Melissa Benson: Overcoming Fear and Finding Your Voice

I do really believe 100% from every part of me that everyone has the capacity to be able to do the things that they want and not to be held back by the mental baggage that's in our head that we want to push through.

Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. In each episode, we get down and personal with people who go after the things they want to make all their wildest dreams come true. Join us as we unveil and dissect a formula for what it takes to do the thing. Here is your host, Stacy Lauren.

What's up, everybody?

I know.

So fun. Hey, everybody here with my friend Stacy. You guys, so excited for this conversation. It's going to be so good. One of the things I love about Stacy is her authenticity, and that's my jam, too. And so we're just going to have a convo, which I have been finding. Stacy always somehow blesses everybody in the room when we just start getting real. So I'm excited.

Yeah.

I'm gonna have Stacy introduce herself in a second, but if you're just hopping on, I want to tell you today we're really gonna kind of lean into this conversation about how to find and trust and use your unique voice. Because if you're watching right now, did you guys know that you were created to have the same message that somebody else has? I just. I know you agree with me, Stacy. It's like there's a message that's on the inside of us that's unique. Right. And sometimes we try to do it like someone else, and it doesn't. But when we can find out what's the thing that we were wired and created to share with the world, that's when you really, really start to feel unlocked. And so I would just love it. Can you tell people who you are?

Yeah. What a great way to start. Because that's kind of the core of what I'm doing now. Right. Is just really. I mean, because I had that experience myself unlocking inside of me, and now I just love being able to see people unlock it from them. And so, yeah. So my name is Stacy Lauren. I'm the founder of the do the Thing communities, and I help people build online communities. And it started with me wanting to write a book. I was writing a book, and I worked with a book strategist who said I needed to really kind of say my struggle story in the book in order for it to be a good book. And so she's like, when have you ever struggled doing the thing? And I'm like, I've never struggled doing the thing. I was always really brave and courageous in terms of doing things like sales and marketing and starting a business. So that's when I started my podcast. Cause she's like, you need to interview 10 people, find out their struggle story. So that way you're able to put their story in the book instead of my own. And so that's when I started my podcast. Because I'm interviewing people, I'm getting their struggle story, and then as I'm interviewing them, I'm like, wait a minute, I actually do have a struggle story. I always did the thing in different ways, and I'll get into that in a minute. But I never did the thing from my own needs. I always did what I thought people needed or what they wanted, and it never came from inside of me. And so that's where now do the thing sort of meshes with find your voice. Because it's great to do the things we want, but when we can't do the things we want because we want them versus other people wanting them or what we think other people want, then what's the point? And so that's where this just. My mission really got born, is when I realized that connection.

Wow, that's amazing. I totally relate to that because I think when we're trying to do something that we think we or we feel like we should do it or it doesn't feel totally authentic. That, to me, I have discovered, is totally draining. You can only last so long trying to just do something that doesn't feel like it's the thing. And there's always more layers. I want to be clear. I don't think it's that we finally arrive. Right. There's always deeper layers. But it's like when you can finally find some clarity around the message you were meant to share, the thing you're meant to do in this season, I just feel like there's so much more energy, so much more life. It's not hard. You're not clawing your way for it. It's just.

Yeah.

So much more freedom around it. Yeah.

And I loved how you added that in this season because it is so true. Right. What we want today might not be what we wanted six months ago or three months from now, because we evolve and we grow. And that's the piece from my background that I didn't also realize is even though I was doing the thing, and I say that because I did sales, I was in college, I did door to door book sales, I was always comfortable just kind of putting Myself out there with one on one people. I opened a business, but I never wanted to be publicly visible. I was always kind of in my own shadow and I never wanted to stand out. My clothes were really ordinary, very just. I don't know, it was just very, I don't want to say meek, but just not really tapping into who I am. And I'm still kind of not completely there, but I'm getting there where I'm. I'm getting. I'm owning it more. And so what sort of through this transition that I've been going through, it's like I've slowly been more comfortable putting myself out there. Where I started with a private Facebook group, where it got me this safe space where I'm able to really get to know myself, my voice with other people. And it didn't feel as intimidating because the whole world wasn't seeing me. And so I think that's where the growth started with the podcast, then with the Facebook group, and then now it's kind of going a little bit crazier. But it's just a matter of these small steps have really helped it grow.

Yeah. And I know a little bit more about your story than maybe people know right now, but I kind of want to brag on you for a second, but also then talk about kind of where you were even a couple of years ago or a few years ago, because I think that's. People see what's happening now and they get intimidated or something. Like, we, we all do it. I think we're like, oh, okay, great for you. But I can't do that. And so you guys just say who Stacy is. Like the. She is a community builder. And so she has built some really large. And not just that, but incredibly tight, authentic communities around shared goals. And she just recently did a TEDx talk, you guys. Incredible. And she actually at one point owned the largest staffing agency in Southern California. And so she's kind of not telling you all of the things. But what I love about it, Stacy, is that you've even shared some of your. I don't know, is it okay to talk about your first 80 episodes of your podcast? Sure.

Yeah.

Just talk to that. Because. Yeah, and I want to kind of share my story too, because I was looking back at the first time I did your Find the Voice challenge. And anyway, I'll tell you about that in a second. But it's all about just taking the next right step. Because what we don't know is where we're going to be in a year. If we will just do the next step thing and the next thing. And please remind me later to talk about the comfort circles because that is key. I think a lot of times people are like, I gotta just get on a Facebook live. Well, nobody usually starts there, right? There's always a progression. And so. Yeah, yeah.

And I'm so glad you brought us here because I mean it really started with my staffing company. I was there for 20 years. I owned that business with my ex husband and I was the front end. So I'm really the face of the business. Right. He's the back end. He would do the accounting and workers comp stuff. And then I was doing recruiting, sales, operating. And even though I'm the front facing person, I still wouldn't go do speaking stuff or networking events. And so I can't even imagine if I could do what I do now, having owned that company, then what it would be. But I got the best employee to do whatever speaking thing I was asked to do because I was terrified. And the reason I was terrified is because I was afraid people would find me out that I wasn't fit to be the CEO of this business. Which is ridiculous, right? Because I mean I literally grew it from a baby into the world. And so anyway, I had a lot of that imposter syndrome and self doubt about that from the external. And so then it wasn't until probably the middle of COVID maybe in the beginning of COVID a good friend of mine was a consultant at the time because her business was collapsed during it. So she was like, I'm available. And so it was perfect because she came and consulted with me and she's like, you have to do an interview. The world needs to know what's going on with the job market. Everybody is in this frenzy of what are we going to do about all these jobs? And I said no. And I was pouting for a while saying absolutely not, there's no way. And I'm telling her about all my great employees that could be the one that's on the interview. And then finally she's like, Stacy, luckily she's a good friend of mine. She's like, it's got to be you. And so I did an interview with her. It is still public. So it's kind of funny, my eyes are closed the whole time because I'm so just nervous and anxious about even doing it. And then the funny thing is I did a second one and I was like, okay, I'm not doing that again. And so I turned the video off and it's literally me in a PowerPoint. And so. So that was then. And then when I exited that business, I started my podcast maybe a year after, and I just couldn't even have the video on. I just felt more comfortable just having the video off. And I even interviewed some pretty big people with the video off. And so it wasn't until the 80th episode I turned the video on. And then soon after that, I started my community, which, again, that was a private group. And so that also felt really safe. And it wasn't until I then got on YouTube was when I was terrified again. I remember posting it in one of my groups, saying, oh, my gosh, I just got on YouTube. I have wanted to turn it all off. And actually my picture was all over it. I ended up taking all the thumbnails down because I wasn't ready yet. It was too much.

Yeah.

Every phase, it's like you have to kind of re. Get into your zone. And I guess that leads us into the comfort circles, because a lot of people think you need to start at the YouTube, like you said, the Facebook Live or Instagram. You hear that a lot, right? But you really don't. You could start in the most safest, simplest way that will get you just to move, and whatever that is for you, then that's kind of the way it goes.

Yeah, that's beautiful. I've even found that. And, yes, the comfort circles, because, Stacy, what I found. So, hey, if you're listening, you're watching the replay. Whatever. I want to talk to you about this challenge that I did with Stacy. Actually, it was back in February. I looked it up, but this is. I want to give you guys some context to what we're talking about in this incredible challenge that really helps unlock your voice. Stacy shares a strategy called comfort circles. And for me, Stacy, what that did was as an external processor, I was able to start with just typing. I just had to write a post, and what I found was as I would just start typing, all this stuff started coming out that I was like, I didn't even know that was in there. I didn't even know I felt that way. Right. So beautiful. But I love that you create this space where it's not like, hey, if you can already. And, I mean, we do want to push ourselves, but I think that's what I love about what you say is you're like, just go a tiny bit above. It's comfortable. And so it's. Yeah, it's the writing. And then we can tell you more about it after. But I just think that piece is so, so cool. And what it does is it makes it available to anyone. Because I was thinking before we got on, I'm like, who is this really for? And I was like, I can't think of anybody this wouldn't work for because you are just meeting people where they're at. And that I had this thought, Stacey, I'll share with you. I was like, it's the idea that you can come as you are so that you can become. Right. You just come the way you are so that you can become all you were meant to be. And so I just have chills. Yeah.

Yeah, it's so right. Because on one hand, it's for the entrepreneur or the author or the speaker, that podcast podcaster that wants to be visible online, right? Because yeah, it helps people be more confident on camera or even show up as their true self and who they are on the inside, which then attracts everybody to you when you're able to do that and kind of release the show. But then on the other hand, it really helps you tap into who you are and what you want. I love the adding of the. In the season. And I discovered even just this idea that when I was at kind of a really dark moment, it was, I think, after my business exit. Cause I went into this. Well, you can probably one of the only people that can relate to this. I don't know if you went through. It's hard to tell this story about people that haven't had an exit, but it's like you go through this identity crisis, right? Cause you have all this stuff that you're supposed to be doing, and then all of a sudden you're lost and confused. And anyway, there was a lot of stuff there and then mixed in with my divorce from a few years before. And so I was in a really dark place. And so I had a holistic coach. And then I also had a authentic relating person. I had a lot of help, let's put it that way. And I'm in a WhatsApp message thing, and I'm literally leaving these voice messages for her saying what was going on and what I needed help with and what I needed support with through these voice messages. And that was when I'm processing all of these things, right? Just through these voice messages. There was no video. It was just a voice message. And there was one point in there where I was leaving the voice message and I'm like, wait, I don't need to send it. Like, no, I'm actually already feeling Better.

Yes. Right.

And so that's another thing find your voice does is it helps you kind of just get it all out of your head and it gets you to almost self soothe. Right. And there's just something really magical about just that process. And I do it with things like that, where I have a venting voice note in the challenge. If you remember that one. That one, you don't have to share that one one. And then there's also to processing your goals and your dreams, and you have a system to do that. Because people are always asking me how I'm able to do all these big things and all that. And it really comes from being able to access my dreams. Because a lot of times people have all these thoughts and things that are in their head and no one ever hears them. They're just stuck there. And so find your voice. It gives you a tool to access all of these amazing things that you have. So then when they come out, more things can come in. And then all of a sudden that's where the evolvement happens.

That is a hundred percent what I feel like I experienced when I went through it. It really does do that. And what I love is that I was looking back at some of the. And Stacy calls them dares, which I just. I love that language. But I was looking back at some of the dares, which are really questions. They're questions to get you thinking about. What I was going to say is that they're so strategic. And it's not like they're strategic, so, so deep that you need to go for two hours in your. I mean, sometimes you can. But I do love that it's this strategic, deep, but not. I don't know how you explain it, Stacy. You talk about how it takes 10 minutes a day and it really does. But whatever the question is, it's just unlocks something. I guess that's what it is to, like you said, make room for other things.

Yeah. And sometimes I can't remember who said this. I feel like it was Tony Robbins. It's something about the questions that you ask yourself. Right. It's when you ask yourself the right question at the right time. And it does. I want to say it's an explosion, but it's like this unlocking, unleashing that comes out because you can't access something without the question. Just even right now we're talking. You're asking me great questions. It's pulling more things out of me that I'm like, oh, wait, I forgot about that. Yeah, right. We're Only as good as the questions we ask ourselves. I think that's what the quote is. And that helps when someone else asks it, or we could ask it for our own selves. We have this skill that we're able to do. And find your voice helps give kind of that habit, too, in the foundation to be able to do it. Yeah.

That's so awesome. I love that. I want to share something with you that I don't think I've told you about before, about my own. A little piece of my story. But this is so cool, because, Stacy, it was actually 11 years ago, but it is so related to the conversation that we're having today. And 11 years ago in 2013.

Yeah.

I created this Facebook page, Stacy, and it was called 30 Days of Real. And so there might be someone who watches this replay that was back there with me back in the day. And what I did was it was basically a challenge, but that was 11 years ago when Facebook wasn't used in the same way. And it was called 30 days a reel. And every day, I didn't have specific questions, but the whole idea was just put something out there in the world that is authentic to you, and it doesn't matter what it is. The whole point was just about being your authentic self, not caring what the person on the other side of the screen thinks. And I just was thinking about that today, and I'm like, it's just so connected, and I feel like there's so many people who really do want to get what's in here out, but they just don't know how or. I mean, I think we could maybe go in this direction with the conversation that's, like, what does hold people back? Because I think it's either we don't know what we really want to say, or we're feeling stuck, or also we get distracted. I know part of my own story is four years ago, I put in my notes that I wanted to start a community for women on Facebook. Yes. But for some reason, we always think, well, I'll do that other thing first, or, I have to do that other thing right. Or whatever it is, we start to do other things instead of the thing. And so I don't know if you want to address that, but, yeah, it's.

I don't want to say everybody, but how many times do we. Like what I said earlier with the staffing company? It's like we think that someone's gonna find us out with whatever we're doing, right? Yes. And so we're sort of being judged or what are people gonna think? Or do I sound whatever. So many people, when they start, typically are like, I don't like the sound of my voice. And I think the perfectionism, too. There was something I'm actually going to. I haven't announced it, and I don't think I'm allowed to say what company it is, but a company has asked me to do a show on their YouTube channel. So it's going to be once a month. And I'm really excited because I'm going to be able to feature different people. And she was like, do you want to do it live or do you want to do it recorded? I'm like, I've got to do it live, because doing it live is so much better because then you can move faster. It doesn't even give you a chance to monitor yourself. And I think that's what find your voice does too, is it helps you kind of learn how to just go faster without feeling like it matters what any of that stuff means. And so it gets you out of that perfectionism mode or whatever else might be coming up. Self doubt. I mean, there's so many things that come up when we're trying to do something new and put ourselves out there.

Yeah. And what I love just to add to that, specifically with finder voices, what I had done back then was it was just on your public page. But what's even better with find your voice is we're coming into a smaller space. It's a safer space. Right. Where you really can kind of just let go a little bit and share more vulnerably, because everybody is there for the same reason. They all want to just unlock their voice more than when they came in. And I think that is super powerful because everybody on the other side of the camera wants to see you win. They're not watching with judgment. They're like, yes, you hit the like button or yes, you wrote the post.

It's just like, yeah, one.

Which makes all the difference.

Yeah. I mean, that reminds me. It's from one dare to the next, and you could be changed. I remember last challenge, Alex, one of the people that is now. She's got an online community now. But in the very beginning of find your voice, she did one dare, which is basically like a prompt that I'm giving you. And she wasn't on camera. It was just her voice, and she was basically saying how terrified she was to be on camera. And then the second video, there she is. And it's like it was just such a huge, just drastic Change from one to the next. And it's not just because of the dares. It's what you said. It's also because you're doing it in a small, intimate group with people who have the same goal. And so you all of a sudden feel safer to practice whatever you're doing. Right. And so that's what's really amazing about it also.

Yeah, for sure. Well, I would love to just maybe. Is anything on your heart that you want to share or. I would love to share how this connects to what I've already been doing. And I. I think that's why I'm so passionate about it, Stacy, because even the content and the copy on your website is like, yes, yes, yes, yes. Because this is already where I feel like the women that I've been talking to, they have a need for this. And it just aligns with what I'm already doing. But anyway, is there anything else that you're kind of thinking right now that you. What?

I'm just so happy that we've met. I just feel like what you said just so aligned in what it is. And I would just say if you're looking to get more confident, get out of your comfort zone, really learn more about yourself and meet new friends, then I would invite you to join the experience because it's just such a beautiful way to not only connect with yourself, but connect with other people, too.

Totally. 100%, yeah. And I don't even think we shared that. This is actually 17 days long. I'm not sure if we shared that. 17 days. What's cool about it is all the info I love that Stacy does is it goes right to your email inbox, so you're not having to hop on and watch a live every day or something like that, which is totally. There's space. And that stuff is really good. But I love about this. It's just like, hey, here's your dare. It go straight to your inbox. Takes about 10 minutes a day, and it starts on September 23rd. And again, you guys just listening. I've done it myself, and I do feel like it was instrumental in almost. Maybe the snowball had just started, but it's just like it made it do this. And let me read to you really fast, because I went back, Stacy, to my first post that I did for Finding Voice last time with her. Yeah, it said, I wrote about myself, I'm Melissa, blah, blah, blah. And I said, I'm here because I know that in order to level up, I have to continue to develop and use My voice and video. I have been doing uncomfortable things on purpose these last few months and my expectation is high. The time really is now. I'm excited to journey with you all these next couple weeks. Wow. I love just thought that was so special to read back on February of this year.

That's amazing. That's huge. Right? That's everything right there and look what you've done since then, which is amazing.

Yeah, it's just the growth and again it's just one thing after the other. So it's cool. So yeah, so if you guys want to hop in, the best way to do it is to go to Melissa Benson co. That's going to lead you right to a unique link that I want to share with you guys because if you use that link, what I want to do is invite you into my own personal community too, which has just been so, so rich. Like earlier today, Stacy, we were on a zoom and we were all just praying together and ajarae was on there and we were just sharing with each other and it was just like when you really do get in the room with people that are like minded, it just is a game changer. And so anyway, use that link and I'll. I want to have you in my community as well. But yeah, Melissa Benson co. You guys might have heard, but I am having my first in person immersive event here in Phoenix, Arizona next month. The dates are October 20th through the 22nd. And what is so, so cool is that I've created this roadmap for us and Find you'd voice is really the first piece. It's just the way that it leads into what we're already doing and what the event is going to be about is just perfect. And so you don't have to be coming to the event in order to do find your voice. But if you're considering the event, I want you to hop into it too because I just feel like when we show up in Phoenix together, we're already going to be a new person showing up to that event and so yeah, this stands on its own. So event aside, I think people need to get in regardless.

I want to mention too, it's kind of cool because for the people that end up going to the event and doing find your voice, you're already going to know each other. It's going to feel like it's a reunion. So you're not only going to know more about yourself, get the clarity, get the confidence, get the comfort zone. Yeah, you're going to know each other deeply and so when you meet each other in person, it's going to just be a whole nother level of excitement.

100. I love that. I didn't even think about that piece, but that is so true. It's like when we see each other in the room for the first time, you're like, I totally already know you. I mean, we've met, but I mean, yeah, that's awesome. Yay. Okay. Thank you so much.

Yeah, thanks for having me. This was fun. Thank you.

I've always loved talking to you. So anyway, thank you so much. And yeah, we'll see all of you and find your voice. Yay.

All right, thank you.

Bye.

Thanks for listening to the do the Thing podcast. We hope you enjoyed the show. But even more, we hope you'll be inspired to do the Thing. Do you have a burning question on Doing the Thing that you'd like answered? How about an inspiring do the Thing story of your own that you'd like to share? We'd love to hear all about it. Just leave us a voice message at do the Thing callcast co or email us@helloothethingpodcast.com.