Podcast Release!

Hello, this is Shellee Howard with College Ready, and I am so excited to introduce our next guest, Lori Oberbrechlin. Is that how you say it? You totally got it. I love it. Can you please introduce yourself and let our clients and listeners know what exactly it is that you do?

Absolutely. I'm Lori Oberbrechlin, like you said. I am a wife, I'm a mom of 4, and I run Secrets of Supermom. And that is my company that started with the pandemic and moms really struggling and me saying, how can I help? And so I interviewed and surveyed almost 200 moms. I pulled together a book that has 16 secrets of what, what the moms that were trying to thrive during that time were doing differently. And, and I shared that and that's become a podcast and a program and a membership and all the things. So it's been a really fun adventure. I'm also a corporate leader. I still work in corporate America. And so I definitely am, and I'm a mom doing it all.

Ah, I'm tired just listening. Oh my gosh. So my 5th child, so I have 2 biological, 2 step, and an Italian exchange student. My last 2 just graduated from high school last week. So I am actually an empty nester for the second time.

And that must seem so far away from you.

So just enjoy the ride.

Oh, it seems so far. But then talking to all of my mom friends, talking to all the moms that I meet through this work, I know it goes by in a blink, right? I know that the time so far has gone by in a blink. And I just every day really try to focus on taking it all in, on loving those every moments, because man, things change quickly. Things are different, you know, all the time. And I just want to take all of that in because I know that, you know, in a heartbeat, my oldest is going to be, you know, waving to us from the car driving off to college.

So can you share with our listeners, how old are your children? Sure.

They are 12, 11, 8, and 6. My youngest just turned 6.

How exciting. So here's a mom a corporate leader and a podcast host and a mama for— oh yeah, and she has a husband. Don't forget that. Yeah, totally. How do you manage? I mean, and on top of it, you saw other moms in need, you stepped up. How do you manage to do it all?

Yeah, I think, um, I get that question a lot. And I think my answer is always, whoa, whoa, whoa, I do not, right?

I don't do it all.

But I do feel very much that my life is balanced. And I think that's because I'm doing the things that are most important to me. And I have learned over so much trial and error how to let go of the things that are not so important, and how to set boundaries and how to say no. So those things together with just really having a very strong Sunday planning ritual that, you know, strategic-wise, I have a Sunday planning ritual. I go through my morning, my morning routine. So I have some very specific strategies in place that I use, but I really think that learning to ask for help, set boundaries, say no, those things were the things that really were the game changers for me and changed it around and put me in a spot where I do feel like I am quote doing it all, but I'm really not because it's just the important things that I'm able to prioritize, putting those, those tools in place.

I just, I don't even know where to go with you. Like you're the super mom and then you're the corporate mom. And so let's just kind of take it for the moment of my listeners have teenagers looking to get into college. And have a wonderful career on the other side. As you look back and you, you know, before you had the kids, you had the career, what did that look like? Did you know what you wanted to be when you grew up?

Oh no. I am in clinical research. I didn't even know my job existed. My very first job in my industry, I didn't even know it was a job. I had never heard of it. And when I started, I was like, this is amazing. But I had no idea that it was even out there. Not even through college did I know that it was out there. And so I was able to have some fun adventures. I went to grad school. I, you know, I did some other things. And I actually got my very first job through a temp agency. I got this position. And I was in this temp role and did well. And they said, hey, we'd like to hire you. And I was like, yeah, this is a really cool industry. I never, I never had heard of it. I didn't know any, any a thing about it. And then just climbed the ranks, you know, from that very bottom spot all the way through to, you know, where I'm a leader now. And so I think sometimes our path is very clear and laid out, you know, and, you know, my mom is a dental hygienist. She went to dental hygiene, she was a medical assistant, she went to dental hygiene school. Like, she just was on this very clear path. And I felt like mine wasn't quite so clear, but, um, but it's come to a spot where I am of course, loving all the things that I get to do and I'm able to, to be in a position that I just love.

And now the 12-year-old, any idea what the path looks like? No.

So she, she wants to go to college, so that's exciting, right? Because not everybody does right now. There's, uh, there's a lot of shift into, you know, people taking sabbaticals and going and traveling and, um, you know, starting their own businesses at very young ages, right? We have all of these different things that they're doing. She wants to go to college, but she doesn't know what the path is. She said, I just don't know what I want to do. And my 6-year-old even— so this is a funny little story. My 6-year-old, we're driving in the car and says, I don't, Mom, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. There are just so many options. And I was like, there really are. And I told him, well, the beauty of that is that you don't actually have to decide because Mommy wasn't an author until last year. Mommy, you know, became a photographer just a few years ago, and she was never a photographer, and now I do that as on the side. And so I said, you get to pick something that's awesome, but if you want to change your mind, you can do that. And so I think that is a beauty, or a beautiful thing that's kind of happening more and more for people, is that they're changing direction and it's okay. And so I think it also puts a little less pressure on our young people to feel like they've— they're making a decision that's lifelong instead of making a decision that's 5 years long, or maybe a couple years long, and then we'll pivot them into a direction that might be even more exciting.

I love that story because it takes away some of that anxiety, that, that overwhelm that people are feeling. You know, back in the day, we would keep a career for a very, very long time, sometimes a lifetime, right? Now people are like 5 years and they're, they're pivoting. And so these young people are feeling this pressure, and I tell them, listen, if you stick with your core values, your passions, and those things that are deeply rooted in you, no matter where you go, you're going to be true to you. And that's so true.

Yeah, that's exactly it. Because it might not be the same job that still allows you to fulfill that purpose, that, that drive, that, you know, that joy that, that brings you the light in your life. And, and I think that's okay. It doesn't have to right? It doesn't have to be the same, right?

So have you thought about, or do you happen to know what your 12-year-old's top 10 passions are?

Oh, um, I could name a few, you know. So she loves singing and dancing and musical theater, so she's in a lot of theater. She loves music, so she plays an instrument. She likes to create, so she likes art and things like that. So certainly there are some passions that she has. She has talked about college, and we talked, um, I think when, um, you were on my show, we talked about coming up with like an idea that is a sort of a passion project, and that's what really can set you apart, right? We talked about that when I interviewed, um, when I interviewed you, and I told her about that. I said, you know, we, we talked that that's something that can set you apart, so we can start thinking about what we could do. Because right, she's at that right age, she's going to 7th grade, she's at the junior high age, she's right where she needs to be. And I thought, there are so many things that she would love to do, right? So many things that would bring her joy that she could set up and have these passion projects that continue into high school and continue beyond that. So I loved that conversation with her. Because she, you know, she was like, well, what kinds of things do people do? So we were, you know, coming up with ideas of other things that other teens and preteens do, and it was fun.

You know, having those conversations at this age is allowing them to step into themselves, right? Before all the college planning happens, if you approach college planning as just be the best version of you, and oh, by the way, use college to step into the next stage, no matter where you land on the other side, like you, you didn't know you love your career. I have been fortunate. I have always loved what I did— I've done. Um, and so I think by starting with those things that are important to her, that's going to be great. Now, is she good at all subjects or just a few subjects?

So right now she's good at all of them, but again, she's just leaving 6th grade, and I feel like it becomes different in junior high, certainly different in, in high school, where where you start to— I mean, she may still, you know, strive and be strong in all of them, but she is pretty consistent right now. I do think, um, I do think she likes the math and science better than writing and, um, writing and literature and those things, but she's good at all of them. So I'll be interested to see if, if more strengths start to appear as things get more challenging, as she gets into higher-level coursework and that sort of thing.

Right. So out of your 4, right, they're, they're all identical, right? All of them exactly the same.

So wildly different. And people ask me, is it easier to, to have girls or boys? And my answer is neither. Like, it is—

they are—

all 4 of them are incredibly different in their passions, incredibly different in the way they communicate, incredibly different in the way that they like show love and give love, like all of these things, they're just so different. And so different in their, their academic, um, stri— you know, abilities, academic, or different in their athletic abilities. Just there are so many differences between them that it really isn't a boy and a girl thing for me. It's really a child thing. And, um, and so I think all 4 of them will be on wildly different paths as they grow.

Absolutely. And I often tell parents, you know, having— I have 2 boys, 2 girls, and then my exchange student from Italy who just left, she's a girl as well. And I get asked all the time, and I agree, because my 2 boys are not identical and none of the girls are identical. And so what do you think, just based on being mommy now, what do you think that if you could pick the ultimate career for your firstborn What do you think that would be for her?

Oh, well, right now, because she likes to perform, I think she would love, like, to be on stage and to be doing something in the theater, whether that is acting or directing or, um, you know, even producing, those sorts of things. I think right now that's her biggest passion. Um, but I don't know, I don't know if that will, if that will continue, because she also is very She gets very high grades, the highest of all of my children. I mean, massively higher than the rest of my children. And so she is able to apply herself. She doesn't— and she doesn't have to work super hard at it. So I think, you know, there are kids that do really, really well and have to work very hard. And then there are kids that do really, really well, and it just kind of comes to them. And she's more of that right now. So, so I could see her wanting something more challenging or feeling like she needed a balance of the, of the creative and the logic, which is sort of the way that I, you know, the reason that I think that my life is so balanced now is that in my careers, I am in this very logical corporate leadership position. And then I'm also in this creative podcaster, author, you know, that position, and that's created that perfect balance for me. And so I could see her going along those same footsteps.

Absolutely. And it's interesting, students similar to your daughter, their biggest challenge is to truly figure out what they want to do. And it seems so ironic that these kids that life kind of comes easy, they struggle so much to figure out who I am and why do I matter. And so if you could have those conversations about her core values, we spend a lot of time when we bring— we have students now that are starting with us in 7th and 8th grade, and we're not talking necessarily about college. We're talking about who they are and why they matter, and how do we get them to really step into that greatness. And so when they're young like that, what we're doing is helping them to get clear on what matters to me, and it's going to change. But you would be surprised, my oldest, who's now an orthopedic surgeon, he's the same kid who in preschool was picking other kids up off the ground and telling them it's gonna be okay. And he just always had that very nurturing side. We called him tenderhearted because he would feel other people's pain. And it was kind of ironic because he was a very soft young little boy, and he's still a very soft-hearted young man. And so I saw that at a very early age, and I had no idea what he was going to do with it. And so sometimes with those children who come with those special gifts and talents, it's a bit challenging because they're like, well, I'm kind of good at this and I'm really good at this. And so it'll be fun to see where she goes. Now, as you think of moms in your world and how they're trying to balance work and family and their hobbies and Being the super mom, how do you plan to do that with your 4 youngsters who will soon be 4 teenagers?

Yes, and my will all be— they're so close in age, they will all 4 be teens at the same time. Wow, it's, it's berserko in my, in my mind. So my first one will officially be a teenager at the end of the year, but they will all 4 be teens at the same time. So that's madness, right? Um, but I really think that a lot of the strategies, the habits, the routines, the structures that I've put into place now will make life just as structured moving forward. So by that, I mean, I do Sunday planning and I never plan to not do Sunday planning because it will help me figure out if our teens have, you know, deadlines for things, if we have expectations for things, my— we have a planner that is an app that is visually displayed in our kitchen. So it's not— we're not on a whiteboard, we're on a, like, a digital display, but they can see our calendar. They can see our family calendar. Everyone has a role and everyone has a login as they age. So my oldest now has a login. My other kids will have logins. So everyone can control the family calendar and also see it in our kitchen. And so those just little things make it so that everyone knows what's going on, everyone stays organized, everyone knows what to expect. And I think that all of those things, as they continue to add more and more to their plates, as they continue to add deadlines and expectations and college submissions and testing and all those things that will come, that is what will keep us together, is this ability to keep those routines and structures so we're not missing deadlines, so we're not forgetting that we have testing, you know, that next weekend, So we're not, we're not having those things happen. We're able to see everything as it comes, my husband, me, and all the kids. And so I think together we will, we'll be able to achieve this. And as they grow, they get to be more and more involved in it. And I like that too, because then it takes some of that pressure off of me. I can't, I can't do all the things. And if I want them to be independent, responsible, beautiful humans, they need to have those responsibilities too. Be able to continue to add to their plates and grow. So I think that that is my plan right now. You know, certainly that could change. Everything does. But, but that's my plan to make things just continue to, to run as smoothly as possible.

I love that. Now, of course, there's always going to be the one who does not quite stick with the plan. You don't have to—

that'll be my third.

Number 3. You don't have to throw them under the bus. But, you know, out of my 5, I'm like, oh yeah, that's got to have a little humor there.

Yes, yes. She'll be the one that, oh, did I not put that in the calendar?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Over and over again. Uh-huh.

And we've always taught the kids, if you start off the day by making your bed, you've accomplished one thing.

There you go.

And now all but one, and I know that one does it just to get— get under my skin and mess with me. So I think you have the right attitude, the right ability to— it's not going to be perfect, right? People are not perfect. So why would I expect our calendar to be perfect? So as you help them plan and you talk about college and you talk about their future, a few things that I have learned from you is that if we sit our students down, our children down, and we have those conversations early on before they're ever really a worry or a thing, it opens up that natural conversation for the tougher things later. Are there any other things like you wish you would have known, or the younger you wish they would have known, or, you know, didn't see that coming, that you might be able to share with our moms who are listening?

Yeah, I, well, I learned this from another— someone that I interviewed, Mel. She was on my podcast, and she has teens, and she teaches moms about teens. And she actually then— she had— when we interviewed, she had 20, you know, kids in their 20s, and then one in their teens. And she started these individual kid meetings. So she had 3 kids, and she had started these individual meetings with them. And so after I had this interview with her, you know, last year, I said, I'm going to do this with mine. So I started, we call them kid connections, they're on the calendar and they're individual meetings with each kiddo. And they are talking about grades, they're talking about what's worrying them, they're talking about what's exciting them for the summer, they're talking about all sorts of things. And they're, you know, oftentimes wrestling with Daddy at the end of that time. But it has been a nice way to have individual time with each kiddo and time where we are really focusing on the important things because as they grew, she saw that they were talking about college and they were talking about relationships and they were talking about the big topics, the really big topics that it's hard to bring up those conversations sometimes. So they would have dedicated time that they could say, okay, this is going to be a tough one, but we've got our dedicated time, we're going to use it. And so I thought, if I put these on the calendar now when they're super excited about it, because they love the one-on-one time with us, they're just going to expect it as they continue to grow. And even at those ages where they may not love it, you know, my 14 may— she may not want to be doing that, but she'll already be used to doing it on a regular basis. So I just, um, like I said, I haven't been doing them super long time. We just started them not, you know, only a few months ago, but so far they're going really well, and I expect that those will continue, uh, and I hope that they do.

I think that's brilliant, you know. Life is so busy, we don't often get to all sit around the same meal, let alone do quality me time. I often tell families, until I learned my children's love language, I was speaking completely wrong to each one of them. Yeah. And, you know, I think there's something to understanding truly how to connect with each child because they are so different. We take it a step further. So when they're applying to college, we help them look for the academic fit, the social fit, and the financial fit, because that social fit is so critical to their success. If they're miserable, they're not going to be successful. Yeah. And so I would encourage you to add that element in the academic, the social, and the financial, because financial literacy has become a huge problem for our society. And that's why I'm on a mission to help a million families graduate debt-free. That is a life-changing opportunity. So for young ones like yours, I think what you're doing, that one-to-one time, is so critical.

They love it.

I mean, I know my teenagers would— I mean, it wouldn't be like, go get ice cream. It would be more like, let's go get dinner and a movie. And sure, it grows, but How exciting. And what a great mommy you are.

Oh, thank you.

You are so welcome. If somebody needed help or advice, is there a way, maybe your book, or is there, what can you offer somebody who's maybe feeling overwhelmed by this whole mommy thing? Yes.

Just trying to do all the things and feeling like they never happen. So my website is Secrets of Supermom, and that's the best place to go because that's where the podcast is. You can listen to the episodes that speak to you. That's where you can get the book. And that's where the membership's available. And the membership really focuses on productivity, but also parenting. So it's a combine of how to get more done, but also how to feel like that present parent that you really wanna be, because oftentimes that's where we start to feel the most guilt is that we feel like we're not the best mom, we're not the mom that we wanna be. And so it just works through some of those kind of really strategic things that we can do to feel more patient, feel more calm, you know, be, be the mom that we're, we're striving for every day.

I love that. Thank you so much for being on the show. It has been a pleasure talking with you.

So much fun. Thank you.