Conquer The Darkness And Embrace Life

My child would rather be dead than be with me. I got the message from the TV station saying, hey, will you share this story? I was like, you insensitive. How dare you ask me to share my pain publicly, My greatest heartache. But I sat in my car broken and I just said, I need help. I don't know where to go. I don't know what to do. I don't know if she's going to make it. But if she lives, please help me. This is what we know. People don't want to die. They just want to kill the pain. And they don't know how to kill the pain unless they end their life. I said, God, please save her. Help me for people who care. My child is alive. She's doing great. And that's, that's something big to think about. I mean, whatever it is, if somebody's watching that's struggling right now, it's like, listen, it gets better. Yeah, there's more on the other side of whatever it is you're dealing with and you can get through it and you're loved and we need you.

Hey, guys. Welcome back, everybody. Back to build. Look, I'm super excited for you guys to be here. It's kind of funny because I'm always excited for you guys to be here. I really appreciate you guys liking and sharing and commenting. It's been a huge help for the channel. It's been a huge help for all of us. You know, one of the things that I set out to do not long ago when I realized actually, you know, I used to say on stage a lot that many of the greatest voices on the planet have yet to be heard because many of the greatest voices on the planet have been so busy doing their area of expertise that they haven't slowed down long enough to actually get on a media platform and actually show up to do the work well, to let you guys know they exist and then for you partner with them. And as a result, I began doing something a little bit different with the show. I began not only having the, the world class guests that you're also know like and trust and are accustomed to, but also introducing you to new world class guests as they're actually building out their platforms and brands and things of that nature. And it wasn't that long ago I met a young lady named Brandy who actually is the founder and CEO of Promise to Live. Now, Promise to Live is something I'm really excited to jump into you and tell you all about today with Brandy. But more importantly, before we jump in, there Part of the reason I'm doing that, and I think, I don't know if I've shared this on the show before, but for those of you who don't know, about 30 years ago, it's been a while, I almost took my own life. I came very, very close. Very, very close. And if it hadn't have been for a lynchpin of a person named Susan Batts, aka Mama Wama, she passed away from cancer in 2016, unfortunately, I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't have written books, I wouldn't have graced stages, I wouldn't be training people, I wouldn't be teaching people all these kinds of things. And so many times we get lost in the scenario of kind of where we're at now that we forget there is a future ahead of us because we're the present. Seems so, well, difficult. Right? So I'm sharing that publicly for the first time and I'm hoping to share more about it. But with all that in mind, I want to introduce you to Brandy Vega again, founder and CEO of Promise to Live, also owns a media company, also does a lot of amazing things out in the Utah area. Literally world class individual. So, Brandy Vega, welcome to the show. Can't wait to talk to you more.

Thank you. And you know what? I am so glad you're still here, Steven. I mean, just think about that moment and how it could have changed everything. And then you sit here and you ponder for a minute just the ripple effect of your life and how much good and what impact and influence and it all could have been wiped away in just a minute. So thank you for being here.

Thank you for acknowledging that. You know what's really interesting, I was having a little bit of deja vu because, you know, we had several guests on today. We've been, you know, kind of recording podcasts left and right and building community, and everybody's like, just jamming and loving on each other. It's been amazing to watch, you know, but one of the things that stood out to me is we're, we're sitting in a safe haven, which I told the audience about six months ago that I felt like, I feel like God is calling me to safe haven. I'm going to create a safe haven for entrepreneurs. We're going to anyone that graces the threshold of that door is going to come here and get rested, replenished, relaunched, all those types of things. And as I'm sitting here and I'm thinking about what you just said, I'm thinking I'm Thinking about this.

I can't believe that I almost threw. I almost gave this up.

And all I had to do was go through a little bit of extra work.

So I can relate. I had a suicide attempt at 12. And that's why I was so passionate about it before, because I sat there and after I had kids and I joined the military, I interviewed the President of the United States. I adopted kids through foster care as a surrogate. I look at my life and go, wow, I've had this amazing career, beautiful children, and none of that would have happened if I couldn't have made it through that single moment when I was 12 years old. And that's something big to think about. I mean, whatever it is, if somebody's watching that's struggling right now, it's like, listen, it gets better. There's more on the other side of whatever it is you're dealing with, and you can get through it, and you're loved and we need you.

That's true. Amen.

Yeah.

You know, I. I intentionally did not prepare any questions for our conversation today, and I didn't do that because I feel like in order to break the stigma of mental illness and things that people face that, you know, like me, like you lead us to potentially make a bad decision for ourselves.

I felt like honesty and transparency is the only way forward.

Yeah. And vulnerability.

So, with that in mind, I guess my first real question to you directly is.

What are you seeing right now that is.

Well, holding people back from leaning into, reaching out for help or. And. Or what are you seeing right now that's actually helping them come on the come, you know, get through the darkness into the light?

Yeah. I think one of the biggest things holding people back is. Is life. We. We feel so much weight. We feel so many burdens. We see so much going on. Social media has a big impact. We're more conn. More disconnected than we've ever been in the history of ever, because we're tied to things. But it's that shame. It's the fear, it's the stigma. And I think what we're trying to do is shift that through the lessons that we've learned to say, okay, I can talk about my mental health. I don't have to be perfect. I can still be a good wife, a good mother, a good business person, and struggle. And I think when we take the power away, when we move that into the light, it doesn't have to dwell in the darkness anymore. So there were conversations about drugs, there's conversations about sexuality, and different things. That we have important conversations with our kids or our friends or our co.

Workers or we should be having. In many respects. Yeah.

And they don't happen. They're important and necessary. And so that's kind of what we're hoping to do with mental health, is make this shift. But for us, the biggest thing is just talking about it.

Yeah. You know, it's. It's interesting to me. I think one of the things that I've seen, if I. It's funny, I allow myself to go backwards every now and again. I don't, I intentionally don't stay there because obviously those. I've learned my lessons and now hopefully use that to empower thousands, billions of people, depending on who's watching or listening. I think for me, there were two things that were happening and my greatest moment of need. First of all, I didn't feel like anybody saw me. Now, if I'm honest with myself, I didn't feel like people saw me, but I wasn't exactly allowing myself to be seen.

True.

So that's. I'm just me being honest.

That's fair, right.

So it's this honest conversation.

And then I also felt grossly misunderstood. I felt that if my. Anytime that I would speak up or I would have words that would come out of my mouth, I would feel like they wouldn't be understood. And maybe it's because the early days, maybe I was sharing it with the wrong people. Right. Someone who couldn't really relate or understand and, you know, maybe. Maybe it's something different. But at the grand, in the grand scheme of things, I think I felt again, I wasn't being seen.

Which decreased my value, at least emotionally, intellectually.

And then again, I would have these moments of like, I just. I feel myself. And if I would try to tell somebody, you know, I would kind of struggle with that. In the work that you've been doing and while you've already told us about your attempt as well, I know you had someone close to you that also was honestly, it seems like, became the catalyst for promise to live.

Absolutely.

So how much of maybe the, the, the, the feeling of not being seen, the maybe the concept of being misunderstood, or is there other greater emotional triggers or patterns or common denominators that you see influence that.

I think everything's really individual for people. But what's been blowing my mind lately is just talking to individuals and hearing that every single person is going through something. And even the people who you think have everything together say, I'm struggling with this or that. And I just Think it's the one thing that we all have in common. And you know, with my story, my suicide attempt gave me an appreciation for mental health. And so I got educated and I was kind of teaching it. I knew what to look for, I knew all these things. And I would go to schools and talk about, oh, if somebody starts withdrawing and they start selling their stuff, if they start having these negative thoughts, I would share. So I knew what to look for. And my background, just a little bit about me. Joined the army, broadcast journalist, public affairs, worked in military, worked in TV news.

Excuse you saw some stuff.

I saw a lot of things. Got interviewed the President, worked at the War college, started reporting for fox news at 20. Worked in media. A lot of my career, if it bleeds, it leads was my background. You know, I had seen this stuff, I had done all of this, built a studio, found myself as a single mom, but felt like I'm really savvy, I keep up with things, I know what's going on, I'm a great mom. And then all of a sudden my 12 year old tried to end her life. And you know, and the first time, because I was a single mom building a big business, doing all this stuff, I was actually doing a production for the NFL. The first time I'm on the draft day and all of a sudden my phone's blowing up and I'm trying to, you know, we're live and I'm trying not to look and I see this and it just, it changed my whole world. But the first time, we buried it like a deep, dark secret because we feel like it defines us. You know, we feel like we can't share if we're struggling or if somebody we love is struggling or if we have these thoughts or feelings. And I felt that it was like, man, I must be the most horrible person on the planet. My child would rather be dead than be with me. I'm a failure. I don't want anyone to know this because then they're not going to want to be around me or do business with me. They're going to judge me. It's all the shame. And so we buried it deep, dark secret. Two years. Didn't really talk about it. We survived it, thank God. But then we go through this process and two years later I woke up to police banging on my door. And thankfully her friend had the courage to call 911. Police woke us up. We got to the hospital in time, but they didn't have any beds because they had so many kids trying to end their life. From 8 to 18. And it was terrible. And I remember having a breakdown. But I wasn't the only one. It was the doctors, too. They're in there, like, going, what in the world is going on?

And it was just a really hard time. And we did not know for almost two days if my child was going to be okay and be functional. And it was the hardest two days of my life where I had to swallow my pride. And, you know, I'd volunteered at the hospital for seven years doing spiritual care. Nobody dies alone. I sat with a lot of kids and patients and different people.

When it's your baby, when it's somebody you love sitting there, it just. It's this whole different level. And for the first time, I had to just let go of any ego and. And I did the most vulnerable video I've done videos, hundreds and thousands of videos throughout my career. But I sat in my car broken, and I just said, I need help. I don't know where to go. I don't know what to do. I don't know if she's going to make it, but if she lives, please help me. That video went viral. 12,000 views on my personal page overnight. Hundreds of messages from amazing friends and colleagues and people that I'd go, wow, they're like the Stevens of the world. You look at them and just think, that guy doesn't have a single concern. Handsome, successful, all the things. You look at it and go, but these people were messaging me saying, my story, my story, my story. And it blew me away. And at that same time, I got the message from the TV station saying, hey, will you share this story? I was like, you insensitive. Beep, beep. That's how I felt. It was like, how dare you ask me to share my pain publicly. Publicly. My greatest heartache and failure. You know, we want to. Yeah, get me on your podcast. Let me talk about promise to live.

Yeah.

My studio, all the success, all day. Hey, tell me why your child wanted to kill themselves. Yeah, tell me why they'd rather be dead than be with you. You know, and it was really hard, and I was disgusted, actually. I said, no way. I'm not going to be on your. I'm not doing the news story. But, you know, at that point in time, I learned to surrender. And I submitted my will and I said, God, please save her. Help me. And that's when I got a message. And that was kind of the catalyst to this whole event. And I'm happy to say, for people who care, my child is alive. She's doing great. She builds professional mascots. So if you see the Dallas Mavericks or the Kansas City Chiefs or any of these people, she's built those mascots, and she's doing really well. But this has been a process. And what I found was, like, through the power of a promise during that time is how could we really make a difference and what could we do? And the news station called me back after I made a promise to God that I'd do anything, because I was given a message that said, I'll give you a second chance, but there won't be a third. And my daughter woke up, and I said, are you glad you're alive this time, or do you wish you would have died? And she said, mom, I didn't really want to die. This is what we know. People don't want to die. They just want to kill the pain. And they don't know how to kill the pain unless they end their life. And so I love programs and taking this back and educating people and letting them know that there are other ways. So for us, two weeks later, the TV station called me back. NBC called back, and they said, brandy, we've never seen suicide rates this high. Nobody will talk. Will you reconsider? And I was like, no. I was terrified. And I've done a lot of hard things, but I was terrified.

I want to ask you, so I guess I'm going to stop you there for just a quick second. So.

As you were talking and you began, one of the things that came up was judgment and shame and guilt. Yeah, Right. So the fear of being judged, the feeling of shame, guilty, could be two way street. It could be, I feel guilty about something that happened. We're guilty that I even feel this way. And then you also brought up something interesting, which was.

The fact that you jumped on Instagram, I think it was, and then shared and then did share vulnerably publicly, and you got a massive response.

I did, Right.

And then at the same time.

We tell ourselves that if we speak up, we're going to be judged. We have a reason to be. Have shame, and we have a reason to have guilt. But yet when we do speak up, the exact opposite happens. Or it seems to happen.

Yeah.

Was that. I mean, am I piecing that together correctly?

Yeah, I think you are. And in a lot of ways, it's like, yes, you see that, but there still are the trolls who are like, yeah, you know, you must be horrible. And that's kind of what you find is some people are so miserable. But the truth of the matter is when it really matters. People are good and they come together and it's relatable. They're like, wow. By you speaking, this is what I heard. You gave me the permission. And I've learned one word that changes everything, too, throughout this process. And it's really. So if I say to you, how are you doing? Versus how are you really doing? And so I had all these people reaching back out because I think in my message, I had given them sort of the really in it to say, I've never been this open and this raw, but I am because I'm hurting and because it matters and lives are on the line. And that's when they come back and they go, wow, let's be real together. I'm struggling, too. What do I do?

Yeah. Wow. You know, it's. It's funny. I was also. I'm not. It's not funny. It's. Sometimes I say funny and I mean the word interesting. Because I find. I find I. Again, my. The way my brain is wired, and I've been this way since my salvation experience 30 years ago at a litter box got Jesus on the wall over there in the dining room.

At that moment, I was given the ability to find common denominators and things and then piece them together like a puzzle.

Yeah.

To come up with a, you know, kind of a clear image or clear puzzle.

And one of the things that I'm. I'm continuing to sense. Right. So there's the element of.

I would refer to it as generation. It could be generational trauma or generational trends or some would say bondage. Some would say, like. I don't know if I like the word bondage as much as I'm like, there are. I think there are legitimate things that seem to cycle their way through a family's lineage until it bumps into somebody who's willing to change it. Right.

Yeah.

And sometimes it seems like that bumping into that lineage. Also, it'll keep knocking because God has chosen that person to stand in the gap. Right. So.

Yeah.

And so as I'm hearing you talk and as I'm hearing you share one, I appreciate your vulnerability and honesty. This is exactly what I wanted the show to be. And the reason being is because while I don't want to, you know, there's. You don't ever want to have, like, a cloud over your head and all kinds of stuff. Constantly at the same time, it's a real conversation. And at the same time, your journey is exactly what led you to promise to live yeah.

And it's interesting you say that, because I remember at the hospital, you know, when I was begging God for a miracle and a second chance, I remember thinking, you didn't learn the first time. You didn't do what I needed you to do. And I thought, could you go back?

But that make you feel guilty, though?

Yeah, it did, because I went, you know, the first time because of the shame and the fear and the stigma, whatever it was, all the. All the negative things, I buried it. And then it was like, brandy, no, this is what we can't do. This is what everyone does. And so I was sitting there thinking about it, and I was like, I. I didn't move this message forward. And maybe it is up to me, because I can tell you, if I didn't have the personal experience, the professional experience, the passion behind it, if I didn't have a why, there's no way this movement would exist, because it's just too much work. But, you know, one of the things when we talk about that, when you talk about roi, you know, this is a business podcast in many ways, about building, but building in people and in humans. And so I look at the ROI of this, and I go, we've saved so many lives in a way that could only be done through my experience, because of the way that I felt it and what I went through and how we've been able to translate it. So the second part of the story is when the media called me back and I was terrified to do it. I knew I had to, even though I didn't want to. And what I said in that interview and what I'll say to your viewers and to anyone who ever listens to me is, is stop what you're doing. Go ask your kids, your spouse, your loved ones, point blank. Are you suicidal? Are you feeling like you might hurt yourself? Honest questions get honest answers. You don't plant an idea. So I said this during the broadcast, and the point of this is to show how powerful one voice can be. And after the broadcast aired, I got a text message from a father, and he said, you just saved my daughter's life. Well, I said, what do you mean? He goes, I watched your story on the news. I felt impressed, right as you said to go talk and check on her, I went in her room. She had written her suicide note. She was in the process of ending her life, and I'm at the hospital now with her. And that, for me, was everything, because I thought I didn't want to go on here and talk about it. Because of everything I felt. But then I knew by opening my mouth, her life was saved. And then another family messaged me in the morning and said, thank you for being vulnerable. Their words. We talked to our 15 year old. He confessed he was gonna kill himself this weekend. We're getting help.

Wow.

And that was the start of my mission. And that's been our mission, is if we can talk about it. You don't have to be an expert. And what I teach people is ask. Here's an easy one. You wanna know ask, It's a simple acronym. We work with MTV on it. It's acknowledge support. Keep in touch. Hey, I know you're going through a hard time right now. I know maybe you lost your job, your spouse, your kids are struggling. Are you okay? How are you really doing? So I'm asking you, and I'm acknowledging that you're going through something. And then I say, steven, that must be really hard. I'm sorry that you're going through that challenge. I'm supporting you. I got your back. And then. Kay. Keep in touch. Do you want to talk about it? Do you want to go grab a drink tonight? Do you want to go to lunch tomorrow? Can we talk next week? So anyone who's sitting there saying, I'm not an expert, I don't know what to do or say, just ask. You don't have to be an expert. You just have to give a. Can give a care.

Yeah, that's it. Wow. You know, I think. I think I shared this, The. This with you the first time we connected through Melissa, our amazing friend.

And one of the things that. And to give you an idea, I was traveling a lot, and she's like, stephen, I really want you to meet Brandy. I'm like, you know, you know, you know, I'm like, I'm Atlanta this week, I'm in Florida next week. I'm over here, like this kind of thing. And she goes, she goes, just trust me. You want to meet her? I said, cool, right? So we got. Obviously got the call on the thing, and then I realized there was a lot of. A lot of overlap with my story.

You know, the. The woman I mentioned to you before, Susan Batch, she gave me literally 11 words that I've used many times since then, which is. And everybody's heard this part before. This too shall pass. People have heard that before. Right. But then there's an element of hope. So there's. This too shall pass. This too shall pass is an evidence of endure to me. So, like, just endure. No. So it doesn't mean you endure like necessarily just straight pain. You need to get, you need to get help and you know, and things of that nature. But then she said something was really interesting and she said, and what comes next will be greater. Right.

It's powerful.

And to give you a little, just a little, just a brief timeline from the moment that she talked me off the bridge. It's at 440 in Kepper Boulevard. In fact, the next time we do event in Raleigh, I want you to come out and I'll take you to the spot, please. It's three miles from my venue that I still have in Raleigh. From the time that I left that bridge to the time that I found my faith, to the time that I started the company that I sold in 2023 from the Trash piles of construction site was about a two week window.

Wow.

And then I look around, it's like.

I'm adhd, dyslexia, didn't finish high school and somehow some way God used me to build a multi million dollar business, was in three states, had hundreds of team members. I learned a lot in the process, both on leadership, team building systems, processes and stuff which I think gave me the ability to see different pieces and pull stuff together.

One of the things that happened during that, I think I shared this with you during that time is one of the things that happened with me is I began to be invited to speak for the uso. Specifically at the time was the USO of North Carolina. Right. Which still covered a lot of ground.

Right.

Okay. And a good friend of mine, Kelly Willoughby, was the leader of the reset programs. We had warrior reset, Spouse reset, and Family reset. Okay. The original program's design was to help armed forces personnel reintegrate their life back with their families and stuff post deployment. Right. And a lot happens during deployments. Right. Moral injury was a term that was used a lot, which I'd never heard before, which is obviously a lot of it has to do with taking a life that you don't want to take, but you're taking it, you know, to save lives and all this kind of stuff, which, you know, it's funny to me because sometimes folks will be very hateful about that. But if you go back to the Bible, okay, King David was known for being a warrior of thousands. He was also the guy to be in the Psalms and exhibit his heart wide broken. And I've always said that he, he became a king in a cave. Right. The reason I share all of that is because one of the things that became very prevalent When I first started, there was. The message that seemed to resonate was centered around mental health, slash suicide prevention. And I remember there was a speaker one time who was psychologist or.

Somebody, mental health professional, right? And they specialize in ptsd. Okay? So post traumatic stress disorder. And they spoke ahead of me one time. And the way in which it came out, I know they were trying to be helpful, but the way in which it came out, I was like, there's no hope for you. You're always going to feel this way. You're always going to struggle with these tendencies. You're always going to. I'm like. And something inside of me knew that was absolutely not true. And so I. My turn comes to speak. And for the first time ever, I shared my. I shared the. The. Like, the. The, like, the true story. Because it takes a while to, like, really tell with real clarity about the bridge and kind of this. Kind of the. What happened and all this kind of stuff. And then they had a dry erase board there. And I was like.

And in my mind, I saw a quadrant. Yeah, I saw four blocks. Okay? So I walk over to the board and I say, I don't know, guys. This is like the quadrants of conflict. So I write the name quadrants of conflict at the top. I said, the reality is, you know, you've got really four or five main areas of life. You have a financial picture, emotional picture, spiritual picture, and a physical picture right in your life. And we were going through this process. I. I had somebody stand up, say, tell me, like, just we're in an emotional. Where do you think you are right now? You, scale of 1 to 10, where do you think you're at? He's like, oh, I'm six. Financial. Oh, man, that's a three, dude. Physical dude was ripped. I was like, I'm a nine. Yeah, right? And so we did that. We did a little bit of the. The. The math, right? We found like an.

Average. Average number. And he was like. I think his average number was like, seven. I said, so here's what I can tell you about you right now from just what you just shared. Like, this is not me being, like, super intuitive or anything.

You feel like you're making progress, but you're constantly frustrated. A lot of times you feel like you're not enough, but you push through anyway. And you seemingly live a pretty good life. You know, you face overwhelm, you face burden, you face these types of things. And he's like, bro. Starts tearing up. Like, bro. I was like, all right, well, let's do somebody else. So he's like, he says, man. He's like, dude, that was amazing. Right? And I felt like God highlighted somebody to me. So I went to this other person, it was a female. And she stood up and I said, okay, what's your name? She shared her name. I said, okay, let's do the same exercise. So let's be honest. Where, where do you think you're at right now? In emotional state? Just emotional. Well, being health wise. Right, good. I included, for me, emotional and mental were kind of tied together. So there's not a separate in my mind quadrant for that on 703. So, okay, where do you, how are you doing physically? And she was like, I mean, she looked like she was in good shape. She says, honestly, I've got, I had an injury on a deployment. I've, I feel like this, my body feels like a wreck. I'm on, you know, I'm taking painkillers, I'm doing these things. So it's, it's a three.

Went through the financial picture three.

Next one was a three. So her average was a three. I said, is it safe to say that you've been contemplating taking your life? And she just starts crying. And about that time, six other people around her, men, Marines, started crying.

What I learned was you could do this exercise with anybody, sit down at a paper and pen. Where are you at in these four categories? And if you're about a six or below, you need to get help pretty much immediately. If you're a seven to about an eight, you know, it'd be nice to have some, an accountability partner, stuff like that. You get above that, you start feeling like you're thriving. Right. And I say that, to say that so many times. The evidence is hidden in plain sight. What I discovered was in that moment and it became a signature piece of content, honestly called the quadrants of conflict that I use for marriages, I use for all kinds of things. Right. Because you can break things down based on where people are at. You can see where. And it's, they're rating themselves in the moment, not knowing what the outcome is going to be. And what was really interesting about that is I was, it helped me uncover the coverable. Right. You, because you're, you're, you're not thinking about, I'm a three, I'm a four, I'm of this, I'm a that. And it takes the mask off, which is long winded way to say what processes and systems are you seeing that allow people to take the mask off, to actually Ask for the help they need.

Yeah. Well, I think, again, thank you for sharing that and thank you for the work that you're doing, because as you're going through it, it made me emotional because I'm seeing that too. And it's like, you know, we host these town halls and when we bring in experts every single month that talk about different areas and, you know, we're going through it. And a lot of ours focuses on the power of a promise, which I want to get to about the promise that you made.

What's her name? Mama.

Mama.

Mama.

Yeah.

I want to go back to that because that's a big premise on what we're doing. But I think, again, it's giving them the safety, creating the safe haven as you have here to be able to say it's okay to talk about it, and that's really what we have to do, is when you open up these opportunities and people know it's okay to share and they can really see it, know that they're not broken and know that there's hope. Like, that's probably the number one thing when we look at it. But for us, ours goes into the power of a promise. So when we don't love ourselves enough, when we're going through financial trauma, when we're going through marital, emotional, whatever it is, sometimes we don't love ourselves enough to want to stay, get up, focus, move at all. But I love somebody else. My kid, my husband, whatever it is. And so what we've decided to do and what we've asked everyone is we want people to make a promise to reach out for help. What does that look like? It doesn't matter. Just promise that you will, a friend, a family member, a resource, AFSP, NAMI, JED, Trevor, the VA, or call or text 988, which, if people don't know, that's the 911 for mental health. So our big part is making that initial promise because none of these treatments, none of this other stuff matters if you're not here.

You know, it's funny when you would. Again, when I say funny, I mean interesting, not hilarious.

I remember down. I was down actually downstairs in my. My office here at the house, and I was sharing. You began sharing with me how the promises are made and kept. And I was like, I did make a promise.

You did.

My, My promise to Susan again, if I didn't share it already, was. I would call her at 9am the next morning. She got me from. Out of crisis.

Yeah. And what did she do? She acknowledged you. Hey, I Know you're struggling. I know you're here. It's okay. I'm here for you. She supported you.

Mama Bear also came out too. I got you.

I got you. You're not gonna do this. I love you. Stop. And keep in touch. You're gonna check in with me tomorrow. What she didn't realize is the power of a promise. And maybe she did, but that's what we've found is there is significant power. In fact, general studies show if you make a promise right now, ahead of time, you're up to 60% more likely to keep it when it counts. Now that's a generic promise, but does it matter? So if I get you to make me a promise, what are you gonna think about? You're gonna go, man, I can't let them down. I don't wanna disappoint. My word means everything. There is power in a promise. You know what is a marriage? It's a promise. So when we're getting people to make that promise to live, it's so critical. And it's such an easy way to have the conversation to go. You know, we have these pocket hugs and it was fun. Cause I was able to give em out to the some of the team here today. And I made these, which I thought.

This is brilliant, by the way.

Thank you. And you know, we ask people to make the promise to live. You get a coin to keep and a coin to give. The coin for you to keep is a reminder that you are enough. That you're loved. You can do hard things. It's a tangible reminder. We sit here and we hold it, and I want to share briefly how it started, because it is about connection. It's just like, mama, mama. I had somebody who I didn't even really know. So if somebody's coming on your mind and heart right now as we're talking, I would say, let's reach out to that person. But this girl that was a childhood friend of my husband, she saw the work I was doing talking about this, and she sends me a card in the mail randomly. Never talked to her, Nothing. She goes, brandi, I follow you on social media. I see everything you're doing. You're always helping everyone else, but how are you really doing? And she sent me this generic coin that just had a heart on it. And it said pocket hug. And it said just a hug from me to you. And I was just like, like, wow. It meant so much to me because I look like I have it all together. I'm out speaking about this stuff. I Have no problems, no worries, no concerns. I figured it all out. No, it's hard. Yeah, it's really hard. And sometimes it's a lonely road. And the fact that somebody checked on me who didn't know me well made.

It less of a lonely road.

Yeah. And I took that coin, and I was like, this is so cool. And I kept it in my pocket, and I held onto it, and every time I touched, I was like, huh? It was like this little boost of energy. I felt good. I'm reminded that I matter. And I was like, that is so cool. And I kept it in my pocket with me every day. I touched it just like I am right now. You fiddle with me, you find it. It's a comfort. It's an emotional support coin. Anyways, hold on to it. And I got asked to speak at my friend's son's funeral. I spoke at her daughter's funeral nine years earlier when I did. Nobody dies alone at the hospital.

You get to meet people in their hardest moments of their life, and you build these lifelong connections that never go away. And so I was with their daughter for five weeks while she fought for her life. And it was ruled a suicide. And I spoke at her funeral. She was about 35 years old. Police dispatcher left behind two kids and a family. And nine years later, I was now asked to speak at her son's funeral. 35 years old, overdose. And I'm sitting there, and I'm just sick. I'm like, how am I gonna do this? She's lost two of her three kids. You know, I was just broken. And I'm clinging to my coin that this sort of stranger sent me. And I felt inspired to give her my coin. And I reached in my pocket, I said, kathy, somebody sent this to me. And it got me through some hard times. I want you to have this pocket hug and know that I love you, that you matter. And I'm here if you need me, but don't forget it. So she takes it. She keeps it in her pocket. She messages me a week later, and she goes, brandi, I have to tell you, that little pocket hug you gave me got me through the hardest week of my life. The mornings I thought I couldn't get out of bed. I didn't think I could focus. I touched it, and I felt like you were there with me. And it gave me the comfort and it gave me the courage to get through these things. And I was like, wow. If it did it for me and it did it for her, what if we could do it for everyone. And so I went back, I designed these and we had them made. And we've given out over 80,000 of these pocket hugs. And it says on the back, says, when times are tough and you don't know what to do, here's a hug from me to you. And then it says at the top, caller text 988 if you're struggling. And it has our website with resources. And so we've been doing that to try to combat one we all need. It doesn't matter if you're the CEO of a billion dollar company, you need to know that you're mad.

He's very surprised at how many very successful people on paper feel very empty inside. I will tell the audience point blank, I've shared it numerous times in different ways.

That outside of that bridge moment, my loneliest moment is when I seemingly had everything.

Yeah.

Could do what I want, go where I want, had money, had all the things and yeah, it was, it was empty.

Isn't that why.

Because you, because you achieve all the things that you're told you're supposed to.

Achieve and then it's like, what next?

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. What fulfills me is just doing this. Why we started doing the show. It's why we started. So I started speaking. It's why I started writing books. It's like there's the greatest purpose in life you ever have is they say is serving the person used to be. Or that's what I used to say from stage. But on top of that, the greater purpose is coming up with conduits to serve the people used to be.

Well. And to serve others. Like you're feeling depressed, okay, go serve someone else. Go help somebody else. I mean, homeless at the airport yesterday, they were trying to get the flights arranged and I was talking to the agents and then I said, you know, can I give you guys a hug? They're like, huh? And I gave them these little pocket hugs and these two gate agents got teary eyed and said, how did you know I needed this today? They go, can I have a real hug? So they come around the counter and I'm hugging the, you know, the airport workers and they, they needed a moment. We all need that. We all need to know that we're seen. Yeah, somebody cares. A reminder maybe that it could be a reminder from God that you can be his voice, his eyes, his hands that day. But there's also an epidemic of loneliness. People feel so alone. And so this has been a really good way to do that and to have the conversations I've talked to so many people who say, brandi, my kids are struggling, my coworkers. So you say, hey, things are tough, but I love you and I care, and I made a promise to reach out, and I want you to do the same thing. Will you do it?

Yeah.

Great. Now keep this with you as a reminder. That promise, you know, it's really.

Again, I'm going to use the word interesting this time. I caught myself. What's really interesting to me is, on the surface, there may be people listening or watching and saying.

Really, a pocket hug is really going to add that much value. And we fortunately had you, and you were sharing with the group here earlier today a couple of really key examples.

Yeah.

Of how the pocket hug actually does make a massive difference.

Yeah.

I'd like to talk about the. The married couple and the husband, the veteran, if that's okay, first.

Yeah.

And have you share that story.

Absolutely. Well, I'm a veteran. My husband served. Thank you to everyone who served first responders. We're going to be honoring them September 10th as well. But I had a lady who came up, and she found me at this convention, and you know what? Sometimes, like, what I. I've decided when I submit is you can't ask God to guide your footsteps if you're not willing to move your feet. And sometimes you have to show up at first.

Sorry, I dropped the mic on that one.

It's true. If you want them to guide your footsteps, you move your feet and. And sometimes you go, man. I mean, for this podcast, it was like, well, can you be here next week? Sure. Let me just change my schedule. Like, you made it happen to meet with me. I made it happen to meet with you?

Yep.

I made it happen for this event, even though I was kind of like, I don't have time. And I show up and this lady, she comes and finds me. I need to talk to her. Brandi, I need to talk to the founder. She goes, I have to share this story with you. I came to one of your town halls, one of your events. I learned about promise to live. I learned about the pocket hug. She goes, my husband's a Vietnam veteran, and he's really struggled with PTSD and alcohol and anxiety and a bunch of things. She goes, I love what you're doing. I brought it back home. We sat down, we had a conversation. I knew what to say. She goes, and I asked him to just make me that promise that he would reach out for help, whether it's me or whatever the va. And she goes, he Made the promise. And he took your coin. And she goes, he keeps it in his pocket every day. She goes, I'm blown away. He will not leave home without it. He puts it in when he gets up. He takes it out when he goes to bed, puts it with his wallet and his keys. She goes, by the way, I've washed it more than a dozen times. It holds up. Thank you, manufacturer. But I was like, that's so great. And then the butt comes. She goes, but the other day, the demons got the best of him. And he had a really hard day and he had a hard night and he went storming out and he said, I'm done. I can't live another minute. I'm done with this life. And she said he stormed out of the house. And she didn't know what to do but to hope and pray. She said, all night I just. I hoped and prayed and I didn't know if I'd ever see him again. She said, but at 5 o' clock in the morning, he came walking in the door and he was holding your coin. She said, he had tears in his eyes and a coin in his hand. And he said, I'm still here because I made you a promise and because of this damn coin. And I was just, like, crying at this point. I'm like, yay. Damn coins. I'm so thankful. But it's powerful. It's powerful, that promise that he made. And I think too, the power that this holds is sometimes more. It's greater than just a coin. Yeah, it's for me. It is. It's like the wedding ring. You look at it and you go, yeah, I made you a promise. It means something to me. When you look at that, you think about the commitment. When I hold this, I think about the commitment and I think, who'd you make your promise for? Is it for you? Is it for someone else? And you know what's interesting? I told you my daughter's doing good. We had a hard conversation. Hard.

Politicians, economy, taxes, all this stuff that makes everybody, like, not want to be here anymore, right? And we're sitting there, we have this very hard conversation. And then she just stares at me and she looks at me and she's looking for a minute and I'm like, oh, dear, what's she thinking? And she goes, mom, I can't wait to get old like you. And I started crying.

What?

I'm like, old. I use oil of Olay. What do you. I was like, it wasn't just the fact that she called me old.

It Was the fact that that was the first time in six years that she said she wanted to live, she saw a future, that she saw a future and that she wanted to be around for it. So sometimes it's like if you can get somebody to make a promise to live, it might get them through those challenging years until you find the hope and you find that season of life and love that feels good that you want to be here. And that's what we're trying to get everyone through. If we can get you through that hard time, then we want to do it.

That's awesome.

One of the things that I've realized, especially now that being on the other side, I'm going to save this publicly just because I want people to know.

Especially for people that class, if I have a classification of a disorder of some kind. Right. Bipolar, borderline ptsd, whatever. I've discovered that there are actual practical therapies now that are actually effective that re, reduce and or eliminate symptoms of chronic depression, chronic mania, chronicles, anxiety. Some of the most beneficial ones I've had have been what's called known as family systems therapy.

Okay.

Learning to love and.

Kind of accept all your parts. And the, the stuff that you would normally repel away from yourself.

Yeah.

Which is a form of inner, what they call reparenting yourself from your inner parenting. Which is another. Which is it?

Whoa.

So got a little police car out there.

But the, the, the follow up to that was it's all a form of what they call psychosomatics. Right. Which is honestly not medical based. I was. One of the things I realized early on is I was actually more inclined to not treat myself very well on pharmaceuticals that I was without them and actually just getting actual real help. And it's not saying that traditional therapy models like what we, you know, you talking to a therapist is not helpful. I believe that is. I'm also cognizant to make sure that it doesn't feel like a form of rumination.

Right.

Like you're just talking about the same event over and over again. Which is why like the family systems therapy, there's the psychosomatic somatic style work is because it actually unprograms the subma, the subconscious mind, which is where all the conscious stuff is coming up.

And I, I love that like our, our first thing is commitment. We gotta get people to make the promise and stay. But our second thing is to connect them to resources. And we found that one size doesn't fit all. So traditional therapy, peer self guided, online AI, holistic, working with Dr. Don Wood, who's amazing. Like there's just so many good, positive things that we can do. So our second pillar is connecting them to the tools and the resources and hopefully preventative.

Yeah.

And then our third is building this community online and in person. It is funny though, you say that like with the police back there. I have to tell you a funny story if I can.

Kind of curious what he got pulled over for.

So we had our retreat for our Promise to Live board meeting at Bear Lake. And one of my board members, he's this interesting guy, runs a multi billion dollar company. Anyway, he, he's driving in his regular old car, speeding a little bit too much. He gets pulled over and the police officer goes, hey, where are you going in such a hurry? Where are you coming from? I'm leaving my board meeting. For what? For Promise to live. Oh yeah, what do you guys do? Mental health and suicide prevention. He goes, can I give you a hug? And the cop's like, gets teary eyed and emotional. He goes, this is what we do. He explains it and he's like, I want you to have this coin. The cop takes it, gives him a hug, lets him out of the ticket. I was like, are you kidding me right now? You bribed the police officer with a pocket hug? Hey, multi use tool get out of jail free card. No, but that's what I thought of because often those guys too, it's like they've got such a hard thing going on that I keep these in my pocket all the time.

Well, and they also get to see the worst of the worst. A lot of the first responders see the worst of the worst in many cases. So it's another mutual friend of ours became a new mutual friend of yours. Today is a very, very successful dentist, has a bunch of practices and he was sharing that in the dentist industry alone, it's one of the higher rated suicides. Yeah, right. So it's funny how things are all interconnected.

It is.

I want to pivot a little bit. So we've talked a lot about the darkness and facing the darkness and guilt and shame, self condemnation. What prevents us from reaching out? What prevents us from believing there's a brighter day ahead? We've talked a lot. We've talked a lot about, hey, how this, how this, this coin has actually saved lives, even got people out of speeding tickets, which is kind of cute.

Yeah.

What I want to do is I want to move us to light now. So you created a live event, which I'm excited to be at myself. I always thank you for the invitation.

To speak.

On September 10th. And you hold it every September 10th?

Yep.

So if you're watching this and it's 2027, it's still September 10th.

Always September 10th. Yes.

Right.

I'm so excited about it because here was the thing, right? When I shared my story on local news. I don't know, 10, 20, 50,000 people saw it. We saved two. So I was like, well, what if we create an event? And I believe that we have to reach people where they are on the devices and the platforms they use, through the people and companies they already know, trust, and follow. So that was my vision as a broadcast professional for 30 years, to say, okay, we can't keep track treating this the same way we've done it. If we want to reach it, we have to bring it to them on their platforms. TikTok, Twitch, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, LinkedIn, whatever it is. So I put together a show and we streamed it out of Vega Media, my studio in Salt Lake. And our first year, we reached 160,000 people. I was like, this is pretty amazing. And we bring in incredible speakers like you. We bring in celebrities. We're going to have JoJo Siwa, we're going to have Allison Holker, Rob Riggle, and a couple that I. I can't say just yet.

I know you gave me the behind the scenes, but it's big.

It's big.

It's big. It's really big.

I want to be there, but. So we bring in these people and we talk authentically about our mental health. I wrote this song when I was doing this movie. I was going through one of the deepest, darkest moments of my life. And here's how I got through it. But it's still a fun night. It's hopeful, it's encouraging, and we share resources and tools. Here's how you get through it. Here's the number you call. So we did the first one out of my place because I know when it really matters, people come together. And I'm old enough to remember live aid from 1985, greatest show in the world.

I was really young, but I still remember.

I was a little girl, but I remember watching and thinking, what are all these celebrities and singers doing? When it matters, people are good and they come together. And I think coming together now for mental health, the greatest challenge of our time is. Is a good time to do it. So Anyway, we had 160,000 viewers our first year. The next year, we did it again, 400,000. Last year, we decided, let's move it to Hollywood on Hollywood Boulevard, right across from Capitol Records in the iconic avalon theater. Over 3 million people. And this year we're doing it and we're expecting our reach of 5 to 10 million. And it's just to get our voices together. We want to be this annual event like the Oscars, the Emmys, the Iheart Music Awards where people come together and you make this commitment again. I promise, I promise to live. I promise to reach out for help. And if Steven can talk about it and if JoJo can talk about it and some of these other people can talk about it, imagine the ripple effect there. We started with ripple. I think coming back to that, if we have Jay from Jay's Prehistoric Pets, he's got over 60 million viewers and subscribers. If he shares his story of being adopted and abandoned at birth, being orphaned, having to go hunt creatures, reptiles and selling them to make a living, you can start to see yourself and go, man, there is hope. It does get better. I could be like that. I could get through this. And so every single year we're doing it. And I'm so excited that you're going to be there. People can live stream from anywhere in the world. And we had over 117 countries tune in.

Gracious.

And this year, if you want to host a party, if you're an influencer, if you're a celebrity, if you want to sponsor all of it. Because we need help to get the message out.

Yeah, for sure. So where do they go to find that morgue?

So you can go to promise to live. It's the number two. And the reason we have it, Promise to live is the first promise is for you. You're making your promise to live and the second one is sharing it with somebody else. Multiply it, reach out. So promisetolive.org we have information on there. You can find me everywhere. Brandy Vega on social media, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn.

Yeah. So I'm excited. You know, it's really, it's really, it's really cool because I think what's, what's going to happen next is, especially when the show gets out, there are a couple things I'm hoping that happen.

First and foremost, I hope everybody watching, listening will take the time to be there. Whether they come in person, whether they stream live virtually. It's a nominal investment of any kind of.

Yeah.

And mainly more of. It's more of a way to actually support what's going on. Anything else? Like it's, it's more of a give back program. Anything else. But on top of that, I want them to take the time to go, like right now, soon as they. As soon as this show ends, I want them to stop what they're doing, take 30 minutes, reach out to five people that they love and say, how are you doing?

Can I ask for one favor before they do that?

Of course.

How about you go to promise to live, and I'm going to ask you, I'm going to beg you, I'm going to plead with you right now and tell you. I. If we can hate for any reason, we can love for any reason. And if you're within my earshot, I love you. Yeah, I love you. God loves you. We need you. Will you please make a promise to reach out for help if you find yourself in the darkness and you don't know how to get out, Will you promise to reach out to a friend, Family member, resource, or 988? Everyone listening, please go online right now and make that promise to yourself and think about the person you're promising for.

Yeah. Would you. Would you mind doing that again? And the reason I want you to do that, I'd love for you to talk directly to them.

Yeah.

I want them to see the sincerity in your eyes. Because we've obviously, everybody on the team here and everybody's been part of the. The group we've had here today. They, they. They all know the sincerity like it exudes. Like it exudes. And I'd love for you to talk directly to them for a couple seconds, if that's okay.

This is hard. I have a woman on my team who lost all three of her boys. And I just want you to know if you are watching or hearing this right now, if we can hate for any reason, we can love for any reason. I love you. And when I say I love you, I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I love you. The world is better with you in it. We need you here. Whatever it is you're going through, you're not alone. There's always somebody here, whether it's me, somebody you might not even be thinking about. These resources. Please stay. I promise it gets better. And would you please go to promisetolive.org and make that promise right now. Whether you're struggling or not, you need to make a promise and a commitment this very moment that I will reach out for help if I feel like there is no help if I feel like I'm in the darkness and I'm struggling. Make a promise to reach out to friends, family, members, trusted resources, or call or text 988, we need you. We love you. Please, whatever you do, stay.

Thank you for doing that.

Thank you for giving me an opportunity to share this. Because, you know, I was telling you, the gal I lost, she goes, brandi, it's not fair. Because I say sometimes I'm one of the lucky ones. I got a second chance. She said, it's not fair. You got a second chance. And I didn't get one second chance with either of us. My three sons and my stepsister lost both of her boys. I lost both my nephews to suicide. It's not lost on me.

Yeah.

Da Vinci said it best. He said, I've been impressed with the sense of urgency. Knowing is not enough. We must be willing. Being willing is not enough. We must do.

Yeah.

And so that's what we've been looking for, is, you know what? You just have to ask the questions. You have to ask for help. It's not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of strength. And we're in this together, and we gotta rise together. So I just. I love you.

Oh, thank you.

Appreciate the opportunity. I can't wait for you to come and speak. Everybody, tune in. Go make your promise to live and join us. Live tickets are probably gonna sell out soon.

Yeah. I love it. Brandy, thank you so much. I love you back. You're awesome. Thank you. You really are. You exude exactly what the world needs in this particular area of suffering and surrender, honestly. So thank you very much.

It's my mission. Thank you.

Awesome. Hey, guys, that's gonna do it for build. I hope you guys enjoyed that episode. Look, I'm gonna just touch base with you guys just for a quick moment here.

Oftentimes, it's actually really difficult to actually reach out or even check in with somebody, you know, like, and trust, right? And see if they're really struggling. See if they're really taking the time to, like, heal them. Like, they're no season of healings. Healing of suffering. I actually have a good friend of mine. He's very similar, successful, and was very honest about a season he's walking through, even with our group. And one of the things that takes place there is you can actually take that quadrants of conflict scenario again.

Literally draw a straight line down the page. Draw a line across it at the top, right? Emotional, financial, physical, and spiritual. Write those four blocks right now. Spiritual is your. Your way of connecting to the divine. Okay? And I want you to write, you can rate yourself and go through the exercise yourself, or you can simply meet that friend for Coffee that you're worried about. Just meet with them, okay? Let the scores tell you the. Tell you the truth, right? Okay. I got a three here. I got a three here. I got a three here. I got a three here. The average is a three. They're in trouble, right? And then spend the afternoon loving on them and getting. And then helping them find the way their. Their best conduit to help get them, to give them. Get them to the event, like, come see us. I promise you, with everybody that Brandy's got lined up for this event, they will be served, they will be ignited, and they'll be able to be transformed from the inside out. And ultimately, you never know what they're going to create next. All right, so use that. Use the tool. Right? So again, the overall score, you take the four scores, you add them together, and you. And you do. I'm sorry, you take the four scores, add them together, create, and then divide by four to get the average of the scores. Okay? Once you do that, anything from one to probably five is a very sensitive time. The. Obviously the closer to one or four, right. I've actually had people say zero in certain categories. Just for the record. Go ahead and take that same process. Right. And actually look at that. So 1 to 5 means they're. They're pretty much in a state of trouble. Five to seven typically means they're actually in a state of kind of like overwhelmed, burned out. They're starting to feel the feels okay at an early stage. And 8 and above 10 means they're probably navigating life in general, but doing pretty well with it. But it's always a good idea to use Brandy's technique that she mentioned on the show, which is obviously, how are you doing? Really?

It takes an extra 10 seconds to add the word really and pause. Sometimes the greatest presence you can have is actually in the pause. Let them feel the feels. Let them see that you care. Let them open their heart to you and be sincere and hold. Just hold space. You don't have to carry it. It's not your job to fix or to shift, but you can hold space for them to feel the feels and then get them the help they need. So with all that being said, hope you enjoyed Build. I can't wait to see you on the next one. Much love. Take care. Peace. Hey, guys, I hope you enjoyed that amazing conversation. And if you want more just like that to help you level up your life and your business, you're not going to miss this next one. Check it out. I hated sport. I hated football. I never wanted to go to practice. I prayed as a God. Let it rain and thunder today. So they cancel practice? Cancel practice. So how'd you go from not really wanting to play sports to all of a sudden be one of the most competitive athletes on the final? I'm just about ready to give up.