How To Deal With Toxic Relationships

Hey guys, welcome back. In this video, I'm going to teach you how to determine if you're in a toxic relationship and what you can do about it. So let's get it.

Hey guys, it's Steve Muscogas again with the Journey Principles. And this channel is all about helping you go from stuck to unstoppable. And we talk about life mastery and principles and strategies that actually work. And if this is your first time here, for the sake of this video, I'm going to recommend that you watch our face to face videos from last week, how to build Great relationships. It'll help you set the tone for the other side of relationships we're going to discuss today.

Guys, I'm deeply passionate about this topic because for far too long it was the primary reason I stayed stuck in my life. And I wasted well over a decade trying to cater to the wants and needs of toxic people in my life. It was a toxic relationship that actually caused me to lose sight of my own personal identity, my dreams and my calling. And I almost lost it altogether. And I don't want that for you. If you think there's even a chance that you're in a toxic relationship, please pay close attention because in this video I'm going to share the three phases of a toxic relationship so you know the warning signs before they end up causing you harm. And here they are. First of all, the first phase of a toxic relationship is called the entrapment phase. The second phase is the anchor phase, and the third phase is the control phase. So one of the things you're going to notice about toxic relationships is that each phase gets progressively harder to pull away from. It's like a vacuum of sorts. As we go through each phase, give yourself a 1 to 10 ranking on how much they relate to you as I teach them to you. One means it's least like my situation and 10 means it's most like my situation. Alright, let's go ahead and jump in. And so we can understand what toxic relationships are and each phase. So hopefully you can avoid getting yourself in a lot of trouble and breaking your heart on a regular basis. One of the things I want to teach you today is how to look for common themes or common traits of toxic people and toxic behavior. Now, as we go through all three phases, understand that no one person should probably have more than 5 of the total list throughout all three phases we're about to discuss and should not rank below a five or six in each one of those. If they do, I recommend ending that relationship in the safest way possible and distancing yourself in the quickest way possible. So let's go ahead and jump in and actually understand what these different things are. So first of all, what is a toxic relationship? A toxic relationship is any relationship that steals your emotional, physical or mental security from you. Phase one, the entrapment phase, AKA the save me phase. Typically you see that within the first three to six months of a relationship. Here are the running themes in this particular phase. For one, they start off with massive fireworks, like a movie love story. You know, the. You complete me. Here's another example. The other person states how they were wronged and always the victim in their story that they share. In other words, they're always saying how they needed saving. Another one would be the relationship got very physical very fast and almost became like a routine early on. Physical encounters became incredibly passionate and incredibly reoccurring. You also begin to think something doesn't seem right a lot of times and unfortunately you probably decide, like I did, to turn a blind eye to a lot of alarming behavior such as substance abuse or the inability to hold down a job. And unfortunately, a lot of that times that turns into people talking negatively about people whom you admire. Let's face it, none of us actually need that behavior in and around our relationships on a regular basis. It starts the process of becoming very, very toxic. Alright. Phase two. Otherwise known as the anchor phase. Some would say don't look here, look over their face. A lot of times this begins to show itself in the three to six month window of a relationship. And I'm not necessarily talking just about romantic relationships. It could be any relationship. Here are some symptoms. The relationship begins to get more and more controlling with the other party wanting to know where you are and what you're doing early and often. Another symptom might be they become increasingly jealous and consistently accuse you of doing the things you are not actually doing. Another option might be the relationship begins to show signs of lies and deception on their part. And if you were like me, you begin to see things that want to make you say, like, hmm. And within a short period of time you see lies start to show up. In other words, they start hiding things like text emails and sometimes even give the appearance of, well, inappropriate rendezvous with other people. Another symptom might be the relationship does not have the same standards in regards to trust and freedom as it did in the beginning. In other words, it becomes increasingly more controlling. Another symptom is they require you to give them as much visibility as possible into your daily and Personal relationships. They want to know everything about everybody. Another example may be that they take no consideration of your perspective and work towards decreasing your overall perception of value on a regular basis. Some of the things you may be feeling might be something like you're not in equal footing with them. There's an imbalance of control, if you will. They also have a tendency to privately criticize you or devalue you in order to position themselves as most important in the relationship. And try to position themselves as the center of your world and get offended when you don't do that. Another sign is they tend to become more of a salesperson putting on a mask in front of your close friends and family in order to win them over to their side for future use. It's a style of manipulation. Another symptom is they're focused on finding things wrong with you. Rather than telling you what's wrong awesome about you. They diligently focus on breaking down your self esteem on a regular basis. You know, I don't like that dress. Cut your hair. You're really not as talented as you think you are. I don't like that. Whatever you want to call it. Another symptom is they never take responsibility for their mistakes or actions. They always blame someone else, including you, for their mistakes. And finally, you routinely and instinctively feel like you need to defend them on a regular basis. Almost like the save the world mentality. It's not your job to save them. A toxic person almost always accuses you of doing things wrong that they're actually doing themselves. The final phase is the control phase. The you're mine now. Instead of being a person, you're now a possession. They're heavily focused on controlling all aspects of the relationship. There's continual and regular manipulation. They insist that you give up everything that you truly love doing with your free time, painting, running, working out, hanging out with friends. Your family and friends become very concerned about the toll the relationship is taking on you personally. And they begin to notice things that maybe you're not noticing yourself. You've basically stopped taking control of your personal care seriously and lost sight of your whole future. And you're beginning to lose sight of who you are as a person. They tend to talk down to you in a defamatory manner whenever possible. And with people that you actually trust, physical altercations can begin and bodily harm can actually become a possibility. They focus on turning all the problems around on you and making it your fault and never taking accountability for their actions. In other words, you're their greatest solution and their greatest problem? They publicly criticize and devalue in order to position themselves as most important in a relationship, both in front of people and behind the scenes at the end of the day. All three of these phases have two things in common as they progress. Control and total dominance. That's why every relationship must be looked at objectively over time. What's important to know is know your worth and never, ever settle. Toxic relationships can happen in any type of relationship. Love life, family life, and recreational life. One thing you should always remember is to apply as much physical and emotional distance as possible between yourself and the toxic people. The reality is broken people break others and toxic people are no different. They're just broken people who haven't learned how not to break other people. Many toxic people have had very traumatic experiences, oftentimes don't know what normal life really is outside of that quote normal behavior. Toxic people also don't heal overnight, so never fall for the quick apology or somehow they've what, solve their boundary issue or their whatever overnight. It just doesn't happen. Look, people make mistakes, but toxic people make the same mistakes over and over again and they begin to make you believe or in some cases adhere to a list of things such as it's all your fault and that you cross the line, they're incredibly sorry and it'll never happen again. Always remember that when someone truly apologizes, their behavior will change pretty much immediately and not for a day or a week, but for a future entirety. You have to have consistent progress of seeing that behavior change. Always watch people's actions and never focus on their words. Good trees bear good fruit and bad trees bear bad fruit. Actions will always speak louder than words, which is why you got to focus on the actions and not the words. That's about all the time we have for today, but if you're beginning to realize that you're in a toxic relationship, you need to do two things. First of all, go back and watch the video here in the Face to Face playlist called how to Build great Relationships. And Second, go to JourneyPrinciples.com resources and download the free ebook 7 Relationships you must have to win at life so you can understand what a great relationship is and you can get rid of the ones that are tearing you apart. I hope you enjoy this video and we'll see you in the next one. Take care. Hey guys, if you liked this video and you want to learn more about how to identify toxic relationships in your life or for a loved one, I recommend you also check out our whiteboard lesson we did on the traits of a toxic relationship. Also, we've put together an Entire Life Mastery 101 playlist right here on YouTube, so please feel free to check that out as well.