Testimonial from a College Ready student’s parent Hear what she has to say about how College Ready

I think what's really helpful is, one, you, you and I talked about this from the very beginning, you're not me. Sure, having me say the same things that you say doesn't seem to work as well as if you guys are saying it. And, and I think that the, the ability for you to really help him uncover what are the things he's looking in for into a school, so that he expanded the, the definition from this one dream school and started to see what other schools can meet the same requirements, helped him apply to a better, um, variety of schools. And then he did get into quite a few, which was, which was also very nice. Um, some things that he got into, I don't think he would have got into as well if we didn't have like all your guidance from basically 9th grade wouldn't have known about the, um, Congressional Medal. And I think that really helped, and the Passion Project and all of those things really set him up for this from the very beginning. So I think he got into a lot more, which is also nice because then you have choices. Um, and of course he was in a COVID year where it was really challenging to actually go see any of the schools, couldn't really tour, you had to kind of do online tours. But when he finally got accepted, and, um, and when he, he did get it accepted to Berkeley, but he also got accepted to UCLA. And we kept saying, you know, because it lined up with everything he wanted. And we kept saying we should go check it out. Just check it out. Because he was like, I don't know if I want to go. He checked it out and loved it. So even though there was like no one on campus, pretty much, we— he was able to just get a feel for it. We were able to find a few students who were willing to meet us, you know, with masks on and you know, thank them for their time with a tip. You know, it was just like we got super creative. But just talking to students, being there and seeing it, he said, yeah, I think this is the one for me. So it's funny because he had dreamed since like 8th grade, and it was, you know, April of his senior year that he actually changed from the dream school to this other one. And he's shared on multiple occasions to different people, and I've overheard it, why he's so happy he went to UCLA over Berkeley. So I mean, it just kind of shows that your process works, having them expand, having them really get clear on what they want, but opening up their ideas to different things, and then making any of those, um, types of schools as, as easy as you can, because obviously they have to do the work for them to be able to get in, gives them those choices. And, and I think he's really, really thrived at this school, done very, very well. Um, the transition I think was easier just from the school he went to, um, because he was in a hybrid homeschool. So, uh, funny story, because, because he was— he went to a charter school that was set up like college. So he had 4 years of practicing being in classroom 2 days a week and then doing your homework and that kind And so I remember 2 weeks in, in his freshman year, he had asked me, he's like, Mom, I think I'm doing something wrong. Like, this is so weird. I don't, I don't know what's happening. I was like, what are you talking about? He's like, no one is studying. I'm like the only one. And I, I don't know if I'm doing something wrong. I'm like, oh no, honey, they're just freshmen. And when midterms hit, they're going to all be like, I wish I would have studied in advance. And so He just came in, I think, more prepared. I don't think it was just, um, obviously his, his school having you guys help him and, and figure that kind of stuff out too. But it was nice that, uh, he— I think until his maybe the end of his sophomore year or junior year, he had straight A's in UCLA, which is amazing. But just, you know, having that discipline, helping see that this is the right fit this is where you're going to do well, helping him plug into services, getting the right people in his world, joining clubs. All of these things over time just really made him flourish there. So he still has a— I want to say like a— don't quote me on this, he'll be upset if I get it wrong— but like a 3.81 or 7 or something like that. It's still really good, but he hit a few gnarly math classes, and so that's still pretty good.

In my book, that's quite amazing. What an accomplishment. Yes. And so let's talk about the social part. So academically, he found his home, good fit, getting great grades at a great school. Like, that was awesome. Socially, what was it like for him in that transition?

I think that the— a couple of things that I, um, would say and do say to to other parents, um, because a lot of people are like, oh my gosh, you know, how do you get a kid to do well? And first of all, you have a kid who wants to do well. That really, really helps. Yes. But I think one of the biggest things is that they have to find their people, you know, and that's kind of what we kept pushing them is like, you gotta find your people. It may or may not be your roommates, but that's part of why we encourage them like check out clubs, go find something, you know, or find people. It's hard when you're a freshman to find people in your major because you're doing a lot of GEs. Mm-hmm. Um, but that's what we kept pushing him for because I, I've seen it also with friends whose kids dropped out or went to a different school or came home, is they didn't find their people. You kind of have to get— have your tribe, and it doesn't have to be a lot, but, but as he found his people and that grew, he just loved school more and more. And so a couple, couple things that I think really helped with it is us pushing it, like, get yourself out there, be, you know, be a little bit aggressive, just say hi, try to join clubs where you have something in common. And, um, but one of the things that he did that actually we were told by other people, and I, I think this runs true, is that being in the dorms is helpful because you're, you know, you're around a bunch of people. But the other thing that he, that he did is, and I've heard this happen it works really, really well, is let them match you with a roommate. Don't pick a roommate. Even if you really like this person, it's your best friend, you may not live well together. And his roommate matching worked so well, and I've heard a lot of people do that. Uh, other people had said that to him, like, don't worry about it, because he was worried, I don't know anyone. And they're like, more people have great friendships with randos, as they call them, than the ones that they know, because they really do have, I mean, like Match.com for roommate type of algorithms for the universities now. Yeah.

And the hardest part is if the kids aren't genuine, just like Match.com, right? So I tell the students, be— if you're a night owl, be a night owl.

Yes.

You're messy, put, I'm really messy.

Yeah.

And so he found a great roommate, I guess.

Yeah, well, he found a couple. So the— in, um, So Good, that one of— two of them from his freshman year are living with him all the way through college. So, and one of them was, uh, that he, he lived with a couple years was an adopted roommate from their freshman year. He met him on the first weekend going to a football game, and then they hit it off ever since. So that's kind of the thing, right? Go find something you're interested in, talk to people who are already there, and they go to sports games together. So, um, so that, that worked out really well because, um, they were matched so well. And he, he is a perfect example. He does stay up late, he does play video games, he does, you know, want to study, all of these kind of things. And so all of his roommates were up late, and, you know, there was a little bit of difference on some of the cleanliness. He was probably the, the, the most, um, the one that would clean the most, if you will, but it wasn't horrible, you know. So they're— they just did a good job of kind of matching it all around. But I think that the— your behaviors, like you're saying, you really want to nail those because it's so much easier that he would stay up. And the other thing that, like, he really hit it off too, and so I recommend this, is if you're, uh, and I'll use the term as loosely as I can, gamer, um, to share that and bring your games. So the— someone brought, like, people have brought Wiis or different things and they play, or if there's certain TV shows that you watch together, like, do those things together. But what he really started getting into is they started really getting into board games and having game nights, and that was really magical, I think, too. So that's why I say expand what, you know, if they like to play and do those different things, that really brought a lot of, um, um, connection with, with roommates and other friends.

So, so let's go fast forward to where we're at right now. It's a whole nother transition, right, as you start to think, okay, talk maybe a little bit about, you know, when, when you first came to our program, he was so young and, and he was so so excited about life. And is he still excited about life? Is he still like really positive and optimistic?

Yes. Luckily that has lasted even, even like being a, you know, a COVID kid that had graduation in a different situation type of thing. I mean, he wasn't the 2020, but 2021 still had it, especially in California. But one of the things that I was thinking is that now, so the stage he's at now, he's going into his senior year of college. And the major that he has is, is, um, consulting. And so he wants to work with these really big firms. Again, you have to, it's almost like college again, like you have to be the best of the best within the best of the best schools to get these very prestigious jobs. And, and so a lot of what applied in high school applies for getting a job. So getting involved in something related to, in college you would say your job, in high school you would say what major you want, you know? So it's, a lot of the parallels, and he knew what worked then. He's done a lot of community work, um, you know, so that's also what you do with like your passion project. So there's a lot of parallels, I think, to, to that, which also made it easier knowing then like, hey, this is similar, um, type of thing, is that people look for patterns of engagement, patterns of, of passion for the same kind of thing. Um, but the other thing that I think really helps too is it's kind of minor, but as he's starting to interview with these big firms, you know, global firms, um, they are pretty impressed with his interview skills, his confidence, his ability to speak, especially on Zoom and that type of thing. And so all of those meetings, it might be like a, a little underlying piece of it, but being able to practice meeting with your folks on Zoom and being professional makes it not so uncomfortable when you're doing these interviews. You, you know how to speak to adults, you know how to, how to carry yourself. I think that's actually made a big difference, especially with his competitors, if you will, other students who don't really like this. It's kind of their first time truly talking with adults and in a professional manner of expressing what do I want, why do I want this, you know, all that help is what you guys would do all the time. I think it's now translated into a comfort level with interviewing that I didn't— I don't think is normal at this stage if you didn't go through some of the support you guys had. And then it helped when, you know, even as a freshman, he was interviewing for clubs. So he interviewed really well with different things. And I would get compliments from other people that I happened to know that he's interviewing with. They're like, wow, he is very impressive. He's professional, that kind of thing. So I think that can't be understated how important all of the different pieces prepare you to apply it to college, to now get a job.

Yeah, I think about the soft skills, right? They, they don't teach those in high school. They don't teach you how to interview or what's behind you on the wall or, you know, the little things. We would even teach how to, you know, keep your shoulders and not touch your hair and all those things. So I love that you're, you're actually seeing the, the fruits of our labor.

It's, it's so funny because if you don't realize the intention that you have, you don't see how it just carries forward. But again, I couldn't tell him that. You guys can, and then you may have them practice it, which is really powerful.

Sure. So what would you tell somebody who's trying to decide if having a college consultant is is worth the, the, uh, money and the energy that's involved. What, what's your thought on that?

Well, one of the things that scared me as a parent of an 8th grader going, I want to go to this great big wonderful school, I have no idea how to do it. And, and I will say, being in a small charter school, we were luckier than most to have a pretty dedicated counselor in the school, and it's still not enough. I mean, we did talk to them, but everything that they said wasn't nearly the depth of College Ready. It wasn't nearly the understanding, the support. They just— they're not able to. And this was in a school where we had a great ratio of a counselor to, to students. And so my thing is that you don't personally have the resources to do this, and you probably don't have the school resources. Even in a private school setting, they just don't have the ratio to really give that personalized attention, um, but also give you the confidence to know what to do. But I would also say that one of the things that's nice is we talked about is you're providing accountability that the school still won't provide. And when a parent tries to, it usually backfires on you, and then you just end up kind of hurting each other, your relationship, and their ability to focus on the right things. Um, be— because you are clearly only there to help them achieve their goals, there's something different about that relationship than sounding like, I just want you to get out of my house and get a paycheck one day, which is maybe what they're hearing from us as parents.

It's so true. Yeah, you know, I, I tell this story. I have 4, uh, children, and I paid somebody to say what I say just because I wanted them to love me and come back on Thanksgiving.

Yes, right.

And so I appreciate that very much. If you were going to give another parent advice, what would that be?

A couple, couple things I would give advice is one of the things, as I now look back, I do have a really tight relationship with Jake as an adult, uh, and I do believe it is a lot of that piece is that I outsourced some of those tension points that were really important to him and really important to us because I think that it is, it is challenging. And, um, and so one of the, one of the things I do think helped is that I wasn't involved in some of those tension-filled conversations. And what I started to do is intentionally change my relationship with him to see what kind of adult relationship do I want to have? How do I want to be heard when I do want to support? And, and so I shifted very intentionally to be more of a mentor and a guide than an advisor and a teacher. And to me, I think that the combination of being able to have someone outsourced to be that advisor and that teacher, because they do need that of whatever it is that they're doing, um, allowed me the space to be seen more as, um, as that partner in achieving what he wants, that safe space to come ask questions. You know, it really— it was very intentional about me starting even in high school to change this relationship. And, um, he feels very comfortable asking myself and my husband for advice because we are, uh, practiced. Because this is what you need to practice— not lecturing, offering advice. Don't get attached if he listens or whatever. And also just use your own network, being able to say, hey, would you like to talk to this person? Or, I found this person who might want to help you. And so that allowed for us to be again that mentor and support, not, okay, you have to listen to me because I told you so.

You know, all of this is such brilliant advice. And until you go through it, you don't see the fruits of your labor. So I just want to lean in and say congratulations. I mean, you did it. What every parent wants. Right? We, we think of it as sadness when they leave our home, but now you're at a place of, wow, we're in an amazing situation because we put in the effort, we got the right resources to make the right decisions, and you, you intentionally created a, a safe place for him that he wants to come home to. I love your story. Thank you.

I have one other advice. This was given to me, so I'll pass it down too. It's especially for, for young men. I think it's probably easier with young women, but make them FaceTime with you once a week while they're at school because they don't always remember to tell you everything. Sometimes— that's why I say young women may be a little more forthcoming with their communication. Not always, but, um, that was one thing. It forced us to just, hey, what's going on? And ask questions. What you got going on next week? And so we made that a condition of going away is like, hey, we're going to FaceTime. You could pick whatever day, but we end up talking to him on Sundays. And now he has been gone for the summer. This is the first summer he's gone with a paid internship and he still has that habit. We still check in on Sundays and it's really, really nice. And then he dropped a bomb on us. Not a bad thing, just still surprised that now that he's applying to positions, He want— I'm in San Diego, he's applying to LA, which we knew because the jobs were in LA, Orange County, and we're like, that's not too far. The bomb he dropped on us, he's also applying to Sydney, Australia. So he may start his career, which is great, I love it, but now I feel a little less weary of losing connection because we've built in some of these structures that should hold over to, okay, you know, let's just check in because we care and we love you and we want to know what's going on in your world once a week at least. So yeah, it might be a little different in a time zone.

Yeah, it still works, still works. Jen, thank you so much for sharing your family's adventure with us.

Thank you so much for making it, um, an adventure that he wanted to be on and that made it a, a challenging, stressful parent-child, um, path into something that really worked for him, worked for us, and had us be stronger through it, not break apart through it.