How Goal-Setting Leads To BURNOUT | Life-Mastery Q&A

Alright guys, welcome back to question and answers. Okay, here we go. We're gonna jump right into the today's topic here. Question number one is this. What are some practical ways to set a new healthy habit? Because I feel burnt out on my goal setting.

It's one of the reasons why I don't like to use the word goal setting or goals in general. I'm very, I'm much, much more outcome driven. Okay. To me a goal that does not, that's not translated into an actual outcome unfortunately is not clear enough to achieve. And the only way that you would be burned out on goal setting is if you're not achieving those goals. Is that right? I bet it is. So here's what I suggest instead of goal setting. First of all, look at it for the next 12 months, okay? Look at your. Look at whatever area is you're trying to get going on for the next 12 months. Inside of those next 12 months, I want you to pick an outcome, okay, that is, well, just outside of your reach. Just outside of your reach, no matter what it is. And then I want you to lay back step words going back from the outcome all the way back to where you are now. In other words, if I want to increase my income, what type of job, part time gig may you get? Is it possible to get a pay raise? What are the activities that you could do to generate the income desired? But the outcome should be I need to add 10% to my income. Right, so if you make $40,000 a year, you're going to add 10% to it. Maybe you're going to add 400 bucks. I'm sorry, $4,000. I had that way off. My math's broken today, Bo. In all seriousness, look at that. So, okay, what can I do to earn the $4,000? The additional $4,000? Maybe it's a pay raise, maybe it's a part time gig. Why do you want the money? What's going to be your motivating factor? Are you trying to get out of debt? Are you trying to buy something new? Are you trying to invest and maybe help a family member? What's the purpose behind it? Okay, lay out the steps. So step one might be I need to find a way to actually earn the money. Maybe I need to go try to ask for a raise, see if that's possible. If it's not, okay, great. I need a part time gig. I'm gonna look up and see what doordash pays or Uber Eats or any of those different services, right, to see what kind of potential Part time gig I can actually get, especially with COVID going on right now, use those different concepts to help you clearly define that outcome. Right, well then you go, okay, well, I know I can earn this amount of money for this specified amount of time. And now I just take the $4,000 and I divide the time, the money to determine how much time I need to spend earning the money to make the $4,000. The other problem I see with people who are getting burnout with goal setting is they're setting too many. They're setting way too many. Their goal sheet looks like an entire laundry list of things. In fact, one of our team members was doing that for a long time. I said, hey, pull up your. Pull up your outcomes. Show me your outcomes. And they did. And they pulled them up on their phone and they just scrolled. I'm like.

When is it going to stop?

It's no wonder they felt burnout on their outcomes. No wonder they felt burnout on goal setting. They had so many, their brain couldn't focus on the right ones. So pick two or three to prioritize, achieve those, then lay out other steps for other ones. That's going to be the quickest way to kind of get more traction. Because as you're making progress, your burnout will begin to fade. The final thing that I think you should do is to make sure you're checking your rest and your replenishment cycle. Are you actually getting enough rest? I find that a lot of type A personalities, for example, who do a lot of goal setting, a lot of watch a watch, a lot of personal development. I find a lot of those folks, all right, because I am one. A lot of those folks spend more time chasing and chasing and chasing and striving and striving and striving. They're getting up at 3am and staying up till midnight, getting up at 4am, staying up to minute day after day after day after day. They're skipping lunch, they're skipping breakfast, they're skipping dinner because they're so. Because I'm trying to get it done. I'm trying to get it done, not realizing they're actually making their body perform at a lower standard that then controls the overall clarity and the mental mindset that you can actually use to move forward. So when you go to pull the mental trigger, so to speak, right. When you go to pull the mental trigger, so to speak, you're. Your brain is not firing. The ideas aren't coming, the flow's not coming, the opportunity's not coming.

I would definitely Check to make sure your burnout is not based on goals, but it's actually based on your physicality. You gotta have rest one day, minimum of a week. You stop everything and you just enjoy the day, rest and reflect, replenish one day a week. I also recommend that at least you give yourself at least 30 minutes to an hour a day to do the very same thing. You've got to give your brain rest, you got to give your body rest. If you don't give your brain and your body rest, then what's going to happen is you are going to feel burned out. You're not going to feel like you actually have the energy to do much of anything and you'll stop trying altogether. And that's not what you want.

What you want to do is to create momentum and you create momentum with small wins. That's how you do it. Alright, I hope that helps. It's a longer answer, so, but I think it'll help you. All right, hope that helps.

Okay, our next question is this one. Where is the line drawn between taking advice of your family members and going your own direction? Oh my gosh. All right, so how long do I have to answer this question? I think I could go on about six years on this one. All right.

The people closest to you oftentimes do not see the full presence of the value that you bring. Why? Because they're always close to you and nearby you the same way. You probably take advantage of or, well, let's call it, ignore some of the giftings of the people that you most associate with. It's human nature. As we get closer to one another, we begin to mistakenly, subconsciously begin to take granted for the value that person brings. So historically, I personally don't typically go to my family members for any kind of major advice on specific areas of life that I'm trying to improve. Instead, I typically go to a third party source. For example, we have YouTube coaches that are helping us coach along to help us reach more people. Okay? If I'd have gone to my family and said, hey, look how much YouTube do you watch and what channels do you watch and what should I do? And they're going to give me their advice and. But none of them have ever built a major brand. None of them have ever built a major platform on YouTube. However, the coaches and the people who are helping us create this channel and modify this channel and continually tweak this channel are very, very gifted in YouTube. Very gifted in YouTube. So much so that many of them have millions of followers all their Own.

What I recommend you do is if it's a life changing decision. Right. I would only look at my family in the event that they are actively where I want to be in a given area. For example, the only like this is an example of when I might lean towards my family. Let's say my mother and my father have been married for 55 years or 35 years or 20 years and I'm about to get married or I'm considering getting married. Right. And I admire the relationship that they have. I think their relationship is beautiful. Well, then I might spend some time asking questions about the relationship. However, if they struggled in their relationships and have been divorced multiple times and or have a very toxic relationship now I'm probably going to ask somebody else who has the very relationship that I really, really want what their advice is. Okay. So I tend personally not to lean directly into family members. I unfortunately do not have really strong role models in the areas of finance and relationships in my own sphere of influence. So I'll typically go to people like the Dave Ramsey Organization. I'll talk about money with them. Right. Their process around money works. Okay. I might go to Gary Chapman and look up his materials for developing a better relationship. He wrote a book called the Five Love Languages that everybody should read. Everybody I might read. Read Love and Respect. Okay, I'm gonna lean into our mentorship matrix and if you haven't seen that video, it's found here on YouTube. Just search it out. Mentorship matrix that talks about the four different areas of mentorship that can come to you and what methodology and modality it can come.

I recommend that you don't spend a lot of time holding a lot of weight with family members and friends necessarily unless it's specifically in design area that they are actually really good at. It's the only time I do that. The reason I wouldn't do, the reason I would kind of stay in that lane is because they unfortunately do not always see the value. I've said, mentioned this in another question answer session where my father didn't believe I could do something for a long time. Then I went out and did it. Okay. He was coming from a place of love. He didn't fully understand it. I knew what I had inside of me and I had to push forward. But what I did do along that way was I went out and found the mentors that helped me get really good in that area because in some cases he was correct in that I didn't possess in that moment the skill set, the mentality and the Credibility to build what I wanted to build. But I knew people who did and I surrounded myself with those people. So I think if you lean more towards the mentorship area and more towards the coaching aspect and more towards the strategy side of things, things will probably pick up steam for you quicker. And then your family members and friends will actually come along because they'll see you actually doing it and you'll also give them the courage to do the same. I hope that helps.

All right, here's our next question. I'm pretty skeptical about taking personality tests mainly because I've noticed the trend of quote unquote, being obsessed with them, meaning there's a thousand different versions of them and everybody wants you to take their version to kind of discover more about yourself and all this kind of stuff. How useful are they, which one should I consider and what is a healthy outlook when I go to the result, when I go to review the results? All right, I will tell you the ones that I have personally taken that I've gotten value from. Okay? And then I'll tell you the ones that I personally use on a daily basis, on a consistent basis, the ones that we actually teach and share here. The very first one I ever took was something called the Strengths Finder long time ago. And the Strengths Finder is all about finding some of your professional strengths and how you can leverage those for your benefit. I didn't find anything in the questions that were toxic or worrisome or nothing like that. And I was able to use a lot of that content discover, hey, look, if I was doing anything other than being an entrepreneur or speaker, I would be totally screwed. So if I was an accountant, so doing something else, it just wouldn't work. Right. So that Strengths Finder can help you with your professional side. The next one I did that a lot of people have heard about, it's a very lengthy test and it's a little more difficult to understand is something called the Myers Briggs. Okay, the Myers Briggs is a very lengthy, a lengthy test, lengthy exam, but it does give you a lot of information, A lot of information. All right, so I didn't find anything in that particular test or assessment that should draw near for concern. All right. After that one, I began to be really acquainted, come really acquainted with a three part assessment that we have here at the Journey Principles that you can get in the Ultimate Server ultimate self awareness course. That's the disc, the values and what I refer to as emotional attributes. Okay, so that one's really helpful. One that's been all the rave recently is something called the Enneagram. Okay? Now, there's mixed reviews on the Enneagram. Much of the details and information you can find inside the Enneagram you can also find in many of these other assessments, right? You're reading a lot of the same information. Now, the reason people are obsessed with understanding more about themselves is so they can better leverage themselves for better potential, better future, better opportunities. Right? Because we're not always really geared to understand our strengths, our struggles and our blind spots. Well, assessments help with that. But some folks don't like the Enneagram because of its original origination, which actually has, and some would call it pagan rituals and all kinds of stuff like that. I dug back pretty far on the Enneagram overall. I did find the references they were making. I don't know that it's being utilized in a negative fashion to date. In fact, Ian Morgan or Ian Cron, excuse me, Ian Cron has. Does a phenomenal job in teaching the Enneagram, okay? I'm very. I'm very fond of his work. I say all that to say this. At the end of the day, no one personality assessment is going to give you a complete picture of who you are, okay? It's not going to give you a complete picture of your overall identity, nor should you use it like a horoscope, as then, this is all I'm ever going to be and this is who I am. That's an important distinction because I can tell you that even with our own personal team, sometimes when we're having conflict or we're trying to discuss things, we'll pull up certain data points of our personality styles and our value systems and our emotional intelligence. A way to say, well, you do understand this is where I'm coming from because I'm. I'm this. Okay? While there's truth to that, the identity shouldn't be tied to that. Here's why.

I'm what's known as a 99D80 something I75s. Okay? So I'm a very driven individual who likes people, who actually cares about people, which is a rare combination. I'm a DIS okay? However, a long time ago, a long time ago, I was a D. I C.

Let's just say I wasn't friendly to people, all right? Your personality styles and some of these traits will begin to shift as you mature. Why is that? Important is because if you look at your entire identity based on one assessment that you took two or three years ago or even a year ago, then you're likely going to see the old you and the old you tendencies rather than the new you. I will tell you that I personally typically take new assessments about every 18 months. Why? Because I'm a pro. I'm a work in progress just like you are. I want to better understand am I maturing in these different areas? Okay. One of the reasons that we personally use the disc, the values and the emotional attributes on a regular basis is because it gives us a more holistic approach. It tells us how we're tended, how to tend, how we tend to think, tells us how we tend to feel, and it also tells us how we tend to take action. Right. So our thinking, our feeling and our actions make up the bulk of how we actually take action in the world, which is why it's so vitally important. The other assessments don't really look at, from my perspective, a complete holistic approach. It's not that they don't offer great insight because some of them do. The enneagram is really strong with essentially self worth and self esteem issues. Like it's pretty strong there. But you can also see attributes that elements of that in our attributes assessment as well. Okay. The Myers Briggs is really good about giving you some, some, some understanding of relationships and blind spots and things of that nature. Okay. So it's a decent one. Okay. All of these different things are great tools. Again, my only caution is, is I wouldn't be taking them all the time. And I wouldn't take them because they're a fad. I would take them because I'm honestly wanting to learn more about myself using the process of exploration and discovery. I've actually seen people take personality assessments, or just in general, a lot of them. Right. They become assessment junkies, so to speak, to the obsessed part. They take the assessments, they then read the good and they're like, I'm really awesome at this. And then they read the bad and they beat themselves up with the stuff that is technically bad about their personality. Not realizing that all that is is a blind spot or a struggle that can be strengthened over time. That's how you become more and more of a well rounded individual. Let me tell you who a personality assessment is really for. The person who's never taken one, the person who has no idea who they are. And they're constantly asking themselves, who am I? At a subconscious level, at a conscious level, they're constantly stepping in the quote unquote, the figurative poop over and over again. They don't know why they're doing it. They just keep making bad decisions that's the kind of person that needs to get immediate self awareness, immediate self awareness to make sure they better understand how they can take action in the world and how, how those actions are actually formed in thought first. That's the right way to use personality assessment. Again, I take them about every 18 months. I typically take our assessments again because I think all the other ones are good and they offer value. But I think ours offers the most holistic approach because it's a three prong approach and that allows you to keep building and keep winning. So don't abuse them, don't keep taking, don't become an assessment junkie. All because it's a fad and it's a new hype thing, new whatever. Don't do that. Instead, lean into understanding the one that you've got in front of you at a deep, deep level. Look at the strengths, the struggles and the blind spot with a process of exploration, non condemnation. Now. Don't beat yourself up and see what you can learn. Apply what you learn. Give it time to take root and then do it again 18 months later. That's how you do it.

I feel like everything I touch or do fails. This has been a pattern all my life. It is. It's really starting to affect my sense of worth. How do I move past this? You were talking to the choir buddy or buddy yet, depending on what's going on out there in the world. Here's the thing. I will tell you that I felt that way for probably the first 22 years of my life. Well, maybe not the first 22, but obviously once I was aware of my identity and my purpose or my myself. And in doing so, I used to base all of my opportunity on yesterday's results. So if I made a bad decision, I would beat myself up with a bad decision that would lead me to make another bad decision and then the cycle would continue. When it comes down to how you look at mistakes and quote unquote failure and things of that nature, it can be so damaging that you might get as far as I did, which is always ready to take my own life. And if I hadn't been for divine intervention and a divine phone call, I would not be talking to you right now, here today. So I have been here desperate. And I'm not going to go too deep because I'll start crying on camera. And I know that's probably what you want, but I'm not going to go there.

Here's what I would say. I'm actually going to give you the 11 words that changed my life. And I want you to let them seep into your heart. And the reason I'm going to give them to you is because these 11 words have guided the rest of my life. And I found that as I put them more and more in my heart and I began to receive them more and more, I discovered that more and more of it became almost prophetically true. All right, so if you're. If this is you, this is your questions, here's what I want you to know. This too shall pass, and what comes next will be greater.

This too shall pass, and what comes next will be greater. If you continue looking at your mistakes, it's like looking in the rearview mirror. As long as you're looking in the rearview mirror, then, unfortunately, you're going to run your car off the road because you're not looking where you're going. The goal is to look where you're going.

You also need to understand there's one solid myth, and then that is failure is final. That is a total myth, Complete lie, and completely there to dissuade you and stumble you. Why is that important? It's important because failure is a falsehood. It does not exist. True failure does not exist. Instead, you're either learning or you're winning.

Big distinction. When I look back at all the mistakes that I made, all the stupid decisions that I had, all the people I accidentally hurt along the way, when I look at all of that and I look at all the experiences that came with it and all the lessons that came with it, I realize now that it's what's propelled me to be able to sit in this chair right now, talking in this microphone and talking to you.

And if you will just keep going and understand that your adversity in time will pass, that opportunity will begin to raise itself. As long as you're focused on the forward and focused on the future and focused on the learning.

You yourself will someday sit in a chair and tell somebody about your experience, about where you've been, about you, what you've overcome, about how that may help encourage them and where they're at and where they're currently at in their life in general.

You don't understand it right now, but what's happening right now is you are gaining wisdom by experience, and it's by far the best place to gain it from. But it's going to come down to your overall perspective on how you actually use it moving forward. So I say all that to say this. This too shall pass, and what comes next will be greater. All You've got to do is stop looking in the rear view mirror at the mistakes and instead stare at the windshield at the open road in front of you and you'll get there. Hope that helped.

Alright guys, I want to do a bonus question and this bonus question comes from one of our YouTube subscribers. She said I had the permission to give her initial so. Or I assume it again. They have a very unique name, so I'm assuming this is a female. If I'm wrong, please don't get mad at me. But sm. Okay, we're going to go with sm. Very unique and beautiful name. Here's the thing. So we get up, we get an email from our YouTube subscriber and she says, I really enjoy your videos. I always look forward to them. I want to start networking. However, I'm very introverted and I enjoy my own company more than anything else. In other words, I like my me time or like my. Maybe she's he or she is a bit of a homebody, which is great. Okay. I pray, I rest, I replenish. However, during my last days, I'm finding it harder and harder to go out and actually begin to network and meet people.

Okay, so this, this particular answer is for the super introverted group who's watching? Okay, I have been. I know it's gonna, this is gonna sound totally crazy. I used to be totally introverted. I know you're like, dude, there's no way you're introverted. You're on camera, you're on radio, there's no way you're introverted. I need you to trust me on this. Now my introverted behavior was long before I found my faith, long before I knew who I was. Long before. And what I realized was, is my insecurity, my insecurities were leading the way. I didn't put myself in social situations because I was a bit scared that I wouldn't be socially accepted. And that's at the root of cause. At the root. That's where most introverts, okay, who are naturally inner self people have their greatest fear. Now that doesn't mean it has to stay that way. And it doesn't mean if you move past that you still become all of a sudden extroverted. What it does say is you begin to kind of mature in that area. And here's what I mean by that. One of the quickest ways to mature as an introvert is to actually put yourself in a position where you're surrounded by people. Now granted, what I'm talking about is post Covid pre Covid that kind of deal. Obviously you got to be safe.

But at this point in time, I can tell you I was beginning to build my self esteem, my own identity, and beginning to step out of my shell a little bit. What I used to do is I would grab my laptop, I would go to a Starbucks or a coffee shop, and I would sit down at the table and I would actually put my earbuds in and I would just wr. Some of which became, in my first book, some of which is coming in the second book. But I would write, I would reflect, I would go through time, I would spend time just getting to know myself and just. But the one thing, even though I wasn't actively engaging with people, talking to them and shaking hands and giving hugs, the one thing that was taking place was I was actually sensing the people in the room. I was telling one of my team members recently that there's about a three foot circle around each one of us that becomes a personal space. It's also very interesting to know that if you are in a dark room and you were by yourself, you would know it. If you were in a dark room and you had another person in the room, you would actually feel their presence, right? Good or bad or indifferent, you would feel the presence. Why is that important? Because when you go to a Starbucks, you go to a restaurant, you do these different things. And what you're inevitably doing specifically is you are actually putting yourself in a place to feel someone else's presence. Okay? It's the first step in stepping out of your shell. You don't have to talk to anybody. You don't have to do anything. You're just there to sense people's presence. You're there to witness conversations. You're there to witness happiness and laughter and even phone calls that maybe need comforting and things of that nature. You're there to pick up on signals. Okay? Give that a try. For about 30 days. Okay? The next 30 days, make sure that you're being super friendly to the person who's taking your order, okay? Find out what their name is, call them by name, look at their name tag and say, hey, Jane, it's good to see you. Jane's. Jane's already seen you coming in and getting coffee every morning, right? Or getting food or getting lunch or getting. Hitting the bistro, whatever, whatever event you go to. Jane's getting used to you. And now you're getting to know Jane. As you get to know Jane, then you can get. Then you can get to know the barista standing next to her. Okay, you're just putting yourself out there in baby steps. Once that's done, and you've done that for 30 or 40 days or 60 days or whatever comfort level you have, then when you go back into the same coffee shop all over again, okay, then person that sits down next to you or the table over to you, just say, hey, good morning. Hope you're having a great day. Nobody's gonna get on you for that. And they're gonna say, thank you. Hope you're having a good day too, Good morning. And they might go back to what they're doing. You may feel led to open up an actual conversation. Maybe you don't. It's okay. You're baby stepping your way into this. And you're also teaching yourself a very valuable lesson, a very valuable lesson as it relates to emotional intelligence and relational intelligence. You see, most of your opportunities in your life are actually going to come from people and key relationships that you make, right? Jeff Fencer, a great entrepreneur of Everbowl, for example, likes to say this. He likes to say that relational capital is essentially revenue in the bank. As you get to meet people, you'll begin to create relationships with people who are, well, probably either similar to you, shared same values and interests, and as a result, you're able to keep moving forward, building quality relationships. But if you're super duper introverted, that's the easiest way to baby step your way into relationships, right? Start off by feeling the presence and just picking up on the signals. Then go to the next step, which is talking to the people that have to talk to you anyway. And you just be friendly and smile. After that, talk to the person next to you. And before long you'll discover, like me, that all of a sudden you actually enjoy people's company. And as you enjoy people's company, opportunities open up. And that opportunity leads you to this relationship and that leads you to this relationship, and that leads you to this relationship and this relationship. And the next thing you know, you might just be talking to a camera to you out there, to someone else who actually experienced the same thing you've been through. And you can help them win. I hope that helps. I know you got this. I'm proud of you for making the taking the steps and taking the time to to email some questions. Appreciate you. Take care. See you soon. All right. I hope you enjoyed the question and answer session for today. If you want your question answered on a future episode or here or on Instagram, go ahead and email me at questionsourneyprinciples.com and I'll be happy to take the time to answer the best way possible so you can begin to win in your life. Thanks again for watching.