MORE PROOF of Indigenous/Non-Indigenous Relationships that Work! (Walking My Talk w Millie Gormely)

Foreign. Boucher here once again. And welcome back to Walking My Talk. I am so excited about this episode because as you know, I created Walking My Talk to prove a point. For years I've been saying to my audience that I believe with everything in me that indigenous and non indigenous can work together, that we can have real relationships, even friendships, believe it or not. And then I realized earlier this year, wait a minute. I can prove that I can create this podcast and bring on my friends and introduce you to them. And you're going to pick up on the vibe. You're going to see that this isn't fake. You know me, I don't do fake and neither do the people I work with. So I'm really excited today because if anyone should have been my first guest a formally because Millie and I have known each other for so long, worked together in many different capacities, and I am proud and thrilled to call her a true friend. So everyone, welcome, and here's Millie Gorm.

Yay, Jazz hands. Well, thank you so much. Yours, Sandy, is just the sweetest. Like, seriously, it's just, it's just, it's an honor to be here and thank you for having me. And you know what? It's, you're absolutely right. It's true. And there's no reason that there's no reason. Well, no, there's a lot of reasons. That's the problem. There's a lot of reasons, and good ones too, that indigenous people and mainstream people are wary of each other in some ways, more certainly more cause on the indigenous side than on the mainstream side. But yeah, it's nice to be able to have these conversations and to have hope for change. So happy to be here. Thanks for having me.

And you know, what you just touched on and I knew this was going to happen. We're just going to each other like crazy because that's what we do. But you pointed out something that I think is incredibly important and we've definitely done this. And, and for the people watching, I'm not talking about a formal meeting. We're going to sit down to discuss how to build relationships with indigenous people. That is as far from millionaires relationship as you can get. But we've sat together, whether it's coffee or a nice glass of wine because we've earned that. And it comes up in conversation. And I know there's times you have asked me, okay, what about this? Right? You know, I'm seeing this happening and this is how I've interpreted it. Am I missing something? Like, and that's what it is like just an honest curiosity. If there's one thing I don't want non indigenous people doing, and I've definitely seen it happen, is seeking out a friendship with an indigenous person just because I want to learn, that's that. Instruct extraction. Right, Exactly. It's like, it's. Ew.

It's. It's ticking a box. It's. It's suggesting that, you know, I'm doing. It's. It's puffing yourself up. Like, I'm doing such a good thing by befriending an indigenous person because they have. They have so much to like. Okay. Not to get. They have so much to teach me. Ahoy. You know, kind of getting.

Ooh, right.

It gets icky so quickly.

Well, on one side, like you said, here we go. This is all about me. I want the brownie points. And on the other side, you realize you're using us, right? That's not an actual relationship or God forbid, it's not a friendship. That is just extraction. I just want you for the information or the brownie points to be able to say I.

You.

Right.

Yeah. It's. It's like. It's like there's men out there. You know, as women, we know what this is like too. There's men out there who will try to befriend you, and they're trying to get into your pants. This is sort of an emotional and intellectual version of that.

Welcome to our relationship.

Oh, got weird so quickly thing.

There's.

There.

Okay. I don't know if we're allowed to mention this. Can I mention your book? Well, it's not ready yet.

It's. It's sort of a bookish at this point. Because it's not ready yet. No doubt at all. Like, so say so. I will. Yeah, we can mention that. I mean, I am in the process of writing a book, or I'm calling it a book project because I hesitate to call it a real book because Sandy's written multiple real, real books. And this is just a booklet. It's a bookish. It's book type thing that I'm doing. But. But yeah, it's. It's. And Sandy was so kind to be one of my. My beta readers, and she's offered me some. You've offered me some wonderful insights and thoughts, and I'm absorbing all of this and. But yeah, I'm working on a book.

So the reason I brought it up was when I read the book, and I'm pretty sure it was page one and you use the word Shit. Like. Like getting your shit together. And I laughed. Like, I literally laughed out loud. It's like, why would I expect anything else from Billy? Even her book is authentic Millie. Right. So I love it. And they reference. You just made you pants. Exact same thing. Right. Like. And anyone who follows my career knows metaphors work. I use them all the time. And that is a very accurate analogy as far as I'm concerned. So right now for that. Now, if anyone's watching this and going, why does Millie look familiar? That's because Millie and I used to do a podcast together. I can't remember.

I don't either. We should. I feel like we should know this. But, yeah, it was. It was a brief kind of thing. We didn't do it for long enough, and we just both got caught up with other things. But it was so much fun to do.

I.

See. It tells you how fast life moves these days.

Well, and the thing is, if you go on my YouTube channel and look under the podcast links, all those past episodes are there. Even if I can't remember the name of the podcast, I feel like we.

Should go look it up and edit this or something. That doesn't seem very. If we remember, it'll be in the show notes.

Yeah, yeah. We'll put the logos in the picture and we'll make it it all. Because at one point and the second and then. Yeah, yeah. So welcome to our world as well.

But there you go.

Speaking of which. So if you recognize Millie, you're not imagining things. This is definitely. We've done this format before now. I think we've attempted a couple times to try to figure out how long we've known each other. And I don't think we've ever been so successful.

I don't think we've nailed it down because we've been kind of in each other's orbit for quite a long time before we ever really got to know each other personally very well. So I'm going to say at least 20 years that we've known of each other, at the very least.

Yeah. So I'm thinking I moved back to Thunder Bay and got involved with Peril, which is, I think, where we first crossed paths. Because I know you've mentioned that before. I have that. And I possibly.

Yeah, go ahead.

I move back in 2009, so that's when I became the entrepreneur and started my business and all of that.

Okay. A little less than 20 years then.

Yeah. So around there. But we definitely danced together a long time, and we always end up the same Events. Hello again. How are you?

Right, exactly.

And, and you know what? I was actually thinking back, I, I was running my business. I have no idea who I was working with or whatever at the time, but we used to meet like every now and then for lunch to touch. Do you remember that?

Yeah, it might have been the business women's network.

Oh, that's right. Thunder Bay business. I forgot about that. Yes. Yeah, we went to one of those nurseries together for one of the meetings.

Yeah, yeah, yes, yes.

But while I was bringing up those lunch and see, we really, we just are tangent, Tangent. These, these little milestones of me. They're there. But why I mentioned the monthly luncheons and you know, meeting and catching up and whatever. Oh, I remember you told me you were doing, you were going back to acting and we. Oh, yes, that, you know, I should try that because I was interested in improv. But why I mentioned it was actually because I, I, I'm owning this. I have attempted to work with you in a financial capacity before. Like, okay, prior to this current. So again, full disclosure, Millie's my financial advisor, highly recommend her work. But I remember way back when I attempted working with you.

Okay.

And I didn't have it together. Like, my financial reality was still doing this. Not enough even to settle down, to have a monthly withdrawal for savings. Right. It was still all over the map. And the reason why I bring that up is I know that's a huge thing for indigenous peoples, that shame and guilt is a part of our journey. I mean, you must be ashamed for being indigenous. Baloney. But the influence is definitely there. Add in money and like, the risk just went through the roof. And for my followers and the viewers that are watching, one of the things I love about Millie, for one, like I said, she's authentic.

Heck.

Which as indigenous people, we appreciate that because that's who we are. We just blurt things out. But I have never, ever felt awkward or uncomfortable or embarrassed because I didn't know what a TFSA was or whatever. Right. And because my income for so many years was non taxable income, people in the audience just freaked. We won't, we're not going there. We're not going down that tangent. But because of that, I didn't know about RRSPs and other things that you didn't need to.

It wasn't relevant to your life.

Yeah. And, and honestly, I can't remember who it was. I think it was a representative at my bank because I saw the commercials and I saw everyone talking about RRSPs so I asked one day, like, should I have one of these? And he just kind of looked at me with a, a kind but silly grin. And it was like, hm, okay, you're going to take non taxable income, put it in an RSP and make it taxable when you take it out. Don't do.

Yeah, don't do that.

And I was like, oh, well, thank you. Because you watch the commercials and you assume that's what you're supposed to have if you're a responsible, successful adult. Right. You. And no, it doesn't apply.

No. And so this is something I feel pretty strongly about this idea that. Well, two, two thing. I feel strongly about a lot of things, but two things that really come to mind when you're, when you're talking about that. First of all, this idea that we should feel ashamed of financial situations we were in or decisions we made in the past. I'm sorry, that's crap. We all have stuff in life that happens to the people in front of us, that happens to us, that happens because of us. There's things we need to take responsibility for, but we, and we. There's things we shouldn't carry the burden of from the people who came before us. A lot of our own internal money stories are shaped by circumstances that aren't ours. And especially in, and this is just my observation, especially in the indigenous community, there's so much ancestral trauma that money is just one, another one that gets carried through. And it's a, it's a big one for functioning in the mainstream world.

You know, it's another thing that I just realized the other day. And you know me, I'm always analyzing and looking at things and like, why didn't I realize that? Yeah, because I'm 61 and getting closer to that age where other people retire. Ellie and I joke about this all the time. We don't even discuss that word because that's not happening.

But you know what?

I realized? Largely because I've been doing a lot of events lately, either in First Nation communities or with First Nation agencies. So that's who I've been surrounded by. And these are dedicated, hardworking, long term, like 20 years, 25 year employees. And for the most part, the people I work with are closer to my age. And what I realized, remembered, I guess, because way back when, before I started my business, owner Here Comes Blue to join the fun. Before I started my business, I worked in those agencies, in those nonprofit indigenous agencies, trying to improve the situation for our families and our friends and communities. And what I didn't realize until just the other day. And I think it's changed now for some, but not all those nonprofit agencies when you work there and dedicated your life and whatever. And sure, if you got to the upper levels, you're making fairly decent money. They never had benefits. Yeah, right. So we, you could work hard every day of your adult life and get to retirement and the only thing you have is the government pensions. Because it wasn't that those benefits set aside, which is another trap keeping people in poverty. Right. So unless someone like the conversation I had with the bank dude, unless someone is talking about, okay, do you realize and you know what the other thing is to like I can look to my mom and my mom lived quite comfortably on her pensions. My mom also didn't spend a dime. She sat on her couch and knitted. Right. She never went anywhere and she didn't eat that much. I mean, and she was in a rent controlled department. So unless you add in the vulnerables or variables, I should say you could lead yourself to this false assumption that yeah, you could live quite comfortably on your pensions and maybe in community you could if you're lucky enough to own your house or whatever or have your house with the reserve. But I mean, if you're living in the city, have fun.

Well, it's. You had an interesting little Freudian slip there. You know, the variables and the vulnerables. The variables are what make you vulnerable. Right. And that's another thing I feel very strongly about is the fact that we all have our own individual variables. And so the idea that there is one right way, blanket set of rules that you should follow to be financially secure, you know, you just do, just do this, this, this and this and you're going to be okay. No, because your situation is not, my situation is not buddy down the street situation. And you've got to be able to know, Kitty, you've got to be able to know how to manage your own situation and your own vulnerabilities and your own variables to make it work. And this is where, this is where I get a little bit upset at people who say, oh, I don't need a financial advisor or you know, I get all my financial advice off of YouTube or God forbid, TikTok. You know, that's, that's information and that can be very useful. And there are people who are able to take that and run with it and do very well with it and make that work. But those you need to be extraordinarily disciplined and able to overlook your own sort of emotional Biases and your own stuff in order to really make that happen. There's a very big difference between gathering information and getting advice.

Well, and I think that is the ego trip of the modern era. Like, I mean, pick any topic, whether it's politics, whether it's finances, whether it's education, whatever. There's a bunch of YouTube warriors or TikTok warriors that I watch three videos and now I'm an expert in this field, which to me is the biggest ego trip ever.

Oh, yeah.

Take out the years of education and training that the actual experts put in, and you think you're so intelligent that you can equal them after watching three videos. Like, how does you. How do you fit your head into your house? I mean, that makes no sense to me. I agree. Information. Like, I have definitely seen some videos, and I was like, I need to talk to Millie. Right, Perfect. Exactly. To hear something and then have that person to go to is amazing. I keep coming back to your book for some reason, and I'm not giving away the farm here, but in the book, you ask a whole bunch of questions that help people. And I love that part in that it helps the reader decide, what do you want? Like, what's important to you? Not the. The scenario or the one size fits all? And then what if this happens? Or what if that happens? And I know when I gave you the feedback, I commented, effective because I booked an appointment with you.

Yes, you did.

One of the questions, it was like, oh, I have to talk to Billy.

Perfect.

And I think that, like, in my line of work, there's a lot of talk about, you know, what does success look like to you? And I think that closely ties, like, yeah, if you never care to have a Ferrari in your driveway, then you probably shouldn't be saving for a Ferrari in your driveway. Right. Because you're putting a whole bunch of stress into your life that you don't really need.

Well, think. Think about your mom, right? Think about your mom and how she lived and having. She had. She had enough. She had what she needed. And, you know, now granted, she may have had money anxieties and worries that we are not privy to because you never know what goes on inside somebody else's head. But at the same time, would it be fair or reasonable of someone to look at her. Her balance sheet, to look at her bank statement or to look at her investment statements and say, you have failed, Failed because she didn't have a million dollars in the bank and she didn't.

Stress over money because I know what her bank Good for her. And my mom, if anything else, she was the epitome of living well below her means, like, literally. But that was that era, too. Right. Like, my mom bought things when they were on sale. She, like, we always used to tease her, because if you needed a battery, talk to Mom. There was a box somewhere of every kind of battery you could ever need. Right. Definitely. Like, honestly, to go to a sad but funny moment when I was packing up her apartment after she left, it was like, mom, why do you need 5,000 safety? What you never know did you think was coming. And we got to laugh at how frugal she was, but she didn't worry because she had what she needed. Right. She had zero interest in fancy restaurants or travel. And I mean, if you do, that's all the power to you. That's great. It wasn't some. She was most comfortable. Her security came from knowing I have a roof over my head and then I can afford to make whatever payments. And I mean, it was utilities included. Included. I mean, she. She set herself up. And you're right, she chose to move there when my dad passed away. She quickly understood. We had the big house, the barn. Right. And it was huge. And it was expensive to maintain. And mom quickly realized, not feasible. Like, we can't stay here. She moved into an apartment. She was still working full time at that point, but she knew, I don't want to worry about, you know, if the roof leaks or if the furnace goes or whatever.

Right? Yeah.

And buddy.

Yeah.

Her life would be horrific for someone who, you know, home ownership is the way to go, or I want to have something passed down to my kids or whatever the case may be.

Yeah, absolutely. So her lifestyle, her amount of money that she needed was what she needed. And she. She kind of got that figured out in a way that she could be comfortable with. And other people might not be comfortable with that. You know, other people would be very upset if they didn't get to travel a couple of times a year or if they didn't get to, you know, go to. Go to a nice restaurant once in a while, something like that. And whether she could or she couldn't, that is kind of irrelevant because she didn't want to. Yeah, right. It is difficult when you want. It comes down to managing expectations, I guess. Right. And this is something that society has done to us where our expectations are set so high that it's not. It's not feasible or realistic or reasonable for us to have a lot of the expectations that society tells us we should have. You know, to feed the capitalistic beast. To keep working to the extent that you're. You're killing yourself, all for a retirement that may never come because you had a heart attack and you killed yourself.

Exactly.

It's just I. I keep telling clients all the time, I don't want you to die on a pile of money.

Yeah.

I want you to enjoy your life.

Yeah. Yeah.

It's finding that balance and making it work.

Yeah. And the other side of that coin, too. Growing up in poverty, you know, counting every penny, always way more months than money, I kind of ended up in this mindset. It wasn't helpful, for the record, that those things that, you know, you saw advertised and you're supposed to be able to do were out of my reach. Right. And I just accepted that. And for one, going on a vacation, you know, a nice southern vacation, it was something I always wanted to do. Just assume that was for affluent people to do until I actually called my travel agent from friend and said, what would this cost? And was incredibly shocked at the amount. Now, I mean, if you're impoverished, yes, it's going to be out of your reach, but it definitely wasn't the number I thought it was going to be. And it's like what I could do.

You mean I could actually do this?

Right. Yeah. And just realize, like, don't make assumptions. Again, back to the expert. By the way, before I forget, because I really do want to highlight this because I love this about you. Yes. Millie's a financial advisor, and there's a couple of those out there, in case you haven't noticed.

Quite a few.

But Millie works with a very specific group of people, so go for it.

Okay. So my focus is on working with what I call independent women. So if you're single, you're widowed, you're divorced, or you just keep your finances separate from your partner, I think that is an underrepresented slice of society for getting financial advice. So often women are kind of talked down to and patronized, or it's assumed that there's going to be a man around to take care of things, and you shouldn't wear your pretty little head over it. That just enrages me to no end. And another thing is that I work with women who are in, call it an income or assets bracket that's not necessarily high net worth. So, you know, I've got my minimums because I have to, because there's only so much of me to go around. But at the same time, you don't have to have a million Dollars before I'll talk to you because for one, that just feels very rude. And for another, you can need and benefit from what I do without having to have that level first. So my whole goal is to help my clients get all of those pieces of their financial lives working together. So we start talking about your cash management. You know, what's coming in, what's going. How can we sort of stop the bleeding on things where we can and start siphoning things off so we can prepare for your future? We'll talk about tax management, same kind of thing. How can you keep more of what you're earning? We'll talk about retirement and investment planning. You know, what do you want to be when you grow up? What do you want the rest of your life to look like, and how do we pay for it? Right? And we talk about, you know, what types of investments are suitable for you based on your time frames and your goals and, you know, your. Your temperament, really. Because it's easy for me to say, okay, you are a woman who is X years old. You want to retire in X number of years with this amount of money and blah, blah, blah. And the math part is not anywhere near as important as the emotional part, because markets go up and markets go down, and you need to be able to be. To stay invested when things are going crazy in the world around you. You need to be comfortable that what you've got is solid and makes sense for you. And then kind of on the back end of things. I help people get their insurance needs sort of analyzed and set up because you want to be able to protect everything that you're building for you and for the people that you care about. And then finally, it's about estates, right? So like I said, I don't want people to die on a pile of money, but if we work things out right, there will be a little something left. And how can we set that up so that it goes where and how you want it to? So I want my clients to be calm. You know, let's. Let's see what the situation actually is before we freak out. Let's lay everything out on the table and say, okay, here's where we're at. How do we get from where we're at to a better place? And then once we kind of get that built and in place and tweaked and massaged and maintained along the way, then you can be calm, you can be comfortable, and you can be confident in your financial future. So that's. That's what I do. That's what I want for my clients.

Which reminds me, I'm going to go off on a personal tangent for a sec. Viewers, just ignore this. Millie, we definitely need to book a longer appointment because I'd love to go through all of that just to update it because so much has changed on my side.

Exactly.

So yes, we'll do this for me, but we'll do a good long review. Yeah. And the one thing that I would like, and I think this is possible, but I'm not certain is that if God forbid, something happens to me, that you are like the go to person so that you know about my insurances and you know about the agreement of what happens with my website of everything happens to me because that's being finalized. So. But so that it would be easy on my kids to be able. Okay. Millie has these answers. Right.

So I can do that to a certain extent. Like I cannot be your executor and probably leave this in for other people.

But yeah, you know, documents are basically. So.

Yeah, you, you tell me. I'll keep notes and I'll tell them. Yeah, you know, that's. Yeah, sure, absolutely. We can talk about that.

They know it. In that moment, you forget all that stuff.

So. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

So how are things going? Like. And by the way, you made the comment a couple things from the viewers. I don't have a million dollars. So what she said, not yet. That is true. The other thing is, I don't know if you know this, but I have. It's a habit I've had probably since I was counting pennies. And there's probably a habit I'm going to keep forever. But I update all of my. Like I have a spreadsheet and it's like the bank accounts, what's on the cards, what's in my investments, every single day. So. And that would freak people out if you are not okay with the markets, like you said, absolutely nothing else. I totally understand that the markets do this now. Watching it, it's like, oh, it's up. Oh, it's not anymore. Right. And it doesn't freak me out at all because it's minor, because I'm looking at it daily. But understanding and really embracing that. If that change is going to make you nervous, don't look at it. To me, it was like a learning curve. It was absolutely. This isn't every now and then it goes down. No, it's doing the dance all the time. Right.

Every single day, you know, and yeah. And again it, it does come back to the emotional aspects of things. Because I have people who, who will check their stuff every single day. Like we have, we have apps for that. You could have it on your phone. And then I've got people that every year I have to call them up and, and say, you know, you know, you're getting tax slips, you need to open those envelopes because I know you don't open your statements.

Right.

So yeah, it's, everybody's a little bit different. Like I don't personally check my own stuff every day. I don't have the time. And frankly, after looking at everybody else's stuff all day, I'm tired of it because I'm not having any plans to need any of it for at least 15 years. Right.

I'm working and this is a mental thing. And again, whether you're indigenous, non indigenous, or like, I don't care if you've done any kind of level of imperial impoverished. To me it is like a security blanket. Check it. See, everything's good, it's still there. Then I don't know why my mind thinks it's gonna vanish and it's like, nope, still there, still doing okay. Like, look, everything's good. So to me, it's just that, yep, we're doing okay. Keep going. Right? So, yeah, yeah. And I mean, whatever works, right?

Whatever works for you as an individual human being, it's fine. And yeah, like these, these financial gurus who go on. And again, giving in, giving advice disguises information or information disguised as advice. I think it's information disguised as advice. Telling people that, you know, this is how it is and you should do this and very, and giving you very specific things you should do. You should look at your statements every two months and rebalance it every six months, blah, blah, blah. Maybe you should, maybe you shouldn't. Yeah, I hate, I hate the word should. Just, it just, I have other issues when it comes to that kind of thing. But, but you've got to figure out, just like everything else in life, you've got to figure out what works for you. And that can take some time and that could take a little bit of effort, but, you know, figure out what, what kind of, what level of, of of attention you want to be paying to things and, and set yourself up accordingly. Because if you're, if you're doing, say, individual stocks and you're buying and selling stuff like a day trader, then you absolutely should be looking at your stuff all day, every day and being very, very on top of it. Whereas if you're using something in the Business we call the managed solutions, where it's designed to be a who kind of in one thing. And there is a team of people managing that all day, every day. They've got, they've got the big computers and the big brains and the fancy suits. They're in there doing that. Then yeah, you probably don't need to be looking at it every single day because that's what they're doing. So somebody is on it. It doesn't need to be you. But you know, some people aren't, aren't comfortable with that. So whatever works.

And like I said, for me it's so totally information and, and when it came to the stocks or whatever, I have enough to manage running my business and running my home. The thought. And I know like, and I thought they were really promoting like doing your personal investing and playing on the star stock market for a while. And there was a whole bunch of different apps and things and on one side. Yeah, that sounds kind of interesting too. Do not have the time, like I do not have the bandwidth, the brain power, whatever to become an expert in 52 different fields like, and that take away from what I do know. So it's like. No, that's Millie.

Yep.

So.

Well, that's the thing. I don't cut my own hair, I don't sew my own clothes, I don't take charge of my medical care. I go to a doctor, I don't try to write my own legal documents. I go to a lawyer for that. And this is, this is no different. You know, some people do want to go to that level of granularity of self managing and that's actually, that's great. You know, I'm really happy that it is an available option for people to do that because for years and years it wasn't. And if you wanted to make a trade on your account, you had to call up, call up your broker and hope that he was there and you know, make sure that they would do the trade for you and fill out all the paperwork and charge you 50 bucks to do it. And now you can go on your phone and trade crypto in a heartbeat. I mean, that's awesome that people can do that, but that doesn't mean that everybody has to do that or that it's suitable for everyone to be made to do that.

One thing I've definitely noticed in the conversations I've had and I'm wondering if you see them in the ones you have with clients. So back to YouTube and TikTok again and then just this Inundation of information. Information on so many topics. I see people confusing the states with Canada. Right. I will see an information video and it's like. But that's US based. Like we have different rules, different legislation. Things are done differently and. But it's getting all mixed up. So you definitely do see that.

Yeah, not so so much because most people that I'm working with are at least aware that, you know, we have RRSPs and TFSAs and they have 401ks and IRAs in the states. Right.

So if you're thinking why you don't have a 401k, that's why. Yes.

You don't. As a Canadian, you do not need a 401k. You actually cannot have a 401k. It is not on the table for you. Let it go. And.

Yes, so I see that confusion all the time. The other thing I wanted to point out to the viewers and one of the things I love about the work you do, Millie, as a female who's been around for a while, I'll just put it that way. Life has a habit of lifing.

It really do.

Right. And you may think, and you may be in this awesome place, but suddenly a divorce happens or a separation happens or God forbid, a partner passes away and the game changes. Right?

Absolutely.

And that's why I love that that's a segment you work with. Because I've been there, been there, done that. In those moments where it all feels overwhelming, where you are so conscious of the fact that you don't have the answers. And, and for many people, not having any clue where to get the answer. And in the past, this is before I found Millie, definitely run into one or two financial advisors of the male persuasion that were more than willing to look down on me as the poor little lady that doesn't know what she's doing. And it's okay, I'll take care of it for you. Not explaining anything that. Exactly. Exactly as far away from empowerment as you can get, which is a. Yeah. And that doesn't make you feel better, that makes you feel worse. Right. So, yeah.

When you're in the thick of a major life change, you know, you're going through the divorce, you've just, you've just buried your partner. You know, you've just lost your job. There's a period of time where you probably shouldn't be making major financial decisions because you're not in a good place for it. Right. There's. There's that whole. That comes. Comes back to calming down and just being calm. And that is kind of part of what I do is just having these conversations with people and just letting them. Letting them let it out and helping them kind of process it. I can't. I can't fix the situation. I cannot do it for you. You know, I cannot go with you to your lawyer and help you negotiate your divorce. But I can be there to listen and I can help you sort out what your life is going to look like after this period is sort of in the rearview mirror. And I think it's. Yeah, jumping the gun on major financial decisions is something that we should be aware of and try to avoid because you don't know who you are in that moment. If you've been a wife for 20 years and now all of a sudden because of a divorce or a death, you're not a wife anymore, your life is not going to look the same going forward. And you need to take a little bit of time to kind of sit back and figure out, who am I now? Because that's the person you need to be making decisions for. And so you need to know who she is at least a little bit. Right. And there are ways. One of the things that I really am a big believer in is having flexibility in your financial plan, so not nailing yourself down to a very specific set of goals and instructions. And this is. This is what we're going to do and this is how it's going to be for the next 20 years. And we're going to buy an annuity so you never to think about this again. Like, I'm not a big fan of doing things like that because removes the possibility of adjusting for growth, like personal growth. Right. You're going to be a different person after. After this is all sort of behind you. So who do you want to be going forward? And that's a conversation that can take a long time to figure out. It just does.

And I just realized one thing, another reason why we fit together so well. So I'm a huge fan of what I call, like, coping mechanisms. I can't control what's going to happen, but if I know that's a possibility, I can prepare in case it does happen. Right. So it's not about control. It's about making sure that you're standing on stable ground. So in the case of your work, on one side you're helping people, people grow and, and achieve the things they want to achieve. And on the other hand, it's making sure you're on stable ground for when the things we don't see coming happen.

Right. What if we have to pivot?

Exactly. And, and anyone who's been on the planet for any length of time, pivoting will happen. Like. Well, we did lock down, for God's sakes.

Right, because that was a pretty major pivot.

Yeah, exactly. It's like, well, like I remember and back then I was only doing live events. I was actually at an event when they announced the lockdown and I had, I was out of town, so I had about a four hour drive home to process what is that even going to look like? Right.

Yeah.

And then I know for me, Well, I lost 48 grand in 24 hours. And that was email after email after email of an event canceling. Because obviously my, my work became legal overnight. You can't have live events, so. And join the wtf. Right. So now obviously, in that case, I don't think any of us saw a global pandemic coming. And by the way, I'm still here on this side of even that. But that's having people in your corner to, to, you know, okay, just knock.

Ideas around if nothing else. Yeah.

Brainstorming, right. What can work? And I mean, I love it when we do get together so much of now. How long have you been in business?

I have been a financial advisor since 2006. So 19 years in, counting on 20.

Okay, awesome. And 16 for me. So I love that when we get together we do the entrepreneurial check in. Okay. So what are you doing with your social media? What are you doing with this?

Right.

And, and you know, wow, that sounds great. What is that, what is that program? And just, just like you said, brainstorming, having someone that you don't have to try everything on your, your own, even if it's. I'm not doing this, but I heard someone's using this and it's absolutely amazing.

So yeah, like we all, as entrepreneurs and as self employed people, we all have to find our own path. And I think that sometimes, certainly in my industry, there's a lot of fomo, there's a lot of shiny objects, there's a lot of squirrel. You know, someone is doing X things, so therefore I should be doing it. And if I'm not doing it, is there something wrong with me? So, so there's a lot of things that can kind of knock you down and make you feel inadequate. And it's nice to be able to talk to people like yourself who have a different perspective on things, certainly if you're in a well established industry. And I mean speaking is not as well established an industry in that sense of having that sort of massive infrastructure as financials.

Yes.

But still, I mean, you probably hear about things that other people are doing, other speakers are doing that, that maybe I should be doing this. And again, maybe you should, maybe you shouldn't. It's always great to explore things. Like I am a big junkie for, you know, ooh, what's a new idea? But I've had to learn because again, there's only one of me. There's only so much I can do, there's only so much budget I have to try new things is that you've got to be very choosy about what you commit your time and your money and your energy to.

Yeah. And you know, one, one thing I've definitely noticed of late, and I assume you've noticed it at some point as well. When I was in my first years of business, starvation was an absolute fear. Right. It's like, well, yeah, starved to death if I don't bring money in. And so talking about the shiny object, every now and then I would get an offer where I could help another company do this and it would be a revenue stream, but it wasn't my lane and there were times I did take it just to make sure there was revenue coming in or whatever. And in the last, just in the last six months, so 16 years in from the people watching, I've had a couple of those offers and both times it was like, I will never take that much energy away from my late. Like it is. Yeah, yeah. It could be another revenue stream. I could make more staying in my lane. Right.

So it's having that confidence to do that.

Exactly.

And that comes with time.

Yeah. The fear is being replaced by confidence that. Yes, it's like, no, that now I know, like you just said, finite amount of energy, money, whatever it is, and if I, I send little bits everywhere, I'm only getting. Putting in little bits of effort, whereas if I focus, then I've got everything I've got. Right.

And you have to have an enormous amount of faith in yourself to actually trust that you can bring in money. Even though it looks like in your. The, the place you want to be making money, it looks like there's nothing coming in. And you can see the calendar and it's clear for weeks and months on end and. But you've got this thing that's right here. Even though it's not really a. Aligned with who you are or what you want to be doing. It's so tempting to just kind of Grab that. Because there's always that, that little voice in the back of your head going, I'm not going to eat.

Yeah. And you know when in the beginning knock your socks up, right? Like you got to do those. I think it's like my summers tend to be, this is funny, my summers tend to be slow. So in the first couple of years I even did like part time work for other businesses just to make sure I had some kind of money coming in in the summer. And then when it stabilized like by probably year 10, I realized I have a career that forces me to slow down in the summer.

Hello.

Why am I biting this? Like, seriously, right? It's like, wait a minute.

Maybe we should roll with this.

Exactly. The creator saying, I'm trying to give you time in your backyard. Why are you fighting me?

Right?

And instead preparing for it as opposed to, oh God, I wish, like, I wish I was working in the summer. What? What?

So, yeah, because we all need those periods of rest. And again, because you're, you're an entrepreneur and you're someone who is engaged. Like our business is between our ears all the time. Were always on some level thinking about work. And so to have seasons in your business where you don't have that, that level of pressure on you all the time, that's a gift. And it took me so long to realize that too. Right. So that whole idea of I don't, I don't have 15 appointments this week. What's wrong? Well, maybe you just don't have 15 appointments this week. Maybe that means you can catch up on something else.

How about that? Like sleep. Scary and novel. Like sleep. Yeah. Yeah. So I mean, we get wiser as we get older and I think if nothing else, you really embrace, you're not meant to do this alone. And friendships and partnerships and having people to bounce things, ideas bounce ideas off of just makes it so much easier and so much more enjoyable. So.

Oh yeah.

Do you have a busy week ahead probably?

Yeah, I do actually. I have quite a number of appointments and I'm getting ready to do. So mid November, I'm speaking at an experts summit on divorce. So people who are, you know, in that space right now and they're kind of going through things. There's going to be, there's a couple of financial advisors speaking, I'm one of them. There's going to be, you know, a couple of lawyers, a couple of accountants, a couple of divorce coaches, some therapists, you know, just experts around the whole spectrum of everything to do with divorce. So kind of Preparing for that and trying to get the, the book booklet project. Bookish thing happening.

Yes, yes. And I know for me I was out of the office three out of five days last week, which is always amazing because I love what I do, but also what's happening back home. I know there's an email I forgot to respond to. So today is all of the battle today, this week is all the background stuff because I'm traveling again next week.

So perfect.

To my world, I'm surfing. That's what I'm doing.

And that, and that works for you, right? So yeah, I mean the, the massive, massive benefit that we have as self employed people is that we can organize our lives how we want. And now granted, sometimes that means working any 14 hours of the day that you want, but it should also encompass it's 2 o' clock on a Friday. I'm pretty much tied up for the weekend. I'm going to leave the. I'm going to shut the computer down without guilt. You know, you don't have to sit in the desk from 9 till 5. It's probably better for you if you don't.

Yes, exactly. And I do that almost daily because I start probably at my desk by 5:36am I know that makes Millie cringe.

Oh girl, more power to you. You're toast.

3, 4 o', clock, I'm probably not at my desk. That's when I'm going to do my area. That's when I'm off meeting with someone where like my brain is firing on all cylinders first thing in the morning. So that's when I'm doing the spreadsheets and reports and everything that needs that level of concentration and I save conversations for the afternoon because then it's just my brain is calm. So it's like now I can focus on you and I'm not panicking to remember everything. So again, what works for you, whether it's a plan for your financial future or how you run your business or your life. So. But anyway, it was amazing catching up with you. Any excuse to catch up.

I'm so glad we did this. Yes.

Yeah. When last time I saw you it's like, wait a minute, why is Millie not been on my podcast?

I don't know. Probably you probably thought I was already on because we've done so many podcasts before. Yes.

Okay. Okay, hon, you take care. Thank you so much for coming out today.

Thanks for having me.

Love ya.

Bye.

Bye.