How To Build Better Relationships

Hey guys, in this video we're going to dig into what it takes to make great relationships. So stay tuned.

Hey guys, it's Steven Scoggins again with the Journey Principles. And this channel is all about helping you go from stuck to unstoppable in every single area of your life. In order to do that, you have to have and learn and apply principles that create consistent and amazing results.

And today I want to give you seven principles that I personally use to build healthy and awesome relationships. And here's why this is so important. There's a favorite quote of mine that says, show me your five friends and I'll show you your future. Well, the reason that's so important is because your friendships will make or break your actual life. Now guys, this is not a new concept. It's been around for thousands of years and used by hundreds, if not thousands of entrepreneurs and really successful people. Entire communities have been built or destroyed based on the people that were in and around them. If the community contained people who were focused on building great relationships, for example, and sought to serve one another, the community would thrive and become incredibly successful. However, if the community contained people who were selfish, stole, lied, cheat and stole, if you will, a lot of times that same community would be short lived and the success would be pretty much eradicated. Now, that's not what you want in your life. It's not what I want in my life. You see, we can't get great relationships unless we're handling ourselves in a matter that actually builds people up and adds value to their lives. Because we're all looking for that win win strategy. For example, in the book of Proverbs, it actually says, walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. In short, if you walk with good people, you'll learn from good people. If you walk with bad people, you'll. Unfortunately, you're going to end up in a bad place. And I don't know about you, but I don't want to be a fool and I don't want to be foolish. I'd much rather gain wisdom and insight from people who can actually help me see my blind spots and help me take advantage of the opportunities coming my way. Some of my greatest opportunities for advancement, if not all of my greatest opportunities for advancement, came through building relationships. Which is why you have to be focused on building great relationships. And the right relationships don't be focused on being right or in control. Because when you focus in that direction, unfortunately opportunities and all the doors seem to slam shut right in your face. And none of us actually want that. We all need opportunities. We all want to grow. We want to have an abundant life. So let's go ahead and jump into the seven principles that you must use to develop a great relationship so you can actually take advantage of your relational opportunities that come your way. Principle 1 Listen more than you speak so many times we miss the opportunity to actually build relationships because we're so focused on what we want to say rather than taking the time to listen, which means we miss valuable information when we do that, we miss valuable cues, connection points, and the opportunity to build rapport using empathy or concern or partnership. You know, there's a running joke that says the reason why God only gave us two ears and one mouth was to build great relationships and avoid getting in our own way. Now, Principle 2 is kind of like it. Principle 2 says choose friends wisely and set reliable boundaries. When I look back at some of my most painful moments that came from relationships, they were all unfortunately bad for my life based on the type of person they were. Do you remember the story I told you about the self awareness video? I got off track because I got lost in destructive and toxic relationships and I couldn't see the importance of taking care of myself or developing a professional career. The reality is, not all of your relationships are good for you. In fact, only a select few are actually really truly beneficial. This is why we have to take extra care in choosing who we spend our time with and what influence they may have in and around our life. I always like to say, if there's no character in them, there's no connection needed. I'm always looking for three things in a high quality relationship and here they are. First of all, wisdom, character and honesty. And if these things aren't present, I'll go ahead and move on to make sure that I'm filling my pipeline with people who can actually help me succeed and people who I can actually add value to their lives myself. Now. Principle 3 Ask more than you tell One of the greatest lessons I've ever learned is that questions open hearts and statements close them. The reality is, most people are less concerned with making a connection and far more concerned about taking control of a conversation. And then when that happens, their relationship starts to fall apart or actually never really get started in the first place. And we don't want that. So I've learned to spend the first few minutes of my time, especially connecting with someone new. I asking them no less than three to five questions about themselves before I ever discuss something that's important to me or raise any information about myself that allows me to build a solid relationship. Which leads me to my next point. Principle 4 Pay attention and be present. Ma', am, I gotta be honest with you, that was a incredibly hard one for me because I'm the guy who was set up on his phone, texting and emailing, trying to take care of all his business while also sitting there with my kids and my wife who honestly deserve my time. Sometimes even having your phone on the table gives the other person the impression that you're more concerned with other things other than them. No one wants to feel unvalued. So be present and in full transparency from my heart to yours. I wasn't being present. I love my wife and I love my family deeply, but for some reason I was always trying to solve the next problem rather than be present with them. So I had to learn how to pay attention and be present. Which means from time to time I actually have to leave my phone in another room. I've got to slow my mind down, I've got to slow my heart rate down, and I've actually got to focus on connecting. My wife Karen would say this. Ears can never hear what words cannot say and she's used that to help me understand how important it is to be present because it simply means if someone's not willing to listen, they're never willing to connect and they'll never connect with the other person saying or in the environment. Be present and remove distractions whenever possible to build solid relationships. Alright, Principle five Make it important. If it's important to them, make it important to you. I can honestly say that this is still pretty difficult for me most days because I have so many things going on my mind in all these different businesses and I can get lost in distraction. But when my wife or my family comes to me wanting to share something with me that they're excited about and I'm not willing to pay attention and listen because it's less important than the thing that I'm focused on. Guess how it makes them feel? How would it make you feel? I've had to go as far as to make it a point to prove that I'm listening to myself by actually repeating back to them what I heard them say. And I ask questions like did I hear you correctly? And this what you meant to show I'm engaged in listening and I do my best to stay away from replying with things like haha, yeah. Mmm, sounds good. Yeah, thanks baby. Sure thing. No problem. You can tell you're not listening. This Little short answer proves to the people that we're talking to them we're not paying attention at all. And let's face it, some of the most important relationships you'll ever have in your entire life are gonna want to feel just as valued as you want to feel yourself when you're connecting with them. Alright, ready? Principle 6. Always respond with the intent to connect and not the intent to be right. How many wars, conflicts could have been avoided if we simply took enough time to actually gain perspective while communicating with someone else in order to make sure that what was actually being said was actually being heard Instead? Everyone spends so much of their time seeking control or the ability to be right more than the ability to connect. I've learned from past experiences that there's absolutely no way to build a healthy connection when you're so focused on getting your own way and being right all the time. How can you do it when you're focused on listening and connecting? First, it opens up the heart of the other person for them to hear your perspective and viewpoint as well, because they feel valued and heard. So I've done my part to focus on listening first and sharing second. And believe it or not, if you'll do the same thing, you'll begin to build amazing relationships with great people who can actually help you propel your future. Alright, ready? Final one. Principle 7. Focus on their perspective before sharing your own. If you remember, the very first step in the GROW framework is G Gain perspective. Simply look, listen and connect from as many angles as possible to better understand every situation and every person as well as possible. The only way to do that is to allow the other person to share first and then you ask a lot of questions. That way they feel like you're being valued and they feel like they're being heard and they feel like they've shared. One of the reasons I've actually taken the time to leave number seven as the last principle is because if you do the other six principles, you'll be well on your way in doing the number seven principle yourself. And over time this will become more automatic and more consistent, allowing you to be more present in every single moment and actually build connections when all else fails. Make sure you're genuine, you're confident, you're humble, trustworthy, positive, and be fun. Be energetic. Have good times with building connections. So if you'll do those seven principles, you'll finally get relationships that build and relationships that can help, and you'll be just as valuable to them as they are to you and you enjoy your relationships see you in the next video. Hey, guys, if you enjoyed this video, I'd recommend you also check out our whiteboard lesson where we teach you the seven relationships you must have to win at life. I truly can't recommend this enough. It's that valuable. Also, we've put together an Entire Life Mastery one on one playlist right here on YouTube, so make sure you take the time to check that out as well.