4 Guests, 4 Gut-Punches: The Best of One Part Lion One Part Lamb

The ability to reel yourself back in, center and ground yourself, and ask yourself the real question, why am I doing that? Am I seeking validation or do I just need to wait on my time?

Yeah.

It might be your time, but not your turn.

You're first cause. Everybody wants to put everyone else first, but you've got to come first and then you can pay it forward. But if you don't, it's a house of cards.

A mentor that saw where I was gave me faith and hope that where you are now is temporary. It's necessary. He just gave me hope that, you know, yeah, like this is nothing and you're meant for more. And he just gave me hope and he said, you know, I got you.

I could appreciate someone else's success. I don't have to get my ego in the way. I could— he, in the book, he talks about appreciating someone winning first place in a race and you get second place. Like it's the same as acknowledging a beautiful sunrise or sunset. It's there. It exists. They did great. They worked hard. They did well. Stop thinking about yourself. Like having that humility. Definitely helps out when the arrogance pops in.

You know, how do you see— I mean, how do you hold your heart posture strong? 'Cause I think there's a lesson there too.

Absolutely. I think we all fall victim to that dichotomy you mentioned between Saul and David. But the need to overcompensate is in all of us at times. I think— The ability to reel yourself back in, center and ground yourself to be like, and ask yourself the real question, why am I doing that? Am I seeking validation in this moment? Or do I just need to wait on my time? It might be your time, but not your turn. And the minute we can accept that it's your time, but not your turn, it keeps you from seeking external validation. It keeps you from trying to move before it's your time to move. It keeps you from chasing versus allowing things to come to you naturally. And I think that's how I try to, in my respective space and mind, try to keep myself rooted and anchored in that way. Like, you know what, like for instance, I've been overlooked. And when I tell you that, I mean that. And hopefully me and you spend a lot more time together beyond today, and you're gonna see, like, man, you said it to me when you met me, Chris, but I seen it firsthand. And you're gonna see, like, they don't have no idea who you are, what you do. And you're gonna see, but then you're gonna see, but Chris is comfortable in his skin. He didn't try to hunt nobody down and say, hey, hey, hey, call to get in your skin, dude.

That is That is a teaching within itself. Absolutely. It really is. Yeah, I, I'll tell public, like, so I'm, I'm gonna have some, some additional liquidity soon, okay, for, from different things, some real estate purchases and some other things.

To hear that, I love that.

And in my liquid— in many cases, some liquidity has been tied up for a while, right? So it's like, yeah, timing, time. And I'm gonna have, uh, as my good friend Torrey Roberts would say, I'm gonna have all my needs met and most of my wants, okay? That's his phrase. I love that phrase. Love that phrase. Um, and there's a, there's a toy that I want, okay, that you deserve.

I—

that you deserve, right?

Yeah, yes. However, I'm also training myself not to be impulsive. So what I've decided to do is, because I know my predisposition is, oh, liquidity, there's plenty for— there's plenty here, this is only small sliver for my little, my little thing. That, you know, I told you about some of the improvements I'm doing on the property, right?

Yeah.

So first of all, I'm going to give them out— my goal is to give away equal amount of money to the whatever of the investment of the toy. So I live on a 50/50 principle.

I like that.

If I can afford to buy the toy, I can afford to give away an equal amount of money away to charity or whatever. Okay, so there's a piece there. And then I'm also deploying most— I'm gonna, I'm gonna deploy all the, all the capital with the exception of the toy stuff into vehicles that are going to increase the investment portfolio.

Perfect. Okay.

Some of that is here, right?

You making me proud right now.

I went, I went through a conversation, you know, I shared with you and your wife as we were walking around Safe Haven. I was like, you know, this is, this is going to be this and this will be that, and this is going over here and that's going over there, and we're going to start working on this probably this coming month and all this kind of stuff, right? All of that raises the asset value of Safe Haven, okay? And there's different ways to turn Safe Haven into a passive income stream, right? So once all that's set and deployed, then I feel like— and we're probably 4 to 5 months away, right, from being able to deploy on the— deploy on the toy, right? So maybe, so maybe that's the new— that's the new theme, right?

That's a bar.

Before you do anything, before you deploy on the toy, right, you should, you know, have 5 or 6 months, like, to train the nervous system.

I like that.

That we steward first, right?

We sacrifice now for the little bit, and we get to move forward. Because if not, if old Stephen gets— if old Stephen gets a hold of that some of those dollars, I'm buying the toy first, which is a depreciating asset. I know that. Like, I know it's an appreciating asset. Yeah, right. But if I invest in the portfolio and the— but then the portfolio can pay for the toy.

It certainly can. You making my day, Steve. Absolutely, man. The toy is not the problem. It's about the order in which we, uh, acquire the toy. And so, like you said, if the— if your earned interest can pay for the toy. If the cash flow, like, of this immaculate place we're at—

thank you, bro—

can, can pay for the toy, you're fine. But what I love about you, man, you made a commitment to whatever the toy costs, you're going to give that equal amount. Let me tell you this, I don't, I don't buy toys per se, but this is what I do. So if you told me— don't tell me— but if you was like Coach, this is how much the toy costs. What I do is go invest that same amount. I'll sit back and do stuff like this. I'll see people flexing online. And I'll say, man, he spent $150,000 on that Cadillac truck. I'm about to go buy $150,000 of Netflix. His going depreciate. Mine going appreciate. And I just do little things like that. All of it, there's no right or wrong whether a person like a toy or not. Do what you need to do in order for you to feel fulfilled. Yeah, because guys, I'm gonna look at the camera. If you was here and you seen how hard he worked, not what y'all see online, if you were here where I'm sitting right here, he deserves a toy. He might deserve 3 of them. My point being though, reward yourself. We can't take the money with us. It's only so much giving you can do before it's not advantageous from a tax standpoint. So you might as well enjoy it. And And if you can't enjoy it, at least do something that you do enjoy so that it makes it all worth the grind that you put in every single day. Steve, I think, man, that the toy is just going to be representation of your hard work. And sometimes we need those reminders. I did this. I had that mastermind group. I wanted 3,000 people to come, but 4,000 people came. I hit the goal. I served somebody. I blessed a life. I changed a life. That right there, the reward. I like that. I'm okay with that.

One of the key principles, um, that I have used— so grace is unmerited favor. It's unmerited, like, it's—

it—

the, the grace is— it's something that's not deserved. It's something that is being given as a free gift. And at least that's my definition. And what I've discovered is, um, when I resist the sides of myself, whether it's physical, whether it's emotional, spiritual, when I resist sides of myself, there tends to be ongoing turmoil.

Oh yeah.

But when I'm able to sit with myself and give grace or love myself, that those components become integrated and I don't actually don't have to go back and redo the work.

There you go. I mean, if we could like play that on repeat right there. You know, we were born into this world with two fears, fear of loud noises and the fear of falling. And being with Luca this week, He's 4 months old. Loud noises make him startled. And the fear of when I put him down too fast, he flipped out on me. And I realized I say that a lot on keynotes, you know, because it's so true. Two things we come into the world with, the fear of loud noises and the fear of falling. Everything else we've integrated. All those 65,000 thoughts, we know our subconscious runs the show. We know the programs that we learned. We know all the basics. And I know people probably listening to the show know all the basics of what got us here. But if we can go back and put some things down, just what can you put down today? What can you do today? And I said this this morning, I was like, what's one thing you can do that you need to do that you don't do for you? And you are first cause. It's like my book, "Universal Laws," and I never thought I'd write about universal laws, and it's got tons of modalities in there, and I talk about God, but it's like, you're first cause. Everybody wants to put everyone else first.

Yeah.

But you've got to come first.

Yeah.

And then you can pay it forward. But if you don't, it's a house of cards. And I just called it a card of houses the other day on a show. And I'm like, oh, there's the dyslexia again. And I'm like, well, I hope people get that I said house of cards, but I did say card of houses. And I'm like, hmm, didn't catch that.

And it was intentional.

Yeah.

It was intentional. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think one of the things, so we used to do a 3-day live event for, Oh, we probably did. We did it twice. We did once in 2019, then I had a business, a embezzlement reversal thing. We did it again in 2021. And we used to call it Transform U. So Transform U Live. So transform, letter U, live.

Love it.

Right?

Love it.

And it was really interesting because when we were marketing the event, if the messaging basically said, let us show you how you're the bottleneck. Right, let's—

let us—

let us show you, um, in the most loving way possible how you're the bottleneck, you're the problem. You think all these other things are the problem, but you're really the problem, right? That you're— you're the problem that's creating the other problems, the self-worth, the self-sabotage.

What I—

what I discovered in that moment was people don't want to admit that they have work to do. People love saying they have work to do.

Yeah.

They're the problem, but very seldom say, I think I have work to do.

That was the catalyst when you just said that just now. When everything changed for me, even with cauliflower foods, I had work to do. I was in trauma. I was unhealed. Everything I set up in my life was geared to fail. It just was. And until I really healed that core wound, which was abandonment, self-worth, Love. Oh, I mean, I could layer it up. I could go into traumas and alcoholic fathers and all the things that's in my book. But until I really loved Dana, and I mean really loved her, all the versions of me, the 6-year-old, the 10-year-old, the 12-year-old, the 30-year-old, the one that made big mistakes, the one that didn't know enough, the sabotage, all of them. It wasn't gonna work. I had to integrate all of them. So now when people think they have an emergency and their house is on fire, and I'm like, "Is it really on fire? Or could you just walk away and like do one of those little spray things, you know?" And have a good— But when the chaos come, the sky is falling all the time energy, that's chaos to distract you from what you don't wanna feel.

And if you're always the source, the source can't work in your life.

Yeah, I'm always looking at me. Hey, what do I need to know about this? What do I— if I've got a huge tax bill, I'm always like, well, I'm really grateful for that because I made more money than I thought.

I haven't gotten that far yet.

Well, I'm in California, so it's a little bit different.

Yours is stronger than mine.

So.

But yeah, it's always like, what do I need to know? Yeah, because it doesn't matter what anyone else knows about me. It's what do I need to know?

Yeah.

In order to live this life and hold space And I think we're always going to hold space and grieve versions of us.

Yeah.

And I think the older we get, and I think— I don't know if it's any different for women than it is for men, that we grieve these versions of us that we're losing.

Well, men are just— men are, from my experience so far, men are just— they're scared to take a look because they have to admit that they're invaluable.

Yeah.

Right?

Perhaps.

Yeah.

Well, women, my experience has been so far, because of their intuitive nature, Yeah, they can sense misalignment a lot earlier.

Hey there.

I hope you enjoyed the episode.

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Let's get back to the show. How do I select a mentor? How do I choose a mentor? All this kind of stuff. How did you recognize like this, this, this man can help me?

I think this mentor was different from all my other ones. And this was more so a mentor that saw where I was, gave me faith and hope that where you are now is temporary. It's necessary to become—

Ooh, temporary is necessary.

Fortune cookie. That wasn't even intentional. To be honest. But, you know, it was, you know, it was something. He just gave me hope that, you know, yeah, like, this is really like nothing, right? And you're meant for more.

Yeah.

And he just gave me hope. And he said, you know, I got you, you know, we're going to step by step, take it one day at a time. And now we're going to knock this out the park. And so the next, so next semester, I went back to school. So I dropped out of school for one semester. I went back to school. I was searching, I was searching. I did a finance finance major and then information systems, and I switched to information technology all in one semester.

And it's very much finding your way.

I was lost and finding my way.

Yeah.

And my mentor was a key pivotal moment of, you know, guiding me through that process.

I don't know if I can pause you there, but just want to dig in a little bit deeper there because I feel like a lot of us get lost in the messy middle.

Yeah.

Like, we don't give ourselves grace. We don't, we don't realize we're, we're actually trying Um, like, it's okay not— it's one, it's okay to not be okay.

Yeah.

Two, it's okay to not know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, I would— one thing I would tell, because I think leaders a lot of times that we're, we're talking to and working with on a regular basis, they're a lot of times it's like, well, I don't— I just don't know. I'm like, it's okay not to know.

Yeah.

Like, the fact that you're voicing that, like, is important. So when you're going through this messy middle, like Walk me through how you were kind of feeling at the emotional level as you're kind of doing a little bit of exploring and searching.

Yeah, I remember I came back to college and I was so depressed. I didn't leave my room, like, and I had class, like I didn't leave it for probably like 5 days, 6 days. I would leave out and come back in, didn't leave for like another 3 days. I was lost, depressed, you know, anxiety. And the feeling was, it was unbearable. You know, but it was something I needed to go through because it was building who I was, who I am today.

Yeah.

And so I think what you said is important, is necessary to— well, it's okay to not know. It's okay to be— it's going to be uncomfortable.

Yeah.

Not knowing, not being where you want to be.

Yeah.

Well, the truth to me is always in the uncomfortable.

Yeah.

That's where the truth is.

Yeah. Yeah. Right.

And that's why so many of us are searching for truth because we don't want to get uncomfortable.

Mm-hmm. I think it's getting comfortable being uncomfortable, being in that arena, you know, because that's like you said, that's where the truth is. That's for me, that's where the leveling up was originated from. And so I needed to go through that to get to that next level. And I found myself in IT. And that was like, oh my gosh, this is like my playground. Yeah, I didn't even know this was a major. My dad used to teach IT, A+ specifically, it's a certification. And I used to help him with the labs. Like when I was like 3, 4 years old, like he used to tell me I used to help his students change the background. I don't remember this, but you know, I was really involved in technology at a young age, you know, more than most kids.

Yeah.

And when I figured out, oh, wait a minute, I used to do this back at home. Like I was like, wow, it's been here the whole time. And I didn't know. And I had to go through that. Oh, well, I didn't— I don't know if I had to, but that is what I had to go through to find that. And it made me cherish it more.

Yeah.

You know, it made me feel like this is me.

Yeah.

And, you know, 2000— the summer 2019 is when I graduated from Frostburg State University. And I was like, wow, they said you needed your IT degree. You know, recruiters are going to be coming to you and, you know, you've made it, right? You need to go to school to get a job in this IT. So you're going to be making a lot of money.

Mm-hmm.

That wasn't the case. No, no, I was—

No one was calling? No one was knocking on the door?

No one was calling me. I was applying to jobs. I could not get a recruiter on the phone. It sucked. It was like another feeling again of like hopelessness. I heard, hey, Tyle, you need to go get your certifications. And you hear that online. If you try to search up how to break into tech, you'll hear a lot of people saying, go for your Security+. And I got my Security+. I failed it 5 times. I wasn't that serious. Spent a lot of money, but failed it 5 times, but I passed it. I got my A+. I got my AWS CCP. And so at this moment I have 3 certifications and I have a college degree and I'm still driving Uber Eats at 2:00 AM in the morning trying to average $10 an hour. And so I tell people, you know, for me, a college degree and 3 certifications unless you're the type of person, and I was, that was excited to do Uber Eats and steal french fries in the middle of the night. Free food, you know.

I mean, we're not advocating for that. Now, if you're delivering something to my house, you can have a few fries. Just don't eat them all.

Leave some for the customers.

But, uh, that's why they tape the bags, because of you.

Really, really, really, they do. And so, um, you know, It's, for me, it didn't work. And it wasn't, it wasn't until then I realized I was playing the wrong game. And that's when I read for the first time Rich Dad Poor Dad. And that book changed everything.

Yeah.

I learned that I was playing the wrong game. And I needed to learn skills that can actually—

So let's talk a little bit about the wrong game versus the right game. What is the wrong game?

So in my experience, and I'm only speaking from my experience, and I've seen people who, you know, come to me for help and they had the similar experience, go to school, get a job. Now, this for anybody that wants to go to school and get a job, I'm not saying this is a bad way. This is just what I've experienced. Everybody wants different things. But for me, the path that I don't think is good for me is like go to school, get a job, and retire in your 60s. And when I started working, because I got my IT technician job from a friend, I started working and I was like, wait a minute, this is what like people are doing. Like, I started working and I was like, wow, this is like the biggest scam on earth.

And the reason college exists is to put you into a system, not so you can actually break free from one.

That's crazy. I never heard that one.

I'm like, I got two really— I think two more directions I want to hit. The first one is this: one of the things I've been adamant about with the audience is something I've been referring to as the Five Constraints. So I teach it and I unpack it and I teach people how to apply it on a lot of our free master classes and some of our accelerators. And what's interesting about that is as soon as I say the constraints, people are like, I get it, right? Um, I believe every behavior pattern comes from one of, or a combination of, these constraints: arrogance, ignorance, impatience, fear, and insecurity. Okay, yeah, these are the things that keep you from being a mature lion and a mature lamb integrated simultaneously, right? Um, arrogance is thinking that you got it all figured out.

You don't know—

it's something I was joking around with somebody, says sometimes arrogance is just saying, I'll do it myself. Yeah, right. Um, so to that end, in your journey, have any of those crept in, popped up, and had to be dealt with? And if so, how have you tackled them?

Imagine I told you no, they never popped up. Um, obviously all the time. And one of the things I wanted to touch on, and I'm glad you brought it up because it aligns with it, there's, uh, this really small book that I'd say it was probably close to 10 years ago that rocked my world. It was by Timothy Keller, is The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness, and concept is like we touched on the arrogance piece there and true gospel humility he touches on is not trying to think of yourself less or not having that false humility, but just spending less time thinking about yourself. Arrogance is, you know, constantly putting yourself in this chair of, you know, it's about me. I could handle this bit. I could handle that. I could do this and that. But being free of that, like I could appreciate someone else's success. I don't have to get my ego in the way. I could— he in the book, he talks about appreciating someone winning first place in a race and you get second place. Like it's the same as acknowledging a beautiful sunrise or sunset, it's there. It exists. They did great. They worked hard. They did well. Stop thinking about yourself. Yeah. Like having that humility definitely helps out where the arrogance pops in. And early on in, in opening the business, I've had— this is my first business and the first one that's doing, doing well and having big numbers. Arrogance and ego definitely pops up because you want to be compared to everyone else. Like, I'd want to say, like, I don't want to be looked at as a business owner that didn't hit X amount of dollars. And it's just like there's so much ego that goes—

it's so weird how we measure ourselves by Ex—

like dollars and dollars and stuff you don't even know either. Like, like you don't— majority of businesses aren't doing what people obviously think they're doing. And it doesn't matter either way. The reality is like, what am I doing day to day? Who am I reaching? Who am I touching? And what am I doing? As you touched on, Stuart, of like, what resources do I have? What do I— what am I doing with them? That's all that matters.

Yeah. I mean, I'll even say, like, you know, I get a lot of credit for— and this is something I actually squash, like, early on. Like, I'll even put up slides. Like, this is what I get known— this is what I'm known for. But this is the truth.

Yeah, that's awesome.

Like, so yes, okay, he, he went from homeless to building, you know, upwards of a 9— close to a 9-figure organization, blah blah blah, multiple states, blah blah blah. It's true and it's not important.

It's awesome.

It's true and it's not important.

I mean, that's the gospel of humility, right? Part of your story.

Yeah, it's true and it's not important. But the flip side of that is— the flip side is it was freaking hard. It was freaking hard. Hard on myself, hard on my team, hard on my family. I didn't do it with excellence. I didn't do it well a lot of the times. I've survived most of my mistakes, thank God. I learned a ton. I have experience and wisdom I wouldn't have gotten any other way. It's one of the reasons I can take a business owner and pull their business apart in 15 minutes or less and give them a 1-hour— in 1 hour, give them a roadmap to make it work. Yeah. Right. That comes from that place.

Yeah.

Right. It's the only reason why I'm trying to get the business leaders to start celebrating the effort. Screw the outcome.

Yep.

You don't have any control. All you can— all you can control is the effort. Yeah, screw it, just go after it.

That's, uh, that's like the mantra for my daughter right now for sports. She's, she's like this— she's only 7, about to be 8, but she's so driven and like she's such a hard worker, it's insane to see. But we tell her every single game, like, there's only 2 things you control. It's like, this is going to be your, your effort and your attitude. Yeah, the output is what you put out. Like, you can only control what you do. You can't control if you're going to win the game. It's a team sport. And like, all these things, it applies to every area of life. You can only control your effort. And for me, attitude. Like, I'll show up and give my best, and also I'll do it with a posture that brings glory to God. Like, I keep saying that verse, like, whatever I do, I'm gonna bring glory to God. So if I'm gonna go through cancer, I got to be not fake and laugh and have all this joy, but I got to be an example of my effort. I got to show up. And whatever it is, like, that effort and output, or—

yeah, I think sometimes just being truthful is is just acknowledging publicly that this is scary.

Yeah, that's it.

I don't have it figured out. I got concerns, right? And again, that's humility.

That's just—

that's, that's being there. It's funny, I was also thinking that the number one thing that solves team member issues and business growth issues is moving from like trying to prove like, I need to have a nice life for myself, and being of service.

Yeah.

The moment you start showing up as a leader with your team to be of service, there's a gravitational pull shift.

Huge shift.

The moment you start looking— stop looking at your product or your service as being the the thing, I start looking at, okay, what is the problem that I'm trying to solve for the client?

Yeah.

And how can I solve it with excellence? Like, how can I be of service? It's funny how that becomes like the number one thing that actually creates growth. Hey guys, that's going to wrap up this episode of One Part Lion, One Part Lamb. As you know, we want to see you rising and last. Could you do us a favor? I'm sure you heard something in this episode that is highly valuable to yourself or someone you love. Someone you care about, a business leader, share the episode. Say, hey, look, I really thought of you, you popped in my mind, I really think you'd enjoy this episode. I think when we do that, we're actually creating that ripple effect that Dana mentioned in the episode, and I want to be an active part of that. So would you do me a favor? Would you please like, share, uh, subscribe? Do all the things. I, I, I'm like everybody else, I hate asking, honestly. But the reality is, is over 60% of you watch the show and have yet to subscribe. And the way to know that is you can look at the button that says subscribe, or does it say subscribe, so with a D or without a D, and that tells you whether or not you're subscribed. Now, we love you, we're always praying for you, we want to see you win, so please like, share, comment. Until then, I will see you on the next episode. God bless, take care, peace.