Jennifer Hitchens: Discover Why This Dating Dare Challenge Participant Wanted To Get Out Of Her Comfort Zone

I do really believe 100% from every part of me that everyone has the capacity to be able to do the things that they want and not to be held back by the mental baggage that's in our head that we want to push through.

Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. In each episode, we get down and personal with people who go after the things they want to make all their wildest dreams come true. Join us as we unveil and dissect a formula for what it takes to do the thing. Here is your host, Stacy Lauren.

Hey, everyone.

Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacy Lauren. You guys already know this, but challenges have become my favorite thing lately.

They are the perfect outlet for pushing.

People out of their comfort zones and inspiring them to go after their dreams. Challenges provide you with the tools to pretty much accomplish anything imaginable. No matter how wild or impossible a dare seems. The magic happens when you finally change your mindset and overcome the fear of failing. Today's guest completed the do the Thing Dating Dare challenge, which is one of the most vulnerable challenges possible. I love doing these interviews because it really helps me uncover the growth that comes from the challenge as well as any learnings that I can take from it. Like so many of us, she joined the challenge to stretch the boundaries of her comfort zone and to reframe how she viewed herself. I can't wait for you to hear her story. Let's welcome Jennifer to the show. So I'm so excited to be able to talk to you because the first challenge you were a part of, you got to see how that even came about. It was just some random thing that came up when I had Covid and realized you had dating Dare challenge. And then I posted it in the PSG group and everyone sort of was, yeah, let's do it. And then I was originally going to do it a month after to give me a month to prepare it, but then everyone wanted their hot girl summer, so they wanted to have it earlier. So then I was sort of just building it as it happened. Yeah, honestly, now that it's over, it's been amazing to see just the growth people have had. And then many of them have messaged me saying they met someone, which is really cool because I wasn't even intending that to happen. I was more just wanting to get people out of their comfort zone and just meeting people in a different way. So anyway, I'm using these interviews as a way to really get into things that I could do to improve things that worked ways that you've grown ways that you still want to grow, and that way I can. As I'm building out certain things, I'm able to really get in tune with what people are looking for. So I guess my first question is, why did you join the challenge in the first place? What was your reason?

Well, I guess I joined the challenge in the first place because I knew I needed to get out of my comfort zone. I just knew that couldn't. A lot of friends. I have a lot of great family. But I. Having been divorced, I think in the summer when we. When you started the challenge, I think I was probably like seven months out of the divorce, and I just knew I needed to do things differently. And when you came up with the concepts of dare to get out of your comfort zone, I was like, all right, this totally. This is for me because. Because I can tend to just stay in my swim lane and I don't take initiative or I don't things that make me feel uncomfortable. I would just be like, no, I'm not going to do that. So, yeah, it just piqued my interest. And I thought it would be a great kind of structured way because it's like structure to have specific challenges. And I liked how you kind of teed up the program, so. So I just knew I needed to do something different, otherwise I wasn't going to meet anybody new, you know, so that's kind of why I did that.

So tell me, how did it go for you? I mean, I know I got your. Which amazing quote that you put in the group and I love so much.

Yeah, yeah.

Because it helps to see, like the. It helps to see, like, you know, the impact. So then I'm able to kind of fine tune where things go. But, like, what. What did you end up getting out of it?

So I. I definitely got out of the program. I got out of my shell a bit more in the sense that I looked for opportunities to kind of introduce myself or to do certain things that I normally wouldn't have, like smiling to strangers or giving a guy a compliment or, you know, just striking up conversation with someone in line at a store or a lot of those things I wouldn't normally do per se. Maybe I'd do them like randomly here and there. But I kind of made a conscious effort to get outside of myself and get out of my own way, basically. And that really kind of was eye opening in the sense for me because they would reciprocate. The guy would be like, oh, thank you, I bought my hat somewhere. Such and such and then it would become a conversation which for me didn't lead anywhere, but it did make me feel. It made. It had a positive impact on me from the sense that if I do put myself out there in small bits, it's not the end of the world. It's. Why are you afraid to fail? It's not failing, just changing my mental mindset on how to go about getting out of your comfort zone and to being. Being vulnerable and being okay with being vulnerable and that it's not the end of the world. You're not going to die. Like, if you. You say hi to someone and they don't say hi back or whatever. And I even did some of the other challenges too. Getting a selfie from someone I got of some random guy on a hike that I saw and I found out he's from Sydney, Australia. And what was the other one? Oh, right, the. So I was also on a running trail and I had met a friend of a friend and I think I had posted this in the group, but he. I saw him on the running trail after we had hung out just as a group earlier, week or two prior. And I stopped and shouted his name and said, hey. And he stopped. And it was, you know, we had a whole conversation and it ended up being. We made plans to. To hang out again as a group the following week. And had I not done that, had I not. Because the group reminded me, I was like, well, oh, there he is. I could shout or say hi, or I could just keep running. And I was like, no, go shout and say hi. He was a nice person. So I wouldn't have done that had the group not. Had not built out those challenges and stuff. So I guess that's kind of where the group that you formulated in the 10 different. I think there's more than 10 challenges really helped me kind of see areas of opportunity, I guess, basically is what I kind of was thinking.

And so besides, like the positive impact of putting yourself out there and kind of opening yourself and being more vulnerable and kind of seeing more opportunities by being able to say hi to people that you might not have said hi before, what else do you think you got out of being able to do the challenges?

Well, it also comfort in large. In comfort in groups from the sense of, you know, I'm not the only one feeling like this. I'm not the only one who's uncomfortable in these certain situations. And to know that you're not alone and that you have a support network where you could share some things that also is quite Beneficial for me just to kind of read other people's stories and hear their. Hear some of their trials and tribulations and even successes. That also. That was kind of a boost. You're not the only one that's out there trying to meet new people and do new things and struggle with it here and there. So I think just the camaraderie of the group also was quite beneficial and very similar to how the whole psg, like, that whole group, while sometimes crazy in the comments that I see, it's interesting to kind of just see what are people thinking and doing these days. So I think the camaraderie was really a thing. Yeah.

Because it's nice to see that you're not alone and there's other people going through the same thing, and then you're not going into. That's what I really like, too, is no one went into any kind of negativity. Everyone was just really supportive and encouraging and leveling each other up. Pretty much.

Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. So did anyone.

When you went up to people, did anyone reject you or look at you like you were crazy or did you have any of that, or was everyone pretty much approachable?

No, I think everyone was pretty much approachable. I didn't. The. I never. It wasn't. Nobody ever kind of looked at me crazy. The two things I still have not yet been able to do is. Although I. I did try, but the bar was full. Was. Sitting alone and just have a glass of wine or whatever and just sit by yourself or have a meal by yourself. I still. I still have not done that yet, but I did go with every intention to one of my local restaurants to go, but there was no room at the. At the bar, so I just picked up my order and left. But I kind of amped myself up for it. So those are two things I think in your next challenge I would definitely like to do. I'm assuming we'll kind of have something similar to kind of get out your comfort zone there, because that definitely made me feel uncomfortable. But it's like, what's the big deal? If I was traveling for work, I'd probably do the same thing, so. But no, to answer your question, no. And so that kind of only boosts your confidence level, I guess if. If you're. If you put yourself out there and nobody's, you know, looking at your crazy or negatively responding to you, then that just kind of fuels you to try more and to do it more frequently and have it be kind of second nature. At least that's What I'm trying to do.

Yeah, so true. I. I was wondering too, with that. What. When you were kind of wanting to do those dares but you didn't, besides the bar being full, what do you think held you back from doing that? Or is there anything I could have done that, that could have been put forward, a game or some kind of. Anything to help you kind of do it, is what I'm wondering.

Yeah, I think it was just me getting in my own way. Honestly, like, I just. I don't think there's anything you could have done. I mean, everybody kind of gave their own feedback of, oh, I do that all the time, or, oh, that makes me feel uncomfortable too. But here's ways you can get around that. I mean, I think you teed it up great. Even some of the phrases, hey, you have really nice eyes. I'm drawn to you. I've never used that, but I think, you know, if you have your. If you can kind of stack your deck, I guess, with things that, you know, you could potentially say when opportunity arises, then I think you're more practiced to do it. So it's not. So what do I say? I don't know. That's just my. That's my opinion.

I was wondering because I was almost thinking, and I don't think I'm going to set it up in this challenge because I haven't been able to think enough of how to do it, but I almost wanted to do something that. Where people are set up to get rejected. So then you kind of build up the conditioning of getting.

Yeah.

So then you see, like, it's not. It's not. I don't want to say not the.

End of the world.

I don't know what the word I'm trying to say is, but not like, you're not going to die. So that's the biggest reason why you wouldn't go up to someone usually is fear of rejection, I think.

Right. Yeah. And I think one of the things people shared, or maybe you shared it was saying to someone, hey, I'm noticing you, type of thing, and I'm not sure if you're single or married or whatever. And I think maybe someone shared that they were in a relationship, but they shared their email or number or something anyway. And when the guy, when that relationship ended, he remembered her and called, reached out to her afterward. And then they started dating, which I thought was really interesting. And when I travel for fun, I mean, I usually travel with at least one friend, but I have no problem striking up conversations with People who are at the resort or at a restaurant, you know, like, waiting for the table at a restaurant or so I just have to. I think I have to put that hat on when it comes to approaching other people, you know, guys or whatever. Like, why do I. Why am I comfortable talking to, like, an older couple or something? It's the same kind of conversation. It's just, you know, inquiring, like, how you are, you know, what your story is and stuff. Like, why is it so different when you just talk to a guy? Like, why is it any. It shouldn't be any different, so. Oh, because I was gonna say along the lines of that whole story of they. They put themselves out there, the person was in a relationship, and then reached out later. I actually. I took a page from your challenge. And so a periphery friend of mine, who I know and his brothers and stuff, one of my friend's husbands is good friends with them, and they were like, oh, yeah, he's single. And that was back in May. Actually, no, I think it was in June. And I was thinking, I'm like, oh, I should reach out to him. But that's so weird. And then I kept thinking about it, and I was like, it's not weird. It's like, don't be silly. And so I inquired more recently to see if he was still single, and my girlfriend told me in August he was. And then I noticed he liked a picture of mine on Facebook because we're friends, and it was just a picture of me. And so I was, hmm, okay, so maybe that's him reaching out. So I messaged him on Facebook, and I was like, hey, I noticed you. I was very direct. I was like, hey, I noticed you. That picture of me from Colorado. I'm going hiking on Saturday. Do you want to join me or maybe grab a drink? And his response was, wow. And he said hiking was totally my thing. He said, but here's the thing. I just started seeing someone. Bad timing. I always thought you were a great girl. And I was, all right, well, that's cool. So I hope things are working out, but if not, feel free to reach out. And he replied back, absolutely. And so. Okay, well, I put myself out there. So, yeah. But, yeah, at least I checked the box. I was. I did it. Yeah.

And I think the win is also. Is he you being fine with that outcome and being proud of yourself for doing it right?

And even though he was not receptive because he was being honest about being in a relationship, it wasn't the end of the world. Like, I Did I die? No. Like, I found out that. Because he even said after one year of no dating, no dates, he said, I've just started seeing someone. Bad timing. But my one girlfriend who knows him is like, well, you planted a seed, so we'll see what happens.

What do you think about. About that rejection idea of actually putting yourself in situations that. Where you are getting rejected, but maybe not. I mean, it could be something even more basic. You're asking for a discount at a. At a restaurant or just something just.

Oh, yeah, yeah, right. No, I get it. I would be. I'm trying to think of how would you set up rejection from a perspective of asking someone out or, like, getting someone's number. That might be a little too. At least for me, that might be a little, like, if you're purposefully doing it, I don't know how that would set up. But if you set it up like what you were just saying in as far as, oh, well, there's a thread missing here on the sweater. Can I get a 20% discount? Or. The food was. I don't even know what you do in a restaurant. Like, the food was really slow. Could you compass a drink? I don't know. I think that would be more doable in the sense of how would you control the actual rejection? I don't. Yeah, I don't know how you do that if it was another person, but yeah. Yeah, I think. I think it would be a good idea. Yeah. Okay, cool.

And then what do you think was the hardest thing for you? So, in addition to the not doing those two challenges with the bar and the restaurant by yourself, what do you think has been the hardest thing during the challenge that you had to go through?

I mean, to be honest, I kind of felt pressed for time, but maybe that was the point, like, and maybe that was just the summer. I don't know. But, like, I was like, oh, my gosh, there's another dating challenge already up. I haven't even done the other one, so I don't know if that. If anybody else gave that feedback, but I did feel like I was like, oh, I wish I just had a couple more days. Or. But conversely, if you extended too long, people, the. The, like, that drive to actually take that action could wane a bit. So. But anyway, that. That was just for me. I remember being like, oh, my gosh, I've got to catch up. I'm four challenges behind.

Yeah, that's feedback that I heard. And that's why I decided this next one is five weeks versus.

Yeah.

And Then.

Right, right.

So each week's gonna have a category.

Then you're.

You could do up to three dares that week. That.

Oh, okay.

Category. So it'll be a little.

Yeah, that's good.

Yeah. Easier to do because I don't want anyone to. They're rushing. You know, I want it to be more fun and. And things. But you can also do one of the dares as many times as you want, so. Because the idea is the more you can flex the muscle and use that skill, the more you're gonna use it, be able to do it. And it can compound. You can take something from the week before and still do it kind of.

Right. Yeah, no, that. That makes sense. That makes sense. And I know. I think I still have to introduce myself to the group, so I have to get. Oh, good.

Yeah, no, please do. Yeah. And then if you. If you even want to say what you got out of the last one again, I know I'm like, making you say it all the time now. Especially new people that are not sure what's going on. It definitely helps. The more people are. And it's funny, a couple more people said they met someone that I didn't even know about, so that's been really cool.

Oh, that is cool. Yeah, for sure.

So in addition to getting out of your comfort zone and getting more confident in that positive impact of putting yourself out there, what do you think was, like, your growth? What did you learn? What did you grow about? Or what did you grow about? That's not even the right question, but, like, how did you grow during the challenge and now that you're seeing it.

Now, I think I just became more self aware who I am and what I'm looking for in a potential relationship. Or I did some. I don't know if you'd call it soul searching, but I did some. Some thought on what. Is something, quote, unquote, missing in my life? Or am I just looking for someone to join me along my journey as I try new things and do new things? Because. And I think I came to the conclusion that my life is very full. It's. It's a happy life. It's. I have a lot of friends and family and. But I still would like to do new things and. And try new hobbies or. Or have someone join me when I have a run or a hike or a bike ride or something. And I think I just did some soul searching of what am I looking for. My. I. I look at it like an analogy, like, my life, the pie is full, but I still want someone to join me. So I will make room. And I kind of look at. I don't. I look. I always look. I visualize it as a trivial pursuit, like pie, those little game things. And I look at it like my pie is full. But I can move some pieces around to open myself up to someone joining me in my life journey. And even if I don't find someone in the near future, it's still. My life is still full. My pie, my. My pieces are still there, and I still have a wonderful and rewarding life. It's just learning and understanding the desire that you want to share that with someone again, I think was one of the things that I honed in on and realized that, yes, this is. This is an important thing for me to continue to pursue instead of just being like, well, I've got my friends and family. That's good enough.

What do you think helped you with the soul searching? Like, was there a specific thing or was it.

I think some of the questions you asked in the beginning, like what? I think in the beginning, you. One of the tasks you had was list out the qualities of a person that you are looking for, manifest to help manifest what are you seeking? What would be rewarding to you in a relationship? What are the qualities of that person? And I think that really helped me figure out perhaps and also reflect on what was lacking in my prior relationship and what's important to me. So I think those. That type of line of questioning that you put out there, where. And I wrote it down, you know, like, I typed it out. I was like, okay, I want someone who has these type of qualities and is supportive in these areas of my life. And I think that just helped me kind of visualize a person and kind of that going back to that whole manifest your future. I think that that helped me decide to open my eyes to potentially people whom I normally wouldn't look at or consider because it's. I don't know, it just. I guess I've just opened my eyes up by kind of answering some of those very pointed questions of, well, what are you looking for? Because if you don't have that idea, then, you know, you're just kind of shotgun shooting into the space. You're not really kind of honing in on kind of rewarding relationship. Do you want and how do you manifest that?

Yeah, I'm glad you said that. Yeah. Because something I've noticed is so many people are talking so much about what they don't want, but when you can flip it into what you do want, then that's where you're able to open that up more.

Exactly. Yep. Yeah, totally agree.

What would be your advice to someone that's doing the challenge for the first time?

I guess it would be just to keep an open mind and to get comfortable in the uncomfortable. And because it's sort of. What is it? Memory recall. Creating a new habit sometimes is uncomfortable. Like when you start to work out for the first time and you haven't done in a while, it's difficult. But then as you continue to do it day after day, week after week, it becomes second nature and a part of your life. And so I would just say it's okay to feel uncomfortable because that means you're growing. So have you.

Speaking of that, have you noticed any changes in other areas of your life after the Challenge?

It's interesting because I got a new job. I'm still working at the same company, but I had a new job starting in February, and the challenge was in June, and I was think I was still coming out of the whole divorce, everything, and I just wasn't feeling myself. But as the challenge wore on and as time wore on and I became more reflective of who I am as a person and what strengths I bring to the table, I started to realize I needed to lean in more to my job, become more assertive. How I was before. I kind of felt a little deflated and defeated from my marriage failing. And I think I realized I needed to step up and step in at work more. And I spoke to some. I have a mentor at work and a couple other people that I rely on at work for that kind of a relationship. And they noticed a difference in the latter part of the summer and definitely August and September, I've become more assertive at work and more confident. And I think that it all kind of just ties into how you feel as an individual and how you feel as a person about yourself. And if you can pull yourself up from your own bootstraps type of thing, that's kind of what I felt like I had been doing and working on. And I think that made a difference in my. In my job as well in my career.

And how do you think it helped you do that?

Because I think I felt more comfortable in my own skin and more. And I. And I think I was doing a lot better of a job of reframing some of the things that I was looking at very negatively about myself and reframing them in a. More. I don't know what you want to call it, like looking outside Myself looking out inward. So I can be very, very hard on myself and look at it very negatively in what I. Where I'm at in life and what I've accomplished. And I had to reframe that a lot. And I think the challenge helped me reframe some of the things of my life. The social parts was seeking someone else in that do have a lot of value and I have a lot of worth. And I, you know, I think that self love. I think that the challenge helped remind me about self love. I think is what I took away from that. That's so good.

And that's the reason why I am doing. I don't know if you noticed that we're doing that for this next one. It's. Every day is going to be what you love about yourself.

Oh, good. Yeah. Okay. No, that. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah.

Because I noticed that's you. When you think about divorce.

Right.

And most of the people in the group are divorced or have been or in a relationship that didn't work out. But it's so defeating and exhausting. And then you have that unconditional love that has ended. Right. And so it's a lot of that rebuilding yourself up. And I did a. It's really good if you want to check it out. But it's a podcast panel episode with experts, not the first one that I shared in the group. I just did it like a week ago. And talking about why we chose self love as the thing every day and Genesis, you know, the erotic blueprint coach, she said the most amazing thing and basically was. And it kind of speaks to your pie example. If your bucket, like, let's say you have a bucket and it has holes in it. No matter how much goes in it, if there's holes in there of past failures or past whatever it is, then there's not enough that can go in pretty much.

Right. And. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that's what we're doing.

It'll always funnel out. You need to fill the holes up. Yeah, I totally get that. Yeah.

So I'm glad that resonated with you because that's what I saw as being a big. A big part of that first one that I think people really needed at the time.

Right. Yeah, no, totally, totally.

This is wonderful. I'm getting such good feedback. Thank you so much.

Thank you for starting it. I think it's great. I think it's phenomenal.

I was wondering if there's any. Besides it being longer, was there anything else that you think would be better for Future challenges.

Trying to think. I don't think so. I mean, I know the. The peloton group, the singles group, they sometimes try and get me to actual meetup, so. And it looks like you already have 234 people in this challenge, so it would be interesting. Just from a Geo Geographic standpoint, if. I always think meetups, you know, that kind of gets people out of their comfort zone, like meeting someone who you interface with online goes back to doing things you wouldn't normally do. But I would be curious if. If there is a consensus of people in certain areas of the country or wherever that meetups would be interesting.

Yeah, no, that's a good idea. I know at one point I had mentioned it potentially, but I think the timing was off. But. No, that's a really good. It gets me to think about it again because I do think it would be really fun and just celebrating everybody kind of getting out and doing new things, I think would be really good.

Yeah, so I definitely. I think that would be interesting.

And is there anything I didn't ask you that you wish I asked you?

No, I don't think so. I mean, you covered it. You. You covered a lot of the questions, and I did enjoy a lot of the podcasts from the last. The last one, so. And I think you posted a couple already, and I have to go back and listen to them.

Oh, good. Yeah.

Like.

Because I did Scotland. That was really good.

Yeah.

Yeah, Natalie, that's good. I'm glad this helped. Sometimes. Yeah, sometimes, man, I like just hearing what different people get out of it. It's really. It's a good perspective. And then I was able to take a lot of that and put it into this one. So these are really. Thank you for doing this because it's really helpful for. For me.

Yeah, that's wonderful. Wonderful.

Well, thank you so much for being a part of it and doing.

No, thank you, Stacy. Yeah, no, I appreciate it. Good.

And you're gonna do the next one as you said, right?

Yep, yep, I plugged in. I'm in. I just have to do my. I guess the sign the thing and do the selfie. I have to do that. Perfect. Yeah, so I will. And I. I filled out the form online too, so hopefully.

Awesome.

You're. I'm on your list and everything.

Okay, so that sounds great.

Yeah. All right.

Thank you so much.

Okay, thank you.

Okay. Have a good day.

Cheers. Bye. Bye. You too. Bye. Bye.

Hey, thanks for listening to the do the Thing podcast. We hope you enjoyed the show. But even more, we hope you'll be inspired to do the thing. Do you have a burning question on doing the thing that you'd like answered? How about an inspiring do the thing story of your own that you'd like to share? We'd love to hear all about it. Just leave us a voice message oothething callcast or email us@helloothethingpodcast.com.