Stop Waiting to Build What Only You Can See

I had no business plan. Everybody said, when you start a business, you gotta have a, you've gotta have a plan and you gotta have a trajectory. Nope. I was in the deep end. Didn't even test the water, the depth. I was in there. And sometimes I feel so like I'm in there swimming. We talk about, you know, things we're passionate about and our purpose. Granted, there's things that I'm passionate about, but this has been my purpose. This show is powered by others over self. Hit that subscribe button to keep training your brain.

From others over self, it's Hardcore and at Ease, a show about people who are keeping their edge without going over the edge. I'm host Shelly Rood. Can you see exactly what's missing around you? And do you know that you're the one to build it, but you're just waiting for that plan to be perfect or for the money to be there? Well, Here's your sign that it's time to think differently. Today's guest is Melissa Washington, a Navy veteran who stopped waiting and spent 11 years building the Women Veterans Alliance into a global organization reaching thousands. We explore the depth of building from nothing, including why openly talking about money is an act of leadership. This is Hardcore and At Ease. Every woman who has served in the military knows what it feels like to walk into a room and scan for the other ones. We look for the posture, the eye contact, the way she holds a conversation, like she's already running a debrief in her head. You look because you're used to looking, and then sometimes you don't find her, and then you feel like you're the only one. Melissa Washington heard that over and over again when she started gathering women veterans in Sacramento, California, This was 11 years ago. Women would walk through the door and say, I thought I was the only woman veteran in this community. 11 years later, Women Veterans Alliance has grown into a national presence with thousands of women in its reach, a giving foundation, a small business award, a national broadcast event, and a partnership with Thrive Cosmetics that has put hundreds of thousands of dollars in product into the hands of military women. Melissa Washington is a Navy veteran, a CEO, a connector, and someone who has never waited for someone else to build what she could see was missing. Her story is the kind that proves the gap is real and that one woman with a mission and no business plan can spend 11 years filling it. This is her story.

Where I am at today was not my intent when I started Women Veterans Alliance. So when we can go back you know, 11 years when I started a small meetup in Sacramento, California for women veterans that met the third Thursday of every month. And my intent was, hey, I'm going to get a location for us each month, I'll find a speaker, and we'll just continue to grow locally. But we continue to grow and grow because there is such a need for women to want to gather and connect with each other. And I've heard this more than one time where women would come in and they would really feel like, I thought I was the only woman veteran here in a community. So if they feel that way, then how many other women that have served feel that way? Building something where I know that there was that need and then just a lot of it was just creating based upon that need. It's like seeing, okay, what's not there? And then what can I create to be there? And I had no business plan. Everybody said, when you start a business, you gotta have a, you've gotta have a plan and you gotta have a trajectory. Nope. I was in the deep end. Didn't even test the water, the depth. I was in there. And sometimes I feel still like I'm in there swimming. We talk about, you know, things we're passionate about and our purpose. Granted, there's things that I'm passionate about. But this has been my purpose. I mean, everything that I've done prior to that has all been these stepping stones for me to, to blossom, to, to have this. With everyone, we have these seeds that are there, right? And they may not come out till we're 40, 50, and then really embracing that. And that's what I've done the last 11 years and continue to evolve and create other things and just so many things have happened with that. And again, going back, that was not my intent for it to be global of what it is today.

Going back to that moment, what is it that gave you the idea to even want to connect with other women veterans?

I'm very much a connector. I've started other groups before, but I was really looking for an opportunity to connect with other women veterans in more of a professional setting. Not as the traditional veteran groups have their meetings and the formality and all of that stuff. I just wanted to do what I like to do. I like to gather and break bread and connect with other women because I noticed that there was something that was missing in our space. So instead of waiting for others to create it, I can do— I just created it on my own.

And your creation kept going because not only do you have a group, Melissa has a business, she has a foundation, she has multiple events happening. Can you share with us some of those rabbit holes that you've gone down for good and bad? They all can't have possibly made it big, have they?

No, they haven't. I mean, there's been some flukes along, along the way, right? It's, it's a, uh, it's a learning process. And one of the things too, being an entrepreneur, always thinking of other things that we can do. The best analogy I I say is like I'm flying the plane and I'm trying to, I'm building it as I'm flying, right? So I'm trying to find the right people to help me with the building of it, but then I've got all these great ideas of things that I do. And everything I do comes from the heart, serve with the servant's heart. And we do that, but we also know that there also has to be a financial aspect, right? Because I'm not a wealthy person financially, but how can we continue to do this, but also bring in money to continue to do that. Different things have evolved with the Alliance, right? It's starting a business and that's always like to share with people. So whether you're starting a nonprofit or a book club or a group, a lot of it is, it's the basic fundamentals of starting a business, right? It's again, minus the business plan, cuz you know, I'll get an F for that cuz I didn't have the plan, but just having the basic things of having a a website, a domain, having, you know, a separate checking account. I mean, all these things, right, of starting this and then evolving into my other entities. And everything I do are things that I love to do. So there's probably really nothing that I've done I wouldn't do it if I didn't want to do it, right? Or have some— I gotta have some kind of interest. And along the way, it may look perfect to everybody, like, oh, you know, she created this and it's, oh, it's Great, but no, but there's been a lot of other things along the way. But the next entity that I, I started was Women Veterans Giving, and that's the nonprofit arm of the Alliance. Why did I start that? One, to give women veterans opportunity to serve on a board or a committee, and also too, to be able to help what I can fill the gap when it comes to funding for our women. Entrepreneurs. As we know, with any business, the, the top thing is money. So how can I help raise funds? How can I get others to help so we can help infuse cash up into these businesses of women? So that started and we created a small business award that was given yearly. And the small business award is named after me. I, and I always have to make sure I preface it because I'm not like ego, like, oh, I needed this to be named after me. The committee named it. That was not mine. And the reason they said it's named after you, because they said if you weren't here, this wouldn't, wouldn't happen. So it's very much, you know, an honor to have the award named after me. And also too, I think having it named after me, I work a lot harder to making sure that we get those funds to be able to infuse that cash. It's all volunteer. We've got a very small board. We're very grassroots. We don't have large financial partners. We don't get big grants. You know, we're doing a lot on a shoestring budget, but with that shoestring budget that we have, the impact is huge. It's like, look what we can do with this, but just think if we had so much more of how much more impact that we can have and the transformational change that has happened in these women in their business. And with that, May 1st, the application's open for our 2026 Small Business Award. And the criteria is you've either had to serve or currently serving, and you need to be the founder of the business. And your tax entity could be a for-profit or nonprofit, as long as you are the one that's, that started it and put the sweat in and still probably sweating and all that stuff. That's the qualification.

How'd you know I'm so sweaty?

And the question comes, well, I, I run a nonprofit, but I didn't start it. You don't qualify. Or I have a franchise or a business. That's, you know, that's different. We want women that have put that in and you could be in any phase of your business. So if you're like, okay, I'm just starting it, or I've been in business for a few years and if I, this, you know, extra cash can help me do this. Those are the women we want. So May 1st, if you are that person or you know someone, let them know. We'll give up to $5,000 in cash, plus there's other coaching and workshops and assessments that we provide. The 3 finalists will come to the Veterans in Business Conference. That'll be the first week of November in Palm Springs. So the women get to not only— they get to experience that conference, connect with each other. And let me tell you, from the struggle is real to really to get those funds to be able to do that. Granted, we do have small expenses, but we want to be able to do that. And another cool thing that came from the nonprofit piece is Thrive Cosmetics.

I will pause you right there because I am wearing the Thrive Cosmetic Melissa shade today.

Watch out now. Yes.

And it is named after you.

It is named after me. So if anyone's not familiar with Thrive, I wasn't aware of that they named any type of their products after women. And actually, I have the, I have the mascara on. I knew Thrive as the mascara, and I forgot how it all happened where I found out that they donate products to organizations. And one of the best things about Thrive besides the product is that part of their giving pillars is in the military women's space. And if somebody knows any other for-profit or nonprofit or any other business that has specifically military women veterans as far as they're giving, let me know because Thrive Cosmetics is the only organization that I know that has that.

Thrive Cosmetics did send us some product a year ago for the Women Veterans Engaged Conference, and that's how I got my hands on this lipstick. And I have to tell you, Melissa, I actually don't wear lipstick. This is the only one that I have ever carried with me.

A few years ago when I wasn't even aware that they do that. So I get this box in the mail, like, okay. And I open it up and then I open the lid and out pops all this confetti. I mean, literally, like, it went— I wish I had a video, but I didn't know it was going to do that. Pops up. And then I— there's this, you know, this card about Thrive. I'm like, oh my gosh. And I'm reading about it and they've got the product in there. And I'm just, I mean, I got very emotional that I was like, well, first of all, I figured out, okay, how did they know me and how did they, but you know, they did, they do research, they find women that are making impact in the community. So all their products are named after women that are impacting their community. And it was, it was such an honor to, to receive that for women to still be wearing that lip color. And again, Thrive has been a fantastic partner of ours. I, I think we might be around $200,000-$300,000 worth of product that they donated to us. And we give these bags to our military-connected women, so we're able to bless them with a little— whether it's, you know, some blush, some eyeshadow, some sunscreen, all different products.

So do you know what I love about the story, Melissa, is so we were the recipient of a beautiful box of these cosmetics, right? And my leadership team is like, Well, I don't know if the women are going to want this. They're not really very girly women. And so there's 10 of us on the leadership team. 1 out of the 10 was like, yeah, we really should put it out. I'm sure somebody is going to want it. Do you know that those women snatched up that product so fast? We were astonished. And it just really goes to show you that no one woman, especially a woman veteran, can speak for another because it— there, if we would've been the gatekeepers in that situation, we could have kept her from receiving a gift that actually meant a lot to her.

Absolutely. We have the Thrive Cosmetics for Heroes program and we've given thousands of bags of cosmetics. So we have a group of volunteers that they go and they just assemble all the different products and, you know, and put them in a, in a bag to do that. And next year we're going to be expanding that. That program as well because it, it goes in line with what we're doing, you know, helping women professional, personal development.

Melissa, I wanna pause on that word funding real quick because you are brave enough and smart enough to have conversations around funding. Yeah. And I feel like there's a lot of women in this space or, or supporters of this space who are scared to have that conversation. And that's something that I've always really appreciated about you. Where does that come from? You know, did—

my dad had a full-time job working at United Airlines, but a lot of his passion was rock and roll and videos. And this was before Blockbuster, so my family had a video business and we would rent out VHS tapes and then beta tapes and then discs and sell VCRs that used to cost like $1,000. Um, so as a teenager, having that experience of being in there and seeing that and to be able to, of course, you know, work the counter and understand that even though I didn't have like full, but I had a good grasp of the business and what that looked like. And it was, you know, a lot of it was a passion from my dad to have that. It was a great experience. I'm very much into business. You know, I got my, of course, my bachelor's degree in business management and marketing. So having that piece, but I feel too is when I do talk about the whole financial thing. And like you said, some may not be wanting to talk about it because they may be embarrassed or feel like you're a failure or it's nobody's business. But again, if we don't have the money, yeah, we can do, and it'll come, but you know, it's— money's not a bad word or a dirty word, right? It's just, it's, we all need it. And then sometimes it's not there. And how do we get that? Or how do we, Or what sacrifices do we make? And I've made many sacrifices, which I've shared before, from refinancing my house to several other things to be able to do what I do. And some people think, well, maybe that's not smart, or, you know, well, maybe you should just go find, you know, a 9-to-5 job and work in office. That's not for me. You know, that's part of why I started Women Veterans Giving is to be able to, you know, if we can infuse a little bit of money, because I'm telling you, there There are so many times where I wish, you know, if I just had $500 and I could print out these flyers, or, you know, it's just that little thing. Or I remember one year when I— when we gave the Women Veterans— it might have been the first or second year. I remember we were struggling financially, personally, but then here I'm giving this award, right? So there was, you know, I felt a certain way, but I'm just like, we just have to continue. To do that. And with that too, I also have my own consulting business, which also helps as far as my speaking. I've, you know, I've got 2 books, working on the, the 3rd book, and with the speaking and the consulting. So, you know, that helps bring in some other things, but I'm not a 9-to-5er. I've, that's really hard for me to ever have been, even have been one. I, I love that, that flexibility and, but Not having that, then I don't have the stability of getting a paycheck every 2 weeks. So a lot of times I have to make sacrifices, but ensuring that my family is not affected, because granted, my family is important, number one, by all means, but also to making sure the things that I do in the business. But we should feel comfortable. We should be okay with having these conversations because if we do, then we can all help each other.

And they're, they're necessary not just for sustainability, but also for growth. We're talking about the rising of the tides where we are able to raise the levels of success for ourselves. We bring others along with us, and you are a champion when it comes to lifting up other military women and their businesses, and you are very humble. I am going to brag on you for just a minute here because I don't think that our audience really has grasped the scope of Melissa Washington. I mean, we're talking about a CEO, a radio show host, You are a Navy veteran. Can you share with us a little bit about your military background?

Absolutely. I joined the United States, I was 18. I graduated high school at 17, went to community college for a year, and I was getting my certification in early child education because I was going to be a preschool teacher. So I did that and then joined the Navy at 18. In the Navy, you go to A school, and that's where I met a Marine who had eventually become my husband. After A school, then I went to Little Creek, Virginia, on board a rescue salvage ship. And at this time, so this is the early '90s, and women were only allowed on certain types of ships. So we weren't allowed— when I was in, we were not allowed on aircraft carriers, destroyers, submarines. But there were ships we were allowed on, and one of those was a rescue salvage ship. Um, or primarily divers on that ship, and our focus was to salvage things, of course, that went into the water. So I was there, and I was thankful I went on board a small ship because being on a small ship, I got to do a lot more. I was in logistics, so, you know, being in supply, you know, really understanding the parts and just everything else that needed to be ordered. And during that time, I was fortunate enough to go on a 6-month deployment to the Mediterranean. So at that time, I was 19, so not a— Not too bad being 19 and going to France and Spain and Italy and Bulgaria and wherever else we went. So that was awesome. I want— I'm from California. I don't like the cold. I wanted to come back to California. And also the Marine that I met was stationed in California. And so we have to remember at this time there was no Google. The internet was very— wasn't like it is robust today. I was told, well, if you want to, if you want to go to San Diego, you need to find another woman that is equal rank and equal time. Between me and my chief, I was able to find another E-4 and, you know, she had family, she wanted to come out. Fantastic. Then I got to go to be stationed in San Diego at 32nd Street on board destroyer tender, which are, those no longer are there.

And, um, I wanna pause on that for a second because you didn't just have to go find your MOS or like your, your job designation with an opening. You had to have a woman who was currently filling that opening.

Yep. Cuz that was the billet. So the billet was for a female with, that had to be E-4 and trying to find the same amount of time. It wasn't easy, but you know what, when you're determined, to find someone, you know, I was calling around and it's not like you could put an ad on, you know, Facebook and say, hey, I'm looking. That's not how that worked back then. So that was, that was a great opportunity. Then when I got there, not long after I got there, we did a WestPac. So that's a, you know, 6-month deployment. And that was the end of '93. So during that time we were heavily involved in Somalia. And so I spent, I always remember every Christmas spending 1993 Christmas off the coast of Somalia. And bigger ship. So of course it's what I got to do was a smaller scope than having to do everything, cuz there was a lot more of us on board. And then '94 comes around, you know, we finished the deployment and at that time, um, President Clinton was downsizing the military and they say, hey, you know, if people were interested in volunteering to get out. And so I said, you know what, I raised my hand, I would like to get out. I was gonna marry this Marine. He was one of those that grew up wanting to be in the military and was gonna retire from the military, and I was ready. So there was a lot of resistance, like, oh, you shouldn't do that. Then there was a lot of conflict because I didn't sit for the E-5 exam, because what would happen if I sat for the E-5 exam, the results would've happened in September and I was gonna get out in September and I didn't wanna make E-5 and then they say, oh, you can't go. So I'm like, I'll just stay. And then back then it was like a piece of paper. It was a chip. So you had to have this duplicate copy paper that had to go up all the way the chain with the signatures. I mean, thankfully it got all that way up. So I got out, I literally like walked off the ship. The next month I got married and then the next month my husband deployed. So that's, that's, that's part of my transition story out of the military. And then the rest I had to do reserves since I had signed up for that. But, um, yeah, that's. That's really short, quick version of my time in the military. And I enjoyed it. I mean, it's— would I do it again now? No. But back then, as learning challenges, I think that's with anything, but it was a good experience. And people say, well, why'd you join the Navy? Well, if I didn't join the Navy, I wouldn't have met my husband.

11 years, no map, no plan, in a room full of women who thought they were the only veterans. What Melissa has been building is a direct response to a gap that no one else was moving on. We're going to name that gap when we come back. Stay with us.

Joel here with Notion Design Group. When it comes to your website, people don't really care about your company or my company. What they care about is how we can make their lives better or easier. Think about your website for a minute. The top of your homepage, it should answer two questions. Number one, what exactly do you do? Number 2, how does it make your customer's life better? If you answer those 2 questions, it will drastically improve the effectiveness of your website. Want to learn more? Grab our homepage cheat sheet at notiondesigngroup.com or schedule a call with us. We'd love to chat with you. At Notion, we design sites that drive sales. You're listening to Hardcore and at Ease with certified business and life with Coach Shelly Rood. Now back to the show.

Before the break, you heard Melissa describe 11 years of showing up to the same discovery: women veterans who feel invisible, disconnected, and alone inside communities that don't quite know what to do with us. What she's been solving for has a name, and when you can name the terrain, you can navigate it. Let's do that now. Well, that transition story, there's so much in there. It's one thing to make the decision to leave your job. It's another thing to make the decision to start a marriage. And it's yet another thing to become a military spouse. And now you're a military spouse with a spouse deployed. I mean, that is like 4 major life events all smushed into one.

That's literally what it was. And then trying to find a job too. Back then, this is when you faxed resumes, so you had to actually look in the newspaper for jobs. So anybody that's listening, that's the way we had— used to have to do it. There was no like online. So, you know, I was trying to look for work before I even got out. And then we were going to— we were— I was going to move back in with my parents while my husband deployed. So then when he got back, we would, you know, settle. So it's like, okay, I'm getting out of the military, I'm an adult, I'm now moving back in with my parents. Finding, you know, a job, and then my husband's leaving. And then thankfully I did find a job. I started the job the week after I got out, and the only reason I got the job is because I know how to operate a floor buffer. So this, yeah, literally, I mean, that's my transferable skills right there. So they're looking for an office manager for this floor cleaning buffer machine manufacturer, and it was great because it wasn't far from where I was. So I was, you know, and yeah, they hired me on and I ended up becoming a sales manager when my husband and I moved to San Diego, you know, selling product all because I knew how to strip and wax a deck. Because in the Navy, that's what you do on Fridays. You'd strip it and you would wax it. So there's a lot of, a lot of like funny stories of me because having to sell that product, because you have to go at night to sell the product. So I remember going to the Los Angeles Air Force Base commissary, you know, you're bringing the product, you're bringing the machine and loading it and you pull it out. And then the guy, the workers, they're like, what did they say? Well, they asked more like, Jefe is like the boss. Because I'm like, no, it's me. They're thinking there's going to be some guy that was going to come to show them how to utilize this, this machine. And you're like, get out of my way.

I've done this on the deck.

So there's, you know, there's a lot of cool things that happen with that. But that was a really good experience for me, having to start as office manager, do things, and then being able to sell. So that was my early time out of the military. Plus, you know, my husband deployed. I mean, he was deployed and then he come back and then they, you know, be out for to do workups. And coming back, but I was very much, I don't wanna use the word independent wife, but I had a different perspective than women who had just married someone and wasn't in the military. So that worked for me, but it didn't work for me in some ways because sometimes I felt there might've been some resentment or she knows too much or she doesn't know. So having to work through a lot of that with both active duty and with the spouses. So in that whole veteran identity, I mean, I didn't really, I didn't say I'm a veteran like I do today. I just, I really didn't think I was a veteran anyways, cuz my dad was a veteran. He was in Vietnam and he, you know, that's a veteran. Of course, my way I feel about things have changed since then, but that's, and it's like, how do you, but then how do you say, okay, I, my husband, I serve, but now I'm, I'm the spouse as well. Um, so yeah, so a lot of different, a lot of different things happening during that time.

What got you through all of that? Did you have like a really deep sense of self or did you feel like that was a lot of years of growth happening?

Probably. I've always been an independent person and my mom will tell you Melissa cut her own umbilical cord cuz I just—

Melissa cut her own umbilical cord.

Yeah. That's what she'll say. Cuz I've just, that's the way I've been. I've just been out. I, you know, everybody wants to do it this way. I'm gonna do it this way. It definitely helped me with that. But a lot of it's, you know, a lot of it was wanting to know, to know more, to be able to connect with people. But I think a lot of it's just, just the way I'm built that way.

Was it hard for you to watch your husband wake up and put his uniform on and go do the service job when your uniform is, you know, in the closet or in the drawer still?

Or yeah, it was donated. Um, no, not really. I mean, especially when you see a Marine put on his uniform and I'm, I'm, yeah, it's, uh, it's good there, you know, and he spent, you know, 21 years in the Marine Corps, so that was his thing there. So I, I really wasn't bothered by that. I, you know, I just embraced being the spouse and, you know, of course we had to relocate. So the PCS moves, you know, doing all that stuff, um, as well. And then I was trying to get pregnant during some of this time and going to fertility and And that was, that was a, that was probably the, the more strenuous time. Not when he deployed, it was more of just trying to get pregnant and then having to PCS and then having to switch doctors. And then he goes deploys. And so that was not a, a good time in our marriage.

Did you bring children into the family?

Yeah. And we agreed we would adopt here in LA County at the time. So that's when we, um, brought our daughter home through foster care. So she was our foster baby. So she was 2 and a half months when we brought Maya home and now she'll be 21 in June. So yeah, so we went through that process, which is a very strenuous process, but 1000% worth it. She was meant for us and we were meant for her.

And so now you are a full-time professional woman rising through the ranks. At what point did you shift from working for someone else to working for yourself?

And then it was So it was 2008 and my company, I was in, we were in Southern California. My husband was close to retirement and they offered me an opportunity to come to Northern California to manage the Oracle account, which I'd work on site at Oracle. And I'm like, oh yeah, you know, I want to, I'm from Northern California. I didn't wanna go back to the Bay, but it was close enough. So if we remember, the economy was, I mean, it was tanking in 2008. So I'm like, okay, I'm gonna take this opportunity. They paid for my relocation, put us in, you know, an apartment till we're able to find a house. And then 2009, I get laid off. So that was a time of, I, one, I can't believe it. Oh, I'll find a job easy cuz I, my background. But you know, here in the Sacramento area, there just weren't a lot of opportunities anywhere. And then that just put me on my other quest. So had. I had not gotten laid off from there, I wouldn't be talking to you. So that's really what started all of this because then now I'm able to kind of shift into the entrepreneur mode. I got it in some ways like a survival mode of thinking, okay, what can I do? How can I find opportunity? But what really sucked for me, and this is relatable too to those that are transitioning the military, is I didn't have a community because I was working. I just had, you know, I got this new job and I'm just like, okay, you know, Thankfully, my mom was with me, you know, and then my daughter was— she was 3, you know. My husband was still in, you know, Southern California because he was getting ready to retire. So it was just all these things that were happening. And now I'm living through this grief process, which I didn't understand at the time because, you know, when we think of grief, we think of, oh, you have to lose somebody to grieve. But I was grieving my identity, grieving loss of a job, and thinking, okay, why'd this happen to me? And that's Like I said, that's, if I could pinpoint anything, that's, that day is what's just started everything else.

I want to learn a little bit more about that. So that particular day you're saying when you were laid off.

That day, that, that was the day of not saying to be set free, but it was a very toxic environment. I work is, it was like I was stuck there anyways because I was stuck because one of the things is too. So when I relocated, they gave me a bonus. Right? So you have that. It's like, okay, I can't quit because then I have to repay my bonus. And then I'm, you know, I'm stuck in this new area, all these things. So it was really a moment of, okay. But then I had to like grieve. I literally had to like, I was like staying in bed all day. My husband didn't know because he wasn't here. He would come home on the weekends. Then 2010 comes and it's like, okay, I gotta find, because this is end of '09. I'm like, okay, I gotta find a job. I mean, again, the economy's tanking. I mean, everything is, um, we're trying to refinance our house. I mean, thankfully we were able to, because if we didn't, I mean, it was just so much happening. But what happened was I saw in the paper the Employment Development Department was having a professional networking group for other professionals, because there are so many people that are looking for work. I'm like, okay, I'll go to this. I didn't, I didn't feel I qualified, but I did. One day, so this is 2010, this is 16 years ago. The facilitator did a presentation on how to use social media to find work. So again, social media is very new at this time. So they talked about Twitter, they talked about Facebook, and she talked about LinkedIn. And I'm thinking, you know what? I know how to use LinkedIn. I was an early adopter of LinkedIn because I was in recruiting and we used LinkedIn. So I said, hey, if you all in my class want to learn more, I will put a presentation workshop together at my house. So I started doing LinkedIn workshops at my din— literally at my dining room table and inviting people in, job seekers. And we'd spend 2 hours. I'd have a whole little setup on how they can set up their profile, how they can use it. And again, I'm still un— I'm still unemployed, so I'm working. I'm just not getting paid. And then I get involved and I start a job seekers group. We're meeting all the time. I got this group I'm running, still trying to find work. And then the LinkedIn thing. So all of 2010, I'm just doing these it was for free, but I was honing my craft, right? As, because when you're doing that, you're, you're just trying to figure it out. And then finally, then I'm like, okay, well maybe I'll start charging for this because economy started to pick up. Other recruiters want to use it, salespeople, realtors, all these. So then I started charging it. So that developed into my own business doing LinkedIn. And then all of a sudden now I'm getting calls to come to conferences to teach or come to businesses to teach. So I'm That was my thing. But then I ended up connecting with somebody at LinkedIn because he saw my ad on LinkedIn that I had and connected with him. And then a few months later, I'm working at LinkedIn doing, not doing teaching LinkedIn, but doing their conferences and their global sales kickoffs. And, and one of the things, and I always love to share about that story, is they never asked me for a resume. They were just hiring LinkedIn. It was a contract position. It's like, we just need you for 3 months to help us. I'm like, okay, we'll do this paid contract. And I live in Sacramento, which is different from Silicon Valley. I still got paid what they got paid. Again, never ever asked me for a resume, cuz if they did, I would've had that job on there, that experience on there, cuz I really didn't have it. So I was learning, it was going so fast. So 3 months turned into 4 years at LinkedIn. I had a lot of great experience. I got to travel the world with LinkedIn doing different conferences and planning their global sales kickoff. So a lot of really good experience there. And, but one of the things I wanted to do is I wanted to write a book. And when I started the job seekers group, I put together a checklist of, okay, have a resume, have business cards, have LinkedIn. 90% of people had no idea what LinkedIn was. They called it all different names. So eventually in my book called Get Back to Work that I published in 2014, there's an appendix and it's the checklist of what we need to do for work. And so I launched that in 2014. But I was still doing the LinkedIn stuff. I was finished with LinkedIn itself, and then I was still doing my workshops. And my goal was I launched the book, I'm gonna go on book tours, I'm gonna do all that stuff. And that was not my plan. That was God's plan. He's like, nope, that's not gonna do it. You're gonna start this, uh, Women Veterans Meetup, and that's what you're gonna be doing. So that's, yeah, the, the book was there, was out, you know, I was doing sales. It's still available on Amazon. Yeah. And then I started the started Women Veterans Alliance, and it wasn't Women Veterans Alliance at the time. It was just a meetup group. And then we had to have a name and all that stuff.

You've been professionally working with women veterans for 11 years now.

11 years, like fully into working with women veterans. And it's been really an opportunity to learn so much because I'm, you know, I like to be boots on the ground and I like to be at the table and people say, you can't do both. I'm like, I do both. And it may hinder me from other things, but I really like to, to be involved. Then also too, I have all these ideas and it's just like, okay, but I also have to execute them. We do a lot with very little, but a lot of that too is because of the systems that I've put in place, which is very important because, but it also costs money that the investment that I make helps that. And I know we want to talk about Engage and how that came up and it's going to be our 5th one, May 30th.

Yeah, so Women Veterans Engage is the national broadcast, and we've been a part of it since the very beginning. And what's been so interesting is that it really gives you the opportunity to connect with other women who have served in the military at that larger level. Like you said right at the beginning, it's easy to feel like you're the only one in your neighborhood, but really, really, when you can find the women and get them to crawl out from wherever they're hiding, there's a lot of us out here.

Absolutely. And it's our active duty ladies, our reserve, or our guard women. And I was really thinking, how can we connect women that are like all over the place? And some of them are hidden. A lot of time, you know, there are other women veteran orgs or groups that work great in silos, but there's still that disconnect piece. So we used to have chapters and then we— that stopped. So it's like, okay, we don't have chapters, but I have I know people in other areas, and how can we reach these women who may not want to come online or maybe aren't online? But also, how can we elevate all these other women veteran groups or just groups in general? Because it's not just women veteran groups that are at location— satellite locations, but how can we highlight and elevate all these great things that are going on? Because I do travel a lot. I do speak to a lot of people and involved a lot, and I see this huge disconnect. So what better word than engage, right? Because that's what we're going to do. And then let's see if there's interest from any other organizations that want to be a part of this national broadcast. It's very unique what we do. And Shelly, you were on board since day one, and thank you so much for that and believing in me and believing in what we do. And we're on year 5, and it's continued to grow. The, in the transformational, the impact that it's had on the women who attend. It should be the norm. This is what we're gonna do. And we make changes. I mean, if you look at our format from the first one, it's a little different than it was before. I mean, the infrastructure is pretty much the same, but how we delivered, because we kept learning each year, it's like, okay, well, let's not do this, but do this. And it really refining that and, and How can we make this so impactful for those that are online, but also for those that are in person?

Over 20 locations that are broadcasting?

I'm hoping. Last year we had 19. We're at 17 right now. We could add— over 1,000 attendees last year. So if we can continue to multiply that, the impact that's having. But one of the key things that I wanted to make sure we had, and I, I had this since the first one, conferences and event app. We need to have an app because if somebody's in Michigan or California or Texas, how are they gonna talk to each other? So having this app then gives them the opportunity to start introducing themselves, connecting. So many great conversations that would happen. Somebody say, oh yeah, I was in the Army, I was in Germany in this time, or I went to boot camp or I stationed here. There's all these different things that start happening and in a safe environment where women can share that on the app, but then they can also share it.

Melissa, one thing that I've really noticed is that in the veteran space, we tend to see a need and then like clamor after it, which is not a bad thing. But with the rise of the internet and AI, what we fail to recognize is that there are things that exist perhaps outside of our state that meet that need. And it's so beautiful to be able to go to a website like the Women Veterans Alliance and take a look at the listed allies and be able to see in one spot, there's women veteran organizations that help with basic things like employment, but there's also creative ones. There's a women veterans group that focuses on eating disorders. That's astonishing to me. And you are able to bring everyone together to say, what is your need? And let me just introduce you to a potential solution that's out there.

You're right. It's like, why reinvent something if something is there? And also too, in talking about C-Waves, you know, Leah Stiles, who, you know, is the founder of the Eating Disorders— if I want to start an eating disorder, why do it if it's there? But there are things that we can collaborate on with each other, and that's a key word. Yes, there's competition, but if we can collaborate with all these other organizations that are doing things, just think how stronger we are. And I feel that's what's happening with Engage because All these 1,000 attendees last year got to see 19 different organizations, corporations, nonprofits, individuals that are doing things, whether they can get involved or where they can learn from someone. So I feel what we're doing at Women Veterans Alliance and from— and me, I'm a connector. It's like, how can we connect all these different people together? Because that's the way my mind thinks. And I know my mind thinks differently than a lot of people. It's good and sometimes it's not good, but I'm just, I'm thinking of these, these ways we, we can do that and who I can introduce people to. I'm always, you know, I get on a call or something, I'm like, oh, do you know so-and-so? Let me introduce you to them. Because the more that we know together, the stronger and the more impact we have. If we look at our women veterans, 2 million, right? And that's just veterans. That's not including, you know, the active duty, Guard, Reserve. How can we reach out to all of them? And we know women are at different stages of life, whether it's the menopause time or the going to school, or now I have kids, now I don't have kids, now I want to retire. And also, as far as their economic status, we're all the same, but we're not the same. I'm leading into what you're going to be doing because I think I feel that's so important of what you're going to be presenting on at ENGAGE this year and how much that's needed for our group because we all have different ways we communicate and needs. And we can't make an assumption just because, yeah, we're women veterans, we could talk to each other maybe in a formal setting, but really to talk and engage, there needs to be more. Because we are, we are different from women who have not worn a uniform. It is, but how could we help our other women veterans connect better with each other.

We are, and in the same breath, we're not the same as each other.

Yeah, absolutely. And looking at what we did last year, the way we delivered Engage on the national broadcast was fantastic. All the 19 locations got to introduce each other to everybody. If you're in California, you got to learn more about what they were doing in New York, or we've got the Women's Memorial on this time, or Texas. And then we, you know, guys were on in Michigan, then we had Chicago, and then we had an amazing speaker last year, Dr. Joyce Abbott. She was awesome. And then you reach out to me and want to set up some time to talk because, you know, you hadn't been a location before, and it's like, okay, you want to be involved but differently. And, you know, we've had that conversation, and it was just— it all fell— it all fell in line.

What is the emotion or the takeaway that you want the women attend Engage to feel at the close of that keynote?

Of your keynote? Yes. When women come in there, I want them to leave differently in a positive way, feel differently, feel whether they feel motivated or have a better understanding of themselves as well as understanding of others, right? So that's the takeaway that they're, they may, yeah, they're going to get goodies and, you know, swag and that kind of stuff. But what they're going to leave with, whether that's mind, body, or soul, that's something that feels good for them when they leave. Yeah, they're making these connections and now they're even now going to be able to take it a step further with what you're going to be introducing to them.

And we are having them go through the Wildflower Personality Assessment for women veterans.

What you've created is so innovative. It's doing something that has never been done in our space and leveraging AI in such a positive way where you can impact now literally hundreds of thousands of women and using your time smartly of what you've created to have that day. You're going to have so much impact on all those women attending and learning. And I'm so excited about that. The only way they're going to do it is if they register for womenveteransengaged.org. They can come to one of our 17 in-person locations, or if they're not, they can join us virtually. So even if you join us virtually, whether it's from your couch or your front seat of your car, your desk, your bed, you're going to be able to partake in this assessment and to be able to not only find out what your main flower is, because we all have these other different parts of us that are other flowers, but learn that more about yourself. And then how you can communicate with others. So it's, you definitely wanna register to be part of ENGAGE, and ENGAGE is open to everyone, but our primary focus is always gonna be our women veterans, active duty, and Guard and Reserve, but others can participate. If you miss it, I'm telling you, you're gonna miss out on something you just haven't seen before.

How did you feel when you got your assessment results?

I don't know. I, you know, and honestly, I was like, I think I wanna do it again because yes, I am that, that's the way people see me. But I feel though that, did I answer the questions the way that I truly feel or the way I feel people see me? So I don't, I don't know. You know, I'm, I'm really thinking, do I take it again?

Yes.

And answer it truly the way that I feel. And I thought I was lying. I just, because again, the way people see me and I'm pretty much, I am the same person.

I agree with you. And that's a question that we should have at the front of our minds. And so I do wanna encourage you actually to retake the assessment. I'll get you a new link for it. One of the biggest problems is that is true for every personality assessment, whether you're doing DISC or the 16 different Enneagrams or whatever. Are you answering because you think this is how people see you or, or are you answering from the heart? Right.

Yes. So I think mine was a mixture of, of that because yes, I do need people, but I also like to have that, have just be me as an individual. And so maybe when I did answer some of the questions, I didn't want to seem like I was selfish. I don't know.

Yeah.

I think I need to take it again so you can, I think that's to do it again.

Absolutely. If there was a woman who came out with your same results, what would be some advice that you would have for her?

Well, I think you mentioned the people pleasing part, and a lot of that goes into also wanting to say yes to everything because you don't wanna let somebody down. And over my last so many years is understanding that it's okay to have boundaries and, and say no. And also we can't please everyone. And I learned that early on, but even more so with the setting up meetups. I'm not going to please everyone. I'm not, it's not going to be perfect for every single person, the date and the time. So it just, you have to like let that part go and really remember that it's you and putting your oxygen mask on first before you try to please others. And that even goes into. Making sure again, because we're always trying to fill everybody else's cup besides ours. And that goes in same thing, right? Oh, I wanna do all this for everybody, but I also have to remember I need to take care of me. Um, and that's not selfish.

And that's not selfish. Amazing. In order to be on our podcast, that means that not only you are, are you hardcore, and I would consider you a hardcore connector, but you also have to be at ease. And in the military, that means you've got one foot planted in a direction, you know where you're headed, but you're allowed to relax. You haven't gone over the edge. You've got this sense of togetherness about you. What are some tactics or what is the thing that helps Melissa Washington be at ease?

A few things. I like the beach. I like a pool, and I have a pool in my backyard. Of course, not using it quite yet, but When I'm able to get in our pool, I don't swim laps. I just get in a little floaty thing and I just float and I don't have my phone. I have my sunscreen on, my hat on, and just, well, it's funny because yeah, I'm there to release it, but then it opens up for other things to come in. 'Cause I wanna just, and I can't, I just like, okay, just let me just release for just a little bit longer before then other things start coming in. 'Cause then my mind starts going. With that, that, that's a big thing. So whether it's there or just other ways to, for me to just pause and relax. If you have faith and you believe, that's an important thing in, in my life too, to be able to relax cuz I know he's got it. I have to remind myself of that. The way I do things, I do travel a lot, so I always try to, if I can squeeze in time for me when I do travel. What may work for me may not work for you. You have to find out what makes me feel good. I don't drink coffee. So some people say, okay, in the morning, you know, I can just sit outside and have a cup of coffee. Doesn't work for me. So we gotta find out what works for you. And things change, right? It's like, okay, if you ask me in my forties, it'd be something different. Now I'm in my fifties and you know, and things, things change.

And, and it's like, are you in your fifties? I never would've guessed.

I know.

Melissa Washington, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being with us today. You've brought so much wisdom to our audience.

You're the best, Shelly, and I, and I'm so glad that we became friends and all the stuff that we've done and that we will continue to do.

Absolutely. Thank you, Melissa.

Thanks.

Here's what Melissa Washington has been doing for 11 years without a framework to hand it to. She walked into a room of women veterans who felt invisible, and she decided the invisibility itself was the problem worth solving. Not the symptoms, the source. She built a conference, a foundation, a giving arm, a broadcast, and a network of 20 locations because she could see that connection was the first thing being lost after service, and she wasn't going to wait for someone else to come and close the gap. What she has been navigating and what the veterans who come to her events are navigating, it has a name. It's wilderness. It's not failure, and it's not weakness. It's not a sign that our transition out of military service went wrong. Wilderness is a specific kind of terrain. It has no map. There's nothing in your training that prepared you for it exactly. Every choice in front of you comes with a cost. The confirmation of who you are stops coming back the way that it used to. And something inside of you feels off in a way that you can't put a name to. When it comes to the wilderness, there are 5 criteria, and if 3 of them are true at the same time, then you know that you are in the wilderness. Every veteran hits this terrain at some point. The uniform comes off and the structure that told you where to be, what to do, and who you were inside, well, it's gone. You can be in a room full of people and still feel like the only one. Melissa has been collecting that data for 11 years on the women Veterans side of this. What you heard today is the evidence that the gap is real and that one person with a mission can spend 11 years plus filling it. If you hear yourself in any part of what Melissa described today, there's more coming. The Women Veterans Engaged conference is May 30th. Melissa will be there. I will be there as the keynote speaker, and we are bringing something to that room that has never been done in this space. You'll want to know more about it. You matter in this conversation, not as a statistic, not as a category, as someone who served, who's still navigating terrain that most people around you cannot see. If this episode landed for you, continue the conversation with me at join.othersoverself.com. And if you are a woman veteran, the Women Veterans Engage Conference is May 30th, 2026. The link to that is in the show notes. That's all for today. I'm host Shelly Rood. This is Hardcore and At Ease. And just like every week, I'll see you next Tuesday. Until then, stay Hardcore. Be at ease and trust the process.

You're listening to Hardcore and At Ease. Keep the conversation going at join.othersoverself.com.