357: Getting Over the Fear of Being Visible with Molly Balint

Hey movers, it's Sally Z with Be Moved. Let's go create some talks that will move this world. We're going to talk with amazing speakers, share tips, tricks, resources, and we are going to be moved so that our audience can be moved.

This moved me.

What is moving What we are going to talk about today is visibility, showing up fully for our audience, showing our face, using our voice as speakers. And I have with me a guest today. Molly Ballant is coming in. I'm so excited. So I'm gonna bring Molly in now. Molly is a social media strategist. She is a small business strategist and coach and advocate, and she works with people on this all the time. So we're going to have a little conversation about visibility.

Oh, hey, hello, hello, how are you?

I'm good. Good. Okay, so we are talking about visibility and It's a big topic. We all know it's important as entrepreneurs and even, even someone who it's my freaking job to speak, to get visible, to show my face, to use my voice, to be present and attentive and show up for my audience. Every once in a while I'm like, I don't wanna, I don't have it in me today. I am not feeling it. I am. Whatever, the, the self-doubt creeps up.

Yeah.

And, and yet I know it's important.

Mm-hmm.

And I don't even mind it when I'm doing it.

Yeah.

But there's, there's, there is some hurt, there's some hurdles that we have to overcome. And I know you work with people about this. So let's start there. Molly, would you just share with people a little bit about what you do and who you are?

Yeah. So I'm Molly and I actually live on a farm in Maryland and I work primarily with women who own small businesses and I really mentor them and coach them in their small business. But I also am a, I love Instagram. And so really Instagram strategy is a big part of what I teach and help them with and help them learn how to really take advantage. Of Instagram and just the magic of what you can do with this platform to really build a community and build a business. And I really have found that when people are struggling on Instagram, the problems are deeper than Instagram. It's not an Instagram problem. It's a problem in some of the parts of your business and the clarity that you need and figuring out who you're serving and what you believe. Like, I, I find that when people are struggling here, usually the root of it is something at a business level. It's not an Instagram-level problem. So yeah, that's what I do. I, I love working with women who really have a heart to have a business that really makes an impact, that they really are in it for the long haul and really are there to serve people and serve their community. Those are the kind of people I love.

So, okay. So you are, you're talking my language too, not just on like purpose-driven people, but as a speaker coach. Which what ends up happening in all of our conversations, we're talking about really deep, big life things that keep us from really showing up and vulnerably offering a little bit of our story to our audience in a way that really connects and moves them. We're not talking about speaking skill and strategy. I mean, we do and we are, But what we're really talking about is something much bigger. And I think that brings us back to visibility because at its very core, that is what it looks like on the everyday, whether you're talking social media strategy on Instagram or growing your small business or as a speaker, our, the, at the very core of it, it's how we are speaking every day, how we are showing up for our audience. And getting past whatever is holding us back.

Yeah.

So can you—

Absolutely.

Can you talk about like the role of visibility in terms of social media as you work with people?

Well, well, I think we should start, cuz when you asked me to chat with you today, I was like, well, what do you mean by visibility? What does that mean to you? Cause I wanna make sure we're on the same page cuz I think it can mean a lot of things to to a lot of different people.

Yeah.

And I think really, especially on social media, especially on Instagram, really it encompasses things like showing your face and showing up with, as yourself. Like I think unless that you're, unless you're watching this and you are a brand where there are multiple people running the business, maybe you sell a product or whatever, I think the majority of everyone else has a business. I'm guessing the majority of the people we're talking to right now have a business where they are the face and the person behind the brand. And so you have got to show your face, which is scary and hard. So I think that's one piece of visibility and we can talk about how to get over that. And then I think the other part of visibility is like, how do you use Instagram well to increase your visibility? Like how do you get in front of the people that you wanna get in front of and how do you. Where do you put your time so that, you know, you're reaching the people that are important to you and the people that you wanna reach? So I think there's sort of like two pieces that go into visibility. It's sort of personal and it's sort of showing up, but it's also strategy in the sense of how do you get your message out there? Like that's, we wanna use the platform well too.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Both of those are so important.

Yeah.

You, you are the go-to on Instagram. Visibility in terms of strategy. So let's just say that right now, like the second part of your question is really, really important. And I refer everyone to Molly. It's so good. Go, go follow Molly for all of that if you're not already. But the first part of the question, that to me is at its core what our job is as small business owners, entrepreneurs, as speakers.

Sure.

And even if you don't consider yourself a speaker, guess what? As a small business owner and entrepreneur, that is how you serve your audience on, on that every day. And, and if you're really thinking strategically and you have that little dream of speaking more on bigger stages, well then speaking is such a powerful revenue source and additional arm to your business. Visibility driver, lead generator, all of the things. But when we, when we like, okay, I want to speak more. Well, it starts with visibility. So what do you tell your folks when they are struggling, the women you work with, when they are like, I know I need to get more visible, but I, I feel nervous about really showing up. What will people think of me? Well, the judgment that we are afraid is going to come our way, all of the fears that hold us back. You tell people.

Yeah. So I remember when video kind of became a thing and it was, you know, growing on social media. I remember saying to myself, that's fine, but I'm gonna be, I'm gonna grow my business without showing my face. Like I will figure it out. I'm just, that's not for me.

I'm not gonna do it. And now.

I'm like, if I can just record a reel real quick to tell people something, it's so much easier for me than trying to make a post with pick, find the pictures, Canva, write the caption, whatever. Yeah. So I've really, I've really come a long way, but when I think back on when I had all that resistance to showing my face, or I just felt uncomfortable and awkward and it was, there's just a lot of fear with it. When I really thought about all my reasons, I didn't like the way my voice sounded. I was self-conscious about, you know, my double chin and how did I look and, you know, all of the, all of the reasons, every single one of them were really self-centered. They were all about me and things that I was concerned about. And I realized, one, I think we've all like watched people on video where they're like, oh my goodness. Don't everybody, don't look at my pimple on my chin. And then you're like, now that's all I'm looking at. And I never noticed it before. You know, like we are so, we are so self-conscious about certain things that no one else is noticing. And so I think for starters, for me to just be like, okay, every single thing that I'm listing here about why I don't wanna do this has to do with something about me or some insecurity about me. And then the other thing is like, so, so why am I doing this? Why do I wanna show up? Like, I am here because I care about women who have businesses that they're wanting to build. I want them to be empowered and have the knowledge and the support to do it. And so when I make that the most important thing to me, then I'm like, you know what, darn it. It's about them. It's not about me. And so for me, that mindset shift was huge. Like I really had to call myself out on the fact that all my reasons were really selfish. They were really just my own insecurities, which is legitimate and we all have those things, but we're not here to put ourselves on display. We're here to serve our communities and serve our people. Yeah. So that was like a huge turning point for me to make that shift in my head and be like, you know what, I'm willing to do this because I'm willing to show up for the people that I really care about.

That to me is, is like you said, the biggest shift.

Yeah.

To stop focusing on ourselves because when we're, it's, it's hilarious how like all of a sudden that in the advent of the pandemic, I spend so much time looking at myself, so I've gotten used to myself a little bit.

Yeah. Yeah.

But before that time, we'd see ourselves or hear ourselves speaking for the first time. We'd be like, do I really sound like that? Do I really look like that? And the truth is everybody else is already used to us. Yeah. Everyone else has already accepted the double chin and the like weird mole and the blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Like the things that stand out to me, everyone else is like, that is Sally, that is Molly. Accepted. And if they don't, that's fine. Like there are always gonna be people who don't accept it.

Right. I think too, sometimes like I think about what I, I try to remember what I think about other people.

Yeah.

And if I like am listening to someone and they have a mole or they have a whatever, their voice is fine. I'm just like, like you said, that's just the person. Like I don't even spend any time on it. And we act as if. People are like, you know, zoned way in looking at all the things and it's not really—

not neither of us. And I don't think any of us want to attract people who are surface level critical.

No thanks. Yeah.

No thanks. So, so if we can show up with our imperfections that we are and share them it's actually a connecting point.

Yeah.

Actually helps other people feel like, oh, okay, this person is a real person. If they can do it, I can do it.

Yeah.

And that shit for me, when I started recognizing that my imperfections, my messy office, my, I just got done working out. I've got, I haven't washed my hair. Whatever. All of the things that are real.

Exactly.

Exactly. Like need a little bit more. All of those things. Are the places where our audience goes, oh, I'm not alone. I don't have to become someone else in order to achieve that level of success.

Yes. So good.

And, and it's so important. Like you do not have to become someone else. You as you are is, that's the magic. Yeah. If you don't bring you to your audience, they're not gonna recognize you.

Mm-hmm.

And you won't attract the right people to you.

Exactly. It is like a weeding out tool in a sense. Yeah. Like, especially if you're in sort of a service-based business, like your people will connect with you. I mean, there are tons of people doing what I do and they can go to anybody, but when I show my face and talk, they're like, there's something about you, Molly, that I love. That's why I'm signing up for your thing, or I'm gonna do coaching with you, or I'm following you.

Amen.

So you have to let people get to know you and connect with you.

We, we are the differentiators. And so if we don't share who we are, there's nothing to differentiate you from anybody else.

Yeah.

So somebody else brought up, I'm seeing in the comments, filters, and there's, there's a lot of things that, that can help you. Do you have a, do you have a point of view on that? On the level of help we give ourselves in those moments?

I do actually. So I think that there is, there are some people who are really critical of people who use filters and some, I mean, there are filters that are obnoxious. Like I think we all know there's ones where you can, you know, lip fillers and, you know, whatever. Like there's ones that are there that are the extremes. So I'm not talking about that. With that, but if there's a nice natural filter that you can throw on your stories or throw on when you go live, that makes you just feel a little more confident showing up, I'm all for it because I think the more important, the more important thing here is that you're showing up. It's not whether or not, because you know, I could put on 10 pounds of makeup, I could set up. 5 different lights and that could be my filter.

Yeah.

So when it comes to those kinds of things, I'm like, if it's, if it's a, if it's some little thing that gives you just that extra bit of confidence to show up, then I'm, I'm like, oh, go for it. You know, there's so many tools. I mean, you probably give your speakers so many tools. Like sometimes I would hold a pencil if I felt like I talked with my hands or made noise or yeah. You know, I keep my water bottle here. So we all have tools. It's just a tool. Yeah. To me, that's my philosophy.

Yeah, I mean, it, it, I agree with you. Like I, I try not to use them unless I really need, like where I'm like, ooh, it's January and I haven't seen the sun in a long time and I can just use a little something.

Yeah.

But what's most important to me is I want to be recognizable. I want, if somebody passed me on the street, I want them to know, and they followed me on Instagram or whatever, I want them to know, oh, that's Shimmery. That is who she is. She shows up in real life like she shows up online because, because that is authenticity. And there's really not that much of a difference between adding a little bit of filter than getting your makeup and hair done when you get on stage.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Maybe a slight difference, but not really. Yeah.

So, yeah, absolutely. Okay. I just saw a comment that I think we should talk about. Yeah, she said, I'm worried I will say something stupid or that people will disagree with my methods. Mm-hmm. I think that's, I think that's very common. I feel that like, so, you know, like I, sometimes I am hard on myself in the sense where I feel like I have to have all the answers. Or I feel like if somebody else offers another way to do something and I'm like, shoot, I should have thought of that. You know, like I beat myself up over those kinds of things. I think that we are not perfect, and we are, especially if you are teaching or educating, like you're, you are really a guide to people. You are not necessarily the final answer. You are one person who's offering their experience and their opinions. And I think especially when we speak from experience and we speak from our story and the things that we have learned in our own journey. That is all, that is all safe. That is all, you own that material and you own that wisdom that you have.

Yeah.

But I also think, and this is something that I teach and I think is so important, and I know this is the same for you too, is you have to stand, you have to have some opinions. You have to have something that sets you apart from other people or else there is nothing. Special about you and there's nothing worth listening to unless you know that there are some things that are really important to you. Like, uh, when I teach Instagram, I wanna teach it to you in a way so you can get off Instagram. Like, there's not a lot of people who talk about Instagram or talk about a business where they're like, I want you to do less of it. You know, like most people are like, more, make more, produce more, be on here more, engage more. And I'm like, what can we do so we can get off here and be with our kids and our families? So, you know, we, you have to really be willing to find those things for yourself that you really think like, I, I wanna do this differently than I see everyone else doing it. And then people will connect with that too. So I think don't be afraid of that. Everyone, and we'll all say stupid things. Yeah. And address the elephant in the room, right? If you're feeling nervous, be like, you guys, I am like, my deodorant is kicking in right now. Or, you know, I'm blotchy cuz I'm so nervous or whatever. Like address the elephant in the room. You need to.

Yes.

But also like, it's okay.

Yeah.

I think our, I think it's, I think because we, we are engaging with people on video so much more than we used to, we do not expect everything to be perfect and polished and no mistakes, whatever. We don't, I don't think our expectations are there anymore. No, especially not on Instagram.

And I would make the argument that there's a level of trust that comes when people can directly acknowledge their own shortcomings, when they show up with all of their humanness. If they make a mistake, if they say something that they don't actually can like stand by in integrity, or they just make a mistake, which happens.

It happens.

If you can stand in that moment and be a human in that moment and acknowledge that, That is powerful. What we don't want is to avoid all possible discomfort because there's no change in that. There's no transformation in that. There's no challenge in that. And I don't know about you, Molly, but like when I watch a speaker who, who doesn't, I call it they're lacking teeth, like their, their talk is lacking teeth. There's no bite to it. There's nothing that challenges. It's like, oh, that was nice. That was nice. Thank you. It's not, it's not gonna affect me. It's not gonna move me. It's not gonna make me change the way I think or see anything. And to me, that's, that's why we're doing this. Like we, we wanna have an impact. We're not just showing up to say that we did it.

Mm-hmm.

Like, no. We, we wanna do something with those moments. So I would rather people err on the side of pushing too far and risking more rather than staying safe because staying safe feels right, feels good in the moment, but is not necessarily gonna actually help you do what you are here to do.

Yes. What do you—

did that resonate? What do you think?

Yeah. Absolutely. And I think too, like, I think words like vulnerability and stuff like that are thrown around a lot and, you know, in a way they kind of lose their impact. But also I think like when you are willing to share your story, when you're willing to share your perspective, when you're willing to be sort of that real, sometimes raw version, or tell that part of your story, like it does not, first of all, it does not have to look like sobbing, getting on Instagram and sobbing and being a, you know, it doesn't have to look like that. It, it can be, it, it comes from a place of calm and wisdom and experience. It doesn't, vulnerability like that is not what we're talking about. But I really think like vulnerability is such a gift that we give to other people because it allows them to be vulnerable also, or it allows them to feel less alone. And so I think when we are willing to go to those hard places, like you said, to not avoid discomfort, we allow other people to come to those places too and to learn and to grow and to change. And I think that's what is so important and so special about doing what we do and having platforms like this to, to do that and to share and to speak and to become visible. Yeah.

To be seen.

Yeah.

It's, it's amazing to me as I, I, I've been having lots of these Clarity Call conversations, and I know you're doing the same thing where we're talking to people about these dreams that they have for themselves, you know, growing their business, growing their Instagram following. They want to speak on bigger stages, and at the same time, they're holding in the other hand these fears. And ultimately I do think a lot of it is about being really seen. Like one of the things I love working with entrepreneurs because this, this is about who we are and what we, what we are like pulling out of ourselves to share with the world. It's intense and it's challenging. It's so personal. And so baby stepping, practicing the art of being seen even in small ways. Like the whole world doesn't get access to everything that, yes, that's not, that's not vulnerability, right? Only certain people get certain parts of you. That's okay. But like allowing yourself to be seen in those moments where we wanna hide, that is transformative.

Yeah. So, yeah, absolutely. My friend Matt Barris, he, he coaches at my retreat with me and he Shares something, and I'll probably get the numbers wrong, but I get the gist. I think it's 33:30, and he said, you know, your story, there are gonna be some people who get the 30-second version of your story. There are gonna be some people who get the 3-minute version, and there's gonna be some people who get the 30-minute version. So you really, you are in control of all of that and you can decide like, Is this a person where I'm just gonna sort of give them the, you know, the Cliff Notes version, or am I gonna dig in a little bit more? Or am I willing to really like go into a deeper version of this story when I'm speaking with this person too? And I think that's really important too when it comes to like that being vulnerable. And even like when you think about, you know, when you're on Instagram, for example, versus you're on a stage, I'm guessing, like, mm-hmm. This may be the 30-second version of your story, and the 30-minute version is what you share, but you're still giving people a taste. You're still in being, you know, sharing it in a way that's gonna be impactful. But there is another version that is, you know, in a different location, a different, you know, environment, whatever, where that's a more appropriate version.

Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Oh my gosh, Molly, this has been so.

Fun, helpful.

I just see little comments come in saying thank you, this is inspiring, it was helpful, which I love. I'm so excited that people were here. For people who are new, for new to you, new to everything that you do and everything that you offer, how can they obviously connect with you on Instagram, but, but what's a good next step for people? If they want to find out more about you and work with you.

Yes. Thank you. Yeah, so I, I mean, Instagram is my place. I love being on here, so that's one of the best places. Molly.Boland is my Instagram account, but also my website is just my name, MollyBoland.com. But I, you know, I love, I really love working with women who really have that heart to make an impact, but also have a heart for like the offline part of their life too, really, if I think about it. And so, yeah, so I really, That's, I think, what's important to me. Those are the people that I love to work with, that they really want to serve their audience, build that community. And that's what I love doing and love helping them learn how to do.

You are awesome. Okay. So thanks for taking some time to be here.

Let's do this again.

Yeah. Hold back. In fact, I'm gonna have Molly come speak at the half-day event that I'm doing in February.

Yeah.

I haven't talked about it at all much because I'm still getting my house in order. About it all.

Let's just get next week done and then we can think about it.

I've got, it's literally like 80 things started in the last 3 days.

I know. And none finished. For me, if my Build Girls are here, my, that's my small group coaching girls. Sally's coming to us too. Yeah. To talk.

It's gonna be so exciting.

I'm excited.

I did. I know. Partnership happening.

Collaborate, people. That's a good way to do it. If you're scared, find a friend.

Oh yeah. I mean, this, I'm like, let's just keep chatting. It was just like, let's just hang out and chat.

Oh my gosh. All right.

You're the best.

Thanks, Molly.

Thanks everybody for being here.

Yes. Tap in. Bye-bye.