Copywriters Drinking White Claw and Dissecting Copy Part II (with special guests).

Oh, okay. We're ready.

We're ready.

How should we even. How should we even start this? Hi. We're. We're a bunch of copywriters and marketers. Most of us. Some of us are not. Some of us are babies or. Yeah. The smallest copywriter. Yeah. And we're gonna just critique some copy here. So we're on clickbank. Do you want to pick a category? Anybody have any ideas or suggestions? We've got a big variety here. Can we please do woman products? We can definitely do a woman's product. Is there a woman category? No, no woman's category.

If you go to dating or something.

Dating sounds fun.

Self help. Was that relationships? Sure. Yeah. We're helping. We're helping.

His secret obsession.

That one's pretty good, but. Yeah. Do you want to do that or do you. I was thinking we go to, like, maybe page. Page five.

Yeah, that. That one's apparently killing it.

God, this is so good.

I want to go to, like, the, like, page five to where it's like, okay, but, like, the right help from these wonderful people here. We can make it a page one or. Yeah. Have you.

Did you sort it by what?

Like, I didn't. I said popularity.

Wrap him around your fingers.

Kind of interesting. We need, like, a textile.

Average sale.

Look at the AOV boosters in this funnel.

So that should load. It's not. It didn't load on the tv, so we're gonna need that to happen.

Buttons up right away.

But also, that's odd. I would open a new tab. That's why.

Mm.

Okay. We need, like, a tech sales letter. Anyway. Great conversations. Top woman's guide to understanding men. This is kind of interesting. Sure seems funny. But open in the same tab.

He's not that complicated.com? Screw that. I am very complicated.

Yeah, you are.

So you might just have to turn Lumon on that tab.

Chromecast. I need, like, an exit pop. Or I need one where you can, like, read the letter. Millionaires Brain Academy. I prefer text. Transcript. What was it, Jack?

B.J. lessons.

Absolutely.

Dang, yo, that sounds interesting.

Now we need. We need a text sales letter, though.

Try to view the mobile.

Oh, wait, no, I think we have.

What do you got? What the heck are you doing?

I'm trying to see if we can find one where we've got the, like. Is that the whole letter, you know? Or is it just like the.

I hope not. Otherwise a lot of work to be holy. Be too easy.

I don't know. Yeah, Jack's BJ lessons might be out Damn it.

That sounds like too bad.

I'm really sorry, guys.

All I can think about is that scene in old School where the guy is teaching all the women at the Blood of Banana.

Secrets men don't want women to know.

Oh, skip to the text presentation. I think this one will be our winner here. Oh, yeah. Okay. Let me Chrome. I'll Chromecast so it's on tv. Okay. Oh, perfect. Do you guys need me to. Oh, No.

Matt Fury, isn't it?

Or Michael Fury.

Internationally respected relationship expert Michael Fury. That's the perfect way to get around having no accolades.

Do we. Do we do this one? It's in some other country.

I don't know.

Do we do this one or is this. It would be too sacred. Yeah, it's just too sacred. He would love it.

We do another one. Let's give somebody else a chance, you know?

Okay. Yeah, I agree with that.

He's got it sorted.

Bam. New product for women's. Is that like. What is it called? Bam.

New product.

Bam.

Sparkly.

No text version there. Yeah, we got fine with a text letter. Infatuation scripts. Let's see. Damn it. So many good looking ones. But ape survival. What?

I mean, that sounds great.

Let's just look at the design real quick. Let's see how that looks. Oh, boring. Message of obsession. Almost $3 million in sales. Updated VSL.

God.

Need like a text version for these.

You open the mobile version.

I keep not doing that, but I can totally. I will do that. Love commands. If I can't. If this isn't working, go back to the mobile version. Is there. Is that on the previous page? Is it like mobile version somewhere or for some of them.

Okay, well that says lots of.

Lots of women's dating VSLs.

Oh, that one actually open on this page. Oh, is it.

It's a. No, no, that's the affiliate page.

Yeah.

Do you think. Do you think a lot of the bsl like pages that are all above the fold would benefit with a link that says view the text version? It might be conversions, right?

Well, usually if you get just. You might have to play it for like a minute.

Oh, that's not bad.

All right, we got one.

Age groups prefer to click and read.

Right. And others by Amy North. You guys want to do this one?

Is that Peter North's daughter?

How to. How to clean up the sticky. I also don't like the font. I agree.

I think the. I don't. I hate that the logo's so big in the beginning. Yeah, yeah. And I would love it for it to be a 7 word text or 7 sentence or a 14 word text or something. Something instead of strange.

Also, what's the deal with the question.

Mark right there with you, Dan?

Like I would think just a picture of the. Having a part of the message there.

Yeah. Blurred out. Yeah, that would be. That would be pretty sick.

Yeah.

Okay, let's.

That's good. So let's go.

Sarah's phone buzzed on her coffee table and it was from him. Her hands shook as she picked up her phone to read what he had just sent, and her world flipped upside down. I'm breaking up with you, it read. She dropped her phone on the table and its screen shattered. Her mind raced with reasons why he would leave her, why he would just give up so easily. Was it because of the new girl at the office? Have I not treated him right?

Is he sick of me?

Am I not pretty enough for him anymore? No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't fight back her tears. That is, until she remembered the magical text message that her friend taught her.

Oh, thoughts on that?

Interesting.

The screen should be shattered on that photo there.

Yeah, I still like, I still like the, like the text message coming in because the almost the instant reaction for anyone is like, boom, look at it. Yeah, Right. So I would love for that to be on that phone right there and maybe have it blurred out what the text actually is.

I just take the shattered part out of the story.

This is really nitpicky. But I would move the photo to the right side of it.

Oh, interesting.

And I don't know how much it helps. It's on an angle either.

Yeah, Yeah. I don't like the line, I'm breaking up with you because nobody ever texts that to somebody. I don't think it's a super. It's not super realistic.

Maybe. Like, we're done.

Yeah, we're. We're done. Like, I'm sorry. Like.

Yeah, we need to talk.

We need to talk. Ah, that's a good one.

That's a good one.

And you can always start with that. Right, right in the end.

Yeah, it took them three sentences to get there. Yeah.

Yeah. The font's really bad though. I know. Everybody's really bad. And it changes a couple different fonts. Like the. Was it because of him? Like, that's a different, like, font.

Also, the story makes no sense to me. The story doesn't make sense because until she, like, apparently she already knew this magical text message, but she freaked out anyways.

Yeah. And like, that's going to like, save the Relationship after he's going to break up.

Yeah.

Too much tension, too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, I'm not really caught up in her story anymore.

Exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I think you're also.

It's kind of like if, like, somebody's not breaking up with you. Is this. Is this letter for you? Like, you know what I mean? Because, like. Like, what if, like, it's not just about the headlines about obsession, but now it's like, oh, thank God she knew a way to make somebody not break up with her. But, like, what for everyone who's not being broken up with? Like, why would they? Why would they.

The lead is for somebody who's just broken up with, but the headlines for someone. For someone else.

Yes. A disconnect, right.

That says free text him back guide right up above. See, if they had a text him guide, then, like, I would just scroll down to the bottom of the page and get the free thing. I see.

Yeah, that's true. I don't. I don't, like, free up there, actually.

So I would make it more of a hero thing. And the way I would probably set it up would be like, she's got. She got dumped a week before her cousin's wedding, but she stumbled upon this course or this text message. She texted him back and like. But it's this story. Like, what's she gonna do? Like, she has to be in the wedding. She's, like, made of honor.

Yeah.

And she doesn't want to be there single and.

Yeah. Yeah.

But thank God for this text message.

It's.

The story is just.

Sorry, go ahead. The story is just too short. It's got.

No.

The character's not filled out.

Yeah.

You know, and the story's not filled out. And they, like, the payoff comes way too soon without me being invested in the story or the character.

Yeah.

I think what happens here is you.

Have, like, the center of the. Like, the middle of the action. The middle of the action is breaking up with you.

Yeah.

Kind of thing. Breaking up with you. Her hand shook as she dropped the phone.

Yeah. Yeah.

I just think it's also the wrong story.

You said what?

I think it's the wrong story.

So it's.

It's actually well written. Right. You know, it's got all these little pieces of drama and escalation and all that. So I suspect what happens is you had a copywriter who said, oh, yeah, the best way to do something like this is to start with this moment of drama or cataclysm. But they didn't quite Think through what would be the best, what vehicle for that.

For.

I'm assuming, just from the headline, that this is not all about being broken up with and saving the relationship.

So can we. Can we keep reading?

Yes, of course. Absolutely.

Until she remembered the magical text message that her friend taught her. The text message that would change his mind about breaking up with her. The strange, simple text that would cause his heart to burn with an intoxicating desire every time he thought about her. Keep reading this letter, and I promise that what you'll learn in the next four and a half minutes will change your life forever. My name is Amy North. I'm going to reveal to you the shocking ending to Sarah's story. And I'm going to reveal a secret text message you can send to a man. Forget about every. To a man, forget about every other woman and focus all of his attention, love and desire on you and only you to make you the only woman that he ever has on his mind, and to make him worship you, fantasize about you, and obsess over you as if you were the last woman on earth. The moment you use this text on a man, you will make his heart pound with hunger and excitement as if you had put a hypnotic love spell on him. So if you're sick and tired of him ignoring your text messages and pulling away, then keep reading.

So let's pause here for a second.

Yeah.

Yeah, I can buy that. I like the line, as if you put a hypnotic love spell on him. I think that's a good line of copy.

Their structure is right. They know they have to shift to benefits right away after, like, the initial, you know, the initial story. So I like that the. They have, like, a benefits section coming, you know, pretty early.

Yeah, I always. I feel like a lot of us, like, including copywriters and offer owners, like, copywriters, we don't, like, proofread or write it that well. And we go to offer owners who also don't proofread or edit that well. And then, like. But even little things like that, that can really throw somebody off. I can just, like, kill your conversions right there. Kill.

Kills you with the.

Yeah, the typo right there. Because if, like, you know, the secret message you can send to a man forget about, which I'm sure you know, sent to a man to make him forget about.

Especially in a really critical sentence.

Yeah, especially early on in the lead like that. Like, later on you can get away with it more.

Yeah. Can we go back up and take a look at the previous section?

Yeah.

Wait from until she remembered down all the hers at the end of the sentence. Honestly, this person, like, their sentences are better than the average thing that I read, you know?

Yeah, yeah. But I just think you need to throw in a short one every now and then.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That would help a lot. And I do think one, like, kind of clever thing is that, you know, because then you could use any story, right? You can make up a story, and then you'd be like, hey, I'm Amy. You know, I'm gonna, like, relate this to you. You know what I mean? It's not, like, the true story of this person who suffered this and then created.

Well, yeah, I think the story is still kind of generic. Like, that's the big thing is, like.

Make it so much stronger.

Like, going back to, like, the wedding thing, like Matt said, or, like.

Yeah, something unique to, like, the presenter.

Of the product is nimbly done.

I would do something where, like, you get, like, a wrong text. Maybe, like, where she gets, like, a text from, like, the guy she's dating, but really, it's clearly meant for another woman who he's also seen.

I like that.

And she finds that out, and, like, all of a sudden, her whole heart drops and, like, this whole, like, kind of, like, moment of anxiety. But then she, like, realizes a way to, like, I guess I don't know about getting him back because he's an asshole at that point. But, like, that's the thing. Like, I don't know how this is gonna end, but, like, she can't actually get him back. I mean, she can. Does she? We can do a vote. Does she. Does she get him back at the end of this letter? Raise your hand if she gets him back. I think, actually, I think so, too, for this letter. That's the problem, right? Because, like, a lot of times. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like that's what I think happens. Yeah.

So, like, what if she wasn't supposed to get the text message and it was him texting his friend? Like, I'm thinking about breaking up with her.

Oh, that's. That's.

That's interesting.

I like that because, like, he somehow swiped her.

Yeah.

Instead, I. I also. I have a pet peeve. Like, during movies, if I see and I, like, the first five minutes, I can tell what the ending is.

Right.

I feel like I read the shocking ending. I'm like, oh, man, I already know how the story's gonna end.

What I'm saying is when they. They just deflated all the tension with one sentence.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And why Highlight that paragraph because it.

Causes heart to burn.

Emotional loopholes.

No.

Yeah. Intoxicating desire. I mean, I like. I like the sentences, though.

I mean, what I'm really getting the sense of is they just hired probably a relatively novice copywriter and they're like, here's Chris Dodd's stuff.

Copy this thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Always Chris.

Chris still the one.

Let me go a little bit. A little bit deeper. Yeah, sure.

Yeah.

Oh.

So if you're sick and tired of him ignoring your text messages and pulling away, then keep reading. Because this one little text holds the key to make any man feel an everlasting love for you and only you forever. This sounds unbelievable, I know. But it has worked shockingly well for the hundreds of women I've shared this kind of text message with. I don't like that. This kind of text message. I want it to be a specific text message.

They need to start dabbling.

Yeah.

Hi.

This whatever sign up. Accident text message or neurological hacking text message. Seven word text message. They need to start saying, oh, it's based in this and that so that you get a little bit of something to hold on to without learning anything.

Yep. Ian always texts me back women like.

Rachel who use them on her ex boyfriend after he suddenly and unexpectedly dumped her. As soon as her ex read this message, he immediately realized his mistake, told her how much he missed her, and begged her to take him back. Okay, the second block that I don't like. Again, more deflating. I really liked whoever Dan came up with the. We need to talk right now. I need to know what happens. Yeah, because I don't know what the talk's about.

Right.

You know, like, that's. That's. I like that. Or my friend Samantha who used it on the new cute guy at the gym. Once he read that magical text, he immediately asked her on a date. And they've been infatuated each other ever since. Now this doesn't make sense to me.

That's the problem, right? Because it was like, is it to like get him back or.

Yeah, it's a text to get him back or is it a text to get a new guy Now? Now I'm like, now I'm like, I don't know.

Now I'm lost of how stupid men are. And you just need one sentence.

You buy the one that's.

He's not that complicated. Dot com.

Oh, no. This is. It's going to be like you get info production. It's like the. The magical text is just like, hey, yeah, it's like, hi, I'm a woman. Yeah, yeah. Dtf question mark.

Done.

Yeah. It's the magic text. He immediately came back. Since the dawn of time. This one weird three letter. Like.

Yeah, yeah. I feel like they didn't, they didn't have like the one text in mind. So now they're starting to wander. Wander around the, the product trying to find.

I don't know. I agree.

Yeah. I also agree.

Oh.

We'Re not gonna not read to you during this video.

Why? Like I. I'm thinking, why wouldn't they. Why would they put a picture of a woman staring enticingly at attacks? Why would they not put a man.

The pictures in general. Yeah. Don't actually make a whole lot of sense. I guess. This is Amy North. This guy, I don't know what the demo is, but this guy's kind of like a young like, like fuck boy at the gym.

And then like, isn't that the guy? The vampire?

Twilight. Twilight kid.

Taylor Lautner.

Yeah, yeah. The pictures are not all that congruent.

Should we, should we take a look at like the mechanism section?

Yeah, sure, yeah, let's do that. Well, now we're going to animated things. By the way.

Are we going to want proof?

Which is like nice.

You know what's interesting though is like I have a thing I do on our stuff. Scan through and buy. Can I just scan through, read the headlines and make a decision to buy? I'm confused. If you scan through here, there's no like.

Exactly.

It's a different story now.

Oh, oh, perfect.

Okay. Until she showed up. So you kind of scan this in this section. But even then that could be a better story.

This seems like it has a lot more conflict in it. Like, why didn't they lead with this part?

Yeah, I completely agree.

Yeah.

Seven years younger, thin, had that kind of youthful flurriness that most men go crazy for.

I like the idea here. I like the idea, but I agree.

I mean that could have been a way better lead already than like.

Yeah.

Or even the wrong text to her or like whatever it may have been.

That would be the shocking end of the story.

See, I like this. I like this so far.

Yeah.

Holding hands at the park last night.

Yeah, that's a little.

Which one?

The line about please don't freak out, Jen said, but I think I saw Mark and that new intern together holding hands at the park last night. I'm not 100% sure because I think when you have an affair, like what you really do is you just go hold hands at the park. Yeah.

Not as believable. They should have been either making out.

Or, you know, at a bar, leaving. Like, leaving a bar or at a hotel, at a conference, up the elevator together, something like that.

Yeah.

Yeah. That's how I do my affairs.

Yeah. Yeah. It makes way more sense. Okay.

Okay.

So now doing the hanky panky at the park last night.

Okay, so now. Now she's worrying.

Okay. Yeah. The fonts are really tough. Yeah. It kind of feels like I'm reading, like, a comic book. Like, as far as these animated things.

You know.

It'S almost.

The pictures almost, like, make me feel good.

So what if it was like.

She.

Woke up from her sleep and to go to the bathroom and she heard her husband or boyfriend chatting on the phone, saying, I can't take this anymore.

Exactly.

Yeah.

And then she saved it by this text message.

Yeah, yeah. That would be way better.

Because the other thing that's at issue with this is kind of what we're saying earlier is if I'm a woman and I'm reading this, I'm like, why would I want to be back with that anyway?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Product that teaches me how to get my cheating boyfriend back. That teaches me how to skin him alive, Get him back, and then kill him.

I wonder. I wonder if there's room. So one thing that popped my head is like, what if he had a product that's, like, how to make him jealous?

Yeah. Oh, that'd be way better.

Yeah. I don't know. That's just something that popped in my head. I wonder if, like, I. I don't know if that's something that, like, I think women are just naturally good at or they already know what to do or, like.

I think, really, if you start at the beginning of this thing, the question that they didn't seem to effectively answer to me is, is this a product for women who are trying to get into a relationship? Because some of the examples they gave were about meeting men and stuff like that. Or is this with a woman who wants to basically rekindle passion totally. In an existing relationship?

They went after both, which I don't think.

Yeah, they.

Yeah. Yeah.

You can very rarely be, like, everything to everyone. You have to pick your battles.

I mean, think about, like, Krista Dodds, when I, like, text your ex back or something, it's very centered on one, you know, and this is just a general texting guide is what I'm getting the feel of.

I'm waiting to see this gonna be any kind of, like, other surprise. Yeah.

So, okay, wait.

She Sent the text and now he's begging her for forgiveness.

I said, wait, there's like a. Look, it's a cracked screen too. Oh, now you gotta.

Almost immediately.

It is. It is weird how I went to like a couple stock photos, like animations the rest of the way.

Yeah. Curious.

Wow. That's one text. But even that the text remind him of everything good they had together. Put him with a desperate fear that he'd never find a match like her again. But even going back to like, the mean new guys at the gym, all that, it's like, okay, well, that's not the same text message. Right.

But at least that dimensionalizes it a little bit. I like that.

I think the copy, like, the writer is talented.

Yeah.

But it's just like, not congruent from like a messaging standpoint right there.

Like, they become like this omnipresent narrator who knows all of his.

His thoughts.

Whereas the whole time before, like, we don't know any of his thoughts.

True, true.

Now there's also this thing. I know you're reading this. So who is this mysterious friend that told Sarah about the most influential text messages ever?

Well.

Drumroll, please. It was me, Amy North. Like, why didn't she just incorporate herself? Much more narrative part of her story as well.

Yes, I agree. And even if they were going to keep it like that, like, it has to be, again, different side section. Kind of like a different subheader. Because suddenly, like, if you're reading and then it's going to say Amy north, like, we have to kind of like, this is the part about Amy north now. Because, like, suddenly she's like, talking about her time studying the science of love and attraction. And even that's not like a really great, like, credential thing, right? Oh, yeah, I've studied this stuff.

That's, you know, that's like. Like Laura said, that's a replacement for lack of actual credentials.

Yeah. So, like, I've been broken up with a lot of.

Relationship saver.

Yeah, yeah.

Text message guru.

You know, three important facts. So maybe it's a zigger mechanism. Okay. Yeah.

The key to making a man fall and stay in love is his attention.

Okay. Okay. Buy it, I guess.

Two, there's some psychological triggers grab a man's attention. I want there to be one psychological trigger.

Yeah. Or a specific number. Like something.

Or you. You want to name the trigger, though. Like.

Yeah, yeah, they name them, like attention hooks right here. But even then, it would be cool if they, like, gave you one. Because the other problem is if you're gonna go that blind. Like at least give away one.

For example.

Like, for example, this is one. But that's actually the weakest of the four.

Attention hooks is also just too generic of a phrase.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah.

I'm gonna say tried. Like, you've been so easy on them so far with like the writing.

Well, I have a. I have like a habit because I've coached copywriters before that I don't like. Some are. I want to coddle their ego. I don't want to destroy it. And I want to like, well, whoever.

Wrote this will watch it one day and just be so thankful for you. I don't know. I think the writing is good. Yeah. All right. Three, you can use these hooks to capture a man's attention. Well, that's. How's that? Yeah, they're attention hooks. So obviously number three, you can use them to capture a man's attention. Like, how is number three actually different? Number two?

Yeah, yeah.

Because it creates, what does it say, desperate feelings of love and fat.

That's really good. Yeah. And even a positive feedback loop and like quotes like, I'm like, is that like unique enough to like kind of make it like a bolded special thing? This is what you call a genuine obsession. Also in quotes.

For some reason, the change, the formatting is a little weird for me too. There's too many.

The fonts also totally different now. Right. Because this font is way different than it was.

It's like normal font as opposed to cursive.

If the whole thing have been designed in this font, it would be significantly better. Like the weird font.

The fact that the font changes just makes me feel like it's janky. Yeah.

Way smaller on your computer than it is up there.

Yeah. And then like the build up and like reveal for the product. Right. Like now you're thinking, how do I get started? I'm actually not thinking that at all. But yeah. How can I learn more about these magical or these magical text messages and use them to make any man stick to me like a cute puppy dog?

Honestly, even that, like, make any man stick to you like a cute puppy dog is probably a better headline than.

I agree. Laura.

I don't like the name of the products.

Text divided by chemistry equals forever.

Wait, why Amy Norman? Why are they selling Tinder success secrets to a woman?

That's the problem. They shouldn't show all that right away. I think they showed the one product and we're do the bonuses and you bundle it all in. But the first time I would Just show the project. Right.

But like, also, like, I feel like, okay, maybe I'm wrong in this episode.

How to find quality men on Tinder. So all the men that like women get.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, but the one guy that she actually likes doesn't, like, respond or whatever.

Maybe something along there. Yeah, no, never mind.

I'm also, I don't know about that image for the phone game with, like, the woman on the phone having a hot time.

She looks like she's a 900.

She actually, she's on an old school phone.

Yeah. She's been doing the little roto dial. Like, and then I'm gonna guess there's not gonna be a bunch of fascinations here. Like, there should be. Let's see. Oh, maybe. Okay, so wait, blah, blah. Here's a short preview. They're really big. I feel like there's so much space.

That's at least better than attention hooks.

Yeah, that's. Yeah, that's a good.

Do men ignore.

Should say, why?

What would you say? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Why men ignore.

Yeah, do men ignore your messages?

And how does it fix it?

Do you want your X back?

Yeah.

Satellite text, which is also actually. Okay.

Yeah.

I, I, this is a random sidebar, but, like, I think ex back products or how to get your ex back products are like, prob. I mean, I just really think they're like, a really great product because that's when a person's in the most pain. And that's where almost every, like, dude that buys a dating product gets into that space right after they get broken up with.

Right.

Right after a horrible breakup.

Yeah.

So, yeah, it's like, do, do, do. Yeah, you'll do. So first of all, I'm just starting all these things. Do you?

Do you?

Do you.

And that makes it.

And then as like for hype. This is such a wasted, like, kind of subhead. Totally.

Yeah.

Simple cheat sheet. Like, cool.

Are you worried that you are.

Yeah, I just feel like this is an awkward bullet. This whole thing is really weird.

Yeah, this is an awkward bullet form.

Also, they're all numbered.

They're trying to be all things to everybody again in this list.

Okay. How many are there? Okay. 12. And so much more. Yeah.

All right.

Oh, that, that's too long. That's too. I'm not, I'm not gonna, I'm not.

Gonna read all that. Even if I saw. I came across your YouTube videos, I would immediately just, like, go to YouTube and search Raimi North.

Yeah, you don't want to bring that up.

Which probably the whole first paragraph can be taken out.

I can't believe they didn't put one phrase involved in all of them.

That ridiculous.

Okay, when I first. Oh, this is. Are you ready? Yeah, yeah.

I sold. I sold the first 10 spots.

Sorry, guys. Yeah.

At slash out 349.

I don't hate that the slash out, though. You know, a little price anchor. No.

Yeah, but you're saying you like, factually already sold them at that. Why didn't you scratch to know what.

If the way to initiate this sale was text this number and we're going to reply with a text to you and then it brings you into the funnel to.

You're too ahead of your time. It's crazy.

It's crazy.

It's a really good idea.

It's a really good idea.

Just keep scanning until the.

It could be like text system will give you the first five texts for free. Right.

I think they needed to give me some sort of future pacing before they got into this.

They got him very abruptly. Yeah. There's no. No foreplay.

I had no momentum to make the. The 12 bullets that weren't really bullets wasn't enough to make me want it.

The bullets were weak too, and there was no foreplay. So, like, of course he broke up with her. And like. No. Thank you. Thank you, guys. I mean, who thinks this was written by a man?

No, I didn't really think. No, I'm just thinking.

You think it's a woman.

I honestly think based on the story, it's so generic.

That's why I think it's a man. Much like. And I asked them, persuading you.

I. I can't. I can't lean either way, to be honest.

Interesting.

I can't lean either way. But based on the fact that most copywriters are male, then yes.

Okay.

The reason that I'm thinking it's a male is because like what. What I said earlier, that it. It seems like somebody just looked at a different thing and kind of swiped it without really thinking through what would make this different or unique or kind of the higher level considerations. I think a woman would almost be automatically inclined to take that step back just based on our own experiences.

Interesting. Interesting. I'm. I'm curious what the stats are on clickbank.

Find out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's weird.

This is a really shitty subhead. Semi off point maybe. I don't know.

Depends.

Like, because I do. That's what I'm about to offer you. Listen up. Scroll down, hit the add a cart button. Get access to my entire text chemistry program. You can use the material and watch as men begin chasing you, obsessing over you and worshiping you like the goddess you are. It's definitely a man. Who wrote this. Yeah. Text slash chemistry. I hate the name. Can we just echo the weird slash in there?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Well, that's a weird guaranteed yes icon.

Ugly.

As I read one line that the eye is attracted to to angled images, which it is. But then they did it for every single image.

No, that's also like the guarantee emblem that I would expect to go on a cardboard box at home depot.

Or, like, if you go to the Halloween store in like, August and they have to do it like.

Pinks and all those sort of colors. Now they're the real, like, in your face guarantee and add to cart colors. I mean, I know that there's colors, but just have some congruence, like with the flow colors.

Yeah, I completely agree. Yeah, it's like all over the place.

Super weird. Look at what they're saying. Even if I can't process your refund, don't worry, clickbank will do it.

Yeah, that's a weird thing to say. That's a weird thing to say.

Okay, that's instant new tab.

I'm not going to rip you off, but in case I do protect it.

Overall though, I. I think that, like, this.

You're such a sweetheart.

No, like, if. If a writer like this came to me, I'd be like, okay, this. You can make this person better.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah.

Like, just the fact that they had the stamina to write a sales letter that's this long already, I would say, like, okay, that's work. You can work with that.

Yeah, of course.

Even calling them an ebook, though, is stupid. Like, I would never call them an ebook. I'm like, in this. Like. Like, you know, my system, my blueprint, my, like all that ebook is like, no one is excited about buying an e book. When was the last time you talked to a friend? Well, I bought this ebook and I got so much value from it. Like, you don't talk about ebooks.

Yeah, yeah, I would. It would be. I'm gonna text this to you and you just copy and paste it.

Yeah, it should just be text.

Super simple.

That's what it should be.

Yeah. Totally missed the dump. Free messy upsell. Is it done for you?

And it's coming from a discreet name, like something that a man will never open and read a text message.

We're gonna. We're gonna buy it. We're go through the upsells, you guys.

Oh, yeah.

Hell yeah.

Hold on. Holy man on Tinder ebook. Okay, yeah, Tinder is full of.

What can we. Tinder is full of highly sought after men that you're simply not getting exposed to. That alone is like not a super believable no.

Okay, now I know it's a man.

Yes, now I know it's a man. All the real prizes. That was the line. The real prizes are on Tinder.

That was the line.

Probably on Tinder.

Yeah, he's like, here's an example of the whole guy.

Just like find this guy.

Here's an example of a toy random profile I found. You know, you can find him here at this address.

This is confusing because the promise is get your ex back. But in case you don't, here, I'm gonna teach you how to pick up a new guy.

I. I think the, the product should be either text your ex back and then the bonuses should be like get a new man or the opposite. The product should be get how to get a new man with text. And yeah, there should be a bonus for like getting your ex back or something.

Something has to be one of the other.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Formatting here again. This like, I don't know why this much has to be like so giant. Much, much more.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, well, you did the Crossroads close though. You got two options. So, you know, I like that. I'm a fan of the crossroads. Option one a little short, but you leave this page.

Always go harder with the negative plus.

Yeah. Going back to there's no future pacing. There's also no like dimensionalized pain points or benefit or anything like that. It's not like experience what it's like.

To have this transformation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You wonder if it's you, you know, is there something wrong with you? Even your family will keep asking.

That's what I'm saying. That's why a man wrote this.

Yeah.

You can just come up with a copy instantly.

Well, even option two. Try my program. Like option two, like, you know, change your life. Like I get like happy out of the love of your dreams forever. Like you know, know. Yeah.

It seems like this person had a checklist of things that needed to be in a letter.

Yeah.

But they prepped a lot of stuff and then it refined and say, okay, these are. I'm going to boil this down. Just keep these elements. It was sort of like, ah, collect them all and just put them all in.

And I think that's why because this is number like six out of, like, I don't know, 100 pages on ClickBank. Because they did actually go through the checklist, and they're a decent writer, which is like, the whole. That's a big point. Right. If you actually do, like, follow the correct formula and you're an okay writer, like, your stuff can go. Okay. But even if I. This isn't like, a salesperson for Copy Accelerator while we're all here. But, like, the point is, like, then how do you go from, like, okay to, like, all the little things that you may not pick up on? Right. But then you're like, how can you make it?

Just the fact that this person. Just the fact this person followed a structured format and wrote coherently. I already. I'm like. I'm like, yeah, that's because I've seen stuff that's, like, just all over the place.

Can we also agree that this format of all this yellow here, like. Yeah, that's horrible. This is way, way too much yellow going on. Right?

Yeah, that's gross.

Like a raging pit bull. Also.

Yeah, I saw that.

Also, why a man wrote this.

My thighs torn to shreds.

Relentlessly inside of you.

Yeah, I kid you not. Is a. Is a male phrase, I think.

Yes. It's a stupid.

Yeah, I kid you not. As a male phrase.

Yeah, yeah. Even going from, like, a storybook ending you thought about as a child to, like, raging Pitbull, it's kind of a big, big jump. Kind of weird, though.

Or clickbank might do it if they don't reply. Isn't the possibility of eternal love and happiness worth it?

I mean, legally, I guess.

Yeah, exactly.

A big living f. I. I think like a.

Whenever they got a buy button, they're not telling you to click on it or what's happening.

Yes.

Just like, that's a no.

Like. No. Dude, Jamie, with the MVP comment, you're right. There hasn't been anything but, like, click the button.

Yeah. No word click. There has not been the word. The thing was just like, oh, there's almost. They went through and forgot to take out.

I also feel like that button is very incongruent to the whole thing. Yeah, it should say. It should be like, pink and say, I want love now.

Yeah, exactly 100%. Also, no. No FAQs at all. No P.S. anything like that. Which could be really good. Yeah.

What's the price on curtain? Did they do it?

They did, but it was really weak.

They did it, but there was.

Yeah, it was really weak.

They also didn't give me any of my Alternatives, you know, Like, I could go whatever women pay for, but I could go get my hair done hoping that a guy will notice. For $400.

Absolutely.

That's a great point, Dan. Yeah.

New outfit, someone.

If a woman had wrote this letter. It's true.

That one Tinder comment, I'm like, oh my God, that's so far off.

Obviously.

Okay, here we go.

Here we go.

Order form.

They do.

They can fall deeper and deeper.

The only thing I like about this order form is that they ask for your email address first. It's almost like they know you're not going to buy it. Like, at least we can get the fucking lead right, you know, Like, I'm have to go.

Paul, George.

Let's go, let's go.

We're going to get some emails.

Well, let's critique this real quick. Make sure. Let's see what we think. I don't mind this.

Yeah, I don't mind. I don't mind the guarantees.

I don't get. Why is it called text chemistry? Yeah. Okay. I see guarantee up here. Security guarantee. I don't mind that you actually.

Fine.

Yeah. You can actually put the security stuff up top though. I feel like to make it even more like above the fold.

Sure.

Kind of.

Yeah. Yeah.

But not bad.

They don't have those testimonials somewhere here.

I actually don't hate.

I like that. I like that.

Yeah, it's a little bit weird back to back, but actually I think the checkout page or this page is fine. Yeah. Then let's go step two, which should be pretty much clickbanks checkout form.

I think you only get so much.

Oh, nice little touch.

This is nice.

This is. This is cool coloring.

They should have just done it in their salespeople.

It's hard to get to clickbank.

Yeah. Custom custom code it like that. Like. Yeah, it's actually pretty good. I'm like, why do I have to enter my email address again though? Because I just entered it. Yeah. So I'm super annoyed by that.

Yeah, that's a big conversion killer.

I know this guy. Actually, I'm gonna use PayPal because I can pause the loom video and like.

Buy my advertise your credit card.

That Evernote I showed you. Look of all my passwords in it, you know? Yeah, let's see. Okay. Oh yeah, I'm gonna pause right now. Wi Fi.

How many think are going to be on this over? Under three.

Oh, I like that.

Yeah. I just feel like it should be a done for your tax. It's got to Be the first upsell has to be done for your tax. Yeah, it should be.

But isn't that what the program.

Yeah, I feel like that's what the program is.

I honestly don't really know what the program is. I haven't gone through at all. I know it's some text messages, but like.

I think it's a guide. I don't know if I get.

Maybe the upsell is like a autom. Like a bot that just sends text messages for you.

Yeah, that be dope.

That would be sick. That would be like a software or something. Dude, if you could make. Dude, that would be such a sick upsell. Just like a software.

Make it a. Make it a what?

Take it easy, bud. I'm excited about the next year.

Can't wait. Lot of. Lot of nerd whole year.

What if you could create a chat.

Bot that sends a text message for you and then you make it a subscription? Like software?

Yeah.

No, no, no. I never. I never refund it.

Yeah, the bot just texted me for you.

Figures if we're gonna put them on the Internet and drag the copywriter.

Yeah, right. Boom. Okay. Okay.

Now we get a video.

Welcome. Did.

Oh, we went to the text letter. Right.

These people have a. A pretty decent idea of some things that need to be there.

Cuz this is cool.

They're calling the right structure.

Let's see. We can find out.

I think it's Amy Nor Danigan reading or whatever they hired.

Welcome to the Munger Zone and a huge congratulation to you for making the wise decision to purchase my Text Chemistry program. Do not press the back button on your browser or exit the screen. You're on the right page. You're going to quickly begin using my patterned texting system to begin making men around you, chase you, and obsess over you. But first, I have a special surprise for you that you're going to absolutely adore. Let me introduce you to the Text Chemistry platinum course. This is a super elite package that I only share with people who have purchased my program. So why is this package so exclusive? Because in it, I reveal my most powerful and effective smart psychological text messages and strategies that will compel the top 1% of men to find you ridiculously attractive, hypnotic and alluring. So if you're sick and tired of dating men who think you're just average and want to seduce the wealthiest, most successful, most powerful of men, or really force whoever you're with right now to commit to your relationship in a way that you never thought possible, then you will really really want this? Because the moment you use these advanced secrets on a man, he will feel explosive urges to spend every way committing and his heart will race every time he sees you. In fact, these emotions that you will create inside of him will be so powerful that the thought of ever talking to another woman will repulse him to no end.

Not bad. Laugh copy.

Yeah, it's a big lack of credibility. Like I on the front page I saw nothing about Amy north or why.

I should believe her or trust her.

And then she said these were like you already got my patented whatever.

Like patented.

No.

And like no, of course we talked about this a lot this week. But like there's no like problem that arises which is why you need this upseller or anything like that.

I would think the next logical program would be like I don't know how to get him to marry you or something like that.

Yeah.

But even this, imagine this, you send a text message to a man, immediately his heart flutters and his mine becomes consumer.

I just bought that.

Yeah, literally just bought that. I'm like I can't imagine. I thought I just. I paid for that. What did I pay for? Yeah, and it's a three part course. This sounds like okay, the honeymoon phase forever.

Okay, that's kind of a cool phrase for a bonus like title.

Yeah.

This is a little Che. Like she like does it interested upgrade to it like the sickness a little weak but yeah. Plus.

So what about more of the same instead of text message, Facebook message message, Tinder messages. Yeah. All type in different languages on different like platforms.

Right.

What kind of pics to send.

What I just bought works for all of like wouldn't that be the natural reaction?

No, these are the follow ups that are gonna like cement it and like month after month have continue falling.

This was a bonus for the first one.

Yeah, it was.

Yeah, yeah.

That was just a thief.

And that was why men pull away left. That's why men pull away.

I thought, I thought it was white men pull out.

No explanation how to get him not to pull out.

Got baby fever. How to read a man.

Most of this stuff seems like it should have just been bonuses on front end total.

Yeah, 97.

I mean well it's an 89% discount. 89%. 822. Really? Okay. I mean I'm obviously going to add to my order right now. Yeah.

Take me to the next step.

I'll refund it.

I'm going to make you.

I don't do I have so many. I refund video.

Another complete system.

How Many systems.

Do you Brad Browning.

Wait, wait, wait.

This is.

This is pitching another dude something. Okay.

Breakup coach.

Complete system. I would hate to need three systems to have Amanda love me. That would make me feel like about myself.

So he knows exactly why. He already gave me two bonuses that tell me.

He already sounds way more credible than Andy North.

But now they're not going to pull away. Cuz I have all this like I don't even need to know why they pull away. Doesn't matter.

He already sounds like the commitment blueprint.

It's a three part video series which is not that exciting at all. Again like video series ebook. Like you gotta find like really exciting ways to like describe that. It can't be just like a generic.

Like just a nitpicky thing. Notice how the. The flat types here and just the. The formula. Completely different from the other stuff.

Completely different.

Hurts my eyes. I want it to be pleasing to my eyes.

Pleasing to your eyeballs.

It's brand new.

And this isn't think it is. It's brand new.

It's been sold. For how much?

Sorry, but you won't find it anywhere else on the Internet.

I think it's be. Oh, only 3.95, right? Not too big.

You won't see this offer anywhere else. Huge typo.

Anywhere even like that.

Yeah.

Zero copy that. Tells me what I'm about to buy. Ever.

Through the roof. Oh man, this is the fourth one. Third. No, no, no, you're right. Third. Yeah.

Here'S one more once.

Dope. Look, check out this group call me. The final part of this video group coaching call. We. We're all thinking about breaking up with each other.

Just be like hey, this is a poly group. As you can see, Las Vegas address. We've all been living in this house together. I got a text message that said one person was leaving and now I'm trying to save everyone.

Hire me as a personal email coach. Oh my God.

I don't want it to be hire me on the stage. I want it to be book a free call. Book a. Yeah, book a 20 minute consultation call for something, something, something.

And maybe she's gonna like train you. Maybe she should train you through text. Like get my text me.

Yeah. Such a good point, Laura. Yeah.

Or how about like.

You a fourth one. Let's see. Thank you.

I knew, I knew the over.

I'm curious. Can we check out the program?

Yeah.

You know something interesting. What if the woman's afraid of texting? They didn't really cover that. Like you don't have to be afraid of this. Like what if it was even I could text it for you. And here's why this benefits you because like in case he's. I think that takes away a lot of fears.

What do you.

What do you think is the age demographic for this? 20 to 40 or 30.

Okay Matt, that's actually a really good point though because I mean even in like not even for the upsells but like just being like. And don't worry even if you're really bad text messaging, you never know what to say say or anything like that. Like these are such given like yo the copy and paste like blueprint text messages. Like you can just take them and.

Use them in the work no matter.

What they take any of that like the front end.

I don't think I saw a single even if statement or without xyz. Without whatever I don't want to do.

Yeah.

Apart from on the upsell when you're like I've already bought this.

The bonus interview. Can we questions of a player. Was that. Was that one of the.

Yeah, that would be something that's not.

But it would probably work really well. So if the woman's boyfriend left her because he got a text from his ex and this text she went to the search to figure out like what was this text. She went on this journey and she finally found it.

Yeah.

A word used to tattoo severity.

Able to.

Okay, here we go. Let's check this out.

Conversion rate on it. Yeah. Cuz you can go to the tab but I don't think.

I think you could open.

It's fun to look at but there's.

Like the icon version of it super fast.

It could be used for real good if you think about it. Yeah, I think I can spell it out.

Smarty pants.

I hacked the mainframe.

I hacked the mainframe.

Never really look at the whole journey.

Are you ready for bed, my love?

Oh my goodness. Disclaimer Texting mistakes.

You and visual dinner.

Menu restaurant menu and get the acronym is rul.

Texting mistakes passive aggressive and angry texts.

So that rule is like the one.

Rule jealous about emojis year nay.

So what was the title of part one?

Part one was the rules for texting Part two.

Oh wait.

Take a look at these. Take a look at these. The game on text.

The.

The fueling his engine tech. These are all great.

This is stuff that is great for like.

Yeah.

Like even if you look at the way it's broken down the day like the day to the day, the day of the date that's the type of stuff that they could have been way more specific about.

Yeah, yeah. The funny text, like a Saturday morning.

Text to guarantee.

You know, the text to make sure he texts you back. Like.

And then to the other point, like, this one. Seems it could almost be two products. This product is for a woman who's dating, but this chapter is for a woman who's dating. And then the other chapter is for a woman who's in a relationship.

And it's interesting, like, a lot of these little sections could have been used as, like, bullet points with promises and benefits on the sales order.

Yeah.

Oh, so it's like whoever wrote, like, the products.

That's good copy. That should have been.

There's some, like, some copywriters waiting to come out of their shell. You know, they're on upwork.

Sends do unsolicited.

These are great. These are great.

Why is not. Why are these not in the sales bar?

Well, sometimes copyright.

A fair problem, I think.

Yeah, well, we.

Well, they clearly.

Because some of those were in the.

The.

The sales.

See, I don't think any of this is really about a woman.

This is our conclusion. Thank you. Everyone say thank you. Thank you, Internet. Okay, that was cool. Again, again. Five more page 10.

We'll see like, in the next couple weeks. They slowly with upper anchor.