Dr. Nancy De Andrade: This Holistic Coach Dares You To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Surround Yourself With A Supportive Group Of People

I do really believe 100% from every part of me that everyone has the capacity to be able to do the things that they want and not to be held back by the mental baggage that's in our head that we want to push through.

Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. In each episode, we get down and personal with people who go after the things they want to make all their wildest dreams come true. Join us as we unveil and dissect a formula for what it takes to do the thing. Here is your host, Stacy Lauren.

So, hey, everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacy Lauren. All right, guys. Well, I brought on one of our experts today who is a Do the Thing favorite, and I have to count how many episodes we have together, because every time I want to explore a topic, she is the person that immediately comes to my mind that I'm always really excited to talk to because of just the way that we've been able to work together. She's my personal holistic coach, and we worked together for the last few years directly. And then in the last year, I've been doing do the Thing, she's been able to be an expert for the community and help so many people in the community be able to unblock the things that they want so they can go after all of their goals and their dreams. And it's just amazing to have this opportunity with her. And with that, today's topic is going to be on I dare you. Because what I'm realizing as I'm starting the Start a Podcast challenge that just launched yesterday is the common theme through all of the challenges is the dare. And I've even just coined the community as dare doers because that is really what they are. And the number one reason people join my challenges, really, whether they want to date, they want to write a book, they want to start a podcast, it's really to get out of their comfort zone. And the dare is such a great way to get them to do that without them even realizing it in some ways. And so, anyway, I'm excited to explore this topic with her, and I'm not sure exactly where this will go, but it's always fun to kind of have that curiosity and see what happens. So welcoming Dr. Nancy de Andrade to the show. Hi, Dr. Nancy.

Hello. Thank you for having me. And for those that haven't met me yet, I'm a retired psychologist, and I've been practicing holistic coaching now, which means that I integrate the body, the mind, and the spirit, integrating all of the knowledge that I have about holistic medicine, about the way that energy works in the system and psychology, science, spirituality. Just a beautiful combination to help the person tune into who they truly are. And I'm really honored to share everything that I've learned. You have no idea how many books I've read, how many courses I've taken, how many hours and years of practice I've had, and how many success stories I hear constantly of working with people and sharing all the information I have. So I'll save you all the time and all the reading and I'll give you all the information. I have it right here. So I'm happy to share. Yeah.

And I think that's what makes me so excited to be able to explore this topic with you because you have this 10,000 foot view of just expansive experience and it's being able to integrate it in all these different levels. And I feel like there's so much power and depth in that to be able to do that with someone that is doing the thing in that way.

Yeah, it's good to be able to have someone that can see it from outside of you because sometimes we get such a narrow perspective. And I think my gift, as I've been told, I can explain really complex concepts and into very simple ways. And I just love, love, love studying. My PhD is in clinical psychology with an emphasis on spirituality. And I just love exploring and learning. I read about two books a week or something like that and it's just fascinating.

So let's start with the three words that have really transformed so many people's lives already. Just in the last. I mean, it's really been six months since I've been doing these challenges. And it started with I dare you.

Dare you.

I would just love to hear because you've been a part of this from the beginning and it's been amazing to just have you really help me co create what do the thing is today because from the very first dating challenge, you got on the zoom and went with the community members and helped them expand their mind to see what's possible for them. So I would just want to see what your thoughts are about those three words and how it's just making a difference in the way that it has.

Yeah. When we listen to words, we are encoding not the word, but the meaning of the word. If I were to tell the listeners, the ones that English is their first language, if I were to tell them the word war w a r immediately, it creates a reaction in the system because of the meaning of that word, because of the association that they have with that word. If I were to tell you spring, people start getting happy and they start thinking about Easter eggs or whatever traditions they embrace, and the body reacts in a different way. I simply love the word I dare you. Because such a playful word is not like, I'm going to hold you accountable and you have to do this, but more like, hey, I dare you to cross that. I dare you to jump on that puddle. I dare you to do things. So it's such a loving, playful way to get you to do something with someone. Usually it's the kids doing it with each other. And so you're creating a community of people that are there in each other, that are playful with each other, that if I fail, it's okay, I laugh, there's no judgment and there's no pressure. It was just a dare. So I think that word resonates so beautifully, and it allows people to challenge their beliefs and get out of their comfort zone with fun as a fun experience. Love being a part of that. Yeah.

And I'd love to just kind of dive into that a little bit more, because there's something about the dare that gives you a different lens to be able to do it. And I think about this because I'm thinking of making these dare cards right now, because I was thinking of. I used to love the show Amazing Race. I haven't watched it recently, but when they have that ticket. Have you ever watched that show?

Which one is it?

Amazing Race. They basically are traveling the world and they're going to all these different places. But, yeah, they give them these tickets that have the Amazing Race on it, and they basically have to go up to strangers and ask them questions to be able to figure out where they're supposed to go next or what the next challenges is. And I feel like the idea of the dare, that's the lens, right, that they're in. They're in this game. And so I just love to hear what you think from that lens perspective, because I think that's what gets people to have a little bit more courage.

Yeah, courage. I think that you just said the right word. When a person is there to do something, they are pushing themselves to do whatever they're going to do, despite the fear that they might be experiencing. Because it's such a fun experience, they push through the fear. Courage is not the absence of fear. And this is not a word that I coined. This is something I learned. Courage is doing what you're afraid to do despite the fear. And so I think the dares are pushing you to step into your courage, to step into the power that you have to get to a place that you didn't think possible, to expand beyond your limited thinking. The brain wants us to stay safe because it's comfortable. We sometimes don't want to get up extra early to go work out or whatever because it's cold and it's comfortable in the bed, and the brain will do everything for that. The dare provides an opportunity to see the hope of accomplishing something, and it also pushes us out of the comfort zone. I heard Tony Robbins say change won't happen until the pain of being or staying the same surpasses the pain of the change. So what that means is if I'm comfortable, I'm not gonna make any changes. It is when I'm uncomfortable that I'm going to step up. And the dares allow you to step into that, to take the courage to step into that.

Yeah.

Interesting.

That makes me think of that feather brick and semi truck. Sometimes you need the brick or the semi truck because then the pain is so big that you have to make a change. But it's so rare that people will do it when they just have that feather.

Yes. And unfortunately, we get so comfortable and we just like it. And so, for example, there's a lot of people that because of COVID they isolated. Not that they meant to, but they were forced to isolate, and they actually found it comfortable than having to deal with people in person. Why, when we have technology? And so for them to get out of that comfort zone that they've created, to go into society and dare themselves to speak to strangers and interview them in the streets like you've done and things like that. That is definitely pushing yourself. However, because it's so comfortable. They don't do it normally, but I think that dares allow them to get out of the comfort zone without the pain, which is beautiful. I think it's a magical recipe. It's a dare that seems fun without having to experience such a pain.

Yeah. And bringing it back to that lens idea, I even think of the lens of a podcast or when I was in sales that helped me talk to people. I used to be really shy. And so I also interviewed a friend of mine who's a reporter, and she's an introvert, and she had the lens of a reporter so she could ask more questions. So the lens of the dare just makes you braver.

Totally. I think the dare makes it a game, so there's nothing to lose. I've seen in the groups that dating there where this people have gone out of the comfort zone to take pictures with total strangers. But because it was, well, I was there then the blame is on one else. I'm not going to be embarrassed. I'm just. It's a game. And so it just makes it a playful way of doing things that you wouldn't otherwise do.

What do you remember about truth or dare as a kid? Do you have any remembrance of that? Because I think it brings up an automatic physiology to kind of go back to that childlike state.

State totally. Well, it's interesting because it's not even as a kid. A friend of mine was visiting and she had her son with us. And so her son would say to me, okay, Nancy, I dare you to jump on that puddle. And you have to guess a number from one to a hundred. And if you guess it right, then I jump on the puddle. Whatever. I was like, I'm not going to jump on the puddle. It's raining. I'm not going to do that. But because it was a game, I was like, sure, there's a chance, Sure, I might do it. Actually, I might not have to jump on the puddle. The reward system activated in the brain where the dopamine got activated. So the dare created an excitement, released serotonin and oxytocin, and they released so many of the good feeling hormones and the possibility of having to do it versus not having to do it. That little playful event really made it fun. Where my brain would have been, no, that's uncomfortable. I'm not going to do it. But because it was a dare, ooh, there's a chance very similar to when we are gambling. We put the coins and there is a chance that we might win or not. But we're waiting for that moment when we hear all the coins. I don't gamble, but I see people like, I want, I want to do it again because there is that dopamine rush. And I think the dare gives us that dopamine rush that makes us all excited to keep doing one and another and another and another. And I see you telling people, I have another dare and I have another dare. It's so awesome. You're like the Vegas of theirs.

As you're talking. And also there's something else that's really important. I think that is coming from the dares is so many people over complicate things and they make things so hard, but they have to know everything before they start. And I think the dare, it just makes it simple, like, oh, I Just have to do this one thing, and then I'm doing the thing.

Totally. I think that we get paralyzed by analysis. Analysis, paralysis. And I have seen people in your group, I think dad was one of them, where they were like, oh, it's too much. I already missed so much. And your encouragement is just get started. Just do one little thing. Those little steps. When you break a goal that seems insurmountable, oh, I have to lose 10 pounds or I have to publish a podcast or I have to do. I have to start dating all over again. It seems so big that a lot of people get paralyzed and say, no, I can't do it. It's overwhelming for people. But when you're breaking it down into tiny little dares, like, well, this week or today, just try one little thing. It allows people to break that big goal into small little pieces into small little steps that takes them there. I love that. Love that very much. Yeah.

And you're making me think the other magic behind it is that part of I tried to not make it where you have to do dare1 in order to do dare7, you could start at dare7 and still be doing the thing because you could catch up just by starting at the end, pretty much.

I love that because you start where you're at and there's a lot of people that have done all the dares. Like, oh, yeah, I go out all the time, or, yeah, I take pictures all the time. So it's not about a progressive, like, well, in order for you to do this, first grade, second grade, third grade, whatever, it's more like wherever those pieces that you're missing are, just take this there and fill it in. If you're good with this, then take this other ones. And it allows people from every step or every stage in their development to participate, to be able to take it and maybe even challenge themselves. Like, did I really go out and talk to people? Was I really doing that? So maybe double checking that maybe you are a different person. So maybe you were doing it differently back then and now you want to do it in this way. I mean, after Covid, a lot of people changed, so you are a different person right now. So starting the dares and doing them all, actually, it's so much fun. And I think it'll challenge you from the perspective of the person you are today.

I'd love to also hear what you think about that, flexing the thinking, because that's something I really work on with the challenges is language and the way the dares are worded and Also telling them, if this is too constrictive for you, change the way it's worded. An example is in the podcast challenge. Originally, one of the dares was going to be, what is your podcast topic that you want to talk about? And then I decided to change it to what do you want to talk about today? And I think that flexing that rigidity is then what opens the brain up. And I'd love to just kind of talk about that a little bit too.

Tell me more what flexing the rigidity. And tell me more what you mean by that.

I think a lot of times when people see something, they think they have to do it exactly as it's listed. And if they can just open their mind up. Like when we did the find your voice challenge, one of the things was you could just record your voice and do a voice journal note, or you could go to someone that you're sharing an experience with. And many people. Actually, one of the guys, Mike, he went to his yoga studio and he was recording their voice notes, basically, and asking them the question someone asked their daughter. There's lots of people that did other things. So it's showing them how even though it's just one dare, there's so many things that you could do. It doesn't have to be some in the box kind of a thing.

Yeah. So there are different personalities, and there have been many studies, call it archetypes, call it types of personalities. I think people learn in different ways. And there are some people that, like me, they just love to educate themselves about everything and know every single detail before they take action. And there are some people that take action without the knowledge, and there are some people that are feeling more into what they want to do before even taking action or knowing what it's about. So if you honor your approach, your individual approach, but don't get paralyzed by that, I think the dares provide that opportunity because the dares are allowing you to step into that without overthinking, without thinking that you have to do it right, without judgment. A lot of the comments that I've seen in your dares have been like, wow, this is such a safe group. This is a group where I'm feeling like I can share and not judged. So when we close our minds to the rigidity, what's really happening is that we just want the constraints of safety. And when you are providing that safety in the group, it allows the brain to relax and say, okay, now I can see it from a different perspective. Now I can maybe even in the wording, the way that you're wording it, instead of saying, what's your topic? What do you want to talk about? What you're doing is making it more friendly, more approachable, more safer for people to explore. A lot of courses and trainings are about do this, do that, follow the steps, blah, blah, blah. And this is a formula that fits all and that should fit all, but it doesn't because of the wording like you're saying. I think that theirs are constructed in a way that you can mold yourself to them and you can mold them to you, to your own personal experience.

Yeah, this is reminding me. I mentioned before we got on recording that I recorded an episode this morning and it was on a dare, I think that will probably be published before this, so I'll share what it is, cuz I was keeping it a secret. But the dare is, is to get people to go join Toastmasters, basically. And so I brought on some of the people that I know from Toastmasters and we were able to talk about that dare and what it would mean for people if they did it and more about Toastmasters. So it wasn't as scary because I think that idea of Toastmasters can be scary. And actually I was scared to go. For 10 years, I was the CEO of a company and I was scared to go to a Toastmasters. It's just funny when you think about it anyway, but once you learn more about what it is, it's not as scary. And so anyway, I had them on. They were amazing. One of the people, Francine, you'll meet her in the podcast challenge, she's starting a podcast, so it was cool to have her on. She had said, just be a guest at a Toastmasters. And that was exciting to me because I think that's much less restrictive than joining. Right. So that's exciting. So I think that's the other thing is by talking to people and being able to hear the things that they say, it helps, kind of like you said, make it safer. Because I think being a guest is a lot safer than joining for some people just to get started.

Yeah. And I think that you mentioned something which is learning about it when you don't know something. A lot of the fears that we have is the fear of the unknown. But once you do it or once you participate or once you learn more about it, then you're like, oh, this wasn't as hard. I think the dares help you get to that place. Moving past the. I don't know, I'm afraid of the unknown. And you're like, I dare you to do it. I dare you. Let's go. And so it's like, oh, I'm going to push past the fear of the unknown, get to know that. That I'm afraid about, and, okay, I can do this. So every step of the way is providing information, and the more you know, the more comfortable you get. You've gone to Toastmaster, right? You've done comedy. When you first started those two, you were like, I don't know about this, but once you kind of knew what it was about, once you participated, one, you're like, okay, I'm not afraid anymore. Sure, maybe a little intimidated or whatever, daring myself more, but I'm not afraid anymore. So I think that the dare pushes you to pass that and to get to know that. Go ahead and learn about it. So that helps a lot.

Yeah, it was funny because I haven't been going to Toastmasters lately because I've been doing comedy, and it's kind of hard to do both at the same time. But after bringing them on and talking to them and just reminding, okay, Stacy, it's not scary. Just go.

It's funny.

I was telling them I might go tomorrow just to get back into it, But I think it's true. I think it's so easy once you stop doing something. It just showed me how easy it is. Even though you love something, how easy it is to just get out of it, but once you hear about it, it reminds you of how cool that thing is.

Exactly. I think that there's help with that and being in the community that supports that, and that's something that you advocate very much in every group. And even in the formula that you're developing, you advocate for community to support the dares, to support the courage that you're taking to face your fears. You are creating a community that reminds you of the things that you want to do. And that is so, so, so important, which is what you just explained beautifully.

Okay, you mentioned the formula. I'd love to hear. Where do you think the dare fits into the formula to the do the thing formula?

Well, the dare is the game, and the formula is how to play the game. So when we are wanting to achieve something, either financial wealth, perfect health, or perfect relationships or whatever perfect means to you, we have that goal. We have that dare, but how do we do it? And I think that the formula teaches you how. Teaches you, okay, why do you want to do that specifically? And helps you fine tune your why. It helps you change your mindset about what you are thinking and changing from limiting beliefs to empowerment and courage. So I think every step of the formula that you've created helps people move through the dare into a successful step. So the dare is the goal. I would say the formula is how to accomplish that goal.

I've been thinking, yeah, the dare is the goal, and then it also is mindset, because it gets you in the right headspace to be able to do the goal. Because it's a dare.

Exactly. Yeah. I think the dares have a component of everything, have a little bit of the whys, and that is what you do. And you're there with every dare. It's like, okay, now I dare you to change your mindset and do this, or I dare you to find your people. And so you are sort of applying the formula in every step of your dare. So it's. You're beautifully. I would say, how do you think.

Someone that's getting a dare can approach it with curiosity and playfulness?

I would say that everybody already does, to be frank, because the people that I've seen join are people that are already curious and that are already in that space where they want to play with others. Being a part of a group, I think, is the meaningful part. Doing it alone is difficult. So having that accountability, having the community, I think that's what makes it more magical.

I love that you said that, because. Yeah, in my mind, I was thinking of it from the goal and the mindset. But you're right. It is really that my people part, which brings it back to that childlike game. Right. Where you're feeling bonded by people by playing this game. Yeah.

And if you see people have started in the dating there and now they have moved towards find your voice there and your podcast there and so on. And it is because of the community. They keep coming together because they belong. They're a part of something that is much bigger than just finding a date, that is much bigger than just doing a little dare. Is being a part of something that helps you evolve with other people that want to evolve with you.

What do you think about the compounding? Because that's where I think the biggest results come from, because they're actually doing the thing that they want to do, because it's a simple thing that they're doing every day. And then all of a sudden, they look back and they're like, wait, what just happened? I have a podcast or whatever.

It is totally what I have seen in the groups that you've been running is the magic that happens when people begin to break out of their comfort zone and they start doing the first there and then the second and the third there is courage that stays, that keeps building up. And so when another dare comes, they're so rewarded by the experience that now they're challenging themselves to do something even bigger. So for me is growth and evolution, moving yourself out of this tiny little box into a bigger box, into a bigger box until you crush the box and you're like, no more boxes. You are growing exponentially with every dare. And it's similar to if you put money in an ira, the compound interest will make your money grow bigger. I think this is the same experience where every time you are putting intention and effort in this theirs, you are compounding the courage. You're compounding the growth. You're growing and evolving and just getting to a level. I bet if you were to ask everybody that participated in the first there, how are they now? Who are they now? I would say, I would say huge development. Completely different people seeing the world from a different perspective. So I love, love, love that.

Yeah. I posted in the group, Natalie, do you remember from the kickoff for the book challenge, the book attached? She did a book club on that and I posted that in the group. And then she had commented. I basically was thanking her for running that challenge. And she commented that do the thing changed her life. And then I had a few other comments in the same way. And it was just exciting to see just how a simple 17 day dating dare challenge turns into something that really people are saying can change their life.

Yeah. And I think it's because you believe in them. Someone believes in them. And to call Natalie and say, no, I think you can do this, I dare you to do this is like, oh, gosh, someone believes in me. Someone believes I can do it. Wow, this is pretty cool. When Natalie pushed herself and she said, I'm not doing because it's a dare, but also because I've been asked to step up, it gave her the courage to step into who she really is. And you saw that from the beginning. You believe in that. So seeing the light in people, seeing the possibilities of humanity, I think this is at the core of the dares, is the belief in human potential and the potential of humanity to evolve and be better. So I think that's something that you even at the beginning of your podcast, you also mentioned. That's a great mission and a great vision.

Thank you. I'd love to hear too, because I think the thing that really paralyzes a lot of people is and for the Listeners, I'm going to do the thing with my hands. I have to figure out how to explain this auditorily. But for the podcast, they're too far from their goal, and then something has to be too rigid for them to get there. But the thing the dares do is it meets them right where they are, and then they're comfortable just going a little bit beyond it. And then when they hit it, you're right, they get that win. Right. The dopamine, the psychological win. And then they feel comfortable to go a little bit more, which is kind of where the compounding happens.

Totally, yeah. What happens is that the brain does not have enough information to proceed, and it only bases the steps on the information that it has. So if I were to tell someone that is making $30,000 a year, and that's as much as they've ever made, that they can make a million dollars a year, they won't know how to do it. They won't understand it, and they'll reject it right away because it doesn't match with the current experience, with the current concepts of finances, money, et cetera. But if you were to tell them, hey, you can make 40, okay, you can make 50, then you can make 75, you approach them to the goal slowly, there will be a point when they go, wait, if I can make a hundred, I can make 500. If I can make 500, I can make a million. So it starts like you were saying earlier, to compound exponentially, where they are just like a rocket, just shooting up and doing it.

You're making me think, too. So the dare is the action. Right. And so I love that idea of the result. But let's kind of talk about the action for a minute. Cause I think that's the other thing the dares do, is they can look at it and they could do it any way they want. Right. When I say record, they could type it out. They could record it on their phone. They could record a video. Sometimes I just say, you could even just put in the group and say that you did it, wherever you are, meet yourself there, and I'd love to hear just kind of what your thoughts are about that. And then a way, maybe some advice on how people can approach Adara in that way. So they're not staying safe. They're still stretching themselves, but they're doing it in a way that feels supportive to them.

Yeah. I teach at the university some classes of psychology, and lately we've been asking the students to record themselves. And there are some students that are more introverted. And what they decided to do was to either put a picture of themselves and record a voice note or just plainly a voice note. And so the dare in this case or the challenge was to do something different that they've accustomed to do. And some people were comfortable about it, and some people were not as comfortable yet because it was a requirement. They still did it. I think the dares are sort of like that. It's sort of like a requirement that if you are enrolled in this dare program, then the requirement is that you complete the dares. And so even doing it, not exactly as requested, even just that the step of doing it is completing the dare, is daring yourself to get out of your comfort zone, is moving beyond what you used to do before or where you were before. So I think just that even the act of doing it, it moves.

So what would be your number one piece of advice for the listeners on doing the thing approaching the dares? Whatever's coming alive for you right now.

I want to say reach out to people and ask questions. Get yourself out there, because there's a lot of people that want to help you and support you and that are willing to do that very happily. So don't stay behind thinking that no one wants to help you reach out. People want to help.

It's so good, because that's a piece of the do the thing formula, is asking for help, which is under educate. And I think that is a huge, huge part of how people do the thing. And there's so many people that have a hard time doing that because of ego or embarrassment or thinking that someone's gonna think they're dumb. But once you can free that part of your mind to realize that you're just asking for help and that's how you're gonna learn to be able to do the thing, then it's gonna open you up to so much more.

100 agree.

Please share where people can find out about you and also your podcasts as well.

Yeah, so I just started a new podcast. It's called Holistic Being and is spelled as a holy stick being. You can find me on social media. I really. I'm not a social media guru or anything like that. I rarely post, but you can find me at Dr. NancyDandrade.

And yeah, thank you so much for coming on as always. I really appreciate it. This is so good. I can't wait to listen back and really dive into everything that you said.

I love what you're doing, Stacy, and I really am honored to be a part of this. And support it because it's such a labor of love. And I think that a lot of people have grown and evolved because of this, so I'm honored to be a part of that.

Thank you. Thanks for your contribution to the community and to me personally too, as you know, and for the listeners. Do the Thing. Don't wait for opportunity. Create it.

Thanks for listening to the do the Thing podcast. We hope you enjoyed the show, but even more, we hope you'll be inspired to do the Thing. Do you have a burning question on Doing the Thing that you'd like answered? How about an inspiring do the Thing story of your own that you'd like to share? We'd love to hear all about it. Just leave us a voice message at dothething callcast co or email us@helloothething podcast.com.