Scott Glenn: But Why? This Do The Thing Dating Dare Challenge Alum Wants You To Self-Reflect Before Swiping Left

I do really believe 100% from every part of me that everyone has the capacity to be able to do the things that they want and not to be held back by the mental baggage that's in our head that we want to push through.

Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. In each episode, we get down and personal with people who go after the things they want to make all their wildest dreams come true. Join us as we unveil and dissect a formula for what it takes to do the thing. Here is your host, Stacy Lauren.

Hey, everyone. Welcome to the do the Thing podcast. This is your host, Stacy Lauren.

So.

All right, guys, this is exciting. We have a repeat visitor. I asked Scott Glenn to come back on. He was the one that did the 75 hard challenge and. And completed that, which is a something that I was really fascinated with for a while. And because of his interview with me, I actually am in the middle of it now, and I'm on. What day am I on? I'm on day 24. And I would not have, honestly, I don't think, had I not interviewed him and had his interview to help me. I think I've listened to it now four times. I don't think I would have even started it. So that's why I really like being able to interview people that have completed certain things, because you're able to understand how to frame it and how to get into that perspective of what it took for that person to complete whatever that challenge was. So anyway, I brought him back because we had originally got connected when I started doing the do the Thing Dating dare challenge. And I know when we talked on his interview, he was going to be traveling for most of it and actually wasn't even sure how much he was going to be able to participate. But he did participate some, and I thought it would be really great to be able to bring him back on and have him share his experience. So. Hey, Scott.

Hi, Stacy.

Welcome back.

Thank you.

I'd love to start off and just talk about the challenge and number one, why you decided to. To do it in the first place.

I thought it was just something where it was. It sounded interesting. And I think, you know, last time we talked, I had. Was just finishing the 75 card program. And so the whole idea of trying new things and. And learning about yourself always fascinates me. So I thought, yeah, we'll give it. Why not? Why not give it a shot? And I also had. I encouraged a number of people who were part of it to join for the same reasons why not why wouldn't you try something new? And if it really is painful and you can't do it, then. Then ask yourself why? Like what. What happened to me that would not allow me to do this? Yeah.

So just opening your mind up to the possibility, trying something new and seeing where it leads you.

Yes.

Well, I hope you don't mind. I have a little excerpt from our last conversation, and I had said we'd follow up on it when, after the challenge. Do you mind if I play it really quick?

Sure.

Okay, cool. Let's see if it. If we can hear it.

So I talk to people. I'm at conferences up on the stage, and I've had employees who say, aren't you nervous? I was like, no, I feel very comfortable. But then like, in a social setting like that, like walking up to a stranger and starting a dialogue is terrifying. I couldn't tell you why. I can tell you it's very irrational. But.

So that's a common thing that I heard through the challenge where a lot of people had that same sort of feeling. And I loved being able to hear you express it in that way because when we talked, I think it was like a day or two before I was starting the challenge. So it kind of put me in that mindset of, here are all these high achieving, successful people that can go up to anyone in a business setting, but when it comes to a social setting, it's really challenging. And I was just wondering, like, how that, how that part worked for you in terms of the challenge.

So I think I really, I thought about, why don't I approach people and what is it? I kind of put things into. I kind of put it into two buckets. It helped a lot. Is, you know, one is. Sometimes it's just mentally exhausting and I don't want to. I actually was on the phone with a friend last night and we were talking about. It's a friend who also is in, who's in front of crowds a lot, who is often seen as the person who brings groups together, who's very social. And we were talking about how mentally exhausting that can be when that's really not. When deep down inside it's not your personality when you're introverted. And both of us are introverts. And people always say, no, you're not. And the answer is, yes, we are. It's just we. We know that we have to be outside of our comfort zone when we're working. And. But it can be mentally exhausting. And so I think there are times where I may see somebody who looks interesting. And I just. My brain is saying, not today. We're tired. We just. We just don't want to talk. And then other days I feel like I'll see somebody and my attitude is they don't want to be bothered or that would be weird. And I. And so that was what I worked on overcoming when I truly was feeling, why am I not approaching this person? And it was because you're going to be weird or because they're just. They don't want you to talk to them. I pushed that, that thought aside and said, no, just talk to and. But if. If I really felt I'm just not in the mood today, then I wasn't. I realized I wasn't in the mood today. And I. And I did find a few examples where maybe feel good, but where I talked to somebody who you could see. I just. They probably were looking for some interaction and romantic or not just having another person engage them seemed to make them smile and feel good. And so I had to remind myself that, you know, sometimes you think that it's awkward to approach a stranger, but sometimes the strangers really appreciate that and they're looking for somebody to interact with.

Yeah, isn't it great when you kind of take it off yourself and you think about the other person and what it might mean to them too? It sort of helps it become easier, I think.

Yeah. And you just never know. You know, you could be making. You could have somebody who had a horrible day and just as a simple conversation can just spark their day. So that was something that I think this challenge helped me think about and put in perspective. But I will admit there were still days where I actually just went to a concert two weeks ago, and I was joking with some friends. They said because I went by myself, I actually was supposed to go with a friend who stood me up. So I was by myself and I had friends texted me and they said, well, that's kind of lonely. I'm like, no, I've got a whole group of older women who seem to be making eye contact. And they said, well, go for it. I said, yeah, no, it's not. I'm not in the mood today. I checked in with my inner self and my inner self has said, just stand here, listen to the music. We don't want. We're not ready for this. We've had a long week and we just want to have a relaxing by ourselves.

So I am looking at some of the posts you did in the group during the challenge, and one was where you complimented a stranger and then you gave her your number and then you said you hanging out with her next week. So how did that. How did that go?

It. Unfortunately, life got in the way. I had just a bunch of things come up between work, and I think that was right around when I found out my house was selling. But I got from the inspection, the people who were buying the house wanted a few things done. And I just was completely overwhelmed and I just couldn't make it was. It was. I was going to be taking a trip out west. I just could not do it. So didn't get to meet. We talked a lot, we texted and a lot. And. But nothing ever came of it. And I ended up meeting somebody else. And so, yeah, but it was. Again, it was interesting because it was a person that I didn't know at all. And I was just. I wasn't like, trying to pick her up. I was just actually, okay, I'm just going to make someone's day. And this was a person never had seen before. And I just sent her text and saying, hey, we're supposed to compliment. Because it was someone part of the do the do the thing challenge that I said, we're supposed to compliment a stranger. You're a stranger. I don't know you. You have an incredible smile. And then she. She started chat. She acknowledged. And then we chatted. And yeah, it was so it was nice, but unfortunately that was as far as it went.

And I think that's kind of what I was looking for, was not having a specific outcome in mind, but just you using the muscle to just even reach out to someone you wouldn't have reached out to before without having the challenge, something like the challenge in place. So that way when you want to go talk to someone else, like, you've already used that muscle, the other person from the dare. So I think that's kind of the point, right, that I like, as I keep going through dissecting the exit, the finishing of the. The challenge in itself, it's. It's not so much there being an outcome of the specific event, it's really just you using the muscle to talk to people. Well, so what. In the parts of the challenge that you were able to participate in, what do you think was your favorite part of it?

I don't know. I guess that was probably the nicest thing. So at the very least, I made a new friend now, right? So I think that that was probably my favorite part, the fact that I just. You said to do something. I did it, and I made it, at the very least, I made a new friend. So.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then what do you think would you say was your biggest accomplishment from the challenge in itself?

I. I think just in general, the ability to force myself to step back and just think about different things. You know, we talked about offline you and I talked about, you know, if you, if you're friends, how do you transition from being to being friends to dating and without, without fracturing, potentially fracturing a relationship. And it was things like that that maybe I didn't have the answer to, but at least I thought we don't always think about. We don't really give a lot of thought to relationships. At least I don't. And why we do things the way we do. And so I think just the challenge made me think about if I want to meet people offline, what's stopping me. And it may be just do a lot of self reflection. As I said, there's some things that I realize are just who I am and well, they just won't change and other things that I just maybe assumptions that I make. And I tell you, for what it's worth, the fascinating thing about the challenge for me was reading it was we just the nature of our PSG group. We have many, many, many, like what, 80 to 90% are female. And then in the challenge, it was a high number. And I like that you were forcing the women out of their comfort zones. And the reason I say that is it's a, it's a pet peeve of mine that I, if I go on and you go on dating profiles, there's so many women that say I'm just, I'm not interested in a guy who plays games. And my female friends will say the same thing. I'm just not interested in a guy who plays games. You'll. I've never. I've yet to hear a single guy go, I just wish I want to find a nice woman who doesn't play games. It's the women who say that. And the women are the biggest game players there are. And I. And I've challenged my female friends with this. And, and it's no, we're not. Yes, here's every single game. Every single game you can acknowledge has one thing in common. It has rules. And they're very stringent rules. And when I listen to you talk about dating, you have rules. You are playing games. You are not honest. You are not open. You are not forthcoming. You are playing games. The man must. It's called the man must. That's the man must. You're playing that game? Yeah.

Do you mean, like, we're literally. We're coining that right now? The man must game. Do you mean, like, oh, I'm not going to call him back for two days, or I'm not answering his text for four hours? Like, is that what you mean? Or is there something else there?

Oh, it's all. It's. It's. The man must text me every morning. The man must call me every night. The man must plan the days. The man must do this on the date. The man must. It's just, like, goes on and on. Why can't you just have somebody that you go, hey, I like you, you like me. Let's just be ourselves and let's not have these rules. And, yeah, that's. I think about that. Like. Like, a lot of the group members who know each other are comfortable with each other, yet I bet you half the group members would not swipe on each other because of some of their rules. Oh, you wore this in your profile picture. Oh, you said this. It's. There's games. See, there's rules. And so I like the fact that the challenge with all the women in the group, it was forcing the women to do things that actually, I think fewer women would do naturally than men. I think most of my male friends have no problem approaching strangers. I don't, because. I don't know. Just. I realize, like, I don't sometimes because I don't want to, and then other times, I. I'm feeling like, oh, I'm bothering that person. And I learned to put that aside. But I think a lot of women don't approach people because they say, that's not part of the rules. The man must approach me. So. So by the challenge, you were. You were basically saying, would you throw the damn rule book out the window? Because you're kill. You're hurting yourself. And I can tell you, Stacy, I know a number of quality women out there who would be great catches if they threw those rule books away.

I think it's so helpful. And that's kind of one of the things I was deciding on this next challenge if I was going to have guys in it or just have it be just for women. But it sounds like it's actually good to have both, because, I mean, just from hearing your feedback, I feel like this is going to help people understand that we each have our own part. And you said this on the last episode when we talked about the challenge. What part are you able to control? Right. So if you like Someone you don't need to wait X amount of hours to. To text someone back or if they're wearing a collared shirt. You don't like guys with colored shirts that you can't approach them. It's opening up your mind to whatever. Whatever is out there and taking control of what you can control.

Yeah, no, exactly. It's. It's getting rid of the whole preconceived idea that if someone does this, this must be true. Stop it. It's just get to know somebody and then, then figure out. Start with the do we. Is there an attraction? And then work your way from there. Forget about I don't know. I. It is a pet peeve of mine because I read these posts. Those are the ones that make me pound my head where someone will say, well, I. The guy didn't text me. And my answer is always, did you text him? Well, that's not what we do. Well, you're playing games. Stop playing games. You don't want a guy who plays games. You're playing games. Text the guy. Believe it or not, men are, I think sometimes a society. We. We focus so much on the differences of men and women that we forget to look at the similarities. And the reality is, as humans, we all, we all want to feel appreciated. We all want, we all love when we know someone else is thinking about us. And so if you're somebody who says, I don't initiate a new conversation. Okay, does that mean the person's not worthy of that. That feeling that comes with someone's thinking about me? They have to think about you. You have to be the center of the universe. Like if you step back and think about that, it's like, really? But we see that, like, I see that so often where, well, you know, the guy didn't do this or the guy or someone posted the other day, I had a great date with a guy and he paid for everything. Should I text him and say thank you? It's like, why are you asking for permission? This is dumb. Just, yes, you should. Yes, you should. Absolutely. Why, why would you. Like, like, what the heck? Like, why would you be seeking strangers approvals to do what just is a natural. It's just manners, I think, to be honest with you.

And it's funny what you're making. It's coming to my mind as you're talking is my boyfriend. And this kind of. When we first met, where there was that first three days where neither of us knew what we were doing kind of a thing, and then finally it just came out. We're like, we're just gonna play it. We feel it. Because this is ridiculous, having that same sort of mindset to play it. You feel it. And not going. No, not going according to any kind of supposed rules, because those rules aren't doing anyone a favor.

No. And it's. It's also, I think then it. It drives a behavior of. Again, if you didn't get it right, you're out. And so somebody said the other day, they said, I've been dating somebody for a couple months, and I'm ready to break it off because he's just way too needy. How do I tell him he's way too needy? And I said, you're making it sound. That's a character flaw. It's not. There's no. It's. It's basically you're misaligned on the relation, the expectations of the relationship, and you're not capable of communicating that. So it's kind of you, not him. And we got to a private debate and I said, here's the deal. Maybe he thinks you want to talk every night. Maybe he thinks you want to be together every day. So he's doing that because that's what he. Maybe his last relationship, he got accused of not doing that. And so now he's doing this. And rather than saying he's needy, maybe you should say, hey, can I give you my expectations? My expectations are I really don't have seven days a week I would like to see you. If we could plan it out in advance, but probably only going to be a couple days a week. And then as far as talking, I've got so much on my plate that I don't know that I want to talk every single. I mean, just be honest because maybe it's very fixable. But saying that the person who over communicates and who wants to be with you daily is having a character flaw is. No, it's not a character flaw. It's just. Is that person being honest about what they want now you need to be honest with what you want. And if he can't adjust, if you're misaligned, then you're misaligned. And there's nobody's. It's not anyone's fault. I just think about that. Like, why can't you just have a conversation? Like, why can't you just talk about how many relationships do we end because we don't know how to talk? Or again, because someone broke a rule.

And it's so true. And if you kind of go back to the. Do the Thing, language, it all is a muscle that you're practicing. So if you haven't done this before, then you should maybe start with a small thing. Practice using that muscle of being honest about how you feel or setting a boundary or whichever way it is going. And then the more you do it, the more comfortable you'll be at doing it.

I think one of the challenges I would. That would be interesting. I just, my head just having this conversation is for people to write down. Write all your red flags or the things that the other person must do. What do you expect from the other person? And. And write it all out and then cross it all off, you know, or actually, I did this. I loved doing this. I did this with my sons when they were younger. And periodically we would do it and I would have them force rank things. So I remember one point, they wanted. They wanted to be involved in football and baseball and soccer and scouts and they were going to church. They had, you know, religious classes, and then they wanted to do art class and they wanted to learn instruments. And it was, it got to a point where I was looking, going, this is just, wait, this is overwhelming for, for me as a parent. As a child, you're asking for stuff, but if I give it all to you, it's going to be overwhelming for you. So force rank. If you go do one thing, what is it? And I made each of them do it. And I remember them telling me they were getting. They were old enough to understand, and they said it was a weekend. I remember telling them in the morning to do it. And they said. I said, just be in your room. Each of you do it on your own because I don't want you looking at the other person's. And then when you've gotten that list down, bring it to me. And I didn't see them for hours. And I, I thought, okay, they just blew it off. And each. I peeked at each of the rooms and they were heads down and they. Later they said it was like the toughest thing. Oh, we can only do one thing. What is it? And if we can only do two things, what's the second? Well, if you have people for. Strike the rules and say, okay, maybe there's one or two rules you can keep everything else you got to throw out. That to me is. It's a. I, I don't know. I think it's kind of. It'd be kind of interesting to see. Maybe it helps people understand that they have way too many rules in dating.

I love this. And you're kind of Making me think. I want to do a virtual bonfire on the first day of the challenge and have everyone write out their red flags and then pick the one that they're going to keep and then throw the rest in the fire.

I think that's great. That would be because again, it's. I got like the things I always hear. I even. I even did. I remember it actually 75 hard made me think about it. And then I had some experiences that really made me open up. I always. I always said I would never date somebody who didn't drink. And now it's actually, if I have to pick between somebody who doesn't drink and someone who drinks a lot, I'll probably pick the person who doesn't drink. It was just a dumb rule that I had. But I would look at. I would look at dating profiles. And I admit it was so admit. I said, I think women play a lot of games guys can do to it. And so I. That was a game. There's a rule. If you didn't. If I looked at your profile and it was one of the dating sites where it listed whether you drank or not, if you said no, I skipped over you. And now I think, well, that's dumb. That was really dumb. Like, maybe I missed out on some good people. So I would think the same thing. That would be example, where is that? Why is that so important?

Yeah. And so how do you think when you got to see the women in the group and where you were saying how that was cool to be able to see them where they're not playing games or they're stepping out of their comfort zone, like, what do you think you saw that helped kind of explore that more?

I think it was things approach somebody approach a stranger. Because a lot of women would say, no, the man must approach me. The man must pursue that. There's. There's. That there's. The man must be the one who's pursuing. And you kind of had some challenges that said, no. You go straight a conversation up with a stranger. That's not. That's very. I think to me it's, It's. It's. You dolphin. You often don't see women doing that. And so that just that challenge by itself because. And knowing some of the people in the group, I know that that was not like they were. There were. There are people in the group who would have had a rule against that. I don't do that. So, yeah, you. You're basically saying, throw that rule out the window. Go approach somebody to have a conversation.

And Then do you have any thoughts on a dare that would kind of get them out of like, besides that red flag exercise? Because I love that that would get them to just throw the rule book out or just to. To help be effective for the next challenge?

I would think maybe it's. It. It depends on like where they're at. So if you have somebody who's. Who've met. Maybe they met somebody, then I would like. One of the challenges could be. Be the opposite of what you play the opposite role of what you. If you're somebody who has a traditional men must do this woman must do this flip the role.

And then what about you mentioned self reflection. What do you think would be some good self reflection through this challenge?

I think just writing the rules down and really getting it out there of most like, why did you not pursue this person? Why did you never, you know, or if they're on, if they're using the apps, just going through and as they're swiping left on somebody, why, you know, asking that question, why. Why am I swiping left on this person? It's one of the things. I don't know if you pay attention. I joke. Me and a few other guys joke about it. And the guys who joke about it all know each other. And I think we're all coming from the same place. So we'll. We'll use the 6:3 every once in a 6:3 joke every once in a while. Oh, he's not 6:3. And it's half joking but half serious. Because we. Part of where I was saying we're serious is we'll hear women say men are so shallow. And we laugh because we're like, oh, my God, you gotta be kidding me. Women are just as shallow. And that whole 63 rule. Like, we all have been through something where women wanted a guy who was taller. And even if we were taller than them to begin with, they wanted that tall guy. And I could tell you, my brother's six six, and he'll nod and yeah, dating's never been a challenge for me. At six six, he's even, he's even joked where he's like, I'm six' six and I've been 100 pounds overweight, and it's never been a problem. You've been in shape your whole life. He's like, I imagine it's easier for me to get a date than you. Like, yep, yep. At six' six, Absolutely. But so it's like, why aren't so if you're not swiping right. Why are you swiping left? And ask yourself that. Is it because I can see sometimes you read something in a profile that is you see all the time about, oh, I'm married, but we're in an open relationship. That's a valid reason to swipe left. I don't think people need to come out of their comfort zones to be in a. No, that's okay, swipe left. But, but why else are you swiping left? I think that's a good exercise. Like why. If you're on an app or get on the apps and ask yourself, why did I swipe left today?

Oh my gosh, this is so good, Scott. Because I'm working now and one of the things I'm working on is a business that it's called Values Match. And I'm still not sure how it's connected to all the stuff I'm doing, but it's going to be for companies hiring employees and it's like a pre employment test to identify their values to make sure they match with the companies. That was one of the things with my staffing business. I noticed a lot people needed and one of the things I had come up with was why did your last six employees not work out? What was it about them that you, that caused you to fire them? Basically, and I feel like you're basically saying the same thing with dating, which is number one, it could be Frontline is why are you not interested in this person? How come you're not? What you said, the swipe left, swipe right thing. And then also even looking at relationships, why have the last four relationships and that's some inner work that you could do. I hadn't even thought about that.

Yeah, no, I think, I think that's, I think that's good. I think looking at it from both angles, you know, why did I break up with this person? Even if it wasn't a. I went out three or four times with this person and then I ended it. Why? Even if it wasn't a relationship, why did you not get the next date? And then again, yeah, you're. If you're on an app, why did you ask yourself, you say, why did I swipe? Laugh. I think it's, I think it's a good opportunity to reflect and because like I said, I think some of it is around those artificial rules.

So good. So do you have any thoughts on the next challenge in terms of what do you think would be better? Was there any, any advice that you have for what could make it even better?

No, I think those things were like, to me would be a good way of more self reflection. I think if you maybe before being forced out of your comfort zone, that self, self reflect and then how do I change the behavior? So maybe the challenge is, you know, after you, after you've written down, have each person post. These are all the rules. I didn't, I think saying it out loud. I didn't post or I didn't swipe on this person because to me that's where I think it's. And then posting it and having to talk about it and have hearing what other people say. So I think there's some universal things. Another one that the guys we like to joke about is the fish picture. I never date a man because there's some things a guy said, again, a person saying on the site, oh, I'm married, but my wife's okay with it. 95% of women are going to go, I'm not okay with. I mean the people who are going, ooh, I'm going to swipe right. It's isolated, but the fish picture is a good example. The fish picture is probably 50. 50. But there's people who think that is such a deal breaker. And it's, it's funny. But why? What is that saying that's so evil that they're holding a fish? They're saying they like to be outside and they're outdoorsy. They, they enjoy that. What's. What's so bad about, like what. What does someone holding a fish tell you about their character and the makeup of the human being that you would make you say, I could never be with that person. That's so crazy when you think about it.

Even just love those, those two words. But why? Almost like that should be a week. A week. I have a thought where I'm eventually thinking of doing like a journal or something that every week they're practicing skills, whether it's saying no, saying yes, you know, doing something out of your comfort zone.

And I'm.

But why is like the best thing, any kind of broad statement that you make about something but why? And then you're getting to explore that idea more.

Yeah, I think that, I think that's a great challenge. It's diving into those but why? And then maybe try, like you could almost say a challenge could be for the people who would always swipe left on a guy holding a fish, find one and swipe right and go on a date and then determine how stupid was I? Was it? Was I, was I good or bad? Because it's not. I think about this. I, I had somebody recently and I lost a lot of respect for the person because we, you know, there's certain things that, again, if I, if I. There's certain values to me, inherent values, that I am somebody who does believe that where we're at politically as a country, we're divided. And I know there's certain types of people based on their political beliefs, which are now social beliefs that I could never be with. And some of that stems from having sons who are mixed race. Some of that stems from having very close gay friends. Some of it stems from a school shooting that happened where I live, where I know one of the kids who got killed. You know, there are certain social values that I hold true, that if someone said I'm opposite, I would say that's the deal breaker. And I don't care what you. You can tell me to reflect all you want, but it's a deal breaker. I had somebody who I was very attracted to who, when the Supreme Court overturned Roe versus Wade, said, oh, thank God the Supreme Court did that. And I went, okay, we're not, you know, we're not going to date. We're good. Our thoughts are different. And I don't have to be political, but I do believe that. So to me, this person was somebody who probably would say, why wouldn't date a guy holding a fish? Well, why not? But she mentioned she's. We share a lot of the same values. And she said, learn maybe, maybe to meet the right guy, I have to, I have to compromise some of those values. And I thought, that's pathetic. That's pathetic. And it's like, would you tell your children that? Would you tell your daughters when they get older you're going off to college? One of the things I want you to remember is to meet the right man, you may have to compromise your values. Would you say that? Like, I would never say that to my. If I, I don't have daughters. But if I had daughters, I certainly wouldn't say that, nor my sons, I would. I, I know my sons and how they're. They're very liberal in their views. If they came home and said, well, I'm still liberal, dad, but I'm dating somebody who has opposite views just because I don't want to be lonely, challenge them and say, what are you doing? No, you should be. It's. Why are you compromising on such strong something so important? So to me, I don't know. Just. I know I'm rambling a bit, but it's if you're, if you're somebody who would give in on core values that you really strongly feel about just to meet the right person, maybe you should consider a whole bunch of other things first.

Yeah, this is exactly. I mean, this is what I'm working on right now. So it's just funny that you should bring it up because just like I'm doing one for the company, I'm like, oh, I really want to work on helping people identify their personal values, whether it's starting a business or a family or in a relationship or finding a job, whatever it is. I think that everything we do comes down to our values and being able to be aligned with. With that. So I think, I think you're really speaking to what I'm really been focused on. So it's just interesting that you should bring it up.

Yeah. And I think it's. You can't make assumptions about people just without asking people flat. Like, I, if I go back to the whole fishing thing, like, I actually love to fish, I don't have any pictures of myself fishing, but if I did, if I could, if somebody draw the conclusion, he's. He must be, I don't know, maybe he, you know, he likes to fish, so therefore he likes to hunt. So therefore he has a big gun collection. He's somebody who's not against better gun control. It was like that. That would be a stretch because, yeah, I, you know, grew up hunting and fishing and I do think people, I'm okay with people having guns to go hunt. I'm not have good with no gun controls, automatic assault rifles, no mental health checks. Yeah, there's a lot. So. So it's like if that's what you're doing, you're wrong. If you're like trying to draw an alignment between a picture and what their may or may not be, you're kind of, you're kind of wrong. So that could be something. I mean, again, to me, that could be part of it. If you say, why. Why am I swiping left on a guy with a picture of a fish? Is it because I'm drawing these conclusions? I would, I would flip it and say, would you want someone to do that to you? Would you want somebody who, a stranger doesn't know you to judge you based on just one picture?

Yeah, I love that. Oh, here's my other question on that. Because we, we brought up the apps a few times, I was thinking of this next challenge having like them do an app det. Just because I did see a lot of people Were still burning energy on the app and I really want to encourage them to do more of the in wild. In the wild dating. Just wondering what you think about that.

I think it depends on. I would agree but I would say it is a challenge based on, you know, where you live. That's a good one because there are people, There are a lot. There are people in the group I know who are in places where it's like, how could you not meet people but others, it's more difficult. Even I have, I have a good friend in Vegas. I was always, I always tease her like it'd be so easy to meet people. And she's yeah, if I want to meet married men, she's like, we're a tourist town. She's like, when I go out, I want to meet locals. She's. That's a lot harder than you think. She's like, it's easy to meet a random stranger if that's all I really wanted, if I wanted a one nighter or if I wanted, you know. But if I really want to meet a relationship, meeting somebody in the wild is actually more challenging because majority of people don't live here. And so you're somewhat limited. And so a situation like that is where, well, maybe the apps are a little bit better, I think. I don't know. I hear all this bad talk about the apps. I honestly, my hypothesis is that it's because people are just super selective and they're super selective about the wrong things. They don't take chances and go, here's somebody who don't see any red flags. Why not? Why not? Let's, let's give it a shot. Worst case, I go and have dinner and I don't like it or I have a drink and I don't like it. Okay, fine. And even that if you have one, if you have one drink, why not? What is it I'm looking for? And I. There is a person in the group who she posted one. Someone was talking about, about butterflies and it was somebody who I know she's from Ocala, Florida, because that's where I went to high school. And I. But she's. She said she was a therapist, but she said that a lot of times the butterflies are very unhealthy. That, that, that butterfly feeling that you think you get that is your heart fluttering is anxiety because you're about to make the same mistake you always make.

Oh, wow.

And I love that. I love when she said that because I think there's something to that. Like, I'm sure There's. I'm sure there's times where those butterflies are legit. I also think that's not. I don't know. I. I also. If that's all you're. If you're looking for the butterflies that are not there, I don't know. Like, is that enough? Because we're all older and we have lives. I mean, I. I've been. I'm interested in somebody right now who is an amazing individual, but I also have a company to run. I have move. I have kids. I still have my. Even my sons are adults, but still have. They're still part of my life. I have a lot going on. Is it possible that somebody. Just. The whole feeling that somebody becomes the center of your universe overnight doesn't seem realistic? Maybe when you're 20, but not when you're 40 or 50 yet. I think that's what some people are looking for.

Yeah. And then they. They put it off when they're not. Like, they. They discard it almost too soon sometimes.

Or again, I think, you know, I think when they do feel it, It's. It's typically 100% physical. It goes back to the 6, 3. Right. I'm looking for that perfect physical specimen or. It's unhealthy. It's actually anxiety that you think of somebody. You're mistaking your own feelings that. Here comes the anxiety of somebody who is probably not going to treat me well.

Totally. So what do you think your advice would be to someone that's deciding on doing the next challenge?

I think with any challenge, you have to go all in, and if you're gonna do it, do it. Just do it. No excuses. Be honest with yourself. I do think, even though, like, with. With the, you know, depending on how many people you get, breaking off into small groups of people, you know, that can support each other is good. I know I have. You know, I was doing 75 hard. I had a friend who was doing it, and we would check in with each other, and that made it a little bit easier. I had some other friends who were going to do it, and I set up a chat group, and they didn't. They could. They didn't survive. But I have a group right now. We do. We have a kind of an ongoing water challenge, if you will. Like, we. We've all set a goal of drinking more water, and. And there's a couple other healthy habits, but it's a small group, and we constantly are checking in with each other. And so maybe that. That would be helpful too, if. If you need people to keep you honest. You know, maybe setting. Carving yourself off into groups of three or four, especially if it's somebody, you know, that you. You kind of feel like, oh, I need to. If they're doing this, I need to do this. I don't want to let them down.

My only. I'm trying to decide still how I want to do accountability for this, because I know I tried it with the challenge, and it didn't. It didn't go so well. And so then the problem. I was trying to copy what you did with your friend, but I think there was something to that with you knowing her so well. And so there is.

Yeah.

I was thinking of how to make it even more accountable in the group, so I'm sort of playing with that. But I didn't think about the small. So then at least. Because I had. In 75 hard. I had a whole group. I was starting with seven people. They all bailed. And I'm still here because I told. My only reason why I'm still doing is I told my daughter I was doing it. So. And I've posted it on this podcast, so I'm. Shoot, I've got to do it now.

Yeah.

Without the people behind me. And I love it. I think it was. I was having a little hard time. Day 17, 18. But now I'm. I'm really in a. In a groove with it. But anyway, that's where I'm still playing around with the idea. So I didn't think about the small group. That's a smart. That's a smart idea, because then at least if one person bails, at least you have the other people.

Yeah. Like I said, I think it's helpful when you know the other person, because then it's kind of. If they're doing it, then in. In your friends and you need to do. But otherwise, you're letting your friend down. And that. That. That's hard to me, that's. Like I said, that's. That kept me going with 75 hards. Because it's like, well, I know my friend is gonna be. She's doing it. I will. I. She won't be mad at me, but I'll be mad at me. Like, I'll feel like I let her down. I don't want to be that. I. I think we define each other as better friends than that, so.

Totally. So what do you think the benefits would be to someone if you want to talk to them right now about doing the challenge? Just from what you saw from the group and the engagement so, like, for the next do the Thing dating dare challenge, I think if you have truly.

Yeah, I think if you're truly lonely and you really do want a relationship, I think it's helpful because it forces you try to do things to force them to say, how do I get out of this rut? The whole idea of there just isn't anybody out there is silly. There's lots of people out there. And so I think the concept of a lot of self reflection and a lot of get out of my comfort zone and do things I normally wouldn't do. I mean, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Well, if I'm lonely and I keep saying, oh, the apps suck, well, then what am I doing differently? And maybe it's not the apps. Maybe it's me, maybe it is the apps. Maybe the people on the apps are bad quality. So maybe I need to go out and meet people in the wild. How do I do that? And maybe in the wild I'm waiting for people to approach me and maybe I need to approach them. I think all of those things you're doing are the right things. And if so, so somebody. To me it's. If you're truly at a point where you say, I really do want a relationship, I just haven't had any luck. Well, maybe this is your opportunity to break it, to break that habit and meet the right person.

Well, thank you so much, Scott. You are so good with being able to explain how to tackle these things. And I got so much from this interview. So I really appreciate you taking the time again to talk to me about this.

All right, thanks, Stacy.

Thanks for listening to the do the Thing podcast. We hope you enjoyed the show. But even more, we hope you'll be inspired to do the thing. Do you have a burning question on doing the thing that you'd like answered? How about an inspiring do the Thing story of your own that you'd like to share? We'd love to hear all about it. Just leave us a voice message at dothething or email us@helloothethingpodcast.com.