336: 3 Mantras to Buffer Rejection So You Can Be Brave

Hey movers, it's Sally Z with Be Moved. Let's go create some talks that will move this world. We're gonna talk with amazing speakers, share tips, tricks, resources, and we are going to be moved so that our audience can be moved. This moved me. What is moving I'm talking about rejection this week. And if you're on my email list, you maybe saw this story that I have heard the refrain in my life that my gift is that people just like me. Okay. Now, it's not a very likable thing to tell people that you're likable. I think you'd be stopped becoming likable as soon as you start talking about how likable you are. That is, I would just acknowledge that. Okay. But that refrain was meant as a compliment. And in some ways, I don't take that gift for granted. It allows me, I think what they're saying, they say people like you is I connect really easily with lots of different people. And I love that. I feel a kinship and a connection and love lots of people. But that refrain also, at some point in my life, went from people like me to people need to like me to making sure that everybody liked me, which is not something I can control. That's something I can do. And I bump up against that internal feeling from time to time. Because I'm an entrepreneur and because I'm a speaker. And as a speaker, as an entrepreneur, we face rejection every day, all the time. And if we don't figure out ways to move through and get a little more comfortable with rejection, we are going to hold ourselves back from really doing what is possible for ourselves. Because so much is possible if we can face this little bad boy, because rejection is one of those universal fears from about age 11 on, if not before that, where it really starts to play a role in our lives. And the speaking often can make us feel like middle schooler again. And this is part of the reason is because we're putting ourselves out there. It's vulnerable. We don't know how people are gonna react to it. And sometimes in response to that fear, we make ourselves smaller or we put on layers of who we think we're supposed to be instead of really owning our voice and our story and our ideas and stepping fully out into what is possible for us, despite the fact that we will be rejected. We will be rejected. It is part of it. Not everybody is going to want what you're selling or want your idea or even feel connected to you. And we know that it's true, but it, it, and it doesn't make it fun or easy necessarily. It's just owning and acknowledging and really coming to terms with the fact that if we're going to do this work, we have to get a little more comfortable with this idea of rejection. Not easy, but that is our challenge in front of us. So what I wanna share today in this very short training are 3 mantras and mindsets that I have used to help buffer myself a little bit from this fear of rejection. Doesn't actually buffer me from rejection. It buffers me from the fear of rejection. That's an important distinction to make. So I want to share them with you now. And the first one is this, and this is what I talked about in my email. One of the mantras that I have screaming at me is the idea that they already don't like me. So if you are someone who has really wants everybody to like them, of course, of course we want everybody to like us. They already don't like you. There are already people out there who don't like you. So when we're trying to soften our message or make it amenable to everyone and, and try and find a way to make it okay for everybody, well, what we're doing there is we're managing other people's responses, which is not healthy or possible. And we are deluding ourselves because there are lots of people out there who already don't like me. So it is a fool's errand to try and make yourself likable to everybody. Not possible. Not doable. So I have to remind myself of this from time to time. They already don't like me. Yay! And there's some freedom. There's some freedom to that. When I finally realized that, I scribbled it on a giant sheet of paper, on like a regular, you know, 8x11 sheet of paper, in big black marker. They already don't like me. And I put it right in front of my face as a reminder to myself to not make myself small in an effort to be well received. I can't control that. I've gotta let go of that. They already, people already don't like me. So don't waste your time trying to be likable to everyone. It's a fool's errand. Yes. Okay. So that is our first one. They already don't like you. Now the second one is a reminder for me that it is about them and who the them is in this is my ideal audience, the people who are waiting for what I have to say and what I'm offering. Okay. It's not for everyone, but it is for them. So if somebody rejects what I have to say, or it's just like, nope, this is not, this is not for me. You are not for me, whatever. That's fine. Cause they are not for you. And what I'm doing is for them. Okay. It's not for everyone. It's for them. So know who your them is. Who are you doing this for? Who are your people? And let their needs, their hearts, their struggles, their pain, their hopes and dreams and their needs, let that pull you up front because it's for them. It's not for these other people. It's not. If we believe that people already don't like us, and if, you know, the people who will need and want us are going to feel that connection, and the people who don't are not, and they're going to move on, let's not waste our time on the folks who we are not for and just focus on who our them is, who our audience is. It is such a universal experience because we all in our bones want to belong. We want to feel connected. We want to feel seen. And so that's, that's underneath both this fear of inadequacy and the fear of rejection. So powerful. And it drives us. So it's really, we can't avoid this challenge. It's going to follow us to the next big challenge. So every time you uplevel, we are going to face once again this fear of rejection and fear of inadequacy, right? Like, do I have what it takes? And what will they think of me? Will they see my value and worth? Will they love it? Will they love me? Right? And we have to kind of separate those ideas. Like we are, we are not for everyone. And so our content, the thing that you have created for your audience, that is for them. Focus on them. That helps me know that if someone rejects me, and they will, they have many times and they will more into the future, it's not for them. It is, it's for my them, the audience, more them, who adore them. Okay. So if it's for them and we still put ourselves out there, okay, we have acknowledged that there will be rejection. It is a part of it. We are not for everyone and what we are creating is for a specific people. Who are our people, then we have to know that when we put ourselves out there, there will be people, critics. There will be critics. And so I love that Roosevelt quote, "It's not the critic that counts, but it's those of us who are in the arena," which is like a super duper paraphrase. So I remind myself Hey, I'm in the arena. I'm freaking doing the thing that most people do not have the courage or the gumption, which I think of as slightly different than courage, to do. And so you should just be so stinking proud of yourself regardless of the critic. It is not the critic that counts. But you who are in the arena, I'm in the arena. You're in the arena. You are doing work that truly some people have on their wish list and their hopes and dreams list forever and never take the leap. But you are here. You are taking the leap. You were Putting yourself out there and you should feel so good about that. That's why whenever my speakers come to me and they're like, oh, this should have gone better. I should, you know, I, uh, this didn't go well. And they get caught up in the swirl of self-criticism. And I'm like, there's time. There's a time to assess and to make better. But please remind yourself, I'm in the arena. I am doing the work that some people never have the courage to do. That puts you on a different trajectory just in and of itself like that. And it's very easy for people to criticize from sidelines. We know this. They don't they don't get my time. I will take criticism. I will take feedback. All of that is an important part of our growth process. But if we don't at the very least have respect for being in the arena, I'm not really interested in what you have to say. Brené says it too. And it helps me filter out the voices that I accept into my head and the voices that I reject. I haven't always been good at that because sometimes somebody's voice sneaks through and you're just like, oh my gosh, it's on repeat. And it, it can be really, really difficult to extricate from the replays going on in our heads. But when I can remind myself that, hey, I'm in the arena, it helps buffer me from the potential rejection. Like, At least I'm trying. At least I'm doing it. And trying is the only way to do this work. You can't theorize about speaking. You have to actually do it. I can talk to you about all these things, but until you actually do it, it doesn't really matter. And so you are in the arena. You are doing it. And I hope that that helps buffer you and helps drive you up front even more. Okay, so let's review. They already don't like you, or you can turn that to say, they already don't like me. They already don't like me. How great. Isn't that great? It's so awesome. And maybe you have to remind yourself that it is for them. It is just for— it's not for everybody. This person over here, you're not into that. That's cool. It's not for you. It's for them. And maybe we also at the very end of the day, just need to pat ourselves in the back and say, I'm freaking in the arena. I am doing it. And so come at me all you want, but I'm proud of myself. I'm brave. And your rejection is not going to deter me in my ambitions and hopes and dreams, because I know that it is ultimately my purpose to bring this out into the world. I think one of the things that is so powerful and needed is how important it is to have other people with you in the journey, to have a community or even just one or two other friends or people in your life who get it, who understand the level of risk that you're taking, the level of vulnerability it requires, and the courage so that they can also understand the sheer joy of it when you show up anyway, when you move through, when you have a moment with your audience that you're just like, yeah, man, that was beautiful. Something magical happened there. Like having other people who have walked in similar shoes like that helps buffer as well because they're also not gonna let you sit by and not take action. We need people like that in our lives. And I don't know about you, but that's a particular kind of entrepreneur friend. Okay, I have friends who are entrepreneurs and friends who are not. I try and share my whole life with everyone, but my entrepreneur friends, they're the ones I can say, uh, I'm just— I'm, I'm here right now in the journey. They know what that means in a way that my non-entrepreneur friends, they can appreciate it because they're empathetic and kind humans. It's different. It's really different. All right, friends, I hope this was helpful for you. I am delighted that you're here. Delighted to be here with you.