4 Steps To a Healthier Relationship

So one of the biggest things you're going to need to figure out in life is the quality of relationships. If you plan to excel in this video, we're going to talk about how to do that.

Look, check this out. There's no actual secret that the people that we spend the most time with, the, you know, the birds that what the birds of this feather flock together, right. Or the show me your five friends and I'll show you your future. There's no doubt that relationships play a key role in either our ability to stay stuck or become unstoppable. So we want to make sure that we're taking the time needed to develop those relationships and actually have healthy relationships along the way. So what I'm about to share with you in just a second is geared towards two things. Helping you identify healthy relationships and helping you become a healthy relationship. Alright, so let's look at step one real fast. It's a process I like to call lean. Now you may have seen some of those funny movies, those rom coms, if you will that says that someone's leaning. Well, this is a little bit type, different type of leaning. You know, we've done several, several, several videos on self awareness and understanding who you are at your DNA trying to uncover what drives you things of that nature. One of those things we talk about a lot is personality styles. Now one of the things that causes problems in a lot of relationships is different personality styles trying to integrate who have no training and personality styles who are very unclear on who they are, have no idea what their self awareness is like and as a result we get conflict. Okay? We get challenges that come with that, right. What I want to refer to in this particular case is the process of leaning towards another personality style, right? I'm a high D which means I am geared towards results. I'm geared towards fast paced. I'm here to get stuff done, period. Now keep that in mind when I have team members that are high S type personality styles, right? Or maybe somebody, the person you're dating or even married to, they're more geared towards stable pace and they're geared towards more details and things of that nature. Well, if I'm a high D and I have a, I have really, really low a concept of providing details if you will. When I go to talk to a high S or someone in that personality style, I'm going to struggle to give them the details. Okay? Now in my immaturity I used to expect people to lean my direction, right? Talk to me in the way that I want, talk to me in the way that I need talk to the way, talk to me in the way that only I can understand. Can you see how selfish that is? In maturity, it's the opposite way. It's being so self aware that you also have awareness of who the other person is and actually leaning their direction. And what I mean by that is I know I struggle with details. So therefore, when I'm talking to a high S or a high C who are very detail oriented, going to invite them to ask me more questions so they can get clarity. I'm intentionally do something different even than I'm doing right now in this video. Right, right now. I talk fast, I'm passionate, I'm driven, I can't help myself. But when I go to talk to a high S, I'm going to naturally slow my pace down and I'm going to talk to them in such a way that I feel like that I can see the glimmer of their eyes. That's one of the biggest ways you can know if you're actually connecting with somebody as you can look at their eyes and determine, is there a gleam there? Is there a little sparkle there that shows connection? If someone's rolling their eyes or kind of standoffish or changing their body language, that means you're not doing a good job of leaning. But when it comes to building great relationships, this process of leaning is nothing more than you approaching that relationship at a selfless pace or place and not a selfishness place. Okay, so that's what leaning is when you're trying to build relationships, whether it be with your wife, your husband, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, or you're trying to do something better with your career and your job, your team, your kids consider that they're made just a little bit differently than you. They have different hopes, different dreams, different blind spots, different strengths, different struggles. And when you're aware of that, that allows you to build connection points. So lean their direction. Take the time to lean their direction and make sure that you are actively trying to connect. If you don't try to connect, you never will. All right, let's look at step two. Step two, Learn the best ways to connect.

We've done several videos on the seven value systems that I encourage you to go watch, both in the whiteboard lesson and also in the face to face category. The reason I'd like you to go watch that is because each of these seven value systems tells you a little bit something about that person. And when you understand it, you're able to build a connection point here's what I mean. Quick example. I am a high economic and a high ultra wist. Right. I like competition, roi, building businesses, doing fun stuff like that. But my altruism side also likes to give and serve and help other people. Okay. They're to my two highest and from time to time they can conflict with each other a little bit. Okay. My wife, on the other hand, is a high aesthetic. She's really good with decor and dressing and things of that nature. She's the first one to tell me that I've mismatched my clothes. Okay. She's the first one to tell me that we probably need to do something different in the house. I build connection with her by intentionally going in and leaning her direction towards her value system, where appearances matter, esthetics matter, and things of that nature. So when I go home, I'm like looking around the room like, hey, has anything changed today? Is there more Ray Dunn stuff? Where is it? Seriously, where's like, have we. Did we have a new basket or a new tree or new. Something like that? That's a process of trying to build a connection. Now you can do this at work. You can do it with your kids, you can do it with significant others. You can do it with the people around you. In fact, some of the most successful people on the planet, the top 1%, if you will, have mastered the power of conn.

They say the right things, they do the right things in an effort to intentionally connect, which is where the magic happens. What can you do differently today? Maybe it's slow down, slow yourself down. Maybe it's uncover your, your own personality style through what drives you. Or maybe it's value system. Okay, maybe any of these are powerful techniques that you can actually use. But, but the key point is how can you lean? How can you connect? Those are the two questions. So when you go to sit down with somebody for the first time, spend time actually going through that process, which will take us to number three, trust. Trust. Trust is built when leaning is done well and connections are built in such a way that you can always look for different ways to build trust. If someone can't trust you, they're not going to do business with you. If someone can't trust you, they're not going to marry you. If someone can't trust you, they're not going to tell you the important things of their life and vice versa. If you don't trust someone, you're not going to marry them. If you don't trust someone, you're not going to be employed by them. If you don't trust someone. You see what I'm saying? It's a repetitive situation.

Constantly be willing to lean in, connect and build trust, which will then take you to the next phase, which is constantly be evaluating others. And as we look at step four, every relationship, if you will, is worthy of reevaluation on a regular basis. Why? Because people make mistakes. Unfortunately, sometimes we set the standards so high. Like, look, this is who this person's always been. They're never going to change. They're never going to have a life moment or ever have a problem. That's just not reality. You're going to change. You're going to offend somebody by accident. You're going to make mistakes by accident. Why? Why is it okay for you to do it, not someone else? When we evaluate our relationships, what we're able to do is create a little bullseye, if you will, and people move in and out of that bullseye. Call this first bullseye here. Trust. The trust factor. What you're doing with your key relationships, your top five specifically, is you're going to watch this trust factor go in and out by evaluating the relationship. Is there always character? Is there always trust? Is there, Is there always integrity? Is someone lying or being honest? These are all key areas that you have to kind of keep a rounded eye on to make sure that the relationships that you have beside you are the one that can take you the furthest, the fastest. Now, this is very brief, but it's very powerful. So make sure you take the time to seriously look at these four steps. Ask yourself who you need to become to attract the people you need alongside of you to make a difference in your own life. And we'll see you in the next video.

Connor with the Journey principles. If you enjoyed that lesson about relationships, you should grab our free ebook linked in the description of this video. It's all about the seven types of relationships you need to win in life. Also, do us a favor and like comment and subscribe and we'll see you on the next video.