322: Mindsets to Help You Go from Hiding to Visible

Hey movers, it's Sally Zimney with Be Moved. Let's go create some talks that will move this world. We're going to talk with amazing speakers, share tips, tricks, resources, and we are going to be moved so that our audience can be moved. This moved me. What is moving you? I don't know about you, but I am in Canva literally 30 times a day, all the time. I think I'm in Canva more than I am using anything else. I love it. I love it. It helps me show up on social media and team. It is how I am now doing all of my decks. All of my presentations, all of my keynotes, all of my workshops, I build my decks in Canva. My brand is set up in there. It makes it so easy. It keeps it simple. The templates are beautiful. I can go on and on and on. And I have an awesome offer for all of you. If you are curious about how you could use Canva, especially for your decks, you guys gotta come check it out. If you go to bemoved.com/canva, you will get 30 days free of the Canva Pro. Now, Canva Pro is what I use. It, it gives you additional stock photos, videos, audio, graphics, extra beautiful templates and designs. It's amazing. It's beautiful. If you are not yet on Canva and if you especially have not gone pro yet, I just wanna encourage you to give it a go. Check it out at bemoved.com/ANBU. Today's training is all about the mindsets we need in order to really show up. So you all have what you need. You have the content inside you, you have the expertise, you've got an idea, you've got something to say, you're representing your business and your idea. And so you have what you need inside you in terms of content. Sometimes what keeps us from doing this work is not really the content. Sometimes, sometimes we need the like, tell me what to say, tell me what to do. But oftentimes what's underneath that is a mindset thing. So what can keep us from stepping out front, from showing our face, from telling our story, from putting ourselves out there and being seen, like, in a deep, real way. That's what we're talking about when we talk about visibility. And I don't wanna sugarcoat it. It can be hard. And I know that because I like this. This is what I've done my whole life, and I hide. Sometimes the past few weeks have been super hard for me. I was sick. I went on vacation first, which was awesome, and you kind of get outta your game, and then I was sick and that throws you off your game. And then I traveled for work and then all of a sudden you're like, where am I? What am I doing? And I've lost my groove. I've lost. The rhythm, I've lost the routine and I get swept up and go heads down. And what I want to invite all of you to do is to go heads up in your business. Eyes out front, show your face, share your voice at the same time. That's speaking. That's all it is. Showing your face and using words at the same time. We call that speak. Okay. So, and I will, I'll even include podcasts in on that, but the showing your face part is a new level of vulnerability. So you've probably heard me talk about the Four Horsemen of Visibility. If not, over on the podcast, you'll see some stuff about it. I've been talking a lot about it. And really what I was trying to do is identify the things that hold us back, that keep us from really showing up. And they are— and it was so funny, I was on a podcast the other day, the Entrepreneurial Success Podcast, perhaps. I can't remember the name of it. It was great. I had a great time with the host. She was amazing. She was from England, and we just— we were having a delightful time. And she had brought me on the show to talk about visibility, to talk about the Four Horsemen of Visibility, and I blanked. I could not remember these four things, even though I talk about them all the time. So that's where my brain's at. Anyway, she had the list in front of her, so she kept teeing me up, which was so nice. Oh my gosh. Okay. So the Four Horsemen of Visibility are fear, okay? Like a generalized, uh, I'm kind of freaking out right now. We all face fear. It's part of what we do. So just know that it doesn't mean anything. Sometimes we think, oh, I'm afraid, so that means I'm not— I don't have what it takes. I'm not good enough for this. But fear just travels along with us on this journey. It's fine. Eventually it won't feel like fear. It'll feel like nervousness and excitement, right? Fear, nervousness. Into excitement. It's a lovely journey. So fear is the first one. Perfectionism. Ooh, that's a big one, right? We don't feel comfortable really showing up until we know we can kind of bulletproof ourselves. That's a big one. Also judgment. What are gonna, what are people gonna think about me? What are they gonna say? It like makes us feel like a 7th grader again, putting ourselves out there. Yay. I know. And then the last one is imposter syndrome and imposter syndrome is a big one. So this is my attempt at saying these things that you're feeling, they're very normal and they're a part of this and they don't just automatically go away. This is not a light switch kind of thing where it's like, oh, if I just find the right thing, then I'm going to be fine. What we're trying to do is really change our relationship to these ideas because they're gonna creep up time and again. Some days I'm feeling way more confident than other days. Some days I'm just like, yeah, Sally, here we go, look out world, right? And other days I'm like, what am I doing? So if I'm feeling this way, I know you are too, and many of my speakers as well. So what I wanna go through today, uh, I wanna give you a bunch of helpful mindsets and phrases that have been powerful for me and for many of my speakers over the years. Things that have helped them shift into visibility, away from hiding, like, mm, I'm over here being small, to Here I am, and my voice matters, and I'm ready and willing to share who I am with you. Okay. So first up, let's talk about the mindsets around fear. Okay. The first one I wanna share with you is shifting our focus from who you are and all of the worries that we have for ourselves into our audience. So instead of being like, oh man, I can't like this. And what about me? And like, we are part of our fear is because we're focused so much on ourselves. If we can shift that focus from ourselves to our audience, this is for them. This is for so-and-so, even put the them, make the them a singular person. Give them a name. This is for Tiff. This is for Erica. This is for whoever is watching right now. There's a human being. There are human beings behind. So stop focusing so much on yourself and shift your attention to them. That will help you move through your fear. Another one that helps me with the fear is the very simple idea that I will survive. Not only will I will survive, but I might even thrive. I will survive and I might even thrive. Yeah, you can. Here's the deal. Sometimes it can truly feel like I am not, this is gonna be terrible. Something catastrophic and terrible is gonna happen, but of Of course, it's not life-threatening, but our adrenaline can sometimes make it feel that way. Remind yourself, I'm gonna survive this. Okay? I'm gonna survive this. Whatever happens, I'm gonna survive this. And I might even thrive. Something great might happen. There is that possibility. And if we can sort of lean into the sparkle of that possibility, it can make a big difference. So maybe that is for you. Maybe, and this is the last one I wanna share with you in the fear section, is that a reminder that trying, just trying and letting go of the results is brave. Trying is brave. It is incredibly brave and audiences love brave. They love Brave. They want to watch Brave way more than they want to watch somebody doing something that is rote and feels easy. Okay. It's like, mm, less curiosity in that. I want to watch somebody who's being brave. Last week, last week, two weeks ago, I don't know. I was in Chattanooga for this conference, SoloCon, maybe you saw it, and one of my fellow keynote speakers. Okay. Is not really a keynote speaker. Okay. She was kind of put into this position because her message was so needed, which she was like, ah, no, thank you. I can't believe I'm doing this. She said yes because she was being brave. Watching her, so amazing. Was it perfect? No, no. That was beside the point. It was impassioned because she was being driven out front by her message and her trying was brave and we were just like, yeah! Oh my gosh, Diana! It was so good. It was so good because trying is brave. Oh, my friends. Okay. So those are the 3 for fear. This is for them. I will survive and I might even thrive. And trying is brave. I love it. Okay, so those are your 3 for fear. Second, perfectionism. So this is a mantra that I've been saying for years, for years. I heard somebody else say it on social recently and I was like, hey, that's my phrase. But guess what? I don't own that phrase. But you're gonna know this, right? When we're dealing with perfectionism, we wanna shift our thinking from this has gotta be perfect My credibility's on the line here. If I don't show up perfectly to— I'm gonna focus on connection. Perfection kills connection, and connection is the point. Perfection isn't the point. Nobody wants perfect. Perfect is boring. No thank you. We're gonna focus on connection. Connection is how you build trust with your audience. It's how they wanna walk with you. If you show up perfect, it's going to create disconnection with your audience. So screw perfect. We're focused on connecting with our audience. That's why we want to shift our focus away from who we are and how perfect we're showing up and what's going on. We're— because perfectionism is about trying to make yourself bulletproof. Okay. Did everybody see that great Brené Brown video that was going around last week about perfectionism? And she's absolutely spotted it. It's a defense mechanism. It's a way for us to protect ourselves. And the truth is, if we're gonna step out front, we have to allow ourselves the possibility of getting hurt. We have to allow ourselves the possibility of feeling in the moment. We have to allow ourselves the possibility of something happening between you and the audience. So perfectionism is not the point. Okay. Instead, we've talked about a lot about this, but when, when you're letting go of perfectionism, sometimes I just say hashtag show up anyway. Okay. And the truth is when you show up anyway, what happens is that you build trust. And that is the mindset I want you to— that might be helpful for you on this. When I show up anyway, I build trust. Okay. And that's not a small thing. When I show up anyway, I build trust and connection. That's what we're talking about. When we let go of perfection, we build trust and connection. And that is what we need in our business. Not people just admiring us and saying, you are up here on this pedestal, you do it beautiful. It's just like very impressive. I'm very impressed by you. We're not trying to impress people as much as we are trying to connect with them so that they take on our ideas and we are able to move them to a new place. That is the ultimate goal. So Show up anyway. If you can be brave enough to show up anyway, even though the slides aren't done, your script isn't perfect, guess what you're doing? You're building trust with your audience. Partly because they're like, oh, you're a real human like me. I thought you were up there like blah, blah, blah. Nope. We're going to show up anyway, just as we are. Love it. Okay. Last one, perfectionism. Is a belief that my humanness is my superpower. Your humanness is your superpower. And here's what I mean by that. A lot of times we think that in order for us to, to be seen as an expert, for people to say, yes, you are the "Consulate Professional, you're amazing." What happens is we feel like our credibility is on the line. And I wanna flip that on its head for you. Okay? Your credibility is built by your humanness. Okay? The very thing, the very thing that we think we can't show is the very thing that will connect you to your audience. So your humanness, your mistakes, your foibles, your failings, when everything goes wrong and people watch you be a human, that is your superpower. Okay. If you take anything from this, I want you to hear that. And know that we don't believe it when it's ourselves on the line, but when we watch other people do it, we're like, oh, that was amazing. That was so brave. That was so brave when we watch other people do it. So if it's true for other people, it is true for you. Your humanness is your superpower. All right. So these are the 3 for perfectionism. Now we are talking about judgment and ego. Whew, you guys, this is real. And it can, it, it held me back for, oh, too long. There was a few voices in my head that I could not get out of my head. Mean things people had said once. And I was like, uh, uh, uh, uh, that's all I could think about when I was putting myself out front. This is all about you, Sally. Oof. Was like, that's not true. It requires me to go out front. It's not, that's not what drives me. That's not my belief, but I couldn't get that voice out of my head. Sometimes the judgment of other people can really hold us back. So how do we let go of that? Okay, well, these mindsets have really helped me, and this one is a big one for me. People already don't like you, Sally. People already don't like me. Okay. I've got a sign in my office that says, people already don't like you. Okay. I, for too long, I put a lot of belief and trust in that what I was really good at was being likable. I think I am kind of likable, but that is not a helpful thing to actually put on the line because I don't want everybody to like me and not everybody likes me. It's never been true. It's never been true. It's never been true. I promise. Realizing that was such freedom. And so that is what I want you to do is to let go of the responses of other people. You cannot control what they will think and say about you. And people already don't like you. So making yourself safer and quieter and packaging yourself up just so, so that people like you is not gonna get you very hot, very far. People already don't like you. What a relief. Isn't that such a relief? I love it. Okay, so there's that one. There's also The realization that when we, when we show up authentically, you are attracting the right people when you do that. Okay. But you have to show up authentically in order to attract the right people. This has been a realization of mine over the last few years. I think it's an amazing gift. I tend to attract a really wide array of people. I love that in my business. Because I feel a kinship and connection with lots of people. When we show up authentically, you can trust that these are people who, A, you don't have to be fake for, you don't have to pretend to be somebody you're not, and they're for you. They're the kind of people you wanna be working with, and they already feel aligned for you. If you show up and you're like softening yourself or just not really being true to you, you're going to attract people who are expecting someone else once they get to working with you and your business. And that is a problem. So people already don't like you. You're attracting the right people. Amazing. And if we can let go of our judgment, we say things to ourselves like, who cares? This is me. There is a reason why I love the song from— man, what's that movie? Movie with the circus movie and the "this is me." You guys know, right? Okay. Put it in the comments. Yes, you know. Keira— can't remember her last name, but there's a reason why we love that song. So many of my speakers and I are like, that's our walk-up music. There's a reason for that because it is an anthem of self-acceptance and belief and just powerfully saying, hello, here I am. Take it or leave it. That is a powerful place to speak from. Like, who cares what they think? This is me. Now, there is a place at which point there's a, there's a point where of course our words impact other people. Like, it's important to care, actually, a little bit about how our actions and behaviors impact other people. Duh, this is like kind of Human Being 101 situation. But when we are grounded in our truth, when we are showing up to share our message and we're worried about how it's going to be received, that's not helpful. So if you are first grounded in your truth and what you are saying and doing is not, mm, being a total jerk, right? Then you can stand strongly in that and say, this is me. This is my truth. This is who I am. This is my story. And standing in that, you will attract and reject the right people. This is me. Okay. So those are the 3 for our judgment. People already don't like you. I'm attracting the right people. And who cares? This is me. You're speaking your truth. I love it. Okay. Our final one is imposter syndrome. Now, this is a big one, my friends. We all know this because it comes for all of us as we are leveling up to the next place in our business. You can't help but feel a little imposter syndrome, and I want you to see it as a good sign. If you're feeling imposter syndrome, it just means, wow, I'm leveling up to the next place. Wow, I really pushed myself. So instead of seeing it as a sign that you're above where you are supposed to be, it's the sign of I am taking the right next step because that's how it's supposed to feel. We're supposed to be like, whoa, because we are Changing our whole concept of ourselves when we step into those moments. So we step into them anyway, we step into them scared, right? So things that might help you in that moment are saying things like, my voice and story matter. My voice and story matter. They matter. And they are worthy of this risk and this discomfort. They are worthy of that. Okay, maybe the mindset that would be helpful for you is this, really this idea that you're a big deal. You're a big deal. You are. You're a really big deal. Everybody's got a big deal inside them. You're a big deal. And the phrase I love to use is that you belong out front. Or I belong out front, right? You probably wanna put that as I belong out front, but that's what I tell you all the time. You belong on stage. There's no, there's nothing that, that precludes you from belonging in that moment, right? You have something to say and your message is driving you out front. You belong out front. Even if you're like, I've never done this before, I'm not comfortable out there yet, but you belong out front. And that is a powerful message to be telling yourself. But maybe this one is, I get to take up space. Okay, this sounds kind of no duh, a little bit like, well, yes, I get to take up space, but there is something really powerful about the physical and the metaphorical in this moment. When you are standing there and our shoulders are shrunken and our whole body is saying, I am not sure about this, right? Do you see how— what does this communicate? Like, I'm nobody and never mind me, I'm just little old me over here doing my thing versus When we say, I get to take up space. I'm gonna take up as much space as I want. I'm a big deal. And you're gonna be a big deal. No more smallness. You're gonna shoulders back and it starts to affect the inside, how you feel inside. So you're gonna actually take up more space, and then you're gonna metaphorically and emotionally accept the space that you are taking up. It's like, yep, here I am. I'm doing it. Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! My voice and story matter. I belong out front and I get to take up space. Okay, you guys, all of these. Can be powerful. I want you to identify for yourself the handful that jumped out to you. I want you to let me know what those are because those mindsets can get you through when you are feeling stuck. I have been feeling stuck. And so part of the reason I did this is because I was like, I need my mindsets. I need to to settle into my own belief system again so that I can step up front and do the work that I need and really want to be doing. All right, friends, this was great. I hope you all have an awesome day.