5 Steps to Fix a Broken Relationship

Every relationship is valued and important, and in this video, we're going to break down how to fix a broken relationship and hopefully help you on your journey. Stay tuned.

Let's face it, every relationship, no matter good or bad, will get into trouble from time to time. The question a lot of times is trying to determine which relationship is worth investing in and how. Far too many times I see great couples who just don't communicate well end up falling apart simply because they don't know any better. So what I want to do with you is I want to share with you five specific areas and things that I do whenever I'm in doubt, whenever I need to build a different connection with my wife and things of that nature, and help you with your own relationship. Now, I'm going to be honest with you. While I love my wife dearly and she loves me back dearly, we do get at it from time to time. It's natural for a relationship to go through that. But the commitment level is there, right? The intimacy is there and the future is there. We want to build that together. So as we take a look at this, I want you to be open and honest with yourself about how well you do these things. I don't want you to focus on your partner right now and the mistakes that they're making. I want you to focus on yourself and see if there's a better way in which you can be handling things in order to actually get more traction in your own relationship. Step number one of this process is to own your junk. Be accountable. One of the quickest ways to diffuse conflict and is to actually own up to the thing that you did wrong. One of the biggest mistakes that I used to make and I've seen other people do as well, is not owning up to your stuff. Instead, you get defensive about dying on a heel that you know you did wrong. Why do that? Why add more conflict to an already tense situation? The best thing to possibly do is to come into the conversation, right, with a state of mind like, okay, I'm here to try to solve this, and the first thing I'm going to do to solve this is I'm going to own my stuff, right? If you did something wrong, you left the toilet seat up, you didn't take the car in to get inspected, or whatever the thing is, including right, if it's as bad as not being faithful.

That bitterness that comes out of that, that resentment, that shame, that guilt that comes out of that will end up destroying your relationship the longer you try to hide it, your relationship stands A better chance of success by actually owning up to that and actually working through that, no matter how painful it is. So whether it's leaving the toilet seat up or whether it's actually admitting to an affair of some kind, you need to do that. You've got to own your stuff, you've got to be accountable, right? Because if you're not accountable now, you're not going to be accountable in the future and you haven't earned the accountability from somewhere else, right? I'm a firm believer in that whole like, karma kind of thing, so to speak. Right? Treat people how you want to be treated because it always comes back to you, alright? So make sure you're owning your stuff. Next thing, admit your mistakes, okay? While owning your stuff is more about being accountable for your action, when you take this next step, admit your mistakes, you're taking responsibility for your action. In other words, the difference of being accountable is being aware of what happened and owning up to that. Responsible is looking for a way to mend the mistake that you made, so to speak. Okay? You're looking to have complete responsibility. I own that. How do I improve this? How do I make it better? Right? No matter what that is. And maybe it's counseling, maybe it's coaching, right? Maybe it's simply putting the stinking seat down on the toilet. But whatever it is, make sure you do it with all your heart, right? And that'll help you along the way. All right? Number three, express a sincere desire for understanding and connectivity. I can't say this enough. Some of the most heated debates my wife and I have, and dare say arguments, have been over not actually looking to connect, but looking to be right.

Why spend time, again, dying on a molehill just because you want to be right? It's more important to build a bridge of compromise and basically connectivity. Connectivity is what builds trust over time. And no matter what you've been through, no matter what the start is, no matter what, all that's shaping up to be connectivity, okay? After you've owned your stuff, you've been responsible. And accountability, right? Is seeking a level of understanding. Seek to actually build connection by seeking to honestly express true empathy and true understanding. Open your ears. Let me say that again. Open your ears, close your mouth and listen. That listening with an honest heart. With an honest heart right here. In other words, I want to understand how I made you feel or how you're feeling right now, because I honestly want to build a connection. Hey guys, I'm sorry about the audio, but we're about to show you the rest of the clip, and unfortunately, some of the audio died out. It doesn't make the information I'm about to share with you any less important. In fact, I actually think it's some of the most important information I've shared in a long time. But I didn't want you to run away just because the audio change. We're working on the problem, but for the sake of this video, you're going to notice the audio change. So make sure you pay attention to the content, and that way you can keep moving forward. Thanks again. Remember, empathy is the key to understanding. And once you understand with your heart, you'll be open in your mind. Remember, the whole thing is about connection. Try to slow down the pace, try not to heat up the argument, and try to spend more time trying to connect by listening first. Make sure you do that. All right? Number four. One of the greatest mistakes I've ever made in my own relationships is not listening. Well, it's not one of my natural gifts. One of my natural gifts is obviously more teaching and talking than anything else. I've had to force myself to learn to listen by repeating a phrase back that a good friend taught me, which is, when someone talks to you, you simply say, what I heard you say was. And you repeat back to them what you heard in your ears. You them say, why do you do that? Two or three reasons, right? First of all, you're doing it to make sure that you've got complete comprehension about what they said. Because one of the things that happens in that particular circumstance all too often is you hear this, that's not what I said, or that's not what I meant. It gives everybody the opportunity not to get offended early on, but instead open the door for better communication by better clarity. So that's one of the things that it does. Secondly, it automatically tells the person that you're actively trying to listen. It helps them understand that you're truly being present in the moment. If you're looking at your phone and looking away and looking at the TV or walking down the street or doing paces, you are not sending the signal to someone else that you're actually listening. And the second thing that using this technique does is it shows the other person that you're actually present and you're actually listening, like, really listening. No one wants to talk to a brick wall. No one wants to talk to someone who's not listening. Why? Because they're not listening. You are actually sending the signal of being undervaluing to that person. You don't want to Undervalue their presence. Right. Final one for today, alright, is build bridges, not ditches. That's a really interesting way to help you understand that you have to be building compromise on a regular basis. I promise you, as a human being, you are not right 100% of the time, no matter if you think you are. And I promise you, you're not wrong 100% of the time, even if you think you are. What compromise allows you to do is it allows you to build a bridge from basically conflict to where you actually want to go. So you see conflict on one side and on the other side you see happiness and joy and contentment and connection. That's the bridge, right? You may have to give up a few things in order to concede a few things in order to actually gain a few things. Great couples learn how to compromise. They learn how to talk things out. Even if they don't get it all talked out in the first sitting, meaning they meet once and it's not working out. They may have to do it two or three times. But what they do is they understand how to compromise and how to work together to actually create a meaningful relationship that actually leaves them fed. Now, if you were trying to heal from a relationship right now, in other words, your relationship's in a tumultuous time frame, first of all, I just want to tell you I'm sorry that you feel that way. And I understand what it's like to hurt and not know what to do. I am convinced, however, by doing these things myself over and over again, that these things will work and allows you to build a bridge from the broken heart you may have today to a beautiful beginning that you may want tomorrow. I challenge you to take the time to do each of these one more time before we wrap up. Accountability. Own your junk. Responsibility. Admit to your mistakes. Look for amends. Connectivity. Always be seeking to understand always, while listening responsibly. By choosing to actually repeat their viewpoint back to them so that you can actually know that you're present and listening. And finally, build bridges, not ditches by compromise. If you'll do those things repeatedly, over and over. It may be a tough road at first, but if you'll show that person that you're sincere. Right? Sincerity always builds around or always breaks down the frozen heart. Okay? Sincerity always breaks down a frozen heart. So while you think all hope is lost, you may think all hope is lost. This relationship is completely unsustainable or there's no way to put it back together. I would say if you'll do these things, then you'll give your relationship the best possible chance. The best possible chance to actually create the new beginning that you're desperate for. Alright now, I hope you enjoyed the video. I know it's a little shorter than some of the other ones. Remember, I have a ton of whiteboard lessons and other face to face videos on relationships, specifically from toxic ones to healthy ones and so on. I invite you to check all of those out, especially all at one time. They are totally binge worthy when it comes down to actually getting to the bottom of making a relationship better. And in the meantime, I want you to be a favor, okay? Just one. Just two more favors, right? Small favor. Check out this free resource right here. It's called seven relationships you must have to win at life. It will help you gain more perspective on how to build a successful relationship with. Meanwhile, do me a favor. Go ahead and subscribe. I want to give you more content on a regular basis. I want to help you. I want to help you win, whether it be in your life, your business, your relationship. No matter what it is. I want to help. Please let me help you. All right. I'll see you in the next video. Take care of.