"Build Your RESILIENCE & GRIT To Achieve ANYTHING YOU WANT Today!" | Amberly Lago

Me admitting that I was in pain or being vulnerable didn't make me weaker. It actually led me to my strength.

Before we jump into the power of your story and everything that comes with it, and the people that you've been able. Been able to help as a result of it, jump into a little bit of kind of what life was before, essentially what became the catalyst of your ultimate transformation and helping people.

You know, I am sitting here looking out my window at palm trees. I'm in California. I know it doesn't sound like that. I'm originally from Texas, but I moved out here when I was 18 with all the money that I had saved from lifeguarding and teaching dance and babysitting and scrubbing toilets and out here to pursue my dreams. And I was a dancer for years and got to travel the world doing it as a professional dancer and did a ton of music videos on MTV back in the day and. Yeah, and actually my first music video was for MC Hammer.

Oh, yeah.

I was one of their token white girls on that. Yeah. I was like, I've made it. Now I'm on MTV with MC Hammer. But then, you know, I got into fitness, and I was doing fitness videos and infomercials and nationally recognized as a coach and was sponsored by Nike. I was on vitamin labels. I mean, my world was always movement and fitness, and I loved it. And after two failed marriages, I finally met the man of my dreams, who I am married to now. Third time was the charm for me. And we had a baby, so I had two daughters. And I. I really feel like, oh, after struggling to build my career, and I had a successful business with trainers that worked with me and the man of my dreams, we've got two healthy girls. I'm like, life is good. I'm living the California dream. And I'm on my way home from work on my motorcycle. And everything changed in the blink of an eye when I was hit by an suv. So I had a guy that just shot out of a parking lot. I was thrown 30ft. When I came to a stop, my leg was completely crushed and there was blood everywhere. When I woke up out of a coma, the first thing I learned was doctors said we need to amputate. Have a 1% chance of saving your leg. There's nothing we can do for it. It's basically like a war wound. So we're going to have to amputate. So if you can imagine, I mean, it wasn't just my livelihood, but my love of. It's like my life flashed before My eyes. And I was like, well, wait a minute. You said a 1% chance. Then there's still hope. There's still a chance. And so I chose to focus on that 1%, and that was my glimmer of hope. And we found a doctor who did 34 surgeries. And it really took thousands of prayers, a lot of grit, and by the grace of God, they saved my leg. And that's really when my journey kind of began, because I didn't know how drastically it was going to change the course of my career, my life, everything, until I was diagnosed with complex regional pain syndrome, which is a disease of the sympathetic nervous system, where you're left in constant chronic pain. So I thought, okay, 34 surgeries. That's a lot. That was hell. It was months in the hospital.

If I'm not mistaken, one of the things I heard you mention, because I've been obviously loving your content, is if I'm saying you said a doctor sat down with your husband, took a cracker and said, this is what her leg is. And then there was an. There was an ultimate moment where you had. Where you had the idea maybe, hey, well, if you go. If you have to, after you'd already suffered surgeries, well, what if we go ahead and amputate with it with this? Go away. And they said, no.

Well, yeah, I had been. It was about a year after the accident, and I had gone through all these surgeries, and I think at that time, I was probably on, like, number 28. I hadn't even hit surgery number 34 yet. And I went into the doctor with this brilliant idea. I was like, I've got the solution, doctor. I was like, look, I appreciate all you've done. You saved my leg. We gave it a good shot. Like, we really tried. But I cannot deal with this pain. It's. It. The pain is relentless, and I just can't deal with the pain like this. So we need to go ahead and cut it off. And he's like, we can't do that. He goes, you have a pain disease. It's already in your sympathetic nervous system. If we amputate your leg now, it could not only not go away, it could get worse. And so that's when it really started to get hard for me, because I was like, God, you know, you think. You know, I knew about grit. I knew about grit growing up in Texas, being an athlete, being a dancer. I was used to working through hard things. I built a company from the ground up. I was like, I can do the hard work and when to find out what, doesn't matter how hard you work, because that pain is going to be there to stay. And I mean, I had all kinds of medical treatments to try to cure it, to try to get rid of it, to try to alleviate it. And when nothing was working except for one thing. And that was, I think, our ability. And I say our because I'm not special, I'm not unique. Just like anybody else, we all have this ability to tap into this never ending well of resource, of resilience. And when I realized that we could. That I could do that, that's when I started to get more hope and not give up. And I think all we need is that like I had that 1% chance. That was my glimmer of hope. We just need that little glimmer of hope that we can see, still find joy, that we can still have the life we've always imagined, even if things don't go as planned. And so that's what I'm so passionate about, Sharon, is that, you know, just because things don't go as planned or thing, you know, you might. A lot of people are going through hard times right now.

Absolutely.

A lot of people lost jobs. And so I think that when we know that we have a choice, that's when we take our power back.

Well, as I mentioned to you, a little bit off air, you know, your entire message and content really hits really, really close to home. You know, my. My beautiful wife, who is my soulmate, you know, struggles with a chronic illness of her own. And it is relentless pain. There's. There's no days without it. You know, I had herniated a disc in my neck. Gosh, it was probably 10 years ago. And I remember what it was like being miserable. Like I would all in. In that moment. And, you know, that was a temporary problem for me, thank God. But in that moment I was like, this is too much. I can't stand this. Just take me right Lord, just come get me kind of thing.

Yeah, you get to that point. I mean, I did. I was to the point where I was having suicidal thoughts. I wanted to be put out of my misery.

Well, and I think that's one of the reasons I wanted to tap into that. You know, my wife has been a fighter, much like you have. I think she's definitely in her journey. And, you know, as a husband, I mentioned to you this off air. It's difficult for me as a husband who wants to fix it, wants to take the pain, wants to just make her feel better, like to Take that off of her. And not being able to, if you don't mind, speak a little bit to the emotional side of things, both as the person who's struggling with the illness or the pain, and then also the people that love them. Because, I mean, I heard you. I've heard you, like, say some pretty amazing things.

Oh, thank you. I'm trying not to get emotional just hearing you say this, because the thing is, it doesn't just affect you when you're going through a hard time or you're hurting. And I'm emotional because I'm thinking about my husband.

Yeah.

Because you know what? There's nothing worse than my pain. There's nothing worse than when I know my pain is causing someone else pain. And it's like, my husband's a fixer, too. He's like, y' all would probably get along really well.

I can't wait to meet him.

I'm serious. I think y' all have to meet. He's. He is a fixer. He is a former lieutenant commander with a highway patrol. He's this Cuban. He's my soulmate, and he wants to fix things. And the thing is, you can't. There's some things you can't fix. You just have to accept. And the thing is, a lot of times we don't expect you to fix it. We just like to know that you're there and that you see and you hear us. And so I can't speak for your wife, but I know for me, I just want to know that, you know, my husband hears me. He understands. And so even if he said, even if you say, I hear you, I see you. I'm here for you. What can I do? And because there have been times, like, when the thing, you know, I was scared after my motorcycle accident, but I was not ever as scared as when I went septic. And it was because I think you, your wife and I are a lot alike. Like, we like to push it. You know, from what you described about your wife, she's got gritty.

She's got grit and spades.

Yeah. And doesn't give up and just keeps pushing. And that's what I did, too. I would just push, push, push, and I would just try to push through the pain. Push through the pain. And I wasn't listening to my body. I was trying to ignore the pain. And pain demands to be heard. And it'll show up. It'll show up in your health and your relationships, in the way you lead and the way you love. It shows up and it peeks its head out, and it's like. It demands to be heard. And so I was trying to ignore it, and I ended up having. I'm more susceptible to infections in my leg because of circulation issues, because it was crushed, and I had an infection, and I was trying to ignore it. That day I went and gave a motivational stuff, speak at this motivational speech at this event. And then I went and made dinner. Then I was doing homework with my daughter, and my leg was hurting so bad at that time. I propped my leg up, and I had, like, a line, a red line going up my leg. And I told my husband, I said, you know, I'm going to have to run to the er. I said, they're probably going to have to get. I think I have a little infection going on. So I drove myself to the ER and I called him, and.

I was like, I'm. I'm gonna have to stay. I'm. I'm actually septic. Like, I went septic. I had blood poisoning. Basically, the infection had gotten into my blood, and that really. That deadly. And I had a doc, two doctors tell me that if I would have waited one more day, I would have been dead. And that really, really scared me. And I think it's so important that we listen to our bodies and we communicate with our partners what's going. I was trying to hide the fact. And the reason I bring that up is because I almost. I tell. I was telling him I didn't feel bad and stuff, and he's so used to me just pushing through and pushing through, but I'm like, do I have to, like, be on my death, like, literally on my deathbed for you to go, hey, maybe you should rest? Or maybe sometimes I need. I need to be reminded. Amberly, rest. Amberly, get off your legs. So he's gotten really good about that. It was hard for me to hear at first because I was like, don't tell me what to do. I don't need to rest. I don't. You know, but now I've learned to appreciate that, you know? So I think so much is about communicating really with clarity, what I need from him, how I need to be supported, and then what he needs from me. How do I need to tell him in a way that, you know, I feel supported? But he goes, oh, I get it. I see you. I hear you. I acknowledge that you're hurting right now. Yeah, sometimes that's all we need is just to be acknowledged.

Well, and I can tell you from the. You know, from the Outside looking in. And, you know, it's funny, we kind of started with physical pain, and we're definitely kind of going through the three dominoes, which I want you to talk about in a second. But as we kind of look at this whole thing, you know, it's. It's. It's funny how we don't want others to even know we are in pain, whether it's emotional or whatever. And it's funny how, you know, we. While we started with physical pain, most of the pain that we feel that's really the most difficult to deal with most oftentimes is either the mental or the emotional. So talk a little bit about the three dominoes and how they kind of tie together and why it's important to kind of take a cautious approach, or at least a holistic approach to each one of those.

Well, you know what? I think that.

Not wanting to admit it, that we're in pain, not wanting to. For me, it comes from two different things, and it's so much. And I'll get into, like, the aspect of how it does affect you, mentally, spiritually, physically, it affects everything. But for me, I never wanted to be a burden that comes from childhood going through. You know, I had divorced parents that were arguing over child support and that sort of thing. And I had my dad tell me that, you know, I was costing him money. And so I felt like a burden, you know, even though I worked, I paid for my own lunch at school and my dance lessons, and. And then I also wanted to be tough to fit in with my brothers, you know, so I didn't. I. So there's a lot that I had to rewire how I thought.

Me admitting that I was in pain or being vulnerable didn't make me weaker. It actually led me to my strength. I will tell you that I had a friend of mine reach out to me, and she goes, well, your life is just perfect. You've got a husband and kids, and you're doing all these motivational talks all over the country. And I was like, seriously, you think my life is perfect? And that inspired me to actually share for the first time on social media about CRPs and show my scars. And you know what? It was freedom, because. And that that video got, like, thousands and thousands of views and likes because people could relate, like, oh, look at all her scars. And, oh, her legs deformed. And, oh, it made me more relatable. And when I say it led me to my strengths, it led me to accept all my imperfections just as they are. And it Led me to a community of people who were like me, and they've been through hard things and they're passionate and inspired and they want to do more.

Do you think that there's a point or a place in which we. It's, you know, because we're human. Right. There's always. There's always a point where it seems like most people don't want to share their scars, but it also seems like. And you can correct me if I'm wrong, but it also seems like there's a. There's a point in time where we are desperately wanting to share our scars, but we're scared to.

I think that it's really important to share from a scar instead of an open wound. First of all, that's a difference, you know, like, it took me years of healing after my motorcycle accident. I was a freaking mess for years. Years. It took like five years before I could show. Like, it took me two years before I actually went to the beach in a bikini and with my family. But then before I could start talking about it openly, I had done a lot of work with, you know, therapy, self development.

Gosh, recovery, 12 step program, because it drove me down to a road of addiction, my pain, and. Yeah, because it's what it does to you mentally and spiritually. And you just get desperate to get out of pain and you're going to do anything. And we were doing everything. Anything and everything. We had $2.9 million worth of medical expenses and we had a lien on our house just to pay for new treatments that, you know, our insurance didn't cover. And so it can make you feel really desperate.

It was funny. When I was learning more about you, I stumbled across a keynote that you gave years ago. I think it's a couple years old. And in that video, you were. You had a PowerPoint scenario and you were throwing up PowerPoints. It's like, it was like literally pop, pop, pop. Of all the different things that you had tried, where it was almost like a total snowball or snowing. Like, all these different things that you guys tried. So when you say you guys really tried everything, you legitimately tried everything.

I mean, I was a really good. Like, I was a good. Like anybody that was a snake oil salesman or charlatan, I'd be like, what, you have something for me to try? I'll try it. I mean, yeah. I was on 73 homeopathic pills, along with 11 prescription medications a day. A day.

Oh, my God.

And all kinds of very invasive treatments. I remember this one Treatment I did, it made the pain worse. And I called the doctor, and I was like, I don't know what you did, but it is worse. And she goes, well, sometimes it takes a second time to get better. So when I went back into the appointment, she said, well, you do know the side effect of this, right? And I'm like, yeah, it made it worse last time. She goes, no, you could be paralyzed from the waist down. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. I said, why didn't you tell me that the first time? I said, no, I don't want to go first with this treatment again. No, thank you. I'll pass.

So, yeah, we've already got enough going on. Thanks.

Yes. But, yeah, you know, I think that when you can look at your back to the scars, when you can look at scars differently, and what changed that for me is I had a doctor that looked at my leg differently, and that changed everything. I mean, the minute I remember sitting in his office and the way he looked at my leg, I was like, oh. Because I looked at it like I hated it. It's deformed. It's scarred from the hip down. My ankles fused. And you know what's so crazy now? Like, I can actually look at my leg and see beauty in it, and I can laugh at it. I mean, it's so crazy. But just last night, my ankle was so swollen that I was having a hard time getting my sock off.

Yeah.

And I was laughing about it because I got this. My ankle's fused and it's swollen, and my daughter, you know, cues up the music in the background of, like, I'm laughing or something, but I'm crying inside or something. And just the music, she queued up. So, you know, we can look at situations, and humor has got us. Got us really far along because there's. Sometimes it's just like, what are we going to do? We got to laugh at this situation, you know, But I think that once I was able to kind of look at my scars, you know, the battles I had won, and look at my leg with gratitude that I still had my leg and that it carries me and that it's doing its best to heal, it started. Everything started to change. Because when we can change our mindset, we can start to change the way we believe, then we can start to change our lives. Everything starts to change.

Yeah. I mean, perspective is powerful. I mean, that's one of the things that I'm adamant about on this channel and all the other events that we do and stuff like that. Is the power of perspective. How you look at things determines how you see it. Right. Dr. Wayne Dyer. Right. I'm sure I butchered his quote, but I said the same thing. Right. And it's true. You know, you can look at your various traumas, whether it's emotional, physical or mental or whatever that is, and you can say, you know, this is going to take me out or this is going to build me up. And the choice is ultimately ours, you know, And I think it's important to dig in a little deeper if you're okay with it, about the power of embracing your imperfections. Because we all have them. You know, some, some we may look at one, we may look at somebody else's imperfection. I think they have it all easy. But inside, this is the most important imperfection that we, that I, you know, that I would have, you know, I'm five foot nothing. I'm not going to get any taller. There's nothing I can do about it. Right. And for, gosh, a number of years, that was my thing. Right. It was, it was, you know, it drove me to speak louder, you know, be more engaging, put myself in situations, you know, the drive, you know, essentially as that, you know, and that was one of my versions of imperfections or how I viewed myself as an imperfection kind of thing, you know, And I know you've done a tremendous amount of work about it with the power of embracing imperfections. And I'd love to, if you don't mind sharing just a little bit about that as well.

Yeah. And you know what? I love that you talk so much on your show about the. Just being able. How. How to shift your perspective. And I think what has really been a life changer for me is gratitude. And I know people throw around that word a lot, and they say grateful a lot. I really saw that, literally felt and saw a transformation in me that was night and day, and it started in the hospital bed. I mean, this is so cheesy, but I was, you know, I would stay awake all through the night watching horrible infomercials on the hospital TV because that was all that was on. And I didn't sleep because the nurses would come and have to change my bandages every three hours. And I remember being awake by myself in the hospital and this infomercial for how to get a Brazilian butt came on. And I was sitting there looking. I swear I was like, I will never have a Brazilian butt. And look at all those beautiful girls in bikinis. Then I just started spiraling down into, like the dark Hole of despair. I was like, what if my husband never loves me again? What if I can't chase my daughter? What if I. What if I can't work? What if, what if, what if? And I was like, I have got to stop here. I have a choice. I can either go down that road of despair, or I can get grateful and start focusing on what I can do and what I do have. And so that's what I started doing. And I had this little notebook that somebody brought me in the hospital, and I started writing down, when I really noticed it, too, was I started writing down. My mom was really big when we were growing up on thank you notes. Like, we always had to write a thank you note.

Yeah.

And so I was. That's just so ingrained in me to write a thank you note. And I was like, I need to write down thank you notes to the nurses, to the people who came to see me in the hospital, to the friends who brought me food and flowers. And so I would write stuff down because I was so drugged up, too, that I thought maybe I didn't want to forget. And I noticed when I focused on what those people brought me, instead of staring down at my leg and wondering, is today the day they're going to amputate it? And just focusing on my leg, my leg, my leg life and all this, and focusing on other people, and then also of how I could be of service to other people. And I've had people go, well, how could you be of service when you were stuck in a hospital bed, you were in the hospital? And I said, oh, there was plenty of things I could do. I could call my clients up to check on them. I was given the nurses exercise, like, tips and advice on how to get a Brazilian butt, actually, while I was in the hospital bed, and I would have them come in and line up and start, you know, working out in there in the hospital room. And so there's so much you can do to be of service, and you don't have to have it all figured out, and you don't have to know all the answers. Sometimes you just. It's nice just to be there and make a phone call. And so those little things really started to shift my perspective and. And shifting how I looked at my imperfections really took time. I mean, I wish that it could. I could say it was magical. And overnight I just felt better. But it really took, like, just being willing to try to love myself a little bit more. And I like to even replace the, you know, love with accept.

Yeah.

And embrace myself a little bit more every day. And I think it helps, too, when we surround ourselves with people who genuinely care about us and who love us and who are passionate and inspired and they're puppy uppers and not doggy downers. That sure helps too, for sure. Because I know when I had a hard time embracing my imperfections, it really helped when I have, you know, my husband who loved me until I could love myself, that doctor who looked at my leg differently and gave me permission to start viewing it differently. And that changed my life. So I think when we surround ourselves, if there's somebody that can see the potential in us before we see it ourselves, man, that's magical.

Yeah, I love it. I love it. You know, you just encouraged me and I wouldn't even. And it was funny. You were. You didn't even notice. And that was the comment about, you know, my husband loved me until I was able to love myself. That just hit me right between the eyes. So I appreciate that because that's what I'm trying to do. Well, right now. You know, when we do look at imperfections, we all have them, right? We all have things that, you know, it comes down to comparison a lot of times, or the lack of self love, which you alluded to earlier in the show, which is obviously a lot of times tied to how we were raised and the environments we were in and all that kind of stuff. And, you know, it was interesting. I was going to ask you for, you know, kind of like three pivot points or three specific steps, and you kind of gave them start with gratitude, right? So let's, let's. And that is so true. I remember when I was coming out of homelessness and getting over my own suicide attempt, I just got to where I was just thankful that I was breathing. Like it was something so simple. And then that thankfulness for breathing became that thankfulness for having the ability to go to work. And that thankfulness became the ability to earn a living and then start a company. And, you know, it started a domino set, if you will, or a snowball, if you will. And I think that's pretty powerful. The second thing that I heard you obviously say is serve, right? Saying thank you. You know, just something simple. Sharing space. Leon Lagathetas with the kindness tyres was on not long ago. And his big thing was like, just be willing to sit and share space, you know, because most of us feel unseen, unheard, unvalued, unappreciated, or under appreciated, underseen, undervalued, that kind of Thing. And sometimes sharing space can be powerful for people.

Yeah.

Yeah. And the third thing that I just took away from that is obviously, you know, when it comes to loving someone that may be in a struggle is to just continue loving them. You know, I just thought that was brilliant. I can't. I can't thank you enough. And, you know, it's. I was going to leave you to my next point, but you've already kind of, like, schooled me on it, which is the gratitude that. Gratitude is alchemy that stuck out with me when I was watching some of your content. And, you know, I. I don't know. It's just. It's a powerful statement.

Well, you know what? It really. It is powerful gratitude and just saying thank you. Even in the most difficult times, I always say thank you. What is this teaching me?

Yeah.

And I practice it. I mean, I really practice gratitude because sometimes it's hard to be grateful when you struggling. You know, you're like, dang it, this is really hard. And you want me to be grateful. And so I really. You know, every morning I get up and I pray to God and I say, what? Thank you. I'm breathing. And you know what? Some days I wake up and my husband's snoring, and I'm like. And I wake up and I'm like, good God, he's snoring again. And then I switch that quick, and I'm like, thank you, God. He's breathing. Thank you, God. Thank you, God. And it shifts your whole day from the minute you wake up. Then I write down my intentions in my journal.

But.

And this doesn't take long. I mean, most of the time, my writing looks like chicken scratches just real quick. And I write down what I'm grateful for because I think there's something very healing and intentional when you get that pen to paper and you write it out. And then I reach out to someone, I have an accountability partner. And every morning for the past two years, we've reached out to each other and written to each other what three things that we're grateful for. I usually write a few more things that I'm grateful for because that gratitude is contagious. Those good vibes are contagious. And so I set my day up with that, and then I end my day with gratitude. So at night, I get in bed with my daughter, and she sometimes is so annoyed, especially last night, she was really annoyed because I threw a few more questions. So usually I would say, you know, what's the best thing that happened to you? Today, and what's one thing you're grateful for? And I ask her those. And sometimes her answer to it's really silly. But last night, you know, I was talking to one of my girlfriends, and she said, yeah, there's so much going on in the world, and I feel like I'm being pulled in a million different directions. She said, but there's something that my dad taught me to do at night. And she said, I always go to bed with these questions, like, did you see the month, the sun today? Did you see the moon today? Did you call somebody that you love? Did you. You know, she goes down this list. So I'm like, I love that idea. Like, to get into the moment, to really be in the present moment of life and look out and get outside and see the sun and moon. And so last night, I get in bed with my daughter, and I'm like, ruby, did you see the sun today? She goes, well, duh, mom, of course I saw the sun. We see the sun every day. And I said, well, did you see the moon? She goes, yeah, I saw the stars, too. And I said, well, did you call somebody that you love? And she said, mom, why are you asking me all these questions? And I said, well, you know, Ruby, some days I'm. I get so busy that I don't. I don't see the sun. And she said, well, that's because you're just too busy. You don't need to be that busy. You need to start living life more. And I was like, oh, okay.

School me on that one now.

Become the teacher.

I swear, I learned so much from my kids. So much. And you know what? I know that gratitude is so instilled in her because we were actually about six weeks ago, so Ruby and I were on our little razors, our scooters, and we were almost through the crosswalk when we had a car hit us head on. And thankfully, we were thrown and not rolled over and we got taken, you know, into the hospital. She was on a gurney. I was able to sit up. And about six hours we were later after the CAT scan came back normal, thank goodness. And the X rays, not one broken bone. It was miraculous. And I still have a messed up thumb, by the way. But anyway, you use your thumbs a lot. I didn't know how much you used them. But when we were getting released from the hospital, she goes. She goes, mama, we got rolled in here on a gurney, and we are walking out like champions. And she was just, like, grateful. And I'm like, you know what? You're so right. But I could. Could see the gratitude that she had. I could. I kept telling the nurses and doctors, thank you and everything because I was so grateful that we were alive and breathing. It could have been so much work, but it really is alchemy. It turns what you don't have into what you do have and what you can't do into what you can do.

Oh, man. I just love it. I love it. I love it so much. You know, it's funny, as you were talking, I was, you know, you were. You were kind of like throwing out some of the steps that you kind of put into your daily routine. So. So I'm a big believer that if you're going to get anywhere in life, whether you're trying to get a new job or you're trying to graduate school or you're trying to find your soulmate or whatever, that so much of that is intentional. It's perspective that we talked about already. But it's also just as important to have a reinforceable routine, if you will. There's a practice. There's a ritual, a practice of something that you're doing consistently to keep yourself developing and growing and whatnot. I'm curious to know, what does resilience look like in a daily routine? How does someone do that on a daily basis? Because I think if we can get some people some chugging along, we can get them to some unstoppable. Right?

Well, I had to really think about what were the things that I was doing on a daily basis that allow me to get out of a wheelchair when I was told I'd be wheelchair boundaries for the rest of my life that allow me to travel, even on a plane. Well, not with COVID but, you know, there's a lot of people with CRPs that they're like, oh, I can't fly. It just. It causes too much pain or the resilience it takes to be an entrepreneur and add pain on top of that. Holy cow, do we need that resilience? And so I think so much of it is mindset. So much of it is really being intentional with what your priorities are, what your values are. And for me, I have, like, a quick checklist that I do like. I know if I'm feeling kind of, you know, starting to get depressed or feeling really tired, that I'm definitely missing some of the things on the checklist. So I go through a checklist. I call it Pacer. And that came from my husband telling me to pace myself. And I was like, oh, really?

Myself? And These are all the things I do. And I started writing these things on a dinner napkin. And we've already talked about the perspective and the power of perspective and that's the pee in Pacer and how the easiest way to do that is to get grateful, to count your blessings, to really sometimes hunt for the good. And sometimes the easiest way to shift your perspective as well is I will look at, at either how far I've come. So I might go look back at a picture of myself when I was stuck in a hospital bed and go, oh, girl, you better be grateful that you can go outside and walk because you couldn't do that before. Or I will think about my hardest struggle, my hardest challenge, and how I overcame that. And that gives me a different perspective and also gives me the confidence to keep moving forward. But the next part of Pacer is acceptance. And we've talked about that a little bit. And so that's an everyday thing for me. It's an acceptance and awareness to really look at what is going on in your life. So for me, like, it's really like, what am I doing that's not working? Like what, what is working? Let me do more of that. And, and you, I think you have to take a good hard look at your life because a lot of times when we're in any kind of pain, whether it's what's going on with COVID with our businesses or our marriages or whatever it may be, we all go through painful moments. And instead of trying to, you know, binge on Netflix, to not deal with it or drink too much, eat too much, or maybe shop too much, it's really taking a good look at those things and being aware of them so you can start to take action steps to make your life the best that it can be. And then the next part is C for community. And that might be the most important part because I used to try to do it alone. I felt so alone. And I think that a lot of times, especially even as entrepreneurs, you know, you've got big businesses and it's hard to ask for help sometimes when you're like, yeah, and you're like, oh gosh, I don't know where to take, I don't know how to do this next thing. And that's why I think it's so important to have surround yourself in a community of like minded people. So for me, that looks like I have a support group that I created on Clubhouse on Fridays at noon for people with chronic pain with trauma. I'd love for your wife to Come and be a part of that. But then in my business, I'm big on masterminds. I think that it's really important to surround yourself with like minded entrepreneurs who are doing the same thing with you and others who have already paved the way. And so I love masterminds so much. I actually got certified as a mastermind consultant with a mastermind association. Now have my own. Yeah, because I mean, I think it's powerful. And you can, because like I said, I used to try to do everything on my own and I learned that did not work for me, especially in sobriety. You know, I'm a member of the 12 steps of recovery and I could not do that alone. So community is powerful.

I want to pause on Community for just a second. I definitely want to get all the way through PACER for sure. Because I think it's pivotal. I think everybody needs to hear it.

When it comes to community. Right. Specifically. So we know that a positive community can lift us up. We talked about masterminds, all that kind of stuff.

Right.

How do you look at communities, people, groups, relationships, all that stuff to keep yourself, you know, what we refer to as insulated, not exposed, meaning you're not, you're not putting yourself at risk to be in the wrong community, so to speak.

How do you kind of how to.

Not put yourself in the wrong? There's a lot.

What kind of things are you looking for to know you're in a healthy community?

Well, let me tell you, I've been real surprised by that because. And.

Deeply hurt at first because I was invited into a group which I thought was an insulated group. I thought I was not being exposed in a bad way. And it was a support group for complex regional pain syndrome. Now I had the opportunity to go on the doctor's TV and do an interview. Now with, with tv, you never know how they're going to edit it. It. So I had like a nine minute section that got compressed into like two and a half or three minutes.

They took out the part where I said, oh, I tried ketamine infusions, I tried a spinal stimulator, I tried all these medical treatments. And they basically just said, I've got crps and with my mindset, I get through pain with pacer and it stands for this, this, this and this. And so people were like, like furious with me in the CRPS community. Some who knew me, they were like, no, Amberly's legit. She's not trying to tell you that your pain isn't, you know, legit. That it's like, but this community was like based on who had it worse and shaming people and those. I was like, these are not my people.

Yeah.

And I think the most important thing for realizing if you're in the right community or not is to listen to your gut because your gut never lies. And you know, when you meet somebody. I knew when I met you, even just by the short, you know, messages that we were doing.

Yeah.

On Instagram, I was like, oh my gosh, he's so my people. Like, so my people. That I was like, people too.

Yeah.

My gut told me, oh yeah, he's my people. And I even was like, here's my phone number. Please give it to your wife.

Yeah.

Like I knew. Your gut doesn't lie. Your head will tell you things, you know, your head will try to tell you things. Your heart might tell you some things, but your gut, I feel like if you can get really good at listening to your gut, you know, based on people's energy. Now there's some really good con artists out there. My ex husband being one of those people.

But, but you know, I think that also when trust somebody and we met through Beau who I adore and I know, you know, you're friends with Evan, who I trust as well. And I feel like when you start surrounding yourself with these people who you're trusting, like it's the, the word of mouth.

Yeah.

That's how you start to meet those good quality people. And look, that's how I got invited on some of the big biggest stages was I didn't have the best resume. I am not the best speaker, I don't have the most talent, but I got grit, I've got integrity and I've got a heart. And so people know those things about me. They're like, I know Amberly is going to, you know, show up and give it her all. I know she is gives me her word on everything she does and she stands by it. And I know that she's got a big heart and she's going to share our event with the world. You know what I mean? So, um, I think that when it's though the community, when you start building those relationships, that's where the magic happens. It's the relationships.

Evan was telling me not, gosh, it's been a while. He and I are going to do another follow up interview in the near future. But he, I remember what, there was one thing that we did when I was talking to him and we had this. He said, man, because he's, you know, he's super bubbly, dude. I just. I just collect good people, you know, kind of thing. It's almost like he's like, it's my job to collect good people. And I was like, that is so power. That's such a powerful statement that I don't. I don't even know that he realized it at the time, because I just collect good people, you know?

I love that. Yeah. I was actually just in a clubhouse room the other day, and I met a friend. She's a friend now. Her name is Joy. And she's like, I'm a people collector, you know, I was like, I love that. I like that.

Yeah. Well, let's jump back into Pacer. I had to. I wanted to park a community for. For one vital reason that I see that the community sector is where people get a lot wrong, because they're just letting anybody through the gates and stuff like that. So I wanted to park there. Hope you don't mind, but no, it's.

Funny that you said letting anybody through the gates, because I actually have Maddie, who works alongside me. I call her the gatekeeper.

Yeah.

Because, I mean, I had no idea that when I started my podcast that I would get, like, 20 people easily. Easily 20 people a day emailing me, wanting to be on the show.

Yeah.

And I couldn't keep up with everything. And so I was like, okay, Maddie, you're the gatekeeper. So I'm. You're. That's. I trust. And. And she's someone who I truly trust with everything.

That is the Gatekeeper. So I love that you parked on that community for a while, because it is. That is, I think, like I said, the most powerful part of Pacer, and the next part is once you know that community, you can have. Help you with your endurance. Because when you surround yourself with people who are passionate, inspired.

Yeah.

You're going to want to be that way, too. And let me tell you, it does take a lot of endurance to being an entrepreneur, run a business, start a business, to have pain, to be mom. I'm a virtual school mom over here. I'm the lunch lady, and in my little home office and doing podcasting and coaching and online events here in this room. And it takes endurance, and that takes grit, man, which takes guts.

And it's really, I think, tapping into your why so you can. I tell this to my daughter all the time, Ruby. You got to know your why so you can get through the house. You got to know your why. Like she told me the other day. Yeah, Mom, I think I'M going to be vegan. And I'm like, well, why? Well, I don't know. I'm like, I saw it on social media. Yeah. I thought it was, like, the popular thing to do. I'm like, ruby, you got to know your why so you can get through the house. And she couldn't give me a why. And I'm like, okay, so this means you're giving up in and out. And she goes, no, I guess I'm not a vegan. Okay, in and out.

Suede, or. That's kind of funny.

Yep, that's right. So, yeah, I think that, you know, it's grit is where that your passion and your perseverance really comes into play, and it's really about your consistency and being persistent every day. Even if you're. If we're talking about social media alone, that takes a lot of persistence.

My team and I were talking about that today. We are putting out content almost seven days a week, and we've got a small team that's working on the content side of things as a whole. They're all committed. They all believe in what we're trying to do to help people and stuff like that. But even them today, we're screaming uncle.

Yeah.

Because it's a big lift. It's a lot of work just to put out quality content. You can throw up anything if you want to.

See, I don't want to throw up anything.

Yeah, I don't either.

Yeah, I don't. And I mean, I've. I've really. I did all my social media myself. I still create all the content myself, except for I have a graphics designer who helps with the videos and stuff. Thank goodness, because I sure couldn't do that. I finally have had to delegate things because if you want to grow, you want to keep your stamina, you got to learn to let go and delegate. And I've learned to really hire my weaknesses and just focus on my strengths, and everybody's better off that way because.

It is. It does take a lot of work. And I mean, I literally. And you know, I could sit here and say, I'm embarrassed to say this, but I'm not embarrassed to say I. I spend two hours on social media a day now. I still spend two hours on social media a day because I get.

God, I don't know, thousands of dms a day, and I like to go through those sometimes. I could have. I have had somebody help me with those, but it's not the same. She can miss things because she doesn't know what I heard on Clubhouse or what, and what I told those people to do or whatever. So I'm learning and know eventually that I won't be able to check all of those. But I get most of my business, actually through social media. I got. I booked my TED Talk through social media.

That's awesome.

And so I. That's why I love doing it. So it doesn't feel like work, but also, I get a lot of work from it.

Well, and you're also trying to put out quality content. You're not. You're not just, you know, I don't know. To me, there's, There's. It takes intention and effort to put out quality content, to actually engage with the audience, which is what you're doing to find out, hey, what it is that you. What is. What is it that you struggle with most that I might be able to help you solve or offer encouragement for? I mean, I think that's a great concept for sure.

Yeah, you really learn. I actually had this billionaire, okay, this guy, we spoke at the same event. I gave away a gratitude journal at the event. He gave away a house. That's just perspective. Like, he was a billionaire. So afterwards, he comes up and I was like, hey, way to one up me on giving away a house, dude. Wow, that's amazing. Well, he went and researched me and saw my social media, and he actually contacted me the next day and he was like, hey, yeah, you know, we're just really trying to build up our social media, and I would love to hire the company that does your social media for you. And I'm like, that would be me.

Well, you do that. I'm like, yeah, it's me. He goes, but who does your branding? I'm like, that would be me. I just am figuring things out. I said, I really don't know what I'm doing. He goes, no, but that's the beauty of it. You don't know what you're doing. But you seem to have figured it out so. And wanted to hire me for that. I'm like, no, I'll help you any way I can and share what I've learned, but that's not. That's not what I do. But I just thought it was funny. But. But yeah, and then we'll move on to the last part of that. I wanted to leave off of pacer. I wanted to just call it pace, but it's. I learned over and over and over the importance. Importance of the R for rest. And I'm telling you, in fact, I was just going through videos this morning. My whole life. I love going fast, I love speed, I love adrenaline. I'm an adrenaline junkie. I love getting gritty. The resting part was really hard for me and I think a lot of it comes from, you know, when I was growing up, resting meant quitting. Resting meant you weren't good enough. Resting was like, if you rest then your understudy might take your part for you or if you rest you might be kicked off the team or whatever. And I had to learn the hard way that the only way we can be resilient is if we do rest. I mean, we don't need it just for our body, we need it for our minds. You know, in order to be creative, we have to take time to unplug, get out. For me, I get out in nature. That's where I feel like I and spark joy and creativity again. But it really. I had to talk about how important the rest and the recovery and the rejuvenating yourself is. When I ended up in the ER year before last, before COVID six times when I kept getting infections and the doctor was finally like, you need to rest. And I was like, like, oh, my husband's told me that it didn't come across quite the same.

Tells me the same thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it really, you know, we have to know when to push ourselves selves past, like further than we thought we could go and when to give ourselves the gift of grace and rest. And sometimes that means finding time and creative ways to rest when we can't shut our brains off at night or we are in too much pain to rest. So yeah, that quick. And you know, I have downloadable. You can unleash your superpower in my handle on instagram @amberly lagomotivation. If anybody wants to see the breakdown of that in more detailed and. And have some tools to really make it applicable. Applicable. Apply it into their lives.

We were talking about before this interview how it's been a really busy day.

Yeah.

For both of us sometimes. Yeah. I think that when. When you're talking a lot, sometimes it starts to like ramble. It's good.

You know what, as long as it's for speaking value. People, people. I actually believe that this is going to sound weird, but I actually believe that people hear your heart before they hear your words. I really believe that. I really believe that you can do it in a text message. You can do it and you know, it's obviously better to do it in person or, you know, on camera or something like that. But I really feel like people have that spidey sense, and if you're. If you're being sincere or not, you know, kind of deal and, you know.

Thank you for saying that. I so. And I just wanted to share this with anybody who's listening today, because I really had imposter syndrome. Really bad. When I gave my TED Talk, I was the only person that didn't have a PhD and I told the curator, I was like, you know, I just wondered. I know the media is live and everybody has all these initials behind their name and PhD. I was like, do you think I said, I'm not trying to promote my book, but do you think you could at least list that I'm an author? She goes, wait a minute. Do you mean to tell me that you're, like, insecure that you don't have a PhD? And I was like, well, you know, my husband pointed that out and, yeah. And she said, you know what? You have a PhD in heart, and that's the reason we're having you speak on our stage is because of your heart. So anytime. Because I get imposter syndrome, still to this day about so many different things. I want you to try that next time. Anybody who's listening has imposter syndrome. That really works for me. I get out of my head into my heart and remember that it's not about me. It's about the people I serve anyway. So that gets me out of my ego and then allows me to have some confidence to go forward.

Yeah, I love it. I love it. I have sure enjoyed hanging out with you. I can't wait to do it again. We're going to have to do on Clubhouse and all these other different sources we can do. I know.

I'm going to follow you on Clubhouse. Ping me into any room so I can come and cheer you on.

Well, our mutual friend Bo is trying desperately to get me more active in Clubhouse. He says, do people have to see you? I'm like, I'm busy. He's like, I don't care. Get on Clubhouse.

Well, you know Bo, you tell him next time you talk to him, he's like, oh, I see you on Clubhouse. I'm like, yeah, Bo and I keep inviting you to come up to the stage, and you keep saying, not now, but thanks. So tell Bo we're going to get them on stage.

We're going to do that for sure. Absolutely. Well, look, I wanted to. I wanted. We're a little over time, and I don't care. I've had such a good time. Hope you don't mind that I stole a little bit more of your, of your time here?

Oh, I just appreciate you so much.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Well, I wanted to talk about the brand new mastermind you got coming up. Right. So I'm all about unstoppable. So talk about it about the brand new mastermind because I think people should check it out for sure.

Oh, you are? Thank you for mentioning that. That's something I'm really, I think the most excited about because a mastermind changed my life. I'm not kidding you. It moved the needle on my business. When you can connect with like minded people, entrepreneurs, people, and here's the difference. Okay. So when I wanted to write my book, I started telling friends and family and they're like, good luck with that girl. You don't even own a computer. But then when I went to someone who had published 75 best selling books, he was like, oh yeah, all you need to do is do this, this and this and you'll be an author. And I was like, okay. That's what a mastermind is. So a mastermind, you are surrounded by people who've already done these things, who can guide you, who can tell you the mistakes to avoid. So you get to point A to point B faster. And my mastermind is not just about business. It's really mind, body, spirit, life, transformation and all the steps to do it. So that's what I'm most excited about right now. And just, you know what, you can text me if you want more information. You can text me at 818-21473. Just text the word mastermind and I'm happy to hop on a call with you. I answer all my text messages. It's, it's me. That is me. I don't have a gatekeeper for that yet. I haven't quite let go of that one because I like this video is.

Going to go pretty far.

It's gonna go viral. Okay, let's, let's get this one viral.

Yeah, we're gonna tell your husband to get, get different phone numbers soon.

Yeah, I'll be like, he'll be like, who the heck is texting you?

Yeah, I mean, look, people, I'm a firm believer. People suffer in silence because they don't know any better. And people like you, myself, Evan, all these different people are trying really hard to change that. You know, we're trying to get put out the information people need to hear that motivates their heart, their mind, their body, their spirit. And I can't thank you enough for hanging out with us for a little while today. That's been such a joy.

Oh, it's been awesome talking to you. And if you're in LA ever, you and your wife come see us, but we'll have to take you out to dinner.

That sounds good. I might have. I might be out there in the near future if you guys will ever get out of lockdown.

I know. Well, we got restaurants open outside now, so come on.

All right, sounds good. Well, everybody, you heard it. Everybody go check out Amberly. She gave you all kinds of handles. We'll make sure we put the stuff in the show notes below, or description, I should say. But, Amberly, thanks again. Can't wait to see you again.

Oh, thank you so much.

All right, bye. Amberly is simply amazing. And I know you got a lot out of that interview, and if you did, I know you're going to get a lot of the next one. So make sure you check this one out right here.

I am fighting for my life. Yeah, I'm fighting. I'm fighting for my life and trying to find enjoyment in my life, even if it's limited.