Episode 1280 Scott Adams: I Teach You How to Plan an Insurrection

Hey, everybody. I'm coming to you from my man cave in Northern California in an otherwise undisclosed location. Now, if you're like me, and you've been watching the news, and you've been watching our Congress in action, you might be saying to yourself, something like this, I think we need some kind of insurrection, or a couple. Call them the same thing. And you're thinking to yourself, how can I mount an insurrection or mount a coup against the government of the United States? And you're thinking to yourself, that's a pretty big job. It's a big job, and you're going to need to be prepared. So I'm going to teach you what you need to have ready for when you plan your coup or your insurrection. Now, the first thing you're going to be worried about is who you're going against. In this case, you'd be going against the entire military of the United States. So that's pretty big, right? The entire military of the United States. The greatest fighting force ever assembled in the history of civilization. So that's a pretty big mountain to climb. But if you went at that unprepared, what are your odds really? Let's say you just said, I'm gonna throw an insurrection, I'm not gonna be prepared. How's that gonna go against a nuclear arsenal? Not well. I mean, I think they're gonna win almost every time. But let's say you were prepared, and I'm gonna teach you how. If you're prepared, a little bit goes a long way. And let me tell you how to get ready for an insurrection. The first thing you need, and this is something we've learned recently, is a handful of these. Twist ties. Well, actually, they're plastic ties. Don't use the twist ties. They will not work in an Insurrection. But the plastic ones, especially the white ones, you get a good handful of these and you're ready to take over a major military power. I mean, what are they going to do when they see these? They might fight if they're foolish, but I think a lot of them would just give up their weapons and turn and run once they saw you had these. Now, here's the thing. It's not necessary for every person in the Insurrection to come equipped like this. I mean, that would be impractical. You wouldn't expect everyone to come prepared, right? You can never get that with any crowd. But you really need just one guy. Or it could could be a woman. A woman or man, or whatever you would like to label yourself. You just need one of them. And One handful of these. These are plastic ties, so make sure you get the right kind. These are a little small. This. This one is just about right for overthrowing a major military power. Look at the length you've got to get at least. Get at least this length here would be a mistake. A lot of people who show up with a coup and they'll have these small ones. What are you going to do with this? Are you going to. Are you going to tie up somebody's finger? This is stupid. There's no way you're going to have a successful insurrection if you bring the wrong kind of plastic ties. That's not gonna work. All right? Now, that's not the only thing you need, because that would be dumb, right? How are you gonna overthrow a major military with one person bringing one handful of plastic ties? And that's not all you need, right? So we're not done yet. There's something else very important. And if you don't do this part, what kind of a coup are you going to have? Not much, really. And that part is you need at least one member, and it could be you don't wait for someone else to do this. You got to step up if you're running an insurrection or a coup. And this is the important part. You got to bring at least one funny hat. Now, I've heard it said that you need a Viking hat for a proper insurrection, but I don't know if you do. I feel as if it has more to do with the theatrical effect. So I'm pretty sure that any funny hat is going to get you the same insurrection, coup, protection as any other. So don't. Don't waste your time looking for a Viking hat with fur. Some people say it's a buffalo hat. Let's not get into that conversation. I'm just telling you that if you go to a coup or an insurrection that's been incited by Orange Man Bad, for example, that's just an example. If you come with the wrong headwear, good luck. Good luck with your coup. That's not going to go very far, is it? So, reviewing for those just joining, if you're going to stage a proper coup and really have any chance of gaining and holding power against a major military force, really the biggest, most powerful fighting force that the universe has ever seen, you need a handful of these plastic ties. Not everyone, just one. One guy just bring a handful. And you need at least one person with an imaginative hat, because when somebody's trying to find the leader, you know, if you have these. These Big, you know, coup, insurrection type situations. There's a lot of chaos. You'd expect that. You know, there's a lot of fog of war and chaos. And so who, how are you going to know who to follow? Do you just listen? I hear somebody shouting coup instructions, but would you even know that that was the leader? I mean, it could be a false flag, it could be somebody else just yelling things, and then you start doing it and then your coup is all disorganized. So that's not going to work. What you need is for ideally the leader to come with the appropriate headwear. Because then you're looking around, you're like, who's in charge? Who's in charge? You see somebody with a Viking hat, or possibly could be a bison inspired hat, but we don't want to get into that controversy today. But either one, you immediately say, ah, there's the leader, and that's somebody who could take over some property and hold it. Now, the other thing is, you're thinking, how are we going to destroy all these tanks and guns and nuclear weapons and aircraft? Probably the Navy too. We'd have to destroy that too, to really hold the country. Because a lot of the American military, well, they're feisty, they've got this reputation to uphold. They're all macho. And if you try to beat them in a military conflict, and let's just say they come at you hard, but you're just kicking their asses with these plastic ties and they're taking heavy losses, do you think they're going to give up? No. The American military, they're plucky. You could be kicking their asses with these plastic ties and your funny hats, and all they would have is their nuclear weapons and stuff like that, which would be largely useless against this kind of a weapon. But they don't give up, right? The military, these are trained fighters. It's the best of the best. We only recruit. I mean, it's a voluntary army, so we can be picky. We only get the best. They're not going to run from the fight, so you're going to have to finish them off. And that's going to take a while, right? Because there are a lot of them and they're going to keep fighting and all that. So make sure that you come with the right attitude. If you're going to start the coup or the insurrection, make sure you finish it. Now, here's a way that you can get on top of the biggest military in the world. You take over an empty room in the Capital. And you hold that room for 45 minutes. There you go. There's a couple. Because a lot of citizens, I think in the latest Rasmussen polls, 68.3% of all citizens said they would take orders from anyone who could hold a room in the Capitol for up to 45 minutes. A lot of people would say, well, I used to be an American. I like the old system with voting and stuff like that. But now that I see this buffalo hat guy, or it could have been a Viking hat, again, we don't want to get into that. Once I see him giving orders from that otherwise empty room in the Capitol building, I realized that my loyalty had been in the wrong place the whole time. So that's, I mean, that's how it could happen. They could get the loyalty of the public simply by taking over an empty room in the Capitol building. They could conquer the military of the United States, who would be good fighters? I mean, nothing against our military, our military is pretty tough, but they'd be coming up against this, I think you would understand if they lost a fight against this kind of power. So that's what you need to be prepared for your next insurrection or couple. And the other thing that this is maybe the most important thing, I hope you stayed for this. You don't want to just decide to go on a coup. That would be like a suicide mission. You don't want that. No, you want to be incited. Because if you're getting incited, other people are getting incited and then you get excited and then you go do your, your coup. But you don't want to do any kind of a coup unless somebody who isn't you incites you because you probably thought you had free will. That's an illusion. You don't. You are simply something getting incited by other people. So in a way, you're not even responsible for your own actions because you got incited. And you know, what can you do? When I get it, when I feel I'm getting incited to do something, I just stop thinking because what am I going to add to that? Nothing. Right? I got my facts and my logic and my self preservation, but those are not important compared to being incited by somebody else's opinion that you should go do something that might be good for the person who incited it but is going to land you in jail. So when I'm presented with that situation, hey, wait, you mean I could do something for you and you would be perfectly safe, but I might go to jail while I'm doing something for you. I like that. I like that. And so, you know, you could understand, somebody under that condition would say, yeah, yeah, I wasn't going to try to overthrow the government of the United States, but now that I've been incited, what am I going to do? What am I going to do? I better start attacking right now. So this was just a little bit of lesson to get you going. A lot of people don't know how to throw a proper insurrection, and if you don't get it right, you would never have a change of government as we're experiencing now. Now, you know that, right? Oh, wow. I'm seeing in the comments a lot of people think that the. The insurrection failed. Are you kidding? No, the insurrection succeeded. Yeah, no, the insurrection succeeded because if we had. If had it failed, you would have seen an efficient Biden government coming in, doing things to bring the country together, and you'd have unity and stuff like that. You don't see anything like that. So I assume the coup succeeded. I mean, why wouldn't it? They had plastic ties and hats. So that, plus selfies is all you need for a proper coup. And that is your lesson for today.