Genesis World Class Copy Feedback Call

Good.

Good, good, good, good, good. This is gonna be fun today.

Okay. What's up? Long time no see. Like, I haven't seen forest in 20min.

Cool.

All right. So Mario and I have agreed our goal is to make. Make you cry. If you're on the call and you submit a copy, we want tears, tears.

Of pain, tears of growth, especially fiery mood today. So it's gonna be extra.

We're ready to go. We're gonna jump right into it. We have a lot of submissions, so just reminder for everyone to know. I know we said it a bunch, but the purpose of these calls is, like, the feedback is. That's the promised feedback that you have through the Oracle system. The feedback that we give here is just, like, from a time perspective, there's no way we can promise that we'll get to everybody's stuff. And we have, like, 23 submissions, so I don't think we'll be able to get through all of them in the slot that we have, but we will get to as many as we can, and we will try to give priority next time to the people that we don't get to today. But regardless, whether your copy gets reviewed or not, it's a really, really powerful exercise to see it, like, get broken down, see the way we think about it. I learned a lot about copy just watching other people break things down. Right. I mean, literally right before this call, I was watching Mario give feedback to another copywriter in the group and learning things for myself. So it's very powerful. That's it. Without further ado, we'll just jump into it. Mario, one thing I'll do. Do you want to share it on your end, or you want me to share it on my end?

Either way.

Okay.

We're gonna post the link or we're just gonna show it from our.

I think we'll just show it from ours. I guess I'll share it. And then I'm also gonna set a timer for 10 minutes just to keep us on track.

Sounds good.

Okay.

Everyone can see.

Yeah, it looks good.

Okay. All right, we're gonna do. From now on, you got to be on the call for us to give the feedback, but Nick kind of reminded me that we didn't even set this up, so I told him I would. I would get to it. I don't know if he's here, but we'll go through it. Okay.

All right.

Because this is so long, we'll probably just give feedback on the lead and then maybe go through structurally. I don't know, Mario, if You want to.

Yeah, that's good.

We'll go through kind of structurally. First thing is like, all right, it's 132 pages and it's 16,000 words, which is probably too long. So the first thing I would recommend to Nick is like, literally try to cut it in half. We'll see.

Yeah. At least 6,000 words got to go, right?

Yeah, we at least got to get to 10. 10,000 is kind of like the max of what you want. It's just too long. Like 16,000 words. If you do words to time is two hours, so it's pretty long. Okay. I'm very long winded, so I can't be too mad. But make sure.

Did you ever scroll down and make sure it's all one?

Yeah, I did. Do you want to. Do you want to go through the rest of the copy and look at, like, some structural places? And I'll start with the lead and the headline. Okay. Coach women.

I wish he was on the call because we would ask about how he knows all the stuff, you know, not. Not why it's so long. All the stuff that he wrote about his avatar, if that's actually true or not. Like, that seems very laser focused. Probably more than what this avatar actually is, right?

Yeah. Oh, we're recording, by the way, right? Yeah. Okay, let me see. Okay. So my first impression is, like, the writing is really good. It's like the writing is good, which is a great sign because if you can write well, like, perfect, all you got to do is fix some of the structural stuff. So, like, my first thought. I know, Mario, if you agree, I kind of like the headline. Like, it's not really a benefit. It's just strictly story. So you're taking a big risk because if they don't connect with a story, they're going to bounce. But we've seen stuff like Chris Haddad stuff. Right. I feel like you could probably make this line a little more powerful because you're putting so much weight on it. But I do think it could work. My thing is, is if you're targeting men who are 50 years old and you're talking about, like, boobs, like watermelons, and you're talking about. I don't know what you guys think, or Mario, if you agree, but like, I imagine her naked on the white sheets of my king sized bed, moaning my name, I felt my balls shrink. It feels. Feels very, like, adolescent. And I think that a lot of these men are going to get turned off by that. Even though, again, it goes back to, like, what we're talking about benefits and stuff. Even though that's what they want and even though that's what they think, Right. Even if they are perverts deep inside, they don't want to, they're not gonna, they don't want to associate your way into it. Right? Yeah, exactly. And also the other thing with dating products is like there's a lot of shame involved if you're a 50 year old man and you're recently divorced, right. And it's like you haven't been on the market for a long time, you don't feel confident in your dating skills. There's a lot of shame involved in that. And men, you know, have egos. They don't want to admit that they're, you know, I mean, they don't want to admit that they're, that they're like this. So.

I don't know.

And you're also. He's also painting these guys into a very embarrassing situation too because there's a lot of their biggest fear as to why they wouldn't want to fix their dating life. Getting embarrassed by a hot 22 year old.

Right. I also wonder. So the setup is that basically he approaches this girl, she's beautiful and he approaches her. But for a lot of guys, I feel like, will the story connect? Because I think a lot of these guys won't even approach a woman.

That's what I'm saying. He's putting them, he's basically painting their nightmare scenario for them. That's going to make them, it's going to make it harder for them to actually be customers.

Your head.

I was like, oh my God, that's gonna happen to me. I don't want that.

Yeah, I mean it is about like having women approach you, which is good. I know for the dating market the thing that always consistently works is like these little words, these few words. Do XYZ guys always want to know what to say? That's the biggest thing in the dating market. And then they also want the woman to approach them. Right. So I think we're right on the. That right track there. I think it's also just too much like focus on the writing itself. Right. Like the writing is good, but we don't need to say. My body tingle from the anticipation of manifesting the pornographic imagery she had still instilled in my mind. One, the language is probably like an 8 or 9th grade, not necessarily, yeah, 12th grade. But it's, it's like this would be good for like a novel, but it's too much Whenever you go with the story, you're taking a risk because if they, it could work really, really well. But if they don't connect with a story and it goes too long before we get into like, goes too long. So I got distracted by BDSM erotica. I gotta ignore the chat. You guys keep throwing me off my rhythm. I forgot what I was saying again. The writing is really, really good, which is perfect.

People get caught up in the writing to where they're like, yeah, like, like you said, like, it's not. You gotta understand why the whole purpose of the writing is just to push the, the sales process further, not just get people. People aren't read, people aren't watching this video, reading this story for it's not fiction. They're not writing. They're not reading it for pleasure. Like eventually you want them to buy something, right?

Yeah. I mean, this is great. Calamine pink lips. I don't even know what that is. Having a pretty big vocabulary. I don't know what calamine is. That's good. Like again, the writing is awesome, but writing copy is, is different from writing fiction. So we have to dial it back.

Like this guy's gonna write like this. I know why this girl is calling them out in public too. Telling her about her calamine pink lips in her a buttock that looked like two cantaloupes. Like, you definitely want to make your, make, make your narrator like talk more relatable to how the market actually talks.

Yeah. And typically like one thing you do with a story is that you start with the, the crisis moment. This is the crisis. And you expand on it for like six to seven lines and then you immediately jump into benefits mechanism, things like that. That's a safer bet. You can have long, long stories, but they're risky and you have to be really, really good. So like a lot of this story copy is good, but we can, we need to do it really fast. And then this whole thing of like now he's in an arm bar, jiu jitsu choke, it doesn't seem super believable and it just doesn't seem necessary for what the market cares about. Right. A lot of these 50 year old guys are not even going to approach women in the first place. So they're not going to connect with the. It's not going to stimulate. The thing of the story is you want to stimulate the fear and the shame that they're keeping bottled up inside. But if they're not out there approaching women, this is not relevant to them. You know, I don't think they're worried about getting put in, you know, whatever. And then also here torturing myself for being so stupid as to walk up to a younger woman in this woke politically correct, feminist bullshit world we live in. You're creating. Unless you're 1000% sure this is a conservative market. Even then I would be careful with it. You're going to, you're going to get people leaving.

There's no reason to even take that risk.

Yeah, there's no reason to take the risk. It doesn't add anything. See how long we're in the story before we get to like talking about them, the benefits and stuff like that.

I'm on page 15 on my screen and it's still the story.

Yeah.

Which is why, like, which is why this is 16,000 words. That's why, like, that's the first thing. Like, it seems so simple. But all we literally did, like, we wanted feedback and the first thing we did was click on the word count tool and we already knew that this thing was going to be like, way too long. And now and then we go through the lead and we realize that like, the lead is going on for way too long. So, like, it seems like such a simple thing, but it's just like, it's something that you know from doing this stuff that allows you to like pinpoint where people's biggest issues are going to be. Like, obviously this guy's a great writer. He just needs to dial it back about five levels and he'll be.

Yeah. And I think all the elements are here, but we just need to like reorganize them and get rid of about half of the letter.

Yep.

I think. But again, the writing is excellent. The writing is really, really good.

Like, feedback for him is gonna have to be like, put him on really strict limits of how much time he is allowed to say each thing. And like within the, within those limitations, though, somebody with this kind of writing talent, like, when you give him a little freedom to like use that stylistic stuff, it's going to actually make his copy pop. But this is way too much of it.

Yeah, all the elements are here. Solid. Go back and just look at RNBC and just literally follow that checklist and keep it. I would challenge you to keep it below between 6 and 8,000 words. Follow that checklist and this will be solid. Everything here is, is good.

It's. Yeah, this market is going to drift, like, right wing in general, but you don't need to alienate the other 40 of your market that just wants to get laid Right. Get a young girlfriend or something. Like, why are you alienating your market at all?

Right. And you have to understand, like, you're. I don't know, I, I still, I don't know, Mari, if you agree, but I feel like a lot of this stuff here is good writing, but it's too adolescent and it's going to make. And I don't think these guys are going to connect with that. You know, an epic canyon of cleavage. Like, I mean, even a 50, like a 50 year old guy who's just recently divorced, he probably wants to smash a bunch of chicks, but he also probably wants to have some sort of relationship and not die alone. Right. Very different motivations than like a, you know, 16 year old horny teenager.

Most of these guys are going to want like a hot girlfriend they can take out to a restaurant and stuff and like not be like living this crazy bachelor life.

Yeah. But I mean, there's a lot of really great copy in here, so once we dial this in, like, it's going to be excellent. All right, that's 10 minutes on that one. So there's plenty more we could go, but hopefully that was helpful. Nick, again, you did great. Like, you're a great writer.

Super high potential, though.

Insanely high potential. Yeah. Okay, next photus. This is a piece I wrote for practice because I feel my headlines and leads are our week. I got the ebook being sold, read through it and use the content, whatever was Dr. Berg. Okay, cool. This is the page.

So he went to that page, like used it as like a sample product and then just went back to write it for practice. I, I cheated too. I peaked at this one like two minutes before.

That's good. Yeah.

So I'll let you start.

But yeah, I mean, go, go for it. Let's. Just from the headline, it's pretty, it's pretty solid. Right? Like it's got the right elements, I think so. I always look, I always break down a headline. Most headlines I break down into what's the curiosity element? And then what's the promise? Right. Either the benefit or away from pain. So in this case, it's your four sick organs are going to hold the key to shedding 42 pounds of stubborn fat in six weeks or less. This is a strong benefit. Right. That's what they want. We have a time frame that's solid. When I look at the curiosity element though, these four sick organs, I like it because it's kind of unique, but I think it could be better. I don't know.

It's not strong enough. We need like something a different. Like something else, a different relational word between those four organs. Like that we can like group them together in a certain way.

Yeah, it's. It's not. It doesn't. Doesn't have that. It doesn't grab me as much. And then typically I like to keep things down to one. Like the power of one is really underestimated. Four is okay, three is okay, two is okay. But one is so much better. So I would always lead towards like, you know, this one. How this one. What was the, the. The pancreas one that you did? The diabetes one. Like how the groundhog organ or whatever. What the.

Oh, yeah, it was the oracle grind.

Yeah, the oracle gland. Right. How this oracle gland or the groundhog gland or something could be the key to like diabetes. So it's like one specific gland. Calling it the oracle gland or the groundhog gland or whatever is a little more curiosity invoking, I think. And then exactly what Mario said here. Be more specific with the credibility. This is just hard to read.

His instincts to use a credibility line there were dead on. But like prominent fat loss authority doesn't mean anything.

Yeah.

If you scroll down, you can see like scroll down a little bit underneath his. Like he wrote it here under his picture and the guy gave like presentations to the FBI.

This guy's super well known. Everybody loves this guy.

The FBI's most trusted fat loss advisor or something.

Yeah.

Like that brings credibility that other people don't have. Right.

Yeah. Also, this is just too much, too hard to read. So you need. We need to break this up.

Yeah. If you post big paragraphs about that, it's like it might as well. You don't post anything because no one's reading all that.

Yeah, exactly. This is good, good instincts, dear friend. If you have 20 and you have struggle to do so, then. Then those four organs are to blame.

See, like Luke said, if you can pinpoint that to one organ and if it ends up being none of the organs that people usually associate with weight loss, then you have way more compelling idea already.

Yeah. If you have 20, 30, 40 pounds more fat to lose and you struggle to do so for more than six months, then I'm going to tell you the number one organ that you need to focus on. It's not your liver, it's not your gut, it's not your colon. In fact, it's blah, blah, blah, you know, give something weird about it. Some weird fact. Right. I know it sounds crazy, but in a minute you'll see it's True. And as soon as you fix this organ, then you get all of these benefits. Fat falls off like this. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, and. And that's a good point too. If you act fat like he says, if you act fast, you could heal your organs. But people don't give a about healing the organs. That's just the way to get the fat loss results that they want.

Yeah. And also heal your organs. Avoid. That's like not going to be a compliant. I mean, yeah, this is not really that compliant either.

But it's like how nourishing this one organ could be the key to losing. Blah, blah, blah and getting back that your confidence and your energy and like just deliver the stuff they really want. The organ. Treating the organ is just how you get there anyway.

I mean the writing is. The writing is good. The instincts are good.

It is good.

Yeah.

His instincts are good too. Like what do we point out? It's literally just specificity in the credibility. He knew to use credibility. And just like the. The strength of the actual idea.

Right.

Like four organs could be a decent idea if you pinpoint it down to one particular one. That's a stronger idea in general. So.

Okay, let's look at these fascinations. The no willpower needed strategy to get back control of your cravings. I feel like it's good as a benefit, but I feel like we could add some sort of curiosity to make it stronger. Right. You know how a simple like, I don't know, like literally anything. Like here's a Starbucks coffee. Right? The Starbucks coffee trick that allows you to get back control of your cravings without any willpower. Right. So always think about if you can combine curiosity element with benefit or avoid this pain problem. You'll make very, very strong fascinations and headlines. So this is just a straight benefit. Cool. But it could be a lot more powerful with that.

You want to use the curiosity element as the reason that's going to deliver the benefit. And then the no willpower needed is like an additional benefit or like objection. Handling. It's like how do you get this awesome curio curiosity element that we're injecting gives you this result without this thing that you don't need is basically like structure for that.

This one, I'm not super big fan of this one. I again, I like the instincts. Right. Like the idea is right. You're using super specificity. 34 cents ordinary veggie. It's in your fridge right now. Parentheses, like all the. All the instincts. And technically it's sound. But we need to step back and start thinking. Thinking about it on a higher level. I think fotus, you're ready to, like, you have a lot of the. The foundational stuff, but it's ready. You got to start thinking a little more in depth of what you're saying. So 34 cent ordinary veggie that can shed belly fat on command. The thing is, like, it doesn't invoke that much curiosity because you're basically saying here, you know how something healthy can help you do something good.

Yeah.

Right. And if you're saying 34 cent veggie, it's like, people don't have this association that veggies are super expensive. And like, the fact that it's in your fridge right now is not. If you said, for instance, the 34.

7, 34 supermarket snack is already better.

Yeah, most people have it in their pantry right now. Yeah, right. That's better because you're not giving it away. There's. There's some motivation. And it's like, oh, a snack that can help me burn fat. Right. People think of snacks as something that's unhealthy. So you go from there.

They find out it's broccoli, and they're like, you furnace.

Yeah. Why every health expert is dead wrong about hormones governing your fat deposits and what you should do instead. I still also think this one could be better.

Well, governing your fat deposits is waking, like, way too confusing.

Yeah.

So we simplify that.

So what do people think about, like. Yeah. I mean, even if you just said, you know what every health expert gets dead wrong about your hormones when it comes to fat loss. You know, parentheses including why cortisol could actually be good for you.

Right.

Most people kind of have an idea that cortisol is bad for you. I still don't think it's the strongest one. But if you're telling them that. If you're just implying. Here's what everyone gets wrong about hormones and cortisol could actually be good for you. Again, you have to make it grounded in reality. But that would be a. A better one.

Or if he actually has something that this is based on, like what you should do instead. I would lead with just something describing that one thing. Like, the one thing you should do to help your fat, help your body burn its stubborn fat and it's not your hormones. Like, use the hormones as, like, example of what. What it's not based on. But you would. You would still need something that honestly depends on what the answer actually is. Because if it's nothing Interesting. Then you can't use that.

But yeah. And then I promise, by the time you're done reading this, you'll have all the tools you need to hit a healthy weight and painlessly stay there. I feel like this kind of falls flat. It was gonna be a little like, if we're talking here about a dude cutting 300 pounds or going from 300 pounds or whatever, and then we're saying we're going to give you the tools to have a healthy weight, it's.

Yeah.

It's not as hard hitting as. It needs to be. Painless to stay there is. Okay. I might use effortlessly or something.

Finally get the body of your dreams and keep it for life.

Yeah.

I've used that line about 500 times. I write weight loss copy every day.

Yeah, that's my biggest one. And then I think overall, just getting this idea dialed in will make everything a lot stronger because everything will flow from that idea. Right. If you have an idea where it's like, there's the organ and it's, you know, guess what it is. It's your. I don't know what. What's a weird organ? It's your. It's not your thyroid. It's not your liver. It's not your belly. It's not your intestines. Right. It's your, you know, thymus gland or something like that. It's your gallbladder. Yeah. It's your testicles. Yeah. I don't know. Hopefully that's helpful.

Structurally, I think that was really good. You just needs just basically pick a stronger idea, and that's going to make every other part of your thing better. But structurally, you're right.

You need to be. We got Claudio.

I think you skipped one, though.

Oh, Facebook ad. Right. Lorenzo, these are Facebook ads.

I'll tell you right now, one thing that jumps out at me.

Okay.

From that page that we were just looking at people. People don't want 50 plus pages or anything. They just want. Yeah, they don't copy and paste right away to get the results they want.

Right. This is selling the features.

Proven Facebook post that sold more than $150,000 of high ticket offers. Whatever.

Yeah, exactly. Do you guys see what we're talking about? This is selling the features, the mechanism, which seems like a lot of work and kind of annoying. Nobody wants to do that. What they do want is that, yeah.

You know, the lower you can make the barrier to getting results, the better, the more compelling your offer is going to be and the better your copy is going to be.

Yeah. But this is his ads. That's the page. So let's see. I think it's gonna be good, but very confused. Yeah Lorenzo, if this is the guy's thing, give him that feedback. We got to fix this headline. I guarantee it'll make the opt ins better. Yeah. Is ad lead magnet Facebook group high ticket offer. It's a PDF containing all the Facebook produced posts. This is free, right? Yes, it is. So we should probably put that in the headline right? Or early on. What do you think, Mario?

Yeah, I would.

Yeah, anytime you have free. It's such a powerful thing. I would put that first.

Something about proven post that proven post that generate over 50 high ticket clients. I'm giving to you for free or like want. Want more high ticking clients? Want more high ticket clients? Well, there's. I have a series of proven posts that generate over 50 high ticket clients. Just a few months and I'm going to give them all of you for free. All the post. All the posts I use to grow whatever amount of money high ticket business and I'm going to give them all to you that you can copy and paste them in your own business in matter of minutes.

So I know that it's literally like so I document a whole journey in a free. I don't think people want the journey and they don't want eight months of your Facebook posts even if that's what you're giving them. Right. And telling them like doesn't matter, whatever. Let them figure that out when they get the thing and then it's too late. But I would make it actual templates if I was designing it. But I like telling them hey, we're going to give you eight months of Facebook posts. That's not interesting. But like literally if you say here's copy and post templates, you know, six figure copy and post templates that make it organic. No ads, no whatever I'm giving you for free. And then if you're telling them that it's free, you should also give a reason why it's free. I think you don't have to. I don't know Mario, what you think?

Yeah.

Yeah, that was convincing.

If you have a good. I'm trying to think like if you have a good. You have to come up with a good reason for why it's free then. So let's go give me a good reason why it's free. Look.

Think about it.

Giving it away for free because. Well, what is his actual. His high ticket clients? Like what does he use this in? Like what business for this Business right here. Like what was his business of him generating high ticket clients, Was it for to teach other people affiliates?

Enrolling affiliates into a high ticket program.

And he's teaching them to do that specifically or just to do any get clients for any high tech business?

Well it can work for any high ticket business really.

So the people. But the people that you're selling it to are only affiliates or you're selling it to anybody who has a high ticket business because that's what you gotta decide on.

Preferably affiliates.

But then does this ad even mention affiliates or no?

Well, because of compliance it doesn't. That's kind of the problem that I bump into.

So. So people that are actually. People that are actually reading this ad have no idea that they're only being sold something for affiliate marketing. So you're not, you're not going to be able to target.

It can be used for both affiliates and coaching.

Yeah, exactly. So then you could say like why am I giving this away for free? Well this is not like I'm actually used this in my business. I already have all the clients I want. I'm booked for months. So since I get asked for other people to help theirs, I figured I'd give you these templates so that you can build your business too.

Cool. What about the beginning of the ads which is very important, very first lines.

But you're not making a direct claim there. Right. Over 50 high ticket clients. I would just say like I've generated over 50 high ticket clients in the last few months using these simple Facebook posts. I'm going to give you all my best posts that you can copy and paste today for free. That's a much stronger offer to make right out of the gate.

Yeah. So it's shorter and more direct ad.

Yeah. If you're giving for free, for a free giveaway, you don't need like to be like dance around it. You just want to make the most compelling offer you can and leave with that right away. Because you're not asking them to spend any money.

Right.

You just like they're going to want. You have to. Your job is to really make that offer as clear as possible so that they can't misinterpret it and make it sure that it's something that they actually want. And if you actually have something of value to give them, you just want to, you don't want to have that buried in between like a long flowery egg. You just come out and make the offer.

Right.

So that's how I would do it.

Yeah.

Then you could talk about who it works for if you wanted to. Like if you wanted to target a little bit.

Is that helpful? It's super helpful. Yeah. So lead with the. I've generated XYZ and I'm giving it away for free to you. Right. This is what I'm doing and this is why I'm doing it.

Right. And you want to make. Make it clear that it's super easy for them to just implement your stuff. Like you're not. These ads are something that they can like basically implement right away. They could just like copy and paste these ads. They can apply it to any business they're working with to generate the best high ticket buyers in that market all through free social media post.

All right, cool. Okay, thanks very much.

You're welcome.

All right, now we got Claudio. He says he's not here and he gave us a cat meme. Sorry, I can't make it. So I guess. I guess we don't get feedback.

Well, we have to do it now, but from next time.

Well, there's nothing here. Right?

Oh, that's the only thing he has. No, I don't think that cat is going to convert anybody.

That's to a music school.

Doesn't even make a promise, bro. Do you even RNBC or what?

Okay. All right. This would be a templated email used for various clinics. Thank you. Okay. These are kind of confusing. A little long.

I like the wandering gene, but now I'm lost after that.

Yeah. People driven towards addiction with Navy seals explained. So it's like an addiction. Something with addiction.

But Navy seals are known for having like extreme discipline, not addiction. Right, Totally.

Like, I'll let you.

Let me see.

One thing. John Michael. I know because we talked about this before too. I still think more clarity. More clarity. Right.

Okay.

Piercing to the deafening noise of addiction takes a solid footing. Yet adaptability. Can we just say, you know, Actually you don't know what those things are. We have to find better names for them. But like keep it simple, you know? Okay. Clarity. Clarity is still. You have good ideas. It's just like the clarity.

I think the ones below it get a little bit.

Little bit better.

A little bit.

Because that's when I got the feedback again. And then I tightened them up. Maybe I don't know.

One thing Dom. Like that I see like along with the clarity, maybe this will make more sense. Is like. It's like there's like missing. You've gotten better at like being punchy and quick, but you were still missing parts of the copy. Like Some of the transitions aren't. Aren't clear, and that's what's messing up the clarity. So one younger sister relates, he always protected me. And so it's like, who, Who. Who are we talking about here? You know, one sister, like, we need the context of who. Who we're talking about and what's going on. And then we need a transition sentence to get to this idea. Okay. Then we need another transition to get them to this idea. Then we can talk about some of this stuff here. So we're missing. There's like, missing pieces of copy that I think we need. But let me. Let me keep going. Okay, Let me see.

Like, that whole email could just be like, here are two proven tips that help people break free from addiction. You don't need to, like, dance around it as much.

You know what I mean?

Okay.

Makes sense.

Makes sense.

For you. Like, before you write emails, I would just outline exactly what you want to say before you get into any writing.

Okay, that. That's very helpful because. Yeah, I'm always sure because I can.

See, like, you're a good writer and you like to throw, like, curiosity stuff in there, but then you get lost in the act of period.

In my own head and then.

Exactly. Okay, so what I want you to do is like, write, like, let's say you're writing an email, okay? Write like seven hyphens or whatever, one on each line. And then fill in the logical flow of what you want to say from the beginning of the email to the end. Make sure all those little bullet points make sense to you before you do any actual writing. And if that. If that flow right there, the outline is like, logical sense from opening to call to action. Then when you actually do your writing, you just make sure you stick to that outline and you have a little freedom to be, like, more creative with your language. But as long as you're not veering off the. The path of that one that you set up.

Okay, so basically make the structure with, like, bullets. Like, the quick bullets. I want to hit like, three. And then. And then make sure those pieces are there. And then essentially once that's down pat, then I can fill in the curiosity and, like, the words and all that stuff like that.

Exactly. You just want to make sure that the logical flow is there and clear. Like, so, like, you would start it. Like, my brother used to be my hero, so it pained me to see him, like, falling victim to addiction or whatever like that. And it's like, addiction affects everybody. It doesn't matter how strong you are. Even the strongest of us could be vulnerable to addiction. Right. It steals. So you. Ruins so many lives. It steals whatever. And then you. Then you can, like, segue into where you're going. You just want to make sure that that logical flow is there first before you get into the writing. There's a lot. A ton of writers get lost. Like, when you're actually trying to, like, flesh stuff out, people go on tangents and stuff. It's hard to see, like, if you don't have a clear path of where you're going, it's hard to, like, you could easily miss things that you need to make things make sense.

Yeah. And one. One thing that you'll develop as a writer is you'll develop your own process. So, for example, to, like, piggyback on what Mario was talking about, the thing that I normally do that I found works for me is I'll do, like, research and then I'll outline it. Okay. And once I have the outline in my head of what I want to write, then I'll just write without ego. Right. So I just flow and put every idea I'll have. Right. I'm not worried about following an outline. I'm not thinking about it. I'm just writing everything I can. I'm trying to just fill up the space. Then I'm going to go back down and reverse outline, slash, organize. Okay. This is just my personal process. I go through and I read it. And basically what I'm doing is I'm going to do a reverse outline. Okay. So sometimes it helps to just write out all your ideas without judgment, look at everything you wrote and organize that into bullets. This is sort of what Stefan was talking about, is in his email about emails. Right. So you go back and write it into bullets. So for instance, here it's like, you know, what did you write? Comes to understanding. We know what works. So people use sober secret to fix addiction. That's the first idea that we have. The next one is. It has two parts. One journaling, two reflection. Good. It helps you. And then here you can kind of look and be like, all right, well, is the idea actually going to be good to lead me towards a call to action? Right. People use a sober secret to fix addiction. It has two parts. One is journaling, one and two is reflection, and it helps you. Is that going to lead people to some sort of click? I don't think. I don't think it will. So I think we have to readjust some of the ideas around this one to get it.

I think it's three parts and have the third part be support. And then it sets up his thing better, right?

Yep. Three support. Okay.

That's what you're actually giving them.

So here's how to get support done. Now we have a solid idea, and we did. We can just look at it and be like, all right, does this make sense? Yeah, it does. But now we know exactly what we need to talk about. We don't have to, you know, we know exactly what we're trying to say. Okay. We want to fix addiction. You need to, you know, use this. The sober secret. Right. And then we got to ask, does it make sense to call it the sober secret here or just call it the three tips? Right. Three best ways to beat. You know, three scientifically proven ways to beat addiction. Right. Whatever. Regardless though, going back to this, I do my research and outline. Then I just write without ego. Then I do a reverse outline like this, and then I reorganize it and reflect on everything that I've already written. Okay. And I want to see if I need to add in any sort of pieces. Then I go back through, click through and edit each part. Okay. And then I just edit everything together all at once. So what this allows me to do is like do my research, create my outline. I can write without ego. Then I can make sure that the structure is, is down first. Then I can go back and focus on making the language and the elements stronger. And then I can just edit everything else for flow. Yeah. Writing without ego should be a call in itself. Exactly. I don't know, John Michael was that helpful?

Totally, totally. And so just, just to re. So I can refocus on that. So like editing the chunks. So like when you look at like the, the lead section or the pig statement, the intro, you're specifically looking for certain things that are going to make that stronger all the way through to your call to action. And then you go through and do a big overhaul on the whole thing. More as a flow based edit type.

That's. That's what I like. That's what I like to do. Again, everyone has their own journey. But my thing is like when I write without ego, I don't want to be sitting there thinking about every little micro detail, my copy. I just want to make sure I get all my ideas out on paper and everything is together. I also don't want to have to put my proof in. So I actually have a couple other stages where I'll edit each part and then I'll go in and I'll add In all my proof. Right. Each proof and all my different elements and everything else. And then I'll edit it all together so it has a flow. And then four says you edit as you go along or wait until you finish your complete draft. I like to just do it in cycles. I know Mario just, like, writes it from the beget. So everyone has their own process. Yeah, but you got to develop that process. But I feel like breaking it down so that it's like I'm using my emotions and then I'm using my logical brain. And then know I can blend those together more seamlessly without having to switch back and forth.

Okay, thank you.

Yes. Good work. Okay, Michael. We target chiropractors, physical therapists, massage therapists. Biggest question we get about Call Hero is that they don't understand what Call Hero does. And they talk to sales and how it works after they give out their credit card. So I was wondering if you give some tips on positioning it better. Basically, it lets clinic owners know how the front desk is performing on the phones. Like answer rate, booking rate, and win back rate. All right.

Oh, we're looking at the actual page, Right.

Let's see.

We handle only. Sweet. What is the virtual receptionist, though? You should probably have a demo on this page explaining what it does.

So this is the virtual receptionist here.

So they actually take the calls for them instead of.

This is confusing about it. It seems like they're analyzing it using call recording, actually. Yeah. Let's go back and figure it out. It lets clinic owners know how their front desk is performing on the phone. But the virtual receptionist is confusing.

That's the confusing part.

It's like, are you getting. Are you giving them that, or are you, like, analyzing their calls and telling them what they could fix?

Right there. There's like, two different offers on the same page.

Yeah. And.

Call recording.

I think it's. It does everything. And virtual receptionist optional and not required. Right. So I wouldn't even put that on this page. Unless that's what they really want. Like, if they want. If they. If most people want just someone to do it for them, I wouldn't put it on this page. I would kind of upsell that as a service. But if it's like the analytics that you're providing with the software, then I just talk about that, because I feel like that's going to confuse people. And then this is a cool thing, too. But I feel like.

That's a good question for us. Like, you can literally talk about how some people let their best patients, like, fall through the Cracks because of the way they're. The way people in their office, like, handle the calls and stuff.

Yeah. I'd also make your CTA a different color because it doesn't really stand out. Right. It's almost the same color as this blends in. I'd make it like a yellow or something. And then I put a demo of. If we have a demo video, I think that'll do a lot. Right, right. And then you can put the testimonial.

You can have. And like, what I would do is.

I would put a demo here, and then I would put a text testimonial down here. That's really powerful. And then I stack your different testimonials together later down here. Video testimonial. But it's like, when they come on this page, if the biggest confusion is they don't understand what's happening, give them a video that explains what's happening. They don't need to. They don't need proof if they don't know what you're proving, you know, and make this a different color and convert more colors into patients for less. What I would talk about, I would talk about, like, AI basically, or like machine learning analytics, that instead of talking about call recording platform and virtual receptionist, I don't know, Mario, you think about.

That, and what you want to do is you want to have a testimonial right out of the gate talking about what they just said in their description to us. So go back to that Genesis page real quick. He said most clinic owners think that their staff is already doing a good job on the phone. So you want to talk about how, like, I thought my staff was doing a good job on the phone. I never believe, I never would have guessed that 30 of our patients were, like, falling through the cracks because of this. Until I use call Hero. Like, if that's the main objection that people are going to have is that they think that they don't need to want to take somebody who's in the market who had that same objection and answer that right away.

Yeah, agreed. And, yeah, if you put a video here that explains it, and then you put that testimonial that hits that point. I think that that's solid. That's what is is identifying, holding your phone and plugging them up. I feel like this could be clear. You agree, Mario?

Yeah, definitely.

I mean, and I guess I would be clear that you basically have. You have answer rates, book rates, and what was the third one? Win back rate. Like, those are the three things that you need to Boost. Right. So I like here. That's what I'd be talking about. I don't know if you need copy that explains these are the three things to focus on. Or you just have different sections that talk about like, here's the. The answer rate, booking rate and win back rate. Right. And basically everything depends on those. And if you can boost those by this many percent, then everything stacks up, which is kind of what you have down here. But it's not super. This is not a super clear graphic.

Yeah, you want to like point that out directly in the copy and then have them play with the calculator. Because that's powerful.

Yeah, yeah, this is super powerful. It just needs to be clear. And we need some copy above that explains how to actually use it. And. But then here I would just really lean into like the three rates. If you can fix each one of these, you can boost. How much revenue can you boost? Right now you check out the calculator above. And then I wouldn't talk about the virtual receptionist or this one yet. You could maybe talk about them later down below. Yeah, you have all of these. This is pretty cool. Also creating. Making the thumbnail a little bit stronger. Like you have extra room in this thumbnail for more copy. I put like a red banner on all of these thumbnails that give context on who this person. Like, I know we have them down here.

You don't really need to click here to play either. That's wasting room if you have the play button.

Right?

Yeah. But you can put. Yeah, so you can put a banner of copy like we did. This is modeled after that. Modern Millionaires. Let me see if I have it. So like, this thumbnail here is like, former instacart driver makes $10,000 a month. There's literally no way to fail if you follow this course and believe in yourself. This is not the perfect. Like, I designed this so it looks shitty for a reason.

You don't even have to watch the video.

Yeah, most people are not going to watch the video, but you have a whole story. Former Instacart driver now makes this and then she's giving her quote. You can do the same thing here, giving context on who these people are or where they're from. I think there's. There's some missed things there. Again, cta, different color. That's what I would talk about. So convert more callers into patients for less. If we could add more, I don't think we need a whole lot of specificity because it's more of like a Branded landing page. But if there's a way to add more specific promise, that'd be solid. Instead of talking about this, I talk about using some sort of, like, AI system. And I'd give it a name, make the CTA a different color. I'd make this a demo video that explains really clearly what's going on.

And converting more callers into patients for less. Like he's saying, he's telling us that they don't think they have that problem. So you should probably point out the problem of all the, like, lost patients that they're missing out on.

True. Most, like, most blah, blah, are missing out on this percent or this amount of revenue or something like that. That's a. That's a good point. Yeah. Putting the demo here, putting a testimonial like he said. And then I would lean into this section talking about the three different types of rates. And then how. How. How it helps boost those. To boost those, I get rid of this. Or just put it, like, way lower. This is fine. Like, I. You could actually just keep this. This is kind of hard to read. Like, I wouldn't even read this. I don't really. It's just hard to read. I don't know what you're saying. This is cool. We just need copy explaining how to use it. I feel like that'll make a big difference. Okay. Is my background noise a lot?

It's picking up. Yeah, but it's not, like, frequent.

It gets, like, really annoying. Let me know. I don't know why people are here in this public space. What gives them the right? This is my public space. Okay.

Who it is?

We're gonna be brutal. Who wrote this?

Oh, my gosh. That's not bad.

Yeah, that's great. Forest. You wrote this? Whoa. Right?

Came out swinging. Pent up years of staying in student mode. He was ready to unleash.

Okay.

Oh, he's a Texans fan. That's why he's frustrated. Okay.

Getting their butt kicked again.

I would. I'd probably start with that dog line.

So you work. Cool. So the thing is, like, it's good. Like, a lot of the writing and copy is good. But remember what the purpose of the email is, right? The email is not supposed to be selling it. Like, all of this is cool for a sales page, but you just want to bring them here, Right. And you want to make sure that it's. It's congruent so that when they get here, they already kind of know what to expect and they're not like, oh, what the. There's a wolf now. Right. Because here we're talking about the fountain of youth but we're not talking about the wolf's the wolf secret. So they're going to click here and be like oh I'm going to discover the fountain of youth. And it's like ah, wolf secret. Some cases it probably worked but like I don't know. So I think it needs to be shorter. First of all, even though the writing.

Is fun, the emotions are good.

Yeah, the emotions are excellent. Should be shorter. Like I think we could just reorganize it where it's like.

That's that would I make that opening line right there.

I like the idea of that.

Just so that they know like this is going out to pet owners.

Yeah. And I like the subject line. The only problem is the when you're sending it to people it's like we're sending it probably to general helpless not like necessarily dog owner lifts. It's just not clear who is who this is for.

Right.

You'll get curiosity clicks but you want to make sure that you're getting people who have some weight. So like you can use the from name for this but I think we could make it like. Something. You could play around with that but something that put dog in there would be better. I'm gonna kill that dog is you know there I was blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah. When my wife came out yelling top of her lungs, you know that my dog I just, you know, whatever all over her 1100 dollars Snow White something. She gave me choice, either her or the dog. Truthfully I wanted the dog. Just kidding. But you could put something here like you know she gave me an ultimatum. So I had to discuss cover solution. Luckily came across this.

Tell them we gotta tell them to shut the up. Hornis is trying to get back.

Yes.

There you go. Veterinarian backed wolf got data I had to discover exactly like you just have to condense it a little more to get the. We just don't want the email to go on too long because the only point of the email is when your job with the email is not to do the actual selling. You're trying to just get them to the sales page and let that do the selling for you. So it's great to have that like emotional catalyst in the beginning and you want to transfer from that emotion over to the solution as quickly as possible. So I think we're like yeah, the storytelling is really good and the writing is really good. I think you want to like shoot for like like 200 words max on these. Like these common emails.

Just make a little sense. Like this is, you know, you could add in a couple lines, but like that's the length I'd probably be going for, you know, which is like probably like 150 words, I think.

Yeah.

200 words versus this is like 550, I think. Yeah, but the storytelling is good.

It's actually a really good, like lead idea too.

Yeah, exactly. And then the other thing is like, I like rules of. I like use the rule of three. So like here we're giving all these different examples. That's cool. But if you're going to do that, put it in bullets so people can just skim through it. Otherwise, just use three examples. Three of your best ones. I didn't know how to do bullets on Word Ramen on Google Docs. Just click that, do a shift, and then hit the number eight, the asterisks like that and then boom. Ah, that's. Okay, great. Thank you. Yeah, you can also use this, this feature up here. So if you see this little bullet thing. Okay. Oh, yeah. Can even put arrows at that. Yeah, I was looking for that. I just couldn't. No, that's. No, that's good.

Have the fanciest bullets of everybody stars.

Smiley faces.

Faces on his page.

And then, you know, I would under keep this whole thing kind of underlined. And. And you want to make sure it's congruent. Right. With the wolf secret. Yeah.

Use this wolf secret to fix your dog's digestive problems.

Yeah.

Or even. Yeah, even. That was good. Use this seven.

Yeah. Would you put click here next to that? I don't think you need it. Some people who say, like, don't tell, like, people don't like to be told. Click here. Stuff like that. I don't know if that's true. I mean, I trust the person who told me that. I don't know how true it is, but still, I just like, I wouldn't use learn. I'd just be like, discover, see, use this, try this, etc. Click here is not the end of the world, but I usually don't use it.

You can even put those arrows in front of use to make it like more obvious that they gotta click some. I do that on Facebook, guys, a lot. Yeah, there you go.

Makes sense. Yes. Yeah, that's. Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. I. I like how it's so much shorter. The other email was, when I wrote it, I thought, well, it's kind of long winded, right? Yeah.

It's just. It's just a formatting thing. Like, for the format, you want to keep the, like, emails, like click baby emails would need to be, like, shorter, but the writing is actually really good.

So, yeah, for emails, try to keep. Try to. Again, there's no hard and fast rules, but try to challenge yourself to keep it under 150 words and go and go from there. And what you'll see is like, all we did was we took everything you already have. Right. All the copy is already here. And we just cut out some of the interesting pieces. Got faster. Okay, perfect. Thanks, guys. Welcome. You have 54 seconds. Anything else you want to say? Any last words? Last words? No, that's good. Thanks, guys. I appreciate it. All right. All right, who we got next? Amy? Here we go. This page needs work here too, at pitchermon, helping them with this.

Yeah, I've just started working with them recently, so.

Nice. Okay, so basically they. They just. They give these to you or they build.

Well, they. They say that again.

These are like pre. Pre built or they build out.

They. So they build out camper vans for people, but it's kind of a full service thing. They have one layout which is a little different from other services like this, but they buy the van for. They have the vans. So you would choose your van from this fleet that they have. They can put four wheel drive on them, and then they have this one layout that can be slightly customized with like, different cushion colors, different, like, countertop materials, but it's pretty much this. And they market towards rugged outdoors people, so it's less luxury, more like families getting out or retirees trying to get more outdoors. A simple, like, weekender travel van.

That's dope.

So these aren't. These aren't like people living. These aren't necessarily marketed toward people wanting to live full time in their van. It's more weekend warriors.

They look pretty luxury, though. They look pretty sick.

Yeah, I kind of want one. Yeah. But this page needs a lot of work if you made this page awesome for them.

Yeah, well, I think they're actually redesigning the page so I can. That might be something I pitch them as we move forward.

You could definitely make, like, some cool, like, identity level promises on that page too. Like, you have it for a specific person. You want to call that out and not just, like, send people to a big list of, like, features and benefits.

So they actually have three kind of mark three types of people that tend to purchase from them. How would y' all address that on a page? Because it's like retirees, fans, young families and then like couples that have dual income that are maybe going to have a family.

Do they all. They pitch them all on the same product or they have like different models for.

No, it's pretty much that. That one layout. They also have a sister company that they rent the same layout, have vans with the same layout. So that is. They can kind of get people to buy from them because they get to test drive essentially these vans, which is a pretty unique selling point. But it's. It's pretty much the same. I think that the market has similar ideas of what they want to do. But as you can imagine, a retiree couple is a very different experience than a family that has two young kids.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So if there was any like customization because that'd be really cool to do like a quiz funnel and then takes them to like this.

Yeah.

I.

They've kind of narrow. They used to have multiple layouts. Now they've narrowed it down to the one because through their rental fleet they pretty much had this one that everybody loved that was constantly being rented out. So they've simplified that. But they can they turn these vans around in like four weeks, which is pretty fast.

Yeah, that's cool.

Yeah. I mean this is. This is not copy wise but I mean if you have the ability to rent to. I don't know, it'd be interesting to like let people test drive them, you know, for some like discounted rate. Like Test drive this for 99 or something like that.

And one of the emails I actually touch on that because their sister company is campervan rentals. I actually kind of point that out as like this is different than other. You're not just renting a camper van. You're renting exactly the top the layout that you would put purchase for them to build. So you get to. You get to see what it feels like in that space. Whether that works for you. And I. I believe that it goes. They get that. That off of their. If they decide to have the company build out for them, their rental money gets put toward the build.

Okay.

Also they have their first an email that'll go out at the same time as that first welcome email has the lead magnet magnet which is a like free membership or percentage off of a membership. That's like a overlanding type app. I don't know if y' all are familiar with overlanding, but just like maps and stuff like that of places you can go camping and whatnot.

I like that email.

What was this kind of interesting to me, the. The Swiss army knife of camper vans, like, even as a subject line, I think that's interesting.

That is a good subject line.

Yeah. So just to note, one of their selling points is a lot of their customers actually use these vans as everyday drivers as well. So they're really multifunctional because of the simple build and the open layout to them that can be driven as an everyday vehicle. So you're not just investing in a separate camper, you're potentially investing in a vehicle as well that you can use on a daily basis.

The everyday vehicle you won't want to get out of. Like, it's so comfortable that you can live in it. Right.

The other thing is, like, even though they know, Like, I feel like even though they might, they probably know what the revolver is, if they're like on the, like, how do you get there? How do you get their email?

Test drive the camper.

I think, I think that it's fairly local type business, so it's mostly going to be people nearby. And I don't know that they're running any ads or anything like that. So it would just be people looking for vans in the area or looking for builders in this region.

That way I wouldn't assume that they know like what Revolver or access vehicle outfitters are, you know, like.

Yeah, even if they do know, they could probably like, forget.

They could forget. So, like here, instead of saying, want to take the revolver for a test drive? I'd be like, you know, test drive your dream camper free. You have to, you have to massage it by saying like, you know, you know, yeah, we get it. Like, yeah, we get it. An investment, you know, a camper is a big investment, which is why we partner with our sister company to let you test drive it. So you can. And then paint those three scenarios if you have those three avatars. Beautiful, right? Paint those three scenarios here. You know, if you decide to blah, blah, blah the camper. Most people do winky face, you know, they'll credit it to your part. They should really just let them charge it for like some discounted rate. They should let them do it for free or like 99 flat rate or something like that.

Yeah.

To your purchase. Yeah.

No, that's great.

I actually.

That's great. I was struggling a little bit with how to. To. To pitch that angle eloquently.

Yeah. So look, all I did, like, again, it comes back to beats. What are you saying? What are you saying here? It's a big investment, right. That's all that this Line. These lines are saying, so you just. All you have to. So this is why the reverse outline is really powerful. And we're developing a new training. More training for everybody. You get a training. You get a training email. Melodies. Training. It's coming. It's coming soon. We know you have a lot of questions, uncertainties, and some questions gonna be answered through experience. Like this line does it. We don't need this. Right. Sort of. Is Camperden worth. Will it actually be better? Like, all you're really saying is, we get it, It's a big investment. Which is what I put here. We get it. A camper is a big investment. Make it shorter, punchier. So like, one of the tricks I use is like the exasperated. The exasperated copywriter. Okay, go ahead and like, if you reverse outline everything and then you're just like, I'm pissed and I don't want to write this email and just like, say it in the most direct way possible. We get it. It's a big investment. That's why you can partner with our sister company, Romerica. They let you test drive the van. Right. Best of all, when you test drive it, they'll credit it to your purchase. Click here to test drive it. Right. Exasperated, but honestly, the puncher. The email is. It'll probably do better.

He basically tries to turn into me when he writes copy now, is what he's saying.

I like the way of thinking about it. The exasperated writer. That. That definitely helps.

Yeah. Because all your. Right. All your copy is right. Structurally. It's just. I think you're. You're taking more time to say things than you than you need to. Right. Luckily, you can test drive with America.

That's why. Yeah, that's why I do into beats before you write. Any actual, like, fleshed out copy is. Makes such a difference.

Yeah, but sometimes. Sometimes you need to write it first to just get all your ideas out and then you reverse it. Not everyone's perfect like Mario, but we try.

I've been in this 10 years, so.

Yeah, I know we didn't hit all of them, but was that helpful?

Yeah, super helpful. Thanks.

I like this one. I like that one. Don't assume they know what the bands are calling campers and stuff like that.

Yeah. Awesome. Thanks, guys.

You're welcome.

Foreign.

Here we go, Steepe. All right. I didn't forget about you, Steve. I want to respond to your message as well. I just been thinking about it. Okay. This is a sample Black Friday promotion email for some guy from one of the Facebook groups. I used a random site in this example, that's why the link takes you to a blog landing page. Then I push the random site, too. And I know for a fact that doesn't work, even though I know and I think it's not terrible. So I'd like you to obliterate it. Be ruthless.

Steve. A wrote when he was arguing with, like, a fake Stefan, inner Stefan.

Yes, it was funny. Yes, it was funny. I liked it a lot. I just know Stefan. Stefan is just very busy and he'll just. If he doesn't get it right away, he's just like, all right, you have.

To share that one with the group, Steve. I think everyone will enjoy that very much because I was dying.

Okay, subject lines. We're sending them to holiday recipes.

There is basically zero research behind that. I just picked a random category from her blog and used the. The main keyword as a selling point.

Okay. If it's a Black Friday email, there should probably be sale or discount in the subject line. You agree? All right.

Yeah.

Does that hurt the thing when they go to promotion and spam?

I mean, you can find ways around it. Like, it depends on what you say and. Depends on. Depends on a lot of factors. Right. It depends on your reputation. Depends on whatever pool you're part of. Depends on your esp.

You don't have to say free anyway.

You just be like, yeah, I mean, but you can put a sale.

Or Black Friday gourmet recipes, Black Friday savings. Yeah. Stuff like that.

Yeah.

Because everybody else is going to be doing that. So if you're the only one who's not giving a sale, you're probably getting weeded out. Like, Black Friday gets so competitive.

Makes sense.

Okay. I don't like the word learn in general.

Not about learning the secrets. Right. It's about stealing her recipes. Right. You don't have to be a great cook.

Yeah. Learn is the process. Stealing is like the instant.

Like, they. These people don't give a about being a good cook. They want to just impress their family and friends, whoever they're cooking for. Right. It's like, I do a million things in a day. I have 20 minutes to put together this meal. I want everyone to think that I spent six hours preparing this stuff. Like, I'm going to Ramsey myself.

Right? Yeah, that and I did some work with Paleo hacks. One of the biggest things that they have is, like, time. Like, time is the biggest, biggest thing. Women here. So if you could put. If you could talk about time. So it's like time and then it's also about like impressing your. Impressing people. You have those emotions. And.

Do they send plain text emails? Because if you could use pictures of some of like the best recipes, like a lot of the Paleo hack that works is basically just like food porn. They just hit you with like a million delicious looking things and tell you like, you can make this, this and this and it's good for you.

Yeah. But they're like super funny to write for. Let me see if I can find it. Some other stuff. Yeah, I don't know. I'm not on their list right now, but. I guess, I guess. So there's. There's two things. It's like, well, there's three things. It's like Black Friday sale savings. So you lean into that. It's save time and it's this delicious recipe secret thing. Those are sort of the three ones that you want to hit. You can hit all those, those points, but you want to center your. I would send you your email around each one of these, you know, so like.

She's selling the recipe book.

I think you just picked a random blog.

Oh, you just picked this. Okay. Yeah.

And the guy for whom the sample was has some video where chefs teach how to cook. And he probably got like a bunch of those emails and never responded to anyone.

So. Fuck. I like the fact it just says Jewish up here.

She's Jewish and it's everywhere on her site.

It's crazy.

Obviously makes difference in cooking.

I mean, it's harder because we're not Ashkenazi recipes. Nice.

I see some drinks there too.

I shouldn't copy. Like, how many photos is too much in the email?

One, I think.

Yeah, one. One really good one.

Yeah. I also feel like. It's kind of attacking their identity. Like.

Yeah, you're a bad chef. Yeah.

Yeah. And I feel like women, I don't know, my thing is like, if they, if they identify as being a good cook, then they're not going to resonate with this. Even though they might be interested in a quick secret, you know, recipe that takes this fast and it's actually good for you. So you're alienating those women. And then there's women who are like, they're like, oh, yeah, I know I'm not a good chef. I just want to do it fast. Right. I don't really care. I just want to make something that people like, you know, so it's like they don't need their cooking skills. I don't know. I might be wrong on that.

Yeah, you don't want. You don't want this to depend on their cooking skills. That's the thing you want them to be. Give them the gift of being thought of as a great cook, whether they're good or not. Like, maybe, maybe you just don't have time to. To prepare your best meal. Or maybe you can't even cook anything. Like, either way, we're going to make you look like a star. Just steal these recipes.

Like this world famous, you know, I don't know, something like you could, you could center it around like this pumpkin pie recipe, you know, did something and then it's like, whatever. You can talk about how great the pumpkin pie is, show a picture and be like, oh, best of all, it only takes one minute. Or, you know, probably not one minute, but it only takes this much time. Right. Even if you have no skill, it's going to do, blah, blah, blah.

That's the best pumpkin pie I ever tasted. My.

Yeah, a lot of these. I mean, for these, it's like lean on a specific food type. So I put that also here. Like lean on one specific food that people like that's very savory, like chocolate, blah, blah, blah. I might also do. If it's Black Friday, I might also do my. Well, it's a Black Friday, so. Yeah.

Going out on Black Friday, though. Well, it doesn't matter. This is not even real. Right. We're just. So we could send it out like ahead of time.

Yeah. In which case you have to, you, you would play around with like pretty Black Friday or something like that. And then, you know, a big one is like Turkey, right. Like 15 of the most delicious turkey recipes we've ever seen. Right. Fifteen delicious turkey recipes that take less than I take less than one hour each.

My mother in law laughed when I brought out that big pumpkin, but when.

She took a bite, she took a bite. Yeah. Was that helpful? Stephen.

What you said made total sense. I kind of missed both groups. Those who are good chefs and those who are bad chefs. I left holes in both sides, so I should have picked one. So thank you very much.

You can make it like, you could hint at them not having to be a good chef without having to like, make them feel bad about it. Like, it's in their mind. They probably want to think of themselves like, oh, yeah, if I had the time to sit around and cook all day, I'd be good too. Right. But you have a million other things to do. So you take the blame off their. Take the blame away from them.

I think that's my problem in general. I kind of Tell people that they're stupid in the country and that probably.

No, no.

Really.

So I need to tone that down.

You want to like. Yeah.

You want to do the opposite. You want to start flattering people?

People love honest with them.

Right?

Start lying. You gotta lie some more. No. Flattery goes a long, long ways.

Okay.

All right, Good. Shaheed, Here we go. I wrote this as a rookie who had never been trained on how to write a sales letter. I didn't even know how to swipe sales letters. I watched YouTube video, gave me a format, and then got writing. Good. I like the initiative. I did all the research and the writing on the same day because the client wanted quick turnaround time. Brilliant. This is going to be. I could tell that you're set up for success. No training one day. Let's go. But I love. I love the. The initiative. Let's see. I want to show you guys my first sales letter ever too. It's so horrible. I'm gonna find it. Okay. Warning. Don't read this. If you're not interested in boosting.

We gotta fix some formatting things.

Top writing train. Just not sales letter. Okay. Not interesting. I mean, right away. Like, it's probably too sensational. You know, we got exclamation points. And if we're talking to professionals, know.

Yeah, it's gonna look spammy. Like in general.

Yeah, it looks spammy. This is just. Mario, what's your take on this? Because I was giving feedback to somebody on this. I think Tamara, actually, I don't know if she's still here, where it's like you want to use technical language to make them feel like you're in. But even if it is like a smart audience, like these people, you still. You don't. You don't need to use all these huge words.

You know, you want to throw them like a little bait every now and then, like to let them know, understand their language. We don't want to keep, like hammering them over the head with their language because at the end of the day, there's still people who want. Who don't. They don't want. If they're dealing with all that, like talking like this all freaking day long, they're probably exhausted by the time they do it.

Exactly. They want simple language. And if you just throw in a few buzzwords season to taste, so they know that you know what you're talking about. But how do you prove the long term survivability?

So what are we actually promising here? Like, in simple terms?

So basically, in simple terms, it's saving you money on your taxes, basically. Like, like figuring out ways in which your business is wasting money, Leaking money, spending too much money on certain things so that like you have more money to spend on other things. It's basically like identifying ways in which you're wasting money through taxes, through expenses, through whatever. But that's basically. Yeah, that's, that's basically what the services.

And who, who is it specifically?

They were called agf Business Consulting. I can't remember right now.

What? No, but this is, this is to, this is to. Who is the audience?

Oh, the audience is any business, any small business.

But it says medical practice, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry. Any medical practice specifically. I think this is. That would, that's what this was targeted as.

What are they? How would they identify themselves?

Let me check quickly. I think I do explain it low down into. So I wrote this a year ago. I'm just trying to remember.

No worries. So you, you have a couple options either. So you're basically saying we're going to boost profits, right? Like boost profits by 40%. That's your promise, right?

Without needing to bring in a single new patient too. That's pretty good, right?

Without meeting, without bringing in, without a single new patient. Okay, so like, basically when I'm looking at this, first thing is like, want to make sure we're calling out the audience, which you kind of do up here. But I would just do like maybe like, you know, attention, like whatever in the eyebrow, maybe something like that. All right, now this is not the best headline in the world, but the whole idea is like we're giving a very simple benefit, very simple promise. I don't like 40, because even that sort of abstract boosts profits. But it's a lot better than improving long term survivability of your business, right? This is a more straightforward benefit, but I still think we make it stronger. And then your option is how are you going to do that? If you're listing all these different things? It's too much for people to process. So either you need to bundle all of these into one simple process or system, right? Like the, I don't know, the something, something system. You have to figure it out, right? You could bundle all those together or you could talk about, you know, the four ways, you know, four ways to do this. That's not my favorite because I think it's better to have one promise or you just pick the one that's most interesting, which might be like federal tax incentives, which you could call like a, you know, tax legal loophole. Again, legal loophole has been done a lot with a market like this that's not very sophisticated. It'd probably be okay with some massaging, but that's where I would focus on.

You have a federal thing there.

So.

You can make it like a new government thing like we do, and solar all the time.

So basically, like, you guys spoke about the big idea the other day. So basically, take all these methods and give it one big idea name.

Right. Like, you have, you know, the promise that you have is boosting profits by 40%. So what. What is going to actually deliver the promise for them? They don't want like a bunch of disjointed, disconnected tips. Right. They want, like, you to come in, implement one thing that ideally you give like a name to so it sounds like something legit and that. That one process is going to get them the results that you promise.

Yes. Something like using our golden system. I mean, that's not a good one. Or like the AGF golden system.

Yeah, that's a good example. Right? Exactly.

Yeah, it's a good example.

We can make it stronger, but that's by reducing costs.

Yeah. Also, you're formatting. This is weird. If you turn this into a client, they're going to judge you based on the fact that we have extra spaces here. Right. Like, here we have two spaces. Here we have one space. This should be.

It makes it look like you copy and pasted shit from like a bunch of different documents.

It just doesn't look. It doesn't look good to look at. Like, make the formatting cleaner.

Yeah.

And consistent. Consistent spacing. This shouldn't be gray, it should be black. Same font. Yeah. Make it look a little more professional. I know you wrote this a year ago, but.

The writing doesn't look bad enough from what I've seen.

No, it doesn't. I wouldn't start with something like, be honest. Because again, especially if you're dealing with professionals, like, a lot of.

They don't even know you and you're already telling them to be honest.

Be honest. Yeah.

Firstly, if you're talking about taxes and they're thinking you're getting like, audited or something.

Yeah.

When I tell you a federal loophole that's going to help you eliminate your taxes. Be honest. Do you even pay your taxes last year? It's like. It's like accusatory.

Yeah. Good. So obviously we can't go through line by line, but hopefully. Does that make sense? Is that helpful?

But I think, like, the fact that you got that big idea concept Already. You're gonna do good.

Yeah, definitely. We're gonna take you to become the copywriting man. No more shall you be the copyrighted.

Kid you're gonna be.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's the copywriting man. This was super helpful.

Thank you.

This time next year, you're going to be teaching everyone Shahid's golden copywriting system.

Yeah.

To boost their.

Yeah. Go through copy puberty. You'll be set. All right.

It'd be like Karate Kid, but, like the copywriting roster. It'll be like the whole graduation.

Yeah.

Yep. That's Genesis for you. It's the beginning. So who's next? Forest again? Student Forest. He submits one from every face that he passes.

Okay, we got Ivan. This is a VSL as part of a quiz funnel. I'm writing for the law of Attraction niche. Love it. It's going to be translated into Romanian, so there may be some awkward word choices. I may just make it sound simple. Fair. Quiz features questions that ask them what their prayer block is that is blocking their prayers from being answered. It's a documentary type BSL that has the God's law and your personal God connection. The VSL sells a book. The ump is that you keep breaking these laws even if you go to church, live like a saint.

So it's like Christian law of attraction.

Yeah. So basically this client is like, selling a book on, like, basically the law of attraction and the, you know, the universal laws, which here we. We rename them as God's laws. And the idea is, since Romania is the most religious country in Europe, like, we don't want to, you know, go straight into, like, law attraction. We kind of want to connect that with, you know, their traction. Traditional beliefs, but kind of like.

Got it.

Yeah.

So everyone there, though, is basically the same religion, right?

Yeah, mostly like, Christian Orthodox Christians. Yeah.

If you tell them this right away, you gotta ease their anxiety a little more after you broke one of God's laws. And I know that sounds scary, but it's okay. Most people broke. Most people have broken one of these laws without even knowing. Right. And when it manifests in a blocked prayer. But luckily you arrived to this minute. In the next five minutes, I'm gonna show you how to break this prayer block once for all. And you realize how you can achieve exactly what you wish for. So massage a little bit of that.

Yeah. You want to make it, like, not something that they did wrong.

I like that. Like, you broke one of God's laws. It's like, oh, but then you need to, like, you need to bring them back so they're not scared. You can't just be like, you broke one of God's laws and then just leave them there. They'd be like, what? Okay.

Yeah, that's pretty difficult for me to write. I know I'm like, not the most religious person.

So where are you from?

I'm from Macedonia. It's like the Balkans.

Yeah. My other question is, like, because whenever you bring God into it. So let's, let's ask what religion. I know that's not really how you. That's not a real question, but Christianity. Romanian Orthodox Christians.

All right, 80.

So, yeah, so the thing is, like, who is the authority figure here? If you're talking about it? Like.

Is the church, right. The priests?

Yeah. So if you're. The thing is, like, because I was raised as Christian, not as a Romanian Orthodox, but, like, archbishop, they're going to want to know who. If, if someone. I imagine if it's an Orthodox community, the way that a lot of people are trained is like. Like, for example, if you're a fundamentalist, you believe that the Bible is the authority. So you can just lean on saying, here's something in the Bible that you never saw before. But for a lot of Orthodox people and Catholic, the authority is in the hierarchy. So it needs. So they're not going to accept a truth about the Bible or about God unless it comes from an authority figure. That's my. I don't know, 100, because I haven't done research, but that's my intuition. So you got to make sure that there's. That's clear, you know.

Yeah, yeah, makes sense. Even the client said that.

So, yeah, if that's the case, then you could find like a quote from Daniel the first or whatever, the guy who's leading them now.

So, yeah, the.

The big, big idea here is, like, I watched this documentary and, like, it's well researched. There are these gnostic gospels there. Some consider them the missing scriptures from the Bible. You know, there's the Gospel of Thomas, the Gospel of Mary Magdalene, the Gospel of Peter. And I kind of am trying to tie that in with the law of attraction. Right. Because in those gospels, they say something different. So the. You'd have to read this to, you know, have the context. But the emperor, like, in the 4th century, he kind of banned some scriptures, and he only choose those that serve him. You know, I'm going for kind of attack the enemy kind of angle. Yeah.

The problem. The problem is, like, you're undermining a really key, most Christians don't believe in the gnostic text. Again, I don't know about Romanian Christians. If they're sort of like, if they're sort of like quasi, they're not super serious about it. They might be interested and you'll get some of the people. But a lot of the people are gonna be like, oh, it's not canonical. Like, so if, if you were able to rephrase this by saying these were scriptures that were originally in the canonical texts, but they got left out. But if you're basically trying to say, you know, the Council of Nicaea was some conspiracy against you, that's a big burden of. You need a huge burden of proof. Right, Right. Because, like, that's fundamental. Some people are interested, some people, like, if this was a to a complete. Again, I don't know, I have to think about it. Because if it's to a completely like spiritual law of attraction audience, you could talk about this stuff because they don't have any investment. But if they're invested in Christianity and believe it, you're asking them to do a lot.

You want to make it lost by like accident versus like some conspiracy thing. Right? Like these things.

Not. I actually just ripped this from the Discovery Channel documentary. It was like, it was real. Like this actually happened. But it's controversial because some people think that those, like, texts were written by, you know. You know, it's like heresy.

It's like.

But some people, like believe that they were, you know, really written by the apostles. Right.

So the thing is you're hinging everything on whether or not they believe that, you know, and I'm not saying that you can't convince them of it. I'm just saying it's a risk. And is it nest. Is it a necessary risk to take?

Yeah.

Which I know sucks because you already, you already wrote a lot. I personally wouldn't, wouldn't do that unless I was 100 certain I could. I could convince them or they weren't that serious.

But if he has it written though, they could test it. Yeah, you just tell the client, like, this might be risky, but if it works, it's going to work really well.

So, like test that.

We'll do something safer too, like tone it down. But what if it works and then we, like, I don't want to cut it if it, if they're happy to test it.

Yeah, that's true.

That's true.

Yeah. So basically he talks about in the book and he ran some previous VSLs with kind of this kind of like a angle, like the you know, the law of attraction, like, God is not like some old guy above, like, judging your every, like, move, but he's actually inside you. And that did really well. So I don't know, like, if they're open.

So they are open to, like, challenging the traditional.

Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, one, one idea I might. One idea I might put. Sorry not to cut you off, but one idea I might put in there that I think is powerful is like, most people only know about the four gospels. The Gospel of Mark, Matthew, Luke and John. These were, these were four of the 12 disciples. But what about the other eight disciples, right? After all, Jesus commissioned everybody to go out and spread the word of God, right? So does it make sense that only four of the disciples ended up writing a gospel when everyone else was commanded to? No, it doesn't. And in fact, all eight other disciples have written gospels as well. You just never heard about them. Right. And what's crazy is, like, if you. It's like basically you're missing these, these links, you know, the missing links. Each one of the Gospels talk specifically about prayer. I know you already have that in here, right? Matthew says this, Mark says this, Luke says this. Those are all key elements to having all your prayers answered. But if you're missing the other elements, you won't be able to answer it, right? So here's exactly what these, these Gospels say about it. Blah, blah, blah, blah, right? And then, and then what I would do is I would just. I would kind of COVID my bases by saying it's. You basically, like, sometimes in copy, you say one thing and do something else. But, like, basically what I would do is I would lead with that. And then as I'm talking about, like the Gospel of Thomas, for instance, and going through it then. And I would talk about how, what they say about prayer and the missing link. And then I'd be like, you know, some people think the Gospel of Thomas is blah, blah, blah. But as you can see, what he says about it is also found elsewhere in the Bible, right? And then you quote, you know, Deuteronomy or something, and it's like, oh, it's already in the Bible itself. So even if they don't, you. You kind of take the excuse. Even if they don't believe in the Gospel of Thomas, they can believe in the message because it's found elsewhere in the Bible. And then you can kind of leave it open. Like, I don't know, some people say it's like this, but like, regardless, knowing this piece makes it work.

Like, people who Follow that. Those lost gospels are getting like, all these crazy results in their life right now. So you're not even having to make the claim. It's like, well, it'll make sense why all these people who are like, who think they're following God's law aren't getting the life that he wanted them to have. But these people who are doing a different, like, following this different message are crushing it right now.

Yeah, I mean, I use the. The spokesperson, like the guru's story and plus some testimonials like below, which are legit. Right. And I really like, like, Luke's angle. I'm going for something similar here, but like you said, I need to link it better to, like, what they already believe. Like, leave some room for a doubt.

Yeah, I mean, I got it from your copy right here. Right. So it's in here. But I think you could lead. I think just being more explicit about that is. Is interesting. It's like, well, there's 12. There's 12 apostles. Four of them wrote a gospel. We. We live and breathe by those gospels. But what about the other eight?

The other, he was stuck in student mode.

They decided never to write anything, and now we all.

We just hand copied everyone else's gospel.

Yeah. Yeah. There's more for us to read, of course, but hopefully some of that's helpful. It looks good, though.

Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

Sounds really interesting to me too.

Yeah, it does.

Yeah. I can send you the link once it's finished, so you can check it out if you want.

Sounds these calls. Yeah. All right, I think we got time for one more, so let's see. Here we go. Joaquin, this is the same one we looked at right before. Did you make any changes to it? The same info product, but the landing is changed and the ad is new. Yeah, they're all new. Okay. I don't know why it's not translating for me. Are you able to translate yours, Mario?

Let me check real quick. I have a million.

What do you want us to look at?

The.

The ads or the landing page? We'll look at the ads. Have you tested stuff around the cesarean angular cesarean stuff before? Yes, I test the angle of cesarean fable cuts. Go well. It went well. Yes.

So what is the actual product again?

Is an info product for pregnancy woman.

So info product for pregnant women. What is like the promise of it.

Wait, wait a minute.

So it's for women that are pregnant and it's promising.

It's basically like helping them have a smooth pregnancy. Yeah, yeah, I remember that. My the only thing I see missing. So I would be if you said the cesarean section work in the past, then it's cool. Then you can test it. My first thing would be like, I don't know, but I guess it's good. It kind of scares the out of them. But I think that you need to have a transition between. You need to have an explanation that the reason people have cesareans is because of too much stress or whatever. And that doesn't have to be that way. Most women just don't know how. And then I'm going to show you how. That's what I think is missing here. Because it's like they never told me that it would have immediate effects. But thanks to this, my second ones were beautiful and even painless. It's like we're missing the explanation of why the C section was caused by stress. And that if you can give a specific kind of stress or a specific, like, name to the stress or the type of stress, and then most women don't know how to do that. But once you know those, the way you can have an easy and painless pregnancy and avoid C sections.

Yeah.

Which could harm your baby. Same thing with this one. Like, we're missing that connection right here and that connection here.

Like preparing yourself for a smooth, Healthy childbirth.

More proof about the. The effect of the cesarean. Right. Not even proof. You just need to have a connecting sentence that literally just explains. It's like what you're trying to say. Your. Your bullets, your beats are C sections are really bad. Right. Then you need to have one that says C sections are caused by too much of this one kind of stress. Right. Most women don't know how to defeat this one kind of stress, but it's easy. I'm going to show you how. Those are the four beats you need to hit. And you're spending a lot of time on. On this, which is cool.

Even, like, even the first line there, instead of like, I thought you could make it. Like, they told me doing a cesarean C section would be safe for my baby, but, like, it turned out that it actually harm them. But it was people that are, like, worried about getting talked into a C section. Right. And they want. They're trying to avoid that. So they want to buy this product, right?

Yeah. They told me C section was normal, healthy, even. But it wasn't. My first baby boy came, you know, was delivered by C section and had this problem. This problem. This problem. Right. So many other women suffer from the same thing. Right. But what they don't know is that C sections are caused by too much of this one type of stress. Right. It does this and this and this. Like, give an explanation for why it leads to C sections. Right. Luckily, it's pretty easy to avoid if you know how. Right. And I'm gonna inside a short video. I'm just explaining how. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah.

Okay.

Thank you. Cool. All right. That's pretty good. I'm gonna note sorry to those who we didn't get to, but we'll try to. You might have different copy that you want us to look at, but I'll make a note of this, and we'll try to give you priority next time.

Yeah, we'll move you guys to the top.

Yeah. And, yeah, I'd say I think we did pretty good. How many did we get through? 13. Yeah, not bad.

Not bad.

I'm bad. All right.

So hopefully this help was helpful. Hopefully it was fun. Also.

Good. Yeah, I think these. I think these calls are great. If I was. If I was in your position, I'd come to these.

This is my favorite part of this whole thing.

So, yeah, it's always cool to see everything in action and all the nuances and stuff.

All right, cool.

Awesome.

Awesome, everyone. Talk to you soon.

Ciao. Bye.