Jill Goldberg: Discover Why Accountability Pushed This Do The Thing Dating Dare Challenge Participant To Flex Her Dating Muscle And Meet New People

I do really believe 100% from every part of me that everyone has the capacity to be able to do the things that they want and not to be held back by the mental baggage that's in our head that we want to push through.

Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. In each episode, we get down and personal with people who go after the things they want to make all their wildest dreams come true. Join us as we unveil and dissect a formula for what it takes to do the thing. Here is your host, Stacy Lauren.

Hey, everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacy Lauren. So I am so excited, you guys. We have another person that was doing the do the Thing dating dare challenge, and she was someone that I just absolutely adored because she was so good with the group and was so supportive and encouraging and gave such great feedback and was so helpful during the challenge and was even our community champion for a couple times. And here I am introducing Jill Goldberg.

Hey, Jill. Hi. Hi, Stacey. How are you?

I'm doing great. How are you doing?

I'm doing well. Doing well.

I am so excited to get a chance to talk to you about you and about the challenge.

Yep. Yep. So just with you saying those things, like, I. It's reminding me about it because I miss it. I. I do miss it.

Oh, good. What do you. What do you miss about it?

The daily accountability, like, doing the things out in the wild. And that's what I missed. Then it kind of plateaued for me. It kind of stopped, and I. I could have kept going, but I didn't have that motivation or accountability. So it's not like. But I've still been doing things outside of my comfort zone, and we can talk about that. But, yeah, it definitely helped, and I think it changed, like, a vibe I was having for the summer.

Oh, that's so good. Well, I'm so glad to hear you say that, because accountability was something I was really trying to work on, and that's actually one of my goals for the next challenge is to even incorporate it even more, because I need accountability for my own stuff, and so I know how important that is to have a measure for that.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I'd love to start off and just, if you don't mind, just share about you. Your what, Your background, your story, and then why you decided to do the challenge in the first place.

Okay. I'm 55. I don't feel it. I've been. I'm divorced. I have three girls in their 20s, and I was separated in 2009. So I, at first I had a. I had a four year boyfriend right out of my. About a year after I got separated and then a couple other relationships and then the last two years I've been. Well, partially the pandemic. I broke up with someone during the pandemic in August of 20 and I just have been taking time for me and I haven't. I almost started. I got to the point where I really didn't care if I dated again, which is not where I want to be. But I, but it's also that I'm happy by myself and somebody has to bring me joy. I mean I. So I think that I needed this to sort of remind myself that I do like being with a partner. I do like being with someone.

So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was perfect. And I think that's what's so much fun about dating and actually wanting to meet someone past 40. It's such a different time where at least for me that's how it was where all those. Who you are, who you want and it's just a different way. You're looking for someone and you're never.

Going to share a family like with grown kids. It's just, it's harder to meet someone because you already have. It's just hard to blend someone into your life. I think, you know, somebody might have young kids and my kids are grown and that's just, I don't know.

Not when you met your, when you met that first, the four year boyfriend, did you meet him through an app or was it out in the wild?

I started a friend of mine six months after I separated because my ex was with someone already and she's you need to go on J date. And she. This is back when in 2000, I guess the end of 2009 when they didn't even have the phone apps like you had. You went online and I went on JD and I started communicating with people but he ended up. All of my long term relationships were set up. Well, three were set up by friends and one I initiated on LinkedIn. So of someone I already knew who I went to law school with. That was the last person I dated. I've never had a successful relationship from the apps. I've had plenty. I've had 50 first dates. I had listed them all in my phone, but more probably now. But I don't think I've ever gone out with anyone more than three times from an app. I've just never found that as a way for me to connect. I mean I know, but now it's, like, the only way. It's the only thing left besides the wild.

Yeah. And I'm glad. I'm glad you mentioned this, because this is actually something I really want to work on for the next challenge is a lot of people were still doing the apps, and then they're also. I see them in different groups posting about the apps, and I really want to do more of an app detox the next time. So then. Yeah, you're not even, like, burning energy on the app.

Right. And I was on an app detox during this. I mean, I've been on one almost all year, but I was not on the apps during the challenge. So I was actually thinking today, oh, God, it's time I put a profile back up and maybe Stacy should do a dare where we rate each other's profiles. So I was thinking in the opposite direction, but I. So, because I was not using the apps when we were doing the challenge, I really was meeting, you know, using it for doing things in the wild. And I did end up, like, meeting a guy at a bar one night that turned out to be like, you know, we dance, we talked, and it didn't lead anywhere. But I. I did successfully meet someone in the wild. I think I wrote about it.

Is that the one where the. When you bought him a drink one or.

We were joking. No, I. Yeah, I was out with Michelle, and actually, we. No, I said, does it count if he bought me a drink? Yes. Somebody bought. Yes, yes, he bought me a drink. Okay. Yeah. And we. And, yeah, we were dancing. It was fun, and it was something that was something I hadn't done in a long time. Just meeting someone and spending time with them at the bar and actually talking. And, you know, I got his number and all of that, and we kissed, if I can say that. Nothing else. But no, it was really just a very spontaneous, fun night. And it didn't end up working out, I think, because I think he just thought I was going to be a hookup person after that, and I didn't want that. It didn't go there that night, but it seemed like the next day he was like, oh, do you want to come over? And I was like, I'm taking a nap. He's like, do you want to take a nap? And so that's almost equivalent to the apps. But I had a really. I had a good time, and that was in the wild, and I was free and expressing myself, and so I was glad that it happened.

Well, yeah. And I think you just touched On a really important piece, which is not really expecting an outcome from a lot of the dares. It's like being able to use the. The muscles to be able to go up to people and just talk to them. So then when you do end up meeting someone or someone comes across you that you're interested in, you're going to be able to talk to them. Or if someone comes and talks to you, then it's not, I'm frozen and I can't say hi.

Right. That's exactly what it was. It was using the muscles and I did like that. And you're right. That's very different than being on the apps and just texting someone you've never seen in person. So it was an important muscle to use. And so that is what I missed. So I. So I was. It would be. Yeah. A lot of people maybe. Maybe state that it's an app detox or even just take a few days and don't go on the apps and see what happens.

Yeah. If you don't mind, I want to. I want to just explore this more. I wasn't planning on it, but I think you have such a good kind of introspection with this stuff since you're not deep seated in them, but you're also kind of percolating the idea of it.

Yep. Yeah.

Because I'm not either. I'm not going either way. So when I was on the apps, it was probably like, I think like four or five months and I loved it. I was having the best time because I was divorced. I was certain.

Right.

And then divorced. So it was such a fun way for me to kind of flex the muscle of just even meet people and.

You get a lot of attention and a lot of positive feed green positive reinforcement. You know, people say you're pretty and people. And I guess right now I. I'm not looking for that because I. I've become part of person unfortunately from a bad relationship that I'm not a words of affirmation, love, language person at all. So somebody saying hey, sexy. Like it means nothing to me now. But I know a lot of people on the apps get that and they really, you know, when somebody takes the time to say really, they really never say, I really like your profile. They just say that you're really pretty or nice legs or whatever. But still there's a lot of people looking for that positive reinforcement.

Which. Yeah. Which is a whole nother story because that's when leads into the addiction.

Right. Right.

Yeah.

But I see. Right. When you're first divorced. Yeah. It's a great thing to do because all of a sudden, like, you know, for whatever reason, you get divorced and. And then. Or people actually are give. I want to meet you. You. You're fine. And you get attention that you probably weren't getting from your spouse because there's a reason you got divorced.

And then what happened was I. All of a sudden, I just got so bored because it was the same thing over and over again. Because on my profile, I had. I like to hike and I like to bike. And then you'd get someone reaching out, and they're like, oh, asking questions about it. But then it turned out they didn't do any of that stuff, so I just tired and then decided to delete it. And then, yeah, I met my boyfriend like, a week or two after, which was kind of funny, wild. But that's why I'm kind of percolating, because to me, if someone's been on the app and they're bored and they're tired and they're complaining, then they could do the detox, but it's. Right. And they need to still flex a dating muscle. Then I think maybe it might. It might be good.

Right? Right. I haven't been on a date since maybe. And so, yeah, that's why it's percolating with me right now. I'm just. I really. I'm not meeting. I'm. I'm doing. I'm going to pickleball classes. I'm playing. I've made new friends just this summer here from pickleball, and I go to the socials for pickleball. Other Other things, too. But I went to this camp this weekend called Club Getaway with one other person from PSG who wasn't in the challenge, and I was. It was in the events, though. I was trying to get people to go. And it was an adult summer camp for the weekend. And the nice thing about that was everybody. No, there were couples, but there were. There anyone in there who was single, was looking to meet people, and so that was an authentic experience, I guess. I'll say. So I'm still doing all those things, but I'm not finding dates. And so I'm kind of thinking, well, I really should take this a little seriously. Now. I haven't seriously had an app date.

Since March, and I think that sounds really fun. Club Getaway. What a cool name.

Yeah, no, you should look that up. That's a whole. It was. It was really fun. It was. We were. We were in a cabin in the woods. It was five and a half hour drive for me, but there was a lake. I went water skiing. I did this cycling thing in the sky.

Oh, wow.

I mean, it was. It was like a zip line. Put a bike on it and you rode the bike across, which is very peloton. So anyway, you asked me questions. I'm talking too much.

Yeah, no, no, no, I love it. I love it. That's so cool.

Well, yeah.

So keep me posted on the app thing then. If you do. I am like, I, I do encourage it if it's something that you haven't been on and you want to at least go on.

I haven't been on since, like, the date I had in May was a friend who said, who said, oh, this. Can I give this person your number? We went on a date and it just, it was flat for both of us. Like, I didn't feel bad about it. It was flat fine. So I flexed the muscle. I did it. But now that it's August and summer's my favorite season, I love it. Like, I feel like the only way I'm going to get a date is if I go on a nap right now. And I kind of need that.

So. And so let's, let's play devil's advocate with that because I'm encouraging that. Feel free to explore that. And I'm really interested to see how you end up liking it. And then I also am wondering about the wilds and did you have a favorite dare that you like doing during the challenge? Was there one that you were like, oh, man, this one's freaking amazing.

Was dance. Like, no one's watching one of the dares.

Yeah.

Or was that. I posted that, but I think I did that first and then I did it again. That's just something I really enjoyed doing. I'm a terrible dancer, so I probably have a drink or two before I do it. But it's. I. I just love it. Like, I just love doing things. Like, I did karaoke at the summer camp this summer. They had two dance parties and I haven't done karaoke. I can't sing. I haven't done it since College in the 80s. And I had just met these two women and we were up there doing girls just want to have fun.

How fun.

Yeah, I like doing that. I don't think that will ever change. I like being silly and fun. I'm trying to think the day I had to give a compliment to a stranger, I didn't see a lot of people that day. And. But so, because the challenge was There. And I was. Wanted to do it. I went out to dinner by myself, which I do consistently. Now. I haven't done it a few weeks, but I have no problem sitting at a bar by myself. Like, I think it's interesting. I watch people. I'm not uncomfortable. I used to be. That was something I could never do when I first got separated or divorced. But so I went to this bar specifically to do that so that I could give someone a compliment. And the first thing I saw was this couple, and they were just so cute and happy. And so I gave them the compliment. I just said, you look so happy together and that. But I. I wouldn't have even done that if there wasn't the challenge. I would have just sat home and watched TV that night. Yeah.

So it really got you to get out of the house.

Pretty. Yeah. And. And it was nice. And they were. They liked getting that compliment, you know, I'm sure they knew. They're a happy couple, but it's nice when people tell you so. That was another one. Remind me of some of the dares I did.

Yeah. Well, I'm looking at your. Your shirt. The shirt you bought. The I love hot dads. I was wondering.

Oh, my God, that was so funny. What dare was that? Was that.

It was on. It was.

Oh, that was. Go someplace you've never been before.

Yeah. Yeah.

So we. I was in Annapolis with a friend, and I hadn't been in the T shirt store, so we went in the store and we just thought the shirt was so funny. And I ended up posting it and buying two of them, and I was supposed to give one to someone in Austin, but I didn't go to Austin because I got sick. And what was I going to say? It was. It was just funny. It was just like. It was something I would have worn in Austin because. But I just think. I'm sure it would have attracted. They said it was one of their bestsellers.

Yeah. No, I was wondering if you wore it. What. Who would come up to you. Just naturally.

I still haven't worn it. The person that I'm giving it to, I'm not sure if she was in the challenge or not, but she is also going to Dominican Republic in January, so we'll wear it there.

Okay, gotcha.

It's a different setting, though, because that's more of a couple setting, but it's the PSA trap, so I don't think I'll. I can't see myself wearing that shirt alone out here. I mean, my kids would be humiliated and it just without contact. Like if I was wearing it with a friend, I just. Yeah, it was funny to do, but I'm not going to go walking down the street in a I love hot dad shirt. But I won't. But I would wear it in Austin with friends or wherever.

That's funny. When I saw that chirp, I was like, man, what would be a good shirt to give people to like, test for them to wear? I ended up making one. It says dare me.

Oh, that's a good one. I was going to say single af.

Oh, yeah, that's good. And yeah, and I had someone test it, the dare me shirt. And she like, she had a couple of people come up to her. 1. 1 was like an older lady that said, like, well, probably our age, but she was younger.

I would wear. I would wear that shirt that I wouldn't have a problem with. Just I think, I think the thing with wearing an I love hot dad shirt is you don't know who's gonna come up to you. If any of my kids. Friends saw me, my kids would be humiliated. I'm just not that out there. I would do it in. I would do it in another city. I'm not gonna wear that shirt local. But I would wear a dare me shirt local.

Okay, cool. Well, good to know. I had another idea. It was ask me anything.

That's a good one too.

Okay, cool.

I like that. I would wear both of those.

Awesome. And then I noticed you posting a lot about pickleball and I was curious because you did say you. There was one time you didn't feel like going, but you went anyway, and then you ended up making new friends who want to practice on the weekends. I was just curious, like, did the challenge help explore pickleball or was that already something that you.

I had started it in the winter. I started classes and then I started going these Saturday night socials alone in the winter and which. That's a big deal for me. That's something I wouldn't have done five, seven years ago. Just go alone to a Saturday night social where there's. It's mostly couples go, but they're single people who go also. And so I went to like three or four of them over the winter. And then I was in an intermediate class this summer and there, there were. There was one, one man, I do not know if he was single. We didn't talk, but the first night, everybody. We exchanged numbers. I had a mutual friend with someone and we played pickleball with them. It's a. It is A very social sport. It's becoming, in fact, just. There's a person here who's a dating coach who. I'm not a client, but that's what she does in this area. And she just started a single pickleball dating page, believe it or not. And so I got it. So I got a thing. Invitation to join it, and I joined it. But it was just. It was actually mainly. I'm looking at who's in it. It's mainly her friends who are actually married.

Oh, not.

Not swinger friend. They're just supporting her new endeavor. But I know people who have met people through pickleball. It really is. A lot of men play it, and it's. I'm not good. But it's more of a social sport, so people just enjoy it.

And so how could you explore that more? Like, now that you have the dare challenge under your belt and knowing that you like pickleball? And then wouldn't it be cool if you met someone that also plays pickleball? Because then you guys could, like, do it together.

Ye. It would be great. I mean, yeah, they think I was terrible. But at August 20, there is another social. I haven't been to one since April, and I'm gonna go. And I have no idea who will be there, so there could all. But there are single men there. So I go to play, to exercise, to have fun. But there could be someone there.

I'm just wondering, like, are you to the point where you could go up to someone and just say, oh, hey, my name's Jill. Kind of use some of the. The stuff from the challenge. Are you to that point yet, or do you need.

Yeah, I. Yeah, I definitely do that.

Okay, cool.

I wouldn't do that with. There was a man this winter who was so mean to me at first pickleball social I went to in February, and I was playing partners doubles with him, and he. I was so beneath his level that he was just getting annoyed. And I was waiting, counting down till the game ended, so. And I think he's someone I saw on J. Date when I very first went on when I got divorced. But, yeah, if somebody was cute, no problem.

Oh, good.

I was attracted and just mean if I found a chemistry attracted to them. It's not all about looks, just a chemistry. So that particular man I didn't have one with, but definitely I would. And I would ask someone where they played, and I'm moving to a community that's where I played today that actually has dedicated pickleball courts, and they have One tennis court and two, pickleball. And people play every day, so it's a good way to meet people.

That is great. I want to try it.

Actually.

I've been hearing a lot about it lately.

It's, it's. I think they still say it's the fastest growing sport in North America or. But there are people who are really, really good and competitive and there are people who do it just because it's social and it's exercise and it's outside. I mean, the winter I played indoors, but I love playing outside now.

Hmm, that's great. Did you do the dare? That was. Who doesn't know you're single? Tell them.

I'm trying to think because I did almost every dare. I did. I did do that. And that was probably the second pickleball class where I'd met someone who I was an acquaintance who was. We have a close mutual friend. Well, today, like, we're getting to be better friends. Today I played with her again. We've played like four times out of class and our mutual friend played with us also. But yeah, that night or no, no, we were playing. We were already playing outside of the class. And I said. We were talking about where I was moving and I said, I'm single. If you know of anyone, I am single. So I did that. I did that.

And how did that go? Like, how did you feel during it? Was it scary to do that or were you already kind of. Are you already comfortable?

It's not something I usually announce so much anymore, but because I think sometimes now I'm been single, even though I go on dates sporadically for two years and so, you know, sometimes people think, well, she doesn't feel like dating, I'm not going to push her. So I felt like it was important to say now, if you know of anyone single, I'm looking to meet someone. I pretty much put it that way. I didn't just say I was single because I think they knew. They knew that, right?

You're asking for what you want.

I think that that felt good because the relationships I've been in have been that turned into long term. I'm not going to say successful because I'm not with them anymore, but for them, that lasted a while and were good. While they were good. Were we? I was set up by friends, not from the apps. So, yeah, I'm open to putting that out there.

And then what do you think was your biggest accomplishment during the challenge?

I definitely gained confidence just. And I guess flexing the muscles of things that I Hadn't done in a while. And it kind of ended with that. I forget if I was talking to you about this before on this recording, but at a bar and just ending up hanging out with a guy and dancing with him and having fun and that was, that felt great. That was something that I've missed just having not dated in a while. So.

Yeah. What was challenging for you? What was like the most challenging thing for you that you had to go through?

Some of the dares were just things that going to like giving a compliment to a stranger on a day where you weren't seeing anyone. So having to actually figure out how you could see someone to give them a compliment, which. That's an easy dare. Normally. I mean, I love giving compliments to strangers, but then all of a sudden realizing I don't see a stranger every day I'm at work. So having to sort of figure out how you could, how you could do some of them. And I'm. There were a few I missed. I didn't go to a dog park. I have a dog. So I like, I love that idea. I know people go to those yappy hour things that are happy hours and people meet people there. But my dog is 15 and almost 15 and doesn't do well sometimes with other dogs she gets scared. Sometimes she gets a little like attacky. So I, that one I just couldn't do. I could have showed up in a dog park without a dog, but I'd really like to go to a dog park with a dog.

So your most challenging thing was just like logistics? Almost exactly.

Exactly.

So it wasn't. What about personally anything challenging that you were like, oh my gosh, this is really nerve wracking. Or was that not something you felt?

Think what were some at the end remind me of some at the end that I might not have done.

Let's see. Well, I did some when I went on my trip. So those were. I did like post ones which you might not have done this one because you're already doing pickleball, but like because it's that same idea. Join a group like hiking, biking, running.

Yeah, I didn't do that one. And that was probably also logistics time because of my work schedule and I was buying a house and just what was happening because I would do something besides pickleball. But yeah, I kind of. I did that one this year.

So this is another post dare 1. Wear your shirt inside out.

I don't think I saw that one. Okay.

Yeah, I did some that were like post.

I know I didn't that's another thing. I think when it ended, just with accountability and with timing, I didn't do some. I really wanted to go join a trivia. I love that dare.

Oh, yeah.

Because I've been to trivia before, and it's really fun. And I don't know, I just got. I think it was around the time after the end of the challenge, and then I didn't get Covid, but I got a really bad sinus infection and had to cancel a trip and just didn't have the time to go to. But I still have that one in my mind. I still want to do that.

That's great. And even go somewhere and act like you're the host. That was, like, the last.

Yeah, I love that. And that's funny, because I really could have. I could have worked on that one when I was at the camp this weekend. I mean, there. There were hosts, and there were people who were paid or who get. Some of them just get to stay at camp for free, kind of mingle and show you their way around about the whole camp thing.

But that idea is kind of fun. I got that one when I did this music concert thing in the park, and my daughter and I went, and it was. Everyone had families, and we were, like, sitting there. We met my friend and her husband, and it was just four of us, and it was a little awkward. And then all of a sudden, some guy comes up to us. He's like, I host. And he really was the host, but he's like, Chad. And it just gave that idea of, like, wow, why couldn't anyone just do that?

Yeah, no, I. I could definitely do that again. Logistics. If I went to this camp again next summer, which I might. And so then if I met someone new who hasn't been there, and I could be like, here's what's going on and here's what you do tomorrow. Even though there's a schedule, Like, I could sort of help people choose what they wanted to do with the schedule. Even I could do that. I mean, not. It wouldn't be by the camp telling me I could be the host, but I could pretend to be the host.

Totally. Oh, I just did an interview the other day. She's a coach, but she. This is really out there. When she goes on an airplane, she sits in first class a lot. And so when she's on an airplane, she gets bored, and she sometimes has the flight attendant sit down in her seat, and then she gives out the drinks to the people because she's.

That is so Is that legal?

I know that's what I said, but she said it's. Some people let her, and some people.

Don'T, so that is so funny.

It was really. It was really cool. And regardless of whether you do it on an airplane. Right. Because that's a whole nother level. But, like, it's that idea of what could I do that's different right now? That's not into that. Falling into that same trap.

I would do that. And I hate flying. So that's really funny because that would make me kind of get over 20 minutes of my fear of flying by doing.

If you're. Yeah. If you have a task. Right.

Yeah, exactly. So I'm saving that one. I will do that one. I took your posters as things that I will do in the future.

That's why I did it that way. I was hoping that you guys would. Would do that and just keep it going. Just. And pull it out as you kind of felt the need to. The other one, I was wondering was doing something out of your comfort zone. Did you do that one?

Was that early in. Or was that.

That One was number 13. Wednesday. It's on a Wednesday.

I'm sure I did. I can't remember what I did, but.

See if I can see. See really quick to see if.

See If I tagged 13 because.

Not that one.

No, I didn't. And then, because that is something I've been doing since COVID I've just done. I've been going to all these peloton meetups and meeting new people and not really outside my comfort zone, but just people have looked at me and said, during pandemic, you went and made friends. Yeah, a lot of people didn't do that. And not friends online. Like people I've met in person and that I talk to.

Yeah, that's really cool. Oh, this one, you did take a picture with someone you don't know and post to the group.

And that was logistically hard because I didn't see anyone that day. And then I had friends, a family, their sons, and a couple went. Took me to dinner, that I joined them at dinner that night. And so that's a picture with the waiter. Yeah, I knew them. So again, I didn't see anyone that day that I didn't know. So I just said to the waiter, I need you to take a picture with me.

And so that's kind of what I'm looking to do, I think, just from talking to people so far that have done the challenge, and I'd love to hear your feedback. Also is the one that I'm thinking about doing in October is doing a longer one, like 60 days, but then having one dare a week. So then you're either doing it every day or you're doing it once, depending on what you can do. Do you think that would be helpful?

I think it would. I think it was like I was doing every dare until probably around that. Around 13. I did some of them. It's not that I didn't do any of them after 13, but it just kind of. My summer got to me and work, and I think I closed on a house July 15th. So that was in the middle of the challenge, and so I was just busy. But yeah, so maybe not every day, but, yeah, I mean, I'm definitely going to do it again. Already tell you I will still be single.

So when I do the next challenge in October, do you have any thoughts on what could make it better or definitely keep these things. Is there anything?

I liked the hash. I mean, the hashtag. The dares was really good. You were just able to check if I did a dare from that hashtag, and maybe if it's 60 days, a little less frequency, but maybe some of them could be a little bit more intense. I don't have any ideas offhand, but just if you have a couple days to think about it and really, how can I do this? And how can I make this happen? I don't know if there was ever a dare go to a restaurant alone, but there are people who can't go to a restaurant alone who don't like to. It's easy to me, I always think it's been easier for men than women not to go to a bar and try to be picked up, but just to go eat alone. A lot of people can't do that, and you definitely can meet people that way. So I don't know. I'm trying to think. I think keeping the engagement going just so I think some people join to be kind of lurkers. Maybe not intentionally, but they were in the group, but they weren't doing the challenges. And so just to be intentional and say, I'm in this group because I'm doing this and I'm not joining the group to watch 30 other people see what they're doing. But I'm not gonna tell you what I'm doing. I'm not really doing. Yeah, I'm not blaming anyone. I mean, I think everyone was curious generally not to. Not to see what other people did, But I think people should have some kind of commitment to It. When they join the group.

Yeah.

If it's 60 days, like, honestly, someone could meet someone during that, but that doesn't mean they would have to leave the challenge necessarily because they could keep doing dares with their partner or going out, you know, you could still do them.

Totally. And what do you think would be a good way? Because you mentioned accountability in the beginning. What would be a good way to kind of make that even better, do you think?

Not. Definitely. Not everyone had an accountability partner. And then my accountability partner, who I will not name, he. He was great, but he was. He was very busy over the summer, so we did it, but not always. So, you know, you need someone who really. Who you have a time to check in with every day. And I'm still friends with him. It's not, it wasn't his fault. He was traveling and he was all over the place, so. And I would, I would try to hold him accountable and he would. We did our best. And. But maybe just that, like, maybe even maybe if you randomly assigned accountability, and I think you did that for the people who asked for it, but if everybody has an accountability partner, then you have another job. Your job is to just do a 10am check in or 11pm check in or whatever works for those two people. Definitely.

And then do you think there's anything in the group that I could have done better to like, hold people more accountable or to make them feel more encouraged to be able to.

Oh, no, you def. I. You were definitely encouraged. I think that just because. And maybe it'll be different in the fall, I think in summer with people traveling and people's schedules just being summer schedules, maybe it'll just be different in the fall.

And then I was wondering about the experts. Did you get a chance to see any of the stuff?

I was on a few of the zooms. Some of them took place during my pickleball classes. But yeah, no, they were really good. They were really good.

Good. Is there anything that stood out that you were like, oh, yeah, that's the thing that I implement.

I'm just going to have a hard time remembering that. But I think it was. Who was the first one, the very first zoom expert?

First one was Dr. Nancy.

And someone was giving ideas about. About how to go up. Maybe it wasn't Dr. Nancy, it was the.

It was probably Kate about going up.

To people and giving ideas for that and ways to have those conversations. And I thought that was really good. I mean, Dr. Nancy was really good also.

Anything that they didn't, from what you saw that they didn't do that you would like. Oh, I really want to see this in the next one because I'm sort of. I have other people that I'm looking at and then also they could do other stuff too.

Yeah. And again, I just didn't engage. I tried to, but it was hard with just the time, the time of some of them didn't work. And then of course, you know, you recorded them and they were there. It's just again, logistics and timing of the summer to do all of that. But no, they were. The experts you had were really good. I mean they were, they, they gave great advice and great ideas. So I can't think off the top of my head of a different expert. I'm sure you know more people and more ideas than me.

Yeah, I was just wondering if there was like, oh, I really wish I learned how to do X. And you kind of mentioned in the beginning with maybe a dating profile, which is kind of funny because it's like.

Yeah, a dating profile. I mean one of my cousins is one. I have a cousin who is pretty popular right now on Instagram and she's a dating coach and she started her journey with a blog right when she got separated and she would blog all these crazy dates and then she was in a five year relationship which I think is over, but I'm not sure because they always get back together. But she's. Do you want me to say her name or.

Oh, sure, yeah, that'd be great.

I'm trying to think what she's doing. Relationships. Right. Is what she is on Instagram. I'm sure you could reach out to her. I'm not trying to plug her exactly. But there, there's. In one of the groups, there's a spin off of our 40 group and they post her Instagram reels a lot because she gives really good real dating advice and, and she is dating coach and she helps people with their profiles. And I've never worked with her. I mean she's just my cousin but. But because I follow, I see her things and everyone always says if I can use Natalie's name. Like she was in our challenge and she was pretty active. When they post her things, they're like, she is spot on. She's really just. And it's not anything, it's not anything you learn in school or degree. It's just something that she got from having all this dating experience and dating people with all these red flags and then being in a long term relationship and seeing things that really work. And so she's, she's funny, she's good. And so I'm not plugging. I'm not saying you should use her. I'm just saying, yeah, that idea. Yeah, she does. I was even thinking of calling her to look at my dating profile because I don't have one right now. I, I. The last dating app I was on was Facebook Dating, and I literally put two pictures and I wrote as my profile, I want someone who's real, meaning not even really, just meaning, like, not a bot and not someone who posts things without their picture, because Facebook dating is that bottom of the barrel. And with putting that as my profile, which that is so pathetic. And that was really me not trying. That was really just me. Facebook dating will show you mutual friends on Facebook, which I kind of like that. So that was me. Just let me see who's single right now, who I might know. But there was absolutely zero effort in that profile. Zero. And I would get a lot of. I can't say a lot of likes every day, and then I would look through them and I basically swipe left on everyone. Just no one was interesting. And I think I need to be in an. When I go on an app, I want to be in one that is more where you need to have a solid profile for people to see who you really are and not. Not Tinder and not Facebook dating. Bumble, I think, is a little bit better. Although, you know, we see stories in our groups, well, having. Having terrible results on Bumble. But I. And I know there's one. I think it's called the League. I did that once briefly. The League is a little bit more. I think it connects your LinkedIn profile and so it's people who are a little. Who are professionals, who. My LinkedIn isn't even. Doesn't even say what I'm doing right now. It's not current. But there's just different ways that you can. Different apps where at least you have to make more of an effort than Facebook Dating, where you literally can write nothing and have all these likes and people saying, oh, let's go on a date, and, yeah, I don't know you. Yeah, I mean, that's something that I'm just going to explore because I don't think I meet. I think I'm ready to meet someone in the wild. I would be open to it. It's just, it's really hard to find someone. So I'm still going to do activities like going to the Pickleball social and try to meet people, but it's A pretty small town, Baltimore suburbs. So I don't know. But I also like the idea of just people knowing that I'm single and that I'm going out socially so that friends who are, you know, married or partnered would. Would want to set me up with someone because they're like, she. She's fun. She goes out and does all this stuff and she's single and my friend's single and he also likes to have fun.

And yeah, it might be fun is if you just did a little flyer and eventbrite thing and you just invited single people, your friends, and then a mingling thing and you just kind of curate. I don't know if you saw. One of my friends posted that in the group where she did hers was on a boat.

Oh, I did see that. That was a really good one.

Just to kind of curate your own singles event. And I don't know if anything would come from it, but it's just a fun doing something different type thing.

Yeah, no, I would. I would definitely do that. Yeah. I. I have gotten really good at talking to strangers. It doesn't intimidate me. It doesn't scare me. It's more about meeting the strangers who want to have conversations and.

Yeah. Meet people and not attach to their phone.

Yes. So I'm open to all of that. Yeah.

And then I would encourage you to redo the eye. I think it was adorable that you did the eye contact. I think you were the one with the baby where you gave eye contact to a baby. Is that.

I did. Yes.

I would encourage you to do that one again with a guy.

Would. I definitely would.

Yeah. And just see. But just like a little lingering. Like that extra one second.

No, I did. And that was another one. That was the only place I went that day was Target and there was literally a baby making eye contact. Contact with me. And it's so easy to smile back and. But I could. I could do that with someone. I just have to find someone.

Yeah. And what do you think would be your. What would be your number one piece of advice for anyone else that's going to do the challenge next time?

For people who haven't done it before, like, I was talking to someone who hadn't done it. I could be the host. I could tell them I'll. I would encourage them. I would say that I definitely felt a vibe change this summer when I was doing it, that I gained confidence even though I thought I had it. Just having tasks to do every day was good. Because even though I don't mind Talking to strangers. It's easy to come home and not do anything. So having the challenge kept me going out in public and talking to people more. And so I would just encourage people, you know, who are especially as it gets closer to fall and winter, and people tend to hibernate if they're not dating someone. Just. It's a good way to. To keep. Make sure you keep talking to people and going out. Like in the summer, it is. It's easier because it's. It's great weather, people travel. So you're talking to strangers more in the summer. So. Yeah, I would just say it's a good way to build confidence, to change your vibe, as I've already said, and that it's fun. There's nothing, you know, if you miss one, nobody says, oh, you didn't do dare 12. You're kicked out of the group. The idea is just for you to hold yourself accountable and do as much as you can.

Well, thank you so much, Jill. This was so great.

Thank you.

Really appreciate you taking the time to do this with me. And thanks for being so supportive and encouraging to everyone through the challenge.

Thank you for my prizes. I'm wearing the shirt right now.

I'm so.

Did you die?

That's so cool. Yeah. Have you worn that out? Because I see you wearing. You wore it tonight doing peloton, but do you wear it out at all? I'm curious if anyone.

I have worn it out. I don't know that anyone said I anything to me yet, but I have and I will continue to.

Well, I'll keep you on my list for the Dare me. The Dare me shirt.

I will wear that. And. And when I wear the I love hot dad shirt, I'll like that won't be local.

Okay, sounds good. Well, thanks so much.

Thank you, Stacy.

Okay, bye.

Good night.

Thanks for listening to the do the Thing podcast. We hope you enjoyed the show. But even more, we hope you'll be inspired to do the thing. Do you have a burning question on doing the thing that you'd like answered? How about an inspiring do the Thing story of your own that you'd like to share? We'd love to hear all about it. Just leave us a voice message at dothething callcast co or email us at hello, do the Thing podcast?