Dr. Amelia Case: Discover This Behavior Expert's 5-Step Process For Unlocking All The Assets Collected In Your Unique Database Of Life

I do really believe 100% from every part of me that everyone has the capacity to be able to do the things that they want and not to be held back by the mental baggage that's in our head that we want to push through.

Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. In each episode, we get down and personal with people who go after the things they want to make all their wildest dreams come true. Join us as we unveil and dissect a formula for what it takes to do the thing. Here is your host, Stacy Lauren.

Hey, everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacy Lauren. So I love these kinds of episodes when I am able to explore different ideas and concepts that I've been pondering over, and then I get to bring an amazing expert on to talk through it and really identify the direction that I want to go with these pieces of the formula that I've been uncovering through the interviews. And today's guest has done another episode with me under episode number 13, and it was about the seven beast brains. And we was an amazing conversation that actually has helped me a lot through my time that I really needed it the most, understanding this concept of the beasts. So definitely check that out if you haven't yet. But as far as today's episode, we're going to go through something that, like I said, I've been exploring. So I'm so excited to welcome Dr. Amelia Case the show. Hi, Amelia. Hello. How are you? Good.

I'm so glad to be here. Good.

I'm so glad you're here.

Thanks.

I find this really interesting is through our work together, I sometimes I don't realize what something means until a year later. Oh, that's why she did that with me. And that's the case with this thing that we're talking about today is when I remember when I was exiting my business, you had told me to write down this list. And I think it was a hundred things of all the things that I've done that I'm most proud of, and what are some of my biggest experiences that I've had with my company and things that I've done. And obviously, that was really helpful to me as I was exiting that business because it was my identity, and it had to really kind of figure out what I wanted to do next. And having that list really helped me sort of explore those ideas. But as I've been figuring out this formula for the do the Thing formula, I realized how important that was because in terms of having transferable skills, skills that you have had doing something else, even though it's not directly related to the thing. So, like, for example, when I first started this podcast, it was funny because I was nervous, right? And I was like. I was like, oh, my gosh, I don't know. I've never done this podcast before. I had all these limiting thoughts come up about could I do it? And then when I finally realized, what am I talking about? One of my past things that I've done is I've interviewed thousands of people for jobs. And then when I realized that and interviewed with companies, helping them figure out their bottlenecks and their business. And once I realized that, I was then able to more easily interview people for the podcast. And then this came up again when I interviewed Anastasia. She escaped Ukraine and is now helping 130 women find jobs and find shelter. And it was her company from before her escaping, where she actually helps companies transform their service. And I realized that by her having that business, that's how she was able to create this amazing community of women to be able to support each other when the war happened in Ukraine. And so this concept of transferable skills is so much bigger than I can even put my head around. So I just wanted to talk about that a little bit so we can explore that more and how people at home and that are listening can do that with the things that they've done. So as they're doing new things, they're able to really kind of like, get into their own superhero superpower zone, if that makes sense.

And so what do you think would.

Be the first step for someone listening on how to be able to extract their transferable skills? Well, I.

The first thing that I would say is there's. Everyone has a history, and the history is made up of all of these experiences where there are challenges and they're overcoming challenges, and then there are learnings and new skills and preferences established. And it's not just that it's a storyline. It's a story where something's been overcome, something new has been learned, something has been sharpened, something has been preferred or chosen. And each one of those things is sort of what I would consider like a life asset. Okay, you might say I got in arguments with people, but, you know, learning how to navigate an argument is really an asset, or. I had two choices in my life, and I chose one. Well, making a choice as an asset. And also, whatever was chosen ends up being an asset of some kind or overcoming a problem or developing a new skill or whatever it was that was learned. You might not Think of it as an asset because it hasn't had an exact place to go. But every single thing that you've done in your life that you could actually put your finger on is something that's some kind of asset for your life. When you're looking forward at what's upcoming, it seems you're assetless. Oh my God. I don't know what's going to happen and I don't seem to have anything to bring forward. It's because we take all of those assets that have kind of built up in our lives for granted. I think that those. It's more like a biological perspective. There's a famous biological adage that says ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny. And it's a fancy way of saying nature never builds a system without using it again and again. And it will build old systems on top of existing systems. A good example of that is the brain. Like we have an ancient brain and then we have a different kind of brain piled on top of that. And a different type, a different type until we have the frontal lobe, which is the outside part of our brain that's piled on top of all the inner types of the brain. And evolutionarily, each one happened at a certain time. Assets of kind of fight or flight brain. That's the beast brain. We think of that as being kind of a low functioning brain. It's ancient. And our evolution wasn't done with that. It built on a new type of brain and then it built on a new type of brain. So these layers of brains. And we see that throughout biology. And I think it happens sociologically, psychologically as well. So whatever it is that I know you, and I know that you are incredible in terms of your enthusiasm and, and your knowledge about what you love to be or do or have. And that makes you an incredible salesperson. And that's something you just take for granted. But those are, you know, every sales conversation you've had or every time when you've been enthusiastic about something or solve someone's problem, or shared something that you love, you have built another asset, another sort of sales asset in your own body and mind that stays with you. So when you came to this point and the idea that you could even think for one minute that you don't have anything to offer going forward was just ludicrous because you had this whole evolution of all these assets that had built up. And in fact, it's your very assets that you have in your life that do catapult you forward into the next Evolution. They're the groundwork for the next evolution. They're the jumping off part for the next evolution. So rather than think of it as transferable skills, which sounds to me. I understand that, but it's very kind of a dry way of looking at it. I think of it as being much more rich. Like, oh, these are assets that, you know, you've collected in your life in this incredible database of life, and you have all these assets, and you didn't even look at them. So that exercise is a really amazing exercise for anybody to. To do, to really appreciate what kind of richness all of their experience in life has brought them to today. Wow, you know, what have I overcome? What have I learned? What are the skill sets? What are the choices I made? You know, there's some key sort of triggering questions that can make it easy to make that list. And then once that list is made, I don't know what your experience is, but when you get going on making that list, you start to think like, my God, I'm. I'm unbelievable. I'm at 50 and I can see I'm going to write 500 of these things. You really realize what kind of how rich your experiences are in terms of what you have to offer to yourself in the world from that moment forward.

I was just going to say, there's so much I love about that, and I really love. I love the word assets, because I hadn't looked at it that way, so I'm going to be changing this officially now to that word. I think that's so incredible. And then the other thing that's coming to my mind is that whole concept of what you focus on grows. You know, kind of like if you think about what's bad about today, you're gonna easily think about what's bad versus if you think about what's good, you're Autumn. Automatically your brain's gonna look for the good. It's the same with finding your assets is. And that's what happened to me. It's like all of a sudden, these things started to come out over time, and I think that they're still coming out just from having that. That idea planted in my unconscious mind of me trying to find the information.

The other thing that's really fun about this is it's needed most. When we're in our darkest moments, when you really feel like you're purposeful in what you're doing, it feels like you've got something to do. And you. You know who you are at that moment. You know, it's so easy to know who you are when things are going well and when those dark moments come and dark moments are defined that because we don't feel enlightened, we feel endarkened. You know, we feel things are dark and cloudy and it's unclear then the feelings that go along with that are really heavy feelings, of course they are metabolically happening. Like when there's so much cortisol and adrenaline and norepinephrine dousing our systems, it just feels, excuse me, things are just bad. And so it's at those moments where we feel like down and it might even be feeling as far as bad as hopeless or purposeless or totally uncertain that we need something that will change the way we feel. And making a list like that, it's at the beginning of making that list, it's sort of fake it till you feel it. You know, you're writing it, sort of sticking your heels into the ground, oh, I'm going to write this because I'm supposed to write this, but this is stupid. And you write it and you write it and you write it. You know, all of a sudden you've written more and written more and written more and all of a sudden the cortisol, the adrenaline, the norepinephrine, they go away and you start to get dosed with the other hormones. You get the dopamine and the oxytocin and the serotonin and you feel in the endorphins and you say, oh, things look better, the clouds are clearing. I feel enlightened. And so that the first steps of making a list like that, I think that's where as a coach I can say, this is where my work comes in. It's saying like, come on, you need to just get this started. Once you get this started, it will take hold itself, itself. Because I know the person will like sort of fake it writing the list. But once they get past some critical point, then the person will be like, wait, this kind of starts to feel weirdly interesting and natural. And I think the end result is exactly what you experienced is just starting to feel appreciation and respect, unconditional love for the self. You know, you're not focused on all your shortcomings, you're not even focused on being incredible or something like that. It's just this sense of appreciation. Wow, look at what I have collected of myself in this life. And even the mistakes and the mess ups and the challenges that you've overcome, they're seen in a different light because they start to be seen as assets they're seen as strengths, as accomplishments, which of course, doesn't take away from the fact that they were difficult or painful or troubling at the time. But in light of looking into the future, it adds some kind of strength to the future.

Wow.

I can't believe, you know, what I. What I have done. Who knows what's to come? Just a different attitude when looking forward. I think also there's a different attitude looking back as well. It's saying, oh, geez, for a minute there, I thought I had an uneventful past or failures or, you know, something crappy. And now that I look at it as a whole, looks pretty rich. And then when you look forward, you think, well, my God, I'm ready to step into the future because I just glean from my past that there's space for this unique set of assets that I am or that I have.

There's so much that I love about this because you're really starting to learn more about yourself, too, and where your. Where your spark is by being able to take that moment of reflection and really identifying the parts of the things that you've done that have really resonated in your life. And so I like the perspective shift, too, and taking that time away from. From your everyday life and being able to, like, do this exercise. What do you think is the best thing for them to do? Let's say I'm listening to this. Okay.

What are they talking about?

You know, now they're all of a sudden starting to listen because they're like, I. That word, assets. That sounds fun. So what do they do? What's step one for them when they're about to. To approach this?

Step one is. This is what I would say is in any moment when you're feeling crappy or down or low or hopeless or uncertain or dark or cloudy, the first and biggest step is to say, I'm going to make a decision. It's like an act of faith. I know that if I do this thing that I'm going to have some outcome that will work in my favor, and so I'm going to have faith enough to do it. So. And that leads to this step of saying discipline. When someone does this kind of exercise, I have what's called the three hour rule. So three hours, people might be like, oh, my God, who has three hours to sit down and do a piece of homework? But I'm going to say this, that three hours is a really magical amount of time. It's. It's. I say about as much time to Go to the movie theater, watch a movie, and go home. You can say like, okay, I'm gonna get my paper and pen out, or I'm gonna sit at my computer, I'm gonna get my cup of tea or coffee, and I'm going to block everything out, and I'm just going to process something just for me, and I'm gonna know that I've been forewarned that the beginning could be kind of slow. The beginning part that's kind of slow is something. 20, 30 minutes is like the slow time. That's it. By the time that happens, you're so glad that you have carved out this time, because all of a sudden, the pace starts to increase, and it's all these neurons and all these circuits in the brain are going like, wait, pick me, pick me. Write me down, write me down. It starts to kind of snowball. And that's something that you don't want to interrupt. You don't want to have to say, okay, that's enough. This is one of those few times in life where you want to say, bring it on. Let your nervous system, let your brain really download these facts and really enjoy that process. So having said that, some people break it up. And I've had many people tell me, I wish I had given this more. I didn't really believe you. Three hours seemed like so long, and I had to cut it off because I had something else to do. Once people do learn the value of that kind of time invested in the self, then the three hours becomes a really believable, worthwhile time slot for the self. So that's the first thing I would say is when you're doing something like this that has the power to change your brain and change your hormones and change your heart and change the way you're feeling and change your life, it's worth just putting that time aside. And then the question is specifically, am I able to right now, go through my life and collect my experiences that I will be able to see as assets? And so there are five specific things that are worth gathering. So one is challenges. So start with what are the challenges that I have had that I've overcome? And be really generous with that. It could be anything from, you know, when I was 15 years old, we moved from Houston to Connecticut, and my best friends were in Houston. You know, it was right at that time in my teenage life when friends meant everything. And it just almost broke my heart to have to leave Houston and my friends. But when I left there, it was a horrible experience. It was a Big challenge. I in that time in my life and the way the world was, we wrote letters. It was expensive to make long distance phone calls. But it's when I really started to become interested in writing and writing a good letter and appreciating letters. And part of a big part of my life now is writing and writing, you know, good copy and persuasive, using persuasive language and emotive language that can make other people feel something. It started then. So I overcame the challenge of moving away. Of course, I got new friends in Connecticut. So I found out I was more social. I found out that I was very interested in writing. My friends in Houston got together and had a car wash to raise money to fly me back to Houston as a surprise. And I found out something that I was willing to be loved. I didn't think before that that anybody really cared about me, but here were all my friends having a car wash, you know, to earn money to bring me back for a visit. I discovered these things that through the challenge that I possessed. So those were assets. So it can be something that seems so kind of unremarkable or that it was a very painful period for me. I'm not going to say that it wasn't, but there was so much richness of assets developed at that time. I could actually go on and on, and I could spend probably five minutes writing down the assets that I got just from that one challenge. So to go to a challenge and really look at the challenge and see what was birthed out of the challenge is like the first thing to do when you're looking at your experiences, because so many of our assets came out of our challenges. Stacy, for you, for example, you were telling me about your history of doing sales before you had your company and how many times people said no to you and you know, how you face that. Or you told me about your old bosses, how they had their. They were making contests for people to win, and they weren't really even offering that much as a reward for the contest. But you realized how much you loved the competition and the spirit of competition. You know, I would call those or assets, your realization that you're a good competitor and that you're a joyful competitor and you like that game playing. That is many different kinds of assets that you acquired from that time in your life. Just from that little story you told me. You found out that you're a joyful competitor. You found out that you love the idea of motivation and reward. You found out that teamwork is really A thing. There are so many assets that you acquired. So that's the first thing is go to the challenge, because that will get you going and that can really keep you going for a while. And the realizations there, they can be life changing. Not so much even only for as far as the future, but as far as like, whoa, wait a second, I never really looked back at it. That. And it just, it just washes a sense of appreciation for yourself over you. The next thing is, what did you intentionally learn? So when you went and decided you wanted to learn something, whether it was in a school or a certification program or college, obviously we earn those certificates or degrees, but we also have other experiences that happen during the learning. So have we really harvested all of those and identified those as assets as well? So it could be, obviously we all study and then we learn how to take tests, or we learn how to stand up and claim our knowledge, or we learn how to navigate a difficult professor, or we learn how to handle a very cumbersome schedule. All of those things are assets we take for granted. And just with those two examples, if you start doing this on your own, you start to say, like, wait a second, if she's saying this, it's like, almost everything in my life is turning into an asset already. And I've only looked at challenges and learnings, and then you look at skills. So this is a really interesting and common skill that people develop and don't realize that it's. That is assets, but is navigating our bodies around in the world. Whether you're driving or taking a bike ride or walking or carrying three bags in a box at the same time, you don't realize how much you're dealing with time and space and gravity. So just being able to find a shortcut, what a massive asset that is in so many ways, physically, mentally, it's a huge boon to anybody if you can handle space and time and gravity well. So there are some things that people just take for granted and don't realize that their skills that they have acquired just by living in the world, they. That really have a value in the world. And that's what this is all about is once you know what your assets are, you know who you can help, because there are people in the world that don't have the assets that you have. You know what I mean?

Oh, totally. Yeah. And it's, it's. You don't realize it when you're the expert at it. Right? And then so when some, when you hear someone else talking about the thing that they're an expert in and you don't understand it. It's a funny thing where I don't think people realize what their skill set is sometimes and how someone else might not understand it as clear as they do because they're an expert at it.

Yeah, the repetition has fooled them into thinking that it's just ho hum. So that's a really big one. The other big one, I think this goes a little bit more towards, I don't know exactly how to say this inner confidence or belief in the sustainability or the longevity of the self. And this is its own category as well. When have I been sick or when have I been injured or when have I thought I was having a breakdown? And this could go in the area of challenges, but I think this is something that's special and extraordinary to look at itself because especially as people get older, I've run into this with coaching a lot is people think they're getting like somehow more fragile or it's like there's this weird overlay of fear. Like well, when I was young I could do great things but now I'm getting older so I can't. Or something, something that. So I think looking at the body and the mind, at whatever was an illness or injury and identifying how unbelievably resilient and seeing, seeing the resilience of the body and the mind reconfirms that the body and the mind are an asset in and of themselves. So my mom, she was talking about how she had tuberculosis when she was 4 and she was in quarantine. She was in quarantine for two years and having to live in the den of her parents old little house in Connecticut. And you know, I was saying, wow, you know, I didn't think about that now really knowing much more and we all have much more experience of quarantine, that really like means something. And one of the things my mom said was, you know, when I was in high school she had a horse and she used to ride the horse all over the place by herself for miles and miles and miles outside of Hartford, Connecticut. Anyway, she fell off the horse and she said she hurt herself and she was trying to get back on the horse and she was in the middle of the woods and nowhere but she just remembered that she was able to live, you know, after being sick with tuberculosis for two years and quarantined and she had so much pain and she was so tired and had so low energy and here she was now, you know, a young teen able to ride her horse and the worst thing that happened was that, okay, she just probably had a fracture somewhere. It's like her knowledge of herself already at that young age was such that she was confident that her body could withstand her getting back on the horse. I think that's a good metaphor, is we so often take for granted our bodies and our minds and whatever physical and mental illnesses that have wafted past us or held us back for a short period of time have actually a way of reconfirming how resilient we are. Because here we are today and our bodies and minds are working and we're not weak. We're actually pretty darn resilient. And anything's possible because we can find a way to bounce back. So that's one of those assets that I think when people have those realizations, there's just a kind of a burst of gratitude. Even if people are feeling unstable or don't feel 100% mentally or physically, they can look back and say, like, whoa, if in the past I was able to rise and shine, I can see that I am doing that again now. It's possible. Now I think probably that that is the most taken for granted asset. And when it's identified and claimed, it really has a way of fortifying someone for whatever's coming next.

Yeah. When you embody the full experience of what your body can do just automatically without you even making it. Is that what you mean?

Yeah, with. Without, like your body, your body and mind situationally have had injuries or illnesses and you've been able to get past them. And, you know, I have one of my clients right now, she was riding her bicycle and flipped into a hole that was unmarked and broke her spine. And I've been working with her on and off for about 10 years. And, you know, she was in a wheelchair and everyone told her she can't, she'll never be able to walk again. And my thought process was you have a nervous system and you've got the signals, so, you know, maybe you have to work a little harder to get them down your legs, but why not try? I mean, you're going to be alive anyway and your body has healed over time anyway. So how about, you know, we try that? Well, long story short, she ended up being able to stand up doing sit to stands with some assistance and be able to walk with assistance and can feel needles going into her legs. And then she was told she could never have a kid. And then based on the fact that her legs had started working, she was thinking, well, why can't I Try to have a kid. And well, I missed a part. She thought, who would ever want to love her because she's in a wheelchair? And then she said, she's beautiful. She has beautiful skin, she's wickedly smart, she's super ambitious. She started thinking it's possible because she had other problems before and she had partners before. Anyway, she fell in love with someone and the next one was, I can't have a kid. And I thought, well, why can't I? Because all these other things have happened. And just a few days ago she was telling me that she's looking into this. I don't know, it's an electrical device, it's a spinal implant device to go in the cord that can help the nerve signals jump from over the area of injury. And she said quite confidently to me, I'm going to do it. And I feel here's somebody who has been paralyzed from the waist down. She sees her body more as an asset now than she did when she didn't have any injury to deal with. It's been a really big deal for her to change her view of her body. And she's only been able to do that based on she looked at all the injuries she had before she had the one that almost severed her spinal cord. So it sounds strange, right? But her body has become more of an asset for her future after this accident than it was before. And in fact, I believe that's part of why she's having these successes is because she's considering the possibilities, considering her body as an asset. She's actually. I'm going to say this word because I can't think of another one right now, and it might sound kind of quirky, but she's sort of co creating with her body's intelligence a different future.

That's amazing. And I'm almost wondering too if it's. She's already kind of hit the bottom, as you would think would be the bottom. Right. And then it almost then gives her that board to be able to move forward even greater. But if this could be an asset is whenever I talk to someone that's gone bankruptcy, they end up making 10 times their money if they have the right mindset, because they've already lost it.

All in a way, for sure. I think that's the same kind of thing that's kind of having something severed or kind of having a handicapped. Seemingly a handicap. Yeah, it definitely. I've worked with many people who've been bankrupt and it's weird. The obstruction to becoming wealthy was the fear of loss. And when they had loss and they found out their wealth really existed in a different form, they had no more fear of missing it. And so then they were able to make more of it. It's been a really interesting thing with people who are bankrupt. So the last one of the five, when you're going through and you're saying, I'm looking at this list, I want to find my assets, the last one is maybe really obvious, but I want to say this is Every single person has other people who go and ask them for help. So before I started my coaching, I was already coaching since I was like 14 years old. So I think one of my mentors, he was. I just wrote a blog post about this. Are you busy getting ready? Because I was getting ready. I thought, well, if I have another certification, if I have another. If I learn this, if I. If I study another course, if I have this, I'll. Pretty soon I'll be ready to coach, but probably I won't be ready until I have the next thing. But the truth is that whatever is my particular understanding about life, I don't know, it's something. I was born with a particular type of perspective that now it's grown into a level that has a lot more power than it did in the beginning. But people seem to, out of the woodwork, ask me for help. And I remember when I was in high school, people would ask me for help on, like, how I studied. And I had this whole methodology of studying that made it easy for me to never have to really study hard. And so people would ask me for that. And it was the most natural thing in the world for me to just answer them. And I was glad to share what I knew. And so with my mom, she is an artist, and so people have always asked her about color. Like, if they're going to paint their house, what color should I paint? Cynthia, what do you think? Or I want to do this creative endeavor, you know, I'm going to ask Cynthia. And you know, so she never considered her natural, raw talents to be assets. And you can't see what other people don't have necessarily when you have it in such abundance that you think everyone must have it because it's just so natural. So that's another place to really collect assets. So I think, you know, Stacy, when so many of our conversations, I just felt like, God, you are so incredibly talented. And you don't see it because it's so easy for you, and you just have it. So the question is, what is the topic or what are the questions that people always are asking me or coming to me about and really owning the fact that everyone's not going to other people with those questions. And it could be everything from how to cook or how to parent or how to talk or how to keep a house clean or how to study, how to talk to others. It's like sometimes it can seem so pedestrian that we don't even value it as an asset, when in fact, those are probably our greatest assets. So those are the five kind of top things that I would put on the list. And then if you really want to get fancy and you need some kind of spark to make you think, you can divide it up into what are my assets? Spiritually, mentally, socially, financially, vocationally, physically, mentally. So those seven different areas of life, you could say, oh, I'm just, like, stuck. I can't think of any assets. But when you think of it within one of those areas of life, you might find that socially you have tons of assets, or mentally you have tons of assets, or physically you've overlooked some or. You know what I mean? It helps you kind of focus your mind to think of those five things that I just listed within those sort of silos of areas of life. So that's how I would tell someone to do the exercise. And I would encourage anyone who's going to do it before you do it. You know, write down a statement of, you know, if you're not having a life coach help you, write down a statement of how you're feeling. I feel crap. I feel worthless. I feel I'm not worthy of success. I feel like I have nothing to contribute. I can't do anything in the world. I just feel like crap. I want to crawl in hole and die. You know, that's the statement. And then do the exercise. And then after the exercise, write down your new statement. And your new statement is, holy cow, get out of my way. Here I come, world. I can't believe that I'm this fantastic somebody. Come sit down out and clink, clink with me, because I am amazing. You know, it's a totally different mindset. And so to claim, as painful as it can seem, claim the mindset before and claim the mindset after. So you can see what. What you've done just by attending to these assets. Yeah, really.

I know. I really like it. So I want to make sure I got it all. So the number one. So number one is framing it. It's a facet, which I love that. And then number one is just making the decision to do it. Blocking out three hours of time, and then you're going through your life and. And then you're. Then. Am I right with that being, number one, making a decision. And then number two.

Number one is, I think, having the faith because you're not gonna be. Nobody is going to be doing this unless they feel pretty crappy. It's like saying, I know I feel really crappy, and I'm feeling worthless, and I. I really feel I don't know what to do. And I have nothing to offer, and I'm not. Listen, I've been in this state. Every human being's in. Been in this state. This is just a part of, you know, a life process is being in a very dark place, and it happens. And I. Every single level of success that any of my clients have had in my life that I've had, there. There's always a moment where things just don't seem to go right, and you're like, oh, this isn't good. Nobody cares about me. There's nothing I have to offer the world. I'm done for. So the first step is to have the faith and say, okay, I don't feel like doing this. I really don't. But I really, for whatever reason, I heard this woman. And I really believe that this is just worth it, even though I feel as crappy as I do. And that's the only hump to get over. That's it. And then you just have the discipline for whatever time slot. And I do recommend the three hours for the richness of it.

Definitely. And then what's nice is once you've opened up this exercise, it'll come even more throughout, apparently, too years later.

Yeah.

So. And then the next one is what were the challenges I've had that I've overcome? And then number three is what did you intentionally learn? Number four is going through your skills and can you expand that more? The skills 1. And am I right so far on the numbers?

Yeah, the five things. Yeah, yeah.

Number five is the. What do people ask for help about? Let me go through it again. So number one is making a decision, which is also having the faith to do it, blocking out the three hours. Number two, what were the challenges I've had that I've overcome? Number three is what did you intentionally learn from those challenges? Number four is the skills. And then number five is what do people normally ask for help for you?

On the one in between, though, there is your. Well, that is to do with your talents. I suppose you could say they're the same Thing, the one that you didn't say, is about being ill. Ill or injured, which is going into really identifying your body and mind as an asset. And. And every single time you have overcome. I mean, these overlap. When I was 25 years old, I was in North Africa, and there was a beautiful. I was in the Hagar Mountains. There was a beautiful stream. And I had been in the military, and I was taught very carefully not to ever drink from a stream. And because I was supposed to be a frontline nurse, and so I knew better than to drink from a stream. But here I was, whatever it was, some years later, and it was warm and it was sunny, and the stream was so sparkly, beautiful. It looks so clean. And anyway, I took my hands and I sucked down a bunch of water and 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I got a horrible dysentery. And I had. It turned out I had a big old parasite living in my gut. And I was in a very bad way for a couple of weeks. And I ended up calling the American Consul. Her name was Gay Maris at the time. And I said, I'm really sick and I'm an American and I'm here and I. I don't know any Americans. I'm with an Algerian family, and I don't know what to do, and I'm really, really sick. And Gay ended up taking me, I think it was on an Alitalia flight. She took me from Algiers to Rome to go to a clinic. We actually had to sit in the jump seat near the pilot because it was like an emergency. I don't even know. I didn't even pay for it. I have no idea how all that worked, but it was an emergency to get me to a clinic. And I actually woke up on my 25th birthday in Rome taking medicine. And when I have done my list on this, I often think of that. And I think, my God, my body and mind were really an asset at the time because I was able to withstand a horrible infection. I was able to use my mind to think quick. I'm in the middle of freaking nowhere. I don't know an American. And then I said, maybe if I call the consulate, you know, someone can help me. I found out how being flexible and trusting to someone I didn't know at the American Consulate could save my life. And I really think she saved my life. But my body was able to withstand a horrific infection and my mind was able to stay clear. And so for my life thereafter, after I was 25, I thought, if I'm ever in such a situation, I really have quite an ability to survive. And it gave me confidence. That was an asset for my futures. I'm tough, that kind of thing.

Totally. And then I'm also wondering what about the situation where we were talking about sales, right. So what I've noticed through sales, it's kind of like sales is a sport in a way. Sales was my sport. So if you think about sports, how much. How much, like underlying skills do people.

Get from sports, right?

It's critical thinking, it's teamwork, it's collaboration, it's physical fitness and things like that. And then sales was kind of similar to me in terms of learning how to handle rejection, being able to have a really solid, strong work ethic, moving on when and whatever think, keeping keeping on going with that tangent. And then so those skills basically then are going to be. Here's another example. I'm wondering where this fits in. So let's say I had an episode with Henry Evans. He's the guy that runs my mastermind. It was really good. And he was talking about a friend of his that works a government job for 30 years. And he's not happy because it's one thing, if you're happy with your job and you're there 30 years, that's fine. You can live your life. Right? But if you're not happy, that's when I want you to do the thing. I asked him what would be the way that he would coach him if he was given the opportunity. And he had said first, I would ask if he had ever hiked Kells Mountain. Kells Mountain's a mountain that's here. It's a couple miles. So it's hard, but it's not like crazy hard, but hard enough to challenge you. And he was. And if he hadn't, I would have him hike Kells Mountain. And then after he hiked Kells Mountain, he's like, then I might have him co captain a sailboat after he learns how to do that. Basically building confidence, right. Of these different things that are lateral to each other, but not the same, if that makes sense. So it's. You're like, okay, this is a number three level difficulty. Now let's do another level three. Okay, now we could do a. A level four. Another example, I interviewed a wilderness therapist a few weeks ago and she was talking about the kids making fire. And she was, they're never going to have that skill. Hopefully not where they're going to need that, but they're going to have that skill for life where they remember, oh, my God, I literally made fire out of nothing. What else can I do? So would. Where would that fit in with this? Would that go under the skills and talents section or would that go somewhere else?

I think, well, two things are. Two things come to mind. Number one, a good mentor will be able to identify where there's perceived weakness in the person. So if the person seems not totally believing in his or her own courage, that a good mentor will find a way to bring that strength forward through an activity. If it's that the person is lacking in confidence of making something out of nothing, then a good mentor will say, okay, I'm going to have this person build a fire without matches and see what ingenuity really feels and looks like. However, a good mentor will only do that after identifying where there really is, you know, some like, deep lack of awareness. So what I believe is to do this kind of exercise is really critical to be in that place as, as I am a mentor to many and a coach to many is I want to be really efficient and effective and say, okay, where really is the block? When the person does this kind of list, the blocks really get moved out of the way and then the one that really is the stinker kind of sticks around and everyone's got a stinker or two. But doing this list gives a person the gumption and the confidence to say, okay, I can see that I'm really good across all these other things. And now I can also see and feel the weakness too. Now I'm, I'm ready to take on the challenge. So in the context of taking on a new challenge or developing a new skill, there's gotta be some energy behind that, some like rocket launch behind that. So I think this kind of work is what I would do before saying build a new skill. Does that answer your question?

Kind of. So. Because I'm trying to figure out, so when will they do that work to be able to identify, I did this hard thing, so now I can do this other hard thing, even though it's not the same at all. It's just on the level of difficulty, not necessarily on the actual specific skill.

Yeah, I think it's just that, you know, people do it naturally. You said about Angelica, who did you say is the one who was helped? The women from Anastasia. Okay, Anastasia. So people will, if people can relax enough, I think this will naturally happen. So she was feeling helpless and hopeless. And then her brain, nerves, neural circuits, we're looking for where is her strength? I think that naturally will happen with people either with an aha, or over time. But to get in that position of willingness to step into something new, there has to be something that's rocket launching them forward. And that goes the same for like building a lateral skill. Like you have to build it on a, on a semi confident turf, let's say. So the prerequisite is just the readiness. So doing this list readies anybody to try anything lateral or bigger and it just makes it easy. It greases the wheels for anything like that. And so someone could do building lateral skills, small lateral skills. Little by little it's going to add up. But basically when we're talking about good coaching or good mentoring, what we're talking about is how do we make something more efficient and effective for a person? Because life is ticking by. You know, we want to shrink something down so it can be done really as fast as possible. And if the person's ready for that, they will leap very far forward and be able to take on a much bigger, you know, lateral skill to be built or a new skill to be built if the wheels are greased. Because the, you know, the whole body and mind are primed with knowing that there are all these, these assets that predated the next thing.

Yeah, no, that makes a lot of sense. And then are we calling. So we're calling that a lateral skill and that, that's part of your, at your life assets. So those lateral skills are inside of your assets.

Yeah, whatever the new ones you're building that are, that you decide you want to do, those are, I mean, would you do.

And would you do this exercise like this? I'm thinking this isn't going to be part of the formula. It's going to be just something you do before you even attack the formula. Like if you haven't done this list yet.

Excellent idea. Yeah.

Yeah.

Although if you, the, if you want it to really work the best for you, it's really important to be specific. So neural pathways are based on specificity. So if, if you said, if I said, oh, Stacy, what did you gain from being in sales? You would say, well, I, I learned how to let go. I learned how to build confidence. I, I learned how to keep at it. You're doing these sort of big general categories and there are neural circuits for everything because that's what we are like walking neural circuits. But if you really want to really empower the mind and, and really have this kind of like super refined fuel, then what you would say instead of would be when you're making your list and if I were helping you make Your list. I would say, tell me the single. Go back to the toughest single sales encounter you had. Tell me the name of the person, the exact situation. How old were you? When did it happen? Exactly how did you feel? How did you overcome it? You add the specificity to that and your nervous system is totally lighting up. And then all these pathways converge and your, your brain is just a Christmas tree light. So it's like, boo, you know, lighting up everywhere. It's quite a experience, them from saying, yeah, oh, in general, I learned how to be a better communicator. It feels different. It's totally different, in fact. So you could, you know how I said about the different seven areas of life? You could say, okay, I'm going to say from when I was 0 years old to 6, thinking about my mom, 0 to 6, and she would say, wow, biggest hump I got over when I was 4 years old and I got locked in the den for two years and they brought me soup to the den. They only let me go in the chamber pot. Pee and poo. And what she overcame and really dialing into that and all these other people were dying from tuberculosis and her father was in the TB sanitarium in Norwich, Connecticut for six years and she didn't see him. And she like dove into the details. The more details that she would attach to it, the more when she realized she what she overcame, the richer and more connected that is. So I would, when, when you're doing this, you want to go and say, okay, I'm going to really light up my brain. I want to really go into the specifics. Like, I gave you a couple of scenarios, I gave you some specific details. You know, I was in Algeria, I was in the Hagar Mountains, I called the consulate and I overcame a deathly infection by a big parasite. It's like, it's very different from saying, oh, yeah, I've had a few sicknesses in my life and it's really amazing that I got over them.

Right.

You know what I mean?

Oh, totally. You're like painting an image in my mind. Pretty much, yeah.

And that's what our storytelling brain lights up from using our sensory system. So if you can see it and feel it and hear it and smell it, kind of touch it, taste it, well, then all of these circuits are lighting up and connecting. And then the thoughts you have at that moment, like, whoa, I was amazing, I survived. That all gets mixed into this incredible asset soup. And then you think of the next one and then when you layer them on top of Each other. All those circuits are like, oh, my God. Reconnecting, reconnecting. Didn't know there was a connection here. Oh, there's another one. And so the end result is because it's this kind of like, I think of a. The sun rising in the morning as, you know, how the angels sing. Like, ah, the sun comes up and you're like, how did I ever think that I was just a scrappy, regular human being? Your arms are up in the air, your chin is high, your, you know, tears are running down your face because you appreciate yourself so much. Okay, that's a really good place to start looking at, really where then you sit for a second. You say, now, now. To come to think of it, I really do have a weakness, and that's the one I want to work on. You know what I mean? And that's a really powerful place to start. Nobody's ever going to go through that list and say, I'm perfect. I'm done. There's nothing else I want to do in the world. I'm just too powerful. No, someone's going to go through that list and say, damn it, God, I have a new idea. How am I going to do this? And that's the time to say, okay, I better take all my assets and now develop some new skill. And now I'll go out and I'll sail that boat on my own. Or now I'm going to go and I'm going to climb up Kilimanjaro. You know what I mean? It's. The energy is higher. The awareness of what's needed can be really sharp because you're not fooling yourself, feeling sorry for yourself or anything like that anymore. You're like, whoa, know, I'm a going concern. And yep, yep, I got another idea, and I need to get. I need to get my butt in gear. You know what I mean?

Oh, totally. Yeah. And then I was wondering when. When someone actually. Then they're able to figure out this list, and then they're able to kind of figure out the things they want to do, what outcome do they get from that? What is that for them? You know, with all the people that you work with, like, what do you see those results being? When people are able to. You.

My God. I mean, it's you, your creativity. Creating this podcast, for example, your creativity and identifying that you've been carrying around this. This incredible methodology and being willing to invest your time and attention and all the learning that you've been doing, the learnings and the effort you put in Doing the coaching with me, but the learnings and efforts that you've been doing since. Since that was like your kind of primary thrust. You've been really on this acquisition of learning your new. All the things you need for this new next explosion of creativity that will be your next chapter. And you're also experiencing. This is what all of my clients say. And I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said all of them come back to me at some later date and say, honestly, I think you changed my brain forever. It just keeps firing. Is this normal? You said it too. Here I am a couple years later, and this same exercise is just. It pops up because you created some neural connections already. And I mean, you invested time and energy and effort and money and everything into really creating lots of new neural connections in your brain. And what happens is that's one of those things that just pays dividends over and over and over again. So that's what you can expect. And it's fantastic to have a great coach or mentor, but a great coach or mentor will give you exercises that always deliver. And that's what I just gave here, is that I'm telling you straightforward. That is exactly how I would tell somebody to do it. Sometimes it takes. I mean, I have the luxury of really, like, laying it out right now when I'm doing coaching with anybody. There are different factors that come into play is like, usually when I'm coaching someone, the person's in pain or kind of resistant or sometimes preoccupied or tries to run around the subject. So it's not so luxurious as I have now, which is just to act like I am a teacher sharing it. But when people do this exercise, whether you do it with a coach or you do it because you're hearing the instructions, the neural networks are changed. And they. Once they're changed, the rest of the data that comes in that's related to those subjects goes in in a different way because you've just kind of rearranged your neural pathways and had some aha's and recognitions. And so all the new data that's related in any way comes in to your body and mind in a completely different way. And I would say, I would go so far as to say a more practical kind of inspiring way, because what was latent and dormant is now kind of alive and vital. All those, the. The awarenesses and stories about your life's assets there. It's like this rekindling this. Oh, it's become alive again. And then whatever's coming in within your life it gets connected to those neural pathways that are kind of open because you made them open with your self study, with your self awareness.

I just wanted to comment too because if you're someone listening and you're saying like, oh, I don't remember any of that stuff, you're immediately closing down. Because I did that for a while, you're immediately closing down that pathway. But if you can just open your mind to start to look for the information, it's, it does work. It just, it takes a little longer sometimes. But I just thought I would make a note of that in case you're that person. Because the less resistant you are and the more open minded you are to the exercise, Exercise, the more it will, the more it will work.

Yeah, well, so you can be, what you're saying is you're being stubborn and feeling small and also feeling self pity and also feeling fear. Those are normal experiences. And that's why I said the first step is the biggest one is the face. Even if you feel that way, even if you're enjoying feeling that way for five minutes, that's we've all had those moments where just. I'm just gonna stay in this mood, damn it. But even if you feel that way, to know that that is a normal experience for a human being and that there's some parts of the nervous system that are predisposed to, you know, a negativity sort of bias and to know that, I mean that's the value of knowing something about your brain and normal human behavior is to be able to say, oh yeah, I'm in a really dark place and I'm resisting. And I just know that. And you can give yourself space for that. But at some point saying, you know, I think about this all the time, is the clock is ticking and nobody, I don't care how enjoyable a pity party could be or how stunning or freezing fear can make someone feel. At some point you have this cognition that the clock is ticking and it's been XX amount of hours or days or even weeks or months since I've been in this negative, troubled, dark state. At a certain point you're going to say, I've got to get out of this. And when that time comes, that's when you say, I'm going to have the faith to do this work. And if you can kick yourself in the pants or you're lucky enough to have someone else to kick you in the pants, then you try to be agreeable to do this work so that it can deliver because it's not a mentor or coach who's ever going to deliver this to, you know, anybody who's troubled. The. The kind of amazing and beautiful thing is it's already within, and it's just a matter of getting it outside and identifying it, and that's when the whole world can change. This is one of those exercises that can really unlock the potential for the future if you are willing to give it a try.

Yeah.

So, yeah, you were resistant. I think that was normal. My God, you were completely overwhelmed with so many things that I think, as I've said this before to you, Stacy, is I just give you a tremendous amount of credit because you were absolutely. Even if you had moments of doubt or being stubborn, you were completely and 100% committed to changing your future. I mean, there's. There's a reason why you stuck it out the way you did. Working with me and working on the other things that you were working on is because even though you were suffering and troubled and overwhelmed, there was something inside you that was saying, like, keep going, keep going. This is going to make a difference. It's going to make a difference.

I was realizing it's that idea of regret, like not wanting to regret things down the road, being able to just live that life. And I think you said it with unlocking your potential for the future. So I've been really just trying to tap into that idea of what's what, the knowledge of someone being able to do a practice like this or the do the thing formula or work with the right coach, what that will give them when they're able to do the things that they want to do, you know, in life.

Well, I think this is an incredible gift that you are preparing for people. And you know what? That's what really, honestly, I think about. I was sort of interviewed by a small group of people a couple months, about four or five months ago, actually now. And the question was, you know, what do you. The big question was, well, what do you think, you know, makes a really. A really good coach? And is it just a method? And I said what I really believe. A good coach has a great stable of ponies. Where do you go for what you need? And that includes a great number and amount of perspectives and exercises and options because different people have different learning styles and different moments of readiness for different topics. And so, you know, you're creating this book is like, it's going to be sitting there as, you know, ready for someone to reach for it when he or she needs it. And that's an incredible gift. And that's why really high quality ideas can change the world, because people have troubles and problems and they need something that fits their learning style at their moment of trouble and fits it just right. And so in that way, you're being a great coach and mentor, bringing this information to other people because you're giving them something that they can do. It's not just a philosophy, it's something that they can do. And that is what changes things. Because it's all about things don't get changed from the outside, it happens inside out. It has to be that someone's changed on the inside before you can see any change. You know, give birth from the person.

Definitely. Definitely. Well, thank you so much. This was so unbelievable. I just. Oh my gosh. I just can't wait to listen back to it now.

Yay.

And look back at the exercise too, and maybe I'll add to it. But can you share with everyone your website and how they can learn more about you and your programs as well?

Yeah. So my programs are boss of your brain program. And right now, the thing that I put forth, because so many people talk about problems as anxiety, the thing that I've put forth is my blog@blog.donewithanxiety.com and so I don't just deal with anxiety, but as I said, anxiety seems to be this huge, this word that encompasses this huge amount of troubles. So it seems to get people's attention. But I think really what I'm talking about is, is in particular how to be the boss of your brain so your brain can get out of the way of your life. As a matter of fact, and I love doing it holistically. My program is a five part program and it's without any need for drugs or any, in fact a therapist couch if you don't want that. And also without the need for unhealthy coping strategies. So I think that's the first place to find out about the way, I think, I suppose by going to the donewithanxiety.com site.

That's great. Thank you so much for coming on.

Thanks, Stacy. This was fun.

Yay. And do the thing.

I love it. Okay, thanks again.

Thanks for listening to the do the Thing podcast. We hope you enjoyed the. But even more, we hope you'll be inspired to do the Thing. Do you have a burning question on Doing the Thing that you'd like answered? How about an inspiring do the thing story of your own that you'd like to share? We'd love to hear all about it. Just leave us a voice message at do the Thing callcast co or email us@helloothethingpodcast.com.