EP 82 - 5 Steps of Becoming a Conscious Communicator

Today we're talking about conscious communication. If you are somebody who wants to communicate at the highest level, this episode is for you. Let's begin. Are you ready to shine? Come on, it's the Shiny One. You got this. My dear Shiny Mind, you who is watching, may I invite you to hit that subscribe button? This way you and I are going to become partners in shine and elevate the consciousness in the world. Thank you so much in advance, and I'll see you inside. Welcome to the Shiny Minds Show with Dr Shiny. I am Dr Shiny Unsal, a communication mindset and leadership expert who created the Academy of Neuroshine Technology back in 2011, served thousands of people, certified hundreds of people in more than 55 countries, did thousands of hours of coaching experience. 3,000 of them are validated through my Master Certified Coach certification through the International Coaching Federation. And I wrote a book about You Are a Star: Shine and Become a Galactic Leader in 5 Steps, talking about leadership communication strategies, talking about mindset principles, talking about my 5-step model that I covered in my book. And today I want to talk about conscious communication and the importance of it for you as a human watching this show. When I talk about conscious communication model with you, I'm gonna use my 5-step Galactic Leadership Model that I wrote in my book. The first step is feeling, and you're gonna be like, why is the first step feeling? Because, my dear Shiny Minds, we live in a world where emotions are the challenge, the game, and the power all at once. Emotions and emotional intelligence is literally the name of the game. If you can understand your emotions, if you can become self-aware of your emotions, and if you can regulate your emotions, you are emotionally intelligent. And if you can feel what the emotion is telling you as a message, game over, you win. So that's why step number 1 is feeling. In your conscious communication journey as a conscious communicator, you gotta understand that people feel. You feel emotions, your brand feels emotions, your team members feel emotions. Human beings, we all feel emotions, and we all want to be seen heard, appreciated, and we want to be felt. You know what I'm talking about, right? You start talking to a friend of yours and you are sharing something that is very important to you, and yet your friend is looking around. Perhaps there is a TV around you and I'm watching the TV, and perhaps here and there is giving you a nod and moving forward, but not really making you feel felt. You know what I'm talking about. Right? You're not felt at that moment, but you want to be felt. You want your emotions to be felt by that person. That's why number 1 is feeling. Feelings are there to be shared. Feelings are there to be felt. This is the name of the game of life that we are playing. And most importantly, the top 2 emotions that you need to become in the first step of feeling is pain and pleasure. Fear is the source of all pain, and love is a source of all pleasure. We are unfortunately taught to avoid pain and run towards pleasure. We live in a world— everybody does everything to avoid pain because fear is stopping us. Fear has all the power. It is time for us to sit down and have a conversation with the frequency of fear. What is it that you want me to learn? What is it you are teaching me? I know I'm playing the game of life and I am here to learn. And then I know pain is a source emotion. What do I need to learn? And then I'll tell you what, after working with thousands of people for thousands of hours, I can tell you that the emotion of fear, which is the source of all pain, is trying to teach us that we need to stop avoiding the fear. We need to start hugging the fear. We gotta be friends with our fears. We gotta feel the fear and hold its hand and do it anyways. And then when we look at the source of all pleasure, which is love, we now are going to integrate holding the hands of the fear. The darkness is gonna come with us, and then we're gonna go towards the light. There is no light without the darkness. There is no lightness or shininess without the darkness. Lightness, the light, the shine is where love is. And that is why step number 1 is feeling. Feel the fear, you do it anyways, and always choose love. So let's talk about how you can apply this first step of feeling pain and pleasure into your conscious communication. If you have a conflict with a friend of yours, let's give an example of going out with your friends and you have this pain, this fear of, oh my gosh, am I going to end up paying the bill? Or am I going to end up paying more than what I had? All kinds of things, right? We all go through these situations in life, like awkward situations, because a friend of yours might say, hey, Hey, just let's split the bill because it's, you know, just lunch that we had and let's just like cut in two and you pay half, I pay half. And then you go, well, I mean, you had a big steak and I just had a salad. But you can't say it. Why? The feeling in there is the fear. Oh, if I say what I want, my friend is going to judge me. My friend is going to think that I am stingy and it's going to create conflict between us. Therefore, I should just censor myself and not say anything and just like sit. So this type of avoiding the pain is going to make you suffer. There is no pleasure in it. There's no light in it. There's no love in it, right? So what you wanna do as a conscious communicator, you're gonna hold the hands of the pain, of the fear, and then you're gonna tell your friend, I want to tell you that I would love to cover my part and I would like you to cover your part because what ends up happening is I end up paying more, and that makes me feel unloved, unappreciated. Is it okay that I just pay for my part and you pay for your part? Would that be okay? And now you are speaking your truth, and guess what's happening? You are holding the hand of the fear and giving the love for yourself and for your friend. And that's how you practice, you embody the first step of feeling of my Galactic Leadership book in the very first step of feeling as a conscious communicator. Step number 2 is being. When I say being, I talk about the needs of our being. If you go back to Maslow's hierarchy of needs in 1940s, I think it was 1943, he came up with the hierarchy of our needs. At the very bottom, we have survival needs. At the very top, we have the self-actualization needs. What I learned throughout my life and my career is that you need to have self-actualization as your goal. You need to have your entire nervous system, your entire being, go for that mission. Actualize yourself. That's how You get to apply the step of being. If you care about your being, if you want to become your best, delicious, most delicious version, which means you really care about your self-actualization, you care about how you show up, the values that you represent, the kindness that you bring to the environments, to the people, to the situations that you show up to. And that is how you are going to integrate the being as a conscious communicator. Let's give you an example. In my book, I talk about oneness as the word for self-actualization. When you become one with your values, when you show up as integrity because integrity is important for you, when you are clear because clarity is important for you, then we can say that you have oneness. How are you going to show up as one with your integrity, with your clarity, with honesty. You're going to become the most honest person. You're going to take ownership and responsibility for your clarity, and you are going to even be obsessed with your integrity. You're going to say, you know what, I said I would do it, I'm gonna do it. That's integrity. You say, you know what, I wasn't clear enough, I could have been more clear, I'll take that, that's on me, Next time I'll practice more clarity. That's how you do it. That's how you are one with it, because it requires that, because self-actualization and oneness is the measurement of being in your conscious communication. Number 3 is living. As a conscious communicator, the way that you live your life in terms of creativity, in terms of what you do in your environment, If I come to your home, look into your bedroom, your living room, measure your living, the way that you live, do I see your mission, your vision in your living room? Do I see your gifts embedded into the food that you consume? Do I see and feel your values in your schedule, in your calendar? Do I experience your superpowers in your everyday habits? How do you measure you as a living being? We talked about your being, being oneness and all that. Now we're going to take it and then we're going to look at it in the 3D and then we're going to measure it. How are we going to measure it? We're going to look at your life. We're going to look at your environment, your gifts, your mission and vision. We're going to measure in the 3D, the three-dimensional reality. How are we going to see your, your left brain? As an analytical person? How are we going to see your creativity as somebody who wants to sing and motivate others, uplift others? How are we going to experience your resourcefulness in the way that you talk to your neighborhood? It's all about your living. What do you do? With the selection of your outfits? How do you do your makeup if you're a woman? How do you cook? How does it show up? It's everything that you do. The way that you live is the way that you bring your being and put it into the world. And as a conscious communicator, when you look around, you will see that you communicate not only with the humans, but also with the things, the objects, the food, the social media that you consume, the desk that you work on, the pen that you buy, the outfits that you select. You are in constant communication with everything around you, and that is the living example of a conscious communicator. Number 4 is believing. When I started my business, It first was called Be-Live, B-E-L-I-V-E. So it also meant be live and be life and believe in you, right? So I played with the word and that meant everything to me. It literally was, hey, you gotta believe, you gotta believe. So this step number 4 is about that, is about the beliefs, the belief systems. What I call BS in my Neuroshine technology today. Why? Because we have super disempowering BS that are stopping us, blocking us, and hiding our powers from us. And then there are some other super empowering, uplifting beliefs that we want to have for the rest of our lives. The other day, a client of mine was asking me about my beliefs between men and women and how men treat women and my belief about it. And I said, I'm aware I've had experiences where men actually prioritized hitting on me versus appreciating my values and my being. I don't necessarily like that. I've had those experiences, and yet I consciously choose not to create a belief about it because that belief would not help me. That would be a disempowering belief. If I have a belief set, a BS that says, that goes something like, oh, men are only interested in women in a sexual, sensual way, but not in an intellectual, professional, and genuine way. If I created that belief, and if I owned it, that would not help me in life. Therefore, although I've had countless experiences, I decided not to own it. And that is your power. When we're talking about believing and embodying as a conscious communicator, you have the chance to choose what belief to own, what belief you decide not to own. Hello, Shiny Minds. Sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to tell you that this Shiny Minds show is sponsored by my Academy of Neuroshine Technology, where myself as the founder and my hand-selected amazing elite ICF accredited coach educators are here to support you, to make you feel safe, seen, heard, appreciated, free to become whoever you want to be, and also transformed forever inside out. We are here to hold your hands and to support your growth. If you feel it in your heart to become more and achieve more, then go to shinyunsal.com, grab that PDF, and we will see you inside. Number 5 is deciding and doing. This was where I literally just created my Neuroshine, as you will see in my book right over here. This book is written in 2014 and polished in 2015. At the end of 2015, it was going to be published in Istanbul. It was published in January of 2016, and I also published it here in the US in 2017. So when I first created Neuroshine as my phrase that I wanted to own. I didn't even know what it was going to be like. I just thought about Neuroshine as a cosmic light inside of us that would spark mentally, because I also studied a lot of hermetic principles and Kabbalah. And as part of my dissertation papers and thesis that I was doing in the University of Metaphysics. I was studying all kinds of ancient wisdom and esoteric textbooks. So I kind of knew that there were cosmic laws of the universe. And to me, when I named the book as the Galactic Leadership Book and started teaching the book at UCLA as my leadership communication class textbook, I just knew I was teaching something very different. To my students, and they all said it when they first came. They were absolutely all skeptical. But when they saw the entire process, the 5 steps from feeling to being to living to believing to deciding and doing, the whole Neuroshine came about as the last return on action. Why? Because there's a gap. The gap is Hey, there is a— I mean, I'm not going to give you the entire language. You got to read the book. It's a galactic process in my language. And that gap— I have an acronym for gap— is going to be closed by you taking the action. And that is your return on action. That's how you're going to close the gap. And that's how you're going to become a galactic leader, meaning you are going to tap into something absolutely cosmic inside of you that has been waiting for you to become one with it. And that's why, again, oneness is the part of being step for me. And all in all, when you blend them all together, all these 5 steps, just like a 5-pointed star, then you're just going to become the star that you are born to be. Just like the sun shines, you are going to shine your own cosmic light. I hope you liked it. I hope you're gonna remember the stardust that you are born to be, the star that you are here to shine, and you are going to keep that light shining, share it with others. That is why we are here. We are all stardust. You're here to shine. So until next time, keep shining your light. Gonna go galactic, go galactic, go galactic, then you're in the right place. Let's go, let's go!