How I Handle "The Four Uglies!" (Alcohol, Diabetes, Healing & Cheap Seat Comments)

Hello, you absolutely amazing person, you. Now, if you're new to my channel, you wouldn't know this, but my followers would know that I don't usually do rants on YouTube. It's, it's I save it for my shorts or I save it for tick tock. I'm definitely the encouragement, the supporter. Let's try to find the silver lining, the other side of the feather of the coin, all of that. And it's not like today's video is going to be a rant, but there is a theme and the theme is ugliness. Let's talk about it. Hi everybody. My name is Sandy Boucher. I'm Red Thunderbolt, woman of the Loon clan, a proud member of Seine River First Nation in Treaty Tree territory in Northern Ontario. And I am focused on all things and Canadian Indigenous engagement, relationships and eventually reconciliation. I am, I 110% believe indigenous and non can live together, work together, play together, love together, inhabit this beautiful turtle island together. But it's going to take work on both sides. And this is no news to you. There's a lot going on lately, locally, provincially, nationally. Globally. I know so many people that have just stopped watching the news completely and really limited their social media for their mental wellness. This is not a bad thing. And yes, I have handy dandy index cards today. That's the thing. All of that stuff, that's not an exaggeration that is going on. But what I wanted to do today is share some of the ugly I've encountered of late and more share how I've chose to process it and handle it with the hopes that maybe I can inspire you to either. If you think what I did would work for you, please take it, use it. If it works for you, bonus. If not, then maybe it'll help you and inspire you to think of a solution that would work for you. Either way, we go through this life once. Let's not make it ugly. Okay, so first off, and I think I have four or five different examples of ugly, I've saved the one that peeves me off the most for last. But this first one, really close second. Okay, so the first one, alcohol, is ugly. Okay, so what do I mean by that? Well, to give you some context here, today, today. Not today. It was not today. This year I launched my brand new onboarding program. And based on the feedback and all the participants that have taken the course, you can look online to see the, the testimonials. I just thoroughly believe there isn't an entity out there that couldn't benefit from this program. Whether you're indigenous on if you are engaging with each other, this onboarding will help unpack so many stereotypes and give you practical advice on how to move forward. So if you want to know more about that, just check out my website. But because I launched the onboarding program and because I wanted to reach absolutely everyone I knew, I took an advice from my trainer. But I take ownership. I took every flipping email I ever had, threw it into a list and emailed everyone to tell them about the onboarding program. Now, did I feel bad about doing that? No. For one, they all gave me their email addresses. I didn't pay for them or steal them or anything. And two, unsubscribe is an option at the bottom of every email you don't want to hear from me for whatever reason, all the power to you click unsubscribe. That's empowerment. I totally support that. So I sent out the meal, the meal, the email to absolutely everyone. And some did unsubscribe like I said. And so often it's because they're getting swamped with emails and I flipping get it. So someone subscribed. Most of them stayed. Absolutely awesome. And then I woke up this morning and by the way, I'm recording this on a Monday. So starting my work week excited to do good things. Literally the first email I saw there to describe so, you know, you open up your inbox and you can see the lines. This email had zero text in the body. There was just the subject line in cap letters and all it says is I wish you'd F off. I'm not your student anymore. Now again, for context, once before lockdown and once during lockdown, I taught a semester at our local college. I actually taught two courses. The second time. The second time was all virtual, obviously. And most of my students chose not to turn their cameras on. Could care two beans had the most awesome interactions with them. Many of those students I'm still in contact with, whether it's social. One of them I just did an interview with because she wanted to interview me for the university project she's now working on. She went on to even higher education. One of the students I've actually hired to do some work for me, I mean, absolutely amazing. And this particular student, because I saw his name, I know who sent the email. He didn't have his camera on during the class, but we had amazing interactions and even more so long after that course ended, I was at a live event sponsored or hosted by an agency that I didn't realize he worked for. And how would I recognize him? I had never seen him. He made a point of coming up and introducing himself and I was so flipping thrilled to meet him. Kind, sweet. We laughed during class, during the meeting in real life, a total sweetheart. So I looked at this email that was sent like 4am early hours of the morning. I saw the anger in it and I could be totally wrong, but it reminded me of way too many alcohol fueled rants that I have run into, overheard or endured over the years because it didn't sound like him. And like I said, I might be wrong. I could be totally wrong. I don't think so. If nothing else, if it wasn't alcohol, then this boy is struggling. So I did the only thing I could think of doing for one, I immediately removed his email from the list because that's obviously what he wanted me to do. And I sent him one more email and it just had two very short lines. 1. I'm sending this email to confirm that you have been removed from my email list. And 2 I wish you all the best because I do. I didn't hate him before, I don't hate him now. But having said that, I did. I have to call up something here. I did. I process things by writing and I have mentioned in a few of my posts and videos that I'm back on the sub stack and if you're on my email list you actually get my sub. Well, if you subscribe to my sub stack you get an email every Monday only for the people that subscribe to my sub stack. Totally true. And I have been writing to make sense of my world since I was a teenager and that's what I did this morning after receiving this email and I wanted to share this sub stack with you. I'll put the link in the show notes if you want to subscribe. Because this it's not going to show up in people's inboxes to January 19th. I schedule them as I write them and I'm ahead of the game. The blog post is called I Wish. I wish that when I grow frustrated and I'm tempted to bite back, that through some magical cosmic intervention I would suddenly lose the ability to speak so that my ugly is not released onto unsuspecting or even suspecting souls. I wish that when anger or depression takes away my happy that in that instant I would lose the ability to log on to any social media platform. I wish that when I'm tired or hungry or defeated or rejected, that I would lose any ability to communicate. But that my ability to see and hear would be enhanced, helping me to find the beauty in the chaos. I make these wishes not to be better then, but to ensure that I'm not part of the problem. To ensure I do not add to the ugly that robs so many of joy simply because I hurt instead. Creator, in those moments of darkness, please grab me. To please guide me, to grab my phone. Not to post, but to text those nearest and dearest to me, the ones that will sit and cry with me until the sun rises again. And no matter my mood or state, Creator, please make sure my phone is always on just in case the loved one texts. Just in case a loved one needs some company or some sun. That's how I choose to handle that particular type of ugly. Now let's talk about ugly. Type 2 diabetes is ugly because of what it does to the human body. Now for those of you who have followed my journey, read my blog post, watched my videos. By the way, thank you for doing that. I am indigenous. I carry the genes. I have the challenges with the high blood pressure and diabetes both predominant in my bloodline and family tree. And in March of 2025 I was indeed diagnosed diabetic and at my last doctor's appointment, which would have been early November because my numbers are so close to not being diabetic. Like I'm sitting right on that borderline and I've been trying and trying to eat right and trying to exercise and still my doctor, who I adore, my doctor who always is open to trying something new to see if we can get the results we want, decided to prescribe me Ozempic, not to lose weight but to bring the sugars down because I end up losing weight. So in mid November I tried it and I took my first dose of Ozempic. I'm not going to go away into the gory details, I'm just going to tell you the results was so not fun. I had zero quality of life left and after speaking to my doctor we agreed, not for me, nothing, that I should continue. But my weight did come down, my sugars did come down. So here was this dilemma and a decision needed to be made. So I decided definitely not going to do that dance again. Ozempic is not for me. But I thanked Creator for the head start for the couple pounds lost for the sugar coming down and I decided to give it my wholehearted effort to do what I could on my own. I started working out again, which had fallen along the wayside. I started eating healthier again because a couple Bad habits were sneaking back in. I started moving, I started caring, and I continue to lose weight in a healthy way. My goal for this, yes, my doctor's goal is to bring my sugars down. Yes, that's a secondary goal for me. My first goal is to prove to you and all my audiences just how much I value me, this body and this life. And yes, you should be able to know how much I value myself the second you see me, because that says a lot. I can do the dance and say the words and tell you to love yourself and value yourself, but I can tell if you actually do that by how well you take care of yourself. If you're out there exercising, if you're giving your body the food it needs, well, then all the power to you. Because that's the example. That's the example we all need to set on to number three. Healing is ugly. And anyone who's ever gone through it knows it's not some blissful one step at a time journey. It's crying, it's anger. It's two steps forward and three steps back and one step forward. It's ugly. Necessary, but ugly. What's that saying? Healing is a long and painful journey, but without it, life is a long and painful journey. Opt for the healing every single time. And that is literally the work I do balancing the feather. Whether I'm working with non indigenous Canadians or in First Nation communities, there's a whole bunch of healing and ugly that has to be taken care of. We discuss things like racism and internalized oppression and, and what else? Oppression, lateral violence, white fragility. All of these things are part of the healing journey. And it's not about attacking or condemning. It's about owning and realizing where you're coming from and unpacking what you no longer need and getting the help and support. And that is literally what I do now. If there's one thing I've noticed, some people prefer to do that kind of work online. They prefer prefer blah blah, tripping over my words today. They prefer online. They want to be able to turn off their camera or maybe be doodling while they're listening. Other people need it live. They need the safety of the circle. They need the sacred items in the room. They need the option to smudge whatever the case may be, whatever is needed. That's what we're to going going to do. But if there's one thing I've noticed is many need something to do with their hands. It's why traditionally we passed around an eagle feather or passed around a talking stick in our sharing circles because you could run your hands on the ribbons of the feather or you could feel the the texture of the beads on the talking stick and it gave you something to focus on while you're sharing hard, serious, personal things. So let's talk about number 4, the worst one in my mind. Number 4, cheap seat comments are ugly af and if you follow Brene Brown, you know what I'm talking about. It's the man in the arena quote, right? If you are out there in the trenches, if you're in the arena, if you're trying to to invoke change, if you're supporting and encouraging and teaching and guiding, if you are also up to your neck in the mud that I am trying to swim in every single day, then your comments are welcome and appreciated. If your name is out there, if you're also under attack for daring to want to make a difference, value you, appreciate you and would love to hear from you. But if you're sitting in the cheap seats, if you're not even using your real name to comment, if all you are doing is judging other people and condemning them without ever trying to do anything yourself, because complaining is easy. Criticizing is easy. Easy. Get off your tush and do something. Create your own YouTube channel and share your opinion there. I would respect you for that. But if you're going to use some anonymous name and post ugly after ugly after ugly because I'm sorry you got nothing better to do, then you have not paid the price for me to Care 2 beans about your comment. I have. I pay that price every single day by daring to try to make a difference. By supporting and encouraging and helping people stand, not cut them down. So to all of the people in the cheap seats, don't care. Don't care. But if you want to join me in helping to create a difference, a better world for those that come next, then I'd love to hear from you. Otherwise, go create your own channel. Go spit out your own ugly. Create your own ugly little universe. I have zero time for you in mine. So just in closing, I'm going to remind you one last time. Let's look at this blog post one last time. I wish that when I grow frustrated and I'm tempted to bite back, that through some magical cosmic intervention I would say suddenly lose the ability to speak so that my ugly is not released on the unsuspecting or even suspecting souls. I wish that when anger or depression take away my happy that in that instant I would lose the ability to log on to any social media platform. I wish that when I'm tired or hungry or defeated or rejected, that I would lose any ability to communicate, but that my ability to see and hear would be enhanced, helping me to find the beauty in the chaos. I make these wishes not to be better than, but to ensure I'm not part of the problem. To ensure I do not add to the ugly the rob so many of joy simply because I hurt instead. Creator, in those moments of darkness, please guide me to grab my phone. Not to post but to text those nearest and dearest to me. The ones that will sit and cry with me until the sun rises again. And no matter my mood or state, Creator, please make sure my phone is always on just in case a loved one texts. Just in case the loved one needs some company or some sun. Please do me a favor today. Be the sun, be the light, be the encouragement. Be the one willing to sit in the silence and support someone because we've got enough ugly in this world. Until next time. I love you. Take care. Bye bye.