ACHIEVE ANYTHING You Want By DESTROYING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS Today! | Mark Drager

You know, one of the things that I find that I find you're just uniquely gifted at is this essence of overcoming self doubt. Continually talk to me a little bit about self doubt, kind of how it kind of got started in your life. But more than anything else, how can someone else begin to kind of overcome that in their life?

Yeah, you know, what a great question. So I didn't even realize that. So I, I have this very strange makeup of being extremely optimistic and believing that anything is possible for others, and yet for myself, living in a place of the exact opposite, that I'm not good enough, that I can't do it, that it'll never happen. That even no matter how many times in the past I've proven to myself, you know, that I'm capable of certain things that I can't grow, that, that just. I don't have what it takes. I went to a Tony Robbins event with our mutual friend Evan Carmichael a few years ago, and I literally remember writing my book. Mark just doesn't have it right. And so we're trying to work on limiting self beliefs at the time. It makes me, oh, I'm getting goosebumps even just saying that out loud because I hope that's not the case. I hope I can develop whatever that version of it is. But it's this really weird thing where if you come to me and you say, hey, here's my roadblocks, here's my problems, it's super clear to me the path you should take. It's super clear to me what you're lying to yourself about and where the BS is and how you can do it and how you can grow and how you can scale, and here are the steps you can take. And I believe fully that you can do it and that I can help you do it. For myself, the exact opposite. And so I just emailed Evan this morning actually saying like, hey, this is this weird thing that I need to deep dig deeper into because I have this ability to say, you know, I understand when you wake up and you just go, well, what's the point? Or when I drive, used to, you know, I remember this time I drove home from work and I sat in my driveway and I thought, I don't want to walk into my house. What's, you know, like, what's the point? What's the point of any of this stuff that we're doing? And so I just, I have this cynical side, this doubtful side. And so to answer your question, though, what, what I take comfort in is knowing that everyone doubts Themselves. Yeah, because, you know, listening to the most successful entrepreneurs who grow, you know, who grow the business, who make it happen, and then they're ready to face the next adventure and they go, maybe I got lucky. Maybe it wasn't me. Maybe it was timing. Can I do it again? I don't know if I can do it again. And no matter how much bravado people share, deep down, deep down, they have those moments. I've heard Academy Award winning actresses talk about, you know, 30 years experience, have won Academy Awards, they walk onto set and they just go, I don't know if I can do this anymore. I may have lost it. Or I've heard other people who were alcoholics who said the only way I was able to perform was when I was drunk. And then the day that I was sober, I walked into whatever the field, the profession, whatever it is, and just thought, I don't know, I don't think I can do this. And so to me, the doubt and the fear and, you know, the doubt that we have in our head, the little voice, the little look that someone gives you, the questioning, it just keeps us stuck. It keeps us standing still. And.

That just, it bothers me so much. I just. There has to be an answer to these things, right?

For sure. Well, you know, it's funny because I wrote down two things as you were talking. Number one is the things we tell ourselves. Most of us, I don't feel. And this is you and I just brainstorm. People are going to get a behind the scenes access of. You and I just talk and shop, right? The things that we tell ourselves. I find that people like to believe all the negative things about themselves and they, and they're constantly telling themselves those things and they completely. I'm one. And I'm, I'm one of these people. I have been one of these people at times, definitely where somebody will go and say, like, hey, you're doing all this, right? And I'm like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then I'll focus on all the garbage, like all the, all the reason why I shouldn't measure up. You know, the other thing I wrote down is imposter syndrome. Right. I can tell you that. You know, I mean, you know, part of my story, you know, kind of how I started my first company and then kind of where I'm at today and, you know, having to restart again and kind of midway through with an executive change and I, I can tell you, I remember asking myself, honestly, did I get lucky the first time?

Did they really have such a Significant impact that now that they're not here, now they're not part of my organization, that everything is going to crumble. And then I kind of took some lessons from you and I just began to like, talk to myself in the mirror. You know, it's like, you know what, no matter what it is, you can learn anything if you just apply yourself to it, you know. But this imposter scenario that I think we all face is something that I find that is. Well, it's not unique. It's everybody, you know, we're constantly comparing ourselves and things of that nature. And all the coaching that you're doing, is there one or two techniques or one or two, like things that you would recommend anyone who's in that place, that self deprecating doubt phase where I am the imposter, I feel like I'm not going to measure up or I feel like, you know, so this is. This life was meant for so and so, but not meant for me. Is there, is there one or two things that you go to that you've used personally to combat those feelings and then kind of excel?

Yeah. Yeah. So the things that you tell yourself are really important. The reason why the podcast that I had you on that I host called We Do Hard Things is because I need to remind myself that and tell myself that. And we've kind of made it a family motto at this point. You know, we. My daughter, we were at my son's birthday back in September, I think it was, or. And all our kids were doing tree. Tree top trekking. You know, you go up in a tree, you strap in. And so my 6 year old daughter, who is a little bit on the timid side, I guess, you know, she's up 30ft in the air and she's shaking and I say, jordan, are you okay? And she goes, she goes, yeah, yeah, I'm a dragger. I do hard things. And it was like this moment of pride because she just said it in passing and I was just like, yeah, girl, you, you are a Draeger and you do hard things. So, you know, that fires me up, you know, the yesterday I'm working out and I'm struggling and I go, I'm building strength, you know, like, like, I know this is hard, but I'm building strength and I want to be strong and I want to be extraordinary. And so, so I'm building strength right now. So, so those moments juxtaposed against. I can remember a Sunday in May two years ago where I was working on my bathroom, renovating, listening to some music. And there's a line in this one song that says, I'm such an effing loser. And for some reason, I picked up on that. And I was just. I could watch myself spend three or four hours seeping into depression because I could not get that. That line out of my head, you know, that just that I'm such an effing loser. I'm such an effing loser. And. And it's just like, I know now why am I telling myself that? Like, no, like, don't. Don't listen to that stuff. Don't say that stuff. So. So for me, it starts with.

As weird or as hoo hoo as it is. It's just like, what are you telling yourself then? What are you listening to? So, you know, two years ago, I cut out all news. You know, I don't. I don't listen to the news. I get a little bit of news through Instagram. Cause I follow a few people. I get a little bit of news through people just saying, hey, did you hear that thing that happened two weeks ago? And I'm like, I didn't. But guess what? The world goes on. So I stopped listening to the news. I made a really conscious choice of. And part of what I've done just last week even, was deciding who is on Team Mark. You know, like.

The people in my life are on my team.

Yeah. And.

And so my wife. My wife is on Team Drager, is on Team Mark. She does something to help me be a better version of me. But, yeah, I haven't been deciding very actively who's on Team Mark. It's been more, you know. Well, you know, they're a client or they're. They're a friend or. No, no, no, I'm gonna decide. Like last week, I decided who's in and who's out. And some people didn't make the cut.

But more than anything, just for talking, I made it.

You've made the cut, my friend. There you go. Here you are. You're on Team Drager. But really, to answer the core of your question, watch what you say and watch who you listen to and watch who's in your life. But I don't think people are asking themselves the right questions. And so for me, with the way my brain works, with what works for me, is asking just, what do you want? Why do you want it? Who has it? What did they do to get it? Are you willing to do what they did to get the same thing right? And just like some. It doesn't have to be those questions. It can be any question. But just, but just for me and for the people that I'm speaking to or that I'm working with, it's just asking just a series of any questions or even just writing down in a journal like. Like what made me happy today. Like the question. The question reveals the answer in the pursuit of the answer. And it's. And it, to me, it's like just. Just asking questions and then pursuing those answers with conviction and with curiosity. That's where I have my real breakthroughs. That's where. That's where I start to look at doubt and go, oh, that's not real. That's just a lie I've been telling myself. And so those are the three areas that I focus on.

I love it. So I wrote down, this is why I love talking to you. Spark thought in my brain. I love it. Your brain reinforces the questions you ask it. And then there's a healthy responsibility in being creatively curious.

Repeat that one.

There's a healthy responsibility in being creatively curious.

I like that. See, this is, this is what I actually like. Because one of the greatest fears that I have and that almost everyone has, doing what we do. I know that you shared with me that you didn't ever wanted to be seen as a guru.

Yeah.

Mine is. I really like, my one word is extraordinary. I want to be extraordinary. So the thought of doing what other people do, the thought of, you know, whether I'm better at it or not, just having someone in the same space as me makes me feel like, oh, someone's already done that. You know, someone's doing it better. What's the point? And so what I love about this kind of stuff, though is like, I. You and I are both saying the same things, and I would never have strung those words together that order to arrive at.

Connor tells me I talk in fortune cookie. So.

Okay. That, you know. So I know. I know that you have, you have a deep connection and a background in the church. My pastor, you know, I called him a spiritual entrepreneur. But that man, words. And he will string together these sentences and he just takes such delight in making a point through words. Me, I don't know if you noticed, I index. Like I will. I can never get to the specific point or that specific one line. So I'll just talk around it until hopefully, you know what I'm saying.

Well, that's why we make a great team.

There you go.

Hey there. If you really enjoyed that snippet, you're really going to love the full interview right here, so make sure you check it out.

Because not doing anything is a choice and a risk. People think that, okay, I'm here. I'm in my job. Moving to the new job is a risk.

Staying where you are is a risk as well.