Masterclass: How to Motivate Your Child to Prepare for College

Okay, so Jeannie and I, we had an awesome podcast together. I mean, it was just like two parents sitting on the side of a soccer field, right? And what we found is there's a lot of this stuff that would be really helpful for a lot of families. So it is my pleasure to let Jeanine kick off our, our meeting this evening. And, you know, Jeanine, can you go ahead and introduce yourself? That would be fantastic.

Yeah, yeah, thanks, Shellee. Thanks for having me here. Um, I'm Jeanine Mushwar, and I'm a parenting coach for moms and dads of preteens all the way through young adults. Um, so that's a little bit about me. Do you want to just kind of jump in and Jump right in. All right, amazing. I'm gonna share my screen with all of you if you wanna follow along. Um, let me get the tech working.

There you go. You're up.

Can you see it?

Yes, ma'am.

All right, amazing. Um, okay, so I was gonna share a little bit today about how to be your teenager's go-to person, because I think we all want that connection and that closeness with our kids. Um, and I think that could be really helpful to know how to be connecting with them and opening up communication while you're going through this college planning process, when I know, at least with my 3 kids, they tended to shut me down here and there. So I first just want to say congratulations. You've made it this far. Your child's planning to go to college. Well done. I know this parenting thing is not easy and it can be so overwhelming and stressful at times. So what we're gonna do tonight is Shellee, I believe, is gonna help you more with the nuts and bolts of college planning. But what I wanted to talk to you about is your connection to your child. Prioritizing having a critical bond with your child now so that when they go off to college, they call you with their wins and when things aren't going well too, right? So they're not just calling you for money, but they're calling you as a trusted advisor. I want you to be like the number one thing in their emergency kit. So let's dive in and get you some strategies so you can be that go-to person. All right, so what I'm gonna touch on today is I'll talk really briefly, briefly a little bit about me, and then we'll talk about what we all want as parents, that closeness, that connection, that critical bond, and then the 3 reasons why we might not have it. And 3 steps you can do today to create that connection and closeness that you're looking for. And then we're gonna toss it over to Shellee Howard, and I know we're gonna save time for some questions at the end as well. All right, so a little bit about me. I have 3 kids with different challenges that I felt like I didn't have effective parenting strategies for. So my daughter was really stressed and overwhelmed, put, you know, my A+ student put all this pressure on herself. One of my sons was consumed with video games and YouTube Shorts, and I kept thinking, you're so lazy, and I couldn't figure out how to motivate him. And my other one, well, his grades weren't where I knew they could be. And when we hit the high school years, he started blaming other people, not taking responsibility, got in with a bad group of kids, started smoking, smoking. All that to say, it felt like whatever I was doing wasn't effectively motivating them or like helping them feel better. And it seemed like they were getting more secretive and pulling away from me right when they needed my help the most. So I did a deep dive in cognitive behavioral therapy and conscious parenting, and I got my life coach certification. And now I help moms and dads just like you be their kids' go-to person. All right, so I love this picture. It just warms my heart when those were the days when you could just kiss your kid, right? Nate just tolerated it, and he had those big yummy cheeks, and I'd kiss him. It's like how it used to be. I used to be, when they were little, their go-to person. I like knew what to say and to do to help them be, right, the best version of themselves. And just, we felt so close and connected at that time. And I think so many of us are confused, like, why don't we have that anymore? Why isn't it the way it used to be? And so I wanted to touch on real quickly, why doesn't our approach work? Why what we've done so, so many years that seemed to work, why does it feel like it's not working now? The short answer to this is we're using a parenting approach based on like fixing or stopping or changing their behavior or something that they're doing. So I want you to think for a minute about maybe the last conversation you had with your child and tell me, like, is this what they're going, you know, is this what's going on for you, right? Maybe they're lazy, or they're not eating healthy, or they're not sleeping, and we try to fix it, right? Or maybe they're smoking or not studying or being sneaky, and we try to stop it, right? And if you're like me, you're frustrated because it feels like this isn't working. So why isn't it working? Well, there's 3 main reasons. Think about something that you're concerned about right now or that's bothering you, right? Maybe you're concerned that they're missing assignments in a class, or they're not studying, or their grades are dropping, or they're smoking, or they're disrespectful, or they're lying. Whatever it is, think of something in your mind of what you're concerned about. I'm going to use the example of missing assignments. And tell me, like, if this sounds like what happens in your home. So I open up my laptop, I log on, I get on the school portal, and I see my son's missing assignments. And at first, I'm like, really disappointed. Why isn't he doing his work? Why isn't he taking responsibility? And then maybe a few seconds later, I start worrying. Right? I start thinking about, oh God, how's he ever gonna dig himself out of this hole with all these missing assignments? And how's this gonna impact his grade in the class and his GPA and applying to college? Right? Our mommy worry brain goes nuts. And then maybe we also get angry. Like we keep having the same conversation over and over about studying and turning in homework, and we're just exhausted from it. So when we're feeling disappointed or worried or angry. Naturally, we try to stop or change or fix what they're doing. So tell me if this, or think about this, sounds familiar. Most of us start telling them what they should do or they need to do, or we give our advice, right? Hey, you know, when you come home from school, you should really do your homework before you hop on video games. Right? Or, you know, you really need to call a friend or go in early to school and get clarification on those math problems, right? Or we offer some sort of advice. This is how most of us operate when we're talking to our kids. But what happens when we tell them what they should do or need to do or offer our advice? Most of them shut the conversation down. Right? What do I mean by that? For most of us, it turns into an argument, right? They start saying, you don't get it. You don't understand. Maybe, you know, I don't care anyway. Like, stop, stop making a big deal out of it. And a whole argument or an explosion or battle ensues. Or maybe you have a little more agreeable child who maybe pays lip service to you just to like, shut you up. It's like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm definitely gonna get those assignments done right away. Don't worry about it. Right? Or you've got another child. I had one of each who's more of an introvert and retreated to his room and would be like, get outta my room. Leave me alone. You know, it's not your problem. I've got it. And when our kids respond this way and shut the conversation down, usually what happens for me and for most of my clients, like we're left feeling more disappointed, more worried, more angry. And they're not listening, right, we tighten the reins. And then the rules come in and the discipline and the consequences and the punishments because we're just trying to help them like stay on the right path. Now, what we're doing, it makes sense because we want what's best for our kids. And we were never taught a different approach. We think this is what a good parent does. Plus, let's be honest, like, remember we talked about the previous slide when I was squeezing Nate's cheeks? Like, this worked when they were young because they were agreeable. And when they were young, this is what they needed. They needed us to tell them what they should do or they need to do. They need our— they needed our wisdom. They needed our advice. So I think most of us are really left frustrated and confused and exhausted because we don't understand why what we used to do doesn't work effectively anymore. Now, I get it. We've got a ton of wisdom to share, and I am all about sharing it, but we're having the wrong conversation to motivate them. We're so busy trying to get them to do what we want, what we think is best for them, that we're missing what they actually need to be motivated and make good choices. So when you wanna motivate them and you wanna be their go-to person, I want you to focus on connecting with them before you jump to stopping, fixing, or changing their behavior. Right? You gotta slow yourself down and focus on that connection before you try to motivate them to fix or stop or change what they're doing. Right? So remember when we talked about when they were young and agreeable and listened to what we said? That's because that connection was there. They depended on us. We didn't even have to work at it. So although we can't actually make them study for a test or write their college essays, right, when you want them to share what's going on inside of them, what's really happening, and motivate them to make better choices, I want you to start with these 3 steps. First, You gotta get them talking and opening up and sharing. And this starts, you guys, taking a deep breath, slowing yourself down, and settling your big feelings, right? You gotta take the time to take a few breaths, quiet your fears and worries, go for a walk outside, get yourself feeling grounded and calm and balanced before you start a conversation with them. Right? Because I, I don't want you reacting emotionally to whatever they're doing that's freaking you out.

Right?

And because when we do that, they anticipate our disappointment in them, or they anticipate we're going to punish them or give them a consequence. And that shuts the conversation down instead of opening it up. And encouraging them and inviting them in to talk and share with what's really going on. Okay, now be honest here for a minute. The last time you talked with your teenager, was it a conversation or was it a lecture? Because I think most of us think we're having a conversation, but we're really lecturing. Let me give you an example. All right, imagine you're on a hike with a friend and you share with them that your son's grades are plummeting and you share with them that you're worried and you're sad and you're frustrated and you're upset and you're just not sure what to do. And your friend says to you, well, You need to punish him, right? As soon as he comes home from school, you should take his phone away and don't let him go out with his friends until he turns his grades around. How did that feel being on the receiving end of that? Do you feel like sharing more with that friend who told you what you needed to do and should do and offered your advice? Or I don't know if you're like me, I would just shut down and stop talking because it felt like she didn't really understand me or hear me. She's not really thinking about what's going on for me. It felt like a lecture versus your friend who says, oh, Janine, of course you're worried, right? You're wondering like what the impact of all these missing assignments and his grades plumbing are gonna be on the rest of the semester. How are you thinking of handling this? Now ask yourself, how did that feel? Right? Because that friend was encouraging conversation with compassion and with curiosity. So I want you to ask yourself the tough question. Who are you showing up as when you talk to your child? Because when you want them to open up and share with you what's going on and motivate them, and you gotta get them talking, right? You want to be having a conversation and not a lecture. And then notice if, you know, notice if you're coming at them like guns blazing. You're failing pre-calc. What are you thinking? No more video games until your homework is done. No, that's going to get you into trouble, right? You got to quiet your mind, quiet your judgment, your sarcasm. That I was huge on that, your criticism, right? And try to just stick with the facts. Try to open up the conversation with something like, hey, I noticed you have 3 missing assignments. What's going on? Right? That helps to get them talking. So the aha here is that the more you try to control them, the less they want to change. So when you want to have an impact, which I know you guys all do, start here. All right, and then next, we want to show them we understand. Like, if your kids are like my kids, they like straight up tell you You don't understand. So let's slow down for a minute and take them seriously. How do we do this? Well, we get curious. We start having like a sense of wonder. We start wondering like, what's going on? Because humans are more talkative when we come at them with curiosity and a sense of wonder versus a criticism, criticism, just like the example on the hike with your girlfriend. And then when you get them to start opening up, it's time to— I'm sure you've heard this buzzword— actively listen. Really listen to what they're saying to you and quiet your mind about what you want to say back. Just really try to absorb what they're telling you. Because I've got news for you. The real problem is what's going on inside of them that's causing them to be lazy or to procrastinate or for their grades to be tanking or to smoke or to lie. Right? When we have a conversation about that behavior, we're having the wrong conversation. Instead, we want to listen for how they're feeling. That's the secret sauce, you guys. When we figure out what's going on inside of them, that's how we can motivate them to make better choices. And when you approach them telling them what to do, they think you're not on their side. So instead, I want you to think about, how can I be a team? How can I be on their side? Because when you tell them what they're doing wrong and that you're right, which is probably true but not helpful, you're creating this tug of war, right? There's a tug of war going on with a winner and a loser, and no one wants to lose, right? So instead, I want you to imagine, pick a football bench or a soccer bench, right? I want you to imagine you're sitting on this bench with your teenager on this side of the bench. And the problem, the missing assignments, the grades plummeting, the disrespect, the not doing your college essays is on that side of the bench. And how can you solve it together? Because my clients tell me when they start showing that they understand their kids' struggles and start helping the kids feel like you're gonna solve this thing together, I got you, the kids are motivated to make better choices. Which brings me to my third strategy I want you to keep in mind when you're talking to your kids. I want you to help them help themselves, right? You gotta stop trying to fix everything for them. They, they want to figure it out themselves. They're teenagers. They have this innate desire, right? So if their grades are tanking or they can't resist spending hours gaming, they want to decide what they're going to do differently. They don't want you to tell them, right? So ask them for their ideas. Believe that they're smart enough, that they're capable enough figure things out, that they're smart enough to come up with good solutions. Because we want them to build this problem-solving muscle. It's a life skill that they need. They need to learn how to look at a problem and come up with solutions, right? They're learning, they're growing. And remember, like, we see the problem through our 40, 50-year-old lens. So of course we know what the best solution is, but we want— we're raising kids here. We want to give them time to come up with their solutions. Let it be their idea to put their phone away when they walk in the door and get their homework done. Let it be their idea to go in early and ask the teacher for help or ask you for a tutor. When you encourage them to come up with how they want to solve the problem, they start trusting themselves and their judgment. And I have a secret for you. It's self-trust that creates confidence. And I know we all want confident kids. Now, I mentioned earlier, I know you have a ton of wisdom and I want you to be able to share it, but when you want to share it, let them lean in and ask you for help because they'll listen to you if you wait for them to ask and get their buy-in. Now, when you try these 3 steps, getting them talking, showing you understand, helping them to help themselves, this is what happens. The arguments like start subsiding. Everyone comes to me, all my clients are saying like, the number one thing. I feel like World War III is about to happen. I— please help me stop the arguments, right? And they start talking and opening up because they want your help. They want to make better choices. No one wants to make a bad choice, right? I mean, just this week, my client was telling me that her kids asked her for help getting off their devices. And can you imagine how good that would feel? I mean, amazing. I want this for all of you too, right? So if you're tired of the arguments and the punishments and the discipline and the consequences, and you want them to share what's really going on and motivate them to get those college essays done, get their apps done, study for their ACT tests, try this approach. You're gonna feel like a good parent who is calm and grounded, like a parent whose child opens up and shares with them. So you can feel that closeness and connection that we all want. Right? You gotta get them talking, show you understand, and help them to help themselves. So listen, the single most important thing I want you to walk away with today from what I'm sharing, at least— I'm sure Shellee Howard's gonna have tons of gold the nuggets herself. But the single most important thing that is overlooked in helping your kids succeed is you. Okay? When they go to college, I want you to be part of their emergency kit. Health insurance, credit card, Advil, and you. So work on your relationship now when they're home so that when they go to college, They call you to share that they did really well on an exam, or they met a new guy or girl, they got into the fraternity or sorority of their choice. And they also call you in the middle of the night when they're in trouble, or they're scared, or they're suffering, and you know how to help them effectively. So if you know in your bones, like I did, that rules and punishments just like aren't working right now and you're willing to try a new way, you guys can call me. I offer a free 60-minute consultation. Everyone tells me that whether they choose to hire me or not, they feel so much better. They feel so relieved just after the consult. And I love helping you feel hopeful and inspired to try something different. Okay, and if you're not ready for my private support, that's not a problem. I put a QR code up here if you want to scan it, and it's a freebie that has 50 different ideas of ways to connect with your teen. Because remember, we got to slow ourselves down and connect with them before we start trying to stop, fix, or change their behavior. All right, well, that's what I have for you. I'm going to toss it over to Shellee Howard. I'm so excited to hear what she's going to share. I'll stop sharing my screen and we're back.

Outstanding. Well, as a mother of 4, I wish I would have known you, um, and parents, I hope that you got some, some great, um, you know, just some resources. That's why I love having guests and partnering with strategic partners is because it takes a village to raise these teenagers nowadays. It's It's not an easy, uh, plan or process. So I put together just a few slides that will help you connect with them while planning for college, because now you're going to throw in a whole nother element of stress. Let's get real. Very few, only my firstborn, said that was easy. Um, most students are feeling very frustrated, overwhelmed, competitive. Not good enough. They're, they're feeling all of these insecurities. And then they're supposed to be this young adult who is ready to leave the nest. And so there's a lot of this conflict that goes on for them. I have the honor of speaking teenager. I truly adore teenagers. And I have had some of my, my most favorite times in life on calls with teenagers. They are so refreshing and so honest with me that it is mind-blowing. A complete stranger, and yet I find out so many juicy details. So let me go ahead and share with you how to connect, um, what you just heard to how to use it as you prepare for college, because that's ultimately coming your way, I'm guessing. So Let me share my screen and we will jump on in. Okay, so the first thing I want to help you understand is, as a teenager, I want you just to really maybe shut your eyes because it's hard to imagine. Were you super motivated? Two questions. Was your spouse super motivated? Because what I have found in working with teenagers for 17 years is every one of our children are different. They're going to take some of the good from this parent and some of the good from this parent, and the things that may make you crazy about them, maybe that finger comes right back at you. And that's what happened to me with my firstborn. So I, I learned a lot by the time I got to number 4. Way better parent. So now I can kind of look back on those times that maybe I was a little intense. For sure I was. And so I just wanted to start off by letting you know, as a mother of 4, I honestly have walked in probably a good portion of your shoes. Not all, but a good portion. So these two beauties right here, um, did— were kind enough to get their picture taken in their regalia with me. This is when my oldest became a doctor and when my second became a nurse. And so as a mother who is needle-phobic, quite a miracle, I have to say, because they chose professions I could never come and visit them. It's just an inside family joke, but and maybe a little truth to it. So we're going to dive in and I'm going to talk to you because these two young people, they choose to go on vacation with just me alone as adults. And that's what I think as a parent feels really, really good. It's a choice that they get to make. And I will tell you, their college plans were not easy. So step 1, the first thing that we need to find out is their why. Why do they want this for their future? Why do they want to go to college or potentially not go to college? Why do they think being an influencer would be the best way to spend their future? All of these whys are going to be roadblocks if we don't understand their why? For sure. We don't have to buy into it. You don't have to believe it. We just need to get to it, because as soon as we do, you'll find out most of them don't know their why. And that leads to overwhelm, which leads to frustration, especially in college planning. So what we do at College Ready— for those of you who don't know me, I am the CEO and founder of College Ready. I founded College Ready 17 years ago when my firstborn came home in 8th grade and said, Mom, I know exactly what I want to do when I go to college. And I'm like, great, please tell me. I changed my major 5 times, it was not great. And he says, Mom, I want to be a brain surgeon. I want to go to a top Ivy school. And he walks out, it was like mic drop. And I'm like, but, but, but And the reason why is because he heard me say what a challenging life it is to be an entrepreneur. So his why was, how do I get as far away from trying to be on my own everything and have a really good, impactful job? And he also took with him my why of I love to inspire and impact others. To live their best life. So be careful, those things you do say, they do land and they could turn into their future why. So once you figure out what is their why, now they need to figure out what is their why. Ask any child, middle school or high school, the, this question: Why do you get good grades? That's it. The hardest part is nada. And you wait. And if they shrug, they don't know. If they point at you, which mine did, it means because they know that that's what's expected of them. But why is that important? Because if they— if it's not part of their why, It's going to be a battle when they own it and they want it. It's you supporting their why. If you want it and they're fighting against it, it's going to be a battle. So look at it in how they see the world and it will help you communicate with them. So sorry, missed a slide. This is the slide I was supposed to say, ask them what their good grades were. All right, does your child know who they are and what matters to them? Do they know their purpose, right? As a teenager, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, even 18, did you know your why? Did you know your college major? Did you know the career you were going to be in? And we're asking these young people to tell us that right now. Colleges are forcing them to pick a major when back in the day, or most my kids say the caveman days, we were not asked to do any of that at such an early age. And so it's important to help them understand who they are and what they were put on this earth to do. That is so motivating. Number 3, make it fun and include their friends. How do you make college planning fun, right? That's— I'm sure all of you are going, yeah, that would be really lovely. All 4 of my kids had a blast. We went to tour colleges like we would a museum, like we would an amusement park. We ate the junky food. We saw the fun buildings. We saw the crazy protests. We really enjoyed what that felt like and looked like. It wasn't, "You're going to do this." It was like, "Wow, look at this opportunity ahead of you." And if they can bring a friend or family member to talk about it with, it even brings it more alive. I often tell families, share your G-rated versions of college, the ones that really stand out— how you made your lifelong friend, how you met your significant other. It's more than just going to classes because to them it sounds like 4 more years of high school. So make it fun. Remember, they're a teenager. How my daughter did this was quite amazing, and you all might be able to take something from her story. So for my second born, she was super passionate about fashion, but she had no idea what she wanted to do for a living. She just knew that she enjoyed shopping and, and clothes and designing and all of that. And so I said to her, why don't you do something with that for college? And you'll know if you wanna go into fashion, or that's just a something you enjoy as a hobby. So what she ended up doing is she created an organization that turned into a nonprofit called Dress of Hope. It started out with her wanting to learn how to sew. Do you see how we're having fun here? And then she's like, well, I don't wanna pay for the cost of fabric. I'm like, wow. First big, first big idea. I love it. I said, so what are you going to do? And she goes, well, can I take your pillowcase? And I'm like, well, maybe not my pillowcase, but I know where you can get some pillowcases. So we went down to the thrift store. What teenager doesn't love a good thrift store? And we bought a bunch of pillowcases and ribbons and all kinds of buttons. And she went on YouTube and taught herself how to sew. Then before I knew it, every Friday night she was inviting more and more friends over to come and sew and eat pizza and listen to music and, you know, on and on and on. The bottom line is she first found her passion. She then figured out, how do I use it to do something great? She ended up figuring out how to work with Doctors Without Borders to get her Pretty Little Pillowcase dresses sent all over the world for free with pictures for her website by just asking. And all these little girls all over the world in third world countries had their very first pretty little dress. That's how you make college fun. That's how you help them find their why, find their impact, find their passion. You can tie it into a sport or music, so on and so forth. But that's key because at school they have to do this, this, and that. And at home they have chores and then they have their phone, you know, that's important, and their computer. So now how are we going to get them away from all of that and really focused on something pretty impactful. Number 4, they need a map and a timeline. These teenagers have the shortest attention span of all attention spans because you just slide left or right or whatever you do and that you're on to the next thing. Well, the problem with that is, is if you can't keep them focused you're going to lose them. So most of the time when I start working with a family, students just— they're procrastinating. And when it comes down to why they're procrastinating is because they don't know what to do. And now they feel, hey, I'm this teenager, I don't want to be vulnerable and tell my mom or dad that I don't know what to do, so I'm just going to do nothing. And so as soon as I help them and guide them in help them grow into, what about this, right? As a mom, I would say that to my children, hey, what do you think about? And they're like, huh, that's a terrible idea. I would never want to do that. And then I would say, one of my clients, hey, what about this? And they're like, that is genius. I love that idea. And the parent's like, wait a minute, I just told you that idea last year. The point of it is, is they need somebody to— just like teaching them how to play Monopoly or the Game of Life— they need the rules, they need the map, they need the timeline. They have no idea how to do all of this. And so is it going to be you? If not, who? But just know it's not going to be their high school. This is something that is not taught anywhere, and that's why your children are very frustrated and don't want to talk about it because nobody's teaching them how to do this. And this is why I love what I do. Number 5, and this is a really important one, celebrating success. Big, small, it doesn't matter. I know when my kids were in middle school, that's when we really started planning for college. They didn't know it was planning for college. They just thought we were having fun. But when I started planning for college, we took this big shoebox and we decorated it with pictures and all kinds of stickers and stuff for each of my kids. And then as they had little successes, they would win a patch or a pin or got an A or whatever. We would fill this box and we would date it. And then at the beginning of their summer going into their senior year in high school, we would unpack it and we would celebrate it and we'd be high fives. And we had such a fun party just enjoying all of their success. Why? Right here. Oops. I get so excited. Sorry. Right here. Um, it's ideas for essays, for resumes, for interview questions. And now all of that's done and celebrated right before you go in to the most stressful time that you've had probably with them. So it's about the connecting, it's about the celebrating, it's about empowering them to help them figure out who they are and why they matter. And that is why I wanted to share this with you, because we have an organization— you may be thinking, oh, my kid's not going to do all that. And guess what? I've had 3 of my 4 were like that. So what did I do? I worked with one of my students who is a natural-born leader, who is insanely passionate about equal opportunity for education. And him and I put together a nonprofit for you and your families called EmpowerEducation.World. There is no cost to this. It is a place that is safe and fun. We meet once a week online, uh, and what we do is we help them find their passion, their gifts, their talents, their advocacy, they can spend time with me where I can help them to funnel that into the right direction. This is a student-led organization, so I really step back and I'm just the mentor unless somebody wants me to step in, and then I'm always happy to. Students like yours, we— they come together, and right now there's, I think, 47— Carrie could correct me— I think we have 47 students from all over the world. So there's no competition. There's no worries that somebody's gonna steal their idea. There's no feeling of, I can't collaborate. Instead, it's all these students who are doing things for the third world country in Uganda, Africa, Oaxaca, Mexico, Ecuador. I travel and take all of their passions. All over the world so they don't have to. I videotape and deliver it for them. There is seriously no reason why a student would not or should not join this because it's 1 hour a week. They can then earn 8 national awards, 4 leadership certifications, community service hours, and on and on and on for college. But again, we don't start and check a box. We do what's right and then help the student prepare for college. Oops, I am just really messing that up. Okay, why is that jumping? The goal is to get out of overwhelm and into simplified. I just released my second book last week, and it's called The College Admissions Plan Simplified. That's it. If you go to this link right here, you can get your copy on Amazon for 99 cents for one more week. Okay, that book has all of this great information in it, as well as the academic, the social, the financial, how to get in, how to pay for it, all of that stuff. But it does have this element of really communicating with your student. And, you know, there's nothing better when they want to come home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. That's a pretty cool thing once they leave for college. So the last thing I will share is if you would like me or Carrie to speak with you or your student and help bring this out in them, all you have to do is scan this code and it is a complimentary call with us. I'm going to now open it up to questions. And Carrie, any questions in the chat as of yet?

No, no questions.

Okay, awesome. We're ahead of schedule, so I'm going to keep sharing and I'm going to dive deeper into the college part now. Maybe some of you got on here thinking, okay, how do I do with the college part with still loving my child or my child loving me? So let me do that, and then I will come back one more time for questions, and we will have it all wrapped up. So let's do this. Perfect. I'm going to share my screen one more time. All right. Okay, here's another free resource for you. I built this whole website after COVID, because what was happening is parents thought that high school counselors were doing all of this work, and they found out when COVID hit this was not happening. And they were calling me really upset and frustrated, not with me, but with the system. So if you go to crfuturnow.com, You have this resource at your hands, your fingertips. So here's the problem: my teen has no plans for the future. That would be very frustrating, and it would be a concern for any parent, right? But the more you ask them, what do you want to do? They feel, I don't know. Now everybody's feeling kind of yucky. What we do is first we start to talk about who are they, what's important to them. We work on self-discovery. If they don't know themself, they'll never be able to figure out where they're supposed to fit into this future of theirs. Then we go into what matters to them. What are they going to advocate for? What do they care about? Then we want to know, how do others see them? You learn a lot about a teenager when you ask, how does your best friend see you? How do they see themselves? Most of them don't think they're very impressive, and it breaks my heart because I look at their resume and they are amazing. Then we start to map out based on We do 9 assessments that are based on high schoolers, so they're fun. They're more like gaming, if you will, but they're not. And at the end, we can show them several— we try to keep it only to 10 or 15 careers that would be the perfect fit for them, their gifts, their talents, and their advocacy. Then we can show them Is college a good idea? Is it a good return on your investment? Is it the type of career they are looking for, for their freedom and their future? And then we help them put it all together. Do they need a 4-year degree? Do they need a 2-year degree? Do they not need a degree? Do they want to go in to be an apprentice or a trade school? We then help them understand, do they want to do that trade forever, or do they want to own a business to teach others that trade because now they have to run a business, which means probably a good idea to go to college. Not the only place to learn, but it's a great place to grow and mature. The second problem that we were faced with is we don't know how to start. I get this one often. So where do you start? Well, let's talk about the when. When do you start? The best time is in middle school. We start working with students in 7th and 8th grade. For those of you who are beyond that, just know we work with students all the way 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th, and transferring colleges if that's the case. The second thing we have to figure out is the academic strategy. Then you're going to want to help them with their strength and career assessments. Their testing strategy, their leadership strategy, extracurricular strategy, recommender strategy, essay strategy, passion with purpose strategy, and financial strategy. Ask your child this question. I'm going to end on this, and then we're going to answer questions. Ask them this question: Well, there's 2 rules. I should give you the rules first. 2 rules when you do this. Number 1 rule, no rolling of the eyes and no, ah, that will deflate all of it. It's super hard to not say anything. Poker face, like, whoa. The second thing is all you're doing is writing it down. No reaction. Now, Ask your teenager, if I gave you $1 million cash, if they're not smiling, that's a problem because they have some big dreams. Let's go with $1 million for the ease of numbers. If I gave you $1 million cash, usually they're smiling, and you had 24 hours to spend it or you had to give it all back to me, what would you do? I've had students buy a yacht and then fly their friends around the world. And then buy, you know, the Vanderbilt home. Like, zero concept of financial literacy. Okay, they don't teach this part of life in school. Then I've had students who would say, well, first I would take my money and I would invest it into a home, and I would fix it up, and then I would flip it, and I'd buy 2 homes. And I'm like, okay, what do your parents do? Yes, that's exactly right. They do pay attention. Why is that important? Because if you ask your child what college do you— they want to go to, and they say UC Santa Barbara, and you ask why, and they say, have you not seen the view? You know you're in trouble. So with that, I'm going to open it up to questions. Carrie, any questions? No questions. Okay. Wow. Outstanding.

Yeah, Shellee, I just want to say that, that whole success box thing that you mentioned where you start that when they're in middle school, I wish I had done that with my 3 kids because I found one of the most challenging things was coming up with topics for all the essays and, you know, and, and like what, what they're passionate about and leadership roles and all of that. So I thought that was just So brilliant. And I love that. Something I talk a lot about with my clients is celebrating those wins, right? We, we tend to— so many of us just focus on the next thing that needs to get done and the next thing. And as humans, we thrive on that positive interaction, engagement. Like, and I was imagining like you're basically filling up their bucket, you know, not just with ideas for their college apps, but ways to really help them build their confidence and their self-identity, you know, that they are worthy, that they have talents, that they are smart enough. Um, so I just loved that when you shared that.

Oh, well, thank you. I feel very fortunate that I have a right brain because so many of my family is all left brain. So they think that I'm quite amusing. They didn't enjoy the putting in so much as they did taking out. It was like, oh, you have to go upstairs and get the box, you know, and put the thing in the box. So just know that it may not immediately be a huge success and receive, but I promise you just exactly what was said. It made applying to college so much easier. So if there's no other questions, um, Jeannie, is there anything else that you would like to share with the audience before we call it an evening?

I think just to take a moment and be proud of yourself for taking the time out to be here. I mean, I know everyone's so busy. It's the holiday season. And, you know, clearly you prioritize family and your children. Just by showing up and being here, and we really appreciate it and appreciate your time.

Outstanding. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season, and thank you so much. Bye-bye.

Thank you.