College Admission - Overwhelmed or frustrated?

We're good to go. So super excited to have you here today. Today's actually a little unique. We're going to go with a master class interview format. My name is Shellee Howard, and I'm the founder and owner of College Ready, where we help students get into college and graduate debt-free. I have a pleasure and opportunity to share with you Megan Toole, who's on the line, and she will be introduced in a little bit after I dig into a few things college, because I always want to give you every opportunity to be moving forward and helping your students be successful, especially in this time of craziness and online school. So thank you so much for joining. And I'm going to go ahead and dig right in. A lot of you may be joining just because of the overwhelm and the frustration. And I want you to know you're not alone. That may not make you feel any better, but I can honestly tell you there's not a day that I'm not on a phone call with a parent or student who is completely overwhelmed and stressed out. And I'm trying to be their, their cheerleader, their support, and helping them understand what, what can they do. They feel so helpless. And they feel so frustrated. And so today I really want to share how you can do something about that. So the first thing I want to talk about is everybody struggles with, how do I know what type of major I want to be? How do I know what type of career I want? More importantly, how do I know what I'm passionate about? I'll share a quick story with you because I think this summarizes for some people how they truly feel. So I, every time I meet with students, I have some fun. We don't settle with personality tests. Those are nice and they're good background. But what we'd like to do is we'd like to have conversations, and teenagers are the best at this because they start out very guarded usually, and then by the end of the conversation, they are smiling and we're having a great time. So the first thing that I will do is I will ask them, if I gave you $1 million cash, and you had to spend it in 24 hours, what would you do with it? Some of them like get shell-shocked and freaked out by it. Some of them get excited and just ramble on. But my favorite one is the one where the young man said, Siri, what am I passionate about and how would I use a million dollars? And that kind of sums up what this whole online school is about. It's the unknown. It's something that is uncharted territories. Yes, most of them got to try it a little bit last year. I don't know if it was done as well as it is being done now in many cases. I do have some students that are going in person and they are social distancing. And so they're in a whole nother thing with masks and disinfecting and checking their temperatures. It's still a very uncommon situation. So when you come back to simplify, and I'm hoping Megan's going to give us some just wisdom that we can run with, but I want you to have these conversations with your student. Over dinner tonight, ask them a couple of things. Can they list 10 things they're passionate about? And at first they go, oh yeah, no problem. Shopping, the beach, hanging out with friends, and then they get to number 4, number 5, and they are like, um, I don't know. I would like to encourage them, if they don't know, have them put a journal by their bedside, and so when they are either going to bed or waking up, they can jot down things that are passions. The other thing is I tell them, if I gave you all the money, all the time in the world, so you had the— you could not say no, it couldn't happen, what would you do when you woke up? Those things are passions. Those things you look forward to do, and they're not tied to any nos. So I want to help you to put your student in that mindset as we go into this new normal and help them to think about what is good about it, what is positive, what they can get out of it, and then how does that transfer. So what we do at College Ready is we do what's called a passion project. And it's one of my favorite things to do. Because when you serve others with your passion, you learn, are you a leader or a follower? Are you into finance? Or social media. And if you're living in your genius, it's fun to do, and it's easy to rally their friends and family. So I would encourage you to help them establish a passion project. If you or they say, well, what can we do? We're social distancing. There's nothing that can be done during COVID Let me tell you, our students are doing amazing things. Our COVID-19 passion project is global at this point. They're helping the frontline workers across the globe while social distancing. Some are designing masks, some are designing shields, some have created masks with plastic for those who need to read lips. We're getting published in newspapers and magazines. Our journalists are writing articles, our artists are creating artwork, selling it, and using that money to buy supplies for frontline workers. So when they say no, or I can't, or it's impossible, and they, they go to defeat, I want to challenge you with love and support in your eyes to simply say, let's just talk about what we can do. And those are the things I encourage you to focus on during this time of trial. So from that passion project, students like to learn if they are a quiet leader, they may be better suited for a job behind a computer at a desk in a lab. They may be an outgoing leader. They may be a, an attorney. They may be, you know, a frontline lobbyist. But they find these things out while they're doing something really great for our community. So when you think about, how do I help my student when they can't even go on a college campus? Turn that around and say, let's go out and drive the college campus. Let's go into the environment. Let's talk about what it is that we can do and turn that frown upside down. And then that will— transmit into that student feeling like they too can do that. So that is where we're headed, and I will tell you, it is 100% successful. If I have a student who doesn't know what they want to major in and they don't know what kind of career they want, I simply ask them two things: what are you passionate about and what are you good at? And I believe Megan's going to talk a little bit about that. So without further ado, I want to introduce Megan Tolle. She specializes in mindset. She is going to talk about prosperity, talk about how you can instead of how you can't. So Megan, welcome and please share with our audience. We would love to hear your advice.

Oh, thank you so much for having me, Shellee Howard. It is an honor to be here. So just based on some of the things that you are sharing, I'd love to expand. You know, you're talking about passion, and a lot of times people don't often realize what their passion is. And then that happens even to those of us who are a little bit older, especially women who are, you know, just going on with their lives, giving, giving, giving, doing for everybody else, and their passion lies dormant within them. But some easy questions that you can ask yourself to really either reignite your passion or kind of reveal your passion, for those of you who are not really, really clear what that is for you, is I have 3 simple questions you can ask yourself. So the first one is, what fires me up? What gets me super excited? So that is a great question to start with. So see what shows up for you when you ask yourself that question. The second question is, what do I do that I can't help but do? So it just comes naturally. It's automatic. I'm going to share mine with you. Um, so I love to help people build a business around their passion and I can't help, but if we're having a conversation, just me and a friend or even a potential client, if they're talking about something that they're excited about, which is ironic, right, with the topic today. I can't help but start thinking about how they can turn that passion into a business, into a profitable business. So that's kind of my gift, my, my blessing, that it's just something that I automatically do without even trying. And then the third question is, what do people tell you that you're really good at? Because sometimes you're so close to you know, your gift or, you know, something. I really believe that our passion is connected to our gifts, and you can use those interchangeably. So when we're super close to, you know, a gift or a talent or a skill that we have, and it just comes naturally and automatically, we don't think that it's anything special. And so sometimes it takes someone outside to be like, oh, you know what, you're really good at this. Maybe you should explore that more. So those are the 3 questions. I'm going to go through them really quickly again. What motivates you, drives you, fires you up, gets you excited? That's the first question. The second one is, what do you do that you can't help but do? The third one is, what do people tell you you're really good at? And chances are the answer to all 3 of those questions should be something similar. And that'll help you start getting clear on your passion. And as Shellee said, if you're able to really connect with that passion, it's so cool to be able to see when people are really living in their passion, that ultimately leads to their purpose. And when you're living your passion, you can be the most fulfilled, but also make the biggest impact on this planet. So it's pretty awesome.

That is so helpful. And I deal with teenagers all day long, and they're real quick to tell me, no, I can't. I don't have the money. I don't, you know, I don't have the stuff. And sometimes adults, they feel they don't have the time. Right? So that is one thing that I hear friends often say, I'm so busy doing, I don't have the time to do that. So can you speak about what holds people back?

Yes. 100%. And this is showing up more and more, you know, with the crisis going on in our country and the world, really, and just all of these things that seem heavy around us, and it just seems to be another excuse why we keep ourselves stuck, right? But the reality is we get to choose our path and our reality, and whatever you choose to focus on expands. So, if we are focusing on, you know, anything negative in our world, COVID or I don't have enough time, or I don't know where to begin, or whatever it is that you seem to be having as a roadblock right now or a challenge in your life. If you focus on that, you are going to remain stuck. So the thing is, you know, we have, you know, these limiting beliefs that, you know, will come in and either sabotage our success, keep us stuck, definitely prevent us from reaching our true potential. And it's really up to us to manage our belief system, which lead to our thoughts, then which lead to our actions, which lead to results. So if we are operating from this negative state of being, I like to call it, we're very contracted and we're almost like paralyzed and stuck. We're not gonna be productive at all. So the thing is, is to recognize these negative— really, it starts with the thoughts, and recognize those thoughts that you're having. So wherever you're feeling stuck, wherever maybe you're feeling frustrated, you know, start thinking about that current situation. And I'd love to share a quick little exercise, Shellee, that I think would be helpful. It's a great tool that you can use in the moment. And you can use it multiple times a day if you would like. Is that okay?

Absolutely. I love when we have things we can go and do straight away. So please.

Yes. Okay. So this is called my Allowing Process. And so when you are in that contracted state, what's actually happening in the mind is you are contracted and you're not able to tap into your creativity. You're not able to tap into your problem-solving skills. You are completely unattractive to anything that you want in your world. So you'll be unattractive to opportunities, money. You know, those of you who have businesses, parents who have businesses, clients would be repelled from you at this particular state of being. So, okay, so I'm going to take you through a process which will help you move from contraction to expansion. Expansion, which is a huge shift and will allow you to start being productive again. So, the, the first thing you want to do is to focus in on that situation where you're feeling stuck, and then, and you can close your eyes and kind of get relaxed here for a moment, and just what you want to do is start breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth, and just to kind of get really connected and relax. And then what you want to do is just focus on the feelings that are showing up for you when you think about your current situation. Now, these feelings are probably, you know, fear, scarcity, lack. It could be frustration, anger, any of those feelings. So I want you to first recognize those feelings and continue to breathe. And then I want you to start welcoming those feelings into your being and focusing on those feelings as you continue to breathe. Nice deep cleansing breaths through the diaphragm. And as you start welcoming those, those feelings, then I want you to get to a place where you can accept that those feelings exist. And what's happening here is when you focus a lot of attention on that, it kind of dissipates its power and it can get lighter and lighter. And when it gets— and you'll have to do this, you know, until it becomes light enough where you can make a conscious decision to let those feelings go because you realize that they are no longer serving you. So now, once you are able to let it go and your mind might be like, no, I am not letting it go. I am so angry or mad or frustrated. Grrr. But just kind of reason with your mind for a moment and say, you know what? Just for a moment, can I let it go? So, let it go when you are ready, and then what I want you to do is start focusing on what you do want. What is the ideal situation? What is the ideal outcome that you'd like to create? So if you're feeling like you don't have enough time, then here you're focusing on, wow, I have an abundance of time. I have more time than I can possibly imagine, right? So that is what you want to start focusing on. And so that's your new thought process. And then start thinking about what are the feelings that I feel in my new reality. So you are kind of visualizing yourself already there in your mind's eye. And now I want you to breathe into those new thoughts and feelings. So maybe it is freedom, maybe it is peace, maybe it is abundance. So start breathing into those new feelings and accepting those new feelings. Welcoming those new feelings. Okay? So then, you know, as you start focusing on that, you will start to see a shift in your energy. And then what happens is you start moving into an expansive state of being. And now you're able to tap into your creativity again and your problem-solving skills. And you are going to be incredibly attractive to everything that you need to meet your goals. You'll be attracted to opportunities to support you in your, your goals, and you will be incredibly attractive to people that want to hang around with you because you're no longer Negative Nelly, right? So this is something that we can do day to day because, again, we have the power of what we're actually putting in our minds and what we're focusing on. And, you know, when we start making a habit of that, it can actually become part of our subconscious mind where then it's almost automatic and we just do the things we need to do to reach our goals. We make the decisions that we need to make. We make the— or take the actions that we need to make that are in alignment with our goals. But it's something that we actively have to be aware of and work on on a daily basis. But it's pretty exciting that, you know, nobody can dictate your future except for you because you have the power to control your thoughts. And those are so powerful because ultimately they will dictate your results in your life.

So as you were doing that, I was trying to put myself in my students' position. So I had a rising senior call me today, very, very distraught, and they were feeling frustrated that it's not fair. They were living in a world of this is not fair. Is it possible for a student to use the same technique to get an A? Can they, can they put themselves in that law of attraction for good grades?

Yeah, well, okay, so look at it this way. So if they believe that it's possible and they can see themselves getting that A, that's actually the first place to start. Because if they keep telling themselves, I'm not an A student, I'm not going to get there, then they'll probably not get there. But if they can imagine themselves as an A student and getting that A, 100%, because when they can step into that place of possibility and kind of see themselves in, in that light, or perceive themselves in that way, and kind of step into that identity of being an A student, then what happens is then their world starts shifting to be in alignment with that, and they're going to start making decisions in alignment with making those A's. Taking actions that are in alignment with making those A's. And that's just kind of how it works. And then also too, the universe steps in and, and helps you along the way too. And so, I mean, there's all kind of cool things that could happen with that. I mean, you get lined up with the right teacher or whatever it is, but you have to take that action first. You have to see that it's possible and see yourself as that A student before it can even happen.

So the other day you and I had a nice conversation and it stuck with me, I think a week or two maybe. Can you share about, remember when you talked to me how when you are thinking about buying, say, a Porsche or Jeep, and you use this cool technical thing? Well, I've been having my eye on a car. I won't say what car it is. But I see them everywhere now. Can you talk a little bit about that?

Yeah, what you're talking about, and it's very much in alignment what we are talking about here. So, when you have, you know, a plan and a vision and you believe that it is possible and you are taking action and working towards that, there is a part of our brain that kind of steps in called the reticular activating system, and that becomes kind of like a filter that will filter in everything that is relevant to your way of thinking and your focus, right? Your belief system. And your goals. So it'll filter in everything around you that is relevant to that, and then it will filter out everything that is not in alignment with that. So what you're talking about, the story that I shared, an example. So if you've ever thought about, you know what, I want to buy a new car, and maybe it's a Jeep, and so you have that in your mind, and that's a goal that you want, you know, for yourself, and then you get out and you go on the road and all of a sudden you see all these Jeeps. I'm sure that's happened to you. Obviously it has happened to me and Shellee, not necessarily with a Jeep, but you know, it's just like that, those things that we think about, all of a sudden, like we're seeing it everywhere. And it's not by accident because what we focus on is what we attract. So think about, you know, if for example, you know, people who are in the workforce right now, let's say in the sales industry, they can tell themselves, you know, nobody is going to invest in my product or service right now because COVID's going on, nobody knows what the future holds, and all this stuff. And so they can— that can be their belief. And guess what? If that's what they believe, it's going to be their truth, because now their reticular activating system is going to filter out everything that actually, um, would potentially make them money or bring them new clients, and it's going to attract all the examples of why people are not investing money right now or spending money. And so in your mind, you're like, see, I knew it. Like, nobody's spending money right now, and there's proof right there. Well, if you chose to focus on the fact that, you know what, regardless of the crisis, regardless of the situation, people still need what I have to offer. In fact, they need it even more now than ever. And if that is your truth and that's what you believe, guess what? You are going to start attracting those people that are in that same mindset and have that same belief and are in alignment with your belief that, you know what, it doesn't matter. People are going to still buy products and services even though there's tough times. So it's so interesting how that works, but it's, It's so true and so powerful. We just have to be aware of it and conscious and actually then use these tools to, you know, stay on the right path. And then the more we do it, the more we stay on that path, then it becomes like second nature. And it's just automatically we're making those right decisions and taking those right actions. But, you know, operating from that positive state of being. Which will allow us to reach any goal we set for ourselves.

Absolutely. So because you are in a world, you work with busy working people and a lot of moms, you're a busy working mom, I'm a busy working mom. Can you speak to how to balance or how to thrive, not just survive in our new world of at-home schooling online but still working and how that all can come together?

Absolutely. In fact, I just had this conversation with one of my clients yesterday. So, you know, the first thing is, you know, to check in with your mindset. I think always starting the day off, you know, by first being in gratitude and recognizing all of the things that you're grateful for. All the blessings in your life, that is a great place to start your day. And then from that peaceful state of mind, you can start thinking about what do you want your day to look like and being very intentional and on purpose with your day. So always start that way. You know, a workout, a healthy breakfast definitely would help. And a lot of times like, oh, I don't have time for any of that stuff. Trust me, if you do that, you're going to have more time throughout the day because you're going to have more energy. You're going to have more clarity and focus. So it is really key to take at least, you know, 15 minutes, you know, for setting your intentions. And if you want to do a meditation and then maybe at least a, you know, 30-minute workout will really, really be a great way to start your day. But then to me, it's all about really being clear on what your priorities are. And, you know, that not even just with your workday, but like, what are your priorities just in life in general. And so right now, you know, many of us are having to have our children at home working online for school or operating school online. And so, you know, there's, there's that new responsibility as the parent to oversee that. And, you know, we have our own things that we have to do, whether you are working a job or have a business, you know, typically we're in our offices at home working, right? So We're juggling all of these things, but the most important thing is to be really clear on what your priorities are and then make sure you're slotting time for everything on your calendar. And if you're really conscious about, you know, what are the things that have to get done and how much time is it going to take to get it done and putting it on the calendar, it's amazing how much time actually does show up in your world. It's like, you know what, there's actually plenty of time. But it's when we are living this space of there's not enough time, oh my gosh, I have so much to do, and we're spinning in this chaos, then all of a sudden, again, you know, the universe hears that, oh, there's not enough time, so I'm gonna, you know, deliver everything in this person's world that proves that there's not enough time, right? And just create more chaos. So yeah, so the same thing here, whatever you choose to focus on, you know, will, will expand. So if you're consciously throughout the day believing you have plenty of time to get things done, believing that you're going to get them done in a very efficient, effective way, and you're going to be super productive and successful and reach your daily goal, then 100% you can do that regardless of what's going on around us.

So well put. So I talked to my students a lot about this because They're just learning. And a lot of them have never been taught the skills. No, there's no class at school that's how to stay organized and productive. Yeah. So I always tell them, start the day with 3 things that you want to do and 3 things that you need to do and put them on your calendar in a time slot. Because that way, every time you pull up your calendar, you're looking at Oh yeah, I wanted to do that. And some of it's what you want to do and some of it's what you need to do. Yeah. And I always tell them, do the hard thing first for 5 minutes and then it doesn't feel so hard because now you're making progress. And all of a sudden they're telling me, I'm getting more done, I'm being more productive, I'm not procrastinating, and they're shocking themselves. And so I would say adult or student, right, at any age, that's a gift that we can give them. So, um, I wanted to, um, give you an opportunity to share about what it is that you can offer these families that may be able to help them move forward.

Yeah, I would love to. So, um, I have a tool, um, that I think would be really helpful, um, based on what we were talking about today. And, um, I wrote a book called The Passion Belief Method. 5 Steps to Your Empowered Self. And so this book actually helps you to be able to live a joyful life and prosperous life and abundant life in all areas. And so one of the things that you'll find in the book is the opportunity to take an online quiz, which is called my Passionate Belief Method Assessment Quiz. Quiz so you can determine what your Passion Belief factor is, where you stand when it comes to your self-worth, your value, your relationship with money, and the level of passion in your life or career. And so when you take this quiz, you will learn if you are a self-saboteur, which is way down here, you don't want to be here, or a striver, or a passionista. And so we all want to be passionistas, where we're living our passion and our purpose. And so when you take the quiz, no matter where you fall, you're going to get some constructive guidelines in terms of how you can improve and get closer to that passionista status. So it's a really helpful tool. You'll learn a lot about yourself and kind of where you stand and be able to then grow from there and get to where you want to be. So I think you're going to be providing the link, or you can go to pbmassessment.com, but you do have to put in an access code, which is PBMROCKS, like Passion Belief Method, PBMROCKS, and then you can access the quiz.

That is such a great gift. I mean, I know so many adults who still are trying to figure it out. I tell them the gift that we're giving our students by helping them find their passion early is going to give them such a jump on happiness in their future. So thank you for sharing that gift and thank you for sharing your time. I am so grateful and hopefully, you know, if anybody has questions they can reach directly to you or through me. I'm going to be offering anybody who's listening I have 100+ passion projects from home, COVID safe. So if you want that list and your students are saying there's nothing to do, I would like you to share the list with them in an effort to maybe open up that conversation that we are doing some great things. So thank you, Megan. We're so grateful for your time. And thank you, viewers. We hope you had a great experience and We're happy to share more if you need us.

Thank you, everyone.

All right, bye for now.

Bye-bye.