Julie Greig: Looking For Love Over 50? This Author's Rules Of Dating Will Help You Take Charge Of Your Own Life As You Enter The Dating Scene

I do really believe 100% from every part of me that everyone has the capacity to be able to do the things that they want and not to be held back by the mental baggage that's in our head that we want to push through.

Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. In each episode, we get down and personal with people who go after the things they want to make all their wildest dreams come true. Join us as we unveil and dissect a formula for what it takes to do the thing. Here is your host, Stacy Lauren.

Hey, everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacy Lauren. Well, you guys, I have another great story of Doing the Thing. I had one of my community members introduce my next guest to me, and he had said that she was really incredible and doing really great things, and she just recently wrote a book for people to help them when they're dating in their 50s. And so I think there's so much power in, number one, writing a book, being able to help people when they need it, and then also having been there, done that, and being able to speak to it, there's just so much in that that I love to explore. So I'm so excited to introduce Julie to the show. Hi, Julie.

Hi. How are you?

I am good. Thanks so much for being here.

No, excited to be here.

I would love to start off and just hear about you and your story.

Okay, well, I'll cut my long story short, but it started quite a few years ago. I was happily married, doing all the things that families do, heading into our 50s, getting ready to retire. And then my husband got very sick. He came down with an esophageal cancer and wasn't given long to live. So life sort of turned upside down. And as time moved on, he passed away. And then I was on my own for a few years, and I was starting to feel very lonely. And it's something that we had discussed while he was ill. And he kept saying to me, you know, you're a people person. You need to be out there and meet somebody new. And I was, no, I'm not going to do that. I can't. But eventually I discovered that I needed to. I wanted somebody to come home to, someone who'd be there to say, how was your day? How was work? Or just talk in general. Sit down, have a glass of wine, some cheese, and enjoy the sunshine or whatever. All those things we used to do. And so then the thought came up as to, why do I do this now, particularly in my age group, how do we get out there and meet people? There were a couple of things. It was embarrassing, I guess, is probably the easiest word to use, because I didn't know what to do anymore. I'd been married for almost 35 years. So where do you start? In the old days, we used to go to pubs and discos and you'd meet guys on the dance floor. But those places didn't seem to exist anymore. Or not as I knew them anyway. However, as it was, I went out with a group of girlfriends and went to a local hotel where they had a band to perform, but it wasn't the same. I did meet some guy on the dance floor who just danced away with me, which was fine. But then when I went back to my table, he came over later and he wrote his phone number on a piece of paper and screwed it up and just threw it to me and said, oh, you probably won't use it, but this is my number if you want to contact me. Well, with an introduction like that, you can guess. I didn't bother contacting him. And then I said to one of my friends, there must be an easier way to meet men. And she said, well, Julia, there is, if that's what you're wanting to do. And then she told me she'd been online dating. What? She was my age. I thought, you're online? And she said, yeah, it's easy, and you meet some really nice people. So she came home with me and introduced me to online dating, I guess you can say. And the funny part of it was, but the first site that we went on to, and I. She explained what I had to do. Put in a bit of a profile right about myself. And somehow these dating sites have their own algorithms where they find your perfect match there. And of all people to come up, the first person that came up to me was a really good friend's ex husband. Oh, God. Oh, no. So I quickly deleted my profile and everything about me. I was so embarrassed. And then I thought, you know what? He's probably in the same position as me, looking for somebody as well, just not me. But I couldn't go back on that dating site because he was there. But I got the gist of it then. So then I thought, yeah, this isn't so hard. I'll give this a go. So that's how it started. And, yeah, so I met a number of different men going through that process, I'm saying meeting them, I was talking to them. I didn't actually meet them all face to face. And it just took A little while before I eventually got the courage, I guess you could say, to go out with somebody. So that's the start of it.

Yeah, there's so much in that, Right. Because we spend our lives living this life, right? And you're just going. And there's no break in it. So you think that everything's fine, and then all of a sudden you had this tragedy and everything stopped. And that's when you pretty much. You just didn't know what to do anymore. And I think that happens to so many of us, especially after a death or divorce or whatever comes up, because you've had this break, right. And you're now figuring out what you even want because you've been living with this other person for so long.

I guess I spent a lot of time looking after me and learning more about me. So that was a big thing, a big growth step. What do they say? That first relationship you're growing, and then after that you're glowing. So I was heading to that globe period, I think you call it. So, yeah, so it was time to just sort of get back out there. And in doing that, having that friend say to me she was using online dating took away some of the stigma for me as well, because I wasn't. I didn't even tell my kids or my bigger groups of friends or anybody at the time that that's what I was doing or wanted to do, because I didn't know how to. Or what they think of me. So I. I put a lot of pressure on myself just trying to work out how to deal with all of this. Yeah.

And let's fast forward to now, because now you wrote a book basically about your experiences, and I'd love for you to share what your book is and tell us a little bit about it.

Okay. All right. Well, my book came about because one of the lovely ladies I met on my journey, we became really good friends. So I started going to her house every Tuesday night after work. We'd have a glass of wine, and we used to love watching the trashy TV reality shows. Married at First Sight, Farmer Wants a Wife, all of those sorts of things. And as we're watching, we were both very judgmental because it was, oh, you silly girl, what are you doing there? And then I remember saying to my friend Michelle, I reckon I could write a book on this with the experiences we've had and the men we've met along the way, we could teach these girls something. And she said, you know what? I think she should. And so that got me started so that's going back a couple of years to nearly three years. So I started making notes on not only my journey, but her journey and the journey of a few other women I'd met along the way. So, yeah, my book started back then. Then I put it aside because I was still working and I like to write more. So for my own peace of mind, I'd never done anything with it. But then I retired and I thought, you know what? One of my goals is to finish that book I started. So I enrolled in some classes to learn about writing a book. I visited some sites about writing and publishing. And then I thought, right, that's it. I've got a lot of support here. I'm going to do this. So that's how my book Kissing Toads came about. And I called it Kissing Toads because all of us, men, women, whoever, we meet some pretty slimy people along the way before we find our handsome prince or princess, whoever you're looking for. So that's where it started. And one of the things that came out of it was all of the questions we all had. And as we learn other people using dating sites, we'd ask some questions about the dating sites. How do you use this? What do you put in your profile? What don't you put in your profile? Or what sort of picture do I put up? So I thought, we've all got these questions, so maybe we need some sort of guideline. Not even a guideline, just some thoughts for people to think about when they're doing their profile. But more importantly, I noticed for women in particular, we tended to put ourselves down. I don't know if this is the right word to use or not, but make it look like you were desperate to find someone when you're not really. We're our own people, we're important, we've got our self worth. But it was like you're putting yourself on a meat market trying to please other people out there rather than being you. And I thought, no, no, women shouldn't be doing this. You want someone to meet you and like you or eventually love you for who you are. So I thought we need some rules on this. Not that I like rules, because I don't, but there are some rules that I thought were the golden rules. And my number one golden rule is you make the rules. And I thought if we start with something like that, tell people that you're in charge of your own life, it's up to you to decide what rules you work with. I started my book off with some of these rules so that people knew that everything's in their control. So they do that. Then rule number two was that you have a right to change the rules. And then rule number three, the final of the golden rules, if rule one fails, go back to rule number two. So it's up to them. Then I thought maybe some rules on using dating sites. So I've suggested to people they check the sites out. One of the big things with dating sites is we all have a fear that they're not safe. And that's true. There's a lot of scammers out there and there's a lot of no good people. There's a lot of domestic violence, family violence, stalkers, the works, it's all out there. But what I've learned through the research I was doing on writing my book was that's always been there and we probably knew that, but it's just online dating has highlighted it and shown how much of it is out there. And I don't know about in the us but in Australia the government stepped in now and we have a round table on online dating safety, which is pretty significant. And an announcement was only made yesterday from government that they're giving the dating sites, I think it's 12 months to get their act together and put better safety precautions in place or the government will be doing it for them. So that's a huge step and I think online dating brought that forward. So because we just, it was covered up before because people were virtually on their own. You'd see an ad in the paper or meet somebody back then in the local pub or wherever. So other people didn't know what was going on behind closed doors. Whereas now because of the Internet, because of Facebook, the do the thing, the singles pages, we're talking more about it and people are willing to share the information and what's happening. And a lot of us are now standing up and saying, no, that's not right, no, you need help, get help or you can get it for them. So there's a lot of that going on and that's what I've tried to cover in my book. Look after your own self worth, your own mental well being. There's some of the sorts of rules I've put in there. So it's just to make women and men, if they're reading my book, do think about themselves as well and making themselves their priority.

Yeah, it's so important and I know I kind of, this is what I teach a lot. Right. Because by the time people are coming to do the thing and the dating challenge specifically. They're just so exhausted and so depleted and just need something to be able to get themselves life back, just to see that there's other options. So I love that you're speaking to it in the book because I think when you acknowledge it, it makes people feel like they're not alone. And then it also makes them feel like there's nothing wrong with them or there's just something going on they need to be aware of. So then they're able to kind of make decisions and make their own rules.

That's true. And as I talk to people, I've started marketing my book and I have a lovely message from one lady who says she's adopted my rules. And I thought, to me, that's a win because that's what it's all about. I always said if I could just help at least one person, I'd be really happy that my books achieved something. So people talk about my toolbox. In my book, I talk about keeping a toolbox together. And the toolbox is filled with what I call useful things, like it might be for me, it's my sisters. They're very important to me, so they're my number one item. My friends are up there very close with them. There's always a bottle of wine and a glass in there. Some good books, some old movies. I always tell people to have the old Sex and the city DVDs in there too, so they can watch Samantha and Carey as they're getting older and see how they dated with older men. The ups and downs of that. So just those sorts of things. Virtually anything they want to put in their toolbox. So there's some of my things. And then I go on to talk about the first date, like who should ask who out? Because that seems to be a big question on the dating discussion sites. So what? I've said that in this day and age, does it really matter? I've got just as much right to ask somebody out as they have to ask me out. After all, I've paid a membership fee on the dating site like they have, so why can't I use it the same way? Who should pay for that first date when you go out, more often than not, the man pays. However, we can go halves or buy my own coffee. It's really up to you and how you feel at the time or how you both feel when you're on the date. Just make sure you know beforehand. In one of the stories on one of my dates, I wrote about this man who we went out. We were sitting outside a lovely seaside cafe. I'd brought us both a glass of wine because I got there first, so I thought I would. And in our discussions earlier, he'd mentioned how he liked to drink wine. He actually lived in a wine region. And I said how I liked a glass of wine too. So I thought I'd be prepared when he got there. And we were having a really interesting night, or afternoon turned into night, so we stayed at the cafe and had dinner. And that was really lovely too. But then when the bill came, he took it. Now, I didn't expect him to pay, but the way he took it, I thought, oh, he's covering the bill. And I was about to say, look, I'll go hard sweep you, or whatever, but he didn't ask the waiter for a pen. So he sat there and itemized everything to work out what he was paying for, then gave the bill to me. And. And that sort of was a bit of a shock. I mean, if you would have just said, oh, I'll just sort my side of it out, is that okay with you? Or something like that, it would have been different. But it was weird to me. So I touched on that because it sounds pretty straightforward, but when you're actually in that position, it wasn't so straightforward. So, yes, I've covered that. And there was also a story I covered where another man I met online who we planned a date night and we'd made it for the Saturday night because we both had engagements on the Friday night. And the weird part of it was our Friday nights were both at the same place, just at different tables. I thought, oh God, how crazy is that? So we agreed that we'd say hello to each other, sort of have a. A pre date date, if that's what we can call it. And he seemed really nice. I think I'd had a few drinks too many because I invited him to my table, which I did say is not a good thing when you've got 11 other people sitting at the table. This person, and it's the first time he's met you. But anyway, he was pretty good about it. His friends had all gone, so I just thought it was the right thing to do. Oh, come and join me. And had a nice night. Then we went out. The next night was really nice and we planned to catch up next week, but then I didn't hear from him and I thought, oh, something's not quite right here. And then I put it down to, well, maybe he's busy. And then the Saturday afternoon came around and we were supposed to be going out the Saturday night, and I got this awful message coming, just, julie, please do not bother contacting me again. I can see you're still on the dating site, so if you're busy looking for somebody else, I want nothing to do with you. Well, my first thought was, well, what are you doing on the dating site? Yeah. But then I recalled in a conversation when we were getting to know each other the week before, I told him how I'd met these two elderly men, older men, on the dating site. They were both in their 80s and they were really sweet. And I built up a relationship with them, like a father, daughter type relationship, because they'd seen my photo, they'd made some comments, so I just thanked them for it. But there are boundaries and they were a bit old for me. But they were lovely to talk to and I could see they were just lonely. And then as we got to know each other, they'd tell me about their wives and their lives and I was really sad. So I decided to keep talking to them. And I said, look, can we just be friends? And they like, both of them, like that idea. So if I was going on a date, I always told them. And when I got home and told them about it. So I told this guy about that. And I'd actually been online talking to these men because I wasn't leaving them behind just because I'd gone on a date. And I reminded him of that. And then he messaged me back telling me he was sorry, would I forget what he said? And I said, well, no, because it was quite cruel the way you treated me. And you could have asked me outright up front when you first noticed me online, hey, what you doing? Or something like that. They said, oh, no, no, no, to be honest, he said, do you remember I was going out with a woman before you? And he had told me about that. Said, well, she contacted me to tell me she sold up to move closer to me so we can continue our relationship. And I didn't want to hurt her and tell her about you, so I thought I should just end it with you. And I was really angry then because I thought here he was trying to blame me for something I hadn't done wrong. And really he just wanted to go back to the person he was with before me if you would have told me that, that this isn't going to work. I really like this other woman. So I messaged him and told him that. And then he had the audacity to message me back and say, oh, I don't really like her, but I feel sorry for her because she's moved so close to me and she's not independent like you, so can we please give it a go? So with that came the word toad, because that was the first time I called somebody a toad.

Wow. He inspired the toad.

Yeah. It's like a thank him for that, I guess, but I just thought he was so horrible and I asked him not to contact me again and I hope he has the guts to tell the other woman. Yeah, he didn't like her because I thought, how cruel to her if he's just going out there because he feels sorry for her. Yeah.

So many lessons. It's so great when you were able to live through all these lessons and then you're able to almost be a guide post for someone that's new or even maybe someone that's been doing it a while and is still kind of swimming through the sea and not sure exactly where to go.

Look, I've enjoyed doing that. As I said to start with, it was about me and my girlfriend and a couple of friends. But as I got talking and as I was doing my research, the number of people I've met, and not only people in their 50s. My book talks about one lady who's in her 80s, because I read in Cosmopolitan that women have sexually satisfying lives later in life. Now, I didn't know that, so I thought, good one for everyone to know. Yeah. And this lady was in her 80s, lonely, met somebody through Facebook, what I called the All American war hero. But he ended up being a pretend army toad. Scammed her of so much money, she lost a house, her daughters tried to tickle her. What's this? American war hero? What's his? Interesting. You here in Australia, Mum, you know, what are you doing? And it's, don't interfere in my life, you're stopping my happiness. They weren't. They even got the police in to talk to her because nothing at that time had really happened. The police couldn't interfere. They just warned her about being careful and not sending money. Anyway, she was fuming and was moving out. And she ended up contacting her friend overseas to tell him what her horrible daughters had done. And he got upset and said, oh, I don't know why they did that. I was going to call you to ask if you'd marry me. You're right. So she got all excited. Then he just needed the money to come to Australia to marry her. So she was going to plan all of that, which she Ended up doing, by the way. She lost everything she owned, stayed with her daughter for a while, but blamed it all on one of her daughters. So ended up moving into a nursing home with just enough money to get by. And she just wouldn't listen. And she still, when she went to the nursing home, she told her younger daughter, don't think you're getting an invite to the wedding because you're not. And she's still waiting in that nursing home. And you sort of think, how can people do that? But they do.

Yeah. Did you notice anything through the stories and through your story on what can really help people kind of go through dating, especially as we're aging.

The big things I learned there was to trust your instinct because we tend to make excuses for people. I did it myself. I've done a couple of pages on what I call the red flags. And we all know they're out there, but for some reason, when you're dating, you've got those rose colored glasses on. I know I did. One person I was seeing didn't like visiting my friends and I thought that's just because he wants to spend time with me. What I didn't realize he was isolating me. So my friends were disappearing out of my life because that's what he wanted, not what I wanted. I'm a people person. I like to be around my friends and go out with them. If I went out to dinner with my friends, he didn't come with me. So I remained that third wheel. It was like I didn't have a partner because when we went anywhere where my friends were, he wouldn't be present. So one of those things was stick to your own morals, your own guidelines. The person you end up with has to take on board you as a person. Like you take on them. There's gotta be room for compromise. Friends should become our friends, not just people that he doesn't want anything to do with. So that was a big thing for me, keeping track of my self worth. I watched a friend who was going up with this really narcissistic man and she could not please him no matter what she did. She loved his kids. She made sure they had when they were with him, you know, they had birthday parties there. She bought them clothes, she did everything for them. She helped him out with his finances. Sometimes she'd even buy nice clothes to wear and he would say things like, what are you wearing? You look like a slut. Just horrid things like that. She'd go out and get her eyelashes done or her face Pumped up things because she thought she looked at the woman who was looking at magazines. And I said to her, oh, there'd be warning signs. But I couldn't tell her because she was lonely. So loneliness isn't a reason to latch onto someone. And I think that's important to learn too because yeah, we all get lonely, we're all really vulnerable, but there are some horrible people out there too that just don't treat you like a human being. So I'm all saying try and be nice to each other. So it's getting people to do that. The other thing too is remembering who your friends are. Because friends, your girlfriends are so important, that sisterhood around you of people who will support you, they'll criticise you when they think you need it, give you a good kick in the pants to bring me down to earth. And I turned away from some of my friends and later realized they were trying to help me. So friends are so, so important and we need to listen to them and so is family, if you've got a supportive family or just for me. I didn't want to tell my boys that I was going out with someone that I'd started dating again. I've got two sons. The youngest son I thought would, because he lived close by, I thought he would not be happy at all. My boys were very close to their dad. But the youngest son accepted and he said, oh, Mum, it's about time, I'm starting to worry about you. And my youngest son used to do date nights with me tw twice a week and ring me virtually every day. But my older son, it was a shock for him and he hung up on me the first time I told him and I thought, oh, I need to give him time to absorb what's happened, what I'm doing. And then he rang me back, he apologized, he told me he wasn't happy, but he was willing to give it a go. But he lives over in Malaysia, so he's a seven hour flight from me. So he just, I guess, was being protective. Being the older son, he eventually came around. He would criticise if he felt he needed to do it and quite often I'd have to remind him he was not my father, he was my son. But I could see where it was coming from. So that was important to me that the children knew and that the new partner also accepted my family, I mean, mine are adult kids, but it doesn't matter, they're still my family. So whoever has to accept me and I'm a package deal, the same as that because most of us in our 50s, 60s, whatever, we've lived a full life. A lot of us have children or adopted children or whatever, friends, et cetera. So it's all part of the package. So just understanding that and realizing I'm not just one individual with nothing around me. You're taking me on. You're taking my past, my quirky habits, the things I like to do. I'm learning about the things you like to do. I mean, for me, I learned about drag racing and car racing and even sailing. She who's not confident on the water can now go in the sailing boat and sort of help sail. These were things that I'd never done before. So another thing is, you know, be willing to take on these new things. Yeah.

I mean, that's what's nice, is when you're with someone that encourages you and you support you and then gets you out of your comfort zone, too. And being able to meet someone that helps you expand also.

Yeah. And also one of the big things, a lot of women, is the sexual side of it, too. When do you initiate that? Or who initiates? Or do you? Or how do we do this? There are big questions that come up because most men are very eager, whereas women, particularly if they've had good marriages. Part of your mind is thinking you're cheating because you had a wonderful husband. But he's not there now, so it's getting yourself through that as well. And I've even covered some silly things in my chapter on let's Talk About Sex. Silly things like taking your clothes off. How do you do that without poking somebody in the eye with an elbow or whatever. And I'm saying, you know, remember, you've still got those silly socks on your feet because you may not have taken them off. Or sometimes it just doesn't happen the first time. And that's when I suggest you put on some of the old Sex in the City DVDs and watch some of Carrie's adventures with some of the older men she was with. Or sit down, have a drink and start again. Because it's not always skyrockets in flight. So some of it's funny, but some of it is. They are genuine questions that people ask. Yeah. Uncomfortable as a strange man. I've never done this before with anybody else but my husband or whatever. Yeah.

What do you think's the hardest thing you had to go through as you were kind of going through this time?

For me, I guess, is this the right thing to do? That was at the start, because it's not easy. As I said earlier, I was one who felt like I was cheating because I'd had my married life back in the 60s and 70s. Once your husband died, you put on a black dress and your pearls, and that was you. For the rest of your life, you were a widow in mourning or your family married you off to some old guy who needed somebody to look after them. So that's what I remembered about widows. Times have changed a lot. And 50 is sort of like the new, I'm going to say 35, not 40, because we're still full of life. We've got far more opportunities than our sisters before us had. So we're not old. We've still got a whole life to live, or a Chapter 2, as I call it. So the hardest thing was taking that big step, getting out there, or as I say, putting your big girl pants on and telling yourself you can do this again, and then not comparing that date to your previous relationship. That is so hard as well, because we all have these expectations of what our perfect marriage was. And it might not have been so perfect, but we always remember all the perfect things. And then the next person, they're not going to live up to that. Their perfection or almost perfection will be in a different way. So you've got to remind yourself of that. This is a new relationship, a different person who's bringing different qualities and getting different things from me too. So I've got to remember that. And yeah, that's hard at first, but as long as you've got somebody who understands that and helps you through, can work.

And what would be your biggest piece of advice for the listeners on doing the thing.

Do what's right for you. Don't settle for second best. You're you and you know what you want, so don't go for anything less.

And what if you don't know what you want?

You soon find it. Because I went on a number of dates thinking they were what I wanted. But each time I learned something new. And I'm really thankful to all of the men I went out with. It makes it sound like a lot, but it was, I think, six or seven that I went out with more than three or four times. But I grew each time. And some of them I ended, some of them they ended. But then when I met the man I'm with now, who I've been with for four years, that first night I actually went out to give him a piece of my mind because on his I was in a bad mood. And on his dating page, to Me sounded really cocky and arrogant. And I was having what I call wine o' clock with my sister, as we did on a Friday night, because she lives interstate. And so we did a weekly catch up. And as I'm talking to her and she's giving me love and sister advice, I'm reading the dating site. I said, hey, listen to this. And I read his dating profile and I said, well, you know what? I'm going to see if this man will go out with me because I'd love to give him a piece of my mind because he's just so arrogant. Because I had a really bad day before that. My. My toad was the one before that. And so I met this man at this cafe we were going to. And it was like a different man. He wasn't the man I'd read about. I couldn't be mean to him. But he started ticking boxes that I didn't even realize were things I wanted. I thought, wow, is this real? Because all these other things were coming to me. And I think, you know what, really, these things were all there, but I just put them aside. I'd forgotten about them. But I wanted somebody to share all these different things with me. And he was doing that. And then he offered to drive me home, first date. So of course I didn't. But I said to him, now I'm going to walk. Because we'd gone to a cafe close to where I lived. And it was a nice sunny evening, lovely and warm, and I lived by the sea, so it was a beachfront walk and I knew there were lots of people, so I was safe getting home. I had all my safety precautions in place like I did every day. Phone the family to say where I'm going, how long I'm going to be, what time I'm going to be home, I'll ring when I get home. Done all of that. But I got home and I rang my sister and I said, I've just met this incredible man, but it's only the first date, so he can't be real. Yeah. So it was really interesting. So when I got home and after I'd finished talking, I realized he'd put another message on the dating site to me just thanking me for a wonderful evening. Would I like to do lunch with him one day during the week. So, yeah. And so it just went from there that I started to. And I don't know if everybody does this, but I analyze everything and I think we've all got a lot of thinking time. And I think you learn as you Go through your dates, what's important to you and you might pick it up in one date. But then you said everything. So once you've been out with a person, I think three or four times, you start to look deeper as to are they giving you what you want. Because that first date is what I call your rose colored glasses. Oh, he's really handsome. He's so friendly. He's so nice. We're laughing. Second date is sort of just filling in the gaps from the first date. Third date, we might be getting somewhere here. It's either move on or time to say goodbye. Fourth and fifth date, maybe there's a future here. And that's how I operated anyway. So that's what I. Yeah, just something with my dates. And the other thing too, I think with it being online dating, one of the things I did like about it was you could be upfront with what you're looking for. Some people are just testing the water or looking for a fling or looking for a committed long term relationship and so you can be upfront about that. And that's what I kept saying. I'm looking for my happy ever after. I don't want to keep playing these games at my age. I want to find somebody who wants to enjoy doing things with me, who wants to travel and explore and enjoy this chapter of our lives. Because time is moving on quickly. And having lost my husband the way I did, I don't take any day for granted. Every morning I wake up, it's a blessing as far as I'm concerned. So I wanted somebody else who shared that passion as well. That we weren't just going to sit at home watching TV and eating cheese O's or whatever. We were just going to get out there and do things and do a lot of those things you can't do when you're restricted because you've got children at home or a mortgage hanging over your head. We've got to the point in our lives, our kids have grown up, hopefully your home's paid for or you're fairly settled financially. So now it's my time to enjoy life. So let's get somebody we can enjoy life with. Yeah.

And I think you really touched on something really important too and where you met the guy that you're with now. And it's so easy to kind of shut those feelings down. Right. And wonder is this too good to be true? And being able to keep yourself open, your heart open as you're meeting all these new people. Do you have any kind of advice for people on that where they can actually keep themselves open and not let the frustration of the games and the different things that happen kind of bring them down.

The only advice I've got there is, and there's a fine line here, so this is. It might sound a bit confusing, but I think one of the things we're all guilty of doing is we always look for what's wrong with a person rather than what's right. So if we can do that without wearing the rose colored glasses of Everything's Perfect, but start focusing on some of the positives you get out of the date, I think that's a big thing. The other thing, I restricted myself to look at people my own age. So I was looking for 54, 55 year olds. I didn't want to go out with an old man, so I wasn't going out with anybody older. But I wasn't getting anywhere there. So after one of my breakups when I went back and did a new profile, I expanded the age group up to five years older than me. And that made a huge difference having men who were just that little bit older. And I don't know why, but it did. So I thought one of the things the dating site said was don't restrict yourself, have fun, meet a lot of people. And I thought, no, that's not me, I can't do that. I'm a one man ward. That's how it is for me. But then I thought, yeah, okay, I should take a bit of their advice on board. So I did open the age range and that sort of helped me along.

Well, please share with everyone where they can buy your book and learn more about you.

Okay, well I've got my book on my landing page or web page as you might want to call it. So it's Julie Greg.com or www.juliegreg.com. so that's available direct from me. It's also on Amazon for people that want it in Kindle form. Booktopia. I don't know if you have Booktopia in the States. Benson, Noble, Angus and Robertson, a book company called Shift. I was actually surprised. I saw about five or six different companies that picked it up. But I'm happy to do it direct. My publishing company worked directly with the US and I know I've already got a few books out there amongst the community already. So if anyone's interested, more than happy to help you out.

Well, thank you so much for coming on. This has been amazing getting the chance.

To talk to you. Oh, thank you for having me.

I'VE enjoyed it and for the listeners. Do the Thing. Don't wait for opportunity. Create it.

Thanks for listening to the do the Thing podcast. We hope you enjoyed the show. But even more, we hope you'll be inspired to do the Thing. Do you have a burning question on Doing the Thing that you'd like answered? How about an inspiring do the Thing story of your own that you'd like to share? We'd love to hear all about it. Just leave us a voice message at dothing callcast co or email us@helloothethingpodcast.com.