Nick Gray: Two Hours, Cocktails, And Icebreakers Are Pieces Of The Secret Formula For Expanding Your Network, According To This High-Achiever

I do really believe 100% from every part of me that everyone has the capacity to be able to do the things that they want and not to be held back by the mental baggage that's in our head that we want to push through.

Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. In each episode, we get down and personal with people who go after the things they want to make all their wildest dreams come true. Join us as we unveil and dissect a formula for what it takes to do the thing. Here is your host, Stacy Lauren.

Hey everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacy Lauren. So, all right, guys, well, this is going to be fun. I have a guest on today that you guys are going to be so excited to get to learn from because he has the secret 4. One of the steps of the do the Thing formula is surrounding yourself around like minded people. And he can show you exactly how to curate that piece of the formula in your life and how to do it simply and effectively. And the way that he describes it, it's so amazing and it's so cool when you're able to just get introduced to someone through someone else and then you buy the book and you can just email the person that wrote it and then here we are, we're able to talk about it. So that whole concept of how this even interview came to is super exciting. And it's all about that minded people concept. So here we go. Hey, Nick.

Hey, how's it going? Greetings. Good.

I'm so excited to get a chance to talk to you because I just finished your book, the Two Hour Cocktail Party, and it's the most unbelievable, perfectly timed book.

Thank you. I can't wait to hear what you're thinking about and to talk to your listeners.

Yeah, why don't you start off and tell everyone what got you motivated to write this book and what it's about.

So the book is about trying to help people make new friends and teaching people how to host an easy, well run event at home which you can use to build big relationships with small parties. I use that phrase, cocktail party. Well, I think it's just helpful to think, to start. For anybody listening to this, they, you know, your listeners want to improve their lives. They want to challenge themselves, they want to meet new people, maybe they want new friends. And I want everybody to think, how could your life be different if you had a full social calendar, if people were always inviting you to stuff, if you had a group of friends that encouraged and inspired you and maybe you Already have that. But for most people, as we get older, it's harder to make new friends. And I think I figured it out. I figured out the secret formula. It's just host a cocktail party.

I love everything about it because you're taking charge of creating the community in your area and where you are. And I think it's so cool to have the opportunity to bring people together, even that you might not even know very well, but you're just kind of curious about. And it's such a great way to create that space, to have that invitation be open as you're creating these regular parties.

Heck yes. That's like the biggest thing if you want to do something, if you want to be friends with new people, if you want to reach up to have successful new relationships, do something great. Start it out by adding value. And I think the easiest way to do that is to host a party.

Yeah. And it's funny. So I have a couple good friends of mine that they live in an entrepreneur house and it's. I don't know if you've heard of anything like this, but it's a co living house and each of them are entrepreneurs and they each have their own room and they get like a private chef that comes every day. They have weekly masterminds. It's the coolest thing that you could honestly ever witness seeing them in their house. They sort of adopted me during COVID which was great. But they have these monthly wine nights and they do some sort of icebreaker sometimes too, or bring a book. And it's always been really cool just to kind of see how this house has been the thing that's been creating this amazing community of people. And I know I've always thought like, wow, that'd be so cool to do something like that. But I don't have like all these people living with me and so I wasn't sure how to even start something. And that's what I really like about your book is you're making it so simple for just anyone, wherever they live, in an apartment, in a house, in a condo, to be able to do this.

Yeah. I love the idea of an entrepreneur house. I more love the idea of a private chef coming to help me every day. I love that idea.

I know.

I think what you're getting at is the idea of surrounding yourself with other people who are super inspiring and awesome and amazing. And I found that by hosting cocktail parties for me because I wasn't always outgoing or confident. I didn't have a lot of friends, but I figured that the formula was if I was going to these networking events that weren't good, instead I would bring the party to me by hosting my own party.

Yeah. So how did you go from being not outgoing? And I know in the book you mentioned you're introverted, so how did you overcome that to be able to even do this in the first place?

There was a lot of trial and error. How did I go through that? I think I did my birthday party first and I hosted it in a non traditional way. And I started with the concept of a core group. So I talk about that. In my book, your core group is your friends or neighbors or your colleagues, the people that you've known the longest, who you feel safe and comfortable. And when you host a cocktail party, you really want to start by inviting those first five people. You're looking to get five yeses from your core group, and then you can expand to a wider circle.

Yeah. So to use do the thing language, you're basically flexing the muscle by inviting people that you know first, getting your kind of practicing through that whole process first, and then you're getting to extend it out as you get more comfortable doing the thing.

Yes. Oh, I like that. Flexing the muscle.

I think that's really smart. And so then it's interesting because I'm introverted also, so. And I've always tried now, and I never tried to put myself in situations to get me to be extroverted. I would shy away from it and now I'm going towards it. And so in the past, though, even with my company, we would do meetings and I was always get like someone who was the best speaker to do the spe, to do the speeches, so I didn't have to. So how do you.

That's smart. That's smart. You're delegating duties.

It's smart. But then it really limited me with being comfortable. So now I'm really trying to put myself into situations. Obviously this podcast is helping, but. But. Yeah, but how did you even. And we'll go through kind of the steps in a minute. But just even the point when you have to introduce the party and you're at the party and you're kind of going through the icebreakers and the different things that we'll talk in this interview, how did you get yourself to overcome that introvertedness, to be able to speak to people in a group?

Great questions. The number one thing that most people are afraid of when they host their first party, what would you guess that it is? You're hosting a party you've never hosted before.

Just that people wouldn't like it.

That people wouldn't like it. Right. That, that they might come and they wouldn't have a good time and then they think worse of you. Maybe. I also hear from a lot of people, that's a good one. That they're worried that nobody will show up. That they're worried, not a problem for you, turbo connector. But for a lot of people, that is something that they worry about. That they nobody's going to show up. Or even worse, only three people show up and then it's awkward. And now my big party and there's only three people there. Right. And so for a lot of the people that I talk to and that I coach on hosting their first party because I'm obsessed with writing this book and helping 500 people to host their first party. And I love hearing from everybody that reads my book and says, like, I set my date, I'm hosting my first party. And I talk to them and their fear is that nobody will show up. And so generally by, by making sure that people show up, it almost guarantees a successful party because you do all the planning ahead of time. So to answer your question, how did I move beyond that? Well, I worked ahead of time to make sure that everybody would show up, that they'd all be bought into my format and formula with name tags and icebreakers. And by planning ahead, that helped to make it easier. Does that make sense?

Totally. Totally. Is this a good time to talk about the formula? How did you actually do that? How did you make sure everyone showed up?

Oh, yeah, sure. So if you think about the party formula, what is this book from Nick Ray about? It is called the Two Hour Cocktail Party. Here's an easy way to know exactly what this formula is. It's simple. Just think about my name. N, I, C, K. Nick Party formula. N stands for name tags. I stands for icebreakers, C stands for cocktails only. Do not make this a dinner party. And then K stands for kick em out at the end. It's only a two hour party.

That is great. I love the acronyms. How did you even come up with that idea? Did you have that in the beginning or was it as you were creating the book? That is.

You know what, it's so funny. It came afterwards as I was getting ready to finalize the manuscript and I was brainstorming with my friend Clay because Clay wanted me to rename the book and we were thinking about other book titles and Clay helped me come up with it pretty good.

It's funny because I don't know if you know, do the thing has a formula too. And I'm literally working through what the pieces of the formula are now.

What's the formula? Tell it to me.

Yeah, I'm. That's what I'm working on. I have like a lot of it in my head in terms of accountability, which you're doing, where you're having people email you the date when they're going to host the party mindset. So that's another piece of finding your why. And you kind of went through your why, which I love that helping 500 people host their, their first party and surrounding yourself with like minded people. And so. And there's a few more pieces I'm kind of digesting. But I was looking, I'm looking at it right now trying to figure out, oh, how can I make this an acronym to make it easy now?

How do people then do the thing? How do they surround themselves with like minded people? What's the current thing?

So this is something I've been exploring and I'm glad you asked. It's funny, I've been exploring this idea because I'm trying to figure out even for myself how have I met really extraordinary people that have been able to kind of expand my thinking and help me grow. And one of the ways that I've done it is through going to retreats. Like I'll go to like a fitness camp or a retreat and you have to go away for a week and they're usually a bunch of money and they're great. I've gotten a lot of. I just actually tracked back the one that I went into Colorado last year. I, I met Genesis, who actually is. She did an episode, she's on erotic. She teaches erotic blueprints. So that's something for another day. But she helped with my do the Thing Dating dare challenge. I learned authentic relating and I met a few other people there that I'm still connected to and I can talk all day about that. But that's what I liked about this book because it's such an easy way. Someone doesn't normally have the money or the time to go a week out of your, your current environment to do that. And what you're doing with these parties is eventually once they flex the muscle enough where they are comfortable, like meeting the guy at the gym and saying, hey, I'm doing at a party, would you like to come? Or the. Maybe your dry cleaner, whoever it is that you're meeting just randomly. An easy way to expand your Network. And that's the other thing I was thinking of what I liked so much about this concept. Because you're basically able to bring whoever you want wherever you meet together, even without knowing them very well. And then you're able to see who are are in your same like minded thinking.

I like that you mentioned that. Because inviting someone to a party is a gift that you get to give someone. And you can host a party for under a hundred dollars. It doesn't have to be expensive. And it's a way for you to create almost like your own little mini masterminds.

That's true. That's a good point. That is really good point. So, yeah, so I'm going to go ahead and tell everybody how we actually even got connected. So it's funny, I had listened to podcasts and this is kind of cool when you get to track how these things happen. I love this, that idea of just you don't have to always know exactly where something's going to go. It just sort of can happen naturally, which is why it's important to do one thing in a direction of what you want and then sort of things fall into place. But anyway, I listened to this podcast episode that Catherine from The Best Self Company was on. It was on Ryan Moran's he's with capitalism.com on his podcast. And she did an amazing job just kind of telling her story and different things that she does. And I bought her dating cards because they just sounded so cool. And it's that same concept of a.

Oh, the best self dating cards.

Yes, the best. Yes, they're amazing. And I bought those. I'd been using them with my boyfriend. It really literally changed the trajectory of our relationship where we can have deeper conversations. And I loved that. And then fast forward. I recently launched the do the Thing Dating dare challenge, which is basically getting people outside of their comfort zone, getting them off of the dating apps, getting them to meet people in real life. And I did a beta test with about a hundred people. It went really well. I've been doing exit interviews. I did give Katherine's dating cards away through the challenge. And I realized I'm like, I need to interview her for my podcast. So then when I do the next dating challenge, it's scheduled for October, at least they can hear more about her story. And then I actually, you know what's probably good is why don't I just share her little excerpt where she told me about you on this episode. Okay, I'm gonna play it really quick. I think it should like half of.

The stuff that I do these days is like connecting dots of like, oh, this person's having this problem and I know this person that solved it. They should talk. You can become a connector. So, like, think of the dating challenge. Yes, it's a dating challenge, but also could just be like, connector challenge. So if you are in a relationship and you're like, I still want to do this, you could just have it be becoming a connector for people. And then once you connect two people and that's a good experience for them, they'll entire review. And that's like. A friend of mine wrote a book recently. It's called two hour cocktail party.

Oh.

And it's all about this. And actually I. I met him and he invited me to a cocktail party. I literally barely knew him. I knew I didn't know anyone that was going to be at this party, but I went and it was honestly like one of the best parties I'd ever been to. And I still talk to people I met from that night years ago. And this is New York, where everyone's so busy. And so becoming a connector can mean so much, not just for your personal life, but for your work life. Creating communities if you are feeling like you're in a community of people, not. Not much like you. So when I was at school and I had my ebay business, I didn't tell any of my.

Yeah. So how cool is that?

Wow. We're getting to hear the real behind the scenes. Yeah.

It was amazing when she said that because what was crazy about this, and that's why I kind of joke about you're kind of this universe magic thing for me right now, because I literally thinking about creating a dating in the box idea for this challenge. And I actually had. I'm working. Was working with someone on creating good questions to sort of invite people in. And then I had that interview with her. And then I immediately stopped all of that because I'm like, oh, Nick already has a book for that. And then we could just kind of talk and go through how to. To do it for the dating challenge. But it was. It was so cool. The timing of it all was with literally within the same week that I thought of giving them the idea for the staircase.

Wow.

Own event. And then lo and behold, she mentions you and here you are. So anyway, it's kind of interesting.

How cool is that? What a small world. With the do the thing challenge. Do they ramp up to it? Do they start with little challenges and then it sort of culminates?

Yeah, they do it's a five week challenge and I'm still trying to work through you might just be. It might be a bonus dare because I did the last challenge. I did a dare, which was starting your own podcast. No one took me up on that dare.

Oh, that's a big dare.

It's too big. Yeah, it was too big. But so this I think is, is definitely smaller. And then the way that you describe it, I think that's the thing that I love so much about the way that you've, you've lined out everything in the book is you're like this way is like if, if someone has a question for you and it's complicated, you're like, don't do that.

Yes.

I love that idea of keeping it simple because then why would you ever want to do that thing again if it's too complicated? And I like how you keep mentioning that, even the way. So anyway, so I thought that really cool. But yeah, to answer your question, I think it might be a bonus dare, but I'm not exactly sure how it's going to be. But that's why I thought if we talked about it, then it'll kind of get them warmed up to the idea of being able to do it. Because I think the way you describe it is really easy where even if they're just inviting people they know from the gym or from their kids, school or whoever it is, like you said, their core or five group people, at least they're using those muscles to create it and then they can do something else down the road.

It's so funny because what you're doing for your listeners and your community is these challenges. And isn't it funny how we probably know I'm this way with the gym? I will knock. If I have to do the gym by myself, I know I need to go to the gym. If I have to do it by myself, I will think of every excuse not to go to the gym. I will clean my apartment, I will do anything but go to the gym. And yet if I go to a group class or if I hire a trainer, there's a sense of accountability.

Totally right.

And like, similarly, what you're doing for your community is you're helping them, you're holding them accountable, you're setting a plan. And it's so funny how much these little things can make massive improvements in our lives.

Yeah, it's true. And it's funny. I'm even worse than that with the gym. I have a peloton and I a lot of times won't even go on it unless my virtual person, who lives in Colorado, I'm in San Diego, she's in Colorado, and I won't even go on it if she's not riding. So that's how bad I am with that guy. I really need the accountability, and I think that's what motivated me to do these challenges is because I know how the power of that community and what it can do. I think there are some people that can do it themselves and get motivated, but for the people that really do like the support, I think it's really, really helpful.

That's really cool. Wait, so you won't do a class unless your instructor is on it?

No, not my instructor. No, my friend. It's like, just. We talk on the tech, on the. On our phones while we're riding Peloton.

I need this. I need a virtual Peloton buddy. Dang.

Do you have one? Because I'm like, I could be your friend.

No, I need one. I have. You know what I have? I have such a small apartment where I live here in Austin, and I built, like, a poor person's Peloton. I just bought a cheap sort of exercise bike, and then I watch and I do them on my phone.

Oh, yeah, that's what my friend does. Yeah, that's perfect.

We have different classes available to us, so.

Oh, gotcha.

Down here in the pedestrian world of not. But I love the Peloton. I think it's great.

Oh, cool. We'll have to share our usernames then. And I'll be your buddy.

Yes, please add me. I'm@nickgraynews. That's me on Instagram, too. There you go.

Oh, perfect. Okay, good. So, yeah. So what would you think as far as being able to do this for the do the Thing dating dare challenge? Should they approach. Approach it the same way that they would your normal people, or would there be a specific way that you think would be good for this group of people? And picture everyone's in different. They're all in different cities all across the country. I don't think there's anyone out of the country yet.

Well, here's what I would do. Here's what I would do.

Oh, and one more thing. And the original group, they came from Peloton, so just the original group.

Wait, are you kidding me?

I'm totally not. Like, they're, like, just people that I was in a singles group for peloton over 40, and then they pretty much. I posted it in the group, said, hey, who wants to do this? I'M going to do it. And then that's where the hundred people came from. Was from. They're all peloton writers. I don't know if the next one will be exactly all peloton yet, but I might open it up to others. But just so you know, that's kind of. I actually think that connection is really funny too.

How many people are in the group?

Well, so the first one I had 100, but I capped it. The second one it could be 500.

Where do you get these people from? This is insane. 500 people. Wow. Do you have like a huge audience?

That's what I'm putting out. There is 500. Because I didn't even promote the first one and I got 100. I just posted something in a group.

And even a hundred is incredible. This is. Where are these. Who are these people? They're incredible. Here's my thought. Here's my thought on what to do. So is the whole program five weeks? Is that how long it is?

It is.

And what was the challenge before you thought about? Oh, cocktail bar. What was the challenge it was going to finish in?

So a friend of mine, she was in the group and she did this on her own. I don't remember if it was inspired from a dare or if it was just something she did, but this is from the do the thing dating dare challenge. Because people got inspired to do things out of their comfort zone. New things breaking the insanity of just swiping left, swiping right. So this is what she posted basically on Tinder. And she put last minute boating trip, Are you in Friday? And then she gave the dates and the details. She said, single girls and guys. So if we don't hit it off, maybe you will with one of my girlfriends. And then she said, me in 30 seconds. Business owner, always an optimist, loves wake surfing and travel. And she goes through some more stuff and she's, let's start with a quick phone or video chat. And basically that was her curating her own singles event. And then that gave me the idea where actually I did this. Not singles, but my daughter and I, we did that. We hosted this thing at the park where they have this like festival with like music playing. And I just created a flyer and invited a bunch of people. You know, a lot of times when, before you started doing this, like you have a group of friends, but you invite that group of friends, you would send a bunch of other people. So anyway, I gave the, I sent the flyer out to a bunch of all these different, like my mom friends, my business owner friends. And then they all came and it was fun. It was just. I wasn't even anything at my house. It was just a thing. And that gave me the idea of like, wow, that would be kind of cool if they could just curate their own event. But if it was a singles event, that would be even cooler. I actually even. I explored this idea with someone because I was thinking I was even gonna change up speed dating. And I was like, oh, I could do a do the thing dating experience. And instead of speed dating, once I found your book, I lost interest in that because I'm like, it's already existing. I don't need to go crazy with doing that while I already have something else big that I'm working on. So anyway, that's my life.

Dating is so hard too. And mostly with dating events. Maybe you know this because I've hosted a lot of events. Dating events. The sad real of hosting a singles event is that no matter how well your event is, you can have the best food, snacks, invitations, logistics, incredible venue. You'll only be judged on one thing, and that's the quality of the attendees.

Yeah.

And so you as an event organizer and a planner can do everything to make it a success. And then you have people not show up or people not good candidates, and everybody hates your event. So I've stayed away from singles events. But somebody did tell me the secret for a singles event. They said, if you're gonna throw a singles party, do it, invite your single friends. But the secret is never call it a singles party. Oh, invite people. You can low key, tell them that it's singles. You'd be like, oh, by the way, you know, I'm only invited by single friends. But you would never use that phrase publicly or in the RSV page. You just gets a cocktail party.

Yeah. So is that how you think you approach it? Is you just. Just do this the same. They're going to actually curate their own event? Are they going to just do it the same way that anyone else would? Reading your book?

So is it with the intention of. For dating?

It's so it's great that I love that. I love your questions because it's. Yeah, that's the ultimate goal. Would be great for them to meet someone. But if I'm thinking about it, even what Catherine was saying and like what you've been saying is it doesn't have to be just for dating. It's just expanding your network, which then can lead into dating huge.

This hosting parties, by the way, is like the Best thing ever. If you want to find a partner, imagine the difference between, okay, you're at Starbucks, you're at the grocery store, you're at Target and you see an attractive person and you're like, I want this person in my life. And how are you going to go make that connection? Well, one way is to go up to them, very forward. Hey, what's up? You look cool. I want to talk to you. What's your deal? I'd love to get your number. Can we go on a date? So that's fine, but the reality is 98% of people will never do that. Even if they think think they will. They actually never will. One that is a little bit easier to do is to say, hey, you look cool. I'm trying to meet new people in town. My friends and I are hosting a cocktail party. Can I send you the information? And that phrase, I'd like to invite you to a party. Can I send you the information? What an easy way. That's non confrontational, that's low stakes, that doesn't ask a lot of this person. What an easy way to get their information. So this really is, it's the secret hack to meeting new people. And what a more. Can you think of a more attractive way for somebody to see you than hosting in your own home with your friends in this power position as the host, the leader. It's just, it really sets you up for success.

That's incredible. I love that idea. And it even reminds me of the last challenge. One of the dares was to volunteer for a, like some kind of event. And so just to get them out because. Right, I'm trying to get people off the couch and the dating app, essentially. And so she ended up dressing. She talks about this in her interview because I did an exit interview with her, but she dressed up in all this. She went to a Renaissance Renaissance fair and did a, like, did one of the roles there and was dressed up in all the cool stuff and then invited one of the guys that she had been interested in on Facebook, someone that she knew through, through that community. And, and then they started dating after that because he saw her in a different light. Where people want to see people that are engaged and involved and where are you more full of energy than in your home around people that you like. So I, I just, there's so much that I like about this.

I like that. I have an idea. I have an idea. Can I tell you my idea?

I love it. Yes, please.

So in five weeks you're working with these people Some stuff. And they're going to have a goal. And I don't exactly know how to play this into a five week plan, because my book, it takes three weeks from the date that you choose to accept the challenge until the day. Your party should be about three weeks. And you need that time for what I call the party Runway, so that you can create your event, you can invite people. And we really give ourselves that three weeks to guarantee one, that there's schedule availability. Because when you give your friends more time and notice, then they're more available and they'll actually show up. And number two is some people don't know offhand, oh, my God, how am I going to get 15 people to come to my party? To get 15, I have to invite like 20, 25, 30. I don't even know that many. Well, you'll be shocked when you have three weeks of time. You will be shocked how quickly you'll fill up those first seven or eight. And then you're going through your life. You're meeting people at yoga, at the store, whatever. You build up your confidence. Suddenly they're inviting everybody and their brother that they meet. Oh, my God, slow down, overachiever. Maximum of 20 people for a first party. But what I was thinking was it would be neat for you and I to work together to have. How do you manage your group now? Do you have a WhatsApp group? Facebook group?

What's that?

It's in a Facebook group. It'd be neat for you to have a separate sort of overachievers group. And maybe they could pay you a little bit more to facilitate it or if it's a free thing, however you want to do it. But then I could pop in and I could help give advice and coaching to those that want to accept the challenge at the end of chapter one of my book. And all they have to accept is just pick a date. Just pick a date. A Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday night, three weeks in the future. And you and I will help them make sure everything happens after that. But that's the first step, is to choose a date. And then everything follows. And then three weeks later, they'll all be having this party. And they'll be having them on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday night. They'll be sharing their various stuff. I just heard from this woman last night. Her name's Tatiana. She heard me speak at a Tony Robbins eventually. And Tatiana hosted her third event last night. It was, it was like wine Wednesdays for her girlfriends. It was her third party, so. And she said it was the Best one that she's hosted yet. It was the absolute best one. And I really do think that hosting a party can change somebody's life. For dating, for professional, to boost your career. And the secret is it's not that hard. It's not rocket science to host a good event.

I like that. I like that a lot. Yeah, I'm definitely gonna take you up on that. I'll just. We'll kind of talk logistics on the back end. But that. That seems really. That would be really good and right in line with what we're doing with, which is. It's kind of the thing that I'm saying with this dating dare challenge. It's not even so much a dating challenge as it is. It's comfort zone. It's getting outside of your comfort zone. Someone else from the challenge. I did an exit interview with her. She became so motivated on just stepping out of her comfort zone. Now she's writing erotica books. And I was like, that is so cool.

That's pretty cool. It is so cool.

That's neat. Just that it inspired her to do something new. Because, I mean that we're all stuck in this. Not all, but a lot of people are stuck in this box. The more that you can get out of the box and maybe have no box, that's what we're all here for, is to have this unbelievable life.

I like that. I like that idea to break us out of the comfort zone.

I realized a couple things that I also really liked, and I guess the other things that I loved is you're so creative with some of the pieces of the formula, with the bios of the guests. I've never seen anyone do that before. I just thought maybe you could talk a little bit about that too.

Oh, my God. This is the secret weapon to hosting a great party. And it's so easy to do. I call it guest bios. And you write a brief little blurb about who's coming to your party. So, for example, Tatiana lives in Seattle. She has two kids and a little dog. Ask her about her marketing company or Catherine runs best self. She just got married. She has a new baby. Ask her about cold plunges. You do these little blurbs about people to give people conversational access points at the party and to get excited to attend, to give power to introverts and to shy people, because that really helps them. Having a little bit of structure at your party helps give people the framework to be successful.

I love that wording. Conversational access points. That's so good. What do you Do I struggle with this when I'm talking to someone at a party and I don't feel like I can leave them, I feel bad to leave the conversation because I know the goal of this is to meet a bunch of different people, not to just be talking to one person. How do you get out of that kind of scenario of speaking to somebody?

Because you're done. You feel like you're done, you're ready to talk to somebody new, just to be able to.

I'm picturing you putting these. These events together and you're wanting to get to know a lot of different people. Or does it matter? Are you open to just kind of hanging out with the same person?

Absolutely not. No, no, no. So the purpose of hosting this party is to talk to as many people as you can, to have short little conversations. And then if you want to make friends with somebody, you'll follow up, you'll swap info, and you'll be friends. So how do we mix up the conversations at the party? How do we make it easy for our guests to do the same? Well, that's the I in the Nick party formula. That's Icebreakers. Icebreakers not only help you start new conversations, but they help you end conversations. I think what you're saying is, have you ever been at a party and you feel trapped, you're stuck, you can't stop talking to somebody. You're like, all right, I'm kind of done. But I don't want to be rude. So what do I do? Well, at a party, with the two hour cocktail party, the host will make little announcements three times during the party, gives you a nice exit to end the conversation. So the host might make a little sound and say, hey, everybody, in five minutes, we're going to do another round of Icebreakers. So grab a drink or a refill if you want want, and we'll see you in a minute. And that's a little excuse like, oh, I guess we're doing something. I'm gonna go grab a drink. Okay. Or, hey, everybody, let's circle up. We're gonna do a new round of Icebreakers. Now, the average new host is afraid to do Icebreakers because they look around the room, they see everybody what they think are talking and having fun. And the new host says, oh, gosh, I don't wanna interrupt everybody. Everybody's having so much fun. I don't wanna stop my party. Well, here's the thing. Thing. The best conversations will reform the best conversations. After you break up, the group will reconnect and they will Find each other again. So don't worry about it. Quit making a big deal about it. Lead your party with a sense of generous authority. And when you lead with that authority, with that sense of leadership, people will see you and respect you 20 times more. What do you think about that?

Oh, my gosh. So there's so much that is so exciting about this. I want to talk about the Icebreakers more, but I want to first. First say, when you're talking about this, leading with authority, imagine what that does in your life. And this is. Now I'm talking do the thing language. Like, by you being able to now lead this party, who knows? Let's say you. You work at a job now, you're comfortable going for a promotion, or you're comfortable quitting your job and starting a business, something new. It's. Once you do one thing in one area and you're expanding your. You're expanding your skill set, you're going to feel comfortable doing all these other things that are new because you've just triggered this whole other side of you that you didn't even know existed.

Amen. Amen. I hear about this from people, by the way. They're like, I hosted two of your parties, and now I went out to another party, and it was a little boring, so I. So I took it over and I led an icebreaker, and I said, oh, my God. That was. How'd it go? They're like, it was incredible. The host was like, I guess you're in charge now. And that happens.

Right?

We often go into these social situations where people are.

They.

They're kind of like, oh, I don't want to do name tags. Oh, I don't want to do Icebreakers. They're the cool host, and they're a little too cool to care. And that's actually not good, especially post lockdowns, post social anxiety. People want a little bit of structure. They want a little bit of structure to be more successful at social gatherings. And when you do that, it's incredible.

Yeah, I love that. And the other thing I really is when you're talking. We'll talk about this now, hopefully, but is when you're talking about the icebreakers. I've tried icebreaker. I wouldn't say tried. I've done Icebreakers at different parties before reading this book, and I've gone for the whole, like, what are your biggest dreams? You know?

Oh, God.

And I love how you explain that, and I'd love you to explain it to the listeners, because the way that you've done It. It's so strategic and it's so brilliant because it really warms everyone up.

I think about icebreakers like scaffolding, and there's green, yellow, red levels of icebreakers. You want to use a beginner icebreaker at the beginning of your party when not everybody has rapport built up and the room's a little stiff. And you want an icebreaker that's quick, fast, and easy, where there's no judgment. And the one that I like the most that I tell everybody to use is say your name, say what you do for work, and say one of your favorite things to eat for breakfast. Now why is that good? Everybody chooses to eat or not to eat breakfast. They did it recently, probably a few hours ago. There's no judgment about what you eat for breakfast. And it generally has a happy memory or idea. We think about childhood, we think about fun stuff. And so that is a good, easy beginner round of icebreakers. And then as your party goes on, you can choose more advanced icebreakers, maybe like the ones that you're talking about if the room has rapport and trust and vulnerability. But in general, the next favorite icebreaker that I like to use is what's one of the best pieces of media that you've consumed recently? It could be a movie, a TV show on Netflix that you binge watched. It could be a book you read, an article in a magazine, a TikTok that made you laugh, or a YouTube video. Just what's a piece of media that you consume recently that you really like and recommend?

And when you do the Thing episode with Nick and Stacy talking about the two hour cocktail party or the do.

The Thing episode with Nick and Stacy. Exactly right. Because why do I like this one? Because the whole room comes out of it feeling smarter. That icebreaker adds value to the room by not only expressing people and they get to share a little bit about themselves, but everybody gets good ideas that they get to take away from it. So I like that icebreaker bigger.

That is so good, because it's. And I think you mentioned this in the book, too. It's hard to access what is your favorite book or whatever those things are. And you're making it easier for people to answer the question. So then they're not sitting there thinking, what am I going to say? What am I going to say the whole time? You're really creating that space for them to be able to listen to what everyone else is saying.

Right. It's true.

It's so good. So very cool. Well, I'd love you to share too. I didn't even get to ask you because I got so excited. I jumped right in. More about you what you your story.

A little bit about me. My story I'll do. I'll say briefly. I started the My last company, I think I was most famous for was this thing called Museum Hack. We did renegade museum tours at some of the biggest, best museums in the whole world. We started out at the Metropolitan Museum of Art and I was a tour guide myself. I started out, I've never taken an art history class, but I do these tours for fun, for free, for my friends. And then it turned into a multimillion dollar company. So that's a little bit about my history. But now that the number one number that I have the metric for what I'm doing now is how many people can I convince to host a party for their friends, neighbors or colleagues? Because I launched my last business, Museum Hack. I launched it with all the support of all these people that I literally had invited to my parties. I used my parties to build up a network of acquaintances, what some people call loose ties or weak connections. But they're, you know, they're friends or acquaintances, whatever. And I met all these people by hosting parties and then I launched my business with their help, right? Because they'd come to one of my parties. I kind of feel like they owe you a favor or they just know that you're going to produce a good experience. And so that really helped me. And now, now that's what I want to share with other people.

Well, I am so excited to be able to dive into this and inspire people to be able to do this, this at in their community. Because I think it really is that concept of taking responsibility for the things you can control and we can create our own community and curate our own things, especially having a simple formula to be able to do the thing. If you had one piece of advice for people on how to do the thing, what would it be?

I think that offhand, the first thing that I thought was find an accountability partner. Find a group group like your do the thing group, where you can be surrounded with minded individuals, where you can have a friend group that's constantly trying to improve themselves. I think that's the best thing because what's that phrase, right? If you want to go fast, do it by yourself. If you want to go far, do it with others. And the idea of working with others is just so huge and helpful. So I think that's my best advice. Yeah, of course. Do it easy. What's the easiest possible way. As we think about my book, my book is really mvp, the minimum viable party. So I think a lot about that, how to make it easy. But I think having a friend group, having a support group and accountability people, that's what really helps.

Well, and where do you think you find your accountability group?

Obviously in the do the Thing Facebook group or apparently on Peloton.

And hosting your two hour cocktail party?

Yes, by hosting your two hour cocktail.

Party and if you can share just where they can find out about your book, learn about you. And I saw something. Do you have a forum or something or is there a group that you're doing for people on her?

I'm hopefully going to be doing it with you. So if you want to join the group, then follow up for the do the Thing challenge and maybe we'll have a super do the Thing challenge. You can buy my book on Audible, which is where you listen to it, right? I'm going to ask you to write a review for me because I need any review that I can get on Audible. I'm almost to 25. You can buy my book on Amazon, you can buy it on Barnes and Noble, on Apple Books, anywhere books are sold online. And I love the paperback version of it, which I'm holding in my hands here because it really makes it real and it makes it feel like a workbook. So I'd encourage you to check either of those out and then find me on social media. Please say hello to me. I'm ickgreynews. If I don't say hello immediately, I miss your message, so just add a comment or something. But I love social media. I post a lot on Twitter and Instagram. So say hello.

Awesome. Thank you so much for coming on, Nick. I appreciate it.

Thanks for having me.

Thanks for listening to the do the Thing podcast. We hope you enjoyed the show, but even more, we hope you'll be inspired to do the Thing. Do you have a burning question on Doing the Thing that you'd like answered? How about an inspiring do the Thing story of your own that you'd like to share? We'd love to hear all about it. Just leave us a voice message at do the thing.callcast co or email us at hello, do the thing podcast dot com.