Podcast with Jesse LeBeau

Hello parents, is your teen college ready? I hope they are. My name is Shellee Howard and I am your host today. I have a wonderful guest, Jesse LeBeau. Jesse, can you please introduce yourself?

Yeah, I'm just— as you said that, I was thinking, am— was I college ready when I went to college? And the answer is probably not. I don't know if anyone is really truly college ready. You do everything you can, but you kind of got to get out there and live it, I feel like. So we already got some things I'm, I'm excited to talk to you about here, but my background is I grew up in Alaska and I was just crazy about basketball, and I was an underdog. I was smaller than everyone else, but I went on to use basketball to get a college, uh, scholarship there in Southern California. And I went on to play streetball all over the world and star in commercials and movies and TV shows. And I even had arguably the best day of work that any person has ever had. I had supermodel Heidi Klum feed me cheeseburgers for Carl's Jr. for a full day. And it was all because of basketball, the thing I was told my whole life I wasn't supposed to be able to do. So that kind of steered me in this interesting direction where I started getting asked to speak a lot and sharing my story and writing books. And now I work with parents and teens all over the country and, and do speaking events and coaching and have school programs. So it's, it's, uh, a little bit different than the dream I had of being an NBA basketball player, but I still get to use basketball almost every day to connect with kids and, and entertain. So it's, uh, even, I think, a bigger and more fulfilling dream than I originally had.

Oh, that makes me so happy. So I do ask one consistent question to every guest, and is— this is it— when you were 16, 17, and 18, did you know exactly what you would be doing right now?

Absolutely not. I don't even know if I knew it existed. That at that point, I did not know.

So the reason I asked that is many students are getting a lot of pressure about having to pick a major, pick a college, pick a career. Right. And if we are clear with ourselves, not many of us adults have it all figured out. So let's talk a little bit about your early years when you applied to college. Was it difficult? Was it easy? You were a scholar athlete. What was that like?

Yeah, I think like a lot of kids, I was so swept up in the moment and the only thing that mattered to me was I wanted motivated to get good grades because I knew that would help me to get college. So I was the kid that did get the 4.0 and put in the time because I knew that my athletic skills, although I worked really hard, there was people out there that were bigger, faster, stronger, and better than me. So I better have like good grades and have a good attitude and, and, you know, have some community service and all those things that help you be more well-rounded. So I really did make a conscious effort to do those things. But I remember when basketball season ended my senior year, I was like, oh my gosh, what am I going to do now with my life? It was shocking. Like, I didn't know. I didn't have that scholarship in place. I wasn't like a highly recruited athlete out of little Ketchikan, Alaska. So I went and visited one college in Alaska up in Anchorage, UAA. And then I visited another one in San Diego called Point Loma Nazarene University. And gosh, both of them were awesome places, but one of them had the number one surfing dorms in the nation. Now, I never surfed once, but I was like, that's probably where I need to go. And I didn't get a full athletic scholarship that first year. I had other things kick in for having good grades, for being involved in the Elks organization, because it was a really expensive school, and my mom was a schoolteacher and my dad was a logger in Alaska. So it wasn't like we were— just had all the money and I could go to any place I wanted. I had to figure it out on my own. So I feel like it was a combination of working hard in a sport and something I could get a scholarship, but also the academic load really helped me until I was able to turn it into a full basketball scholarship.

Ah, such a great— such an inspiration. Let's jump a little bit further. When you graduate from college, now you're at this crossroads again, right? Same thing. What was this like for you?

Not again. And as you're saying this, I'm like, man, I really should have thought ahead and thought this through a little bit more. But I actually, um, I had my senior season in college of basketball end a little short, and that's a whole other story, um, and a lot of learning lessons involved in that one. But I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. So like any good Alaskan, I moved home with my mom and I got a job working on a commercial fishing boat. Do you know anything about commercial fishing?

It's cold and smelly.

Yeah, it's not a lot of fun, but you can make some really great money in a summer, you know, 3 or 4 months of really hard work that can be a little bit dangerous. And like you said, it is smelly. You're covered in fish slime. And so it's not— it wasn't my dream job at the time. And during that time I was trying to figure out, okay, what's my next move here? I could go and play overseas and make very little money and be the only American on a team in Hungary. I could go— actually, you're going to like this— I could sell carpet in Orange County and be a carpet salesman and make about $80K a year. I had some friend that kind of made the offer to me, or I could go to LA and try to be in basketball commercials. And I had a conversation with my mom during that fishing season when I was having a hard time. And she said, hey, you're making some money, you're saving it up. Every time you talk about going and chasing this basketball commercial dream, whatever that even means, you get really excited, your eyes light up. I think you should go for it. And if you spend all your money, worst case scenario, you could come back here and you can have your old room back. You got a little bit of a safety net and That conversation and belief from my mom turned it into 6 months later, I was starring on the TV with Kobe Bryant for his— and, and I was the lead in this dream commercial, and it led to movies and commercials and music videos and TV shows. But it was all for just going for it and seeing what happens.

Gosh, another inspiration. So why I wanted you on this, um, podcast is because there's a lot of frustrated families, frustrated that their child doesn't know what they what they want to do after high school or after college, or maybe they picked a major that maybe doesn't have a career attached to it, or, right, there's this, this feeling of, ah, what do I do now? And your story just so inspired me. So how did you get— first, maybe share with the listeners how you got into your current line of work, what your mission or, or your why is, and then what exactly are you doing?

Yeah. So in the struggle that you're sharing with your parents is so relatable and one I hear all the time about finding your passion, or as I like to say, finding your obsession, that thing that you're just— you love and you get up every morning excited about, which is a hard thing to do as a young person. So I'll come back to that for sure. So really how I got into this was I just got these unbelievable opportunities, you know, and again, basketball was the thing that kind of opened the door, which is so crazy. And I was on not a commercial fishing boat, but like a sports fishing boat with my family. And we were out for the day fishing and I got a phone call and I had service. So we were close enough to town that I had some bars on the phone and I answered it and they go, hey, it's, you know, these folks from this basketball group. And they say, hey, are you available? We'll pay you money to go play streetball over in Indonesia and some other countries. And it's going to be a lot of fun. Oh, and by the way, your teammate is going to be Allen Iverson. And so if you don't know who Allen Iverson is, he is one of the most famous and talented and successful NBA basketball players in the world. And the significance of him for me was he was my hero. I had his poster on my wall. I practiced his killer crossover. Like, this was like— this was a dream come true. And so I went and I got to have this amazing experience and have lots of funny stories from the— the time there. But what happened is kids would line up for like what seemed like miles after these games to come and take pictures with us and, and kind of try to talk to you even though you don't speak the same language. And it was a really cool experience everywhere we went. And then we went to my hometown and, and Allen Iverson wasn't a part of that experience, but the similar group of, of people and the kids lined up afterwards and I go, huh, why am I getting emotional about these kids coming in, lining up after this game? And it was because I knew their families. I knew their, their parents. I knew their older brothers and sisters. They're people that I went to school with. And I, I really just saw in this moment this light bulb opportunity. I call it my light bulb moment of I can do more than just entertain with the basketball. I could share my underdog story. I could write a book. I could begin speaking and I could have a deeper impact on their lives. And I wrote all these things down on my phone, and I made— slowly but surely, I made all of them happen. I, I started speaking. I, I wrote and published books. And then the, the focus now outside of those things was— the frustration was, I go— I, I know a school I went to, and I remember specifically the kids at Marine View Middle School, not far from, from where you're at there. And the kids line up, and they're— tears in their eyes, and they're talking about I lost my dad to suicide, and then 6 months later, my uncle to cancer. And these kids come up and they share these unbelievable, terrible, unfortunate, out-of-their-hands situations. And other kids come up really excited and they want to change this or that about their life. But after I leave, because I go to the next town or I go home, only so many of them actually have the tools to follow through. So that's what the programs are that we're doing with schools and that parents can buy into for their kids, where we actually coach them. All right, you wanna Go to college, to that Ivy League school and get a scholarship. All right, let's work on that. We're going to help you do those things. And so whatever their goal is, that passion that we're talking about, we help them figure out and kind of reverse engineer the game plan to get there. And it's so much fun. And the big thing we hear from parents is, you know, a lot of things that you're saying are the same things that we're saying, but just because it's not us saying it, it is received differently. So a lot of people, it's like, oh man, it kind of justifies, you know, they're like, yes, see, that's what I've been saying too, and that kind of thing. And I'm guilty of that same thing with my parents too. I'll hear it from someone else and, and be like, oh, it's amazing advice, and call my mom, and she goes, I've been telling you that your whole life, you, you dummy, so, so get it together.

Oh my gosh, I resonated totally with that. And it sounds like you found your, your obsession in helping these teens find their obsession So maybe what are the biggest mistakes that you've seen? What are the biggest challenges in this world?

Well, from a parenting perspective, I think the biggest mistake that kids are making, it's, it's a little bit, it is their fault and they need to take responsibility, right? As we all do. But it's also a little bit from what's going on with the parenting. And the thing that I am absolutely obsessed right now is kids and just people's relationships with their phone. In social media. And the reason it has become my obsession is because I'm talking to thousands of kids each month in person, and then tons of parents in addition to that, and I'm hearing the same things over and over again. So what is that relationship with your phone going to be? And so to, to look at it from a parenting perspective, the mistake that I see that a lot of parents— and the hard time that they're having is when it comes to these different things, they love their kids so much, they want them to go to that school and they want them to be college ready, that they're coddling them more often than not. And it's the right intention. It's from a place of love. They don't like seeing their kid struggle, not doing well in school, having a hard time making good friends that they can have meaningful relationships with. And as a result of that, they'll go to put that bubble wrap around them and protect them. But if you're listening to this right now and you are a parent, your job is to prepare your teenager for the road ahead and not to run ahead of them and prepare the road for them by clearing off the debris and the speed bumps and all those things. They need that toughness and they need that grit. And the only way they can develop that is through dealing with some type of adversity. So it's good for them to not make that team. It's good for them to have a squabble with a bully. It's good for them to fail. Within reason, of course. Every situation is different and I'm generalizing, but it's good for them. And if you look back on your life, I would bet some of the most difficult things that you've been through are in the big picture, the best thing that ever happened to you, because they showed you that you could fail and, and it's not the end of the world and you could get through that tough breakup when that person broke your heart and you can go through these things. And not only do they make you better, but they allow you to be a person that helps other people. And that's another thing. We're so focused on getting help for ourselves, especially with the internet. It's like, hey, you know, I have this, this, and this problem and disorder, and I've diagnosed myself. And we need to go from people who need help to people who help other people.

Mm-hmm. So while you were thinking about that, I coach, you know, teenagers all day long. They're my people, my favorite people. And I will often use the term fail forward.

Love it.

Because every time I failed, it has propelled me forward. And it's helped me be the first generation to go to college. It's helped me to get my son into Harvard and graduate debt-free. Every time it was a big challenge or a potential ouch, there was always something amazing. And so I often will tell students, it's okay to fail. And they're like, but that's not what I'm being told anywhere else. And I said, okay, I get that. If you have no failures, when you come up to the question that says, tell me about a time that you failed and how did you handle it, you're not going to be able to answer any of that on that college essay, and they're not going to get to know how tenacious and determined and focused and brilliant you are. It's okay. So I love that you talk about that. And I think that comes from being an athlete. I was a scholar athlete as well as my children. And I think you, at some point as an athlete, you fail.

I mean, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Big time.

It's a very normal part of, I mean, nowadays they all get a trophy, but before that we, we had that cycle of you were first place, you were last place. You're gonna be okay. So let's talk about some of the best advice you can give families.

Yeah, I love that. And I want to go off something you said. I was talking to a family last week, and the girl loves to sing, but they were sad because she stopped singing. And the reason that she chose to stop singing was because she listened to Taylor Swift, and she doesn't think that she'll ever be good enough. So here she is, this poor teenage girl who has a gift, but she's comparing herself to not only one of talented, but one of the most famous people in the world. And we have this unrealistic barometer of what is a realistic expectation for ourselves because we're looking at social media and the internet and everyone else's highlight reel. And so it just breaks my heart when people are like afraid to fail. I just did a, a podcast episode we just put out with a friend of mine who's also an Orange County guy, and he went from in 7 years he built a $37 million empire in the insurance industry. And from the outside, he's got the best suits you've ever seen. He's, he's killing it financially. He's got an awesome wife and family. But as you get under the surface, the reality for almost everyone is it's failure after failure after failure. And he said that exact same thing that you just said to me. He's like, yeah, like you're just seeing the couple of things that you know about me in this time of my life. But if I told you all the things It's way more failures and embarrassments, and that's something that we need to embrace, right? As parents, as adults, as teenagers, it's hard, all of these things. But every time you fail, like as you say, fail forward, you're stumbling forward and you're a little bit further ahead than where you started. You're getting that much closer to success or the yes that can change your life depending on the industry and what you're trying to do with your life. So if I was going to throw some advice that fit with this, it would be go for it and care less about what what other people think about you. And teenagers, especially at that age, the funny thing is most people are going around worrying about what you're thinking about them. So everyone's kind of in this self little narcissistic loop worrying about, oh, my shirt or that pimple that I have. And it's like, they're too busy worrying about what you're thinking about them. So go and chase the thing that you want and fill up your cup.

Ah, such great advice. You know, teenagers, it is a little bit harder. Back in the day, we would pass a note and hope that hopefully the teacher didn't intercept it, right? You post something on social media, somebody screenshots it, and it can change your life. And so helping teenagers be their very best version of themselves is part of our program called See Our Future Now. And that's what we're helping them to do is it is okay to not know, but if you're not doing work on yourself to help you figure out what am I good at? What do I want to do? What are my gifts and my talents? So you talked a little bit about serving. We're very big proponents in College Ready. We've built 3 schools in Uganda. We're taking care of an orphanage in Oaxaca. Why? It's not because I, I'm pushing them to do it. I'm helping them to see what do you love to do? What can you change in somebody else's life And what are you going to learn about yourself? So maybe you can speak on that as well.

Yeah, I love what you guys are doing with that. For almost any question or looking for advice a parent has, I can pretty much say one answer and it'll apply to almost every situation, and it's what you just said. Go and have them do something for someone else. Do something of service, whether it's the, you know, the stereotypical go volunteer at a soup kitchen or, or feed homeless people, or find people that are struggling with something similar that struggling with. Be— reach out to the kid who doesn't have friends, invite them to sit with you at lunch. And the reason is, it's that whole thing of, I'm not someone who needs help, I'm someone that helps other people. It's that mindset. And then you find when you go and you are around other people that are having a tough time, you look at your situation and you become a lot more grateful, and you realize, wow, those people would give anything to be in my situation and have my problems, right? Big or small, going to another country and doing something like that is, is a big thing, but there's there can be even small things that completely change your perspective. And I think the hack and the cheat code is it makes you feel so good. There isn't anything like— I, I guarantee you feel this in what you do, and that's part of why you're charged up and love what you do, is you get feedback from the parents, you get feedback from the kids, you hear how it changed and transformed their lives with the work that you're doing. And you can't put any amount of price tag on that. You know, we all need money to survive, but to do something where you feel it's bigger than yourself it, it's this level of fulfillment. And Tony Robbins, to quote him, I love this one, but it's, "Success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure." And so you got to find that thing that's bigger than you, that's pouring into other people, that will fulfill and, and fill up your soul. And, um, that's why for any kid going through any type of situation, and, you know, in this situation they can use it for a great, uh, college essay too.

Right. So I have my mom hat on, right? Mom of 4. And I'm thinking, how do I know if I need you? How do I know if my child— who do you help? How do you help them? Like, what is that bridge to— maybe my teen has attitude issues, or maybe they're just a teenager. I love teenagers, so I've never met one I don't like, but a typical parent may not have the same, you know, focus I do on helping teens. How would you know if you— if I needed somebody like you, and what would you do with my kid?

Yeah, great question. So I think that's something that every parent has kind of a gut instinct of what's going on with their kid. And I think it's important to listen to that no matter what you're looking for help or advice in your life, whether it's your physical health, whether it's your career, If you go to one person and you just take everything they say, I would warn you against that person. I think you need to be the CEO of your own life and you need to kind of dabble and then make the decision because every person who has their own thing wants to— hey, I have a neck thing right now. So the stem cells people say I need stem cells. The traditional doctors say I need surgery. Other people say you need medication. So you kind of have to look at all the available options in your unique situation and make the best decision. But every Every person can benefit from a mentor in any area of their life. And I believe that it takes a village to raise a child. And exactly what we talked about when it comes to sometimes they don't want to hear it from mom and dad, I would say most teenagers don't want to hear it from mom and dad. So if people are interested in what we're doing, they can go to theattitudeadvantage.com/welcome. We have a podcast, we have a free Facebook group. They can check out the information and book a call. They can bring our stuff to their school. So like I'm saying, you can dabble, get your feet wet, and see, hey, is this fit for me? And really, the secret sauce for us, and I'm sure this is relatable for you and what you're doing, is we're going to make this experience fun. So kids don't always want to go to the therapist or the licensed psychologist. Unfortunately, there can still be a stigma around that. But as coaches, hey, here's someone who has a relatable underdog story that you can relate to. Oh, he's into this thing, he's going to share and be open and vulnerable. And I think that little piece, being open and vulnerable, gets the kids to meet you halfway. And they open up to us about things that even parents that have really amazing relationships with their kids don't have any idea that's going on. And so it's, it's a really powerful thing, and they can come check it out. And, and, uh, that, that's what I had to say about that.

So I, I'm loving this. Um, I, I don't know if out of 4 kids, I just got really fortunate. I mean, honestly, I didn't have attitude with any of them. And I'll be somewhere and I'll hear a parent say, oh, if they roll their eyes at me one more time, or if they give me attitude, or— can that really be changed? I just thought maybe I got lucky and just didn't have those.

I think the biggest thing that you can change is how you respond to it. And when you do that, it really starts at you. The, the best piece of thing I can leave with anyone listening to this right now is if you want to change your kid's life, change by changing your own life. Start with yourself, because they are watching and patterning the things that you're doing, whether you realize it or not. And so many parents, you know, we're all guilty of saying, you know, do as I say, not as I do, right? But that That is just not how it works. And so if you can realize that, and in that particular situation, and if you can realize this isn't about me, and not to take it personally, and not to react in the moment, then that will make a big difference when it comes to dealing with that lack of respect and, and the— what can be a kind of a normal bad teenage attitude in a phase that a lot of kids can go through. So starting with yourself is the key to a lot of that. Living it in your own life.

Yeah, I often have been, um, quoted saying to parents, even if you put your cell phone inside a magazine and your toddler sees you reading a magazine and not on your phone, the littlest thing like that may teach them the love of reading. So if, if we as parents live out our mission, our vision for our family. What I'm hearing you say, and I want to clarify, is they will reciprocate.

I would argue that the reason why your kids have had a really good attitude and you haven't had these, uh, bumping heads type of situations as much is because you have a really good attitude.

Ah, interesting. I didn't pay him to say that, I promise.

Listen, yeah, I did not talk later.

Yeah, exactly.

A year later.

So once again, if a family is like, you know, I'm just not really happy with what's going on at home, what would be the best way for them to contact you?

Yeah, I would send them to that www.theattitudeadvantage.com/welcome, and it literally has everything that you could want to check out, and they can kind of choose their own adventure of what they want to look at and take it from there.

Wonderful. Thank you so much, Jesse, for being on the show. And parents, if your teen is not college ready and they should be college ready, maybe it's time to call Jesse. Thank you so much for being on the show.

This was awesome. Thank you for having me.