Stop Reacting, Start Living: How to Reclaim Your Time From Attention Thieves

You can't have a healthy relationship with an unhealthy person, someone who lacks social awareness, self awareness, emotional intelligence. They are an unhealthy person and we might even be talking about ourselves in this moment. This show is powered by others over self. Hit that subscribe button to keep training your brain. From others over self. It's hardcore and at ease. This show is about people who are keeping their edge without going over the edge. I'm host Shelly Rude. If you're working incredibly hard but never gaining traction, if your days feel like building blocks that are just scattered on the floor instead of actually building something, then this one's for you. Today we're talking about a simple three phase system, literally as easy as 1, 2, 3, that helps you figure out what type of demand is stealing your time. And I'm giving you the secret weapon for protecting your calling while keeping healthy relationships. This is hardcore and at ease. Hey there, my ambitious friend. I have a question for you. Do you feel like when you look at your calendar you are just checking off those boxes? Do you feel like you're working incredibly hard in life and yet not really gaining any traction? Does it feel like your days of these building blocks from your calendar are just being spread around in a random order instead of being used to build something? Well, here's what's actually happening every day. Demands for your attention are robbing you of your most precious gift, time itself. And those stolen moments, they're inhibiting your capacity to live out your purpose. Let's see if my Tuesday morning sounds like yours. I wake up to over 200 emails. Six of them are networking, networking event invitations. Three of them are requests to go grab coffee. And they're from people that I love and care about. My calendar is packed with client calls, team members. Fires start popping up left and right. Strategic planning is always at the forefront. And I have a family that needs me present. And somewhere inside of all of that, my own soul is grasping for air. Now, I'm a person who loves checklists and trackers. I've tried every productivity system ever invented. It seems like my calendars have everything from color coding to priority matrices. I've done time blocking. I've been through the full focus planner. You've heard me talk about that before. And you know what I discovered as I move through this process? Prioritization for people like us. It doesn't actually work because I know that I waste so much time and what I call capture mode, frantically checking these boxes because it feels so good, right? But I'm Checking these boxes, trying to prove my own value by just feeling good about having done something. But then that day passes, and we can feel very uninspired. We know that we worked hard and we accomplished tasks, but we didn't build anything. Does that sound familiar? Last week in episode 29, I talked about Gary Keller's book. The one thing. I have a copy of it right here. It's been on my nightstand since the start of the new year. Well, after that episode aired, a dear friend sent me a photo, and it was her holding up a copy of the book and smiling. And the caption said, hoping for a good read just came in. I smiled back at my phone because I knew what she was about to discover. Before you can identify your one thing, you need to first understand what's stealing your attention in the first place. And here's what I've noticed over the years. And I started this consulting business way back in 2017, nine years ago. Now, the people who are genuinely bad at what we're talking about today, being able to properly identify and place interactions with other people, well, they constantly feel misunderstood or put off, or they constantly feel like other people don't value them enough as they should. And at this point in our business, we have such incredible traction now that I feel like we're just getting started. That's exciting. And that's the feeling that I want you to have. Like, we are done spinning wheels and it is time to go. That's the sense of momentum that comes with when you finally understand how to filter out what is demanding your attention. Because if you can grasp this understanding of the three different types of attention demands, and if you can apply that throughout your day to everything that shoves itself in your face, then you've got a chance at joy. Let me tell you something deeply personal. I've had really meaningful peer relationships that. That have gone sour because the other person was jealous that I would give more of my time to my business and to my business relationships than I would to her. I really couldn't understand what was happening. I kept thinking that maybe I was doing something wrong. But then someone taught me a phrase well over a decade ago that has saved my inner sense of peace well over a thousand times. You can't have a healthy relationship with an unhealthy person, someone who lacks social awareness, self awareness, emotional intelligence. They are an unhealthy person. And we might even be talking about ourselves in this moment. Anyone who meets this description is not being held back because they're doing something wrong, but because we're actually not giving enough enough because we can't properly identify what type of interaction the person is trying to have with us. So this three phase system that we're talking about today is from the Hardcore and Addies framework. And it's your. And it's your secret weapon for protecting your joy and staying on track with your calling. If you, my ambitious friend, can commit yourself to studying and implementing this extremely simple process, 1, 2, 3. You will have a newfound sense of freedom. You will be able to have social interactions with joy. People will not drain you as much as they do right now. What we're talking about today is control. And while I can't promise that you'll have control over your entire life because that's something that can never be achieved, what we can do is be our very best in each and every moment. And pausing to ask yourself, 1, 2, or 3. Well, that simple question will allow you to be your very best. It's the difference between being reactive versus responsive. You're listening to Hardcore and at ease, and I'm your host, Shelly Rood. What I'm about to share saved my business, saved my friendships, and gave me back the joy that constant demands had stolen. Let me show you the way through. Let's start by naming what's really happening here, because if we don't get clear on the problem, then you'll keep thinking that maybe it's you. Every single day, you're facing constant demands. Emails, meetings, notifications, requests, relationships, projects, opportunities. And they all feel feel important, because in some way, they all are. But there's a battle that's happening inside of you. You feel like you're working incredibly hard but never gaining that traction. You feel guilty when you say no. You feel like you're constantly disappointing somebody. And you check off tasks and yet still feel really uninspired. Your days can feel like random building blocks scattered around instead of purposeful construction. Here's what our culture tells us. Good leaders are always available. Successful people never miss opportunities. Being busy means that you are valuable. But underneath all of that is a lie that's destroying you. Unfiltered availability equals value. It doesn't. Unfiltered availability destroys your capacity to live out your purpose. Every demand on your attention that you accept without first asking, what type of demand is this? Well, it's stealing time that you can never get back. And unlike money, unlike opportunities, and unlike relationships, time is the one resource that you absolutely cannot create more of. The takeaway here is when you don't understand the three types of attention demands. You start losing relationships with healthy people. You start doubting yourself. You start to believe that your focus on your calling is somehow selfish or wrong. And it's absolutely not. You just need to understand 1, 2, 3 the three phases. So let me teach them to you. The hardcore and at ease framework teaches the others over Self mindset. This is a philosophy in how we should be living our lives. And to teach others over self, we reverse engineer it. We start with self over others. Those are the three phases of the framework. Self is phase one. So we're going to start there. I'm not sure what your social media feed looks like, but I was overrun with memes last summer from the 2024 Paris Olympics. There was an air pistol shooting event and all of these professional shooters showed up with specialized gear, right? I'm a gear junkie. I love specialized gear. As a shooter, there's lenses out there that can help you avoid the blur. You've got other lenses you can add for better precision. There's fancy types of ear protection and stabilizing equipment. So here we are at this competitive shooting event and then this Turkish guy, Yusuf Dikek, shows up wearing regular prescription glasses, a T shirt, and his hand casually in his pocket. He looks like he is standing there waiting for a bus. And he won the silver medal. The Internet exploded. There were memes made of him in every scenario. If you're one of our YouTube, if you're one of our YouTube listeners, I'm going to put them up on the screen here so you can enjoy with me as I describe them. So in an Olympic shooting event, this guy comes in and wins the silver medal just with a pair of glasses. In this tweet, you can see pictures between what he looks like, totally casual, almost like an assassin. I'm not going to say that he is, but that's part of the joke of this, because the picture next to him shooting is what your traditional Olympic level shooter would look like. Somebody that has fancy glasses, fancy lenses, fancy ear protection. And when you see the two of them next to each other, it creates such an incredible dichotomy of how we think we should be versus just performing. So take a look at this first meme for me here. And this features two pictures. The picture on the left is the shooter that we saw at the Olympic event. It's the same picture where he just looks so casual and gets that silver medal. And then the picture on the right is a picture of the same shooter in a very casual atmosphere. And he's snuggling his cat. And it's taken from one of his social media feeds. Now, the caption at the top says, if something happens to that cat, we are about to get four movies out of this guy. If you're not familiar with John Wick and the John Wick Chronicles, then that's what this meme is referring to. John Wick is a well known assassin who has some tragedies in his life. But when his puppy is killed, that is the straw that broke the camel's back. And he ends up just completely losing using it. Which results in four incredible movies. You should go watch them. All right, this last meme that I'm going to show you is Bugs Bunny. My kids really appreciate this one. And it's Bugs Bunny, totally western style, old school, giant, 40 gallon cowboy hat, leaning with his elbows back on the bar. The picture below is the same picture of Bugs Bunny. Nothing has changed, except now he's got a pistol in the air and he's obviously shot it because there's some smoke coming out of the barrel. And at the top of that meme is the text. No one says anything. That Turkish guy at the Olympics, this appreciation of pure performance has grown its own legs and walked into a million different industries for memes. There's even a meme out there showing the shooter on the left and the shooter on the right that we saw here. Except the top caption would say something like, on the right is the professional data analyst who typically would be surrounded by dashboards and monitors, but he would be standing next to our Turkish friend who is just a CPA with an Excel spreadsheet. It's a beautiful way to show how you can have all the fancy everything or you can just perform and you can even outperform another meme showed him as a mechanic with one wrench next to somebody with with an entire tool wall. The message in every meme is the same. Everyone around him is hardcore at their craft. But it's the person who can also claim to be at ease, operating from calm, grounded confidence, who actually wins that calm, that groundedness. That is what we call phase one work. Phase one is self. It's the first two rings of the Hardcore and Addies framework. We teach our framework with a target and what you're looking at if you're one of our video listeners is the target that we use to teach. The very first ring is the bullseye. That plus the red ring, which is the next ring out is phase one. We're talking about tactical center plus ambition, alignment. It's self awareness work. Understanding who you are, what you value, how you operate. Phase one requires privacy and solo processing time. Freedom from external demands, the space to explore without needing immediate answers and permission to be uncertain, to be messy, to be unpolished. Phase one is your morning routine before anyone else is awake. It's therapy focused on your own growth. It's journal processing, reading that shapes your thinking, values clarification, understanding your own personality and design. The environment for phase one work is private by design. It happens alone or with someone who's helping you understand you. It's very vulnerable, it's exploratory, there's no performance pressure and you cannot skip phase one work. Everything else that you build will be shaky without this solid foundation. Our Turkish friend had built a foundation of deep self awareness, understanding his body, his breathing, his mental state. He knew himself so well, like Bugs Bunny, that he didn't need all the external equipment. While everyone else was adding more gear to get that edge, he focused on internal work. That's what being at ease actually means. Operating from a solid, true foundation where you know yourself so deeply that you don't need extra stuff to prove your confidence or even give you that edge. Now let me show you what happens when someone skips phase one work. Jennifer is a senior leader in healthcare system. She's a brilliant strategist and everyone wants her to work on their projects. By every external measure, she's absolutely succeeding. But Jennifer always feels like she has to be on. It's not an option because people are depending on her and this creates anxiety and it builds up internally. Without a healthy release, it starts to show in negative physical effects. Over the past year, Jennifer's body started storing protective fatty tissues. She's too young to even think about having high cholesterol, but she does because she stops at the drive through on the way home. Instead of eating clean protein, her hair has been thinning out increasingly. And this also happens to be the most stressful year of her career. When Jennifer came to me initially she said, I'm achieving everything on paper, but I feel like I'm disappearing. So I asked her, when was the last time that you had two or three hours alone without an agenda? And she was lost in thought for a while, eventually saying, I can't remember, maybe college. College was 20 years ago for her. She had gone 20 years without consistent phase one time and it's literally destroying her body. Her anxiety has nowhere else to go and it's manifesting itself as cholesterol, hair loss, poor nutrition choices. Her body is Screaming that she needs phase one work. And right now, Jennifer is trapped in capture mode, proving her value by checking those boxes, feeling productive, but ending each day feeling uninspired because she's not building anything from her center. Phase one work is permission to be a person who needs things to figure out what those things are to protect time for discovering and maintaining your own foundation. Because when people bring phase one demands, when they need to process, when they need space to think, those demands require phase one context. You can't process deep questions in 15 minute calendar blocks. You can't restore your energy while being available for everyone else's needs. How can I recharge when I have one child literally clinging to my leg, screaming to help me put a dress on her baby doll and another child in the other room asking me to come help him with his video game? Phase one work requires protection. If you can learn to recognize when someone is bringing you a phase one demand, you'll stop feeling guilty about saying, this conversation deserves better context than I can give it right now. That Olympic shooter in his T shirt with his hands so beautifully slung. Well, that's what phase one work makes possible. A calm competence that doesn't need external validation. That's what I want for you. So phase one is self awareness. All about knowing yourself. Let me tell you about phase two, which we call over. And this is understanding how that self shows up in connection with others. Phase two is over. It's the middle two rings. I'll pull my target back up here for you. So phase two is the blue resourceful action and generating momentum. This is social awareness work, understanding how your personality, your energy, your approach lands on other people. Phase two requires relationship proximity and interaction feedback, honest dialogue and flexibility to adjust your approach and willingness to influence without controlling. Phase two is networking, team dynamics, partnership building, learning how your communication style affects others, reading the room and being able to adjust your presence. The environment for phase two work happens in relationship. But you're still primarily focused on understanding your impact, your influence. And this is why personality assessments are so helpful for phase two work. I'll never forget when I worked in broadcast television, our management staff discovered which types of birds we were. I came out as a peacock with eagle tendencies and my direct supervisor was an owl. For the first time, I was able to see from an outside source why we had so much trouble working together. I came to him needing immediate answers and he would hesitate. And that used to drive me insane. But this personality assessment helped me learn how to adjust my approach so that I was able to get what I needed to be successful in this industry. Instead of jumping into his office demanding a decision, I learned to give him multiple touch points that he could consider and respond to, like an email, a note on his desk, a verbal mention during the team meeting. If someone did that to me, I would feel bombarded. But that was a communication style that he actually liked and appreciated. That's what phase two awareness looks like. Understanding that my need for quick decisions wasn't wrong and his need for processing time also wasn't wrong. We just had different operating systems. Once I understood how he processed, I could adjust my approach without changing who I am. Now, let me tell you about my old boss, Otis, and his wisdom about peas and pork chops. We've talked about this before. Maybe you'll remember this. Otis would say, every pork chop comes with peas. You pile more pork chops onto your plate and then with every pork chop comes a scoop of peas. So pretty soon all of your peas are going to be falling all over the place. Every big initiative, every pork chop comes with smaller supporting tasks and ongoing relationship management. Those are the peas. And if you're not careful, you'll be so busy managing the peas that you can't actually eat the main thing. This is phase two wisdom from good old Otis Pickett. When you commit to a networking event, that's the pork chop. And you're also committing to following up with connections and coffees and maintaining those relationships. Calendar coordination. Those are all the P's, those six networking invitations that are sitting in my email. I can't just ask, is this a valuable event? I need phase two questions. Do I have the capacity for that pork chop and all the peas that come with it? What relationships will this require me to maintain? Jennifer, our healthcare leader. Her problem isn't just that she doesn't know herself anymore. She never developed phase two skills either. She doesn't understand how her intensity lands on her team. She accepts all those invitations without understanding the full relational commitment, and so she feels exhausted. Phase two work means that understanding that influence isn't just about showing up. It's about understanding how you show up, what maintaining that presence requires, and whether you have the relational capacity for the pork chop and all its Ps. Now, before we briefly introduce phase three, I need to draw something critical. A thick black line comes between phase two and what comes next. A quick recap. We are learning the three phases of others over self. The mindset and philosophy that we teach. And to learn it, it's reverse engineered as self over others. You should Never confuse phases one and two with phase three. Phase one and phase two are all about you. Understanding yourself, understanding your impact on others, building your foundation and your influence. Phase three is fundamentally different. Phase three is when you exercise authority over others, when you move from understanding and influencing to actually directing and holding accountable. That thick black line between phases two and three protects everyone. It protects you from trying to exercise authority in developmental relationships. It protects others from feeling like they have to perform in contexts that should be safe for exploration. Phase three is different. It's not better or worse. It's different. And respecting that difference is what allows all three phases to function properly. So let me show you what phase three others actually looks like and why that line matters so deeply. The phase of others is the outer two rings. Take a look at the target here. We're looking at the black ring and the white ring. Expect excellence plus trust the process. This is where you exercise authority, set expectations that others must meet, hold accountability for outcomes that you've defined. Phase three requires positional authority, clear role definition, specific outcomes, and success criteria. It's an accountability structure that you maintain and boundaries that protect standards. Phase three is setting team standards. It's conducting performance reviews. It's making executive decisions and defining organizational culture. You can't do phase three work well without phase one and phase two foundations. Let me show you what happens when someone operates primarily in phase three without these foundations. Marcus is a contractor in the defense sector. He's a senior program manager, and he runs a $50 million portfolio. He came to me frustrated that his team wasn't executing at the level that he expected. Marcus lives out almost entirely in phase three. He's constantly setting standards. He holds people accountable. He makes the decisions. And his programs, by golly, they deliver. But Marcus hasn't done phase one in years. And I asked him, why do you value this approach? And he said, because it works. And I challenged that with, why does it matter to you whether or not it works? After some time, he simply said, I don't know. It's just how we do things. Marcus is a high performer who loves to perform, and he's never developed phase two awareness. He doesn't understand that his intensity intimidates the civilian contractors that work alongside him. He doesn't recognize that people comply to get that performance, but they also avoid bringing him problems, which is holding everybody back. So his programs definitely deliver on paper, but he also has the highest turnover rate in his division. He's exhausted because nobody proactively solves problems. They wait for him to tell them what to do. So now let's talk about Sarah. Sarah is a woman veteran who attends our peer support program and she has given us permission to share this part of her story. When she first came into a meeting, within 15 minutes of the gathering, she was trying to turn it into a strategic planning workshop. She kept interrupting women's stories as they were sharing. And she would ask, well, what's your plan of action? What are you trying to accomplish here? And these are all really good phase three questions. They're good questions in the right context, but our peer support is phase one work. Women processing experiences, building self awareness and healing. And Sarah was trying to exercise phase three authority in a phase one environment. And here's what I've noticed with so many women veterans, they're trapped in a phase three only mindset. And that was true of me also at one point in time. The military trains us beautifully in phase three, mission accomplishment, team performance, holding people accountable. But we were never given permission to do phase one work. Who am I without my rank? What do I need? Those types of questions can feel selfish and weak. And very few of us women in the military developed phase two skills because hierarchy tends to do that work on your behalf. You didn't need to understand how your energy landed. You had rank, you could say jump and they would say how high? You didn't need to build influence necessarily because you had position to lean into. So what happens when these women transition out, when we lose phase three position but haven't developed phase one or phase two foundations? Well, we try to recreate phase three everywhere. We volunteer for leadership positions, we try to fix everyone else's problems. We, we take responsibility for outcomes that we can't control and we burn out. If Sarah gives herself permission to do phase one work, figure out who she is and develop phase two skills, learning how she connects in civilian context. Then when she moves into phase three work, she's unstoppable and she's well on her way. That's why we are soft launching this phase three women veterans initiative this year. We're actually as a business, creating a separate container for phase three work. This is business coaching, career development, funding, navigation. It's the same mission to care for the needs of military women, but these different phases, these different containers, and these contexts make a significant impact. And it's all about figuring out which type of interaction we're having on a day to day basis. So in my email, I have a communication from a woman who wants to turn her Airbnb into veteran housing. She needs Phase three support. See how that works? It was hard for our team to think about the appropriate place and how to handle that conversation. I was sitting across the table from one of our workers when that email came in and I explained it to my co worker and her languaging was immediately. That's a phase three question. Yes, absolutely. That helped me give myself permission to not tackle it immediately, but instead put it into a phase three process. So now that you understand these three phases, I'm going to give you the practical tool that you can start using today to implement this change. Before accepting any demand, ask 1, 2 or 3, where is the context aligned? As I just mentioned, that woman veteran who writes, I'm going to turn my Airbnb and I want to turn my Airbnb into housing for military women. One, two or three. That that conversation is around business consulting, organizational design, it's funding strategy. Now, I received that communication into our peer support program. So the context wasn't exactly aligned. Right, because peer support is phase one and two. So knowing that this is phase three expertise and not a quick email reply, the decision that I was able to make is that that communication requires meaningful and proper attention. I do offer business consulting for veteran housing projects and so I had our team work with her and we're still in communication about creating a proper context where I can serve that ask. Well, let's use another email as an example. There's an email in my inbox from a current client and she's questioning whether or not she should stay in her professional role or pursue another opportunity ahead right away. Is this phase one, phase two or phase three work? This is phase one work for her. She needs to think about career processing, identity work, even values clarification. Is it context aligned? Partially, but she's going to need more than a 30 minute conversation with me, which is what we normally have in order to decide how she should move forward. So the decision is absolutely. And this decision deserves real space. So I'm blocking out 90 minutes so that you can process without time pressure. Here's my calendar for the phase one coaching. Telling her she doesn't need to come with answers. This is just sacred processing time. Let's use another email as an example. I've got a teammate that just wants to know what the standard response is for clients who send us emails on Fridays and we owe them a touch back right away. Is it a phase one, phase two or phase three issue? It's phase three. What we can do here is just set a standard that the team will follow Was the context aligned? Yeah, it came into our business. Yes, this is an easy one. It's 100% phase three. So the decision was super easy. Let's make that rule if we don't already have it captured. Client inquiries on Fridays get acknowledged same day, full response by Monday at noon. Document this in the protocols. All right, now let me show you how the 1, 2, 3 process works with a networking invitation. So the first, the first invitation I have is a conference. There's over 500 people. Two, it's phase two. A conference is relationship building. Think about pork chops and peas. This event plus 15 to 20 follow ups afterwards, plus relationships, ongoing relation maintenance. The decision can't happen immediately, not this quarter. My phase two plate is already packed with pork chops and peas are starting to fall, so I have to say no. Another networking event. It's a dinner and it has six leaders in the defense industry. Same thing. This is phase two work. The pork chops and the peas seem manageable. Six relationships aligned with my business goals. So yes, I can do this phase two work without overloading my plate. Using these phases as a decision filter helped me make six decisions in 10 minutes that normally would have taken me hours and I would have felt guilty deliberating over why I decided on each one. So that's the why. In a nutshell, we are teaching the others over self mindset through reverse engineering. To get to others over self, we have to think self over others. Phases one, two and three. Here's what we're talking about. When you hear the word context, which context is the sin? Imagine being at a business networking event. There's 100 people in the room and you see somebody that used to be a good friend of yours. Maybe a couple years has gone past and there's some unresolved issues that need to be managed for the relationship to rekindle. You have a choice in that moment. The first thing you should do when you see that person is, is think to yourself, this event that I'm in, is it phase one, two or three? That's a phase three event with phase two tasks that are going to come out as a result of it. Now you have a past relationship with this other person. That's phase two work. But you're in a phase three context. So the wrong thing to do is step outside of the room and rekindle that relationship. No, my friend, that is phase two work that needs to be taken into a different context where the two of you can genuinely reconnect one on one in an environment. That's not a strict business networking type of situation. A good idea would be for the two of you to leave that event together and go grab lunch somewhere. That's a beautiful phase two type of interaction. But what I see over and over again is at a phase three event trying to bring those phase two discussions into those interactions and it's just not the right time or place to do it. Pause to figure out every interaction. Is this phase one, two or three communication and what is the context? This is an incredibly robust system that we use with all of our clients and all of our peer supports. Now today's episode was just on the why now? How you do the implementation of the follow up that has to do with boundaries. And we're going to dig into that two weeks from now to wrap up today's episode. We are going to learn a little bit about implementation. But before we get to that, I want to give you your so you I want to give you your favorite segment called get the Gear and it's where I share the actual tools and resources that I use to run this show and run my business so that you can benefit from what's working for me without having to figure it all out yourself. Today I am basking in the glow of a recent upgrade to our studio that has significantly enhanced the quality of our video content. You know that I am all about our Turkish Olympic shooter friend having the solid foundation without needing the fancy gear to provide competence. But here's one thing. When you do need gear, upgrading strategically makes all the difference. I've been using these Neewer 660 LED light panels for my videos and they've been working fantastically for years. But I recently discovered that they make diffusion filters that fit these. So instead of having to invest in all new studio lights for the upgrade, I was able to simply purchase this diffusion filter. Add on and it completely transforms the quality of light. Instead of this harsh direct lighting that can make you look washed out or create unflattering shadows, nobody wants shadows in their jowls. Well, these diffusion filters soften the light and they create a much more natural look. This is what Phase two work looks like. In practice, this might seem like a Phase three type of action, but upgrading my studio lights is actually phase two work. It's understanding how my presentation is landing on others. The content that we teach is solid, there's no doubt about that. But I needed to understand how my visual presence is being received. I'm always thinking about that. So these diffusion filters help me to show up more professionally without completely overhauling my setup. Now, if you're doing any type of video content, whether it's for your business or your podcast, even if you're just jumping on zoom, having really good lighting with proper diffusion will make you look oh so polished and professional. It's the difference between looking harsh and looking at ease. Now there are links to purchasing both the lights and the upgraded filters in the show notes. Studio lights are incredible tools and so is that 1, 2, 3 decision process that we've been teaching today. So now that you have that tool in your toolbox, let me give you exactly what to do with it starting today. First practice. 1, 2, 3, 3 daily. Every demand, every email, every text message, every meeting request, is it 1, 2 or 3? Just practice seeing what type of demand is in front of you. Keep a note on your phone, or if you're old school like me, just start a little tick mark page. Write phase 1, 2 or 3 at the top and see how many requests you're getting for each of those categories. You might be surprised that you're actually living an entirely phase three life, but you've got a lot of phase one and phase two work that is being asked of you. And for each interaction, ask which phase is this and was the context aligned? How did I feel afterward and would I have changed the decision that I made? All we're focused on doing this week is being able to judge and discern what which one of which type of interaction is being demanded of our time. When you can figure out which slot this fire hose of demands can be diverted into, I promise that you're going to find it so much easier to manage. And that's what we're digging into two weeks from now. Because today taught you what to identify. And in two weeks when we circle back, I'm teaching how to maintain boundaries gracefully. That's what implementation looks like, maintaining boundaries gracefully. We are going to talk about windows, walkways and walls. Now, if you're super excited about starting to set boundaries, then I do want you to be a busy little bee. Pop down to the show notes and you can go ahead and download your complimentary lesson on boundaries right now. Go ahead and study it so that you're ready when we come back in episode 32 to teach and look at how we're going to implement those decisions of phases one, two and three choices. And if you're super stoked about the new year and you need one more thing that you can put into action immediately, it would be to block out your calendar for phase one time. Between now and episode 32, I want you to block out three to five hours that belongs to you for solo processing. Reading that feeds your soul, therapy or coaching on your growth. Visiting a healthy parent or loved one that can have a deep conversation with you. I want you to pencil in rest that restores your energy and time for values, reflection. Protect it like a board meeting because it is critical. It's the foundation that everything depends on. It's the comfy T shirt that our Turkish friend wore to the Olympics. And finally, I want you to prepare for next week. Next Tuesday, a week from today, we are meeting Andy Rodenbaugh. He runs a story brand marketing business on a four day work week. He protects his Fridays. He stacks his projects strategically. So as you listen to Andy next week, I want you to think about the phase filter. Which phase is he describing? Is he using boundaries to protect what matters to him? I'm interested to see what you pull out of our conversation. Because Andy does a phenomenal job of implementing all three phases into his business design. And when you implement 1, 2, 3 and when you ask what phase is this? Before responding, you're not just getting better at time management, you're reclaiming your life. Stop laying building blocks in random order and start building something that matters. You reclaim time from demands that are stealing your joy. Channel those efforts towards your purpose instead of just sitting around and reacting to what gets thrown your way. Because I want you to have healthy relationships. And it's an amazing feeling when you can say this is a phase one conversation that needs phase one context instead of trying to cram deep processing. When we honor that, people feel honored instead of rejected. The face filter doesn't make you less available, it makes you properly available. That's an enhanced quality of life. That's what 1, 2, 3 gives you. Well, that's our show for today. I'm host Shelly Rude. It's been a joy being a part of your day and I'm with you every Tuesday. Now go and download that boundaries lesson because we're going to go through it in two weeks. Practice 1, 2, 3. Block out your phase one time. And remember that you cannot have a healthy relationship with an unhealthy person. And you can't be healthy without understanding and protecting these three phases. Until next week, I will see you in our online community. And as always, my ambitious friend, stay hardcore. Be at ease and trust the process. You're listening to Hardcore and at ease.

Keep the conversation going@join.othersoverself.com Joel here with Notion design group. When it comes to your website, people don't really care about your company or my company. What they care about is how we can make their lives better or easier. Think about your website for a minute. The top of your homepage. It should answer two questions. Number one, what exactly do you do? Number two, how does it make your customers life better? If you answer those two questions, it will drastically improve the effectiveness of your website. Want to learn more? Grab our homepage cheat sheet@notiondesigngroup.com or Schedule A call with us. We'd love to chat with you. At Notion, we design sites that drive.

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