Lauren Mauldwin: Leveraging Uncomfortable Situations To Boost Personal Growth And Confidence

I do really believe 100% from every part of me that everyone has the capacity to be able to do the things that they want and not to be held back by the mental baggage that's in our head that we want to push through.

Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. In each episode, we get down and personal with people who go after the things they want to make all their wildest dreams come true. Join us as we unveil and dissect a formula for what it takes to do the thing. Here is your host, Stacy Lauren.

Hey, everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacy Lauren. Well, this feels like a full circle kind of day, you guys. It's so cool when you get to meet people at the beginning of you wanting to do the thing, meaning a new thing that you want to do, and then you get to actually almost connect the dots together when you get to meet them after that thing is already happening. And that's kind of where this next guest fits in, is she's somebody that I was working with while I was. Right after I exited my business and as I was discovering what I wanted to do next and right before the do the Thing podcast started. And I'm exploring all these different things, and she's sort of helping me manage my brain in such a cool way at being able to take the floodgates that were coming out of of my different portals and then organizing it in a way so that I could see it visually. And it really helped me get to the point of focus and being able to have more clarity because her questions are always so good and the way that she's able to see things and her perspective. And so it's really fun now that the do the Thing podcast has been going for a year to actually get to talk to her on here because we haven't been able to really dive deep into her story too. And so I'm just super excited to get a chance to talk to her and have you guys meet her as well. So I'm excited to welcome Lauren to the show. Hey, Lauren.

Thank you. Hi, Stacy. I'm super grateful to be here.

Yeah, thanks. I'm so excited to do this with you, and it just feels so. It's weird that it's been a year and then now you're here, because I feel like you were such a big part of me getting to this point.

Yeah, it feels like it feels perfectly, perfectly personal because I'm. I'm just so grateful to have watched you go through this and find your thing. And this is the thing that you are doing by helping other people do it. And it. It just feels really good. And so I'm excited to just kind of explore that and see what we fall into with each other.

Well, let's start off. I'd love to have the listeners learn more about you. Can you start off and just share your story?

Yeah. So I'll go super high level. I guess so. On a personal and kind of life direction level. Stacy and I met because I helped her when she was going through the exciting phase of selling her business. And we met through Christine, who is a mutual friend of Stacy's and mine. And I started working with Christine back when I was in college actually, and kind of went through the journey with her of realizing that entrepreneurship was something that was really exciting to me. And we went through a couple businesses. So that's how I got introduced to Stacy and was very lucky. But yeah, in. In my life overall. Personally, I. I've always grown up here in California and I kind of. I struggled a little bit, especially when I was younger, with doing the things that I thought were the right things that I was supposed to do and kind of following the rules that were generally told to me would be the safest things to get where I wanted to be in my life. Right. And that in the shorter grades, it's like you just do really well in school and then you can go to a great college and then you can have all the options open to you. Right. And so I did that. And I still felt like once I got there, it still didn't all make sense. And I either. That was the first kind of existential crisis that I think I had, realizing that it's not that simple and it's kind of. It's structured to be easier than it is when ultimately it's just about relationships and what the thing is for us. And so I've been grateful that now I'm able to kind of put my own spin on that. And what I do in work and in my personal life is more about the people and the experiences that make that possible, but still kind of fusing in that kind of ambitious side that does get me really excited in the business side and growing companies, entrepreneurship, which I still love, but my own version of that, which I think is a lot more mindful and oriented in why things are being done in the first place. So. Yeah. And that's where I'm at now and just kind of excited about putting the human side into all of it and what that looks for each person. And so that's why I'm glad we're talking, because I think you're a great example of that, of getting people to actually be sincere about what they want and what that looks like for them and how it's actually going to happen and that it comes from them. Right. And that's, I think, what part of what it means to do the thing right. Yeah.

And that's kind of where do the Thing evolved, because when I first started, I was really thinking it was just going to be about doing the thing and getting people, because when I owned the staffing company, I kept seeing people that were stuck by their own demise, pretty much, and just those patterns that would keep coming up over and over again and would hold them back from either showing up to work or going for the right job or quitting the job to start a business or whatever it was that they wanted to do but then weren't doing. And so I was really wanting to create a space for people to go beyond those patterns and be able to do whatever they wanted. And then as the podcast developed, I realized it was so much more than that. It was helping them do the thing based on what they wanted to do, not because they thought someone should do something or because they thought that someone else expected something from them, or it was coming from any other place other than from what was inside of them.

Mm. Yeah, that's so. That's so powerful, because I think a lot of times there are choices that we make, and maybe you relate with this, and we think it's our choice, but we realize that for a lot of us, we've rarely been able to make a choice that's completely ours in our life. We think we're making it because it's just us, but it's so many other factors of expectation from other people or at later points, just from ourselves about what we should be doing, but we don't actually authentically want it.

Right.

And so that's why I love this, because it's not telling people what to do. It's just telling people, you know what it is, but just do it.

I love that. You totally get it. I was just telling Lauren before the interview, we saw each other recently at a party, and I was asking her what she thinks do the thing means to her, and it was pretty much that idea of, yeah, you know what it is in your mind, so then just do it. And then I was able to use that in a comedy routine that I just recently did. I am, because I feel like a lot of people Are like, what's my thing? And so that's what also can get them stuck. And so that's where I'm really wanting to make sure the message is right. So then they're able to really kind of just not get stuck at any moment. And just being able to focus on the do part of the thing, it's not so much what that thing is. Actually, you know what? I'm thinking you might be a good person to explore this with for a minute. And I do want to get more into your story, too, But I'm thinking because you've seen our mutual friend and how you guys are able to move through each thing, and then you work 100% on that thing, and then you sell it, and then you move on to another thing. So you always have one line in sight, right? You're putting blinders on to be able to accomplish each goal. And there's a new thing that I've been really exploring, which is sometimes it's okay to have just a rough draft idea of what you want, because I think a lot of people don't have a clear idea of what that goal is. They just have a rough draft idea. That's where doing the thing comes in. Because then the thing can evolve. It doesn't have to be this one rigid thing. It can be. And I was just wondering, what's the difference? Because you've seen me go puppy brain, where I went to after I exited, and you were with me for that year and a half where we were working together, having you help me explore these different ideas, where I had constant puppy brain looking at all these different things. And then it wasn't until I paused and then was able to. To come up with this. But what's the difference between someone getting distracted by a bunch of different things or someone just having a rough draft goal and making strides towards that goal.

Yeah, I think that's a great question. Cause I think for most people, first of all, they like the idea of doing the thing, but they don't know what the thing is. And so for most of us, it's not even necessarily the execution or it seems that way. It's the clarity on what it is at all. And so that's why doing the thing can mean doing anything, because it's the law of physics, of momentum.

Right.

Or just doing something creates movement, which creates movement somewhere else. Right. Like nothing happens in isolation. And I think I really agree with the. The idea that competence creates confidence. And so the more stuff we do, and even if we suck at it being comfortable with that. And then we fall into something that even if we're bad, we're willing to keep doing it. And so then we can become good at it. And then once we're good, we're getting all the positive feedback and then we become amazing. But the willingness to suck, even if we enjoy it, is one of the things. And then also I think, I guess the difference between having a rough draft that is intent based and just doing a lot of things is looking deeper into the sincerity of it. If it's a rough draft because it's something we love and we don't even need the evidence right now that it's that we're good at it or that other people approve of it, then it's probably a good rough draft because it means you're doing it for you and the skills can follow that's easy to be created. Right? But yeah, if it's something that's just like, oh, I'm trying all these things because maybe I'll like it, but I'm not feeling it yet, it might be something where we're still developing that muscle of being comfortable with things being unclear. So in that sense it can be valuable because a lot of us have that discomfort of being like, I'm doing a lot of things, I haven't found that yet. And so to sit in it and then release that tension of, oh, I should be doing something, then we can relax and just feel what feels good. And then even if we're bad, it's okay. And then we can get better because we love it.

Yeah, you bring up a really good point too. Because by you getting more confidence in yourself, in being able to do the thing, whatever the thing is, I mean, it could even be picking out your clothing, you know what I mean? Like, you could just, oh yeah, ever it is. Without having to ask anyone's opinion. The higher confidence that you get then the more you're able to go after new things. And then I think the sign that you're on the wrong track, honestly, is when you have to ask people to see what they think of something. Because when you know it inside of you, that's when you're really on the right track. Because you know, it's, it's coming from a place of internal want and desire.

That's so true. And a lot of us, it can be hard to differentiate whether like, we think we're on the right track because of ourselves or because for so long or from so many outside factors we just think we are. I don't know someone posed this, that was that some mastermind or something? But the question is, if you woke up tomorrow and we're on a deserted island and you had all of your resources taken care of, how would you spend your time? And then you realize, what would I do if there was no social capital associated with one activity or another? And I think then we realized, oh, a lot of things I think I like are just because I get societal feedback that it's a good thing to like. And then it becomes really hard actually to. To realize that there are a lot of things that maybe we just. I mean, we do enjoy them, but it's. It's because we. Maybe we're programmed to. Because we're made to feel like it's the right thing. So that can be hard. But a lot of us don't take the time to think about that or to realize what that actually is, because we never have the opportunity.

Totally. I love that question. And I just saw these kinds of deep questions happen in the community that I'm doing right now. We did a find your voice challenge, and then every day I gave them a dare with a different reflective question like that. And then to see the power that. Just a simple question a day, and then recording your thoughts on the question, what that can do to someone and the transformation it had on the community, it was astounding. So I think those kinds of questions are really what can help you get to know yourself better and what your values are and what you're wanting.

Exactly. And that's why it's so special that someone be able to do this in a community like yours, where people are supporting you, but they're not putting their own opinions of what you should be doing on you. Right. Because for a lot of people, it's difficult to ask and come to those realizations on your own with yourself. But having someone ask you and having to be accountable and speak it out makes us realize that we actually think differently than we probably assumed we did about ourselves. So it's so unique to have a space where you have the social accountability without the expectation. Because what you're describing, which is really special, with the challenges and the questions that are these really deep questions. It's so similar to journaling, where you're being prompted with a very juicy, introspective thought, which is amazing. And the layer to it that you're adding, which is really special, is most drilling for people is. It's written down, right? You grab a pencil and paper and there's all these resources on the Internet, like the 5 Minute Journal and all of that that we can use. But most of it is, it's written.

Right.

And for you. I remember back when you having all these exciting ideas. It was like you go for a walk and you record yourself speaking. Oh, gosh. And so that's. And I. And it's, it's not, it's. It's a real thing. You could sit in a room for days and be waiting for something to come to you. It never hits. And as soon as you get outside and you start moving, you do something, it comes to you because energy is in motion. Right. And so that's why it's so cool that you're doing that. Cause you're asking people questions and you're giving them an opportunity to answer it with their body, not just with writing it on paper for themselves. Some people say journaling can be good. Instead of setting a time for five minutes and writing on a piece of paper, just talk for five minutes on your phone. Turn the microphone on and you'll realize that one comes out of you is a lot less filtered than what you'd put on paper.

It's funny, I'm laughing because I didn't remember doing that. Where I would. I guess I would. I voice note you the different things that I was working on. Is that what you're referring to?

Yeah, like voice numbers. You're like, I have this idea, I'm on a walk right now. And you could hear the water behind you. Or like you could hear that you were truly outside and that's where everything was coming out. And so with stuff like that, I feel like the, the 8020 rule is so true. And it's kind of like how people have shower thoughts because like you're finally in a state where you can relax, you go into autopilot, so your brain can just wander. Doing anything can also get you in that place. And so it's really special. And having prompts like that to the community really sets it off because you have somewhere to go that your mind can wander and it can be in a direction that's going to benefit you.

Yeah, it's so great that you remember that because I, I keep talking to my community about how when I started my book, that's how I started it, as I was doing these voice notes, but I didn't remember doing it as far back as with you. So that's so funny.

I'm like, I've been so funny and I just remembered it now and I. Maybe what we did with you, I can't remember was. And I would encourage this for anyone is have a notes on your phone or an audio folder, whatever, and just call it the parking lot. And it's your ideas, things that just came to you, and it might not fit into your life at all right now. And you're like, okay, this doesn't make sense. But the things that are important to us, they don't just come once, right? They're always there. And we realize that. And you look in the parking lot and somebody like, oh, I've talked about creating community, like, eight times now. I'm realizing that this is important to me from myself, and that's why having an actual community is so special, because you can actually see your own activity in real time. Of, oh, this is how I've been presenting. This is what I've been telling people. And it's like a mirror that we don't often get.

I would love to know. So what I'm really curious about is you're young, right? Is that okay for you? Sure.

Oh, yeah, no, I'm young.

You're young. And then you were able to just get into these businesses, adapt, figure it out, go into a different, totally different business, adapt, help with books, do podcasts, all these things. And whatever it is, pretty much Lauren is figuring it out. Either you're figuring out how to do it, you're figuring out how to hire someone to do it, or you're doing it yourself. And so there's so much in that that's so interesting to me. And then the way that you're able to just have such deep levels of thinking where it's on a whole nother level? And I'm just kind of curious where that comes from. Is that from the work you did when you were living that prescribed life that you thought you had to live and getting the good grades, and then all of a sudden realizing, wait, I want more. Or is that coming from something else?

That's a great question. I think it would be unrealistic to try to chalk it down to one thing, but what I'll say is there's a lot of moments in my life where I felt frustration that things seemed more difficult for me than the people around me. Whether it's in college and people were going to parties and stuff. I ended up doing two majors and two minors, and then I was working two different jobs. And so in the moment, you feel like it doesn't deserve to be this hard. But then later, I think it comes from uncomfortable experiences that we realize are uncomfortable or they don't have to be. It's just our perception of them. And I think where that comes in, into learning new skills and being okay with that is I generally feel like the people who do well at things are the people who are shamelessly willing to fail quickly and publicly, and doesn't have to be publicly, like you're a public figure, but in front of other people. For example, I have a friend who I. I look up to, and he's. I. I consider him very smart. And he'd never played pool before, and we all went to a billiards place, and he never played before. And by the end of the evening, after a few hours, he was quite good. Better than some of us who'd done it dozens of times. And I was like, why is this? And so there is a truth of learning how to learn and learning how to fail. And a lot of us, we're more afraid of the way our failure looks, and the fear of the appearance of that prevents us from no longer failing. That's what's making us fail, is because we don't want to look bad. But the fear of looking bad is what keeps us looking bad because we never get better. And I think that's one reason why kids are able to take things on so quickly, is because they're just. There's so much less shame around what it looks like to do something well or how quickly they should know it compared to other people. They're okay with the fact that they're having their own experience. And so, yeah, I think the shameless, the faster you can f up, the better. Because then not only does it make us realize that it's not that scary, but that's the quickest way to build the confidence around it, and it makes us pretty resilient. So I would say that's the biggest tool. But I think most of us, in a million ways, are more wired to avoid discomfort. But it's like that phrase where it's like, you can be comfortable or you can grow, but it's impossible to do both at once. And so I think that's very true. And there's a lot of framing that comes involved. So that's probably the biggest part. And I'm still learning. I'm still learning how to fail beautifully or in a better way, but at least the willingness, right? Or, like, the awareness and the acceptance that I'm not gonna be good at things when I start, and that's okay. But I think the way a lot of things look now just in the world is we see so many people being so good at things, especially with the Internet. Right. And we're like, damn. And then we try, and then it's. It's already difficult, and we think we're just naturally worse at it, and it's not something to pursue. But, yeah, we don't see what's behind there. Right. We're not connected with all of the discomfort that's underneath. Yeah.

I think there's so much power in that and understanding that too, and being able to almost celebrate those failures or just. Or when you're feeling like you're being humiliated in a way, just honor that and realize that it's part of the process of you flexing the muscle. Discomfort, like you said.

Yeah. And I. I read something, and this is. I'm still trying to implement this. But the way most of us work, if we let the reward, the dopamine in our brain go off when we've succeeded at something, and so that makes us wired for the wrong outcome or like to value the wrong outcome, but if we can rewire our brains to let that fire and feel satisfaction in doing it and not in the result, or if it goes well, then we have no problem doing things. And then, of course, they end up all doing well. And that's like this beautiful contradiction where, like, when we stop caring about that and start rewarding the doing, we get the thing that we wanted to come out of it without even trying to.

Yeah. I love that you're. You're talking in these terms, because this is really what I've started to uncover is it's really not about the thing. It's about the do part. And that's why these challenges have been really cool in the way that I. The. We just started a start a book challenge this week, and I was really mindful of changing it from write a book to start a book because I didn't want to overwhelm someone with the idea of having to write a book. I just wanted them to be able to come up with the idea of starting a book, and that's just easier for them to muscle versus them thinking, oh, I have to take this all the way to the end. I can. I can actually just start it and just be part of this journey, and if it feels alive for me, I can finish it. And if it doesn't, then I might find something else along the way.

No, exactly. And I think that's so accurate. Most people, the thing we end up clicking with isn't the thing we started with, but the start gets us somewhere. It got Us the stepping stone to get there along the way. And so that's so true. I'd love to hear more about the different prompts and challenges that the community is receiving and how that's rewarding to them or the different ways that those are coming out.

Yeah, it's interesting because everything would do. The thing has sort of just happened. It's moved so fast that I don't even check in with anyone about anything. I just sort of do it. I don't know if that makes sense. I came up with the dating dare challenge last summer. It was when I had Covid and I created it as I'm quarantined, you know, with.

Yeah.

And it just. My daughter made the images and it just happened so fast that I don't even remember why. I had no hesitation. I just really quickly put a post in a group. A hundred people said yes. I'm like, great, I'm gonna max that out at a hundred. And then they did the 17 day dare challenge, which was basically. That one was things like compliment a stranger and volunteer at an event. And someone met someone when she volunteered for the event. So it's like, oh my God, all these things. So those are some examples of prompts there. And then I had experts come that were holistic coach and then someone that's an authentic relating facilitator and an erratic blueprint coach that I had worked with too. And so all these people came on and it was just this really great experience. And then the second challenge I did was bigger. That one had I think 600 people in it. And then that was five weeks. And that one was more organized where I had a company that helped me challenge makers. They helped me organize it and that was great. And then the third one was the find your voice challenge. And then the interesting thing was I was starting a startup podcast challenge. I wasn't gonna do a find your voice challenge. But then what happened was a lot of the community wasn't ready to start the podcast and I knew what it could do for them. So I was like, well, if they're not comfortable starting a podcast, let me just at least get them to record in the phone. And it's so funny cause I didn't remember doing that with you. I only remembered doing it with the book. And then I even did venting voice notes just personally for me. And I was like, I love being able to activate my voice in my phone. And the challenge is the vehicle so they can connect to someone else if they want to by having the challenge. And so, anyway, so I created these dares, and then one of them, for example, is like, what is something you've done recently that you're proud of? And so that's always a fun one, because when do you really think of that for yourself? And then I gave them comfort zone circles. And one was you could record the voice note yourself, or you could record it with a friend, or you could record it with a someone in a shared experience. I had given them examples of how I did it with an Uber driver and a server at a restaurant and a bartender and different people like that. And then. Or you could just talk, go up to a stranger and ask them that question. And I had given them examples of when I went to Europe with my daughter, she recruited me doing some interviews with people in front of the Eiffel Tower and things like that. It was so cool. And so, anyway, so I was, like, showing them all these things that I did, but none of it was not, like, all that stuff that I was just telling you wasn't really on purpose. I didn't know I was going to be using it for the find your voice challenge, but it all sort of circled back together. And then that's the challenge that I think, more than anything, really just catapulted people to another level. And I think the thing that's cool, too, is I realized as I was doing these dating challenges that that's what people were missing was this ability to be full themselves, and they were looking for what they were missing in their partner. And so my goal with these next challenges are to get them to be full themselves so when they meet the partner, they're meeting them at the full level, not at the more depleted level.

Wow. Yeah. I think that's huge because I think about that a lot myself. And I think relationships are. I strongly believe that whatever phase we're at, the person who we choose to spend our life with is one of the most important decisions we can make, if not the most important one. But to do that, it's so important that we reshape our perspective on it. Because a lot of people are asking, and this is true, is you have to put yourself out there and you have to go places. But a lot of people are asking, where can I find this person? Where are they? And instead of asking, how can I be the most aware and authentic version of myself that naturally matches and attracts and aligns with that human out there, as opposed to the searching instead of the looking inside of ourselves and being like, who can I become that this person that I'm looking for is a match for me, and it becomes an effortless experience. And then pairing that with spontaneously allowing yourself to just go out and connect with other people and do challenges, I think is probably the most powerful way to make that happen and to create connections that are built on the information that we are ever getting quiet to feel if our intuition is getting messages from them about, like, who they are. Right. Because people and we. I was talking to you about this, and now I'm remembering is most people, especially if they're dating, the things you guys are talking about. That's why I love asking these random questions every time about, like, if you were alone, they probably haven't been asked that before. And most questions when you're dating on the first date, they've answered all these questions before. Right. So you're not getting their authentic self. They're getting rehearsed, performed, or at least recalled answers that they've probably answered a hundred times minimum in their life already. Right. And so you're getting a habit that they formed. It's like that the Four Agreements. There's a book we both love. And he's like, we're all masters of our identity. You're just getting something they've mastered because they've said it so many times. But when you can ask someone a question or get something from them that they aren't doing consciously, it's their subconscious way of being. We get a lot more, but it's harder to read because it relies on our intuition, our ability to actually perceive what's there. And so I'd love to think of a way just for us right now, for anyone to go out and do challenges and experiences that create environments or situations where we can create that connection or identify that with people.

Yeah, I totally. And it's funny because I kept kind of putting this on, just dating. And it came from me just getting annoyed because I kept seeing people in groups get so annoyed with the dating apps, but then they're still on them. I'm like, if you don't like the app, then get off the app and meet people in another way. And that's when I realized it was just that they didn't know how. Or maybe, like you have said that they haven't flexed the muscle yet of being uncomfortable trying new things kind of thing. But then I interviewed someone just recently. He was part of my comedy show experience that I had done where we went through the class together. And he talked about it in a way of a social challenge. And this kind of goes to what you were just saying. It's like, you don't have to be looking for a partner this way. It could just be you wanting to expand your network or just you wanting to be comfortable going up to new people, or you getting, like you said, more quality kind of connections, value from this person. Because the more you get connected with people, the more that you're going to be able to evolve and grow as well, too.

No, exactly. And it's like we talked about, it's the same process, which is so funny as finding your thing. Right. You may end up in the rough draft. Like, you do a challenge and it's a podcast, and then through the podcast, you find what you end up going to. And it's a little bit off a side road of that. And it's the same thing with people, right? You may go out and have those experiences and connect with someone, and then that person and the person that knows leads you to someone that maybe you connect with in a romantic way. But you don't know that. But it starts from a jumping off point of the action. And it might not be perfect, but it can evolve. Or everything has like, how many zones of separation are you from from a person that you would never expect? It's usually way fewer than we think.

Yeah.

I was talking about this with someone. I think it was actually our mutual friend Chrissy, who's like, yeah, just for fun. I can't remember. She said someone. It was someone who was super famous. And she was like, yeah, just for fun. I wanted to test my network and see, like, I would just pick a random person. It wasn't Gary Vee or someone. It was someone like, that was just like. And I just want to test my network and see how close I could get to them. And she was like, I realized it was one person between us. And so you. You'd always be surprised. But it starts by creating connections with people that. Without expectation. Connection without expectation or assumption of what the nature of it's going to be. And then we never know. And the most beautiful things end up coming out of it. Yeah.

And I mean, this is stuff that I love to incorporate too, at the start a podcast challenge, because that's one of the other big benefits, actually. It almost answers the question you had earlier where, how could we do this with people? And it is starting a podcast, it is the most beautiful way to be able to have really deep, meaningful conversations with someone and to be able to even get connected to people that you may not have met before. And so that's I think what's making me so excited and slightly annoying with people, because I really want people to at least try it. Just like you would ride a roller coaster once. I want you to at least start a podcast once and see if you like it. But that's a great way to really be able to explore what you want out of life is because you're activating your voice, you have a vehicle to be able to connect to another person and have conversations and explore different things.

Yeah. And you're activating your identity and your sense of self. Because a lot of people, I'm guessing, I don't know their first response to the podcast. They're like, yeah, I want to, but I don't have anything to say. I don't know what my thing like. And that's okay. You're connecting with other people. And the people who would be consuming the information are people like you, who resonate with you and who are having a similar journey. And so as someone with a podcast, you don't need to have all the answers. You just need to be asking the questions that they need to hear as well. And I think that's so valuable for people to believe that they can start a podcast. And it's not even about the audience. It's also for them. And so. And that's so important.

It's so true, because that's people's first question is I have to figure out who it's for, and you really don't. Who I thought it was going to be for in the beginning, it's not who my person is now in terms of where I get the most fulfillment from helping. And I didn't really know that until I got started. And even probably by my 40th episode is when I really realized it.

Exactly. Yeah. And that's like most of us, we do it and then it takes its turn, but it starts from just being okay with that and being okay that it'll change.

So where do you think you get your confidence from?

I don't know if I have it. I mean, I guess I do, but I don't think I. I mean, I don't. Yeah. I would think of myself as someone who has self esteem in the sense that, like, I value myself and I value putting myself in experiences and situations that are good for me and good for other people. And so I think it's almost the opposite. Or for me. I feel like my confidence comes from the fact that I don't think I'm better than anyone else, but I also don't Think I'm worse. And so for me, it comes from a personal belief. And this goes just into whatever your personal philosophy is around the universe and spirituality. But when you see other people is not different from you and not separate, not even separate like humans. There's just like different energy. It's taking up different space. Right now it becomes a lot harder to feel nervous because you're like, I'm talking to myself. I'm talking to a different version of me later who's just had different life experiences and different. They're different atoms in a different structure, but we're not that different. And so when we remove separation, I think we remove a lot of the judgment that comes with it and also a lot of the self judgment. Because a lot of times anxiety is judgment of the self because you think other people are judging you or other things like that. And then same thing. A lot of times when we're depressed, it's because we're punishing our past self for living in that version. But I would like to think that confidence comes from there. For me, that's a healthy way to see it because I think all things to the extreme can, can be problematic. And so there's a lot of great content out there about self confidence and self esteem. But a lot of it can be fueled by a little bit of not ego, but a little bit of making others smaller to make ourselves feel better and more confident. But ultimately there's some line and I really appreciated it. It's like however small we're able to see others, it's like how small we see ourselves. And so I, I think the flip side is also true. But they can never be different from, from our view of ourselves. Yeah. And so hopefully that sort of answers it. But yeah, I think confidence is a fascinating thing because it's almost such an umbrella term. That is almost. It doesn't even do the phrase justice for how each person believes and embodies what that means. Right. How would you answer the same question?

For me, I think it comes down to what you were saying earlier, where I know no matter what, I'm going to be okay with whatever I'm. And so whether that means I suck at it for a while or I fail at it, I know I'm going to figure it out. And so I think that's where the confidence comes. Where sometimes if someone maybe looks at me playing a game or something, I might not look confident to them because I'm not going to be good at it. But to me, I know I'm going to be fine. Because, number one, I don't care if people laugh at me when I'm playing, when I'm doing something new and I'm not doing well. And then number two, I know it takes me time to learn. Everything is hard for me to learn, but I always end up it out.

No, I love that you care about other people and obviously their feelings and emotions, but you don't care about their opinions more than you care about yourself and your life experience and your ability to learn. And I think that's huge for so many people, right? Oh, totally.

The other thing I'm really wondering about with you is because a lot of people, and I'm just for the listeners, just to give you. And I've said it a little bit, but just Lauren does things on a massive scale so she can tackle a new company and then can go into a whole nother company and then tackles that from a whole nother way. And so the capacity you have for learning new things is probably beyond most people that have ever existed on the planet. And I'm just curious. A lot of people, when they do something like that, they might go, oh, I don't know how, and then kind of come up with that. Where does that come from? Where you just kind of like, figure it out.

First of all, I appreciate that that's so kind of you. And I just do what I can, but I still feel like I don't know it all. And I. Maybe that's a. A part of it is. There's some actual scientific law about this, is like, the more we learn about something, the less we think we know. And so I try to come into things with a baseline that I've done something similar, but I haven't done this. And so I'm open to the fact that it's not going to be the same. And so I like to think that that keeps my mind open to see ways that it is different. Because a lot of times following a process makes it harder for us to see where this one is different and this one has nuances. So I think that does help a lot. And I also think maybe the like all things, it's a bit of like a flexing of a muscle where when we have to activate different areas of our brain and our. The sides of something, we get better at doing it again and it's less uncomfortable. And so that's why I think learning one skill that seems irrelevant, even something that's completely artistic and fun, like, I don't know if we go to a pottery class it activates the different. What, like the cortexes and stuff, and makes it easier for us to learn new things in a line of work that would benefit us in some way that's more tangible. And so, yeah, it all comes down to, I like to think, doing new things and learning how to learn, because that is probably the biggest skill we can learn. It's not super meta. But the way we learn how to learn in school is not as tactical as the things we'll come across in our lives. Right. I don't know about you, but for me, very little of what I learned in school are things that I apply to my life now. And it happens through experience. Yeah.

So you're tapping into something really important because there's so many people, when they are wanting to do something new, they get stuck. And because they're like, I don't know how to do that. So I don't think you have that in you, where you say, I don't know how. What?

What?

Instead of I don't know, how are you doing? Is it. Is that where the learning to learn is? And you've learned how to learn, so then you know where to go with it? Or is there something else there that is coming to play?

Yeah, I think part of it is being okay with not knowing how, but there is also a tactical part of it, of knowing how to find it.

Right.

And so depending on what we're talking about, that can be knowing who to go to that does know, or knowing how to use the very vast Internet to find how to learn things. And that's probably the biggest one. And that's why it kind of broke my brain when I learned about this, because obviously one of the biggest areas of revenue as a whole, as a category, is information on the Internet, because most things that we pay for that aren't food and electricity we can find on the Internet, but we're paying for however many hours it would take for us to find it ourselves. And so the idea is that the information is there, but being able to find it with the least amount of friction is a huge superpower. And that's where it is a little more, I guess, a little more tactical, where we can learn ways to do things that are smarter, not harder for us. But there's also unique layers there because each person is going to do that differently. And so I know some people, everyone learns differently. And so knowing our own superpowers and weaknesses and how we learn best is huge. Because a lot of us, maybe we think or we're forcing ourselves to get better at something in a certain way. And that's just not the way that's easiest for us. And that's totally okay.

I have another question and I wasn't planning on going here. I feel like as we're talking, I feel like I have to ask you this question because you're the only person that has seen my brain in the way that, that you've seen it. Because I was one thing for 20 years and then all of a sudden I was like, oh my God, I could do anything. And then I went into crazy mode of exploring all these things. This could help me with my, my book too. So I was just curious, what is your interpretation of how, when you see my brain flooding, what that's like for you and how you were able to. You're the only person that was able to manage it in the way you did.

I appreciate that. Yeah, I do believe that a lot of us fall into. I mean there's, we all process ideas differently, but a lot of us do come into two buckets of whether we're visionaries or implementers. And knowing which one it is is going to help us a lot to figure out how to dump the information. You see our visionaries, you have the idea and that's, I mean, I personally think those are a lot of the most special people. But knowing our skill allows us to know where we need the help to, if we're visionaries. And having structure that is still user friendly for us allows us to actually access all those ideas because there's so many and they're so abundant that they just get lost. Right. And then other people are, they're more implementers maybe, I don't know, more logical brains, one way to put it, but that's, you know, that's still not the full picture. And for them it's. They need things to get them thinking and then get them excited about ideas. And then the opposite of people need things to get them to put some structure to it. So knowing which one we are allows us to help make it easier for ourselves. And knowing what state of activity can get us there is interesting because some people we read the things and it's like, oh, do this, do that. But it doesn't get us there and we think, oh, I just can't. But it might be something random for us or for you. For some people it's, it's movement, it's walking. For other people it's in a different activity that they're able to get into the flow state where when you describe, you when you started the first challenge, you didn't think about it, you were just doing it. And that was your flow state, because you are a visionary, but you were able to seamlessly become the implementer and execute it because there was no disconnect between what it made sense for you to do. And so, yeah, when those moments happen, it's so important to make a note to remember them, because that is something special. There's something going on there. Yeah.

I'm actually really glad I asked this question, because one of the things that I'm really, really focusing on in my community right now is people getting to know themselves, because I think that's such an important piece. I don't think people realize that they really need to do because they're so busy walking through the fire of life, going, going, going. And yeah, this is do the thing. Right. But I also say it's also good to be able to take space from it and be able to get to know yourself better. And I think what you just hit on was a really important piece because when you understand what you are, whether it's visionary, implementer, or whatever we're talking about in this context, then you know how to best support yourself in whatever it is that you're doing.

No, exactly. Yeah. It. It all comes down to our relationship with ourselves. Right. And that can come for some of us, it comes through taking the action, and then that gives us the momentum and the motivation to continue. And then for others of us, we need to feel it. And then feeling like we're. We're capable of doing those things can get us to go do it. And ultimately it can be both for both of us, but just one of them. And so some of us, we need to do the thing, and then that makes us feel good about ourselves. For others, it can be a change that happens inside, and then it naturally starts to manifest in how our life is playing out. But I do believe competence creates confidence, but confidence also creates competence. And so the beautiful thing is it's up to us to choose where we want to start or where we feel comfortable starting.

So if someone is helping a visionary integrate their stuff, I just think having structure around that person to help support them would be something that would be the best.

Yeah, I think structure. I think structure helps a lot, but it has to be structured that is comfortable with dealing with lack of structure. Right. And so that could be a person. If you have someone you work with closely that's able to receive that and translate it into something that. That comes out, how they need it or it can be something like creating a structure in your life where something that actually works for you to lay things out in a way that you can come back to later but make it as easy as possible to act on it. So that can be, I don't know, different. There's so many cool things about how we can actually personalize our phones in terms of the screens and everything to actually make it in a way that we can lay out our lives and things like that. Like, I have a friend who, she's very creative in a beautiful way. She hates Google calendar and she hates calendars because she, they're linear and so she's built her own that's in a circle of a 24 hour day. And so it's things like that where it's like, yeah, this is, I need structure, but this structure doesn't work for me. And the thing that works the best is always the thing that you actually use. And same thing with exercise. Guess what? The exercises that makes you lose the sweat, the one that you like doing, because you'll do it. And so it doesn't matter what's most effective, it matters what you'll do the most that works with everything.

Okay, Lauren, so what is the biggest piece of advice for the listeners on doing the thing?

On doing the thing, I did not prepare the answer to this question, by the way, which I actually like. I guess I would say writes onto your thing. I would say when you're presented with the question of what it is to do and you don't know what that is and it's a decision that has to be made, choose the scarier option because that's probably the better one for you. Whatever the safer one is, consider doing the one that's not. And either it'll go amazing or you'll have an amazing growth experience that gives you clarity, but either way I think it'll be the right thing.

Yeah. And you just reminded me of something else. I love how these things are coming up as we're talking, but. So you were the first person that was willing to test my dare me shirt.

Oh my God. Yeah. I'll send another picture wearing it, by the way.

That's awesome. And maybe that's it is it just did. Was it not scary to you to wear a shirt that said dare me? Or how did you just say, okay, yeah, sure, I'll be the one to try it on and see?

Yeah, I guess that just. It was kind of what's the worst that can happen? The worst that can happen is someone Just gives you a dare that you're like, no. If that happens, then I can spin in a good way. I'm like, oh, good. This gave me an opportunity to almost, like, hone my discomfort skills of how to say no in a graceful way or how to brush things off and not be disrupted by anything. And so if the thing that's the worst happens, I could see it going well based on my perspective and the way I choose to interpret it. And then if it goes great and people are just fun and nice, then I've had amazing experiences. So I was just not actually thinking about the worst case scenario, but kind of just putting it out of your mind and realizing that even if the worst thing happens, it's never as bad as we thought it was. And then usually it doesn't happen at all. It's only good things. And so that's why I love the dare we share, because it makes us realize that our biggest fears about the situation are mostly just in our head. Right? Yeah.

I love that idea of either someone could dare you to do something really cool that you wouldn't have done otherwise, or you're getting to flex the muscle of saying, no, it's okay. Thanks for thinking of it.

Both of which are, yeah, that's cool. Your way. Either way, it'll be good for us. Either way, you learn how to give a full body notice or you like or you do something that's out of your comfort zone and it's great.

Yeah, that's cool. Is there anything that I didn't ask you that you wish I did?

Ooh, I like this question. I don't know. I guess I'd love to ask you the question, because now I'm thinking about it since we posted, because I have an answer myself too, is if you were on an island and all your needs were taken so you had food and water you didn't have to spend all day feeling, how would you spend your time?

It's so funny that you that you're asking me that, because as you asked that earlier, I'm like, I wonder what I would say. And it's been in my unconscious mind, percolating. That's so funny.

I can't think. The best thing I can say to answer that is it would remind me that it's really about the people. It would remind me that I don't know if it's about community and connection and I don't know if I want to be alone. Not that I couldn't be. But that's the thing, is we should seek people because they add to our life, not because we feel incomplete without them. But I realized, yeah, I would definitely crave connection and be around other humans, but I think it would be something probably like musical or artistic, but I would definitely miss that. And I would probably look for ways to be of value, which I think is the biggest thing for a lot of humans is we want to be useful, especially the older we get. We want evidence in the outside world that we are useful and that we add value. So. Yeah. But I love the idea of you asking questions on this show that people have hopefully probably never heard before. So they actually have to think on the spot. Right.

Exactly.

For once in their life. How often in a day or in a year do you get asked a question that you've never had to think about before?

Yeah. And it just opens up another level. I noticed that even just with the. What. When I ask people that question, what's something you've done recently that you're proud of? Even though that's kind of an easier question. But it's something that makes them feel good to think about it and they hadn't really thought about it yet, so they're getting to share it. And there's really cool about connecting with people in that way and then asking yourself those questions too, because you get to know yourself better. I'm thinking my answer to your question is. I mean, is not as good as yours. Mine is just me going on a kayak. If there's a kayak there.

But that's something. And then. Then people think, oh, my God, I should go kayaking. Yeah.

Or maybe a little hike or something.

Yeah. No, I'm.

I'm sure my mind will go more because I'm. Now that you've. That's what I love about those questions is then your unconscious mind searches more for a deeper answer as you're. Maybe when I'm walking, I'll record you a voice note and I'll send it.

To you and be like, oh, I know, I know. Yeah.

Oh, my gosh, this has been so much fun. I loved getting to talk to you.

Great. Yeah. I feel like we're just gonna start it.

I know. Will you share with everyone where they can just kind of follow along with you or your social profiles and all that kind of good stuff?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll share links with Stacey and stuff. So I'm not as active and stuff. I am on LinkedIn. My name is Lauren. Last name is Maldwin. It's like Baldwin, but with an M. And you can find me there. I'm semi. I have a Facebook as well. And yeah, I'm also beginning the process of potentially taking your advice and exploring a little bit of being willing to put myself out there on the content side, too. So I may be available there more than ever as well. So we'll see. And I'm looking forward to that.

That's exciting. One last question. So your interpretation. So I know we did this at the party, but I'm going to hear it again if it's different or anything. So what would be your. Because I'm asking people this question now. What would be your interpretation of do the thing?

My interpretation of do the thing is do whatever that thing is that is. It's in your head and you know what it is, but you're telling yourself it could be a lot of different things. It's. It's the thing where if there were two of you and you were sitting across from yourself and you ask what's the thing? You yourself would look at you and you just raise your eyebrows, tilt your head down and be like, you know, the thing. Stop playing. It's. It would be that you give yourself a look and you'd be like, it's the thing. It's the thing that you don't want to do. And it's the thing that if you, you know how, like if you flipped a coin, but like, before you look at what the answer was, do you already know? It's the thing that you're telling yourself with your brain instead of your intuition and your heart. Oh, it could be these things if you stopped thinking about it, you know, it's there.

I like it.

And that would be the thing.

Thank you so much for coming on and to the listeners, thank you for joining and go out there and do the thing.

Do the thing. Thank you, Stacy. Thanks for doing this for everyone. You're adding so much value and I think everybody feels it and it's just beautiful.

Thanks for listening to the do the Thing podcast. We hope you enjoy enjoyed the show, but even more, we hope you'll be inspired to do the Thing. Do you have a burning question on Doing the Thing that you'd like answered? How about an inspiring do the Thing story of your own that you'd like to share? We'd love to hear all about it. Just leave us a voice message at do the Thing callcast co or email us@helloothethingpodcast.com come.