EP 62 - Three Reasons You’re Not a Good Listener (Yet)

Let's talk about 3 reasons why you are not a good listener yet, but you will become. Let's begin. Are you ready to shine? Come on, it's the Shiny one. You got this. My dear shiny mind, you who's watching, may I invite you to hit that subscribe button? This way, you and I are going to become partners in shine and elevate the consciousness in the world. Thank you so much in advance, and I'll see you inside. Welcome to the Shiny Minds Show with Dr. Shiny. I am Dr. Shiny Buju Insal. I am the proud creator of the Academy of Neuroshine Technology, with Neuroshine Technology being the technology for truth and living in alignment with our truth. I started my career as a licensed trainer of Neuro Linguistic Programming, having received my licensing from Dr. Richard Bandler, the original co-founder of Neuro Linguistic Programming. It changed my life. And then I I went ahead and I combined several other powerful disciplines from neuroscience to heart science to quantum physics to metaphysics. And next thing you know, I created an interdisciplinary and multidimensional transformational curriculum that became the code, the architect, the source of everything that I do as I teach people, transform lives as they go through the transformation themselves. And that is Neuroshine technology. At the same time, as you see on my wall behind, I am an ICF Master Certified Coach and also very proud to have received the award from the International Coaching Federation as a Distinguished Coach Educator. So I am coming to you with 25 years of experience, 10 years in corporate marketing, advertising, and branding, having worked with Fortune 100 brands like Coca-Cola, Gillette, Audi, BP, Kotex, Avon, all those big brands. I started like and I wanted to create my own brand and I wanted to understand myself a little bit more. And then I turned myself into this woman that you see in front of you as a transformer, as a life changer, as somebody who gives you the skills about your mind, your heart, and your behaviors. And then I then turn you into this incredible expert who is able to transform lives as you're living. And that's what my Academy of Neuroshine Technology is all about. We transform you as we teach you to how to transform others. And then we hug you, we love you, and then we give you the tools that are going to blow your mind because they have been blowing so many people's minds. And then we actually turn you into our partners. So I wanted to explain the background because I'm about to talk to you about 3 3 reasons why you are not a good listener yet. This is something that came up yesterday in my cohort as we were talking about active listening, and, and I wanted to share directly with you. There are 3 reasons, the 3 top reasons that I can actually look at and find out as the top 3 reasons why you may not be a good listener yet. Number 1, you are a level 1 listener. Which means you are in your head. You are unable to follow what the other person is saying. You are just so in your head. You are unable to regulate your own thoughts, regulate your own mental files in my language. And the moment they talk about something that is also your agenda, you know what happens? You literally pause that moment. I'm just going to magnify what's going on in your brain right now. You literally pause your own neurons and you stop the input, like receiving input from the outside, and then you stay inside. As you are inside with your neurons, your neurons are double-clicking on those mental files that are being received. And then as you're inside your head, your neurons are already occupied with the words that you received. I'll give you a very good example. The word fear. The moment you hear it, you are almost like in that freeze function of amygdala. And then you actually close your brain to outside input because you are so triggered internally that you need to create safety within yourself. Your nervous system needs to have some safety, some regulation before you can even take anything in. And then process it and then give it back. And that's why I call it the level 1 listening that is very fundamental. You are listening to yourself. You are not even like able to take anything from outside to process and then blend it with your own mental files in, in your own nervous system. So the reason why I'm using the terminology as mental files is because your mental files are literally those organizational folders, just like in your Google Drive. Think about it. Like you have a success folder, you have a fear folder, you have life folder, you have purpose folder. And in all of those folders, they do have their own keywords. And then as you click on them, something else pops up and then you are actually being introduced to your own world on and on and on again. And that's why the moment you lose control of your own self-regulation because a triggering word came in, like fear, you just like fall back into your default and then you're stuck in your own thinking. And that is level 1 thinking and that is level 1 listening. So here is how to pay attention to this. Next time you have a conversation with someone, ask yourself this question: am I listening to my own inner voices right now, or am I really curious, really doing my best to comprehend and understand what this person is sharing with me? If you're in your own head, if you're listening to your own voices, it's going to be different. You are not able to make the other person feel heard. The second question you can ask, not to yourself, to the person that you are communicating with, is this: Do you feel heard whenever we are having a conversation? Do I make you feel heard? If you're able to make them feel heard, At least you have some sort of capacity to illustrate that you do have the skills. The second reason why you are not a good listener yet, but you're about to become: you bring up words and interpretations that your clients or your friends or your team members, peers, whoever you are interacting with, have not used. I'll give you the example. When somebody is mentioning fear and then you are turning it into failure because that's how you interpret internally, right? If you have fear and if you're afraid of something, then it gives you fear, it stops you, and then it makes you go into that internal file of failure. And then your definition of it is failure. And because it is failure, you started talking about failure and then You receive this reaction and then they go, no, I didn't say failure. That is not an option for me. I do not compute that. When that happens, what is going on is they are not resonating with it. They are not using the word failure because it's not their word. It's your word. You bring your own interpretation. You bring your own word, your own projection. And then you try to make sense of somebody else's world by your own words. And then that creates friction, that creates some sort of dissonance, just like in the physics of resonance or dissonance, right? If they're not resonating with you, then there won't be any connection. There won't be any healthy conversation. And the moment you lose control of the vocabulary and do not check in with the person that you are talking with, then it's just going to make you look like a not good listener. So here is the question that you can ask the person in front of you. Do you resonate with me? Do you resonate with the words, the selection of words that I bring up, the interpretations that I make? Do you resonate? Am I making you feel understood? Okay? That's what you can ask to the person. That way you can improve your listening skill and you can create incredible relationships and receive incredible results in your life. So let's talk about the third reason why you're not a good listener yet, but you're about to become again. And this is the biggest reason. You don't know how the brain works. You don't know the mechanics behind the human brain. You don't understand the psychology. You don't understand the language patterns. You don't understand the consequential thinking, the contextual thinking, the critical thinking, and you just, you just don't have any framework about it. And that's why it stops you. And that's why it doesn't allow you to become a great listener. And then you wonder why. You wonder why you keep having issues one after another. I'll give you another example for that one. When we take the same example, somebody is telling you that they have fear for something, and fear is somewhat not a big topic for them. They just have a good relationship with fear versus you don't have a good relationship with fear. So this person has already studied what fear is. They understand that it is actually just a nervous system mechanic just to keep us alive. And it's amygdala's function. And it is there to protect us when the protection is needed. When the protection is not needed, then there is no need to make fear sit in the control button, right? So if the fear is sitting in the control button and then making all the decisions and running your own life, then of course you are going to turn fear into failure. And of course you're going to have anxiety after you, you hear fear. You don't know how the brain mechanics is. You don't know how the mind works. You don't know all the stuff, the processes, the automation that we have. The real automation that we experience in the world of AI, in the world of automation, is our own automation. If you are unable to crack your own automation and then break your own non-serving automation, which are your old patterns, then of course you're not a good listener because you don't know how to listen to yourself. In order to start to become a good listener, a great listener, I encourage you to become a great listener for yourself. Listen greatly for your own inner mechanics, your own thoughts, your own concerns, your own mechanics, and understand and study psychologists, study brain mechanics, study neuro-linguistic programming, which I can help you with. When you study how the mind works, how the brain is actually processing information in and out, and then how it is creating all these organizations and double-clicks and mental folders, just like you have your Google folders. Once you understand what's going on, you're going to become so much powerful. You're gonna have so much more self-regulation. You're gonna be able to have so much autonomy, sovereignty, to create the relationships that you want. You're not going to become the victim of what is coming outside into your brain. You are going to be the sovereign creator of what you are going to allow to take in from the outside and then how you are going to be able to manage your own internal world. I'm telling you, it's a game changer because it changes my game, my life, my game of life. So to recap everything, The 3 reasons why you're not a good listener yet, but you're about to become, hopefully, with our Academy of Neuroshine Technology is: Number 1, you are a level 1 listener because you stay in your head and then you click on your own mental files and you're unable to focus on the person who is speaking. Number 2, you bring up words and distorted interpretations of the words that people are giving you, and then they don't resonate with it because those are your projections. Those are your worlds and then your meaning that you attach to things, not theirs. Therefore, there's a friction. And number 3 is you don't know how the brain works. You don't understand psychology. You don't know the mechanics of mental, linguistic, and behavioral patterns. And because you don't know the source code, you will not become aware of what is going on with you. And I encourage you to study, to understand, to become aware of yourself and others, because if you're trying to understand yourself, but forgetting how to understand others, that's also going to keep you not as a good listener. And in order to break that not good listener, but go into the great listener, please learn neuro-linguistic programming. Please learn yourself and go through my Neuroshine Technology Mindset principles. We would love to encourage you. We would love to help you go from good to great, from amazing to unforgettable, from lost to shining in your power with your light. So I hope this video helps you, and we hope to see you in one of our next programs so that we can make this world a better place where we all are great listeners to make each other feel safe, seen, heard, appreciated, and free to be whoever we want to be. Thank you for allowing me to share my light, and until next time, keep shining your light.