382: Speaking Story Chapter 22 - The Three Dynamics of Story

This has happened a few times, but here we, here we are. Okay. Welcome back everybody to the Speaking Story free audiobook highlighted here on the This Moved Me podcast, whether you're catching us over on a podcast feed of your choice or you found us on YouTube. So glad that you're here. My name is Sally Koering Zimney Zimney. I am a speaker. And a coach. And gosh, this has been a long time coming. I wrote this book, Speaking Story, in— well, it was published in 2024, and late in 2024 I recorded the audiobook, and it has taken me until 2026 to bring it to the public. But it's here, and you're here, which means that You have a story to speak. I'm just thrilled, thrilled that you're here because I want nothing more than for you to feel empowered and clear enough to go do it, which is why it's free. So keep, keep going, keep going. You got this. And chapter 22 is all about the dynamics of story. So in the chapter right before this, we were talking about the characteristics of a good story, and I just wanna talk about the difference between those two things. A characteristic is, you know, a description of it. So what are the things that are effective about a story? What makes a story effective? What makes it moving and meaningful and powerful? And we describe those things, right? And that helps us create for that and create to that end. The dynamics of story are not really about The characteristics, they're— think of it this way. It's like you're in a sound studio. I think I talk about this in the chapter. It's like you're in a sound studio and you're deciding, like, here are all of the levers and you're sort of deciding what to have a little bit more of this and a little bit less of that because these elements are simply a part of great stories. You know, what's high or low, or what's more or less of this or that determines and changes how it feels and what ultimately you would describe that story to be. There's no right or wrong way to do this. It just changes how the story exists and lives and how you experience it. I don't know. I'd call this like a 2-on-1 sort of idea. Things you're gonna be like, "Well, of course." Like, for example, of course there's character. Character is a dynamic in a story, but how do you bring character to life? And what kind of character? And the word character I think is especially funny because character is also a quality, like someone's character. But think of it this way: the character of the character is really what you are thinking about is like, how do we understand who the quote unquote characters are in your story? How do we get a sense of that? How do we feel it? How do we make that real to an audience who's thinking about this moment maybe for the first time and meeting you, you, whoever that character is for the first time? How can we as quickly as possible and as clearly as possible communicate who a character is so that it supports your message and your mission? I think a really fun way to start to think about the ways that you can play with your storytelling, and especially because great storytelling is— you're not gonna write a story, and then deliver it and be like, "Magical, I'm amazing, I did it perfectly." Like, that experience does not happen. It does not exist. What happens is you write a story, and in the next chapter, I think, is it the next chapter? Is it the next chapter? Yeah, in the next chapter, we're gonna actually talk about the steps to creating the story. Like, do this, then this, then this, and this kind of thing. But that doesn't mean you're not still playing with a whole bunch of dynamics. And the playing with the dynamics is the fun part. That is the iterative part of storytelling, is because of the dynamics and how you play with them. And it's kind of an experiment every time. And because it's live theater, you're not just playing with the dynamics, The context changes every time. So even when, back in the day, when I was speaking to high school kids and middle school young people about these kind of big ideas, the talk was generally the same, but every context was different. And even every 7th grade group was different. They weren't all the same. Not every 7th grader is the same. Like, there was different issues at play and different personalities. And so it was really fun, even as the quote-unquote script didn't change, I was playing with some dynamics every time to see if I could continue to finesse and make it more meaningful and make it more— more moving, more effective, more impactful, more entertaining. Ugh, it's so fun. It was such a cool time to be able to play with the artistry of this. When we talk about the science and the art of this, dynamics are part of how we make it artistic and impactful. So, yay! Ready to nerd out with me? Let's get all nerdy on this. All right, here we go. Hey everybody, and welcome to This Moved Me, a podcast about creating talks that move the world. With me, your host, Sally Koering Zimney. This complimentary listening of this Speaking Story audiobook is brought to you in part by the Be Moved Institute, or as I lovingly refer to it, Be Me. Leadership almost always comes with a microphone, movers, whether that's a meeting, a presentation, a tough conversation, a keynote conference opportunity that you have. I mean, even if you would never call yourself a speaker or a storyteller, you are one. You just might not have the tools that you need yet, or the support that you need yet. And that's why I created the Unspeaker Simple Storytelling Audio Course. It's like having me right alongside you on your walk or in the car on your commute, and it guides you through simple, powerful exercises to find the leadership stories that are already inside you and that will move your people. It's $49, but it's truly priceless, and I'm really excited to give you the opportunity to come join me over there. All you have to do is head to Sally Koering Zimney. Www.sallykoeringzimney.com/unspeaker to get started. And while you're there, join the waitlist for the Be Moved Institute, an incredible 2-day experience where we are giving corporate leaders the tools to present with power and clarity and authenticity and support. Now let's get into the chapter. Chapter 22: The Three Dynamics of Story. Your mind is already filled with drop-the-mic-worthy stories. You just have to unlock them. Margo Lightman. In this chapter, we'll talk about three dynamics that exist within every story. If it's a story, these dynamics will be in there, but it's a matter of how much of these dynamics exist. And if we want to turn them up or down based on what the moment calls for. Playing with these dynamics can be the difference between a good story and a great one. I'm envisioning that you and I are in a sound booth, much like the one I'm sitting in right now, producing a story for a specific moment. You're telling the story on the mic, and as co-producers, you and I are playing with whether we want to turn up the bass a little bit, bring in a little more reverb, or bump up the backup singers. We're playing with the dynamics. It's the same thing with your stories. There are key elements we can play with to help create a truly unique, powerful, emotive experience for your audience based on the context and moment you're in. This is where you get to become the producer of your own story. There are 3 dynamics in stories I wanna highlight: character, relationship, and change. Dynamic #1: Character. "Where there is perfection, there is no story to tell." Ben Okri. This seems obvious. Every story has a character, or maybe several, and it's likely that, as the speaker, you are the character in your stories. Sometimes you're telling someone else's story, so your character might be the sidekick, or a witness to the protagonist, Whoever the protagonist may be, something is happening to someone. That's the character. And how we develop the characters in your stories is an important dynamic. But there's another character who is speaking in this moment with this particular audience, and that is you. Not the character in the story, but you as the character of the speaker. Oh my gosh, it's kind of a mind-melder, isn't it? When you walk into the room, you You are a character in the story of this moment, as well as the story of this talk. This includes who you are, how you bring yourself fully to that moment. That's why we talk about what you're going to wear when you speak, because it's part of the character that you're playing. We also talk about how you hold yourself, how you walk, what confidence looks like, how you really own your space, and how you invite people into that space. At the risk of sounding a little too theoretical, We are all characters. We are each playing a character in this play of life. We wanna be real, authentic, and true to our own internal character, and we wanna be clear about who we are as a character to others so that people understand who we are from this first moment. In other words, how you bring yourself and your voice into that moment with the audience is character. What's underneath all of my work with my speakers is of course a push towards revealing a little bit more of who we are. My belief is that when we do this, we move our audience. Playing with this dynamic means that we focus on clarifying not just the character in our story, but also the character of who we are as a speaker, as a storyteller, as a leader. Please do not be a perfect character. A little nudge here: make sure that you do not fall for perfection. You do not have to be a perfect character as a speaker, and your stories do not require perfect characters for them to be impactful. In fact, perfect characters are boring, they're unrelatable, they're uninspiring, and they create a glaring and dangerous gap between you, the speaker, and your imperfect audience. One of the most common mantras I use in my work is, "Perfection kills connection, Connection is the point. Perfection kills the connection that we're trying to establish between you and your audience. Don't fall for wanting to tie up your story perfectly. Don't fall for having it all work out. Don't fall for the storybook ending because it's a telltale sign that your story isn't quite real. We feel authenticity. We feel it in our gut more than we are convinced of it in our heads. So your audience, always knows. And despite what our internal panic tells us, audiences appreciate bravery over perfection. Think about the last time you were moved by a story. My guess is it wasn't because it was perfect. My guess is you were moved by the speaker's courage and honesty. So if you as an audience member appreciate authenticity in someone speaking, Why would your audience not appreciate yours? As difficult as it can be to dial down the fear of judgment or our perfectionistic tendencies, don't fall for the desire to polish things and make them perfect. It's okay if your story isn't polished or perfect. In fact, it's better that way. You won't believe it in the moment. Your every instinct will tell you to reveal a more perfect version, because of some idea you've deluded yourself about that your credibility is on the line and your real self somehow won't live up to the moment. But it's a lie. You, as you are, are all that you need. You won't want to believe this, but trust me on it. Who are you? This leads us to the question of who you are, and how you reveal yourself in the moment. Simply put, we need to see who you are from the moment your story starts. What are you and your characters like? What makes this story your story is how clearly you can define yourself as a character from the moment you walk out there. It is your chance to define yourself as a character and share who you are, what you think, what you see, what you know, what you experienced, so that your audience can clearly grasp what makes you, you, which makes it your story. Dynamic number 2: relationship. There are 2 pieces to this second dynamic. One is the relationship between the characters in the story. The other is the relationship between the character and the audience. The relationships between the characters in the story. As a way to illustrate this, my husband Andy is an improviser. He talks about taking a line of dialogue, putting it between two different characters, and seeing how it reveals itself differently. For instance, let's take the line, "I'm hypnotized by your charm." Imagine that being said between a husband and his wife. Aw, kind of sweet, right? What a lovely sentiment when a husband says that. To his wife. Now imagine that being said between a grandma and her grandson. Oh, that has a different sweetness to it, doesn't it? What a sweet and tender moment. Now imagine that being said between a boss and their employee. Ew, that's kind of creepy. Just based on the characters and what we understand about the rules of that type of relationship, the feeling of that line changes completely. We, as storytellers, have to keep in mind the dynamic of relationship and how we can clue our audience in on those relationships and make the meaning of our words and ideas clear. When the dynamic is clear, it helps us understand the inner workings of what's really happening in the story, not just what you're saying, but what it means. The relationship between the character and the audience. Sometimes we think the relationship between speaker and audience can be an antagonistic one, or we're afraid that it may be. The truth is, your audience wants you to succeed, and they are open to a connection with you. And hey, if they're not, there's only so much you can do about that, and thinking that they are not with you is a pernicious, dangerous mind game that does not help you connect with the people in the room who are with you. So it's best to go into the moment believing that they're with you because that is how you create the connection. Here is a pro tip. The relationship with and connection to the audience has nothing to do with what you look like, what your life experiences are, and whether your audience looks the same or has the same life experiences. The relationship between you and your audience has to do with how well you can connect your experience with theirs. Here's one of the most important questions I ask my speakers before we begin preparing for a particular talk and building the stories that will connect them: What is the relationship you currently have with this particular audience? And where do you want that relationship to be? How well does the audience know you? What do they currently believe about you? What are their assumptions and misconceptions? What are the cynics in the back of the room thinking? And with each new context, you have to rethink and realign the dynamic of your relationship with your audience because your story can change the relationship between you and your audience if you're intentional about it. Dynamic number 3 is change. "Story is a yearning meeting an obstacle." Robert Olin Butler. Every good story should have some kind of change that happens in it. It's what I sometimes call the point of no return, or the moment that everything changes. If you're not sure what your story's point of no return is, it's likely the reason why you're telling the story in the first place. So if we think back to my scuba diving story way back in Chapter 18, the point of no return for me was the moment when the water was rising and rising. It was a vivid moment that changed everything. You might call it the aha moment or the moment where everything clicked in a different way. That is the point of no return. Sometimes we've got to dig underneath a few layers to really get to the change. Other times, We've gotta meld together a few different moments and a retelling to articulate and make the point of no return clear to the audience. For example, there were a few more things that happened during the scuba diving story, but they weren't relevant, and they buried the point of no return, the key moment I was trying to bring you to. It took a few times of telling it to edit out the things that were getting in the way and keep it focused on that one moment of change. Here's another pro tip: if the term "aha moment" isn't helpful for you, think of it as a key change instead. Sometimes that moment doesn't strike us like an "aha," which is why I sometimes think of it as a point of no return instead. It's simply the moment where the drama shifts and change. And still, there are other times the change isn't about the circumstances changing around us, but about how we change. Take for example It's a Wonderful Life. In that movie, the world didn't change, but Mr. Bailey sure did. If you've seen it, do you remember the moment when he's up on the bridge about ready to give up? Then the angel comes and Mr. Bailey is catapulted back into his real life, and he sees it all differently. He changed his perspective. He changed because of the journey he had been on. From the point of no return. There has to be some sort of change, but it doesn't have to be as dramatic as an angel saving you from jumping off a bridge. For any moment of change, it is simply something that happens that changes your perspective, and a perspective change can be absolutely life-changing. Without a perspective change, it's a report, an anecdote, or a summary, and who really cares about that? Not us. Story is ultimately about change. Something, aka the point of no return, happened, and that changed everything. That's the end of this chapter of Speaking Story. If you want to keep listening ad-free, you can find the full audiobook on Audible, or subscribe wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube. And if this chapter stirred something in you, if it, shall we say, moved you, let me suggest that you start with the Unspeaker Simple Storytelling audio mini-course at sally-zimney.com/unspeaker. All right, movers. This moved me. What? Is moving you. See you next time.