344: Owning the Title of Speaker with Tiffany Mattick

Hey movers, it's Sally Z with Be Moved. Let's go create some talks that will move this world. We're going to talk with amazing speakers, share tips, tricks, resources, and we are going to be moved so that our audience can be moved.

This moved me.

What is moving Moving You. Hello, amazing movers. We are going to be bringing in the amazing Tiffany Maddock here in the next few moments. Tiffany's going to share a little bit about her journey of going from somebody who saw speaking as this thing that maybe someday off into the future she would do to something that she is now doing and living. And that is a big part of her business dreams and plans. She's making revenue with it. She's bringing in leads with it, but it has been a journey into stepping into that space, stepping into the space where you are really owning the title of speaker and owning all possibilities and potential that come with that. It is, it is a journey. It is a journey because most of us enter into this experience thinking this is something that's far out down the road. This is something I want to do. I think I maybe I can, but do I have what it takes? And we tend to think of speakers as these special unicorns, kind of what I call it, like these people that were just born with these certain gifts. And the only way to be up on that stage to hold that place of speaker is to have a certain number of followers, to have, uh, performing in your background. All of these things that we tend to put people on a pedestal for. Speaking is one of those things. And what happens when we do that is it holds us back from really doing the things that we are capable of, from stepping out on stage. And so if you are somebody right now who's like, I have the dream, I have the dream, I wanna be up on that stage, I wanna speak at that conference, But how do I get there? How do I get there? How can I get into the mindset of I am a speaker? Well, we are gonna talk with Tiff as she shares with us a little bit. Just a moment so she can tell us about that journey for her. So I've invited her. Here she is.

Hi. Hello. Hello! It's great. It's really fun. It's everything I can do to not come crawling out of the screen and just like the passion just oozes out. I can't help myself.

I, I got to listen in for a little bit and I was like, yeah, she's on fire.

Thanks for joining. Okay.

So here, here is where I want to start because we were talking this morning. About what really is speaking. You're like, well, there's speaking, but I'm really comfortable facilitating. And we've had this conversation many times. I don't make those distinctions. But you do and have.

I did. I've grown, but yeah, I started there. Yeah.

So I would love to hear a little bit more about that. Like why, why the big distinction? Around speaking. Like, why do we have this idea that to be a speaker and speaking is one kind of thing and it's like up on a big stage and which makes it even more intimidating than it tends to be for people?

Well, that's what I was gonna say. It's like people would rather die than speak in front of people. So I think when you use the word speaker, it has this implication of I'm on stage, everybody is staring at me. I need to have my words perfectly plotted out. I need to have the timing planned. I need, you know, all, there's just so many expectations that go with the word speaker that I think shut the majority of people down the second you even say the word. So for me, calling myself a facilitator allowed me a little more safety.

So the word speaker is an intimidating word. But the truth is, whether you're doing a workshop or you're going live on social media or you're facilitating or you're keynoting or you're all things, what are you doing in all of those moments?

Speaking, dang it. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So it's all the same bucket to me. So when, when I'm working with my speakers, I'm like, well, it's all speaking. It's all speaking. You're a speaker. You're speaking, so you're a speaker.

You're the—

that the work isn't done though, is it? Like, just acknowledging that you do some speaking, and so that must mean you're a speaker, doesn't really capture the work that we have to do in order to step on stage and own the role of speaker?

Like, you just hearing you say own the role of speaker, it gives me like a little bit of pause. Like, oh God. You know, I mean, so it's a real, I think the, the challenge is that it's, it's, yes, it's your mind, it's your belief system, it's your fears, but it's also your body going, oh my gosh, I have to be okay with being seen. I don't wanna be seen. Like I do real well without the camera on, without the stage. Like I'm fine over here without all that. So there's a lot of risk in saying those words, owning it, and then all of a sudden the world's like, okay, you're a speaker, let's go. It's like, oh crap. Yeah.

I'm brought back to this moment at the LAB retreat, and I can't even remember which one of my speakers was up there. We were workshopping our talks and we were just talking about the vulnerability And I said, there is no one else you have to become to belong on stage.

Can you put that in writing?

There is no one else that you have to become to belong on stage. And this is the journey. It's the internal journey of becoming someone who says, I'm worthy of this moment. I have powerful things to offer. And this is my, this is a powerful way for me to serve and love my audience. So my question for you, Tiff, is it's, it's probably an ongoing journey as it is for all of us. We all have moments of like, ah, can I really do this? But what has, what has that journey been like for you of really shifting not just the external, I'm a speaker, but the internal, there's no one else I have to become to belong on stage.

What's coming to me immediately is once you start practicing, so during COVID I did a lot of lives, just jumping on, practicing being on at least video, which is all we could do then. But there, I think once you go and practice and you start doing it, you start to believe a little bit more. But I needed to convince my body as well that I could do all the things. I could be here physically, physically in my body, and I could do the words part and I can stand up here and I'm gonna be okay. Like I can do this and I'm not gonna freak out. I'm not gonna have a panic attack while I'm up there. I'm gonna be able to breathe. So there's just, there's so many, you know, gremlins that run through the mind about, well, what if this and what if that? Or what if I forget? Or, you know, just, and I think just getting up there and practicing and doing it and building the trust with my body, like, we're gonna be okay up here. Yeah. It's like, it's like you, your mind, and you, your body have to get together and both believe and trust that this can actually happen. And once you're in it, because now I feel like, because I've done so much work to, I mean, if you know how painfully long it took me to switch from facilitator to speaker, don't care what you think those words mean. In my mind, it meant two very different things, and I needed to convince my mind that I was able to say I'm a speaker and my body. But the cool part is now that I've actually done it some, you know, gotten out there enough, now I do have trust between my mind and my body. To the point where I can actually walk on stage and be relaxed to the point where I can let flow. So when you get into the ultimate state of trust between your mind and your body, then that's where flow begins. And you can just trust that the magic, the secret sauce, the whatever needs to come through you, cuz that's what I do believe as humans, like these mess, you know, whatever I need to say and do in the world is that I'm a vessel for it and it's going to be born through me, but I need to hold space for that to happen and to trust that whatever's gonna happen is what's perfect for that moment.

You just said about 12 things.

12 things. And I was like, that's big. Oh, that's big.

Oh, that's big.

Oh, that's big.

Uh, so many big things just came out of your mouth, but I wanna highlight, uh, one of them in particular as you're talking about getting to a place of self-trust is that I cannot convince you of anything. Like, you have to experience it for yourself. So Meg and I are in another group together, and we were doing this experiential therapy weekend. It was amazing. And at one point— and experiential therapy is just like processing things in your bodies. Using the space in order to really see things differently or experiencing them differently. It was amazing. It was mind-bogglingly awesome. And one of the ahas in that, which has borne out in all of my speakers' lives, is they don't believe that they can do it until after they've done it.

For sure.

And what that means is we have to start before we're ready. We have to Go out there and get on stage, whether that is the free stages of social media or you're doing some lead gen speaking. You're, you know, you're maybe not getting paid in the moment, but it's bringing people into your business. Maybe it's that big conference keynote, like before you're ready, because we cannot convince ourselves of it. We have to look back and say, I did it. I did it. I survived. I'm okay.

Yeah, I think just to add, just to add or build on that, it's that you're, yes, you did it, but you did it nervously because you are going to be nervous. Like if you think you're, you have to wait until you step up and you're not going to be nervous, you're gonna be waiting way too long. Like it's just not gonna happen. Being able to know that even though I feel nervous, my body is scared to death. It's okay. Like I'm actually going to, like the amount of like, oh my God, Zen I had to do the very first time I did that 17-minute TED Talky type thing. Like my body was not on board. Like I was scared outta my mind. Yeah. Yeah.

There's a reason they call it an out-of-body experience cuz you literally are disconnected from what is happening, which is not of course ideal because Ultimately, we want to get ourselves to a place where we fully trust ourselves in the moment so we can be present in the moment. We can let go and be responsive to what's happening in the room. And that means virtually too. Like, it takes a while to get there. And so when you talk about how nervous you were and still are sometimes, I just wanna point out that I get nervous too. That is not, that is not a thing that has significance in terms of whether or not you should be doing this or you can't do it.

Yeah.

It's just a part of it.

But I think the other thing I learned about getting nervous is that it's all just made up in my head and I actually have control over it because I actually won't, I just was up on stage a couple weeks ago. I won't go there. Like I, I actually won't allow myself. To generate all that trauma, like all that like drama thought, like all those ideas. Like I just, it's like, I got going, like I don't need to get myself all in a mess before I get up there. Like there's no reason. I'm okay. I've done this a lot. Like I'm gonna be fine. So it actually does get better over time that, that feeling of just like nervous or your body is like shaking. Like I don't, that's, that's gotten So much better for me over time.

So one of the things, and you and I work really closely together, A, we're best friends, which probably—

oh yeah, down, down the block from each other.

And Tiff, you have been in several of my programs. So you've done the Signature Talk Studio and now you're in the Movers Lab, which is the mastermind level year-long experience for people like Tiff who have their signature message and are like, okay, now I wanna make some money with it. I wanna scale my impact. I wanna bring in more leads. You're really turning on the engine of speaking to work on behalf of your business, which is awesome. But I would love to hear from you and your perspective. What has been the before and after of your speaking reality? Like before the Movers Lab, and you're not done, you're still in the middle of it. Yeah, I'm still in it. What transformation impact have you been seeing?

I mean, there's so many things because every time we sit down for those and we meet, I feel like we meet all the time. What is it? Every other week. I feel like all we do is meet, but that's the value of it, right? Like we get so much value, but when we're in those calls and I'm hearing the challenges or the ideas, whether it's yours or some other speaker on the call, I just, I don't know what it is about those calls, but they just open up my awareness or they like help me see a blind spot or something I forgot about or didn't real— there's just something about it. It's like the magic of the conversation and the topics, cuz it's very topical, right? We're hitting on topics. But also the, the leveling up I've had since the retreat is like, I couldn't have even, I had no idea that was gonna happen. And a lot of it had to do with just being in a room with other speakers, listening to them, seeing how they do it, seeing what their slides look like, resourcing, helping each other resource, but then just getting feedback. It's like, here's what's working for me. Here's where you had me on the edge of my seat and here's where you could do better or, you know, improve or whatever. It's like, it changed. Changed the way I did my, my talk 2 weeks ago. I mean, and it like made me feel so much better and more confident because I got to have that experience at the retreat. I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't had it.

Yeah, it— that retreat experience. So I've done a handful of them, and this is content that I've been teaching and coaching for a really long time, but there is nothing better than doing it in a room together because I get to see the magic of what happens in the exchange of words out of a speaker's mouth into the mind and heart of the audience. And what that, how to adjust something so that it changes the energy. It's just, it's, it's my absolute favorite thing to do. And I love watching the light bulbs go off.

Yeah.

Um, in my speakers' minds and hearts and just big stuff happens, big stuff.

So, and, and what I didn't know also about the lab is that there was gonna be guest speakers. Like the guest speakers have been also just like magic for me. They've given me some different perspective, ways to see things. I mean, I'm a corporate great gone entrepreneur. I don't have the normal path. Maybe I do. I don't know if it's normal, whatever normal means, but But I just don't, I don't have the experience and the, I'm not a marketing and advertising and salesperson. Like I don't, so to have some of those professionals come in that are pros at what they do and to help us, because I have to be all the things as entrepreneur and I haven't been schooled in all the things. So that part too has been super beneficial to helping me just raise the game. Yeah. Yeah.

I learned from them too. I'm like, this is great, it's great advice, we have some for me too. Because the truth is, with all things, but especially the speaking business, is iterative. So it's very circular. It's not like, oh, I've got this done, check. It's like, got that done for now. Our stories evolve, our audience evolves, the world changes, all of that. We have to be responsive to what's happening. So that's, I think, one of the harsh realities of the speaking business is it truly is an ongoing support effort. And doing it with other people is the magic sauce, really.

And just to add to that, having that supportive network, but also when you think of getting over those early days of fear and false beliefs and just like corporate hangover, whatever it is that gets us is where we are before we start. I think you have to have either a therapist, you have to have coaches, you have to have whatever support system is around you to help you level up because like I said, most people would rather choose death than being on stage. So that's a, a real fear. Like that is a legitimate fear. And I feel like you have to have that support around you or otherwise you'll just stay stuck. Duck and do nothing with it. Yeah.

What, what, what I think is funny is people simultaneously are like, I want that big moment and I'm scared to death of that big moment.

It's, they truly like coexist.

They coexist. So I didn't realize when I started coaching speakers that I would be an imposter syndrome coach. It's truly so much of what I do, even with my really very experienced speakers, is that when you're about to do, when you're about to level up, you are going to face self-doubt. And so that is another one of those iterative things. If you are bored in your business, if you are like, piece of cake, I got this, it's probably time, probably time to challenge yourself to do the next big thing.

If you don't get support to push you to your next level, you will stay at that same place. Yeah. I could, I could do free webinars for the rest of my life.

Right. Right. Eventually you'll get really bored because it is being bored in your biz. That's right, Beth. If you're bored, you cannot show up and offer the sparkle and like little extra something of courage and risk and vulnerability that makes people go, oh, there's some real happening I'm here. This is powerful. And so yeah, if you, if you are not ever nervous, that's a real problem.

True. True. Right. If you're, if you're too comfortable, then you're probably not pushing yourself hard enough. Yeah.

We wanna find that happy middle ground where the adrenaline is going, but we can use it to wake us up. Mm-hmm. And not shut us down.

Yes. And not let it overcome. I just, I don't wanna be taken over by those nervous thoughts anymore. I wanna have that confidence where you step right up and you, you know, take the space and you own it. And that's kind of my next, like, I'm, I'm through the nervous part now. I'm ready for the ownership and the, you know, really standing in my power part. Yeah.

Yeah. And you know, at this point in my life, It used to, when you, when you first started, it's like a 3 minutes where the buzz of adrenaline.

Yeah. Yeah.

The buzz. And, and it keeps you from really connecting. And so you're just like praying that you're on autopilot and everything's going okay. But the more you put yourself in that situation and the more self-trust you have for yourself in that situation, the faster and faster you can move through the buzz.

Yeah.

And turn that buzz into, well, that's the other, yeah, that's the fun.

That's the, because it does get to be then the fun part. Yeah. Where you're comfortable, you've gotten over the first 2 minutes. Yes. The other, I was just thinking of a fear that used to, it can still get me if I don't watch it. And that is a numbers game. If there's 10 people in the room versus 100 versus 500. Like, who cares, right? But in my mind, I make up all these stories about like, oh my God, if there's 500, then I have to do X, Y, Z, or I have to be whatever. And so just watch it. It's just the game of storytelling and making up a whole bunch of crap that just makes you nervous. It's just, you just gotta get used to it and then have enough awareness to go, that's not gonna help me. That doesn't help. Thank you, brain, but no thank you.

Actually, brain.

Yeah.

I appreciate your concern. Yeah. But I have everything I need for this moment. I have everything I need and I can walk into it ready to connect.

Yeah.

And if that's the goal, if connection is the goal, then it helps just calm, dial down all of those other expectations that can bounce around in our heads in an unhelpful way.

Great.

All right, my friend, thank you for doing this with me today.

You're welcome. Anytime.

It is, it has been a total privilege and joy to watch you have that dream moment, have that moment where you were like, oh, I wanna do this. I wanna do that. I've, I've done the workshops, I've done the internal stuff. I'm ready for that next big challenge. I don't know how I'm gonna get there, but I'm ready. I wanna step in. And even all along the way, it's like, I want to, I'm scared. I want to, oh, I want, like, it's a back and forth. It's a journey. It's a challenge. But you have continued to show up to challenge yourself. To really invest in yourself, in the potential that this has for you and your business. You're committed to it and it's happening. So it's really so wonderful to see the kind of impact that you are having now that you're like all in on your speaking.

It's great. And I can call myself a speaker.

Yes, you can.

Such an evolution. All right. Thanks for having me. Bye.

Thanks for coming, everybody.