Dr. Shiny Unsal and a coach discuss why detaching from your own perspective unlocks better coaching. Real magic happens when you're fully present instead of planning ahead. The brain gravitates toward a compelling future, and invitational language works better than commands because orders trigger resistance in the amygdala.
Chapters
It's good to have community. For the first time in 7 years of practice, I had a community of like-minded people and I share a vision that is super important to me. But my big takeaway for today is be detached from your perspective, because in my own sessions, and that's the helper in me, I go to, what should I do next? Where should I go next? What do I need to, you know? And I constantly have to bring myself back.
Yeah.
Just detach, and that stands out for me today, detach from my perspective, because I also realize if I'm just present, if I'm just listening, if I'm just holding the space, magic happens.
Partners with a client to summarize the learning and insight within or between sessions. There's actually an old saying that coaching is what happens between sessions. Why? Because the client and the coach, they're both reflecting on what they did in the session. You're going to be You're going to be reflecting on your coaching skills, and they're going to be reflecting on the insights that they took from the session and then how to integrate those. So that's why it's called coaching is what happens in between sessions. Progress equals happiness. Identity and compelling future are the most motivational things for humanity, because if you are not moving forward, that is against human nature. That's why we don't like to be stuck. It's limiting you, and it's just stagnation, it's stuckness, and then that is against our human nature. When we are experiencing life with our potential, at least within the direction of our potential, then our neurons can actually go to that possible future potential and the possibility. And then we can actually create quantum entanglements with that version of ourselves versus this version who is stuck and not doing anything. And we do not like that version, that possibility in the quantum possibilities. And that's why we Have these chemical reactions and emotional responses to everything. If we are focusing on what went wrong, why we didn't get what we want, why this happened, and then you should have done better, it's never going to help. It's just illogical. That's my take on it. Coach asks questions to support the client in translating awareness into action. Take clients. Think of some steps to control your anger. This is okay. What would be even more delicious? Is the language of it. Dear client, would you like to think of some steps to control your anger? I was saying it's an order. Think.
Yes.
We have to ask. Yes. Yes. This is a command. This is a commanding language. In Richard Bandler's terms, when there is no other words before that, it's not a larger sentence structure but just the command itself, then amygdala is there like, why are you telling me what to think? I don't want to think about that. But if you say, would you like to? So yeah, it's like, don't of the blue elephant type of a situation. But it is important for you to support your clients with some sort of like tangible, here are the takeaways that we gathered out of our session, here are the insights that you shared, that kind of a thing. So they have something tangible, some sort of a proof that they have gotten out of working with you, and then they can reflect on it. And they can also look at it as their homework if they like homework or home play, whatever. And then they can implement it on their terms moving forward with their action steps.
I had a Nero Shine moment between Tuva and Betty, just listening to them and just observing them and seeing how authentic they were with each other. That's beautiful to witness. And that was my theme for the year. And then I thought, what's happening here? And it's rebirth. And rebirth is damn painful. The authenticity, the really, really being present. And then my realization was it's rebirth. We're all in some form of a rebirth.
Yeah.
And in that space, we just hold each other with love.
