Overcome Your Inner Storms Today with Andelina Grossi

I was nine. I was in therapy. I got diagnosed with anxiety and ocd. I don't want to breathe. I like want God to take away my breath. But my family means too much for me to, for me to take my own life.

I almost prayed in like fear. Like I turned to God in this time, but it was in fear because I felt like if I didn't pray or if I didn't turn to God, something bad would happen.

You were literally fearless on stage. No one, no one sensed fear of any kind. Here you are sitting at this table. I don't sense any fear of any kind.

People that like, boy bullied me in school or people that like, weren't necessarily nice to me would call me up and be like, hey, I'm really struggling. Like, I need your help. Like, I'm 20 now. Like, I've had it for 11 years, but now it's like the thoughts consuming me and the enemy, like really trying to knock me down. It's like, but look at what God's doing right now. God doesn't want us to have these crosses, but it's the consequence of the broken world we live in.

The cost of the calling itself, historically is the journey from darkness to light.

Okay, guys, welcome back. Look, I'm super excited. You know, I travel a lot, I speak a lot. I try to do my best to make a difference everywhere I go. And then occasionally you just get very fortunate. I'm very fortunate to sit at a table with somebody that you think the world needs to know about. Somebody's doing amazing things, someone who honestly is creating something from scratch. And today is one of those special days. I'm going to introduce you to our next guest in just a second. Here's what you need to know about her. She's 20 years old, just coming out with her first book, and more importantly, has a heart of gold. I watched her speak briefly at one of the last events I was at and she has the poise of a 30 year old speaker who has been doing this for a long, long time. She has a countenance and a radiance that I can't explain, which is one of the reasons I had, I was literally sitting at the table. I was like, guys, I don't know why, I mean, I know the book thing, that's cool. And you run across a lot of people that are doing books, right? So I'm like, I just, I'm telling you, I see like this aura around you, like you've been highlighted, right kind of thing. So for that I Want to introduce you to Andelina Storm Grassi. Andelina, how are you doing?

I'm great. Thank you so much for having me. I feel so blessed to be here.

Well, you are the blessing. I had a chance to catch up with you and your dad at gsd, ironically, our mutual friend Ken Joslin, who invited you to be part of his event. So not only have you had your first speaking event in the last few months, now you've had your first public podcast as of today, right?

Yes.

So how you feeling?

Feel great. I feel, like, so excited. Like, I feel, like, all bubbly. I don't know how to explain it. I just feel insanely blessed. Like, God is so good. He's so kind. Like, I can't believe that at 20, I've been given so many, like, wonderful opportunities.

You know, what's really crazy is, you know, when you're looking at a lot of the. The opportunities you say.

A lot of the journey that you're now stepping into was created, ironically by a lot of adversity. And so I want to. Maybe, if it's okay with you, I want to start with a little bit about Angelina, because obviously this is your first podcast. World hasn't necessarily know who you are just yet, but it will after the show, you know, but at the same time, tell us a little about you. We'll get into the book and stuff like that, which is super important. But more importantly, like, what. What about you is now leading you on this journey? Give us a little rundown.

Right? So when I was nine, I'm really close to my mom's side of the family. Like, we grew up with the cousins more as siblings and the grandparents more as, like, second parents. And I watched my grandpa, like, die in hospice. He had a few different cancers, beat them, and he ended up with an unknown skin disease. And something about being nine and kind of watching the light fade from someone's eyes, like, it. It messed me up a little bit in a way. And I honestly think of it as a blessing now, but at the time I was nine, I was in therapy. I got diagnosed with anxiety and ocd. I would walk up and down the stairs, like, nine times, have to tell everyone I loved them. Would have to, like, pray. And I almost prayed in, like, fear. Like, I turned to God in this time, but it was in fear because I felt like if I didn't pray or if I didn't turn to God, something bad would happen. I had these obsessions and compulsions and my anxiety. Like, I wore it like a Weighted vest. Like, I feel like in the morning I get dressed and ready for the day. And then I had to put on that weighted vest and just carry it with me. Like, my shoulders were just always, like, heavy with everything going on and stuff.

And you know what's really interesting? I've never heard somebody ever articulate that. I think I was actually praying in fear.

Yeah, I actually think that's really profound because I'm now now, because, you know, I'm me. So I, like, I go down rabbit holes while I'm doing other things. And I wonder how many of us actually do that. We're so. We're. You know. Because a lot of times when we're praying for things, a lot of times we're praying to God and we're asking for different things. I wonder the reason why he's maybe withholding a yes, no, or maybe or wait is simply because he's waiting for the question to shift or the. Or the heart position to shift.

Right. And 100%, that's definitely something I had to figure out, like, later in life. Like, I would pray every night before bed, and it was. It was like, God, please don't let anyone die while I'm sleeping. Like, God, please don't do this. Please don't do that. And then when I got older and I started understanding God and my faith better and understanding that he loves me and he doesn't want bad things to happen and he's not trying to make me sad. Like, I don't have to, like, pray to him to receive good things. Like, but coming to him in gratitude for things he hadn't even given me yet. Like, coming to him and just being like, thank you for making this better one day. Like, maybe it's not right now, but one day I will be able to manage this and thank you for that. Instead of being like, please take this away. Like, please don't do this. Like, gratitude, you really don't have room for anxiety in your heart as much when you are grateful because it's harder to go through all these seasons and be like, oh, my gosh, but there's so many bad things happening, and it's like, how many good things are happening as well.

Yeah.

And that's definitely something. Like, right now, like, I still get, like, feel like I get hit from every angle. I put that weighted vest on every day, and it's like, I'm 20 now. Like, I've had it for 11 years, but now it's like, when I feel like the thoughts consuming me and the Enemy, like, really trying to knock me down. It's like, but look at what God's doing right now. Like, well, look what God's doing about it.

You were just on a stage not even a month ago, right? First time ever. First time ever in front of an audience of a few hundred people, give or take, right? Sharing without fear. You were literally fearless on stage. No one. No one sensed fear of any kind. Here you are sitting at this table. I don't sense any fear of any kind, you know, And I. And when I say that, I feel like what you're doing is you're actually stepping into your calling. Right? But as a good friend of mine told me a long time ago, her name was Dee. She's.

Just a special woman in my. In my. In my life. She was like a mentor, coach, mother figure kind of thing, right? She told me one time very Something that I thought was really profound. She says, there's a cost to every calling. Now. She was aiming it directly at me because I was walking through something very difficult at the time. And it got me thinking. It's like the cost of the calling itself, historically, is the journey from darkness to light.

That's good.

Now, as you've been someone who's obviously been strong in your faith, but still gone through elements of walking in. In what some would call darkness. Right? I would call it darkness. When you shared a lot of your story with me, we were at that. That mastermind. I was. I get it. I've been there, Right? Talk to me a little about how that. I guess how that process has, you know, what you've learned from that process thus far, because I know that obviously will lead into the story of why you decided to write this book, why the time is now. And just a lot of really cool things happening, even in the environment here in the. In the studio today, you're seeing a lot of amazing people and getting to socialize and getting to know people. So, like, give me a little backstory as far as, like, how the kind of younger version of you is gone from more fear to more faith and kind of the transition.

Right? So actually, funny thing, as much as fear was controlling my life, I always felt like everyone has a cross they have to carry, so there's something in your life, like, God's not intending to take it away. Like, in Second Corinthians, we hear about how Paul has, like, the thorn in his side, and he's like, God, take this away. And God's like, no, it keeps you humble. Like, it keeps you, like, no, it keeps you humble. And, like, obviously God doesn't want us to have these crosses, but it's the consequence of the broken world we live in. So I've always known my anxiety wasn't something God intended to take away. And as I grew up, I saw so much fruit from it, like, so many people, because I've always been pretty vulnerable with it. Like, it's not something I could really hide. Like, I was having panic attacks in the school highway, like, hallway. Like, everyone knew, but everyone started coming to me. Like, people that, like, bullied me in school or people that, like, weren't necessarily nice to me would call me up or turn to me and text me and be like, hey, I'm really struggling. Like, I need your help. Like, can you give me some, like, words of wisdom, some adv? I get to, like, share some verses with them, tell them to, like, rely on God. So I knew from pretty young age that I really was called to help people with mental health. Like, mental health has, like, always fascinated me. And I've known that God gave me mental health for a reason, because God gives us suffering for a reason. God gave Jesus suffering for a reason. And if God's going to let his only son come down here and suffer and die for us and have all this pain inflicted on him that he doesn't deserve at all, like, he didn't need to do, like, he's perfect, then why isn't he going to do something good with the pain he's causing me? Like, why is. Or, like, he's not causing me, but, like, the consequences of the broken world caused me. So, like, why wouldn't he do something good with my pain if he's going to do something good with Jesus pain kind of thing.

I keep trying to tell people, you're. You're one of a kind young lady. Super excited for you. You know it. I know one of the things we talked about, we were. We were at the mastermind, sitting across from each other.

Which, you know, I think was a precursor to you actually writing your first book, which still you're a published Author and you're 20 years old.

Yeah.

Let that sink in. And I'm not talking about, like a. I mean, like, the book's like this thin. Like it's a book. Right. And it was really cool to watch so many people actually, like, get their own copies while we're at the mastermind. And I do encourage everybody to grab a copy for sure. Especially for someone who maybe is that you love, who might be struggling with mental health and Things of that nature. But.

We talked about a very difficult part of that process, which was losing a friend.

Right.

So let's talk about the. I guess maybe the beginnings of kind of where the. The genesis of the book came from and things of that nature.

Okay. So, again, always knew that God wanted me to do something with my mental health. But, man, was I humbled. When I got to college, I was a big homebody. Never spent the night anywhere. Cause my grandpa died when I was at a sleepover. So I was always home with my parents. Chickened out of going out of state for college, Stayed home, went to msu. And I got hit with depression for the first time in my entire life. Like, I knew how to deal with anxiety. Like, I knew I was going to be anxious all the time, but I knew how to live with it. Depression was something else. It was knocking me down, like, hard. My freshman, sophomore year of college, and fall. My sophomore year of college, I would just lay on the floor and feel like I was, like, drowning. Like, I was treading water and my muscles were tired and my mind was foggy and I was going to drown. And I would tell my roommate and be like, I can't do this anymore. Like, I don't want to breathe. I, like, want God to take away my breath. Like, I want to just be in heaven with him. Like, I don't want to do this. But my family means too much for me to. For me to take my own life. Like, I can't do it. I'm scared of who I would hurt if I did. But I can't be here. I don't want to be here. Like, everything just felt intolerable. I love going on walks and, like, hanging out with people. And I hated being alone. And I couldn't escape my own room. Like, I couldn't do anything. I feel like it completely just engulfed me. And I was supposed to take a job at this coffee shop, and my parents were like, no, I need you to focus on your mental health. I need you to just not take the job. So I was like, okay, cool. I called that morning, and I was like, hey, like, I can't take the job. I have to put myself first. Like, I'm really struggling mentally. I went home that day because I was going to go to a Tigers game with my family, and I got a phone call from my friend, and she's like, vincent committed suicide last night. And, man, like, the shock of that, like, it didn't hit me at first. Like, I went to high school with him. He was One of our really good friends he was still really close to. My best friend was my roommate. We were supposed to see him in a week, like, hang out that Michigan. Michigan State game. Because he went to Michigan. And I remember just, like, the shock. And it's like, he was voted Most likely to succeed in high school. He was the type of guy that he was either picking on you so someone else would laugh or you were the one laughing. Like, he was the funniest kid I had ever met.

And.

And I knew in that moment, it's like, oh, my gosh. Like, if God is giving me the idea in my head that I can't take my own life, and there's people out here that are. It is my job to make sure no one else does. It is my job to be someone that at least tries to make someone else know that God's not done with them, that we don't need to put a period where God's putting a comma. Like, we. There's more. Like, there's so much more than the darkness and everything that's just, like, drowning us and suffocating us. And I knew that.

Sitting down and writing a book, like, writing was something that, like, always came easy to me. I was like, one of those weird kids that had a diary growing up that was like, dear Diary. And then as I got older, it turned into Dear God, which was really cool. So I always wrote, and I was really into, like, kind of poetry, like, just, like, spilling my, like, scary emotions onto a page. Like, I was very good at being vulnerable with my writing. So I was like, you know what? Like, I need to do something. My dad actually was the one that inspired me.

It's a rock star, by the way.

He's the best ever. I don't know what I'd do without him. But he actually, like, called me not even that long after my friend Vincent passed and was like, you need to write the book now, because it was always an idea. He's like, you need to write it now. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. Like. Like, this is kind of fresh. Like, this is a fresh wound. And he's like, no, Lena, I'm telling you, sit down and do it. And I was like. I was just in such a dark place. I didn't right away because he died in October. So it's almost like one year now. And I actually heard of a bunch of my friends, siblings, friends that were committing suicide. And somehow word always got back to me. It's like, people I'd never met Like, I hadn't even met their siblings, let alone their friends. And they're coming to me, and they're like, yeah, like, so? And so just, like, also took their life, just lost their battle. And I was like, fine, God, like, whatever you say. And it was February, and it was. I had a chemistry exam the next day, and I just sat in my bed instead of studying. I was like, all right, God, do it, like, whatever you want. Let your words be my words and your thoughts be my thoughts, and just tell me what to write. And I put on the song Call youl Mom by Noah Khan, which is about, like, one of his friends that was gonna commit suicide. And he's like, I'll call your mom to make sure you're okay. And it was on repeat in my airpods. And I just sat down and I just started writing.

Yeah. Wow.

Well, I'm going to ask a little bit of a vulnerable question, so if it. And my heart is that it's not triggering at all, but it's more of a respect. More out of respect. So, first of all, I want to give time and space for Vincent.

Okay. So just letting that. Let his name ring out there. He existed. He still exists. In a different. Different plane, but he still exists. Right. Want to recognize what he walked through and even the choices he. He made.

I think my question kind of spins off from there because I. I just feel like, again, I'm big into presence, like, you know, and.

I think that I would like to understand what you think he probably would have loved to heard or done that may have shifted the gear at his moment. It's the greatest need.

Yeah. So we all, like, obviously got together for his memorial. Like, U of M. Like, had, like, a little visual for him outside. And I remember just looking around, everyone being like, did you guys know? Like, did you. Whatever. And everyone was still in contact with him that was there. Like, everyone still talked to him every day. But, like, when was the last time anyone there had, like, really checked in on him? And I think especially with our funny friends, we kind of forget to check up on them and ask them how they're doing. Like, there was, like, a thing going around, like, a while ago, and it's like, check on your funny friends. Because it was a lot of people that would, like, mask what they were going through by making people laugh.

In many respects, I think it's been. They don't know for sure now, but because of some autopsy stuff, but.

Right.

But one of the funniest people on the planet and struggle with mental Health routinely.

Yeah, that's. That's a big thing is I think, honestly, if someone just looked at him and told him, like, I'm proud of you and I see you. Because he was someone. He was. He was grinder in high school. He was in every club. Like, we didn't have valedictorian at my school because it was too small, but he would have been at. He, like, got to speak at one of our senior things. He went to U of M. So he was so. He was a genius. He was so smart, and he was just so caring and kind, and he just always looked like he had it together. And I think if one person would have looked at him and be like, I'm proud of you, or, oh, I see you. Like, you're probably dealing with a lot right now, like, or just like, how are you? I think that would have made the difference. And I don't want to, like, I don't know, like, say, like, that would have made, like, all the difference. But I think just checking in on people makes way more of a difference than we think, because I was living in a house with five other girls, and only one of those girls realized I was struggling, and it was because she was my best friend. So it's like, you could be living with someone right now. Like, it could be your parents, it could be your best friends, and you just really don't know what anyone is going through.

Yeah. You know what's really crazy is it would be really cool. And I'm actually considering doing this as I'm sitting here. Like, I. It's like, coming now is putting a notification in my phone once a day to just reach out to someone that's good, that I know love and trust and just actually do an authentic check in. Yeah, an authentic check in. Because, you know, expect you'll. You'll find this as you continue up this. This journey of putting yourself out there and. And trying to, you know, speaking and leading and writing, and, you know, you'll find yourself creating content, and just the way it goes, you. You will create effective content because you're so sincere, which I'm excited about, because I feel like a lot of folks who enter this. This. This profession really struggle to find their voice because of, you know, maybe they're emulating people they know like, and trust themselves. But I guess what's interesting about that is it seems to me that we almost just need to slow things down right when we got into the Internet age, which I know is a little bit before your time.

You know, things Rapidly sped up. That's when I think the human disconnection really started to really take root. And things like the Internet and things and technology are both propelling us forward and also creating new problems that we never thought we'd have to solve.

There was a study done not long ago and actually Facebook actually got into a little bit of trouble at the time. I think it's all been reconciled now, but about the content that young women your age were actually seeing consistently.

Right.

And it lowered the perception of value, self value on a consistent basis. And I would tell you as a man who. Who had a suicide attempt. I did. I did.

Fortunately, didn't work out for me.

God bless.

Yeah. Thank you. I finally, you know, it's really. I was really excited to connect you with Brandy. A promise to live. She got a. She has an amazing event coming up this year. I hope to seeing your dad out there for sure.

Yeah.

I wouldn't say that that's not a relationship that I wouldn't see you guys working together sometime in the future for sure. But one of the reasons I did that is because she actually did that when she came here. She gave us all pocket hugs. Right. And that's another form of check in. You know, I think the check in process is really good because I've always said that people want really four things that needs really they're not even wants or more needs seen, value heard, appreciated and so few of us. I was telling a good friend of mine last night.

Kind of like after hours, we were talking, we had this mutual friend, Randy, and I think a lot of us, actually, you guys haven't met Randy, but I'm sure you guys will. It's funny how Randy's name keeps popping up everywhere. Honestly, he's an amazing human. But I remembered I was telling my friend last night. I was like, the one thing that I remember Randy doing is he literally saw me. Like, he saw me. And whether it was God telling him to like, how to. How to see me or whatever it was, maybe it was the way in which he was listening. Maybe it was the eye contact that he was giving, you know, But I remember him saying this one case that he goes, dude, dude, you've paid your dues. I want to help you right now. This is related to professional career stuff and stuff like that. But I mean, if I go back in my history and I've been. I'm 49 years old, I've been alive a little while, hopefully we'll be alive a lot longer.

I can probably count on a Hand, how many times I think somebody actually saw me. Not saw the mass, not saw the facade, not saw achievements, not sold, not saw success, not saw failure, like legitimately saw me. Right. So I guess I want to. On that same concept, I'd like to kind of get your opinion on, especially as someone who is open, very open with your own, you know, mental health and how you're navigating that journey and how it's, you know, now you're stepping into a whole new career and all kinds of exciting stuff as a result of walking through that journey. What are some. What are ways that people check in on you that have been effective, that maybe we can model and begin to use the check in on our people?

Oh, that's good. Um, I think there are, again, I could probably count on one hand too, how many people are like, actually good at checking in on me and, like, seeing me. I think we're in a very lonely time. I think right now everyone's very individual, very independent.

How is that possible? We have. Everyone's connected on social media.

All right, that's the problem. But that's the thing, is everyone will see your social media and be like, she's doing great. I don't need to check in on her, like, whatever. Or everyone is very, I don't want to say selfish. I'll say self centered. Like, everyone's main priority right now just is themselves. So it is really hard to get checked in on, I think. And I think part of the reason that makes my testimony so powerful is the fact that I wasn't really checked in on that much because it really was just like me and God a lot. But my family is great and my best friend Sydney, she is probably like the closest thing to heaven I'll get on earth. She's great. And they all know, because I am vulnerable, how to check in on me. And it definitely is just kind of like, all right, like, how are you? Like, what are you doing? And then when I try to blow them off, it's like, no, seriously, like, how are you? Or just validating that they know what I'm going through. Like, they'll be like, okay, like, I know you're carrying this well, but, like, I see that you've been very anxious lately. And if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but just know that I know.

Yeah, we would call that holding space. You know, what's really interesting is I was just thinking this so because I'm. One of the things that I try to do in historical the way my brain works is my brain will take common denominators of different circumstances, situations, and then rearrange them in theory, in a way in which you go from, like, force to flow or go from, like, disconnection to connection. Like, connect the dots. Right? Because it's no different. You can have an extension cord. It's however long, but if it's not plugged into the wall, there's no current flowing through it. Right. And based on what you just said, I'm curious just your. Your opinion on how much of getting checked in on in a meaningful way is also letting your guard down with people in a meaningful way.

100%. The only people that can check in with me thoroughly are the people that know me thoroughly. And that is kind of the ball's kind of my court to kind of make that a thing. Thankfully, I am, like, pretty good at being vulnerable, which I think I used to look at as kind of, like a weakness, but Jesus wept, so why can't I kind of thing, like, I'll be a crybaby. It's fine.

I cry too.

Yeah, I'll be a crybaby.

But if I feel it, I feel I'm gonna feel all the feels.

I'm gonna start crying. I'm gonna start crying. Like, no holding back. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. Everyone knows exactly what I'm thinking, when I'm thinking it. But that's been helpful because now, like, some of the great friends I have and my family can look at me and be like, ooh, like, you good. Like, do you need to talk about something? But then my friends that do put up more of a front, like Vincent, it's way harder for us to even realize they're going through something. Because if you were so, like, masked up, which society tells us to be, especially boys. Oh, my goodness. Like, you're not allowed to have emotions if you are a boy.

We gotta slay dragons and never cry.

Right? And 80% of all suicides are men. And I think that does come with the fact that men feel like they have to carry themselves more strong and masculine, which we're definitely more isolated, Right?

Men, historically. Until they're taught better, do better. Right? So a huge chunk of my life, I didn't tell other men what I was going through until I learned it was okay to do so. Which took 25 years, I think, for me to understand that. And then.

I think this is a. I'm. I'll say this to tie it back to a fear. Right?

Okay.

Because I feel like One of the things I'm hoping to do with this specific show is I'm hoping to break down the barrier to open up the door for high quality communication with people you can trust. Right.

When I was with going through all of my seasons, I was very isolated, didn't want to tell anybody much of anything. It wasn't until I reached out that divine intervention happened. The woman that her name was Mama Wama, AKA Susan Batts, she talked me off a literal bridge after failing to join the military when I spent months training to try to be a seal. And it's funny, I remember her yelling at me. I'm not yelling at me at first, but first she was like convince me trying to tell her where I was and I wouldn't tell her where I was was. And she made me promise that I would call her at 9am the next morning. She was one of two people on the planet that I would actually keep a promise to. What I thought was interesting is when I called in theory to say goodbye, which was my intent of the call. It was the last phone call I'd planned to make. The other five phone calls were busy signals and disconnections and all this kind of stuff. Her old cigarette raspberry voice answered and she instinctively knew that something going on. Something was going on and it was instinctual, right? However, I wouldn't have told my father, I wouldn't have told my mother. I mean, both of them in my life were a little more disconnected in general. I wouldn't have told my best friend. I wouldn't have told my best friend.

Right? But for some reason I had the nudge to call Susan, AKA Mama Wama, right? So I'm sitting here trying to digest myself. What made me not want to tell one person that I did know, like and trust, and also end up talking to someone I know, liked and trust, right? So how do I break, how do I break the barrier, male or female, from your opinion on opening that door? Because I think there seems to be a stigma or a fear of judgment, right. If I let somebody know that I'm going through something hard, I'm somehow less than. Right? So I'm curious to hear your thoughts on that.

That is definitely a lie. I think I tell myself a lot. And it's definitely a lie that a lot of people know. And the devil is very good at. In your lowest moments telling you that like, oh no, like you can't let anyone know. It's like weaker because the devil knows that. Like God says, like two are better than one. Like, we thrive together in pairs. And the devil knows that. Then he knows that we need, like, accountability. We need each other. So that's definitely a very common lie. And I have to tell myself, like, all the time that God would want me to tell someone else. And it's more selfish for me to hide my feelings than to turn to someone I'm trusting because I'm going to hurt them so much more if they get to look back and be like, I didn't even know anything was wrong with her. Like, I didn't even know she was struggling. And people close to you will feel awful when they find that out. Like, I know, like, a lot of people I haven't turned to that I'm close with about my book. They're going to read some of the things in that book and be like, oh, my gosh, I had no idea. It's going to be like, yeah, because at the time, I didn't want you to. Like, I didn't want you to know. So I think, honestly, just one of the things I write about is going through your top five lies you tell yourself and finding a Bible verse that contradicts them. So, I mean, for me, I'm like a younger girl. Like, obviously, I care a little bit about how I look. And one of them was like, when the devil.

Just keep it real.

Oh, my gosh.

But if I'm like, oh, my gosh, like, I look so ugly. Like, I'm gonna go to Song of Psalms and be like, you are all together beautiful, my darling. Because the inside matters. My outside really doesn't. Like, I'm gonna perish here, but I need to go there. So that's, like, what matters. And another thing is that, like. Like, oh, like, I'm better alone. Like, no one's here with me, whatever. And at the end of the day, if you only have God, you have all you need. And Isaiah, he's like, when you walk the rough waters, like, I'll be with you. So I really think that the Bible as a whole, like, you never. He would send the disciples out, like, two by two, three by three. Like, he would send them out together. Like, God's telling you, like, rely on the people there and find good people and, like, good community. So you can have that. But I would. I'd go through and have everyone just, like, give their top five lies they tell themselves and find a Bible verse that, like, contradicts it. Because whatever worry or fear or thing weighing you down that you're telling yourself is a lie directly from the Enemy. And there's a verse that contradicts it and that's what he doesn't want you to know.

Yeah, you know, I heard an interesting truth just before we. We had a chance to pop on. Obviously, we. As I mentioned before, you have to meet Brandy today from Promise to Live. Super excited about that. And she was sharing. I'm going to have her on the show asap too as well. She was sharing that over 700,000 people took their life last year. And I want to say, and I'll have her clarify the stat when she's on, but.

That of those 700,000 people, over 100 are affected by that one choice.

So it's a hundred x return.

On one choice and a harm, in many cases a harmful way.

Right, yeah.

What that.

I think that is something that is just like so, like nauseating to think about because I know I can tell you over a hundred people that were affected by Vincent, like, I could tell you people that were way closer to him than I was, that are very deeply affected by this. And I can tell you people that knew him less than I did that are like, whoa, like, why do you do that? And I can tell you my friend groups statistics of mental health increased crazy after he did that, because now they're thinking, is that a choice I should make? Really not going to get better? And that was something that was really scary for, like, me to look around because then I felt like I was constantly running around and being like, no, like, no, don't. Like, God has planned for you. God has planned for you. Like, everyone got. Fell into super deep depression after that. Like my roommate, like Sydney, like, I've mentioned her, like, we were across the hall from each other and we were both just like laying in bed at night. Like, couldn't even talk to each other. Like, it was. It's lonely, like, going through something like that. No one prepares you for that. Like, I've experienced a lot of death. Unfortunately, most of it's been like cancer. So I've watched a lot of people die, been to a lot of funerals. And something about suicide. Just like, it doesn't sit right because I would lay in bed at night and be like, God, why? Like, why did this happen? Like, this isn't something you would have wanted or it's not you bringing him home sooner. Because this was a free will decision. Like, why would, like, why would this happen? Like, why would this be a thing? Like, there's no comfort in someone dying from suicide. There's not. Because it was a free Will choice that they made. You can't be like, oh, well, God wanted them to come home sooner. Like, maybe God knew something we didn't like. And obviously God has a plan for that. Like, everything's predestined. So God knew that was going to happen. He already has his plan set. And stone from that really hard is a.

Operates like a bit of a. It's funny. I'll bring a Marvel reference into it. Okay, so in the Marvel reference, there's the. They have something called the multiverse, and the multiverse has different trees. Right. So you're living a life, and then the choice determines a branch.

Right?

Right.

I'm not. I don't think I'm one of the people that thinks that if someone makes that choice, that they're somehow separate from God forever.

Yeah.

I don't live in that camp at all.

Mainly because I've had friends and family that I had.

For lack of a better word, feel like they've. They've had little quick connections that almost like, say, I'm okay.

Right.

Right. At the same time.

I would say that this life that we have. Right. We're sitting on a wonderful home overlooking the lake here in Lake Norman, here in Safe Haven. And.

You know, there was a lot of struggle to even to get to here. I had to go through my own darkness and stuff like that, which I've briefly shared with you a little bit. And it seems to me that.

If everyone would understand that whatever you're going through is actually an opportunity to grow through it, which then takes you to the next level. So, for example. I'll give you an example. So, again, brand new author, very young author. Right?

Right.

Watched you on stage. Everybody's watching. Like, this is no way. This is her first podcast. I've done lots of first podcasts with people, and it's typically.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? It's clear to me that you've experienced the journey you've experienced so far, so you can be a bright light and a voice to the voiceless. Right. Or hopefully inspire those that need a voice to use their voice.

So you talked about, obviously, like, for what I'm hearing you say a few times is like, step one is like, you got to connect.

Right?

Right. You know, but then the con around the connection piece is the scary piece. It's like, who can I trust to not shame me, not guilt me, not tell me I'm not enough, not tell me I'm. Or somehow otherwise influence that at all? Like, who can see me and hold Me accountable in a healthy way. Right. Encourage me in a healthy way. Show me compassion and empathy where I need it. Ask me to step up where I need it, like, really kind of hold me accountable. So there's a process in which that has to occur.

And also, can I say something fast?

Of course.

To anyone that is listening. I just want you to know that if there's not someone in your life right now that you feel like you can trust and you can turn to, like, you can turn to me. I'm 20. I'm always on my phone. So if you, like, find me on social media, which I'm sure, like, I'll share at the end or anything, like, I will personally give you my phone number. You can text me, you can call me, you can rely on me. Because at the end of the day, like, if you got God and you got one person that's going to give you a little bit of encouragement, like, I promise you, you're going to be okay.

Well, no excuses now.

No excuses.

No excuses. I love that. Thank you for that, by the way. That's a. That's a major gift. Because at times, these shows can have pretty substantial reaches. So if your DMs blow up.

That'S fine.

That's exactly what I want to do. Like, I don't want, like, I have no, like, greed or bad intent with anything I'm doing. Like, all I want is for no one to feel like I did those nights, and no one make the decision that I know people have.

Yeah. Yeah. Which is one of the ways we. We fast forwarded you, literally five years of media appearances and all kinds of stuff to get to a bit of a. A show that actually has some really good reach. And it's because I believe in you and I believe in what you're creating, and I believe in your heart to serve.

You know, the fact that you just literally said, hey, wait a minute, I understand they need somebody, and I understand they may not have the right person. Y' all date, hit me, hit me up, you know, kind of thing. I think that that's a testimony to you and your heart. Right? So there's so many. There's so much I want to talk to you about. And I know we only have limited time, but one of the things I want to maybe jump into real fast is. All right, so we talked about why, essentially why you wrote the book. I think one of the things you share with me is you wrote it really fast.

Yes, I did.

Like, I think it was, like, a few weeks. I think you wrote an entire book, if I'm not mistaken.

Yes. Yeah.

It was February to April, so we would consider that. Do you think you would think that I would consider that? Divine flow. How about you?

Oh, my goodness. That was all God. That was all God. Like, he would stir up these, like, experiences in my life that I think I had, like, buried deep down. Like, not wanting to think about and be like, hey, write about this. And then tie it to me. So it was. It was all God. Like, I was, like, reliving things I didn't plan on ever reliving. Like, like relying on him and remembering Bible verses that I don't even remember ingesting when I read them. Like, I. Like, I made it a goal to read the Bible, like, cover to cover before I wrote. Um, and I was like, pulling out Bible verses and I was like, how did I. And it's like, I did it. Like, I did it. That was all God.

Yeah.

Like, God did it all. Like, all glory to him. I don't. I was a college kid. Like, I was taking exams. Like, I don't know how I pulled any of that off.

That's awesome. Well, you know, so I guess what I'm getting at is like, that Divine flow piece.

When you're. When you're super early stage and starting to put yourself out there and put yourself in the public eye, which is what you're doing. When you write a book and you decide to start talking about the book and then how you plan to help and serve. And serve. I would call it serving at scale. I don't call it fame. I don't call it influencing. I call it serving at scale. Like, either either you have a heart of service or you don't. Right, Right. And you're in your. And ultimately your fruit will show that. What do you hope someone who reads the book gets from the book and does with the book?

So at the end of every chapter, besides the first five. The first five, I kind of, like, describe the mental things I've gone through. Like, the mental disorders I've been diagnosed with as, like, storms. Like, storm 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Explain it a little bit. And then after that, there's practical applications at the end of each chapter after I explain something, tie it to God and the practical applications. And I hope people just have, like, something to grasp onto in order to, like, cope with their mental health. Like, I hope people just know that these practical applications are just, like, examples to, like, completely rely and surrender to God. Because that was the thing for me is I've like I'll have anxiety like probably the rest of my life. I don't think God ever intends to take it away. He's doing too much.

It'll evolve. It'll be lighter than it was before. Yeah.

I mean, we can pray for sure. But I think I'm, I'm.

I'm being prophetic. So.

Okay, perfect. Love it. But like, knowing that if they surrender that to God and they just like give it to him and rely on him with this, it is so much light.

So let me. I'm pausing there for a second because a lot of folks will say, give it to God. How do we actually give it to God?

Great question. So again, I just want to preface by saying, I've said multiple times, I don't think there's a lot of. There's certain things God doesn't intend to take away. So if he doesn't just like magically cure you of your mental.

I call it. I call it struggle.

Yeah.

I don't even like the word disorder. It makes me feel icky.

Yeah. I don't know.

Because it's a struggle.

It's a struggle. Yeah.

It might be a year, might be six.

There'll be ways. There'll be ways it will get better. It won't always be as deafening as it seems. But with that, like whatever it is, when you surrender completely and just give it to God, he's going to give you ways through it. He's never going to give you a battle that you can't.

I'm going to press you deeper here for fun.

Go ahead. For fun.

How do you surrender? Like when a wave comes, what do you actually do?

Great question. So back in March, I had a rough sophomore year of college. All glory to God, though, because he used everything to bring me right here.

That's right.

This is so great. Thank you, Jesus. But there was mornings I would make myself get up at 6am and go work out with my roommate. And I'd be standing on the treadmill and I would. It'd be the weighted vest, but then it'd be like. I also felt like I got hit by a semi truck. And all I could say was I would walk on the treadmill and I'd just be like, God, help. Like, help. That was all I had. I didn't have anything more than that. I couldn't pray specifically. I knew he knew my heart. I know that me praying is just something for me. He already knows the prayers before I say them, so I just feel like, God, help. Like that was it. And sometimes I'll be able to press deeper and be like, God, this is exactly what I need your help on. This is exactly what I'm feeling. This is exactly what I need you to walk me through. Other times, it's literally just like, lord, help. Like, just give me what I need to get through today. And then you just got to focus smaller, because right now I can be like, oh, Lord, like, help me the next month, because I'm in a better place. But in March, it was like, God, I need you. I need you to take some of this away before I go to bed tonight, because I can't carry this all day. And he would. The morning would be awful. The afternoon would be okay. And then right before I get bed again, I'd get hit by it. And then I'd get in my bed and I start writing. And honestly, that was something I recommend writing to everyone. That was so therapeutic.

I was gonna tell you what my. What my surrender process was when you were dating.

That was so therapeutic. I was, like, writing down and, like, as I'm trying to help other people, God's healing something in me. And it's like, I need to take my own advice.

Like, I need to, like, do these magical. This says every thought leader that ever graced the stage, I need to do this.

This is kind of good.

Yeah. Yeah. That's amazing. To. On that point.

I'm always interested to know how each and every person carries through surrender or giving it to God. So people that watch the show historically are. They're either already a person of faith at various levels, could be a var. A variety of denominations or whatever, and there's others that are searching. And there's also a handful that would are more here for the practical and strategical tips. So we have the gambit, which is amazing.

And one of the things that I discovered, and you actually alluded to it even just now, which is why it's even popping up. I began a practice.

October, November of last year.

Of going and sitting still and quiet for however long, getting a pen and a pad like this. Not on my phone. Like, I got. I've used my computer a few times. My phone a few times. But mainly it's. I've got journals. Field. Okay. Field. I said failed, y'. All. Y' all to North Carolina. You know, they. And what was interesting was, is I had this. This. This experience. I had a good friend of mine who taught me a meditative practice, which I. I believe is the definition of praying in the spirit. Right. So to me, meditation is Praying in the spirit. I say you pray to, say, meditate, to hear or listen to hear or. Anyway, I digress. Not telling me to go down that rabbit hole, but I grabbed my journal and I began writing the date of that day first. This is typically first thing in the morning. And I would write at the top. What I hear you say is.

And I would sit in quiet until something appeared. Sometimes it was one word and the next word would form after it. Sometimes it was pages, Sometimes I couldn't stop writing some. But every single time I did that, I saw truths in there that battled lies, that I was battling.

Right?

Right. I heard promises in there that I was battling. Right. It was based on. It wasn't based on my performance or my existence. It was based on, like.

What I was hearing, you know? So to. When you say journal or, like, essentially writing a journaling for me, you can journal and you're journaling your thoughts and everything. So it's other times just to sit there and be quiet and just say, what I hear you say is right.

And another thing is the books, Psalms and Job are honestly, like, just open your Bible. Like, Psalms and Job in Psalms, there's plenty of times where, like, David or like, the other authors who, like, we don't know about are basically, like, yelling at God and being like, why do I feel like this? Like, I, like, I'm so, like, swamped with depression. There's a verse in there that's like, darkness is my closest friend. Like, you've taken from me everything. And it's like, you're not alone. One of God's, like, people that he uses an example for all of us. Like, David, like, King David was depressed. Like, it was. God never promised us we wouldn't be suffering from being a Christian. He promised the opposite. He told us we would suffer here. We're exiles. We're not meant to be here. So as long as, like, we are, like, opening our Bible, like, reading that, knowing that everyone suffered. Jesus suffered. Jesus suffered. If Jesus is going to suffer, we're probably going to have to suffer here as well. Like, he was perfect. Like, yeah, he was. Like, he died on the cross for all of us. Like, there is suffering here because it's perfect when we get to heaven with God.

Yeah. You're so awesome.

Thanks.

You're so awesome.

Thanks.

How did you come up with the name of the book?

Ah, so my middle name is Storm.

Which is totally Marvel superhero stuff, by the way. I love, I love when your dad tells the story, how you got your middle name by the way it's kind of funny.

Yes. I love. I love it. It was like. It's always been something I thought was, like, kind of cool. Because it's, like. It's very cool.

It's not kind of cool. It's very cool.

Thank you. It's something, like, I did get, like, picked on a little bit for it as a kid, and I was like, no, one day you guys are gonna realize it's cool. I promise.

Yeah. Eventually, they're gonna call me Steven Wolverine Scoggins.

I love that. I'll start calling you that. Like, I'll be the first one.

I'll take it. I'll take it.

I'll be the first one. But. So a few years ago, I was thinking about writing the book. I was terrified of being judged and failing because I was in high school. So scared, controlled by my fear, and was chickened out. But at the time I came up with it, I was, like, a junior in high school. I came up the idea for Sanity in the Storm. It was because I've always viewed my anxiety as, like, a rainstorm. Like, it's, like, pouring on me, and, like, God's my umbrella, and if I have my umbrella, I'm still going to get wet. Like, you're still gonna get wet if you're carrying your umbrella. Like, you're still gonna be anxious. You're still gonna have your mental struggles. But it's way more tolerable than getting completely drenched in the rain. So I always viewed it as, like, a little, like, rainstorm. And then I always loved the fact that it was my middle name. And it's a way to, like, honor my family and everything they've given me in, like, the book and honor myself a bit and honor the middle name like, God basically gave me because he told my parents to give it to me. Like, it's not a mistake.

We know for a fact he told your dad. He gave me a whole story behind it.

Right. So. And then I was like, well, what goes well with Storm? Because if I'm going to use this analogy of, like, your mind being your storm, and then it's like sanity. Because when we're in our mental struggles, we feel kind of insane. Like, we're told from, like, society and things that there's something wrong with us. There's not. Like, we're just going through something.

Yeah.

But we feel insane. I feel insane when I am, like, sometimes when I'm having, like, my anxiety is, like, off the chain. I'm like, what is wrong with me? Like, I Feel crazy. But then it's like, through God, I'm able to find sanity in my mental struggles and I'm able to find sanity in the storm that is my life at times. And there's daily storms. Like you pick up that cross every day and you walk and you carry it and then you go to bed at night. That's like something. So that was kind of it. I liked the sns like sanity and storm and I liked the play on mental health with sanity and insanity and then just. Just kind of honoring my family and myself with storms.

Well, I want to. I both want to. First of all, it's so cool. Second of all, I want to, I want to. I want to both challenge you and encourage you right now.

All right, perfect.

I love, as someone who's walked through multiple seasons of very difficult darkness, I. I mean, again, there's a cost every calling. Right? So.

Right.

And the greater the calling, the greater the cost. Fortunately, you don't have to do it all at once. It comes in stages so you have a chance to like, rebalance and get situated. But anyway, yeah, one of the things that has helped me in.

When I'm going through something tough, so I went through something fairly, like, really tough last year. Right. My honest doesn't much about it because it was personal in nature. So I don't share that stuff publicly.

As far as like relationship based stuff.

Right.

And.

I remember going through that and that same thing 10, 10, 15 years earlier would have caused me to spiral. Completely spiral. Right. But what I did differently is I leaned in my faith. Of course, I did the journaling practice I kind of mentioned to you already. I did a lot more grounding. I walk on the grass, I'll pray, I meditate, I do all the I do things I get. I've discovered that starting my day, if I could start my day in presence, by the no matter how busy or chaotic the day is, at the end of the day, I end my day in presence.

Amen.

Right? Right. So it's all about how you start each and every day. Right. So I came up with my own little rhythm. Right. But on top of that, I'm constantly reminding myself of storms that I thought were going to take me out that didn't, but actually made me stronger. So when I go through storm M after going through A, B, storm A, B, C, D, E, F, G, Like, I'm like, Steve, remember when you were brought through, folks, remember when you were brought through J? Remember you were brought through B and E? Do you remember? And do you Remember the fruit that came out of that. And the reason I want to share that with you is because as you step out into this new level, this new journey, right. Of.

Trying to serve at scale. And I believe that's what, I believe that's what you'll be doing. I believe.

It will start to build momentum slowly as you kind of finish up your college career and kind of get your all. Because I know you're studying mental health in college and stuff like that as well. And I wouldn't be surprised by the time you're in your 25, 26 years old, if you're not really thriving with this, this whole genre, right? And the reason I say that is one, I mentioned this on a previous show that God is getting rid of gurus. He's sending guides.

In many cases, what I would deem as a guru is someone who has a lot of information. Maybe they're borrowing information shar. Sharing something they didn't experience or they did live the journey, but they're using it in a selfish capacity. Okay.

I'm watching God currently raise leaders, speakers, voices, people in the marketplace right now, I could name off probably 50 people that I know.

And I've said, I began saying this like three years ago. I was like the greatest voices in the world. The world has never heard yet, right? And it's no shame or guilt or no shame whatsoever on. And people that have been doing it for decades, right. They don't. That a lot of them have done really beautiful things, helped a lot of people. But I think the reason I'm sharing it with you is because you will constantly have to. The Bible also calls it gird up, gird yourself up. Gird, gird up your loins, I guess they call it, right?

Which is like, you can strengthen yourself, but you can, I think you get stronger in presence, right. Rather than force, right? So I say that I get. I'm ramming a little bit, but I guess I'm trying to get my thought out in that as you proceed forward.

Watch your words and how you talk to yourself.

I do not. I personally do not believe in disorders. I believe in struggles. And because struggles are temporaries, disorders have. Create a label, right? And I, I refuse to be a label. Love that period. Like, I'm, I've been through a lot. I've. I've. Some of which are my own doing, some of which have not, right? But if I wear a label, I can't wear a legacy.

That's good.

You see what I'm saying? So. And to Me, the legacy of today is now being created based on what you leave inside of somebody, not behind for somebody. Right. And I can see you doing that. But in order to do that, well, you're out to. You're gonna have to continue to work with God in the aspect of making sure that as you take these steps and these different waves come, that you can also say, I don't remember when you took me through that. I remember when Vincent passed. And I remember that out of that, you have you on a stage, you have me on a podcast, you have me write a book, you have me now speaking, you have me now putting out my Instagram and my social media out to the world. That may or may not work out in your favor right away kind of thing, you know, And I say that because God is. God will build. And this is where the opportunity comes into play. You're stepping into an opportunity. Right. God will build it as long as you want to build it with him. The moment you decide you don't want to build parts of it, he'll pause. He'll just wait until you're ready to go again. Right. So used. I mean, it's a technique that I use to this day and I feel led to share it with you. So hopefully it lands and sticks.

No, it did. Thank you so much. I really do appreciate that. That, that was great.

Well, I want everybody to go check out the book for sure. Standing in the Storm. Let's go. Where can anybody find more about you and the book? And you're gonna have to spell it just in case because I had your name wrong for the longest time. I called you Angelina. I don't know why Andrew does like it's Angelina.

Yeah. So right now the website's like, not up or anything. More like, you know, we're starting from the ground up.

All right, so in that case, DM or we'll send you a link. We'll put the link in her bios as well.

Yes. So my Instagram is a N D E L I N A Andelina Storm. And then the pre sale link for the book is in my bio, Sanity in the Storm. And then my most recent Instagram post, which will be pinned. So the pinned post, until we give.

You some of this content.

Is the. It's the post that talks about the book and everything and part of the process and highlights what Ken vids for me and the platform he gave me at Mastermind.

So that's awesome.

Yes.

Well, I can't thank you enough for coming on the show. One and two, you have amazing things ahead of you, and I really want you to take hold of that. Your wisdom exudes far more than your years, and I really believe you can help a lot of folks, especially in your. In your age category and around it. Yeah, you have. You have a really bright future. I'm excited for you. I really am.

Thank you so much.

Awesome.

This means the world.

All right, guys, that's going to wrap up Bill for this episode. One of the things we're going to do real fast, as you know, is we need you to, like, share and comment. Also, one of the things that has actually been happening recently that's been really powerful is this essence of sharing it with a friend. So we ask you to share if you heard anything in this content that you need, that you think a friend, a family member, somebody needs to hear, share the episode. You never know what kind of seeds you can plant, and you can actually leave a legacy yourself inside of them by simply sharing information they need to hear. Until then, we'll see on the next episode of Build. We can't wait to see you again. Much love. Take care. Peace.

Peace.

Hey, guys. I hope you enjoyed that amazing conversation. And if you want more just like that to help you level up your life and your business, you're not going to miss this next one. Check it out.

None of that would have happened if I couldn't have made it through that single moment when I was 12 years old.

Yeah.

And that's. That's something big to think about. I mean, whatever it is, if somebody's watching that's struggling right now, it's like, listen, it gets better. There's more on the other side of whatever it is you're doing, dealing with, and you can get through it and you're loved and we need you.

That's true. Amen.

Yeah.