How to Lead a Transformational Life

Guiding you to become the hero of your own story. This is the Journey principles radio show where you are the warrior and we are your weapons. Now here are your hosts, Josh Bledsoe and master life strategist Steven Skaggins.

Welcome back, everyone, to the journey principles radio show. We are so excited to have you in the studio today. I'm apologizing for my voice. This is not the sweet, silky smooth, jazzy sounds of Journey principals radio show. This is the version of Josh that has a cold and we will get through it. Thankfully, we have Stephen in the studio and he's going to share a lot of great things. We're going to go back to the basics today a little bit and talk about something that is really what helps Stephen get to where he is today. And it's a matter of changing and shifting in your lifestyle. Right. We talk a lot about this every single week of nuggets and things you can do to enhance your life or change the situation, if you will. But where did it all get started? We understand that you're in your own place of life. You're very busy. You have an incredibly busy job, you have incredibly busy family life, and some of that may be in turmoil. So we want to take things back to the basics. But before I do, I just want to welcome Steven. How's it going, man?

Dude is so glad to be back in the studio for two weeks in a row.

It's good to have you back to.

Gosh, a month without us being on the air together, hanging out.

I know it was a bad. It was a bad month. I got kind of lonely and quiet. Yeah. Can you imagine me quiet? I was very lonely. I'm a high eye personality, so when I'm not around people or talking to people, it kind of sucks.

Your high personality and you're not around people, you get stuff done.

Did get a lot of stuff done, but I didn't have fun doing it and I want to have fun doing it. So. All right, so. So today's topic, we're going to talk about the traditional life versus the transformational life. Our audience has heard us talk about transformation, breakthrough, aha moments, obviously, transformation, just like a huge successful business doesn't happen overnight.

That's right.

Neither does a transformational life. But let's take it way back to the traditional life. Let's start there and then work our way up to transformation. Where were you at when you first made that shift?

I think it all starts with one question. I think people ask this. Ask this question on a regular basis and that's, that is this. Why do I stay stuck?

Yep.

Why do I stay stuck? And that, that one question haunted me for probably, probably close to a decade, if I'm honest.

They feel like they're just constantly.

Yeah, you know. You know we talked about this earlier today on the, on the live stream coaching we did on transform your line with, with our vent with our folks there about.

How you. The reason you stay stuck oftentimes has to do with your mindset as a whole. But on top of that, most of us don't know the steps or the process in order to move forward to go from a quasi traditional life to more of a transformational life.

Exactly, exactly.

In fact, transformation has become like a buzzword of some sorts. And there's really so much more to transformation. Internal transformation, I believe. From the day we're born, from the day we're born were designed to actually be transforming, so to speak. Not like Transformers, like the movie, which was a good movie by the way. I actually liked it. Nice soft plug there for, you know, you guys didn't ask for it.

You know, but it centered around what, you know, why are we, you know, how. Why do I stay stuck?

Yeah.

And we talked a lot about today about people that are trying to break people break free from a poverty mindset or a lack of belief that they're somehow worthy of some kind of new level of growth or success or some kind of new level of opportunity or some kind of new level of structure. Structure. And it all comes down to being stuck.

Yeah.

And how many times have we worked with people both under live events or whether it be on the show or inside the school or out in the public or one on one or coaching calls. I mean you think about it every time, every time the question is always the same in some weird fashion. Right. And that is stuck.

How do I break free? What do I got to do to stop repeating this stuff? Yeah, yeah.

So we began digging into that. I discovered we were. It's funny, we were sitting here and we were getting ready for transform you live probably eight or nine months ago. And I was re pondering that same question. Why, why? Why do we stay stuck? And better yet, how was it that I was able to shift my own life? Because my personal experience is my best teacher to help others with. To break free from being stuck myself. Yep. And when I did that, I very quickly discovered there was an actual four step process that keeps you stuck. Okay. What I mean by that is most people judge your life by your own outlook, you know, so the outlook you have on your life currently. So how you believe about yourself today will determine how you make decisions tomorrow, the next day, a week from now, a month from now.

Absolutely, yeah.

So if you don't change how you believe and how you think right now, then nothing really ever changes. Okay. Well, the next part of that is how do you reinforce that same behavior? Right. And we call that daily habits. Your daily routines. What are the. You know, everything from what you tell yourself in the morning. Right. How you believe about yourself all the way to your daily routines. Do you get up and go to the gym? Do you do something to build your mind, body, spirit? Do you not do something to build your mind, body, spirit? Do you. Do you have a problem with boundaries, with people? Do you deal with toxic people on a regular basis? Are you yourself, a toxic person, which.

You talked about at length at transform you?

Oh, heck yeah. I mean, it was funny watching the tears and the smiles all at the same time. Incredible.

I'm glad you brought up the point of what you tell yourself in the morning, because a lot of times, and this isn't for everyone, of course, but some people wake up in the morning and the first thing they do is they see what other people are telling them. Other people are saying on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram or any of those things. They're checking those things just in case overnight the public's eye about them has changed. Or they're checking email just in case overnight things have erupted and they have to now all of a sudden speed up. Are we robbing ourselves?

Oh, we're robbing ourselves. The last thing you should do is judge your future by someone else's belief of your future. Yeah. I'm a firm believer that you can cultivate, create, strengthen, grow, whatever future you want, however you want to do it. Yeah, I believe that wholeheartedly, and I'll always believe that. Why? Because many of my mentors showed me how to do that. Yeah. You know, so again, we already talked about, what's your outlook? How do you believe? How do you. What are your. What do you believe your potential to be? How do you look at yourself? What daily habits reinforce that same behavior on a regular basis. And then the ultimate one we've talked about before, but I don't know if we talked about it in the same kind of way. Which is your strategy? Okay. You can't win a baseball game, a football game, a hockey game. You can't go to a dance recital. And without a strategy of how to become better.

Exactly.

However, most of us go through Our life on a day, in and out basis all the time trying to just be something we were never meant to be to begin with.

Yeah. We're influenced by the society that's around us. Exactly what we think we identify with or we think that is so cool. That's what we try to be. That's what we try to live up to.

You know. And then so you take all that rolled up into one and typically what we find is especially a traditional lifestyle, it's the lack of strategy. Lack of strategy, not a strategy.

We're kind of just winging it. Is that we're saying exactly what.

So you wake up in the morning, you don't believe you have potential or you really can achieve your real potential. Okay. Therefore you take date, you make daily habits and you do things daily habit wise that just reinforce the same. Your weird belief system. Yeah. Then you don't take the time to actually create a strategy to break free. And the next thing that happens, the fourth thing that happens in a traditional life cycle is going to be your outcome. You're going to get the outcome you've always had. Therefore it just turns back around and says, well if it's the outcome I've always had, it's the outcome I'm always going to get.

That's right.

You see what I'm saying?

Yeah.

So what we do is what we like with transform you. One of the things we do in the, in the, in the system specifically is we teach you how to take those same four components and flip them on their head.

Put them in different order.

Yes.

Okay.

The order in which you focus your life and by just the sheer nature of just flipping these four components on your head, on its head, so to speak, is already creating a brief but very effective strategy.

See, I like this because I'm essential. I'm a simple country boy from Tennessee. If you give me more steps to do or different steps to do, I might get confused.

Yep.

But you're telling me they're the same exact things, the same exact steps, but now we're just switching them around.

Absolutely.

Based on what? Why do we sort of.

Here's what I mean. So we already talked about traditional mindset, outlook, daily habits, strategies, outcomes. Yeah. So I'm getting outcomes I don't want. And it all starts with my belief and kind of how I, how I view myself on the front end. However, if you take the same four components which are outcomes, strategies, daily habits and outlook. Okay. If you take all four of those and you rearrange that and what I Mean by that is a transformational lifestyle. Always focus on the outcome you want first. What outcome do I want? What kind of relationship do I want? What kind of financial life do I want? What kind of profession do I want? What kind of lifestyle do I want? Health wise.

Yeah.

What kind of spirituality do I want? Do I want to be closer to God or further away from him?

So start with the end in mind.

Start with the end in mind.

Okay. All right.

Start with the end in mind.

That makes perfect sense because then that will kind of cultivate a stronger why within us. But then you say move to the second one and I know if you guys are watching me on Facebook, I'm.

Pointing out a book.

Don't worry, I'll show you the book in a second.

He's talking about our playbook from Transform you.

So the second one is strategy. Why do you go from alright, this is where I want to be. Right. Into strategy. This seems like really big picture.

It's the same thing I would just mentioned before. Meaning when we started talking about this. Yeah. A strategy is nothing more than a process to get where you want to go.

Mm.

A strategy is nothing more than a proven process or predicted process to get where you want to go. Period.

Proven process. How do they, how do they know it's proven?

Well, a lot of times what we teach obviously has been lived out not just by myself, but other of my mentors and other people along the way that have taught me a lot of this content to help me share it with everyone else. Yeah. But for the most part, it'll have a couple of facets. It'll always have integrity. It always be based in character and always be principle based.

Okay.

Okay.

Not emotional based or okay.

Your emotions, your emotional habits, emotional influences typically will actually get in the way until you learn how to train them. Most people don't believe they can train them. You know, for example, I've got a friend of mine who considers himself the enforcer. Every sports thing he goes to, I'm like, why do you have to be the enforcer? Why do you, why have you self identified with this enforcer personality?

Does he wear a badge?

He does not wear a badge.

I feel like you should get him a badge.

Yeah. But he, but he does, I think he does wear superhero clothes under his, under his, under his equipment though.

Oh. So he's like basically tucking in the cape and going, all right, I'm gonna force something.

Done. But what he's done is he's identified with this behavior system that the enforcer. And if you think about enforce, if you watch any sport, any movie, the enforcer always has sheer aggression pretty much all the time. Short tempered all the time. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. So what he's began to do is he's began to just predispose himself to this mentality. So he's quick tempered. Yeah, right. He's quick on the. So I'm saying it just, it kind of, it's self propelling.

Sounds like Robocop. Are you friends with Robocop?

I am not friends with robocop.

All right, so you're talking about a proven strategy that someone else has gone through, they've got experience with and they can articulate that experience.

Yep.

This is where I get the hang up because then, you know, you and I were at a conference not long ago last year.

Yep.

Almost this time last year. And we heard Dr. Henry Cloud talk about every time we have a conversation with someone we are rewiring their software and same for, same for us. They're rewiring our software. That's influential. Now when you talk about sitting down with a trusted advisor or a coach, that person really needs to be mature. Right. I really need to understand that the words that come out of their mouth are influential. What if the people out there watching on Facebook live or listening to us over the radio right now don't have that mentor, that coach in their life? What should they do?

Well, the first thing they do is probably reach out to us. Yeah. We have a slew of mentors and coaches here that are, that are proven that I can vouch for their character and their integrity.

Yeah.

If that's not an option for you, then you need to be looking at what honesty looks like. Yeah. What self, selflessness training looks like. What I mean by that is a quality mentor or a coach is going to be very selfless and how they communicate with you. Yeah. They will teach you even in some cases if they don't get anything in return.

Yeah.

Right. So life coaching is this big buzzword around the world right now, right?

Yeah.

So I make.

We should probably rename it to something else though. It doesn't sound so cliche. Yeah.

I mean for me, life coach, if you're gonna be a real life coach, you must have already been somewhere that I'm coming from.

Right.

You know, if you've already been somewhere that I'm coming from and you've managed to keep your character, integrity and principle based living intact, now I have some trust that where you're gonna lead me or the information you're gonna give me is going to grow me and mentor me and help me shape my own life. Yeah. As opposed to going to a family member that has been divorced six times and getting marital advice.

Yeah. Or you're your next. Or your next door neighbor about financial or real estate advice because you hate your house that you're living in.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Rather than go to the person that's been married for 50 years and say, hey, look, I've. This is a crazy season. What do I do? What am I? What am I? Spouse and I do. Yeah.

You know, I'm glad you mentioned that they can reach out to us because folks, coming up in August, we're gonna reveal a huge tool. I'm not gonna talk about it any more than that. In August, we're gonna reveal a huge tool that is that safe place that he's talking about where you can come into a place where people have been vetted, they're trusted. Their integrity is the very most important thing on their portfolio, if you will. And that's where you can actually engage with them.

Open dialogue. One on one or in a group. Right. We've created a situation where you can do all that inside of a group.

We're big into safe places, so. And that's one of the things that if you're. If you're in a very fragile state. Yeah. And I know we haven't got all the way through the traditional piece yet. If you're in a very fragile state, you need a safe place that you can actually grow and mature from.

Yes, absolutely. So this situation of art, we're starting with the. The outlook in mind and outcome.

Yep.

Outcome. Excuse me. And then the strategies in place. Talk to me about. The strategy is like a plan.

Right.

It's just a, just a blueprint.

It's a blueprint.

So more just like a.

So my outcome might be that I want to have less people walking on me. Okay. Typically what that means is I have. I personally have boundary issues. I probably have some people pleasing in my DNA. I probably have some other broken trust along the way that I'm dealing with.

Yeah.

Where I feel like I have to earn someone else's love and compassion and stuff like that. But if I want that to change, I'm gonna. I want to focus on my outcome, which is I want a healthy relationship.

Uh huh.

What is my strategies? What do I need to learn and apply on a consistent basis to change my behavior? Okay. Which leads us into the next phase, which is daily habits and daily routines. Okay.

Yep.

So once I Have an idea of my strategy. The daily habits take over, and applying that strategy.

Those are the worker bees, the. The minions, if you will, that you're putting the strategy on the backs of those.

Right. That's why it's important sometimes to have a mentor coming up come into play and, and help us shape that, because we may. We may have an idea where we want, but we may need a mentor to help us really clarify what outcome we want. And we also may need a mentor to help us shape the strategy it's going to take to get there, because they're already going to see things from a different angle. Some of my best mentors help me understand the word perspective in a way that I cannot explain. And they also gave me a different mindset of being open to different viewpoints, being open to different perspectives, so to speak, that allow me to see things from a much, much greater angle. And it's funny when you can see it, when you have my people think when they have a problem or some kind of something come up, there's only one solution. Almost nine times out of 10, there's 3, 4, 5, 6, 10 solutions that you're just not looking at. And if you can learn to evaluate all those and obviously you can pick.

A better path, are we not looking at them on purpose or just by happenstance?

It could be a little. Both could be. We all have an essence of denial.

Yes, we do.

Right. We did this on the live coaching earlier today where we, we asked the attendants or, you know, kind of raised their, Their digital hands, if you will, any raise your hand if you've ever done something that you knew you shouldn't do. And of course, like, everybody on the call was like, yeah, me, yeah, right. All right. Raise your hand if you, if you, if you didn't do something you knew you should do. Right. And the hands, the same hands went up. All right, that's that. That's that pride and fear, denial.

Right.

It's the combination of either fears holding you back or pride's holding you back, and it's leading you towards denial. Right.

And that outside looking in approach from your coach, from your mentor, they don't have that same fear or pride because they're not feeling those same emotions. They don't.

They're, you know, in a good way, they should be confidently nudging you. Yeah. And what they'll typically say, have you considered it this way? Have you seen it this way? Have you seen it that way? What do you think about this way?

And I like what you're Doing there. Because folks, you notice that he's asking questions, he's not giving statements. Give them your quote real quick about statements. Questions.

I learned this. I learned this by. I was. I was actually with my wife and I noticed that every time I asked her a question, she would talk to me. But every time I made a statement, she would kind of pipe down.

Was this on the second date?

It was probably like more the second week. And what I learned and I learned this very, very interestingly. And you can do this in rapport building as well. That questions open hearts. Statements close them.

Yes, they do.

Right. A great mentor and coach is going to ask you questions to get you responding to different answers. We've already covered this before. Which is your. If you ask your brain a different question, it will give you a different answer.

That's right.

I ask my brain, why do I suck? It's gonna give me 50 reasons why I suck. If I ask my brain, hey, give me why? What talents do I have? It's gonna. It's gonna give me six or seven talents that I have. Yeah. Just by changing the question, the mentor will help you change your question.

And I want to connect these two together between the daily habits and the questions that a mentor asks. You gotta understand, folks, that daily habits doesn't mean that this mentor or coach is going to tell you what to do. They're not going to say step here, now step there.

Yep.

They're going to give you enough information and ask you the questions that. Where you have to make the decision on your own.

Right.

And you have to actually move on your own.

Which.

Which is good. It gives you ownership.

Oh, it definitely gives you ownership.

You're more invested into it. And why would a good.

It also does something else for you. What's up? It proves that you can.

Oh, it's even a confidence builder.

It absolutely is a conference. But we deal with a lot of people that deal with confidence issues and when they're able to answer their own questions, take their own steps, then their confidence builds exponentially. I'm talking like off. A weak difference can make a huge difference. And which means they're less likely to be walked on. Yeah. Have better boundaries because they're learning what their true self value is.

So I would say it's probably a good idea for folks to evaluate who in their life ask them questions more or who in their life give them statements more. This is what you should do. If I was you, I would do this. Those type of statements, right?

Absolutely.

What happens if they come up with A really, really short list of good people to go to.

Again, it's about searching it out.

Right.

Our buddy Doug Stewart does a phenomenal lesson that we know that we have. We invited him over, transform you live. And it was a killer session. I love his content. And he talks about mentorship. Your mentor doesn't necessarily have to live in your household or even be in the same state because of powers of YouTube and podcasts and things of that nature.

Yeah.

I want to say calls them the stealth mentor. These are people that you watch. I think it's what Doug calls them. Stealth mentor. People that you watch and learn from and they have no idea. Watching and learning from them.

Yeah. Learning, not creeping. Learning people. Not creepy.

That's creepy.

So then. So we talked about the strategy. We start with the outcome, what we want. That gives us a framework, a frame of mind of what to go after. And then we start to develop a strategy, how to apply it with a trusted mentor. Now things are starting to become a little bit more in color. Still not HD yet. But then we start to actually line out the daily habits. Now we're starting to get into some 1080p HD.

Yep.

What's the next step after? Okay, now I see my daily habits.

Remember, your daily habits are also. You can. You can measure them, make them so they're measurable.

I like that.

Your strategy will automatically dictate some of your daily habits that you have to have.

Yeah.

At the same time, your strategy will also tell your daily habits how to measure your daily habits. I hope that's not too confusing.

You might want to say it one more time. Remember, simple.

All right. Right. So strategies. All right. Which is nothing more than a proven process to help get. You get what you want or where you want to go. Okay. Nice and easy. Your strategies will help you determine your daily routine. Things that you need to put into your daily routine to make sure you get where you want to go. It will also tell you or it also should include how you're going to measure that. Okay. What I mean by that is if my goal, obviously is to have healthier boundaries in a relationship, my strategies may include, I'm going to meet with a trusted coach or counselor so I can get some added perspective. Yeah. I may read some books that have to do with boundary setting. There's great book by. I want to say it's by Henry Cloud as well as Pete Townsend or Dr. Townsend. Pete Townsend. I think he's a guitar player called Boundaries. Phenomenal book. Okay. All of these are aspects. Right. But I Can. I can look at my. I can measure the book.

Right.

I want to try to be. I'm going to try to intentionally read this book within 30 days.

Right.

Okay. I want to meet with my. My mentor, my coach at least once a week for the next 60 days. Those are measurable. Okay. Okay. Which go into your daily routines, which leads us to your new outlook. Remember we talked about confidence a second ago?

Mm.

Okay. Outcomes, strategies, daily habits, or daily routines. Mm. Outlook. Your confidence increases every time you take a new step and you receive a small reward on the step you took. Absolutely.

And then you mentioned the nice steps. Outlook. What is. What is outlook? What does that do? I'll reveal it to everyone out in Facebook land. Out there, there's really. There's four steps you can see, and.

We'Re only covering the. These little diagrams here.

So it's a circle.

So it's a whole lot information.

It's a circle. It's not a. Oh, you reach your destination. Here's your trophy. It's a circle. It repeats.

Yeah.

Right.

We could totally have a. Totally have more. A deeper dive on this for sure. But.

And that's. I mean, I like where you ended it with outlook, because you probably have a different outlook by the time you get to there.

Yes.

Versus when you started.

Because you've already applied a strategy and daily routines that wasn't. And when you see them work. What we call. What my. What my friends call the little win, when you have the little win that you can put in your pocket and take with you. Yeah. You can now draw on the strength of that little win to prepare you for bigger ones.

That little win is so huge, a lot of times we discard it.

That's right.

And you said it earlier in the coaching session that when you do have those little wins, take the time to celebrate it.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Enjoy the moment. Okay. So if you contrast that traditional mindset we started off with outlook, which is how we currently believe what we're doing, or our outlook, our view on where we're at or what's going on, which unfortunately impacts us with daily routines and daily negative routines and drives our daily habits, drives our strategies or lack thereof, which then gives us the outcome we were always just fear. We were always scared of, which is why we stay stuck.

Right, Right. We have no idea what the outlook is going to be, but it's probably going to be about the same because the outlook that we started with is a negative one, most likely. Or it's a. That's a small one.

Yep.

And then Our daily habits. Because we haven't strategized before that. If we go straight into our daily habits. Well, if. Guess what? If you were gonna be phenomenal at basketball and you didn't do anything to practice now or go get a coach and mentor, guess you're probably not gonna be phenomenal at basketball.

That's right.

Next.

Right.

If you already had the answers in front of you, you would change something.

Yep. Let's cover that. I'm gonna cover those four pieces again. Yeah. Okay. Outlook, Daily habits, or daily routines. Yep. Strategies. And then your raw outcome.

And this is for the traditional. This is just.

These are the four components, period.

Right.

Okay. Traditional. My traditional lifestyle, transformational lifestyle, has the same exact four components because it's life.

Right, Right.

We're dealing with life here.

This is the matter of order that you put them in.

Right. However, if you just use them in a different order and apply that principle, just take those same four things, apply them in a brand new way, you will watch your life transform. Yeah. Because it starts with, where do I want to go? Let's create a plan to get there. What routines do I need to do? Like where. What do I need to take action at work? You know, some. Some would say massive action. Tony Robbins says the word massive action on a regular basis. Yeah, yeah.

And this could be taking some stuff out of your life and putting out.

Remember, this is part. Remember the first part is outcome. What do I want? Now my strategy. Strategies can include what to remove, what to add, what to amplify, what to take away.

Okay.

Okay. That's who to add to my life kind of information to add. Who removed from my life, who to add to my life. All that stuff.

Okay.

Right. Daily routine, which re. Encourages your new outlook and. Or brings more confidence to your life.

On a day in and out basis, changes your outlook. Okay.

Four small components that can radically change your life. So again, transformational life. I want to make sure everybody gets this today because it's so important.

Yeah.

Right. Everyone should be writing this down. Unless you're driving. And then write it down after you watch the second, like the rerun. Okay. Outcome. What do I want? Yeah, Strategy. How can I get there? Right. The next thing. Daily routines and habits. What actions do I need to take day in and day out to make my outcome a reality? Then celebrate the little wins and enjoy your new outlook on life because it doesn't take long to take shape.

Yes. Yes. Celebrate those wins. That is so huge. Even if it's a small thing, celebrate it because it's it's huge for your overall transformation of life. So I'm gonna go vulnerable here with the audience. I want to. Let's do a little real life exercise with me. So.

Having seen this at transform you live and understanding it and talking with you as it was building up and we were planning the event and watching you on stage deliver this, I kind of already know what I might need to do. However going to come out with a new angle. So I'm going to switch to the transformational life wheel and start with the outcome. Now come that I most desire is to level up. Okay, can we level, can we do this in multiple pillars or do we need to do this in one pillar at a time?

Well, first thing you do is you need to clearly define what level up means. Level up is very broad.

Yes, it is very broad.

Where would you like to level up in your, in your life? And also what does level up mean to you?

Right, that's a good question. Because my level up may mean something totally different.

Totally.

To our audience. My level up would mean for my relationship. My home is to be a more.

Compassionate, patient, God fearing and leading family. I'm leading my family.

Right. So obviously leadership is very important to you.

Yep. That's for my home professionally, same thing. Level up in my leadership as not only leading myself but growing other leaders around me and obviously raising the company.

Physically I kind of know how to level up. And this is kind of where it's aggravating is like I know how to level up physically with workouts and diet and things like that. Emotionally, I'd like to level up with practicing being the last person to speak and being more patient versus reactive. Right.

Spiritually, I'd like to level up in a matter of way to lead other men. Whether that's by being someone's stealth mentor, just leading by example or actively engaged in a group.

I think that's kind of where I like to start. So it's not like a huge level up.

Sure.

These are like small step level ups that I like to do.

Alright, so the next question is, what is one attribute that all others have in common?

Probably leadership.

Are you sure?

No.

Your face tells me I'm not sure. Your face tells me there's a different answer. What is it?

Consider. Consider three other alternatives. What did you come up with?

Three other alternatives.

What are three other alternatives that all of those have in communication together.

Other than leadership? Three other alternatives that have communication that come up together.

Communication that come up together.

What about communication itself?

If you learn to communicate better, you'll automatically listen more than you'll speak. You automatically strengthen your leadership style.

So it centers around my communication style. Okay. Okay. Which is a challenge for high D. Right. And high I's. Because I like to talk, and then sometimes you talk too slow or you talk too fast, and I need to get a word in. So that's the immature side of my high D that comes out. So you're right. Yeah. So if I start with the communication. All right, let's start there.

Sorry. So let's. The outcome is I want to improve all the. I want to level up in these other areas. We've already. We've already clarified what level up means. Okay. Now the thing we notice we're drilling down each time. The next thing we did is. Okay. On all these different things. I want to level up in what is one thing that could drastically improve all of them. Or raise the boat, if you will. All at one time.

Yeah. I like that. Because it's just one thing versus individual things for everything I just mentioned. That's a lot to focus on.

Exactly.

Now I'm just narrowing it down.

Okay. So. And we determined that would most likely be communication.

Yep.

Okay. So now it comes time to build a strategy.

Okay.

So our outcome is we want to level up. We define really what we want to go.

Yeah.

Now it comes time to build a strategy. Yeah. And we decided together that strategy. Our strategy needs to center around communicating better, whether that be listening and. Or speaking.

You see what he's doing, folks? I wanted to just level up. Like, I need a plus sign. I need a green mushroom from all your brothers, and I need to get bigger one up. But I don't know how to do that. My idea is to level. Yeah. Level up. But that wasn't good enough. Just like your life, if you were to give it a vague answer or a vague start, it won't be good enough. So now we're drilling in the specifics.

Exactly. So when. In determining a strategy. Okay. Yeah. What is one thing you could do today or this week that could help you communicate with your spouse better?

She would say shut up. Just kidding. She would not say shut up.

Okay. So let's. Let's use that just as a rule of thumb, because I do find that listening is probably the lost art of any marital couple.

She would say intentionally listening. You know, I like to talk about intention. She would say intentionally listening.

All right, so what is one thing you can do to put yourself in an environment to limit your distractions and increase your chances of listening closely?

Hmm. I Would first put away the cell phone.

Okay.

Can I do more than one?

Absolutely. Keep going.

Put away the cell phone and then ask her questions without trying to come up with an answer myself. Yes.

Now let me ask you this question and all the other areas that you mentioned before. Leadership, everything else, whether it be at JP or other places. Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you'd use the same strategy that you just mentioned to dealing with your spouse, would that not help you also in the same other areas?

Oh, absolutely. And there's my struggle. I'll do that with other people. Except for my wife. I'll do it with perfect strangers as a way to really invest intentionality. Show intentionality and really show them that I actually do care. Like, maybe I'm too close to my wife. Maybe I need to take a vacation.

And that's why. That's one of the reasons I mentioned the environment.

Just kidding.

By the way, strongest married couples, spousal couples, do a weekly date night. Yeah. And they intentionally put. And I'm. And I'm. Dude, I've messed this up more times and I've got it right. But at the same time, my. My wife has been very generous with me and very giving with me. Allowed me to reset, much like you. Yeah. The date night itself. And put you in a place where there's little distractions, where intentionality is being sought. You know? And you just practice the things you already teach other people. It'll be good shape and that.

Yeah, that's.

That's okay.

Appreciate that one that was coming. You said it.

Yeah.

You're right, though. Practice. Practice what you preach. And that's literally how I. I have to do it. I have to sit down and not. Not look at my wife in a different way, but realize that she's more. She's closer to me. She's the most important thing to me. And understand that if I can do it with this perfect stranger over here, why can't I do it with my wife?

Yeah.

And what I find is that I'm already thinking about solutions because I'm the man. I need to help solve things. Why can't I slow down? Why can't I slow down and actually let her come up with her own answers?

I would. Billy, I tell you from personal experience, you haven't been hit with enough four by fours.

So thanks. I hope she's not listening. She's at the store right now shopping. She might buy one.

My buddy CeeLo told me a long time. He goes high Ds learn from two ways getting hit with four by fours and watching other high Ds get hit with five by four. Get hit with 4x fours. When you see a 4x4, hit me learn.

And I need to watch some Bruce Lee. I need to watch some Bruce Lee movies.

That's right.

All right, so now communication. Definitely.

So we talked about communication strategy. Our communication needs to center around better communication.

Yeah.

We talked about the intentionality piece. Obviously needs to be part of our strategy. Okay. Now we need to consider learning. What do I need to learn? Where can I gather information from to help me under. Gain a new level of understanding that centers around communication? Yeah. I. E. Podcast, audio books, mentorship. Yeah. What is. You know, things like that that you can pull from on a regular basis. Okay. Okay. So communications, your is your center point. The intentional communication is your fulcrum, if you will. Yeah. Okay. So actually for Intentional communication is the fulcrum of better communication. Yeah, I know. Now you gotta figure out your daily habits. Okay, so what am I gonna do daily? One of my daily routine in my. So for the next six weeks, you may want to consider getting up, listening to a podcast that talks about communication.

Okay, that's good. I don't listen to one that talks about communication specifically, but.

Because you love leadership.

Yeah.

However, leadership is actually one of the places you're strongest at because you focus on it on a regular basis.

Yeah.

Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah.

It's one of my. One of my forefront. Yeah.

So one of the things that you were alluding to earlier with our coach, with our. With our online coaching that we did earlier with everybody on the. On the call was learning how to focus on where you're deficient first. Yeah. Because the area which you have a great amount of strength needs the least amount of tension. If anything, it just needs maintenance.

Sure.

At least for a season. Yeah. Okay. So this would be one of the situations where you take the time that you're applying for your leadership, and maybe it centers around a podcast or a book that centers around communication.

I say I'm comfortable with that too. Because communication, a better communicator is also a better leader.

Mm, exactly. Yeah, that's. And that's why we also drill down at the very beginning.

Right.

You know what I'm saying?

Okay. You want to get very specific early so you don't have to explain it specifically to yourself or your coach doesn't have to reveal this is why it's specific later on. Right. You're doing the hard work first. I like that.

That's right. You know, and then you. So you cultivate your daily habits, your daily routines.

Okay.

You're going to do those for at least 40 days. Allow them to stick and become part of your DNA.

Okay. So I could listen to a podcast.

And it'll take that long. It'll take. It'll take good. For a good solid 40 days.

How about. How about actually putting it into practice?

You know?

You know me, I'm a high D. I want to. Instead of study about it and then take a test, I want to, like, do both at the same time. Like, apply it and learn it. Apply and learn it.

So you're going to need a trigger because. Because of how quick your mind works. Yeah. What is your trigger? So you're going to have to have a physical trigger that triggers you to shut up and then intentionally focus in on what's being said. One of the ways that obviously you put this into practice. I've seen you do it with Nikki and look. And it works out great for both of you guys. Past the trigger was the whole what I heard you say was repeating back what you heard them say.

Yes. Which I love talking about. And when everyone and anyone hears that come out of my mouth, they're like, oh, yeah, that's great.

It makes total sense. Makes total sense.

And I'm sitting there thinking, like. And I haven't done that lately, so I'm preaching to the choir. Why is it so hard to slow down again? I come back to slow down because it. When you taught me that phrase, what I heard you say was makes the person listening slow down and the person speaking slow down. Also to take a deep dive into what actually is being said so you can get a better perspective on it. Why can't we slow down?

Well, just as you learn the trick, the technique. I only call it a trick. The technique from me. I learned it from someone else, one of my mentors. And a couple things that I learned of osmosis wise. I learned that what I heard you say was. It was one to make sure that I was intentionally listening and make sure I was getting the feedback, meaning making sure that I am paying attention. Okay. The second thing that happened was I actually found out that the person that I was saying that back to actually felt like I had listened.

Yeah. It gives them a sense of confidence that he's actually paying attention to me, which means.

Which leads them to being more open and vulnerable, which leads the whole communication style to be more open and vulnerable, which means more stuff gets handled in a smaller amount of time.

That's true. In order for me to get to that phrase, what I heard you say was that means I've actually got to stop talking and that means that I actually have to stop thinking. Not thinking to a point where you're looking at the individual with just a blank stare, but thinking to a point where you are paying attention to them. And the body language that's used to. I do pay attention to that a lot of times. I think it just comes down to with my spouse. Let's take my spouse versus my team. My team, I only get to see them X amount of hours in a day. So I view that time as it's short. Right. My spouse, I only get to see also X amount of hours in a day. But it's, it's more comfortable. I guess it's a more, I would even say complacent environment.

Yeah.

And I know the danger, the dangers of complacency. Is there something that I can do to kind of stir up that complacency and make it fresh for me, specifically the worry that I do with my team.

Again, it's gonna come down to a trigger. What is something you could do to trigger yourself to prepare your mind and this. Alright. So in this, this particular season of life, I'm having to put a lot of energy and effort into my. My flagship business right now at this very season of life. Fortunately you guys a wonderful job running JP and I haven't had to be here all as much. Well, thanks. You guys are doing a great job. You really are doing a terrific job. All of you are at the same time. Write it down at the same time. That also means because of the energy I'm having to put into the other business, I go home already brain fried completely.

Just in many ways. Yeah.

So Karen and myself went to the our little mountain hideaway this past weekend. Just kind of goes. Just really get some rest. Because I've been nonstop seven days a week, 16 hours a day for close to eight weeks now.

There's more oxygen up there.

There. There really is. And there's something about that place that's just beautiful and peaceful. But when I got there, I think Karen and I both really wanted to have a conversation. Really wanted to talk and hang out this kind of stuff at the same time. My brain was fried. I had gone like gangbusters for almost eight and a half weeks straight and my brain was in no place to hold a deliberate, intentional conversation. Okay. My wife showed me grace and sent me to bed. It was seven o'. Clock. We just had dinner she's like, listen, you want to start a movie or do something like that? We cut on a movie. Cool Runnings. Bond, make our buddy angel happy. Turn on Cool Runnings. I made it through about 10 minutes of it, and I was already, like, passing out. Okay. She sends me to bed at seven o'. Clock. Right. And then the next thing I know, I wake up, it's the next day, and I had slept for 14 hours straight.

Wow.

14 hours. Okay. Now, the next morning, my wife and I sat down, we didn't turn on TV or anything, and we just sat and communicated. Yeah.

She knew that she would get a better version of you if you were refreshed.

Exactly.

Versus trying to pull anything out of you that comes from experience and maturity. It takes some. Some definitely mature person to do that, to wait.

Yeah.

Because I know she wasn't. She wasn't. I mean, she wanted to get there and she wanted to spend time with you and, and communicate. So that took a lot of maturity for her to just say, okay, this version of Steven, go lay down, return back refreshed.

Exactly. You know, so then the next day, we did a little housework, we chatted some, we hung out, we talked about some things we'd like to do to the little getaway. And you know what I'm getting at is if you'll put the effort on your side. Your daily routines, your strategies in place, your confidence will improve in your overall communication style, which will set the tone for a safe environment. Safe, vulnerable environment, which will allow your partner to come back towards you. And it'll work both in the relational world as well as the business world. Yeah. In other words, we earn. We can earn. We can. In a weird way, we can earn grace from others. And I use that loosely because grace is often given when it's not deserved.

Yeah, that's true.

But you can earn grace from others when we're intentional about how we, how we're. How we value them. Yeah.

I'm saying absolutely.

I don't even. Kind of went down a rabbit trail using the. Using the four, but.

Well, I kind of want to just be vulnerable and show a real life example of this wheel this, this, this piece of information that seems too simple to be true. But what's funny is that that's a different outlook than I thought I was gonna have.

Yeah.

We started out with. The outcome was I want to level up in my personal life with my. My wife, and I want to level up in my business life with my team. I want to level up in, in my physical World. I want to level up in my emotional world and see. I hope you guys saw that. While I was talking about all the areas I want to level up with, the coach was actually listening and thinking, but not speaking until the end. And then he asked me a question which made me think even deeper about what level up is and made me think even deeper about, it's not just leadership that you're after. What else could it be? And I know it's driving him nuts because I couldn't come up with the answer, but he gracefully said, you're talking about communication.

I think I said, have you considered.

Have you considered we can do the.

Replay and see if I actually said that? We'll see.

So he allowed me that opportunity to go, oh, okay. Then there was a. That was an aha moment. You allowed that aha moment to settle in. So then we started talking about a strategy in a couple different those areas. And then we didn't deep dive into the daily habits, because daily habits, you can take a long time to spend.

Well, a lot of times you want to do is you want to sit down and actually. With an ink pen.

Yeah.

Both in the strategy session and the daily routines and habits section.

Yeah.

And the reason being. Because you want to answer three questions. Okay. What is the opportunity, what is the threat, and what is the learning curve?

Okay.

Okay, Now. Well, I. Kind of a little deeper than we normally go on teaching this kind. We go really deep on these. Using the. Using these fours to really apply. Yeah. But when you're looking at the strategies and you're looking at the daily habits and daily routines, you really want to think about what kind of opportunities do I have to improve, what things could hold me back, AKA threats. Right. And you. And you want to do that because you want to gain more perspective. All we did with that first question was gain more perspective. Because when you said, I want to level up.

Yeah.

I was like, all right, well, okay, that's vague. Yeah, I understand. You know, if I. If I. If to your point, if I was going to level up, for example, for myself, you know, I would choose different things to level up on, which means mentally, strategically, I'd have to go backwards a couple steps.

Exactly.

You know.

Yeah.

So we're looking for clarity. Clarity can breed strategy. Strategy breeds routine. Routine will breed a predictable outcome. Yeah.

Which my whole outlook for the whole thing now is very simple. It's not a complicated matter. Whereas if I kept that to myself, you know, thinking about it while I was on the drive home or. Or thinking about tomorrow, in the gym, I probably wouldn't have a clue of what to do, where to start, what's wrong, Even you know, which hole do I need to plug. But just in that 30 minutes that we spent talking back and forth, you asking questions. I have a different outlook now. All I need to do is change the way I communicate.

Now. I want you to. We have like just a couple minutes left, but. Yeah. Had you not used the true transformational life cycle questions, had you not, if you'd have just focused on where you're at today with the traditional life without a tried, where would you have ended up? Where do you think you'd have ended up?

Well, that the traditional. I would have started with the negative outlook of I'm not leveling up. I'm kind of plateauing some places. Why am I not doing that? Because my daily habits or when my daily habits need to change, what do they need to change to? I don't know. My strategy. What's my strategy? I need to level up. How do I level up? And then my outcome will have been, well, that was a good talk.

Yeah. Right.

Didn't get anywhere. Yeah.

The reason I'm trying was wanted you to contrast. That is because it's very simple.

Yeah.

To transition your mind. Yeah. I used to put this up, if you will, in a different format on my mirror. Okay. To make me focus on the things that were important.

Got it.

All transformational lives cycles do all that. All it does is make you focus on the stuff that's important and the outcomes you want most and how they're applied to your life. That's all it does.

I love it.

It's simple and works.

Love it. Folks, we only got a few more minutes left in the show, so we're going to. I'm gonna open up to you, Steven, and you can kind of part the show and take us out. But I want to remind everyone that we are on Facebook live. You can contact us, you can write in your own questions right here. We're watching them. Or if you want to send us an email@infojourney principles.com will answer any of those questions and future show. So what else would you like to tell the crowd?

You know what? What I'd like to say is I have missed you guys. Oh, my gosh, have I missed you guys.

We've missed you.

Been working my hiney off, doing great things, working with a great team.

You have lost weight.

Yeah, I have. Stress will do that to you.

That search kind of big on you.

I will say this much. Everything that I have shared here over the last two years at Journey Principles, I still to this day apply. Had I not had it to draw from during a very difficult season that kind of hit me out of nowhere. I would not, I would not have. I won't say I wouldn't have made it per se, but I would have. I would have been in a different place, mindset wise, even today. Yeah. A special shout out to my wife who's done a phenomenal job of taking great care of me as I've been working crazy hours trying to get infrastructure in place to make sure that all the teams are blessed. But in the meantime, I have missed you guys. I Love you guys. J.P. oh my gosh. Transformation, transform you live was incredible.

It was. And it's leading to a big, big, big surprise coming in August. Big surprise.

It's gonna be cool. I, I'm, I'm so stoked and excited. You know what to do.

But that's the biggest thing we've ever done, so.

It is, it is, but it's gonna be incredible. We're all about changing lives, making the impact happen. Anybody out there that knows someone needs some help, send them our way. We love them, we'll care for them and we'll help them out.

Yep. Folks, thanks for joining us this episode of JP Radio. We'll see you guys next week. Have a great weekend and happy fourth of July.

Peace.

Remember, if you missed part of today's show, there are two ways to hear what you missed. You can check us out@iheart.com or find us on our Facebook page, Steven Scoggins at the Journey Principles. And if you haven't already done so, make sure you go to JourneyPrinciples.com and click Take the next step to get your free breakthrough course on us. That's. That's it for now. We hope you enjoyed today's show. Remember to join us each Tuesday at 5pm Eastern Time to hear more from real people. With real lives sharing real principles and real solutions, you're well on your way to transforming your life and discovering your potential.