363: Speaking Story Chapter 3 - Why Tell Stories?

Kuleo, kuleo! We're rockin' and rollin'!

Hello, hello, and welcome back. We are moving through each chapter of the audiobook of Speaking Story by Sally Zimney, which happens to be me, the person who has had this podcast for many, many years called This Moved Me. And this moved me has been through a ton of evolutions, revolutions, maybe? There's a few revolutions in the evolutions. Definitely iterations over the last several years. Really, I think 2014 is when I started that podcast, which is wild. But we're back because I just believe in this tool, and I just want you to have it. I want you to have it. And we are in chapter 3 right now, and there's actually a really funny story that I have to tell you about chapter 3, and it does kind of affect the whole book. So, um, you know, when you, you write a book and you turn in the manuscript, is what it's called, um, there's a QR code all over the book. So if you have the actual book, so, you know, there's some of you out there who might have the actual book. I'm more of an audiobook person myself, truly. I buy the book because I like to have the book, but I don't— especially if it's a nonfiction book, I'm listening to it more than I am reading it. So the fact that it's taken me so long to get an audiobook out on this is dumb. Anyway, there's a QR code in the book. And, you know, I tested the QR code and and then sent off the manuscript. And then I don't know what happened. Honest to goodness, I couldn't tell you. I don't know. I don't know what happened. But we're looking at the printed book and we're scanning the QR code and something is not working. And I just thought, holy mother of God, ho crap, what are we going to do? Because the whole, I mean, really, honestly, it's the way I get you the tools You know, books can be picked up by strangers.

They don't know me.

They don't— they're not on my email list yet necessarily.

They're not hearing from me. They— I just thought the whole frickin' business model around a book and why—

part of why you build and do a book as a part of your business is to be in contact with people, to like bring them into your business. And one of the ways you do that is through this stupid QR code and it was wrong. Oh my gosh, horrifying. So we ended up having to work around in the back and like thank goodness for my project manager, Ashley. She and her husband, I am sure spent more hours than I even know trying to fix it and make it work. And somehow they did some sort of fix and now there's a redirect and it gets to where we need you to go. So if you have the actual book, and you do the QR code, I mean, if something goes wrong, I'm really sorry. I just— it's supposed to work, but sometimes it doesn't. And I can't always answer to that. So this is why we embrace imperfection, because I am so totally imperfect. But here's the deal. This chapter is called How to Use This Book. And here in episode 3, it's pretty short because I'm just going to explain to you quickly how to use the book. But the funny thing is, how to use the book doesn't work always.

I mean, we figured it out.

We figured it out. But here in the audiobook, I tell you to go to a URL because obviously I can't audio you a QR code. So that helped to just give you the URL directly. But we talk through the orientation of the book. This chapter, because it is really set up specifically to help you integrate this idea.

And I have a lot of tools that might be helpful for you in how you use this book, but you don't need it.

You don't have to have that, but the tools could be helpful for you. And as always, I just would love to hear from you. And, uh, and, and if the QR code or the URL doesn't work, just send me an email. We'll— I'll get you the right place. All right?

It's a short one, but it matters.

So stay with me because the next episode is where we really dive in.

All right?

See you there.

Hey everybody, and welcome to This Moved Me, a podcast about creating talks that move the world. With me, your host, Sally Koering Zimney. This complimentary listening of this speaking story audiobook is brought to you in part by the Be Moved Institute, or as I lovingly refer to it, Be Me. Leadership almost always comes with a microphone, movers, whether that's a meeting, a presentation, a tough conversation, a keynote, conference opportunity that you have. I mean, even if you would never call yourself a speaker or a storyteller, you are one. You just might not have the tools that you need yet, or the support that you need yet. And that's why I created the Unspeaker Simple Storytelling Audio Course. It's like having me right alongside you on your walk or in the car on your commute, and it guides you through simple, powerful exercises to find the leadership stories that are already inside you and that will move your people. It's $49, but it's truly priceless, and I'm really excited to give you the opportunity to come join me over there.

All you have to do is head to sally-koering-zimney.com/unspeaker to get started.

And while you're there, join the waitlist for the Be Moved Institute, an incredible 2-day experience where we are giving corporate leaders the tools to present with power and clarity and authenticity and support. Now let's get into the chapter. Chapter 3: Why tell stories? Stories are a communal currency of humanity. Tahir Shah in Arabian Nights. Let's get really specific about why stories are the most important persuasion tool in your leadership toolkit, because I realize you might be thinking, what is this magic called persuasion that you keep talking about, Sally Koering Zimney? Well, after I experienced the persuasive magic of stories as I stood in front of 150 7th graders, I went to grad school to find out why. I spent 2 years studying persuasion and speaking. Why do some people believe this speaker but not another? When does persuasion flip into manipulation? Why do some movements work and others die? The answer can be boiled down to a real human emotive connection. Curiously, persuading with only emotion can be dangerous, but without it, persuasion is almost pointless. And the near-perfect container for that real, human, and emotive connection is a story. The brain science. As Brené Brown once said, inside the brain, we are wired for story, tapping into not just the emotive and more primitive parts of the brain, but also the most cognitively developed parts. I'm not a neuroscientist, but the brain science is compelling. Take a look at some of these insights from Will Storr's The Science of Storytelling about the core happenings in the brain when we tell a story. We ignite mirror neurons when we see and experience another person's story, making it feel almost like we ourselves are living the story. Wow! In other words, a person sitting in the audience watching your story is also experiencing it with us, almost like they were there when it happened. The insula is a part of the brain located in the limbic, or emotive, system. It seeks out relatable experiences, looking for similarity and universality. What a welcome relief from our Twitter or X reality. Imagine your audience is sitting there, and their core intention is to find connections between your story and their life. It's as if, while they sit and take in your story, life experiences, and emotions, they're sorting through a catalog of their own life experiences to find the connection between you and them. What a powerful human instinct that happens naturally, all thanks to story. Stories tap into the newest, most complex part of the brain, which thrives on novelty, challenge, and our highest level of thinking. So as your audience is listening, each audience member's brain is lighting up, forming new connections, and being challenged to think deeply about life and their existence in it. It's why storytelling often inspires new perspectives, new thinking, new ideas, and new connections. The brain science behind storytelling is persuasive and exciting. It's incredible to know about whatever is going on up there without our awareness and knowledge while we speak our stories. I've personally seen the way stories transform the audience in the most tangible of ways. Let me break down a bit more why stories are so powerful. Number 1: Stories engage. Have you ever had that experience where you're sitting in an audience and someone's talking about something and they remind you of that teacher from the Peanuts cartoon? Wah wah wah wah wah wah. And then they start to tell a story and it snaps you back into attention. It turns out that there's a reason for that as well. Our brains are especially interested in the emotion and specificity of a story. It breaks through the noise of information that dulls the senses. One of the filters in our brain that helps us sort out the thousands, even millions, of pieces of data and input we take in each day is the thalamus. This filter only allows data we deem important through to us. Tapping into the specificity of a story triggers its emotional reality, which helps it slip through that filter and make make it more memorable. Let's think about the teenagers I was speaking to earlier in this book. I delivered hundreds of those talks in those years, and I witnessed and coached hundreds more talks, and it was clear: the story held them captive. An audience had very limited interest in our wah-wah-wah. And who could blame them, really? I remember standing in the back of the gym we used to present in, watching some of my speakers trying to engage a room full of teenagers. From the back, you could just see their heads bouncing around, chatting to the next to them, fidgeting, messing around. They were not engaged. But the moment the speaker shifted into a story, boom, we had their precious attention and focus. Let me make it clear. Nobody appreciates the wah-wah-wah, and we're not just talking about teenagers. We as adults have just gotten used to it. We tolerate it. We've decided that being bored by the wah-wah-wah is the cost of doing business. We haven't invested the time and energy into setting higher expectations than what's expected. So storytelling isn't useful only for finicky audiences like teenagers. They just happen to be the ones who are honest enough to let us know when they're bored. Although, I also spent a lot of time talking to teachers, and they were pretty brutally honest, too. Stories belong in the business sector as much as they belong on the TEDx stage. They engage and lead people around ideas that are essential. Your next boring monthly meeting? Start with a story and see how people engage more with your agenda. The big pitch you have coming up? Instead of trying to convince us that it's an awesome idea, speak to the heart through a story and watch how people lean in instead of lean away. Your push to get more visible on social media not amounting to much? Share a story, and notice how people will move much more quickly from stranger to connection. Here's a pro tip: when you are speaking and you feel that sense of disengagement or antsiness from your audience, share a story. It will magically pull them in again. Number 2: Stories break through barriers. One of the beautiful and magical things about stories is that they exist outside of category. They exist outside of definition. They They are one of the only things that can get past the walls that divide us and sneak past people's defenses. Defensiveness is a challenge we have to overcome if we want to lead and create change in any way. As leaders, the whole goal is for us to step out front and actually say something. This means that what we have to say might be controversial or challenge a way of thinking, and so we need stories to break through defensiveness. When I talk to people about speaking, sometimes my audience is full of people who resent my presence from the very first moment. One look and I can tell they're sending me a major side-eye saying, "You cannot make me stand up and speak anything today, lady," from across the room. These people are pretty sure that they have me figured out. "Oh, she's a professional speaker, an extrovert. She loves this and is good at it and never gets nervous." And they, as people who hate this, who don't want to do it, who resent even being asked to consider speaking, have their metaphorical arms folded against me. So I have to humanize myself and keep their defenses down, and I do it through story. Stories of me being nervous. Stories of me failing. Stories of the imperfect, stumbling, real me. These are not hard to come by, by the way. Before someone has a chance to say, "Oh, this is about this topic and I already know I feel this way about it," aka I'm not really listening to you, a story sneaks in and it gets them to empathize and feel before their brain categorizes your idea in the old way. Stories help us see beyond how we've defined one another and the categories that exist in this world. If you want to change someone's mind about something, you need story. And number 3: Stories create resonance and empathy. As I was standing in front of those 150 7th graders, I think it was pretty clear that I was not "one of them." I was clearly in my 20s, and I was not currently dealing with the particular challenges of living their particular lives. And yet, for my stories to impact and persuade, I needed the kids to know that I got them. I had to find and tell stories that could elicit the "Yes, me too!" kind of response. The powerful "Yes, me too!" that can happen when someone tells a story is the foundation of an audience's trust and their willingness to listen to you. Did it require me as the speaker to seek to truly understand what their lives were like? Yes. Did it require me to create Did I write this story in such a way so that they knew this? Yes. And most importantly, it required me to really care. You can't fake caring through your stories. And that caring earned me a level of interest and curiosity to start with. You earn an audience's time and attention by letting them know that you get it. And that feeling of being understood and seen makes your audience feel that they are not alone. That beautiful moment of shared humanity and connection is persuasion at work—real, emotive, and courageous. Also, as the speaker, it's especially important to note that your story doesn't have to be the same as your audience's. You don't have to have lived the same life, even remotely so. You do, however, need to find a way to create resonance, and I'll show you how later in this book. Stories have a particular power for us to experience a moment in someone else's life without actually having to live it. This is true from both the audience's perspective and the speaker's. Stories allow us to connect with and feel experiences that are not our own. Number 4: Stories help the abstract make sense. Before I shared the story about John, courage was this abstract idea that the 7th graders couldn't quite wrap their heads around. We know what courage is, mostly, but what does it look like? What does it feel like? How does it taste, feel, behave? As these teenagers saw John, even in their own heads, as they listened to me tell that story, the concept of courage became something tangible, real. Meaningful. Stories bypass the brain and go straight into the heart. They give an idea legs—words, actions, and feelings. They make the idea stand up and walk around on this earth, and they help us face the consequences of that idea in action. Stories help us touch it, taste it, and believe in it—in 3D. That's the end of this chapter of Speaking Story. If you want to keep listening ad-free, you can find the full audiobook on Audible or subscribe wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube. And if this chapter stirred something in you, if it, shall we say, moved you, let me suggest that you start with the Unspeaker Simple Storytelling Audio Mini Course. At Sally-Koering Zimney.com/unspeaker. All right, movers. This moved me. What is moving you?

See you next time.