Teaching Teens the Tools for Self-Awareness and Resilience with Shellee Howard and Raphael McMaster

Parents, is your teen college ready? This is Shellee Howard, the founder and CEO of College Ready, and today I have a wonderful guest I cannot wait to share with you, Mr. Rafael McMaster. Welcome to the show.

Hi, Shellee, how you doing today?

Outstanding. Well, can you tell our listeners a little bit about your background and You know, what are we going to talk about today? I think it'd be helpful for them.

Sure, absolutely. You know, creativity has given me this amazing career where I've traveled the world shooting photography. I've designed snowboards. I've launched clothing brands with talent and superstars that you might know. And I left all of that behind 10 years ago in an effort and a mission of service to try and give to this next generation the best of all of everything I've ever learned. And at the time, it was primarily focused on creativity. But due to the pandemic and me and myself getting into sobriety, a set of tools that I've co-created with other psychologists and therapists and thought leaders, authors, heads of health organizations, you know, and it can come from anywhere. Wisdom can come from everywhere. Well, created a nonprofit that has taken these tools and built a toolkit that we are teaching to dozens, hundreds, I guess technically thousands of youth now that we're over 1,000 here locally in South Bay with amazing results, amazing impact, amazing efficacy of learning these tools for self-control and emotional resiliency that are learnable and digestible and metabolizable with this youngest generation, spoken in a language that's resonant with their generation because it was co-created with them over the last 5 years.

Wow. Okay, parents, this is going to be good. So my first question or thought as a parent of 4 is, do you have to be artistic to be able to benefit from what you offer?

No, no, not at all. And it's a great question. It's a question we get asked often. Now, a lot of students, a lot of kids, they have sports and and sports are amazing. Sports are a great way to get myself present and my soul in my body. That was my pathway of sports. But for those that don't have sports, well then another way to get into this place of soulful presence and be in my power is creativity and art. It doesn't need to be drawing. It could be anything from gardening to cooking to, you know, there's so many different forms of creating now. When we embarked on this mission, we began teaching these tools as the creative wisdom tools, somewhat inferring that art and creativity was part of the process. And at the time, we really focused on teaching it through creativity and art. But with the impact we've had, the lives that we're seeing, and the transformations that are right in front of us, we realize it's in our best interest to ensure that all people feel welcome to pick up this toolkit. So there's a book that just got published. We just— we published it on Tuesday, right? And so it is fresh off the press. And I have a prototype copy here of the Fundamental Life Tools, right? So, it's a toolkit of 7 tools that together make a fundamental toolkit for self-empowerment, emotional resiliency, self-control, and a toolkit that, boy, if I had been taught this as a high schooler or in school or in college, well, then there's a good chance that my path would not have turned into a path where I needed to find sobriety and recovery at age 35.

Wow. A toolbox. Wouldn't that be great? It's kind of like the instruction book on how to deal with these certain challenges, right? Being a teenager, I don't know, parents, if you can remember back, I don't remember it being all easy. I remember there were some challenges. There was a lot of emotional stuff going on. And I think that any toolkit could be helpful. But why this toolkit? What, what is it about this toolkit that you're offering will help a student to be better than if they had never seen it?

Sure, sure. Well, any toolkit that gives me the capacity to functionally overcome whatever it is that's being, you know, the, the entire, uh, maelstrom of maladies that are coming at these teenagers. You said something about, boy, I remember being a teenager and it was hard. I think being a teenager has been hard for every teenager ever. Like, in part because their, their hormones and perception and all these things. And I do not envy someone growing up as a teen right now. My goodness gracious, right? To, to be inheriting this world where screen addiction and porn and, uh, medication, ADD, uh, fentanyl, I mean, you name the list of things that they contend with, I think is, um, I know being an adult in these modern times is more challenging because of screens, because of all the, the overstimulation and the amount of things coming from so many directions and the speed that the world is moving at. So I think these tools are great for anyone, and the way I know that they're great for anyone is, well, it started with teaching these to adults. Really what happened is, you know, being in recovery and being in a program, we realized that there was a fundamental toolkit that for me is the cornerstone of the men that I sponsor and is a cornerstone of their sobriety. And boy, if this toolkit can help transform someone and create a psychological rearrangement so that they have a new look on life and respond and react to things in a totally different way, if it can transform a 55-year-old alcoholic cocaine addict to someone who is sober and who's friends say, "Wow, they're like a different person," then boy, oh boy, it sure can help with an 8th grader with math stress. That was our hypothesis. And it turns out it's true. There's fundamental tools that are supportive for everything that all of us go through together in life because there are universal principles and universal challenges and struggles that we'll all face. As humans walking this path. These tools are what a group of us working, you know, there's hundreds of tools that are great. There's at least a couple dozen that are like primo that I use every day. But if we're only allowed to have 7, we chose 7 for a reason. If we're only allowed to have 7, what would they be? And it really forces us to edit it down and make the 7 most potent and impactful that we could put together. As a toolkit to serve this next generation and to serve everyone. You know, these tools are universal for all humans. And my heart really goes out to, you know, a kid growing up and having pandemic and this and a screen right in the middle of their adolescence. They're going to need all the help they can get. And I think it's an all hands on deck approach. And everyone in the community plays a different role. I know that these tools can play their role in support.

So I'm thinking, what age group or type of student would these be best? I know they can work with everyone. That's, that's what I'm trying to find out here. But if, say, I'm working with one of my students and I just know that maybe they're struggling a little bit or that they have shared some stuff that you know, no teenager should have to go through, but they have. How would I know that this would be something beneficial for that type of person?

Well, are they suffering?

It sounds like they are.

Then it'd be beneficial.

Okay, so any— anybody who's suffering, beneficial. So maybe you can give myself and the listeners an example of a teenager who you personally had an opportunity to watch go through this, and, you know, going into it they were this, coming out of it they were this, I think would be helpful.

Sure. And, and maybe if I could take a step back and maybe to illuminate some of the tools themselves.

Yeah, that'd be great.

Bring some clarity about what we're speaking about, right? So the 7 tools are this. The first tool we call the tool of awareness. Just to be aware that I've got voices and thoughts in my head and aware that I am not those voices and thoughts. I'm the one having those thoughts. I'm the one observing my thoughts, and thus I have the ability to change my thoughts. And teaching students, anyone, teaching anyone to be able to be the aware observer of their thoughts, that is the practice that's at the core of mindfulness. And it's the core of Eckhart Tolle. So really what we're doing is say, let's take Eckhart Tolle and make it really relatable and telegraphic to a 12-year-old. That's what we're doing here. We're taking Joe Dispenza, Eckhart Tolle, you know, great thinkers and leaders in the space of consciousness, and Brené Brown, and taking their message and making it easy for a 12-year-old to relate to it, right? So awareness is, is the core number one tool to be the conscious, aware observer of my thoughts and understanding that thoughts are programs. If I just say to myself, oh man, I hate, I hate math homework. All right. I am now running a program that I hate math homework program by which everything I see and perceive is going to be experienced through that lens. It's not just a thought, it's a program, it's coding. And so next time one of our students hears in their head, oh, because we talk about this every day in our program, oh, I hate math homework. Okay, are you that thought? No. Who are you? The one watching it. You know, whole class, 20, 30 Gen Z youth in, in our creative laboratory every day after school. Um, and if you're the one watching it, well, then you can change it. So to the students, what would you say instead of— once your brain says, I hate math, what would you say back? I would say, I'm grateful I have a free education. I'm grateful I have a math teacher who cares about me. I don't love homework, but I like growing and I want to go to college. And so this helps me. Okay, now let me sit down and do my homework. And when they do that, then it won't make the math homework go away. But if it can quote unquote make the math homework suck 20% less that night, Is it worth it? Absolutely. So that relieves a lot of the inner tension, teaching youth to be able to observe and then change their thought forms. This is at the heart of what we're teaching, of what we're teaching, and this is at the heart of consciousness. So that's the first tool, awareness. Second tool, acceptance. Accepting everything as it is. It is what it is. I can be angry and frustrated and upset about it, or I can surrender and say, that was the grade I got. I can't change that. No amount of complaining or self-frustration or guilt or any of that can change that. What can I go change? Let me go study for the next test. So it's about having a clear understanding of what is ours to own, what is ours to control, and what is ours to say, that's outside of my hula hoop. Oh, there's a bully. Okay, this is something we deal with a lot. Acceptance with the bully isn't saying it's okay for people to bully me. It's saying I accept that person is outside of my control. And as long as I'm frustrated, irritated, upset because I can't control them, then I'll be the one suffering. Let me accept their behavior as it is so I don't add additional suffering to it. Let me go tell the proper authorities in the right channel so I can get support in this., right? So, um, so acceptance is the second tool. Third tool we teach, intention. Very, very Joe Dispenza, very how to have a visualization, turn that visualization into a 3D, um, holographic vision movie where then you fuse it with heart energy and feeling that it's coming true. And we teach this visualization exercise and we have so many students who have, you know, manifested or visualized or however you wanna call it, you know, getting into certain schools or This one freshman wanted to make the varsity team as a freshman at water polo, which had never been done at Redondo Union, and he did it. But 9 months prior, 3 months prior, he was in our classroom as an 8th grader at the time doing these visualization exercises. Now, is that the single determining factor? Who knows? But a person who knows exactly what they want has a much better chance of getting what they want because they know what they're shooting for. It's a lot harder to hit the bullseye of what I want if I don't know what I'm shooting for. So training these youth to have a crystal clear vision of what their intention is and helping them know that they don't need to have instructions on how to get there. They just need to know what the vision is, what they can do about it today. A lot of people give up on their hopes, dreams, or visions 'cause they're like, "I don't know how to get there. I can't do it." You say, "Oh, you don't need to know that. All I need to know is my north star is over there.", and I'm just gonna keep walking towards that North Star. This is very, very powerful to teach youth early on. The fourth tool we teach, gratitude, and we teach it like this, cuz if you can imagine you go to high school or you say, hey, I wanna teach you about gratitude. They're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I already know about gratitude. I already know everything. But we teach it as G-flipping, which means flipping a lens of gratitude. I hate math homework. I'm grateful I have a free education. See what I'm saying? I got in this car wreck. My parents are gonna be so mad. I'm grateful that nobody was hurt and that I didn't, I didn't get hurt and that I have insurance. Teaching them to quickly flip a lens of gratitude, which speeds up their bounce back when they have to deal through adversity. And it's a tool for resilience for them to be able to transform their mindset while right in the midst of something that's undesirable or frustrating. Fifth tool, compassion, all the tiknat han and all the things of compassion. Sixth tool, forgiveness and resentment. How to let go of our pain and hurt when we feel someone has wronged us. How to have a practice to be able to let go of these and realizing that my forgiveness for the other person doesn't need to involve them. This is an inner practice, an inner process. All things— I see you're shaking your head— all things we learn as adults as we go along the way. Right? I didn't learn any of this stuff till I was like 35, and I made it all the way through college. Right? Yeah. None of this stuff was laid at my feet. But once it was laid at my feet, then the ball was in my court for my own self-development. But I can't wrong someone who's never had this message of awareness laid at their feet. How would they know? Right. Right? And that's part of like the heart of this mission that we're on, in that if you got a 12-year-old kid in Iowa and they're suffering because they're— they don't know, they think everything their brain says, that's them, that's their opinion. And their brain's saying some terrible things, so they're like, oh my gosh, I'm scary in there, I'm a scary person, I'm a monster. This is a very real scenario. They're believing everything they're thinking because no one's told them how to be the observer of their thoughts. They think everything they're thinking is them. And I know because that's what I experienced firsthand until I woke up at 35. Mm. So, and then the last— there's— or you can go in, or I have one more tool.

No, you're good. I'm just saying that's so powerful.

What a gift. It's good, right? And the 7th tool is connection, right? And whenever I'm suffering or struggling, I'm usually in isolation. Making up stories in my head that are making me feel even more overwhelmed, giving me more anxiety. The opposite of isolation is connection. And we all know it, we all know it beyond words. When we're with someone, man, there's a vibe there, right? It's a special thing. But then there's also connecting to myself, connecting to my own soul. And what are my practices for that? And then there's connecting to nature. And beauty. We have a saying at our place that love, love is an energy. Love is the energy of experiencing beauty. That's why I can feel love for a sunset, a person, a dog, and an art piece, and it's all still love. And then the last part of that is connection to a higher power of your own understanding. Sure. This is about as powerful as it gets. And we're the ones who get to see this really, really cool ages 8 to 23, having this conversation about what is it that you feel controls or governs the universe. What an amazing conversation. And they don't know my opinion on it, which is key. This isn't about believing what I believe, it's about reflecting about what all of they believe so they can begin to have the sovereign opportunity to develop for themselves their belief system and intrinsically how to connect to that power. And when we ask this question, we just start putting their the responses onto the whiteboard. God, higher power, Mother Earth, Father Sky, divine consciousness, source, karma, cause and effect, love, the laws of science. So then you have the logical, rational youth say, I don't know if I believe in God, but I believe in science. Okay, well then what made science? What's science made of? And ultimately, there's this, you know, Well, there's a fabric of the universe. There's a pattern that belies it, that there is some sort of intelligence in, is where the conversation goes to. And then I say, cool, you're invited to have that be your higher power of your understanding for now. And even in that scientific understanding of the concept, they're able to begin drawing strength and power by connecting to it. But it's being invited to connect to that, even if it's not a traditional God or something else. That invitation is so important because a lot of kids think, well, my family's not religious, I don't know if I believe in God, I guess it's not for me. But maybe it's about redefining in a way that it does work for them because there is such a tremendous amount of support, power, faith, and grace that comes from that connection.

Mm-hmm. Wow. So parents, as you're listening to this, I don't know about you, but I was going through my mind of all 4 of my kids and I'm like, hmm, which one or all would have benefited from this? I call it a self-realization of who they are, what matters to them, their thoughts, their actions, getting clear about themself, which unless a parent does it, I don't know if they have any support at all in this area.

Learning to self-reflect. Yeah. Where is that taught? Maybe some English classes, but I think you get what I'm going at. A daily process of self-reflecting. To check in on how they're doing on these 7 tools in the sense of self-awareness. Well, unless someone is taught how to do that, I don't think it naturally just happens, particularly if they've got a phone and TikTok in their hands.

Yeah. Oh, don't even get me started. Sorry, I said that word, the T word. No, it's all good. It's all good. So as we think about the power of, um, sharing this information with a middle school, high school, young adult, the opportunity for growth is so massive. And I know we can sit here and be disappointed that they don't teach it anywhere, but I like to look at things very optimistically, parents. And now you've met somebody who can absolutely— I call turn the thought upside down— of that negative self-talk. Um, I have the opportunity to work with hundreds of teenagers. That's a beautiful thing. And I get the ones who— wow, you can't hold them back. They are so, so, so big. And then you have others who are truly struggling with just self-identity. So if you are, you know, a parent and you're thinking, wow, this would really— maybe I'm a student who's sad or angry or, you know, um, in a situation where they're not their best self, what would this look like, uh, for a, a parent reaches out to you, what might they encounter?

Sure, great question. So you can take a step back and give the context, the arc of where our nonprofit is in our development. We've been around for 9 years now. Indivisible Arts. So, if you're more interested in that, it's indivisiblearts.org. And the book itself, like we said, just got published. And so, you can look it up through Amazon, The Fundamental Life Tools. And so, those elements are now firm and in place as well as we are finishing up a school year of teaching this as California State accepted high school curriculum. So we're taking— we took a group of high schoolers through the school year and the year prior, and in years— this year as well, we've taught it as California State accepted art credits, learning these tools through English, through the arts. But English is terrific. So I'm in there every Monday morning teaching it as their English teacher. Then they have another English teacher I pair with that then grades it and all the things. So then they leave the year knowing these tools. This summer, we are transforming our creative laboratory, which is called Reson, into the Emerging Consciousness Broadcast Center, the ECBC. Think the Khan Academy, but instead of teaching math, it's teaching mental and emotional health tools. And instead of me teaching it, it's other teens teaching it to other teens. And so we've amassed dozens of teens that know these tools so well that they could do their own masterclasses on them. Right? And so now they're going through and explaining, here's how I overcame, you know, college admissions fatigue and stress through using awareness, acceptance, and gratitude. Here's how it goes. Teaching the life hacks of how they overcame all the different things that teens have their experience of suffering with, or even middle schoolers, taught by other kids that look like them. And so that's launching this summer. And so as well in the summer, we are beginning our march towards our goal of 1 million conscious youth. And what we mean by conscious is someone who understands this tool of awareness that they are the aware observer of their thoughts, they're not their thoughts, and someone who practices that to any level. None of us are conscious all the time. I know, I teach this stuff, I wrote a book on it, and yet I backslide daily. Into being overwhelmed and immersed with my thoughts and forgetting that that's not me. So I just, I'm agreeing with whatever my brain's saying at me. And so that's our definition of conscious. So we're shooting for a million. We will get to a million conscious youth over the next 5 years. And can you imagine how different the world can be when there is this volunteer service army of a million heart-centered conscious youth that we can then activate in the name of programs for social uplift. So that's where this is going. So if our story has a 25-chapter arc to it, we're ending chapter 4 and beginning on the next one. So someone looking to interface with us at this juncture will see a little bit of the caterpillar just turning into a butterfly. There will be a point where we're able to, and the current version of the Emerging Consciousness Broadcast Center which will be launched on May 17th. We published a book, we're publishing an online platform, and publishing 3 songs from young writers, all for our fundraiser, which is on May 17th. And so depending when this comes out, if there's still any time and you hear this, May 17th is still available and you want to support what we do, then if you go to indivisiblearts.org, and you'll see everything about our fundraiser, the State of the Art. You don't have to buy tickets in order to be able to auction all the amazing art. We've got artwork from Shepard Fairey and all these amazing artists that are all, you know, into this cause and into our organization. So that's one way to support. And then continue to watch this space knowing that this Consciousness platform will launch on May 17th, and it'll continue to get better. Any, any teen After its launch, we'll be able to go there, learn the 7 tools from me on 7 different like 8-minute tutorials. And then equally, they can go to an entirely other section, which is user-generated from teens. Obviously, at the starting point, we'll start with maybe 25 videos with the hope of having, I think our goal is 250 videos by the end of summer. So we're going to become this this broadcast center. If there's a conscious teen out there who's a conscious leader and wants to get involved in this movement, well, this is a fantastic way to get 501 nonprofit volunteer hours teaching consciousness through creating videos. And that's how this thing is going to spread. People coming, learning the tools, passing the certification, and then being empowered to shoot videos on their own wherever they are. Humans helping other humans. Is something that will always feel innately and intuitively and instinctively right as rain. And when we put these tools in these kids' hands, it warms the heart to know that their first inclination and intuition is to say, how can I teach this to somebody else?

Beautiful. Yeah, at College Ready, we have an interesting program that goes hand in hand with that. And that is my mission and my belief is that Every teenager should serve another human being before they graduate from high school. And so in our program, we encourage a minimum of 200 hours in something they're passionate about, something with purpose, and something they advocate for, which raises their awareness to help them understand themselves and others in society so much better. So I— that's why I reached out to have you as a guest, as I saw so much synergy with what these amazing students are doing, student-led organization. And so I look forward to learning more about what it is that you offer and how we can get that into our children's, um, classrooms and just really encourage these families to help their child grow in that area. That's right.

I love that. Yes, let's get involved together. We have amazing opportunities. And like I said, there's still a bit of more structure to be built over the next 2 months, but once we do, then we'll have a really easy way to interface with high schoolers. They can learn the tools, they can create videos, they can start their own chapters on their own schools. We're building out— well, by, by back to school, we'll have kits that they can get so they can begin to start their own chapter there on their own campus.

Outstanding. Well, let me tell you what an enlightening, beautiful thing that you're doing and way to take something that wasn't your proudest moment into something that's incredibly powerful. So thank you so much for being on the show. And is there any last, uh, thing that you would want to share with our listeners?

You know, we say often at Indivisible Arts that art is the language of the soul. The full saying is thoughts are the language of the mind, emotions are the language of the body, and art is the language of the soul. My invitation to the listeners is this: I can wash the dishes in an artful way. I can walk my dog in an artful way. Any act I do, when I do it with repetition, practice, skill, focus, a little bit of creativity, can become an art form. And if art is the language of the soul, then when I'm doing art, that means my soul is present. And that's how I get my soul present amidst the mundane of things. By turning it into a creative art form, no matter what it could be— writing an email. If I'm going to write this email in a creative, artful way where I'm focused and I'm present and I can feel a little bit of soulfulness, now I'm inviting more soul into my life. And I say this because the AI of things is so big, but the one thing it will never be able to reduplicate is humans helping other humans and the power of the human soul.

Absolutely. Well, thank you so much for being a guest on our show. And parents, until next time, think about your children. Think about, are they ready? Are they college ready? Are they ready for life? Thank you so much and have a wonderful afternoon. Bye.