New Podcast with Matt Crevin: Developing Effective Communication Skills as a Teenager

Parents, is your teen college ready? Are you feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or excited about your teen applying to college? Do you know what colleges are looking for? And if your kid gets in, do you know what you'll pay for it? College admission has never been so competitive or expensive. Shellee Howard will take you on a journey to help you and your teen get college ready. Now here's your host, Shellee.

Hello, parents! Is your teen college ready? My name is Shellee Howard, the CEO, and I am so excited to introduce our guest tonight. Matt, can you please share a little bit about yourself?

Absolutely. First of all, thanks for having me. Uh, my name is Matt Creven, and I'm the founder of TalkShop. TalkShop is my own small but mighty educational tutoring firm, if you want to say that, that way. And I work with high school and college students one-on-one and in group workshops, and I facilitate these live workshops that develop effective communication skills. That's the short version. I know we're going to get into it a little bit more.

Outstanding. A little bit of context maybe you can share with our listeners. Um, I know we were talking beforehand and you are in the thick of the Teenage World. Um, how did you get into the communication arena, and, uh, how do your teenagers enjoy that piece?

Yeah, all good questions. Teenagers enjoying how to communicate, uh, mine not so much. But let me back up and give some context to you and to your listeners because I think that is important. There's really 3 key pieces of my background that have brought me to launching my own business about 3 years ago. And it's really the culmination of both my professional work experience background in corporate America, if you will, and the background that I have in the sports industry as well as my parenting journey. So let me kind of stitch that together for you. My first job right out of college many moons ago was as an unpaid public relations intern. Very fortunate that I was with the San Francisco 49ers. It's not about the team. Some people like the team, some people don't. It's about what I learned there. It— my head was spinning working with soon-to-be Hall of Fame athletes, members of the broadcast media, my colleagues. These are people I were admiring 7 years earlier on my parents' couch. Now I'm in production meetings with them. I had to communicate with all of these variety of personalities confidently and clearly. And talk about learning them on the job, on the fly. I bring a lot of the lessons that I have you know, since continued to learn over my 30 years now working with the 49ers as a part-time employee, I bring a lot of those lessons right into the workshop. The second piece is the real-world background working with Microsoft, FedEx, FranklinCovey, just to name those three over the course of a 25-year business development journey, being able to pitch, present, how to listen, how to navigate conflict internally and externally, how to run productive and effective meetings. All about the art and science, if you will, of how to communicate effectively. Bring a lot of those lessons right in all of my workshops. And third, but really it's the most important for me, is I'm a parent too. I happen to be a single dad of two teen boys, 14 and 18. And now I can answer your question, how do they like it? I will answer it this way. They often hear me, and especially over the years when we were all conducting business over Zoom, they finally, my younger one said, Dad, I always hear you tell, tell your people that you're talking to that your boys are your case studies. What does that mean? And why do you call us your case studies? I said, first of all, you are because you're mine. And so my two boys are very, very different, but it's a part of the background that I bring. One is on the spectrum, one is not. They communicate very differently. So they handle it. They know this is what I do for a living. And they kind of roll their eyes because that's what teen boys do. But I know they're absorbing it and it'll pay off somewhere down the road.

Absolutely. You know, the fun part about all that is, as a parent, every one of our kids, I think, are different. I have 4, and if I communicated like I do to number 1 to number 3, total disconnect. And so how do you When you meet these young people and they're in your workshops, how do you navigate their communication style knowing that they're all going to be so different?

Yeah, no, and it's a big part of it. It's— and I'm certainly not a comic, but I do implement the 3 rules of what I think it takes to be a good comedian or comedienne, and that is know your audience, have good timing, and then deliver your message. But not all the audiences are going to be the same. For example, student may be a little more on the reserved or shy side, and they may not be as comfortable to advocate for themselves in high school, to go up and talk to a teacher or maybe another adult or a coach. So learning how to just in a way start, and I'll back that up by saying, look, are you a musician? Do you like to play an instrument or are you an athlete? Good. How were you that first day when you were playing the violin? You probably weren't very good. It takes some practice, but you started. So it's really about getting these students to start building habits now that will lead to skill for when it really does matter. So yeah, that's a big part of it because not everyone is outgoing. There's reserve, they're shy, there's learning disabilities, there's a lot. But that's the way I address it. And I think it's— I don't want to say it's universal because there is no one-size-fits-all. But I think that's the way I approach it and they seem to get it when I use the music analogy or the sports analogy of no one starts out as an expert, but they start. So that's, that's my answer to that.

So fascinating. Last night I was talking to one of my students, um, it was actually, uh, a friend of a friend and he, he was an athlete. And so I was using metaphors all over the place and he was leaning into the camera like, just really wanting to hear what I had to say. And then as soon as I stopped talking metaphors, he leaned back in his chair like, okay, I'm done. So I love that you use metaphors with teenagers because it helps them to connect the dots. Who is a, a typical or a good client for you? Like, parents listening on the podcast, how would they know if their student would benefit from what your, your workshops offer?

Yeah, no, it's a fair question. I think any parent is going to look at it through their own lens. I'm a parent too, just like you and just like your listeners. The majority of them is they might recognize it that, you know, when they're out to— out at a restaurant, let's say, as an example, are they comfortable calling, making a phone call to set up their own next dental or doctor appointment? Are they comfortable getting on a phone and ordering takeout? Are they comfortable in person talking to a different adult? I think parents probably see that, whether they maybe want to— I don't want to say admit it, that sounds like they're hiding something. But I think that any teen, especially in today's world— and I know this is a really glossy comment, but I'll stand by it— I think there's always room for improvement. My own two, as a small example, every student that I work with, whether it's in a classroom setting, a sports team, a religious youth group, or just a small group of 5 to 10 friends in a neighborhood, they want to meet and do a workshop in someone's home. They all can learn how to improve this skill because like I said, this is a habit. It's like putting habits together that will bring, you know, then develop skills. I think any parent would probably want this for their child. I know that sounds a little grandiose, but it will pay off. Interviewing. Do you want your son or daughter to be able to be clear and concise and confident when they're given the most annoying interview question ever? Hey, tell me about yourself. It's the most annoying interview question, but guess what? They're going to get it. So why not be prepared? I don't mean to dance around that question, but I think most parents can recognize that I'm not anti-technology, but we all live in this app-driven, cyber-crazy bubble world where it's easy to dash off texts or emails or live in social media a little bit and communicate that way. Which is okay, but it's needed now more than ever to be able to communicate in person. So I think all parents can probably recognize that and give me a nod of approval.

Absolutely. It's interesting to think about it because it is a different generation, you know, with the cell phone and with technology. Everything is so fast. They're so used to getting it immediately. And so as our students are getting their application or, uh, their yeses back from universities, right? They, they blow up my text and I'm like, call me, I want to hear all about it. Crickets. And so that level of— I just want to hear in their voice their excitement, and they're using emojis, and I'm, I'm, I smile because I do speak teenager. I love them all dearly. I, I'm apparently a unique soul, but What, what can you help parents? What can you give a parent, any kind of recommendation or advice, a place to start if their, if their student just goes up in their room and shuts the door and just doesn't really want to communicate at all?

Yeah, no, it's a great question, and it actually kind of goes back. I'm going to answer from something you just mentioned that, you know, if you're getting the yeses that are coming back in, it's such an exciting time. I'm in the middle of it with my 18-year-old myself. And you're texting them and you said, hey, call me, I want to hear your voice because there's nothing that can replicate that. And I'm going to answer it this way, that one key area to answer your question as directly as possible is there are 3 key areas or 3 key pieces rather that are nearly impossible to decipher when that student was texting you. You can't decipher their tone, their spirit, you just can't. And so their intent, their spirit, and their tone, That's where your voice comes into play, and that's where it's going to come into play down the road. Someone can sense your excitement. It's just too often, and parents can recognize this if their kids do go up to the room and just start that incessant scrolling of catching up on the social media hamster wheel that just seems to be never-ending, is for the parents to understand there's a time and a place where this skill is going to come in, and it's going to be here. It's here now. And if they really want their student, they really want their son or daughter to have a distinct advantage, in my humble opinion, in the humble opinion of hiring managers out there, what better way to showcase your character and your brand than to be able to articulate it clearly, right?

We spend a lot of time in our program talking about the students' core values, their gifts, their talents, the things that they advocate for, their voice, and when, when I get them fired about— fired up about their passion, their voice does come out. How can we as parents support that, encourage that? You know, when they were little, we would give an M&M or something and they'd be like, yes, I'm so great! Now when they're teenagers, the little, the little pat on the back just sometimes feels like it's not taken significantly. So what is the positive reinforcement or the encouragement you would give parents when the teen does communicate and gets excited and share something awesome?

Yeah, I don't want to say that's a loaded question because it's not, but it's a good one. Yeah, those days of, hey, what's my kid's currency? Is it ice cream? Is it Skittles? Is it candy? Yeah, we're past that. Um, if I may, and just please, uh, jump in if I have strayed from this question, but this is something that I tell the students, not to the parents, because my workshops are for the students. And, and I, and I start every workshop almost identical in a way, is I always let them know, turn your phones off. Not just turn it to mute, but turn it off. You'll catch up and whatever's on there, just trust me a little bit so far of whatever's there, you'll get back to that. But it's a distraction and I want your attention because what we're gonna do is important for you. And then the second rule, the only rule I have of engagement for my workshops are there's no right or wrong answers. This is not class. I'm not here to lay judgment or give you a letter grade, but your voice matters and your opinions count. Yes, I'm gonna be doing some talking during our workshops or my private one-on-ones, but so are you. And it gets them engaged and it gets them talking. So I, I know that that didn't answer your question, directly, but I wanted to just kind of lay that as the groundwork because I just think that it's almost if they want to ask a rhetorical question, and some parents are comfortable asking it this way or not, because sometimes it can sound condescending a little bit. I say it in my workshop because I'm a parent, I'm just not that kiddo's parent, and it works. And that is, show of hands, who here in this workshop, who here in this room would like to have a job someday? Now again, this is high school kids. Most of them put their hands up and they, they get it. I say, great, put your hands down. How about another show of hands for who here in this room would like to have a job someday that you really liked? Again, they put their hands up and I say, great, well, let's talk about what are some of the key pieces that, what is it going to take? And it just, everything comes back. I bring it all back to the 3 C's, being clear, concise, and confident. Whether you're pitching your story, whether you're listening, whether you're asking questions, being curious. But how you communicate, bringing it all back in, is that currency. It's, do you want this for yourself, young man, young woman? Do you want this? So it's in a way, it's rhetorical, but for some that's going to light the fuse and for some it may not. So hope that helps or hope I answered.

Absolutely. I think all advice provides knowledge and and ways for parents to navigate a little bit different. I, uh, you know, I deal with students. I get to talk to students all day long. That's, that's my client. Yes, their parents are my client, but the student's actually the one doing the work. And when I prepare them for their interview, I'll never forget I had a student preparing for a Stanford interview and she said to me, why do they even want me? And I was like, What, what, what, what are we talking about? And I think what you're saying is you're also providing them confidence in their ability to communicate, and that's a gift that they'll cherish for the rest of their life. How do you motivate them to participate in the workshop? So maybe have a real shy— I don't, but maybe have a real shy, quiet student, um, child. And I want them to have a voice. I think it'd be great before they left for, for university. But I'm not sure how to bring that out. Is that something that you can cover in your workshop that would give them that encouragement to participate?

Yeah, and again, every, every student is different. Some are a little more driven than others. Some see, you know, their immediate future. They know what they want to do, and they're going after it, and others don't, right? And everything in between. I've been in so many classrooms where some are not just shy, but English is also their second language. So there's barriers, you know, at play here too. Um, in that scenario, I want to— I'm listening to you because I do try to listen. You mentioned giving them the confidence, and I just want to make, make sure I repeat this one more time because I think it's important. Is at the, you know, there's a few different key cornerstones of, of my programs. And really the overarching is what are the 3 C's? How do you become clear, concise, and confident? And how do you apply them?

Mm-hmm.

When you do become clear and understand how to build those habits of becoming a clear communicator, how you can become concise, which is a lot to do with attention spans, how minimal they are, and how you become concise in your communication skills. You put those first 2 C's into play, then the 3rd C naturally just happens. And that's the confidence. But that is you putting things to practice, putting it to practice. As I mentioned earlier, becoming a first chair violin doesn't happen overnight, or becoming a medalist in a, in your swim meet. You have to practice it. So I just wanted to back up, but giving them the confidence is, is having them practice during the workshops. Let me give you an example. It's, I will ask you know, there's a lot of— there's about 6 different breakouts, if you will, over the course of a typical 60 to 75 minute workshop where the students are doing a fair amount of talking because it makes it real. The issues and concerns that they are facing in their day-to-day as it relates to how they communicate, that gets brought up right away. And then we, we hit those along with the core curriculum of the program. So it gets them talking. So the whole point is they're actually communicating to each other and to me during the whole workshop. They're not listening to me lecture them, and it's not a seminar. So that's a big piece of how I've, you know, put together this curriculum is they're actually— I'm engaging them now as a facilitator. That's my job, and I love that challenge. I like the challenge, and guess what? The students get challenged too. I challenge them in a good way. Sometimes bring a little, you know, moments of levity in there to get them to lighten up a little bit, whatever it takes. I'm fine, but they will be doing some talking, and that's putting these 3 C's into play during the workshop. Therefore, they leave with some immediately usable tools that they've learned that they can now put into play the minute they leave the room. The next conversation they have, they can start to put this into play. I can't hold their hand through it. That's the goal.

Yeah, it's interesting when I'm, when I'm talking to a potential teenager, because we don't allow, uh, just anybody into our, into our program. They have to want it. And when I'm talking to a teenager, um, I will ask them, tell me about yourself, right? That, that's the hard— that's the hard question. And they'll kind of almost like sink in and kind of whisper just so humbly. And I'm like, I know your parents taught you don't brag, don't boast, like people don't like it. And I'm telling you that if you do not scream from the very top of the you know, building how amazing you are, colleges will never know. So helping them getting that voice, which is what you're offering to families, is huge. When we prepare them for interviews and when we get them ready for their applications, it's like pulling teeth to find out that they're a National Merit Scholar. I'm like, if I was a National Merit Scholar, I'd tell everybody about it. These kids are so humble. And I don't know if it's because, you know, we tell them don't brag, don't boast, people don't like it, or is it society, or is it just who they are, right? Socialism, or just how they're born. But for those kids who it's not a natural thing, your program, what I'm hearing, is will bring that out.

It brings it out, but it also explains to them and gives them the why, why it's important to be able to be confident. And there's a fine line. You and I know this as adults and other adults that are listening to this, the parents, you know, realize in our work world, in our real world, it's a, it's not a great look to be with someone that is just all the time arrogant. Mm-hmm. But being confident is different. And yes, you pick your moments and you pick your spots. But yes, if someone's a merit scholar, they should absolutely know how to tactfully and humbly communicate to this, to the question you asked, tell me about yourself. I mentioned it earlier because I always find that question extremely annoying. No one really knows how to answer it. And when you're a high school kid, you probably don't know how to answer it either. And I give tips on that throughout the program because like I said earlier, that question is going to come up. So yeah, it's, you know, for some they're gonna have it. Maybe they're just not as comfortable, you know, tooting their own horn, so to speak, and some are just really shy and reserved as it is. So when it comes to speaking about themselves and their accolades, that might be a little tougher. Like I said, some might be shy, just really reserved. Some you need to rein in because they'll talk too much and everything in between. And that's fine, but I kind of hone this into a very specific, you know, those 3 C's and where they apply, why they're, and why they matter. Because they apply almost to every conversation, whether it's school, conversations at home, whatever the family sphere might look like, in their relationships. When I'm saying relationships, I'm saying mostly social for a high school student, but those relationships and how to communicate And building and maintaining relationships are going to be a real distinct advantage to them as they get into college and in the real world, because that's really at stake. What this is, what this is all about is maintaining those relationships and ultimately getting them as college and/or career ready as possible. So yeah, I think it's, you know, and this is exactly— you answered it. This is why I do it, because I know how important it is.

So if a family wanted to get in touch with you, what would be the best way that they could reach out and connect?

Yeah, the best way I think is really the website because all of my social media is there. It's kind of funny I'm saying social media when I'm saying, hey, have real conversations. But if you want to connect with me to start the conversation, my website, and I'll give it here now and I'll repeat it again, it's talkshop. So it's T-A-L-K-S-H-O-P, talkshop.company, not .com. So it's talkshop.company. Company. There's a contact me there. There's a way to connect with me on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, etc. I obviously am always open to hearing from parents, even if they want to learn more about the workshops, the private sessions, the learning outcomes that come from this. You know, certainly open to talking to anyone, of course.

Outstanding. Thank you so much for being on the show. We are grateful for your time.

You bet. Thanks for having me.