Podcast with Jeff Heggie: Mindset for Successful Students

Hello families, this is Shellee Howard, the CEO of College Ready, and I am so excited to share our next guest with you. Parents, is your teen college ready? That's what we're trying to figure out. So I'd like to welcome Jeff. Jeff, welcome to the show.

Thank you, Shellee. Um, appreciate the opportunity to be here with you and to share my story and to share what I do.

Outstanding. So let's jump right into it. Please share with our listeners a little bit about yourself and why you do what you do.

You bet. Thank you. You know, all my life I've kind of wanted to be my own boss, and so I've had that entrepreneurial spirit. I've been involved in athletics my whole life, from playing all the sports growing up to having a professional rodeo career for a number of years. And having a little over 20 years experience coaching basketball and then, you know, a lot of other sports just because my kids were involved in them, football and different events. But what I do on a daily basis is I have the opportunity to work with entrepreneurs and athletes. And a big part of that is working directly with athletes through a, through one-on-one coaching, through a program that I have with Tammy Matheny, which is called the Confident Athlete Program. And then, as I mentioned, also with entrepreneurs, helping them develop businesses and grow their businesses. And the thing that I've found so cool is everything that we work with athletes, whether they're in middle school, at the college level, we've got some of the professional level, all of the things that we're teaching them how to be better athletes, how to be better people, are the same skills that they can transfer into lifelong skills that are going to help them forever. I look at a lot of the things that are really powerful things that I learned growing up, and a lot of those things that I use on a day-to-day basis, I learned from coaches. And so that's really where I have an opportunity to do what I love, is working with athletes, working with students to help them find success.

I can feel it. I can sense it. It's awesome. I speak your language. I am a scholar athlete and I am an entrepreneur. So we're in the right room. But for those families who are thinking, does my child need somebody like you? How, how would I know? Are there cues? Is there verbiage? Like, how would I know that my child would be a good candidate for, for your service?

If they can fog a mirror, then they're probably the right person. Okay. And you know what, not Not even, not even just necessarily me, but what I want to point out, the importance is if you're looking at it from an athletic standpoint, there's so much time, money, effort that's put into the physical aspect of the sport, which is necessary to really achieve your best and, you know, reach your goals. But what people don't realize is how important the mental game is, and it's just as important as the physical game. And, you know, I've seen it at all levels. You take two athletes that physically they're equal in talent, but one over time outshines the other. And usually it's because they've developed their mental game. And, you know, when you look at the things that you can do to develop your confidence, to develop your mental game, it really is a differentiating factor. It's a game changer. And so there's a lot of things whether it's just focusing on your confidence, dealing with adversity, all these different things. And the— like I said earlier, these are all things that are going to help you become a better athlete, but they're going to help you become a better student. They're going to help you become a better future employer or employee, mom, dad, whatever it is. These are all things that as you develop these skills, it's going to help you in everything that you do, right?

So the skill, right? What is the skill that would help us all be better at what we do? Can you talk a little bit deeper about what that is?

You know what, there, there's a lot of them. But if we look at confidence in general, um, because that's a lot of what we talk about, say, in our Confident Athlete program, that skill is knowing how to deal with situations, both positive and negative, so that you can be at a confident level regardless of what you're facing. You know, a lot of people look at confidence as a roller coaster. You're going to have high confidence at times, low confidence at times, and that's not it. You, you've got to be able to develop that skill so that you're confident regardless of the situation. When something negative happens, it doesn't lower your confidence. It helps you to look at things different. You know, you hear people talk about a growth mindset and a fixed mindset, and that's a big part of what we really talk about, because with a growth mindset, someone can face adversity and look at it as a learning opportunity and get better because of it. But with more of a fixed mindset, it's like, I, I failed at that. I'm a failure. And you can't grow from that. And so we really want to teach people how to deal with adversity, how to deal with the ups and the downs, and how to keep that confidence level all the time so you're always on the right path to be able to perform at your best. Mm-hmm.

Right. So I was a scholar athlete, and my two older kids were scholar athletes. And so we did— I think we chatted a little bit about this before. I was big on affirmations. Are those still a thing?

Absolutely. You know, I go back, I go way back to, you know, the early 1900s. Napoleon Hill wrote the book Think and Grow Rich, and he talks about like creating your definite chief aim. And it's basically an affirmation. And this is something in, in the book we wrote, Challenger Deep: Athletes Rise Above Adversity. I use that as an example because Bruce Lee wrote his definite chief aim, and it's a great example of something he would go through every day. And one of the things we, we teach our athletes is how to find your true why, you know, the real purpose behind what you're doing. And we go through a very, very good exercise to help someone discover that why at a deeper level than you would think. And Affirmations or a definite chief aim is something that you can read every single morning. I have it posted right here on my computer. I have it on my phone that it goes off first thing in the morning. I read it before I go to bed. I read it and it's just to get your mind in focus of why you're doing what you're doing and what it is you're doing it for, what you're trying to achieve. And so, yeah, I'm a big believer in them.

So does this program work for some athletes versus other athletes? Are you— are we talking from ballet dancer to quarterback?

You know what, that, that is the cool part is, you know, my background is with football and basketball, um, rodeo. I was in all sorts of sports. I boxed, I played hockey, and so I get to work with athletes too. But we have a lot of soccer players. We have a lot, we have a lot of athletes that I played very little of that sport or didn't play it at all. But it's all that mindset. And you know what the cool part is? It's applicable to every sport and it's applicable to everything you're doing outside your sport. You know, we talk A big part of what we teach through what we call our success path, one of the modules is focused on, we call it talk the talk, and it's your self-talk, how important your self-talk is because we all do it all day long. We're talking to ourselves and so much of that's negative. And especially when we're competing as athletes or we're writing an exam or whatever it might be, the self-talk is such a powerful thing. And if you don't know how to control it, it can really be a downward spiral. And so, yeah, it doesn't matter if it's ballet, it doesn't matter if you're a quarterback. These are skills that are going to help you. And that goes back to the affirmations because, you know, we teach a lot of things with our athletes saying, you know, when you're competing, you've got to first of all recognize that you're having that negative self-talk. And it's easy to say, okay, you recognize that. Now you've got to change it to something more positive. That's easy to say beforehand. But then, you know, I've had athletes come back and say, okay, I've got that first step because you know what, I was playing last night and I recognized when the negative self-talk started, but I was like, I don't care if I recognize that that ref is terrible. And you know, so you've gotta be able to have some tools to go along with it. What are you going to do? Because in the heat of the moment when your emotions are involved, you might say, yeah, I recognize the negative self-talk, but I don't care right now because it's justified. And so we have a lot of different tools that we use. When you recognize it, do this, this, this. And one of them is affirmations. You know, go through your affirmations because it'll change your focus. We can't have two thoughts at the same time. And if we go through those positive affirmations, it can really change our self-talk at that moment.

I hear you loud and clear. But for those parents who were not athletes or not entrepreneurs, this may be the first time that they're learning about this whole, like, talking to yourself thing and like think positive thing. And maybe you can share a little bit about, you know, the how. How do you do it? That might help them to get a better understanding. It's not that you put their kid in a closet blindfolded and say, hey, do this, you know what I mean? Like, they may be thinking, uh, is this a little off? So maybe take it to the other extreme for that that family who didn't— wasn't an athlete or didn't, you know, use that mindset. What is a tool? What does it look like? How do you do it?

Yeah, I mean, just, just think for yourself. You're having conversations in your mind all day long. And right now you probably thought, well, am I? Well, yeah, that was a conversation you just had in your mind. And that is going all day long. And the more we can recognize it, the more we can control it. And so it might just be while you're driving down the road and someone cuts you off, and how do you respond to that? And you don't— if you're not cognitive of it and paying attention to those things, you don't know how that affects you going forward. You know, having a bad day at work and thinking about that the whole way home and going in the house and, you know, your kids are happy to see you and you snap on them. Well, did they do something? No, it was everything that you were still boiling over and having that negative self-talk. And so, like I said, the first part is the recognition because it's everything from our body language, from our self-talk to our preparation. We've got so many things that we go through in the program but they all feed off each other. You know, the, the self-talk can change our body language, that changes our thoughts, that changes our actions. And so regardless if you're an athlete or not, these are things that you're doing every day. And when you can start to recognize your own thoughts and your own mindset and realize that your control over those thoughts and your mindset can change your outcomes down the road on anything you're doing— on an exam, on your relationship with your spouse or your kids or your siblings. It, it's really a powerful thing to pay attention to, for sure.

So how does the news and social media play a part in your mindset?

Oh, that's terrible.

I didn't want to like lead you into anything there, but for all of those parents who are like, I can't get the phone out of their face, or you know what they're hearing or seeing, or— that's real stuff, right? You don't have to be an athlete, you don't have to like understand all this, but you know, the other night I was watching a movie. My, my, my oldest is an orthopedic surgeon, and I I'm needle phobic and I'm terrified of needles and blood and all of that. And all they do is talk about it at like our family meals. And I'm like, I'm going to beat this. So I watched— I won't say the name of the title. I watched a medical movie. I had nightmares all night long. Like, it was so impactful. So when you're in those situations, what you're, what you're teaching these people You could actually use thought stopping or affirmations or something, a technique to get yourself out of that. Is that correct?

Yeah. Um, you know what, you become what you think about. Um, and that, that is a quote that has been around forever, but it, it's true. The more you think about something, the more your mind focuses on it. You watch that, that movie. It's in your mind. You dream about it, you think about it, and you make decisions based on those thoughts. And so, you know, as corny as it might sound, that's why gratitude is such a powerful tool. You know, I've got, I've got my mindset journal and my mindset questions. And the first question I ask in my mindset questions every single day that I have people fill out is, what are you grateful for? Because when you can recognize something that you're grateful for, it doesn't have to be big. It goes, it really changes your whole physio, physiology, the way you're thinking and everything. You know, I, I had an interview once with Nick Santanasasso, and he was born with one arm and no legs. And he says, you know, I ask people, you know, what are you grateful for? Oh, nothing. There's nothing to be grateful for. He says, hey, look at me. I'm grateful every day. And you have two arms and two legs. Just be grateful for that. So it really is. It's how we think of things, and it has such an impact.

I love that. Students in, in the College Ready Program, we do a lot of mindset work as we're preparing to pick the right colleges. You know, there's the academic fit, the social fit, the financial fit, the athletic fit, the visual and performing art, like There's a lot of fits that we're trying to achieve. And if I ask the parent what is most important, they will say one thing. And if I ask the student what is most important, they're going to say a different thing. And I say, we need to come together, right? In a perfect world, they get it all. I understand that. That's our goal. But if we have to prioritize what is most important, and it comes down to their mindset, It really comes down to what they think is going to be best for their child, and the child thinks differently. So what happens when you have a parent and a child thinking differently?

You know what? That, that's a great point because I— well, let me put it this way, because coaching 20 years, a lot of that has been with my own kids. And so, you know, there's a lot of times, and anyone that has kids that play sports know that mom or dad, they're not as smart as coach. Well, that's a bad conflict when dad is coach. And so there is. And so when I'm like, I love that about the Confident Athlete program is I'll tell parents, you know what, go through this with your child. Because when you can start having conversations around certain topics and speak the same language with each other, it really helps. But I think one of, one of the most important things in anything we do in life is communication. And so it's having that communication. Well, why is this important to you? And does your athlete, your student, your child understand that? And do you understand why these things are important to them? And so I think that communication is vital. Parents, coaches, athletes, students, all of them have to be able to have that communication and understanding. Because I mean, how many times can you think, oh, well, yeah, Mom and Dad were right. I wish I would have realized that before I was an adult. But it's a lot. It's easy to say, you know, because I'm dad and I said so, but it doesn't go anywhere when you can have the communication and talk through it and come together on decisions on why things— and, you know, and I know what you do, and that's why that's so important, because you can bring things together and kind of the aha moment for both sides being like, oh, okay. And that, that's, you know, from an athletic standpoint, I work with a lot of athletes that are, you know what, Division I or bust. If I don't get a Division I scholarship, I'd be embarrassed to go D2, D3, NAIA, whatever it is, JUCO. And then when they start learning more and realizing what is involved in D1 and what opportunities are there with a JUCO, I had a lot of incredible athletes that have been like, you know what, my best option is Juco year one and then grow from there. And I've got others that have been like, yeah, Div 1 is the best option. And so it's really communication is I think what it comes down to.

It is so critical as, as they get older, right? Teenagers, I have them, you have them, mine are adulting, yours are there. When the student buys in, is there a big difference in their quick progress, or does it matter even if the student's like, I don't even— I was talking to a student 2 days ago, and they wanted to go D1 for lacrosse. And I said, well, D1 is huge mindset. You really have to be ready to be with the best of the best. And how are you going to do if you're not as good as the best, right? Oh, I'm— I am the best. And then I went on to say, are you a 4-year varsity athlete? Well, no, no, I played JV for 2 years. And, and I said, that is different than a 4-year varsity athlete. Who is constantly being beat down by the best of the best, right? So I think also the mindset, if I don't get it, if I'm not mistaken, it also helps positive, but it also helps to take a student who is maybe not used to failing or not being the very best to prepare them on how will that play out, right? Because at some point somebody's going to be better. So yeah, absolutely right. So rodeo, take for example, I'm guessing every time you went into the arena there was times where you had people that were better than you. How do you help students with that mindset where they're used to being the best but now they're at the top and they're competing with the best? Do you use the same technique?

Yeah, that, that's interesting. And that, that's a good point. I mean, I look at from when I was an amateur competitor in rodeo to professional, it was a big jump. You know, I was competing at the amateur level where, you know, every rodeo almost it seemed like I was placing and winning. And then when I went professional, I'm competing against the best in the world and when you win, the checks are bigger, but there's a lot more distance between those checks because if you slip up one little bit, you know, you just got smoked by everyone else. And it is a big difference. And that's, you know, the mindset of Division I or anything. But Division I, sitting the bench for 4 years versus starting at a Division II or a JUCO and, you know, raising your stake and then getting picked up and really earning that. It, it is a mindset thing. And, you know, the, the cool thing about sports is every single day in sports, we're learning how to deal with failure, whether it's in games, practice, whatever we're doing, we're learning how to deal with that. But I think it's an important thing to realize what you're really achieve? Because if it's the ego part of it saying, I'm Div 1, that's one thing. If it's because I want to go and make the most of this experience, I want to pay for my schooling, that's a completely different experience. And the reality is, for most athletes, most students, your athletic career comes to an end. And it does it for everyone at some point.

Yeah.

So what is it you're doing and what do you want to get out of it? Because, you know, maybe Division I is the best and that's the option you need to take. And I would never discourage someone from that if that's where their qualifications take them. Right. But there are too many that it's that or die and they would have a better experience, get more out of it, pay for their schooling at another level, right?

So brilliant. Well, if you're listening and you're just going, my kid needs this, there's no doubt the mindset is so critical. And it honestly— my brother did it. He was doing BMX bike racing, so it's not even like the traditional athlete But it was— he had a hard time getting a jump start out of the gate, right? Just that little split second. So parents, it really could be anything from, you know, soup to nuts because everybody's mindset matters. So, Jeff, can you tell the families how they can reach you if they need more information?

Yeah, absolutely. I'll give you a few ways. First of all, my website is jeffhagee.com, and that links to everything. But with the Confident Athlete program, one of the cool things right now is we'll give you a free 2-week trial of it just to see what it's about. But above that, you can also get what we call our Mental Strength Success Secrets for free just for signing up. And what that is, is some documents such as our Talk the Talk resources on you know, when you have a negative self-talk, what are some of the things you do? And, you know, some that deal with body language. And then I talked earlier about really discovering your true why. There's some training on there. It's the 7 Levels Deep process on how to find your true why. And so if you want to get that free trial, just go to confidentathleteprogram.com. Um, otherwise, on— I'm on all social media, but Instagram's probably the most active, and that's, uh, Jeff Hagee Coaching. And then our books, um, Challenger Deep: Athletes Rising Above Adversity. It's a book of stories just talking about real-life athletes who have faced adversity and rather than crumble under the pressure have risen above. And then I also talked about my mindset journal. Um, it's just some daily success strategies that I apply every single day to help people get in the right mindset and to plan and organize themselves. Those are both available on Amazon. The mindset questions, if you don't want to get the mindset journal, just go to jeffhagee.com, scroll down to the bottom, you can get the mindset questions for free. And so they're all there.

Thank you for so many great resources. So parents, you can do this too. I'm thinking, how do I get this right? My kids are gone and I still want it. So Take Jeff up on that. Thank you so much for your time and for your wisdom. We do appreciate you.

Thank you. I appreciate the opportunity.