318: The 4 Horsemen of Visibility

Hey movers, it's Sally Koering Zimney with Be Moved. Let's go create some talks that will move this world. We're going to talk with amazing speakers, share tips, tricks, resources, and we are going to be moved so that our audience can be moved. This moved me. What is moving We are doing our Movers Live today, all about the Four Horsemen of Visibility. Now, this is a topic that we have talked about before in certain contexts when we were doing our Be Visible Challenge in January, but it bears repeating because it keeps coming up. I'm keeping having conversations with people who are like, Yeah, I know I need to get out front more. I know I really need to. I've been hiding. Been hearing that. Tiff. Awesome, Tiff. The other day, if you've met Tiff, we went live on Instagram yesterday. If you missed that, I would go watch it. It was awesome. We're probably going to pull that audio and maybe send it over to the podcast. So another way that you could consume that or listen to that conversation. But Tiff in the last few months has gone through a stage or a phase or a season that she calls, uh, kind of a season of invisibility. Has anybody ever had a season like that? I have had seasons like that myself. Typically after I do a big launch, I go through probably about a week where I go quiet. I get sort of invisible. It's ever happened to you? Mm-hmm. I know it is a very common experience because it takes some energy to show up and be visible, and it's a vulnerable human thing. As a speaker coach, and we talk about like, I use the term speaker super generously. So wherever you're at in that spectrum of like, yeah, I'm a professional speaker, I get paid for speaking, yes, that's what I'm all about, to folks who are like, I'm, I know I need to, and I'm here to learn how to do it better, but I'm not really feeling the jazz, like, for that quite yet. I'm just working on, working on the skills, working on getting out there, working on using my voice. Wherever you are in that spectrum, It's vulnerable. It's personal. It takes energy. And we have to battle back some fears. Nobody gets to avoid it. It is just part of this experience. So for the people who are like, I'm afraid of public speaking. Okay. They may not be here in this group if you really self-identify that way, but the truth is I've never worked with anybody who hasn't dealt with some kind of fears in some way. And so what I wanna do with our time here today is to talk about the Four Horsemen of Visibility, because how I see them is these are the things that keep us from stepping out front. And it's really important that we can start to identify the ways in which these show up in our lives so that we can begin to move past them and, and show up. Now, here's why it is so, so important that we show up and show our face and use our words. We know this, but just a reminder, okay? When we show up consistently, when we show our face, when we use our words all at the same time, what we are doing is we are building trust. We are building a sense of authority around your topic area. We are building connection, which is absolutely the fabric of a business, especially a business in which we want to influence with our words and our ideas. And that's all of you. So if that is something that you want to do, visibility is how you really begin to do that. So whether or not your ultimate goal is to land on stage and share a keynote on a big stage moment, or you're like, I just want to use speaking as more of a draw, like a little, a lead generator, and I want to get on more podcasts and I want to do workshops and yep, I want to do some keynote speaking. Awesome. It all starts with visibility because that is part of the sales pipeline. Visibility is how people understand what it is that you do. And why it matters and whether or not you are the person for them. So it is the very, very building blocks of how you start to build the audience that you need in order to influence and inspire and step out front and speak in whatever way you ultimately wanna do that. We start here with visibility and everybody struggles with doing it sometimes. So wherever you're at in the process, however you define for yourself where you're at as from the speaking context, we always need to be working on our visibility. So what makes it hard? What are things that make it hard for you to step up front? I'm gonna talk about 4 of them in this time, and you've maybe heard me talk about these 4 in the past, but they truly bear repeating. Because they keep coming up. We keep talking about them for a reason. I call them the Four Horsemen of Visibility because it's like, like these dark, you know, scary horses riding through the night and they're coming after us. You're like, uh, why can't I just like get rid of you? Get rid of— like, get off my back, fear! Get off my back, perfectionism! Get off my back, imposter syndrome! Like, uh, it's sort of like that. Hey, little voice in the back. Does that make any sense? I like it. I like the Four Horsemen idea. Okay, let's dive in to the four things. We're gonna start with the big generalized concept of fear. Now, we've all heard that, that idea that people are more afraid of public speaking than they are of dying. I kind of laugh at that because I'm like, well, yeah, because everybody has some fear around public speaking. You should! You're doing it right if you have some fear, because that tells me you're pushing yourself and you're about to do something that really matters to you. Okay? But those are for the people who push themselves to show up anyway. Okay? What I, what I wanna make sure doesn't happen is that this fear concept keeps you from doing anything at all. Okay. So if fear is something that is holding you back, the concept I want you to adopt and to think about and to think about ways in which you can build this into your life more is to what I call lower the bar. I want you to just, instead of being like, oh man, this means everything. How about it just means something? Maybe not everything, but it just means something. A loving audience is a great way to lower the bar a little bit instead of being like, okay, the first time I share this, it's gonna be in the big moment. Let's just lower the bar a little bit and take a step to reveal a little bit and get some feedback to feel it out for ourselves. Like, how does this feel in my body? What are these words like when they are being witnessed by other people? It changes. It changes how we feel about the words and it changes how they live in us. And are they understanding? Like, we have to start because the truth is the only way to learn speaking is to do speaking. What's the, what's the very next thing that you can do that doesn't sound like, isn't the hugest deal? It's not so terrifying, but we can just kind of baby step our way in. Okay. Now maybe Fear is this very general, big concept, but if we can get a little more specific, let's talk about perfection and perfectionism. Woo! This is a big one, my friends. Perfectionism keeps so many of us who have so much to offer from sharing anything at all. Are you all Seth Godin fans? I'm sure that you are. I love Seth Godin. He's amazing. He's kind of like the North Star for all of us who are out there trying to share what we have. And what he says is, you just need to ship it, ship it, just get it out there. Like, and it's the same thing. Marketing is a doing activity. It's not a theory because it looks lovely. All of our marketing plans look awesome in theory. We don't actually know if they'll work until we do it. And the same with speaking, the same with showing up and sharing your voice and getting visible. If perfection is something that is, runs through your head a lot of like, I'm not quite ready, or I need to work on this a little bit more, or if you're somebody who spends a lot of time in your slide deck or a lot of time in your script. I want you to also lower the bar, lower the bar and get yourself going and trying and allow yourself to show up messy. In 2 weeks, I think probably 2 weeks from today, if I look at my calendar, I can't totally remember. We are gonna do a deep dive on perfection and talk about strategies to help you move through it more intentionally to get you from a place of I can't, no, no, I don't feel like I'm ready. Because I can't tell you how many times where my speakers are like, it's not any good and I'm not ready and it's terrible. And then they share it with me and I'm like, that's great. Can it be better? Yes. But it's so much better than you think. We have the wackiest mirrors that we hold up for ourselves. Okay. So no more wacky mirrors. We're gonna just bypass our own mixed up view of ourselves and we're gonna ship it. We're gonna lower the bar and we're going to get out front anyway. You guys know my favorite hashtag, don't you? Show up anyway, baby. That's what we're doing. That's right. Oh my gosh. Okay. So I want you to be thinking as we move through this, what, what of these really resonates with you? We have fear, we have perfection. And judgment. Oh, the judgment of other people, right? Is such a vulnerable thing. And we step out front and what will they think of me? I mean, there's nothing like speaking to make you feel like a 7th grader again, right? Like, what are these wild arms? And what do I do with my hands? And every— I just feel judged all the time because it is. We are putting ourselves out into the public to be judged. An idea that's really wrapped up in this judgment thing is ego. And ego is an essential thing because in some ways it protects you from judgment. Okay? Because when we have a strong sense of ourselves, we're not so worried about the judgment of other people. Okay? Many of my speakers, we think about the balance of ego and humility. They're definitely leaning on the humility side, like, oh, I don't know, I'm just little old me, and I don't know, I just kind of have this amazing, important idea, but never mind me. And I'm like, hello, hello, we need to lean a little bit more into your ego. The ego says, I have something to say, and I'm going to take my place out front. And if you're with me on it, great, and if you're not, Too bad for you, right? That is, that is protection against this sense of judgment. I don't know about you, but I've had some, you know, people in my life, especially the more out front you get, the more you're going to face judgment. And so we want to find that balance between ego and humility, enough humility that we're not like, we are audience serving. First, that is the goal. We are serving our audience, but enough ego that we're not withholding what we have for fear of what people will think of us. Yes, man, that feels really big to me and important. And the Midwestern in me, the Midwestern Sally is like, whoo, always working on that one. I'm always working on that one. Anybody else? Let me know if that is something that you too are like, Ooh, that's a big one. Now, when I surveyed everybody this week in the group, you all know what the big winner was, AKA the one that so many of us struggle with, and that is imposter syndrome. Who even do I think I am that I, I think I can step up front and get paid a lot of money? And that, like, who cares about little old me and my little old life? You know this though, right? That you're a big deal. You are. You're a big deal. Okay? And there's nothing like speaking to simultaneously convince us that maybe we are a big deal and also at the same time pull the rug out from under us and go, "Mm-hmm, no, you're not." because it is such a process of boldly and bravely sharing ourselves and then facing risk and facing rejection and facing the judgment of our audience. Okay? And the judgment from ourselves. Oh man, just had a moment in that. Okay? Now one of the most important ideas, especially because knowing so many of us in this group struggle with imposter syndrome, I wanna make sure you understand that that is not a thing that is only a struggle for people who are just starting. It is always a struggle when anybody is about to push into the next level. Okay? Just naturally. If you've already mastered a level, whatever that means for you, it's like, now we're like, okay. Yeah, I belong here. I feel good here. This is like, I know that what I'm offering has value and worth, and I'm hearing that. I feel confident about it. That's great. But that is a safe place to be, and that is not where the growth happens, right? So as we keep shifting and growing into the next phase of what we're doing, what we're tapping into is imposter syndrome. So when you feel that, what I'd love for you is to start assuming that it means you are readying yourself to playing a bigger game. Okay? And instead of saying, we're gonna fake it till we make it, it's like, no, you don't have to fake it. You don't have to fake it. You do actually have what it takes, or you are in the process of learning what it takes to get there. Okay? So, you know, I, I, that, that idea of Like, I have to pretend. It's like, no, actually, most likely you are more prepared and more ready than it feels like. And you're pushing yourself to move into the next little space. So Melissa says, I love strategies to let go of caring what people think. I realize it won't all go away, but I take just a little bit. Okay. So here's what I'd love to share with you, Melissa. One of the things that has helped me is the realization that people already judge me. People already don't like me. People have already decided I'm not for them. Okay? I'm just sometimes oblivious to it. And so it becomes just a part of the way that we do business. If we want to show up out front and influence at this level and be a thought leader and a speaker, then we have to accept that part of that is the judgment of other people. So it's sort of like, you know, it's like this, you've made it when you get a hater. This is like, oh wow, you're at that level. When you, it's, it's kind of like that moment when, as we are putting ourselves out front, we really do have to know that this is part of the territory. And so it, it's part of the cost of doing business is other people are gonna have something to say about it. You can choose to let that bother you or not. Now that is way easier, way easier to say than it is to take in because we are human beings and sometimes these are people we care about and they come in. And they are what I call the tall poppy cutters. And they're just like, oh yeah, you think you're a big deal and I'm just gonna go tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. And they really make sure that you don't get too big. Oh, if I'm gonna be totally honest, the competitor in me, I will do that to other people in my mind. And, and it's, it's not, it's not the best of who I am. It's just a very human thing to do. And so in some ways it might be helpful to think of it as like they're, they're in their own journey of accepting themselves. They're on their own journey of finding happiness and finding satisfaction with what they're doing. And they're projecting it on you. So what they think about you is, has nothing to do with you. Okay. If this is a relationship where you care about, then that's worth digging into perhaps. But most of the time people can think what, and they are already thinking whatever it is that they're thinking. We just don't happen to always know about it. That's totally fine with me. Okay. The more and more objective I can be about that and the more distance I can get from the judgment of other people, the more confident I become in my own self, and it helps me step out front. Okay. It also helps to have a few people in your life who you can turn to for affirmation, for support, for reminders that what you're doing is worthwhile. Okay. I need that too. It's not like I don't need what anything anybody says, and I'm like, I'm untouchable. It's like, oh, that's super not true, right? We are human beings and our hearts feel this and take all of this in. We don't have to let either end of those things be the determining factor of us and our ability to show up out front and serve our audience. Does that make sense? What is an aha from this conversation that you want to take with you that you're like, ooh, that was so— I'm gonna— or something that was talked about here in this conversation that you want to noodle on a little bit more, like, "Ooh, I gotta wrestle with this idea." Okay? Because the wrestling is how we start to move through it because it helps us become more conscious of these ideas and their role in our lives. And I'm sorry to say that they don't go away. Okay? It's a practice of awareness around these things and a practice of moving through them. And the more practiced we become in it, the faster we can move through them. You know all this. You guys are awesome. All right, my friends, hope you have an awesome rest of your day, and I will see you all very soon.