Former Pro Football Player REVEALS The Mindset Of HIGH ACHIEVERS For Success | Anthony Trucks

When most people have a bad, a bad ability to actually, to hold the willpower of the choice in the moment. So what happens is someone comes in, people, the ones that test our boundaries. Someone says, hey, do you want to go to the bar and get a beer now? I don't want to get a beer. That's my first thought, right? And say, hey, come on, man. Yeah, okay. And they go, well, here's what just took place.

Welcome to Stuck to Unstoppable, where we interview the world's foremost thought leaders to break things down in order to help you get past your hurts, habits and hangups and finally level up and move forward. I'm your host, Stephen Scoggins. Now let's go ahead and get into today's guest and our featured conversation.

You're not going to want to miss it.

What happens when you cross an entrepreneur, national thought leader in the area of personal identity and a world class athlete that has appeared in the NFL and American Ninja Warrior? Well, you get a rock star of a human being. That's what you get. Named Anthony Trucks. And joining me while I was on the road, he, he actually dropped value bomb after value bomb in this particular interview. So much so that I found myself listening as a student rather than a host. His story has not always been a string of successes. And after hitting rock bottom in his career and his relationships and even his personal identity, he discovered a proven process to help anyone find their voice in their life and in their business. Guys, help me welcome Anthony Trucks.

Dude, what's going on, man? How you doing?

I'm doing great, man. I'm out here in California enjoying the weather while we still got it before the wintertime hits. And my family and man, I'm good, I'm blessed. No complain.

A winner. I mean, like, what, what's winter in California? I mean really? I said like go from like 75 to 68.

Let me give a little preface though. So I experienced, I played for the Buccaneers, which is obviously. But then I was playing, I played college ball in Oregon, which gets fairly cold. And then I play with the Redskins and the Steelers, which gets deathly cold. So I've had my fair share. But yes, California's winter. It's. You know what, it's kind of like that thing like whenever you like it's like 100 something degrees. Well, and obviously like 90 feels better and cooler. It's just our version of it. So it feels cold in comparison. Else like my sister lives in Montana, Minnesota, Sorry. And she's like, she'll suck water. She's like I can throw boiling water in the air and it won't hit the ground.

Are you serious? Yeah.

It's like that.

I didn't think that was even possible.

Oh, dude. I've watched it boil water, watch it walk out of the house and throw it in the air. The air is so cold, it just turns into steam and all just. It doesn't hit the ground. It's craziness.

Oh, my gosh, man. Well, goodness gracious, that. That's one piece of adversity. But, hey, look, I was doing some, you know, I've been. You know, I've been following your work for a little while now, and I love doing. And one of the things I love most about it is I think we're kindred spirits. We both grew up in some pretty difficult circumstances trying to walk through some stuff. We both went through times that were crazy challenging enough where we almost consider taking our life and things of that nature. You know, we've both been there, which is a pretty. Pretty dark place to be. But at the same time, it's kind of created who we are. But if you don't mind, give the audience a little idea of kind of who you are and how you were shaped and just overall background. If you don't mind.

Who I am now is, I feel like the best word. One of my clients said this, like, recently to me. She says.

You'Re steady in nature. Oh, I like that because I've worked with her for, like, two years. Just got to call her, actually. This was a conversation, like, last week. She's like. She's like, of all the people I've ever met, you're very steady in nature. She's like, I've known you for a couple of years. I'd never known you to be overly angry or overly, like, crazy excited and happy. I'm not happy. But she's like, you know, not to the balloon, doing crazy stuff. Like, everybody buy the bar beers. You know, like that kind of stuff.

Like, you're studying nature. And for me, I feel like I'm settled inside. The best way to explain it, I'm a man of God. I love my wife. I love my kids. I love my career. I love the people. I'm blessed to be able to impact their lives through, teach them to go through. So in that aspect, I'm at a place in my life where I've crossed some crazy finish lines.

Yeah.

Realize that's the right time to go back and tell people how to run the race.

Amen.

So now the race I ran. Oh, oh, man.

Let's talk about, let's talk about the.

Race, about the race. And obviously, like, I'm still running the race. Let's be realistic. You know, I have a life. We live life. Life is not perfect. What happens between your plans. But yeah, so I got to this point where, you know, if I go back in my life and I was three years old, my mom said, you know, I don't want my kids anymore. So she gave me my three siblings, foster care. So the beginning of my life had the entrance with that feeling we typically arrive at some time later, which is, I don't matter. This is scary. What is the next moments of my life supposed to look like? You know, the world hates me. Like, this was my entrance, you know, where some people reach. So for the first three years of my life that I recall, like, I was just passed around from these different foster homes and beaten and starved and just crazy, tortured and it's just weird stuff that, that I. I don't know why people would do that to a child, but yeah, they did. And that's all. It's just we live in, unfortunately, six years old. I landed in my family now, and it was an all white family, very poor. I wasn't adopted for eight years till I was 14. So I struggled in the very beginning of my life with identity heavily. Yeah, really where my work is in the identity of essentially, who are you and who do you need to have what you want to have? For a lot of my years, I didn't think I was good enough because the world told me I wasn't good enough. You know, I was programmed because we're all programmed. Like when you're 15, 16, your mom, your teacher, your coach, your colleagues, they've told you, oh, money is what love is. This is what happiness looks like. This is what career should look like. So we're running this programming and I ran that for like the majority of my life. And I had to find ways, when necessary, to upgrade that operating system. Like essentially, yeah, being programmed, I was, I had to upgrade that, but I didn't. And most of us don't know we're doing it. We're just finding ways to survive, we'll call it.

Yeah.

So I started like I had this identity issue and who am I? And so I tried football and I sucked. I got better. My mom got diagnosed with Ms. I get a college scholarship. Is another expansion of my identity. I have a kid at 20 years old. Meet my real dad. That's another expansion of my identity.

Yeah.

Still some juggling, all these things. There's the former foster kid, adopted kid. Only black in all white family. So I'm called the Oreo. Son of a sick mom, you know, good at football, father, husband. Like, all these crazy dynamics, and I get to the NFL, in the NFL, three years in another expansion of my identity. Like, tear my shoulder, and it all comes crashing down like, ground floor, bro. And this happens to everybody in life. This is a nice story, but everybody can attest to, like, there's a time in our lives when we're sitting there going, what in the world do I do? Everything that made me me is gone. This is when someone comes back from the military or someone loses a job, loses a loved one, loses their career or whatever it may be. They. You know, they gain a job. You know, they gain. Who am I? Where do I fit? And so many people, even now in Covid, it's this reaction. It's this situation where the world is forcing you to be somebody different to succeed, and we don't know how to do that. We just try, but we struggle. And I struggled, man. At one point, I've lost my wife after I came home from the NFL. I need to re. Regain this sense of, you know, strength in Anthony, because who was I without football? So I lost football. My. I opened a gym business, and I'm there all day, every day. That thing's sucking because I'm my wife. She ends up having an affair. My kids don't have a father. I'm gone all day, and I'm getting out of shape. Like, I was always in shape. And so everything that made Anthony Anthony was gone. So I was like, all right, this is life past football. I don't want this like this. Yeah.

Yeah, for sure.

What's my working for, man? There's nothing else good. The fruit had fallen off the tree, and it was withering and dying on the ground, and. And, man, like, I want to take my life. And thankfully, I didn't take any actions to. But at one point, somebody to see, they were like, dude, like, you're an inspiration to a lot of people in this community. You don't know it. Nobody tells you, but, like, what you've gone through and what you've accomplished, people look up to you. I was like, interesting. Like, I. At the time, it sounds good, right? Because you're like, oh, cool. But at the time, I'm also like, I just didn't want to be here last week. This isn't the time for me to start telling people how to live Life, like that's not. I'm still in the race, man.

Yeah.

And so you progress past that. And like I was in a fog because we get into a fog. When life hits you hard, you just go through the emotions because you don't want to look at it. That's hard. That hurts. I don't want the experience to have to eat my soul. So I'll drink it away, I'll smoke it away, I'll drug it away, I'll sex it away just so I can just be away from that feeling. And so like I was kind of running this gym, kind of being a dad, just that was in a hole. At one point, I was in a 500 square foot studio apartment with my kids on an air mattress laying next to me. And it was just this sad life I was living, man. It was like I was just to give them back to their mom so I can go hang out and distract myself again. And so I remember fast forward like to 2014, April 15th, and I remember my mom passed away. Like I was sitting in the room holding her hand and she passed away. And it was this interesting moment because for me, I was a weird one to say joy, but she was out of pain here. She was no longer in pain like that. That warmed me a little bit. But then there was also this really mortal moment of like him, life is really finite. It's short, it's only 47, super finite. And my thing was like, she didn't get to reach her full potential. Her body robbed that from her. But she allowed me to do something that statistically I should not be doing. Because any prison in America, 75% of the inmates, foster kids like me, 50% of homeless population, less than 1% of us graduate college. I had the ability to do the cool things I did and reach a potential because of how she loved me. And I was like, man, at this moment, that seed that someone had planted years ago about this could be helpful for people. Yeah, got water? Because I was like, man, what if I try to find a way to honor her memory through doing what she did for me, which is unconditionally love people to help them reach a higher potential? I was like, that was a seed that. So I was like, I'm going to start telling my story, I'm going to start talking about it. I did. I started talking and sharing and I ended up, you know, building, growing. However, I was still in the race, man. I hadn't figured figure everything out. I was struggling.

Yeah.

And then we all have those moments that we get to where all of a sudden, the light comes on.

Yeah, for sure.

You know, like, imagine like some people, it's like the light comes on and it's like you've been sitting in your couch in the room, eating Fritos and, you know, chubby and, like, you look at your body, you're like, oh, this is disgusting. Like, I don't like this guy. That wasn't the exact moment, but the feeling was fairly similar. 2016, January 1st. I wake up and I look in the mirror, and on my bed was this woman who had flown from Russia, where I'd recently gone to speak. Didn't speak my language. And in my head I was like, man, if my daughter saw me, I would be disgusted. For my boys to see this. They want my kids to do this. This isn't who. I've fallen so far from my faith. My mom is probably tossing in her grave, and my God would not let me into his home. Being this guy. It was this light that came on, like, dude, you suck. And it's okay. Like, it's a hard thing for us to navigate as people because, you know, you do suck at times.

Well, I mean, that's where. That's where accountability starts. Right? You know, I mean, one of the things I love most about some of your story is you've always had this. This unique way of self awareness and getting to a self awareness place. I believe that, for example, there are really three great questions in life. Who am I? Why am I here? And what do I do about it? Right. And then what we discover along the way, and I know something you discovered along your journey is there's always patterns that are either leading you towards those things or away from those things. What age do you think you were when you started seeing the patterns of behaviors that really wasn't? I mean, obviously it took a little while to really take shape before it really kind of became present. But, I mean, what do you think you started noticing the. Maybe the patterns needed to be interrupted.

31, 32.

Okay.

Like, it's like, it took a long time because that moment when I was 38.

So you got me beat. So you.

Hey, there you go. As long as I beat somebody, we're good. I got to run that race, but it's natural. And so I remember. Yeah, man, that was the moment where the light came on. And that's when I started realizing, like, this is. I'm the common denominator in all my problems. We all are.

Yeah, you don't want that.

Like, the relationship falling Apart the marriage. Like, I had to realize, like, dude, okay, your wife made a crappy choice, but in a relationship, there's two people, which means she didn't get to a place where she felt she needed to make a choice by herself. But, like, that's a realization. Like, damn. All right, so I had some control, but I needed to navigate. Where I needed to own that and actually make some amends and adjustments was I wasn't a. I kept telling my, you know, I got to run this business. So when the kids get out of school, I'd have clients until 8 o'. Clock. Then I, you know, go get dinner, put the kids to bed, take them to school. I wouldn't see them for another, you know, 48 hours. And I'm excuse was like, oh, you know, they just, I got to do my work. But like, no, I was, I wasn't present, Dad. I spend more time with other people's kids than my own.

Yeah.

It's the true dynamic. Right. It's just.

Yeah.

So it's just like, what did that really.

What was that realization like when you first realized that, oh, it hurts.

Oh, it's gonna hurt. It's because, if you think about it, a lot of the reason we have a lack of pains because we operate so poorly that we have a helplessness.

Yeah.

Like, and operate. When I say operate, because I've said it a couple times, and when I say, like, your identity, like your identity is like the operating system, your computer, and you essentially are running this operating system. It runs in the background without us intentionally knowing it. Right. And that's really, essentially, it's your fortitude, emotional strength and willpower and control, consistency in life. How long in something. It's going to be your discipline. Do you stay the course of what's there, how you execute?

Yeah.

Are you are a person that has like a happy disposition? Are you happy or are you pessimistic?

Right.

That's our, that's how we operate. And how we operate creates the sense of performance we have. So if I'm operating a certain way, I perform well, I have success. People who don't have success because they perform poorly. And typically you perform poorly because you operate poorly because you have this identity. Running it just sucks. So it's making excuses. It has no fortitude. It's not discipline. It's not consistent. You buy a bunch of stuff and get shelf esteem because you want to get some help. So I spend some money on it and okay, I put my shelf and all right, I bought it. So it's there now should feel good. But you don't crack it open, you don't use it, you don't do the work. Right.

Yeah.

And so for me, I'd done that, oddly enough. And I was like, why am I so broke but still broken? Like what? Yeah, like why? And that was my ownership. And so I did what I tell most people it kind of like a computer has to do. I got to download all the different things that need to be updated and then I gotta upload them in my life, the actions. And the download's hard. Anybody that's to the download will find that's where you get the power back of like, alright, I realized this is where I had weakness. That's my control. I had control. I kind of busted it. Ah, all right, let me work on. Let me tear the ego apart.

Yeah, work on it.

And when I did that fix the marriage.

Well, I consider you one of the most. Yeah, I mean, I could see you one of, one of the foremost thought leaders when it comes to identity. There's not actually a lot of influencers and a lot of thought leaders, quasi gurus, guys, whatever you want to call them, that are really, really digging in deep to identity. And I'm really happy that you chose to pick up that message specifically. So the question becomes, is, all right, so we know that we've got triggers, traumas and habits essentially that drive the negative behavior, Right? We know a lot of that comes from our influences, parental influences, relational influences, subliminal influences. Right. These different areas of life that come in through our eyes and our ears on a regular basis. Right. What do you think it takes to rewire your brain in such a way to actually get complete authenticity within your identity? In other words, what do you think the parts and pieces of identity are and how do you think they integrate with each other? Yeah.

Yeah. So what I call an ideal identity now, this is gonna be the concept of what it is. And there's ways that you actually adjust all these things. So if you think about it, your ideal identity is the one that is ideal for your dream. Not mine, not Susan's or Tim's, but yours. Right. So everybody's their own aspirations, dreams. The problem is when we think about wanting this thing, we have this immediate comparison to the fact that we are not that person. So we get this imposter feel of like, I don't want to lean in, because if I lean in, they're gonna, they're gonna help me. They're gonna. It's not who I am. Right.

Yeah.

How do I, how do I get to the point of having a true confidence in this area? And what it really is, is first you have to architect what that identity is. You got to craft it because it was unintentionally done before, so now you got to intentionally do it. And this at times honestly means accepting that you, you saw love the wrong way or sex meant something different or you were seeing money differently. And that's, that's the process I can talk about in a second. But the concept of your ideal identity is comprised of six main factors and it's going to be essentially your belief system. What do you believe is possible to your root believe is possible for yourself, for the world, notes out there, the thoughts that you have. Because we can believe something, but we can have thoughts that are completely opposite. Right? Which is, I talk about this, but Anthony, can you, Are you able to. What if they, what if they say something? Right?

The voice in the head.

Yeah, the voice in the head. I call it the pessimistic copilot.

I like your term better.

There you go. Then you had the big actions you take, right? What are the big bold, scary actions that you take that sets you apart? Parts where you can stand up on a mountain, say I slayed that monster, I'm the monster slayer now, right?

Yeah.

Now it's interesting is these each are like a Venn diagram. They overlap and between beliefs and thoughts you have your mindset. We all talk about mindset all the time and unfortunately too many people leaned on that without realizing that. There's studies that will show that if you don't have a self categorization in an area, the mindset will never work for you. If I don't believe I'm an entrepreneur, you can apply all the entrepreneur aspirations affirmations you want, but you'll still not believe it's who you are. You'll still not succeed when you have actions and thoughts. There's the what do I think I need to do every day? Work out, write emails, whatever it is, and I do it. And in between is your habits. And we all know about habits. I don't go deep on that. You have good habits. Things can happen amazingly right outside.

Yeah, sure, yeah.

Then you got a big key one. And this is between beliefs and actions. Now this is the one that so many people lose sight of. But this the one that matters. Because here's the thing. As human beings, we will fight for what we believe we deserve. Our identity will not let us fall below a line. If I'm a Great dad. How dare you try to challenge me on being a great dad. That's who I am. I believe it's who I am. And look what I've done for my kids. I quit my job. I show up to baseball. I show up to football. I coach. Don't you dare take that from me. Right? I'm the. You know, I'm the CEO. I've done my work. There's a belief in an action. I did the work. Do it. The problem is too many people don't believe they deserve very much.

Yeah, that's true. That's very true.

Fight for a little bit. And so the question is, well, how do I get and settle? Yeah, they do. And not only that, but, like, they settle, and they know they're settling. Sucky place, right?

And then they. And then they go into comfort zone with it.

They do. And then they don't. They don't push for more. And so it's like, okay, well, how do you have these things lack? Well, beliefs and actions overlap. Think about any time that you've done something that you got done and you puffed your chest, get the chills, the goose pimples. Like, ooh, I did that right.

Yeah. Right.

Beliefs in action is your personal pride or your positive ego.

And the ego.

Everybody assumes this negative thing, but the ego protects the identity. Without even having a second thought. It's the retort that you say, it's how are you disciplined? How do you respond? Right. Are you resilient? Because the ego shows up in the actions that you have. So what happens is people believe they're supposed to do something, and they don't take the action. You lose that, you get a small little identity, and you have a small. It's protecting something small. And so what happens is you don't fight for what you believe you deserve because you don't believe you deserve very much. You didn't earn it.

Yeah.

But when you believe you should do the thing and you do it. Holy crap. Does that pump it up?

Yeah, it changes the game.

Yeah, it changes the game. So when someone comes to challenge you and take that. Oh, no, no, that's mine. When I was 15 years old and I played football, I sucked for two years. But from 15 to 16, dude, I went to the weight room every day. I lifted weights, I threw the ball in the air. When I came the next year, dude, I am catching this ball. Cause I deserve it. You do not deserve it. Take it from me. I'm making this tackle. Cause you don't deserve to get Away from me. You weren't allowed to tackle me. You don't deserve that.

Right.

There's a different sense of how I showed up in my life in the football field. It's the same when I'm here. Like, I deserve that speech, I deserve that client, because I know that I've done the work in the background to show up and serve. Amazingly, that's me. And I'll pop up and talk about it. Right?

Yeah, I was gonna say, I mean, one of the things that I think is important for pretty much anybody who's on this journey. Right. We're all on the journey, all of us. You know, you talked about the ego being small. So you play small, right? You talk about the ego growing so you can play at a different level. Yeah, Right. So you take these different things and you look at. Ego is directly tied to emotional intelligence. How you respond, how you're out, what the things that you say to yourself. Right. You take all those things and you begin to put those together. And essentially that creates the belief pattern, right?

Well, it's not even more than a belief pattern. It determines who you are because the belief patterns part of it. If you imagine all these things, a Venn diagram, beliefs, thoughts, actions, overlaps, mindset habits, and then ego. If you were to put a propeller on those and tilt the whole thing sideways and make it a drone, if they're all on, they all go to the top. You can fly as, elevate as high as you want, but one propeller is out. That thing tilts and flies into a wall.

Yeah, it does. I lost a drone one time that way.

Yeah, that's what happens. So when you asked earlier, like, what is the identity? It's an active, living, breathing part of who you are. And when you consciously think through these little aspects, it allows you to see that, oh, the reason I'm not succeeding is because, well, my mindset's weak. I believe in myself, but I keep second guessing my thoughts. Or you know what, I'm thinking this and I'm affirming this, but I don't believe this. Or you know what? I haven't taken those bold actions anymore. Or my habits suck. I mean, any one of those throw you off and you're trying to get to the top and it's like, no, when you really want to succeed, that you need to learn how to operate at a higher level. And that's understanding how all of these flow without you thinking about it. Here's some science for you. There's a part of our brain called the DMN default mode network. And this is a part of your brain that whenever you are thinking about it like, you know, who am I? Shuts off. They studied mice. Like someone says, hey, who are you? Mice didn't ask. But people who are you?

And we go to a conscious part of like, oh, I'm a speaker, I'm a coach, I'm a father, I'm a mom, I'm a whatever it is. But then whenever someone lets you just be by yourself and you're just going through like you're staring at birds and you see some, a car crash or somebody that lights up because now who you are is running, you're in flow, you're operating that operational part. It houses your beliefs, your thoughts, your habits, your mindset, your pride, it's all in there. So when that's operating smooth, you're just in flow and you're performing very well.

Yeah.

It's determined your outcomes, your success, you have or lack thereof. And so when you asked earlier, like, what is your identity? Like that, that ideal identity you have to actually craft at this point in your life. I had to do it. We all got to do it.

Yes, I did.

The same thing will happen across it. Some people will just work real hard and figure it out. It just, let's be honest, it's not the only way I would smack with.

A four by four.

So that's a good way to hit it. Right.

Life just hit me and said, hey, you're going to respond to this whether you like it or not, Jared.

Yeah, we're forced to. And so for me, like my work has been how do I make short net for my 30 plus years to three months for people? And the shift method I created, it actually does that. But it's it, that's it comes from an understanding. So I'm having people go back and for the first time they're consciously thinking about who they are stripping that ego back. Because a lot of the, the ego also protects whatever the identity is in there. And if it's that kind of sucks, oh, it'll look, it'll take it, it'll just pretty much protect it. It'll say, no, the reason this has happened is because of this, like I was doing. No, it's because my wife was horrible and the market so my business is doing well, poorly. All these things will still be protected by that ego. It's just, that's its role. So when you start ego, stop protecting that trash and start putting something protects that also.

Well, let me talk about this. So you have the situation where. All right, so you. Let's say. Let's assume you're doing the work. Right? You're doing the work. You're working on yourself. You're doing the quasi personal development with quotes. And I use that word loosely because personal development is a very loose word for a lot of moving parts. Right. You know, so you look at all that.

Let's talk about the overall influence. We know influences are actually really strong at the early onset of life.

Right.

We know that it intensifies a little bit as you start going into adolescence, and we know it almost doubles down when you start going into your professional career because you begin the comparison piece. Right. So we know all these places are there. One of my favorite YouTube pieces that you just recently did was actually on creating healthy boundaries.

Yeah.

And one of the things that I believe in, that obviously, you know, you've heard. Show me your five friends, I'll show you your future. You're the sum of the five people we spend the most time with. And it's a life truth. It's a life truth, no matter how you say it. But what people don't talk about is how to select them and then how to put a fence around making sure the wrong ones don't get in your yard.

Yeah.

So tell me about how you began to work with the boundary system, because I think you have a unique perspective on creating those boundaries and whatnot, and I think it's worthy of sharing.

Yeah. So I've had a lot of people inside the yard. So you speak.

They ain't supposed to be there.

Yeah. It's as you deal with a lot of stuff, I think, in the world, when you're out in the world, like, I was out in the world, just. It happens. People want to be around you because you're the college star, and then you're the football star and you're playing in the NFL. And then, you know, then you get. I got divorced, and before I got back together, I had this. This big window of, like, all right, I'm the local guy who owns gym, former NFL athlete, like, has a little bit of money, and. And so, like, you have all these people that come in, then you just. You let them in.

Yeah.

Dramatic. Because now you got all these people in the house, and, like, I don't even know half the people at the party, bro.

Yeah.

Right.

And then I. When I started having this moment of, like, I gotta wake up to this, I started realizing, like, okay. And I run my life kind of like this business. I'm The. I'm the company, and I have this product that needs to go to the next level. And it's like, all right, if I'm gonna bring this business to the next level, what employees do I need now? Sounds odd, but it's like, at the same capacity. My. My personal. My intimate partner in my relationship that's an employee, they hold a role, right? My kids hold a role. My friends hold a role. My. You know, my clients hold a role. And I got to realize that every person is in this. This company with a specific purpose. And if I don't make sure I'm holding them to do their job, the company falters. So if I have a best friend that doesn't believe in what I do and doesn't support me, like, hey, bro, you're cancer to the company. You gotta go. You know?

Yeah.

So that was the kind of first thought of, like, right. How do I make sure I create? I called my dream team of people. And this is the scary thing. It is scary to get rid of people because the people feel.

Especially when they're friends and family, right?

Oh, yeah.

You gotta fire your friends and family. That's the hardest one.

It's very hard to do. And that's what a lot of people focus on. And here's the problem. People only focus on getting rid of people. They never focus on adding people. They say they need a better circle, and I'm gonna go find a better circle. But here's the truth of what happens. The circle you need is already above you. I mean, you don't want to be around the same people. You're all floating the same pool. I want to go to the higher pool. But you're not. You're not that person yet. So now we have this that comes in and says, oh, but I don't belong, and I don't fit. And so it's just as much fear and anxiety to add a new group as it is to get rid of.

The old group for sure. Yeah.

So that's why people stay static. Because, like, well, if I just stay here, there's no resistance. I'll just stay with these people. I don't even have to experience the pain of getting rid of people. And I can possibly add people, but you can't have space filled by the same. You got to have one or the other, bro. So you can choose. Like, you can't add a new group of people or friends if the old ones are still in the space. So it becomes hard. So what I look at is, okay, great. I'm going to do this dirty work first. I remove people by giving them the option of getting better or leaving. I like that. That's good. And it's beautiful this way because now I give you an opportunity to improve it. If you don't, that's cool. At least only one person got hurt as opposed to you staying in a bad place and me staying there with you two people.

So what does that conversation look like? I mean, when you talk about giving somebody a chance to. Hey, look, hey, dude, we've been rolling together for a long time, man. I got you. But I'm going here, you know?

Yeah. I start the conversation with letting them know that if I didn't want you to be in this, like, think about a business. If I had a business, I would fire you. I wouldn't have you come in for a meeting to talk about your poor behavior if I didn't want you there. Right? So it's like, hey, look, I'm having this conversation because I want you to run. I got rid of Nick because Nick sucks. Right. But hey, Sean, to have a discussion, man. Like, I want you to be around this company, but here's the things I see you doing that I need to, I can't have around this business. You can do those for different company, but it may not be for this one. But here's what I need. I need support. I need a conversation. I need. I need you to be able to be there when I call on you. I need consistency. I need you to not down talk or downplay whatever we're doing now. I'd love to do that. If you choose not to do that, that's cool. Like, I'm not going to change you, but if you choose not to, like, I'm going to remove you. And it's kind of your choice. Whatever you choose to do, I'll love you close or love you from a distance. But that's the reality. Right? So you have this kind of conversation.

Yeah.

And you give them space. You don't harp on them. You don't. You just let them kind of operate because no one wants to do something that was not their idea. But if you plant the seed and they go water it, oh, now we're good. So then allow to improve. And if they don't improve, hey, guess what? A spot opened up in my life.

Yeah. Right. And I'm going to fill it with somebody.

And I don't feel bad anymore. And then what happens is, here's the unique thing. People at a higher level, they let's Be honest. Like, I don't like people that come into the groups and things we do who have a ton of extra baggage. That is bad baggage.

Yeah.

So if you're talking about entering a new space, the first thing that you have to have if you want to come to a higher group is they have to know you made the sacrifices to get there.

Yeah, that's true.

If we know that, hey, you're coming to our circle, we know, like, you did the work. You showed up. You cut the people out. You did that work. Like, all right, let's see what you got. Right. And here's the crazy thing. People who are doing well, they get to a certain level where they realize that in order to feel successful again, I got to bring more people with me because I get a better feeling.

So I find that my groups of people I'm in, they're all about helping people. I already had my success. You succeed doesn't take from mine. It could actually help. Right?

Yeah.

So there shouldn't be this crazy fear around going into a group and not being there. They know you're not there. Like, that's the whole thing.

Yeah, they do.

You understand? So you think that's the.

That's the selfless, the selfish truth of selflessness?

I think so. I think. I mean, for me, at this point, like, I love seeing people win, man. And it's. I know people hear that. And if you're not in the space of having that same feeling, it sounds odd because you're like, I don't. I don't get that yet. But for me, like, I've done great things, and it's like a cult of the concept of marginal return, marginal utility. If I have 10 hamburgers and I eat, you know, three of them, I'm stuffed. But I got seven hamburgers. How do I feel good again without eating another hamburger? Give it to somebody else who's hungry now I feel good. Cool, man. Eat my. You know, you feel good. Another part you asked is about boundaries. And boundaries are something that I'm going to go to the full steps of it, but essentially is most people, they don't set them to begin with. And if they do set them poorly, what I mean by that is they don't take kind of account of what's really the things they're having in their life. And putting in a space that hurts. It's going to be hard to set a boundary for some people to stay out. Like, I got to put that boundary in. And if they do it and they do it Right. Usually it's based off of triggers. A boundary is only held the moment it has to. The boundary is great, but it's only useful when a spear hits it. Yeah.

Gosh, that's so true. That is so true.

So now I got to have a way to in the moment, block that. And what I tell people is, you do not want to get to a space where you're making a choice to hold a boundary based on how you feel right now. You got to think about it. So I have, like, what are my predetermined responses before the boundary gets tested? Now, once the response is put, I respond, I hold it. Now it's my choice to open the door or not. Now I'm in a space. I've already put the boundary up. Let me sit back here and think. Don't want to open the door. So, for example, if someone's like, you know, I got something I got to do Friday, family time is a boundary. For me, family time is first. So when somebody asks, can you do something on this day, Even if I do not know if I have a plan or not, I'll be like, I can't, man. It's Friday. It's family time. We may be sitting here doing nothing, you know, with my socks on, just chilling out.

My boundary is Saturdays for family, man. I don't. I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Now if something happens and I'm like, hey, you know what? My wife said? We're going to be chilling here. Yeah. I can hop on for 30 minutes now. I can go back, but I gotta have the boundary set. And then the other part of it is, once I have a boundary set and I make the initial statement, the willpower is very weak for people. And really, what we're doing with boundaries is we're trying to train other human beings on how to interact with us. It's really what it boils down in a safe manner when most people have a bad ability to actually. To hold the willpower of the choice in the moment. So what happens is someone comes in. People are the ones that test our boundaries. Someone says, hey, do you want to go to the bar and get a beer now? I don't want to get a beer. That's my first thought, right? They say, hey, come on, man.

Okay. And they go, well, here's what just took place. You train that person. It takes a second ask to get you to say yes.

Yeah.

So guess what? Now you always have to keep saying no twice. And then they're going to keep. They're going to keep Asking you keep going with it. But what happens is this over time. They say, come on, man, get a beer. No. Come on. No. Are you sure? No. Hey, come on. What? No. We're five deep. They're like, all right, hanging. I get a beer.

Yeah, next time.

Want to get a beer? No, I don't want to get a beer. You sure? No. Come on. No. All right, all right, whatever. We're at three. After a couple times, you're like, hey, no, I'm good. Cool. And they're gone.

Yeah.

Now it took less time. Now it takes ample willpower at first, but over this is when, like your kids want to go to the park, but it's like work time or if it's someone's to hold a meeting with you or whatever may be your wife has honeydews. There's just different things that you could. Tight.

Yeah, sure. Yeah.

But if you don't hold the boundary the first time stable, the enemy's gonna come and attack the enemy. It's like, think about if I'm a soldier and I attack that wall. And it took two hits. It came down. Better believe next time I'm hitting that thing twice again.

Yeah.

And so I'm like, dude, we've hit this thing seven times. It's not coming down. All right, let's find a different weak point or somebody else's wall.

Yeah.

So when you have the boundaries, the big thing is have a pre thought out response to what your boundary is going to be and then realize you're going to have to hold it the first time because you're really trying to train somebody to take you at your word the first time.

Yeah, for sure. I think part of that too is obviously becoming aware of that a boundary is needed. And I think you actually hit on it kind of in a roundabout way when you actually began talking about the boundary, which is anytime someone is doing something or saying or crossing a boundary in a sense where, you know, you don't need to be doing, saying or. Or somehow engaging in that moment, you know, that that kind of identifies the boundary because I think a lot. Far too many people want to have hard times that they. One of the things that they have a hard time with specifically is actually identifying what that boundary actually is. Like, what is the bound?

What is it?

What is that boundary? Right, yes. And the way I articulate it. Yeah, for sure. It's when you're. You're being pulled in a direction you don't want to go. Right. Essentially, whether it's financially or relationally or Whatever.

Yeah. Or someone in your life is telling you, and you just. Your ego won't let you listen to it.

Yeah, for sure. Well, look, you're. You know, one of the other things that I think that is powerful about what you've been doing and the work that you've been doing specifically is this. This concept of accountability. Right. And you have a. What my understanding is what you call own my shift.

Yeah, yeah.

Own my shift. So explain to me what own my shift is.

Well, the idea is. Well, my goal for people is have makeshift happen, I call it. Right.

So makeshift happen. That's good.

Right. But in order to do that, you got to own your sh. And then ownership in and of itself is like three specific words. Right? The first word is own, which means you gotta own that there's something you gotta work on. If you don't admit there's a problem, you'll never have permission to progress.

You just won't.

You'll just. Because you'll never tell yourself, I gotta work on that. So you'll just stay stagnant and do the exact same thing. And you'll date the same person, get the same job you hate. Like it just happens over and over. Gave yourself permission to improve. And so I'm big on is you got to own that something's got to be worked on. And that typically is the hardest part. But without that, you're never going to actually do the right work. You'll end up. I do. As people. You're going to end up climbing a ladder, all this work, and you'll find at the very top, it's leaned against the wrong building.

Spot. Right. And so once you've owned that, there's something to work on. Now you got to realize it's your work. It's your responsibility. Yeah, I had to own that. I had issues with, like, you know, from being a kid, you know, issues with trust. Right. And I had issues with. It was my wife or issues in the business I had to own. I wasn't the best businessman. And so what happened is once I had these realizations, some of these things, they're my fault. Like, the business was my fault. However, it wasn't my fault how my mom treated me and gave us away. I was a kid. I was three years old. But here's the unique thing. In both of those situations, it is my responsibility to work on that part of my life.

Yeah, sure.

It's not going to be some caped crusader to fly in and save me. It's me. And most people don't get to the point they harbor so much anger for something that happened that wasn't their fault that they will endure that pain because their ego won't let them work on that.

So you're gonna let. So, like, okay, so let's say that someone goes in the kitchen and drops, you know, spaghetti on the ground. You're going to go in that room and step on it and let it get all moldy and everything because it wasn't your fault. Or you're going to clean it up because it needs to be cleaned up so you can walk around, okay, I'm going to be pissed, but I'm working on it. But now I got a clean floor, right? That's the big thing. You got to own it. And then you realize it's your responsibility to work on it. And then the last part is, most people, they're aware of parts of their life where they have stuff they have to work on. It's going to be on them to work on it. But they're like, I don't want to do it. I don't feel like it. And they'll complain all day long. They're like, I hate this relationship, and she's horrible. Have you talked to her? No. Will, have you left her? No. Well, then it's your fault. The longer you stay there. Because the shit part is the work. When you realize something going, like, I had a buddy who was in the middle of a horrible marriage, and I'm never proponent of divorce, but it was a situation where it was necessary, and he kept complaining about it. I'm like. And one day I was like, dude, have you had a conversation now? Have you talked to her, like, about leaving? No. I said, then every single moment you're enduring this is your fault now because you've done nothing. Change it. You've done no work, so stop complaining or at least do this work and have a different complaint, right? And it set a tone. And then I was like, okay, there's a different progression that took place. But the thing is, you got to understand that once you're aware of these, the only way to end your suffering is to take an action. Action and suffering. So you got to shift, right? This is where the ownership part comes in, is you're shifting internally. We're shifting that part of your identity I talked about. And it sounds like this esoteric, philosophical identity. It resides in some spiritual bubble in the world. No, man. It resides in how we show up for this call, how you're still getting things done. It's just. It's how we operate every single day that makes success second nature. And when you understand that piece and you understand how to shift those things now, you. Now success literally becomes an autopilot achievement. The things that in fact were like, hard back then in the day, they're so easy now.

Oh, they are, yeah.

And the differentiator is how much can you get done? Because where you may only operate for, let's say, if someone operates for a couple hours a day and they're. They're bogged down, overwhelmed, I can operate for 6, 8. Which means at the end of the year, I've got three years progress on you.

That's right.

And you wonder why I'm successful. Like, it's not. It's not rocket science, it's just the fact that I could operate better than you. And it's not. It wasn't based on willpower. That's the thing is people try to willpower themselves into doing stuff. And you'll do it for a week, maybe two, but you can't willpower stuff for four or five years.

Yeah.

You gotta be able to do that effortlessly, like effortless effort. The only way to get there is. Is when you shift to the identity of the person who. It's who they are to do that. And the ego protects it and it becomes an ease. So that's why successful people typically make things look easy. It actually is easy to them.

Yeah. When you also don't see him doing it behind the scenes either. Right. So I'm a firm believer that, you know, there's a mindset, if you will, of, hey, I want to reach the summit, but I don't want to climb.

The mountain for sure.

Right. Well, it's. It's in the journey up the mountain that the legs become stronger.

Yeah.

You know, so the next mountain you climb, it is. It is a little more effortless, you know, it is a little easier climb, you know. Yeah, it's exactly right. You know, and I think at the end of the day, you know, we all want to be seen, we all want to be heard, we all want to be affirmed. But I think the gift comes in the moment when you see those things inside yourself without having to see them from somebody else's perspective. You know, you finally, you know, you've known that you've done the work. You've known that you've changed your tendencies and your habits and some of your blind spots. You've known that you've taken the time to grow yourself to a point, and now you can become a mentor Everything that you've learned, everything that I've learned, in many respects, has been taught through hardship. But yet people don't want to face hardship. Hardship produces the wine, right?

That's how the new wine gets in the new wine skin. You know what I'm saying? So when you look at this whole thing, one of the reasons that I was so excited to talk to you today is because of identity and how to shape it. I think far too many people are running around with the identity someone else gave them rather than discovering what that identity should be for themselves.

Yeah, yeah. And activating your own damn self, like, with a plan, maybe for the first time in your life.

Yeah, plan.

Because when. Yeah, it's like when you have. Like when I have discussions with people, any successful person I've ever known, I can ask them, hey, think back to when you were unsuccessful. Who were you back then? Almost to a T, verbatim. It's like, oh, man, I was a different person.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

And so, like, that in of itself should be a light bulb that says, oh, can I say that about my past? If you can't, then you haven't made that shift. And the only reason, you know, successful people is because they have done it, whether they even knew it or not. It took me the long way around. It takes a lot of people the long way. But, man, if you can understand that little key piece for your future.

Dude, it's beautiful. And it's beautiful talking to you. I mean, it really is. I probably talked to you for three hours straight. Honestly, I do the. Definitely. Yeah. So quick question for you. I mean, how can the audience stay engaged with you and learn more about what you're doing and a lot of the work that you're doing, because a lot of work you're doing is amazing. So how can they learn more about it?

Yeah, if they go to Instagram and just, you know, follow me there. One thing I recommend is if you get a chance, DM me the word shift. It lets me know that you're in a space. You're like, hey, man, I got some aspirations and goals that I'm struggling to hit. Maybe I'm not able to stay super consistent. My routines are off.

Because this is the big thing. Sometimes emotions kind of get in the way. And I am in, I'm out. I start and I stop. I don't execute well. Like, just DM me the word shift and I'll share with you a couple of things that we do with people. Or you can go to slowergo co and take a quiz that lets you know which of four identities you're currently at and how to shift to the one that's going to be the most successful for you.

Love it, dude. Love it. Well, appreciate you coming on, man. I'm sure I'll be listening to this particular episode myself over and over again. I love the topics. I love the way in which you're approaching things. I love the way in which you've been structuring it. It's clear that you've taken a lot of time, a lot of energy to not only just develop the thought, but also develop the process.

Oh, yeah, the process is dialed now, man. I actually just. I was looking at before for here, like, I have a book coming out in spring of next year. And so we're in the process of, like, getting all those things tucked in to where it's nice and, like, clean. Because I spent so much time on this dry erase board making images and pictures and frameworks and put into the coaching programs and guiding people through. And it's like, all right, it's time to take the concepts and what I've seen work for people's lives and put it into a process that people can actually consume in a book. And apply.

Yeah, absolutely. Well, when you get ready for book launch, you got to come this direction. I'll have you back on in a heartbeat.

I appreciate that, man. I'm seriously put you on a list. I'm not even joking.

Jot me down, dude. It's all good. We got some of the same friends, man. It'll work out.

Count me in, man. I appreciate that.

All right, dude, well, I appreciate your time and I'll. I'll have you get on soon.

Awesome.

All right, dude, take care. See you too.

Thanks. Better?

I told you that dude was a rock star. And if you love that one, you're absolutely going to love this next one right here.

Check it out.

She said, do you meditate? And I literally went on a diet drive. Meditate? I don't have time to meditate. I'm a multimillionaire. I run the most notable sports agency in the world. I used to be the CEO of the world's first smartphone. Do you know who I am? Why would I meditate?