Carlos Cervantes and Brooke Velazquez: From An Attitude Of Gratitude To A Strong Support System, These Tips Ensure Success When Doing The Thing After Prison

I do really believe 100% from every part of me that everyone has the capacity to be able to do the things that they want and not to be held back by the mental baggage that's in our head that we want to push through.

Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. In each episode, we get down and personal with people who go after the things they want to make all their wildest dreams come true. Join us as we unveil and dissect a formula for what it takes to do the thing. Here is your host, Stacy Lauren.

Hey, everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacy Lauren. So okay, guys, this is fun. I have two amazing superstar people with me today, and I love how these conversations start when I'm not even planning to, like, do an episode on something and it sort of just happens serendipitously. I was meeting with Carlos actually Cervantes, who I did an episode with recently after he left the company that I exited from. We did it on him starting a new job and leaving the other job after being there for so long. And we've been discussing the do the Thing formula pretty much soon after it came soon after I dissected the formula. I met with him to talk about some ideas that I had on using the formula with people that were in recovery. Then I met with Brooke Velasquez, who I also worked with with my old company. So both of them were with my old company for 17 plus years, pretty much, and both exited or they both left the company sometime this year. And so whenever I have a new idea, I really like to explore it with people. And when I was talking to Brooke, I was telling her also my thoughts on being able to use the do the Thing formula with people that are in recovery. And we were specifically talking about people that were coming from prison because with the company that we worked at together, one of the things that we did with one of the segments of our business was helping people who were coming out of prison and coming out of recovery. And that was just such a rewarding part of the job. And I remembered both Brooke and Carlos had the same kinds of feelings with just being able to help people and impact in that way and be able to give people a second chance, because there's honestly no better feeling in the world than someone that takes the second chance and then they use it. When Brooke and I met, I was asking Brooke for ideas on what she think would on what she thinks would be helpful in terms of helping people when they come out of prison and being able to help them rehabilitate into society. And she just had too many ideas. I'm taking notes and taking notes and I was, oh my God, I just met Carlos recently and talked to him about this and he had ideas and you have ideas. We just do an episode. And so she was open to it as well. And so anyway, so that's why we're here. And the funny thing is, this is hysterical. It's 8:45 at night on a Tuesday, and I don't think anyone in their right mind would do a podcast episode at 8:45 at night. But two people that I worked with for 17 plus years, you know what I did?

I did my first 9pm interview not too long ago. You got to do what you got to do.

So it's just funny because. Yeah, because of course it would be. Of course it would be you guys to. To do my first 8:45 at night podcast episode after you've worked all day and had your kids. And Brooke just told me she did kung fu, so of course she's going to do a podcast episode in the same. Why not? So anyway, so here I am. I would love to introduce you guys to the show. So I have Brooke and Carlos. Hey, guys. Hello.

Hello.

So I am excited because I've been kind of talking about this new idea that I had on some of the last few episodes. And then I'm also doing a challenge right now with a group of 600 people. And I've been talking about the idea of being able to help people in recovery and then maybe coming out of prison and kind of whatever types of transitions that people are going through. And I've been starting to kind of talk to people about it. I've met with a few people that have come out of prison. I've talked to a few people that had people that were affected. And then when I met with you both recently, I'm like, there's no perfect people to really explore this idea with more than people that had a shared experience with me on why this is such a. An important topic. Because I think you guys have seen that we have the ability to impact people in a way that gets them empowered to be able to transition better into society. And, and you guys being able to see that from different sides. Like, Brooke, you saw it from that sales perspective and helping people get the jobs with the customer. And then Carlos, you saw it from the recruiting side and being able to find the people and place them at the right job. And so anyway, I just thought we could open this conversation up and Would love to just kind of talk about why you guys even agreed to do this episode with me. And then what's exciting to you about this idea of being able to really kind of dig in a little bit on this topic?

Well, as you and I had talked, the big thing for me is the people that decide to take that chance and run with it, that second chance. There are people out there that don't take that second chance and don't take advantage of it. But the people that I connected with most and impacted me most are those that you could see. They valued that second chance and they really wanted to do everything they could to make it worth it. And those are the people that I loved helping. I love see changing their lives. And I can see if we could help more people take that second chance to learn how to use certain tools in order to make more of that second chance instead of slipping back into all the habits. That's just something that could be very valuable.

I think it all circles back to what. Where the universe unified us. Right. And Stacy, I'm never going to forget when you say, this is. This is the vehicle we have. What can we do with it? And I was a very proud advocate. Our mission statement, making that that significant contribution to society where you allow people to find a purpose and direction. And I think we all really upheld that for a lot of years. And now seeing how when I went job searching, that was definitely something that was part of the deal I was looking for. It's like, where else can I go find a similar vehicle where, yes, I am going to be able to contribute to society by helping people find that direction, that purpose, that opportunity that they're looking for. And yeah, it goes a long way past pass the paycheck that we all earn. So I think that's my take on it, is that the mission statement from our previous company really is, in my opinion, essential for what I'm looking to do moving forward and still in a way, clinging on to that feeling where you can make that contribution to society.

Yeah. And this is what's so exciting to me about this because I feel like we have such a unique view on seeing in this such a vulnerable state and wanting to make that change. And then some of them have the right mindset or they have the right tools already based on maybe who they're surrounding, who's surrounding them and their support system or just the internal drive that they have. And then the other people that, you know, they want to make the change, but they just can't because they don't have the right resources or desire to do it. And so I love that we all have had this shared experience together and we saw a lot of the same things and then we all had that same passion. And Brooke, I even remember when you had switched into the manager role of the salespeople, and I think you were even making more money at that time. You took a step back and really because you wanted that have that more direct contact with the person in the job. And that was where your fulfillment came from. And I never forgot that. I just thought that was such a really. A really cool way for you to see things. So I. And Carlos, I know there were so many times that things were hard and this was the thing that motivated you to keep going no matter what time it was, is knowing that the purpose of what we were doing. So anyway, I just love the fact that we're all. We have this shared experience and then I love that you're no longer there. I think when you're still in it, it's hard to see outside of it. And the fact that we've all been removed now for a bit, it's easier to look at it from an outside perspective. So I think that's really valuable as well. So, number one, I'm just really grateful to you guys for being here with me and being able to talk about this.

I mean, I think we've all seen those. Those posts where it's about attitude and skill. And I think for me, that's what it goes back to. I don't. You can work the skills up, but if they don't have the right attitude, you're not going to be able to make an impact. And I think the people that. That really made an impact for me were the ones that showed me that attitude that, hey, yeah, I've been through some hard stuff in my life, but this is where I am now and this is what I want to do, and I have the attitude to do it. Please help me train my skills up. And we have a lot of great examples of people that came with that attitude that leveled up and back to the vehicle. They saw the opportunity to take advantage of the vehicle we had to offer. And that's how they got into whatever contractor, general, general contractor, builder that we linked them up with. And. And then they became, you know, internal employees, supervisors, brought other people in, leveled other people up. So I think that's. That was really what. What really motivated me is that that aspect of it that, yeah, there were, you know, we all also had our downfalls and People that let us down on day one. But you always kind of cling on to the ones that were good examples and use that to motivate others that were maybe, maybe what that one person was, I don't know, something as far back as three months ago, six months ago, a year ago. And they had that attitude.

I'll expand on that. I think a little bit too, is not to be cliche, but the attitude of gratitude. It's the people that they thanked us for that first opportunity. All they, they were doing was digging a hole, sweeping the streets. But when I would see them, they would say, thank you, thank you for letting me do this for you, for giving me another chance versus people that had kind of the I don't want to be doing this attitude, I'm here because I have to attitude. Those were the people that I found fell off sooner versus wow. I'm grateful to be here. I'm grateful to have a second chance. I want to soak up everything that I can. Those are the people that got given more, got given that next opportunity, that next step up, because the supervisors can see that too.

And did you see what you think got in their way? The people that weren't able to, to make it and actually get on a either consistent job or just didn't show up. Was there anything common that you saw from the people that didn't work out?

I personally think it has a lot to do with putting blame on others instead of taking ownership in themselves. I was wronged. The world wronged me in some way. This job's wronging me in some way. The supervisor's mean to me because of people that placed external blame instead of taking ownership are the ones that tended to fail sooner.

I agree. I think it's back to the attitude you have. Those people that have that drive and they've been knocked on their butts a few times in life, and those were the people that really wanted to, I guess I would say, prove themselves to themselves, not, not necessarily to other people. It's like, hey, this is where I'm at. This is what I can control. I can get a job. And if I do good at this job, and I mean, it really goes back to the basics. I think me and Brook will agree that our favorite people were the people that just showed up to work every day on time. I mean, come on, is that really that hard? No, that's a non negotiable. You know, you show up to work every day on time and then just having that attitude where you want to bring Value whatever your role is. Whether. I mean, if I'm going to be sweeping the entrance of a job site because I understand the value of avoiding an OSHA fine for a storm and drain water pollution, then I'm going to be the best sweeper I can be out there, and I'm going to do that with pride. And other people. Brooke was saying, was he like, oh, well, why am I here sweeping? This is so dumb. This is not getting. You do it with pride and you do it with purpose. And I think the people that had that mindset are the ones that succeeded. And very quickly their supervisors would identify that and then consider them for. I mean, for future growth.

Yeah.

I think you just brought up something really important because I forgot about that until this moment. But I remember the huge difference that it was with an employee. We would tell them why we needed them to sweep the same little block all day long. If they understood the reason why, which was typically what you said. Right. Like, a concrete truck comes every hour. And if an inspector comes during the time when you. It's not swept. When it's not swept, then they're going to get fined. And whatever the reason is, there's like a million reasons why they need to do these jobs. And so that identifying the why of the job and giving some purpose behind it. I totally agree. I think that's actually a really good point that I just didn't even remember until right now.

Yeah, I love the pride and purpose. That's a really good catchphrase. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, that's. You know, I'll. I'll give kudos to my mama for that one. If you're gonna do something, you better be the best. The best street sweeper out there.

Yeah. So this leads into. We'll start with the formula. So with the I. Identifying the why, which is. So I'm. What I'm working on. And I'm just exploring the idea, you guys. I'm not committing that I'm doing this yet. I'm just starting it. I'm starting the process of creating curriculum on the formula. And that way people can use it during transitions, whether it's coming from recovery or prison or divorce or your children are transitioning out or military, you know, whatever it is that some kind of transition and then creating curriculum out of that. But for right now, we're talking about recovery. So in terms of identifying the why, I think you brought up a really good point. With that pride and purpose and connecting why you're doing that job with, like, what the job is But I was wondering if we could even go beyond that. So when we're talking about someone that's getting that second chance, what would be a way to help someone identify their why? And then anything else you want to talk about regarding that would be great.

I think the first point, and I think we talked about this a little bit when we got together, was honestly just having somebody that cares and having that conversation with them to start and asking them what their why is, explaining to them what a why is. Because they might not know. It might just be to get through the next hour. It could be to get through the next day. But as they work and get through that next hour or through that next day, that why is going to change. And as I think you explain that to them and then ask them like what's important in their life? Maybe it is family, maybe it's a girlfriend, maybe it's a boyfriend, maybe it's their kids. But whatever it is, once they, you help them discover it by asking a bunch of open ended questions and they discover what that why is, then it's their why. If you just tell them, a lot of people like to talk at people and if you just talk at them, oh yeah, okay, I've got to be a good citizen. Oh yeah, okay. But if they can actually come up with it, it's more meaningful.

I would just say acknowledging self esteem. I think a lot of people struggle with that. And kind of circling back to what Brooke's saying, it's okay to not know the why as long as that's what you need to focus on. I've recently been back to interviewing and one of the questions that I ask about is in regards to leadership and what is what, what are the leadership skills that maybe you don't, you don't have yet, work in progress, you're looking to develop. And when people tell me, well, oh, I want to be a better leader because of this and that, then it triggers me to think, okay, they actually, they've been thinking about this. But then you have the people that, that are like, wait, what? Like, no, I've never thought about that before. So I think it's just if, if they are struggling with that why, letting them know that it's, that's okay and hey, that, okay, now that you don't have that defined, then maybe that's where you start off. Try to find that purpose to make it meaningful. Because if you don't, if you don't know why you're doing what you're doing, it's, it's never going to have the impact that, that it will if you take that moment to self reflect and say, okay, why really am I trying to quote unquote, become a better, a better human being? And I think it's easy to neglect that aspect of it. I think we live in such a fast paced society that I mean, Stacy, you heard me bring that up. You know, when we hear our call, when you think of like work, life, balance, you're like thinking how to balance your work and your family. And then it's like, well, what about me? What about me? I'm part of that formula too. So how do I make sure that I allocate time for myself and for me to self reflect and to think about things so that then I can have a good idea on what I'm looking, making sure my compass is pointing in the right direction, if that makes sense. And if it's, and if I don't know if it is or if it isn't, then knowing that I can reach out to. I mean there's so many different places you can reach out for help. That's something you're struggling with.

Yeah.

And so let's talk about this for a minute. So we talked about pretty much with identify the why first is what is the thing you want to do? Right. So that would be a question is what is the thing you want to do? Whether it's get a job, get back with your family, just even get through the next hour. And then your question, Brooke, which was why is this important in your life? And then what are some other ideas for questions to help someone just kind of explore this, this more.

I think if you ask them about their past before you went to prison, who were you? Tell me about your family. Tell me about your life. Because as they start talking and they tell you about these things, then say they talk about their sister or their brother or you can actually, I feel you could see them make a shift. You see their facial, they smile more, they tear up, whatever it is. Oh, I see that you really had a connection with your sister. What's going on with your sister? And it dovetails. I don't know that there's a specific set of questions, but as you hear about them and care again, it goes back to caring. I feel care about them because they might not have been cared about in a long time. Then that helps them discover through those questioning. Yeah.

And I just recently discovered seven levels of why. Let me give an example of the seven levels of why. Let's just say losing weight because that's just the easiest thing. Why do you want to lose weight? And then the person says, because I'm tired of my pants not fitting. Why are you tired that your pants aren't fitting? And then you kind of dive in deeper. Pretty much the point is until the person's crying, you know, because then you're getting it.

Stacy, are you peeling the onion?

Oh, yeah.

See?

Onion, baby. I know, I know. I just read.

I mean, you know, you shed tears as you peel the onion.

Oh, my gosh, that's funny. I didn't even.

Every time. Every time you peel one out.

I hadn't thought of that either.

Oh, my God.

That's hysterical. So just, you guys know, we used to say that all the time at our company was, let's peel the onion. Because when you're interviewing someone, you want to get to the root of what their skill or their experience is. Because a lot of times people just give very superficial answers, as we can remember. Okay, so great. Well, I think that's great. So we have the peeling the onion as part of the identifying the why. And let's go to mindset. And, Brooke, I know you had some really good things as far as mindset when we were meeting that one day. And that's when I was really wanting to be able to just do this with you and then with Carlos, because this way of being able to brainstorm things is perfect since we both have the shared experience and everything. So what kind of mindset, I know for me, when I was thinking about it and the people that we would place is the biggest thing that they would have, I think that would get in their way was guilt or the blame or the shame. And it was really hard to move past that. And so. And I've talked to a few people since then who said one that had been working at the prison, and she had said, you don't want to get them to remove the guilt or the shame because you want them to still feel safe, sorry for what they did. But then it needs to just be then forgiven. They've got to be able to forgive themselves, so then they can actually expand their mind to do other things. And I was just wondering what you guys think would be helpful as far as mindset goes.

I think it's just focusing on it every day. We all make mistakes, and some mistakes are greater than others. Right. And I think based on that scale, that's kind of how. How bad you feel about your mistakes. And I think society does a great job at making some people that may have made some Mistakes feel a lot worse than others. And it's unfair in my opinion. But, you know, I'll save my. My political rant, but I think it's on a personal note, you know, knowing people that have struggled with that and they. It really does bog them down. It's almost like I wish you can. You can lose that part of yourself, just like forgive yourself. And I don't think there's. There's an easy. There's a formula, key cutter way to tell people this is how you forgive yourself. I think everybody finds their own way and finds their own motivation. And ultimately, I think if you have a good mentor back in maybe to coaching Stacey, you know, some people have never really had anybody in their corner. You think about, I don't know, we want to be cheesy and, you know, think about Rocky and think about the guy in his corner. He was always backing him up. So I think it's just if you have an angle, if you have a way, somebody like that in your corner, they're really taking advantage of that. And I think the hardest part is that a lot of people don't have that. They don't have somebody in their corner. And how do you navigate through it when you don't have somebody like that in your corner? And it's not easy. I think it takes a lot of. A lot of drive and internal will to be able to. To have that mindset. And those are the people that end up coming through. It's not all of them, which is unfortunate. And I wish there was some kind of secret formula which maybe we can create, discover some components of and inject back into the world. And I think that's the purpose and why we're all here. But I really do think it's that. It's that the people that lack that, how can we find a way to support them?

Brooke mentioned earlier when we were talking about the why and having someone that cares about them is really important. Right. And acknowledges them. And then going back to what you were saying, Carlos, with when we would coach people, that's something I noticed as well, is let's say someone didn't do well at a job or they didn't show up on time or whatever it is, we would actually coach them. And we had a script on, like, how to get them to improve and acknowledge the things they did well and acknowledge the things they didn't do well. And I just remember there were some people the first time you would coach them, it was the first time they've ever been coached. And they took it really well because in the past, people would just either fire them, they didn't do well, or just not tell them and let them just do subpar work. And so I think that kind of goes under mindset too, because not being defensive and being able to really acknowledge what you're hearing and then take it, take it to the next step. And I was just kind of wondering what else you guys thought would be good there.

Yeah. And that leads into basically taking account of your. Of the little wins, the little things that you do right. Throughout your day. Because it's so easy for them to get stuck in the guilt and just have that running through their head over and over again. Well, this is why I'm doing this. This is why I'm stuck here. Instead of thinking about that, if they think about, well, I got up in the morning, I brushed my teeth, I got to work on time, whatever those little wins are. And if I recommend something that I have even done myself is write them down at the end of the day. If they think about these things at the end of their day before they go to sleep at night, it's something that they now go to sleep thinking about the good things they did, their successes, no matter how small. And then they're thinking about that versus thinking about anything else that's going on in their life or that happened in the past. And then when they get up in the morning, same thing. Look forward to what is coming in the day and what they can do and be successful with and what maybe they're thankful for. Maybe if all it was is they were thankful for a good night's rest.

Yeah. And I think there's something to that psychological win. Right. I got out of bed, I. And to work on time or whatever it is, it's really being able to acknowledge yourself for these little moments. So then you're feeling like you're already winning the day.

Absolutely. Another thing is if they actually have an accountability partner, if they had somebody that they were working with, they, whatever that, that thing that they were trying to do, if it's get up on time, maybe they. They constantly get up late. And so it makes them late for work or it's bringing a healthy snack with them. I don't know, whatever it is. But if they check in with that person every other day or something. Hey, Bob, how'd you do on getting up to your alarm? And somebody, again, that's holding them accountable and cares for their successes and it's going to do the same, vice versa. Yeah.

And what do you guys think about regret when they get into that regret mode, because I know that was something I noticed a lot. And obviously it's successful expected, right? Especially if you know you've done something wrong and then you get out and then there's like the feelings of shame and regret. Is there anything that you think that could help someone kind of work through that more?

I mean, I think it goes back to what Brooke was saying. If you do have somebody solid in your life that can be that, that co. Accountability partner, then you. I, I would, I would like to say you don't struggle with it as much. I think the people that don't have that or that maybe are seeking that and are struggling to find that. I mean, if you think about it, let's say you're in a semi toxic environment where you want what Brooke is mentioning, but it doesn't seem feasible. Everybody that you surround yourself with is not the person you want to be your accountability partner. How do you navigate through that and how do you stay positive through that until you actually find someone? And I think that's where people, people tend to relapse. They are in these environments, unfortunately, where they don't have the opportunity to make a connection with somebody that is going to have a positive influence in their life. And that's where they snowball back to bad habits. And I think regret is a key component that can help people circle back into that negative downward spiral. So, yeah, I mean, it's hate to say it, but it's, it's not easy. It's not easy to be able to find that, that positive outlet. And I think the people that are able to find that and cling on to that are lucky because it is, it is not. I would, I wouldn't think, I would say it's not very common out there that you go into a shelter, you go into a program. I mean it's, that might not necessarily. It's not like, hey, Brooke, welcome, here you go, come, come check it out. No, you have to find out for yourself. And I think that just goes back to attitude. If you have the attitude, if you're like, you know what? I am not going back to jail. I don't know, matter, no matter anything. I am not and I'm going to figure it out. Then you do figure it out. And I think maybe the people that have a weaker mindset end up falling into those, back into those unwanted behaviors and unfortunately relapse back into where they don't want to be.

And you're making me think about let's say this program does go to them when they're in prison still, right? If they could do what Brooke saying with that, with the questions of like, what are you winning? What did you win today? Or what, what were your wins today? And it's already that practice and that muscle and that consistency and that habit and the unconscious thing that's happening now. It's like your articular activating system is going to be now looking for your wins. And so by the time they get out of prison, it's already going to be programmed in their mind to do that. And so I think the idea of those questions of time, but the questions is like that pattern interrupt that can break that. That spiral of that. Do you guys have any other thoughts of. Of questions like that with the winds of the day or anything like that that could really help them kind of break the pattern when they're getting stuck in that. In that hyper focus. Regret or blame or shame.

I apologize for repeating myself, but I'm going to go back to gratitude, too. Not only just the wins, but what can you be grateful for, as silly as this might sound? I was just talking to my son. He was very bummed about he had to go to school today. And my younger daughter, 3 years old, got to go to Legoland with my parents. And he was very upset about that. He got bummed and negative. And I was like, well, what can you be grateful for? What are the things that you do get to do with them? What are the things you get to do with your friends? What are the things. And I just started to remind him of all the things that he had to be grateful for instead of being stuck in the negativity and the bumness of not going today. And I think that's something else, that pattern interrupt. You said that instead of, oh, I'm bummed to be digging this ditch, or I'm bummed that I didn't get up on time, or I'm upset at myself that I relapsed. Whatever it is, okay, I relapsed. But guess what? I'm thinking about it. I remembered that I. I'm grateful that I realized that I relapsed and I can do something to change it.

So I'm not gonna lie, Brooke. I had a moment today where things got a little nitty gritty and I had to take a moment to count my. My blessings and not my struggles. Yeah, that's all it took. I mean, it took me five minutes. You know, I called my wife and I said, hey, you know I was starting to get a little, a little crabby about things and I just decided to put it in neutral, take a couple moments to appreciate what I do have and then realize that these challenges are not gonna, they're not gonna defeat me and get back in the mindset. And yeah, I think, I think being, having the ability and Stacy, back to what you're saying, I think it's just strong will, right? At the end of the day, the one person you can always count on is yourself. You're always gonna be there. I'm not saying that it's. You can always count on others and then especially if you have a good support system, whether it's family or friends. But at the end of the day, if you know how to identify that, you can count on yourself and be able to circle back to that. I think that's what really helps the people that when they are going through these challenging situations and they don't have a positive influence as long as they themselves are a positive influence back to project that back to themselves, then that's, that that's a level up and it's not easy. It is. I can only, I mean I can, I've been through some, you know, challenging situations myself and I can always, I guess, circle back to saying that I'm grateful that I did have at least the strong will to count on myself and I did have others that, that supported me. But I can truly say I've always had myself to count on. If you don't have yourself to count on, then maybe that's, that's the place to start finding that, that, that confidence to count on yourself. Whatever, whatever that's going to take. It's going to be different for everybody. But especially people going through some, maybe some post trauma and things like that.

There's a lot in there, number one with you counting on yourself. I mean, I noticed this even from having that integrity with yourself. So let's say you're. I'm only going to have two French fries. Only have two french fries because once you have the third French fry, you've now let yourself down and that's just an easy way to do it. But like following through on the things that you say that you say you're going to do to yourself, like, oh, I'm going to go to bed at 9 o' clock every night this week, you know, go to bed at 9:00', clock, don't go to bed at 9:02 because that's a win you're going to have. And so that's something I think is really great. And then the other thing you mentioned was that idea, and Brooke, too, that idea of, like, flexing the muscle, of doing this pattern interrupt and doing the gratitude and doing these things, because the more that you do it, the more it's going to become consistent. So when you actually are having a bad day, it's going to be more automatic, you know, versus you just all of a sudden deciding out of the blue to do it. It's going to be a lot harder because you're not going to remember it's.

Not even a bad day. It's certain moments of your day that can be challenging. But if you allow it, then, you know, cliche. Oh, I'm having a bad day. No, you're just having a bad moment in your day. Are you going to let that make. Make your day bad, or are you going to get over your funk? Hop on the bus, Gus, and let's go. And I think that's back to mindset. You know, if you know that you can flip that switch and not let a moment in, a bad moment in your day, make your whole day bad, then you're gonna win, you know? And I definitely can tell you that that happens quite often where I'm like, yeah, this is just a challenge in my day, and I can either let it define my day or. Or not. And that's something I can control.

And then what do you guys think about, like, a perspective shift for mindset? Do you have any thoughts on helping someone shift perspective? Because I think that could be a big. A big key here for people that are kind of going through this.

So I would say affirmations, if you can. Even if you don't believe it, fake it till you make it. If you don't believe you're healthy, happy, loved. If you don't feel you're a successful person. But if you can say it and say it over and over and over again, if you can force yourself to smile, like you said, flexing the muscle. I do remember the people also that were more successful smiled more. I hate to say it, but the ones that walked around with the grumpy face, they had the grumpy attitude. The ones that when I'd see them, they'd look up and they'd give me a smile. They are the ones that were able to shift that mindset. So if they could say along with those gratitudes, like, pick something if they feel unloved, just reminding themselves they are loved, there's somebody out there that loves them, that cares for them, and it will. It will bring that to them. I truly believe in that law of attraction as well. And it. The more they believe it, the more it will come.

I interviewed someone a month ago. She was a wilderness therapist. And I loved this idea also based on this affirmation. She just said, if it's too. If it's too high of an affirmation and you don't believe it and you're having a hard time, then you can almost flip it. So, for example, if it. If you're saying you want to ask the person what's good about today and they just can't think of anything, then you can say, well, what doesn't suck about today? And that's like an access point to start to get them to open up and then eventually they'll be able to say what's good. Right? Because once you say what doesn't suck, it sort of opens it up. So that's another just thought is just meeting them where they're at. If it's something that they're having a hard time doing.

I think it also circles back, Cecil. It's how you say what you say. And I can give you a couple of examples of that. Recently I saw this post that said, like, hey, you know, wisdom's been trying to catch up to you, but you seem to keep going a little too fast. You just called me stupid in a really nice way. And unless I really paid attention to what you were saying, you don't pick up on it. So I think just how you say certain things can be very, very, very impactful. And that's really one thing. And I think, Stacey, I missed out on it one year where I think you and a few other colleagues did that. How was that? Course I think it was when Theo was born that I met you. You wanted me to go to it.

And you ended up, oh, the nlp.

Yeah. So it's really just like, how are you saying these things? How are you portraying these thoughts onto others to put things in a positive. And that's my biggest take nowadays is, you know, I really need to be good at. At saying what I want to say. And if I am, then it does have a positive impact. And it's something that I focus on daily because I want to be able to be that motivational leader and cognizant of how I'm saying certain things to have the impact that I want it to have on people. And yeah, it's a daily work in.

Progress, I would say popped into my head is letting them know that they don't have to take on other people's stuff. What other people say about them isn't necessarily true. And when they hear something or feel that look or that vibe or somebody makes a comment that they overhear, they don't have to own it. They're not what other people speak of them. They're what they speak of themselves.

Okay guys, so we're, we've done the I'm part of the formula identifying the why and mindset. Some really great nuggets there. We sort of touched on the other pieces already, but I thought we could just kind of finish through the formula just to make sure we're not missing anything. But now we're on the G in game. So. Goals. We talked about a few things. Setting a goal just even to say what they're grateful for that day or what are my wins for today. What are some other good goals that you think would be. And it doesn't have to be crazy, but just some other good goals someone could have that would help them?

I mean, on my end, I think so recently I've been working and recruiting a lot of engineers and I think, I guess my biggest take on it would be when it comes to goals, how do you, how do you balance creativity and, and functionality? So you know, we can all dream of making the world a better place, but in reality is, is it a feasible option? And I think it's identifying those people that can, can find that balance, that they, they are creative but at the same time they don't live in la la land and their creativity is somehow stable or stabilized in a way where it can be functional. So I think that's the biggest thing I've been looking at with goals is I want to empower creativity and I want you to come and say, hey, I have these crazy ass goals. But at the same time they're not too crazy that they're, that they're still attainable, if that makes sense.

Absolutely. And I think the small. Reminding them that even small goals are important. Whatever, whatever level of goals, it's. You said it earlier and I'm going to repeat myself again, but flexing that muscle, habits, creating habits. So if you set a goal that's really attainable and you know you can attain and you achieve it, it could be setting your alarm and getting up on time. It could be brushing your teeth. It could be any little thing. It could be saying three things of gratitude every morning when you wake up, something that they know they can achieve. So if they do that little goal, then they do that for a week, and then they add on to it, they add another goal. Those little baby steps, I think would be huge.

Okay. And then going into the A of I'm game, which is accountability, and we. We talked a little bit about that. And some part of that accountability will be you actually saying you're going to write down your wins. That's actually accountability because you're saying your goal is to write down your wins. The account part is to actually write them. And I was just wondering what else you guys thought would be good. We talked about maybe partnering with someone else. Like, what would be the best way someone could partner with someone else and kind of find another person or that can help them with this.

I mean, are they mostly. I. This is the level. I don't know, are they in transitioning houses or do they have a counselor or somebody typically that would be available for that or. Not really.

Not really. I mean, from the people that I've spoken to. So I have a limited view right now. I'm still exploring it and talking to people, but pretty much they are meeting with a counselor. The people that I've talked to so far that have left prison basically had said they didn't really have much support. They talked to a counselor once a month on Zoom and then had a parole officer meeting. Actually, I'm sorry. They talked to a counselor, I think it was twice a month on Zoom and then had a parole officer meeting. But it was very light kind of thing. It wasn't like systemized type thing. So I'm not sure yet at what point this curriculum is going to go. I think it's going to go into the prison directly because I'd rather them learn while they have a safe environment around them. You know, so when they come out, they'll already have the skills built up. And we keep talking about flexing the muscle. They'll already have flexed the muscle to do these things. But I'm still. It's still a little fuzzy. So I think. I think it's just also. I think just think of it as whatever and maybe just think of the people we worked with. We can just. That that's a good start is because since we have that same experiences. What do you think? What do you think they could have done to help them be more accountable, to reach their. To be able to do the thing, if you want to say it that way.

So one of my favorite quotes is accountability is the glue that binds commitment to results. And hopefully you guys will laugh when I say that because I'm sure You've read it on somebody's signature. But I think it goes back to really that what are you committing yourself to? And then are you're set on the results that that commitment is going to do? And that's how you hold yourself accountable? I think it comes from some NASA's project manager, but really it's, it's, it's that where is your commitment? You're really committed to something you're. You're not going to struggle with. Accountability, I guess, would be the best way I could phrase that.

And I think I from your, your kind of main question was, you know, how do you find an accountability partner? I mean, I think that their first step depends on their network. It depends on their support system, if they have family that are waiting for them when they get out, if they that are. That they can be in touch with whoever they can use. Absolutely. But going back to, I think what Carlos said earlier, if they don't, it's okay to use your yourself. If you write down what that goal is and you check in with yourself at the end of the day, did you hit that goal? And if you didn't really being honest with yourself on why they didn't, and then doing it again the next day and recommitting themselves to do it if they don't have that person that's going to motivate them and help them along the way.

Yeah. And you're making me think I want to add something also, which it's who could you tell just by simply you telling will make you feel more accountable. Like that happened. I just finished this challenge 75 hard a few weeks ago, and because I told my daughter about that I was doing it. And then I announced it on the podcast. I actually didn't have an accountability partner through it, but that motivated me enough to continue to do it, even though everyone else that was going to do it with me bailed because I had already announced that I was going to do it to both her and then the podcast. So I think that would be another way of saying it is to tell someone that you. Their opinion matters to you.

Yeah.

Well.

And honestly, if you're creating a curriculum and you have some sort of board, some sort of network, something that they could post to and check in with, that even somebody just likes it, that somebody saw that that was their goal and hit a like button. Okay, I've been acknowledged now I have to own that.

Yeah.

And I think just circling back to what we were saying earlier, you know, some people might not have that network where really their network is. I mean, I hate to circle back to it, but it's just them. And I think as long as you can kind of create a dashboard for those most important numbers or values and create that, that measurement for progress, then, then, I mean you can't know how you're doing unless you measure it. So I think that sometimes you might need it because I'm totally a team player. But I, I keep going back to like the island of me and really just focusing. If, if all you got is yourself, then that's, that's okay. Eventually some people might join your island, but acknowledging if that is where you're at, that's, that's still okay and you can still bounce back as long as you have that personal accountability, which I think is just very higher level mindset. I, I think there are people that do have that and then that do succeed and bounce back, but I think it's a small percentage, I don't think a huge percentage of people that are actually faced with that where the system isn't supporting them and they still find a way through. I think if the system supported more people and there's, I mean it's cheesy, but how do you create that system of mentorship that is genuine, that is organic? Because nobody wants that cookie cutter. Oh, you mean, I mean imagine if your PO was supposed to be your bff. Are you really going to open up to that person? Is that person really going to be your mentor? Is that person really going to be the one that you, you strive to hold yourself accountable to? I don't know.

Yeah. And if you're going to hold yourself accountable, it's, I think Brooke said this earlier, it's starting off with these small wins. So then you're building up that confidence to believe in yourself again and, and then you're seeing that you follow through on the things that you commit to, which I think is really, really important. Okay, so now we're going on to the M of the formula which is my people. I am like in love with my people right now. This is probably my favorite piece because they're so long. Everyone talks about like minded people and being around the five people and I do think that's really important to have like really supportive and encouraging friends and network around you. But I realized my people is different than my like minded people because it's people that are doing the same thing as you and that are kind of in a, in a group in that way. And so like an example, if you're going to Run a marathon. It's really hard unless you're like the most disciplined person already to just be with really cool, supportive people. You need to be with people that are also running a marathon because you're going to get caught up in that momentum of whatever it is that, that, that thing is. So let's talk about my people. I mean obviously if I end up doing the curriculum, I can probably create this, my people surrounding system for them to be able to have people that are all going through the same thing and encouraging and supporting them. But I'm just wondering on top of that and if we think about what we, who we were placing, what that situation was, what's a great way to kind of set up that support system or that they could set up the support system for themselves? I want to empower the person to do it, to be able to seek out this type of thing.

I mean, I think a place of employment if they have gotten to that level like we had, is a perfect place. If they are, you know, hubbing together at any point, if there's a meeting, if there's a safety talk, whatever it is, if it gathers the crew together, it's seeking out the, the person like that is also striving. Doesn't have to be in their exact spot, doesn't have to mean that they, they were in prison too. It's just somebody that is motivated in that job. Like maybe it's somebody that they want to strive to be more like some putting yourself again around. It goes back to that like minded person. But if it's already in their environment, it makes it even easier. This person's been at the job for six months. I've only been there for a week. I want to be at the job for six months. So I want to do the things that that person's doing.

And I think it's also back to goals, making sure if you identify that you have the same goals as someone else, then that's your people, that's the people you want to gel with. And if you identify that, okay, I have the same, whether it's running a marathon or staying out of jail or staying sober or whatever it is, you identify that with people that don't necessarily, like Brooke was saying, have the same background you do, but have the same goal. They are striving to push to finish that 24, whatever mile marathon is, then then that's, that's who you want to, that's who you want to surround yourself with. That's who's going to have a positive influence on you and, and help you get to achieving the goals that similarly you might have with that other person.

Yeah, and I'm glad you guys mentioned that, because my people totally is also that people with the same goal and then seeking out people that are also striving because there is the risk of being around people that are the same, doing same thing as you, but just aren't positive or really trying to empower themselves to do better and then that kind of risks. I mean, I don't want to use the word trauma bonding, but I can't think of another word. But like, that does risk the trauma bonding idea if you're not with people that are having goals to improve or striving. So I think that's a really good distinction. I'm glad we, we kind of brought up on this.

The other thing that just popped into my head too, and this is a, a physical thing that depending on their situation, they could potentially do is not putting themselves back into the negative environment that they were in. Because I think it's really easy if you're back in your same hometown, your same around the same friends that were waiting for you to get out of prison that they just, they fall in back into that same. The negative people that they don't that got them there in the first place. So if they're not physically around those people, then it's easier to seek out the better people that they're looking for without kind of just already getting inundated with the old bad influences.

Totally. And then we can move on to the E of I'm gain, which is educate. And there's two parts to educate. One is educating yourself, and then the other part is educating others. So educating yourself could be you learning from books, podcasts, YouTube videos, TEDx talks, any kind of documentaries, biographies. I mean, the list could go on. It could be hiring, it could be getting a mentor, a coach. It could be learning from others. You know, like, because you, when you learn from others, you compress time. But I thought we could just kind of talk about that a little bit. And if you guys had thoughts on ways that they could really empower themselves to learn what they need to do to be able to do the thing.

I think something like that is needed to give them that jumping off point. Because if somebody's already providing them with an initial template to learn, then it starts them on that path to more learning and gets them thinking about ways that they can. Because they might not have the same access initially to the tools that we do. And unless they're Kind of handed it to start. It might be hard to get on that path.

Yeah. And you just made me think of something else that I didn't consider, which is like, we kind of assume people have the same knowledge that we do, even in terms of, like, habits or showing up to work on time, not leaving work early, but they don't, you know, So a lot of that is education too, I think, is understanding, like someone maybe explaining the why it's important to do this and like, what the expectations are and then having them sort of learn that to be able to follow through with those types of things. You know what I mean?

I think, I think within society there's a semi negative stigma to learning. Right. Well, why do you gotta learn? You know? Because you're a dumbass. No, like, I want to learn because I want to professionally develop. And that's one thing that I will always be grateful to my previous employer is that they. They always pushed me to professionally develop. And that splashed over into my personal life. And I think that that, that resonates into, you know, every aspect of the work. The work chain hierarchy. That it is okay that you want to learn. It is okay. I mean, you know, my current employer is advocating, is telling me to advocate for our tuition reimbursement program, saying, hey, we are giving you money to go learn as long as you can find an angle on how to relate this back. I mean, we had somebody that was interested in geology, and they're like, how do you relate geology back to this? And they're like, well, you know, we have a environmental engineering department. Okay, you just found the angle that you needed to find to justify your tuition for geology. And it's just that, like, I don't care if this dude's interested in rocks. I'm interested that he's interested in learning. And I think that that is just so valuable when you do have people that want to learn. I don't care what you want to learn. I just care that you want to learn. And making sure that there's a platform for that to be projected in a positive light. You know, I think. I think. I don't know. Oh, well, you're 40 and you're going to school. You're a dumbass. No, like, I'm trying to make myself a better person. And unfortunately, I think that's across the board, you know, through. Through some social circles. How that that is viewed, which I don't agree with.

But those aren't your people.

Yeah, those are not my. Don't hang out with those Fools.

Yeah.

And then I was also wondering, like, there's something so much. There's something really powerful about the educating others part of this piece, because if you look at, like, the 12 step programs, they've mastered this idea of having a sponsor, which is someone that's already gone through that thing. And then the other thing that's really interesting about it that I've sort of been identifying lately is they even give the person, like, a role. And I'm not even talking about 12 step programs. Toastmaster Toastmasters does this too, where they give the person a role. So then you feel even more accountable to show up to whatever this thing is. You know, and I mentioned earlier, I think I was telling you, Brooke, I just joined this, like, comedy class that I'm doing, and I honestly wasn't even the mood to go when I. When on the first session, just because it was so. It's so out of my comfort zone. I was tired. I had just traveled the week before, but a friend of mine was going, and that, like, kind of got me more excited to go to that thing. And so whatever you're gonna be able to, like, latch onto to. And when I went, it was amazing. I had the best time. I got all this energy, you know. And the same thing happens with the 12 step programs or even Toastmasters. You sign up for this role, and then you're in this, like, teaching mode to be able to educate people. So it kind of, like, balances through. Actually, it kind of balances through everything from educating others to accountability to the. My people and all that stuff. So anyway, I just thought we could kind of speak a little bit to that, and if you guys had any thoughts about how to kind of incorporate that into this too, I mean, I.

Definitely agree with that. The best way to learn something is to teach sinks in more and more when you actually have to regurgitate it and teach somebody else. So it really would be amazing if this community is formed and they learn to say the first steps are the gratitude and the wins. So now they've done it for a month, and now the next person that's coming out behind them, they. Instead of you teaching that or the curriculum teaching that, they actually have to teach it to the next person that's behind them.

I totally agree on that. And I think my purpose when it comes to educating is not holding back knowledge. If these are things that I have learned, then I. I feel like it's my. My. My. My responsibility to. To teach it down other people unwillingly. Right. So, like, not holding Back the knowledge and. And whatever. If I think I. I shared that with you, Stacy, where it's like, sometimes you might not even know that you shared something with someone else, and that person shared it with someone else, and you don't really know the impact and how it snowballed. And that's okay because you didn't do it for that acknowledgment component. Right? You did it out of your unselfishness and just wanting to. I mean, we all encounter those situations where you have the opportunity to teach somebody something, and then you don't know how much further down the line that's gonna go. You don't know how the person you just had that interaction with and taught them whatever you taught them, are they gonna teach that to somebody else? And then is that person gonna teach that somebody else? And down the line, and it could be something as simple as, hey, like, show up to work every day. Hey, make sure that if you do show up to work, you. You show up, motivate. Like, you're showing up to do your job. You're not showing up to collect eight hours a day. You know, I think. And we've all. We've all talked about that where those are the people we value. They're the people that they're not going to, oh, it's eight minutes before my. My day is done. They're going to go find something to do. They're not going to milk those eight minutes, which is really easy to do. And I think when. When you do that unconsciously, it goes a long way. You're. You're sharing that. Whatever knowledge you have to others and you're educating them, and then they might educate others further. And you don't even see the impact because, I mean, it's hard to quantify that.

I just thought of something too, that they actually do. I'm part of a recruiter group, and they do a really good job of doing this and that. I actually just got a message from somebody in the group that's brand new to the group. I've only been in the group for three months, and one of the leaders of the group told him to reach out to me because I've been in the program longer and I might have some good advice and suggestions. So not only did it give me the boost of, oh, they think I'm doing a good job. So it made me feel good. Now I have somebody that's looking for me to help mentor them. So that would be awesome is if whoever the leader or a facilitator of this type of curriculum or program was actually if. If you could see somebody that did good, if they. And they are putting their goals up every day on that board or whatever it is. And then this newbie, you say, okay, you want to reach out to John, because now if that. That guy gets that acknowledgment, hey, somebody saw. I did. I'm doing well, and now they want somebody to be mentored by me. That's going to dovetail, I think, and would be amazing.

Okay, guys, so we're closing down now. So what are your thoughts of what we talked about? Any big takeaways that you think, you know, you're kind of coming away with?

I would say my big takeaways are wins, accountability, gratitude, the little things, knowing that you're cared for, even if it's for yourself.

I think my biggest takeaway is the my people. I'm happy that you guys are my people. And even though we haven't been working side by side as regularly as maybe we were at some point, just hearing you guys talk and hearing you guys mindset, you guys are definitely my people. And it just. It motivates me to want to continue to be around people. You know, maybe it's not every day. Maybe it's once a month. Maybe it's once every other month. Whatever it is, it's keeping that Bible live and knowing that there are people like you out there that are wanting to educate and share what. What we've been maybe privileged to learn and not keep that to ourselves and. And make make this world a better place. I know that sounds really cheesy, but I think at the end of the day, we're all on this call this whatever time of day it is right now for that purpose. And I'm happy that you guys are my people. And we need to just make sure that we identify the people that are like this and bring them into the circle and allow them to share what we're sharing amongst ourselves.

So cool. Yeah, you guys, this was awesome. I can't thank you enough for doing this with me. And it feels like it's really cool, just kind of, like getting back into this little energy bubble that we've got going. And just all the time that we've known each other and having the, you know, a lot of the same experiences with the people that we've worked with. So I appreciate you so much for coming on.

Thank you, Stacy. It's been fun.

Yeah. Thank you. Had a blast chatting with y'.

All.

Thanks for listening to the. Do the Thing podcast. We hope you enjoyed the show, but even more, we hope you'll be inspired to do the Thing. Do you have a burning question on Doing the Thing that you'd like answered? How about an inspiring do the Thing story of your own that you'd like to share? We'd love to hear all about it. Just leave us a voice message at dothething callcast co or email usello the Thing.