Overcoming Fear and Building UNSTOPPABLE Confidence with Henry Ammar

Love yourself where you are and love yourself not to stay where you are. Do the work. Because I'm telling you, there is hope. Your past doesn't have to equal your future unless you choose it to be right now. Everybody listening you literally. Literally. The beautiful gift of life is every day is another chance to get it right. Every day is another chance to pivot. Every day is another chance to pivot. This way or that way, whatever that is. Life can shift right now and never be the same in the best possible way. Because you could build a new relationship with yourself through love. And you can build a new relationship with life by recognizing that there's more for you. But all it is is that one decision on the other side of that fear that if you just did the work, your whole life would shift.

Guys, help me welcome, seriously, one of the best men on the planet and my good friend, Henry Amar. Dude, what's going on, man?

Oh, man, I'm so glad to be here with you. I don't think. You know, man, I, I, I don't know if you've said this in your intro, but I got a chance to, we got a chance to connect and I showed up at a dinner and there was one seat next to you and I knew for some reason, like, I know I'm supposed to sit there for some reason. We ended up getting into like a deep conversation. I was like, this is a dude.

It set the entire room for the rest of the speaker dinner. Yeah, we held church in the restaurant.

Dude, I just got to say, we had a group of speakers in that room. Stephen gets up and just starts sharing his heart and, and everybody, the whole room elevates, the whole spirit lifted and set the tone, man. You, you're a leader and I loved watching you do your thing, man. It was awesome, bro.

Dude, thank you so much. You know, is, it was sincerely such an honor. Wanted to help my sister Amberly Lago with her with her first ever event and supplemental success summit, which obviously you spoke at. She invited me to speak at Ken Joslin and Justin Schneck and all these different amazing people. Like we had an absolutely amazing time. What I think is interesting is people don't fully understand. I'm gonna share this and hopefully Amberlyn will get mad at me. But the night before the event, Amberly had all kinds of adversity thrown at her. Her husband was in the hospital and all this kind of stuff. So she barely makes it to the event.

A bunch of back end stuff and websites that you and I know about. Automations and how this stuff's supposed to work and whatever, it breaks down, right? Planes start getting delayed, right? And Emily's like, oh, my God. I said, it's gonna be okay. It's got to be okay. So we have this entire like, like.

It'S funny, I told Amberly, I said, amber, we always have to pivot till it becomes possible. And she ended up using that, like the next day or whatever. I was like, we just have to, we just have to keep going. I'm telling you, something good is going to come out of this. I'm just telling you, I don't know what it is. I can't explain it. I'm just telling you, when you have this much junk thrown at you, something amazing is going to explode. And sure enough, it's funny. We, we have, we go through the speaker run, run through that we do with all the speakers the night before before we head to dinner. And we like, you know, the confidence monitors over here. Here's your clicker, here's your headset. Our production team, blah, blah, blah. And we go through all that and I'm the last one to get to dinner. Everybody has to leave because I'm, I'm still walking speakers through their stuff, right? And I, so I sit down and I'm sitting there and all of a sudden this bright white light sits down to my left hand side. I mean, seriously, I don't know if you. So I would say that I'm. I have some spiritual gifting, right? So I, I can see things that maybe some other people can't see. Like, see visually. Whatever.

That's some gifts, man.

Sure. Yeah. And then, and I, and then I can feel certain things, right? So I sit down in this big, bright. Sit down right beside this big, bright white light. And then I just feel this overwhelming sense of acceptance, love and joy. And this, this guy with, I would call it white hair because I'm colorblind. So it's white slash gold slash, yellow slash, whatever color that is, right? Big old smile says, hi, I'm Henry. Hi, I'm Henry. And I was like, dude, that's awesome. And then the next day, day two, day one was that like we had a, we had production glitches after production. I was like, what is going on? Our stuff is tight. Like, what is going on? I'm frustrated with my team and stuff, you know, whatever. And of course my team's gonna add me. I didn't say that. But I'll just call it like it is, speak for my heart, right?

Yeah.

Day two we're about to start the day. And you say, no, everybody come over here. And we all huddled up and you led us through a prayer. And I want you to know, after that prayer, it felt like something lifted. Something lifted. And day two was phenomenal. Amberly has got some of the most amazing feedback on her event. And I kept telling her, I'm telling you right now, just give it a moment. Just give it a moment. Right?

Yeah.

And, yeah, you. I was joking around before we hopped on air about just calling this. Just hit send. Right. So we just, just picked up the phone and hit send to Jesus.

Hey.

Hey, dude, Something's not right. What's going on? So I want to know more about your journey. Like, how did you. Because you are a bright white light. You're. You were super successful in the music industry, super successful podcast, super successful entrepreneur, but more importantly, you're a super successful human being. Like, how did you get there? Because most people don't have the level of humility that I sense every time I get around you.

Thanks, man. I, first of all, thank you so much for your words, and it was an incredible event, and that's something I would be curious to ask you about. We don't have to do it now, but, like, sometimes when you're doing the right thing or doing what you know you need to do, things don't look the way you think they're going to look. And sometimes there's more resistance than doing the quote unquote easy thing, which ends up the lesser thing. Right.

Yeah.

And so I, that that whole event was a lesson in and of itself. And the whole idea of just hitting send, like, I love the fact that, like, you know, I'll just share my observation of a principle that I learned watching you and Amberly was there was a sense of no matter what comes our way, I can't control that, but I can control how I show up for it.

Yeah.

You know, and I love that, man. It was so cool. And to see the, the leadership that came. Because, Amber, leader. You're a leader. You had some amazing people on your team, and just people coming in, and no matter what happened, it was, like, cool. What are we doing? Solving problems, figuring things out. Figuring things out. At the end of the day, nobody cared a second about glitches, because people cared more about the transformation and the experience that they had in that room that wouldn't have happened had you given up any earlier. Yeah. And I, I, I was having this conversation the other day, and I know it's diverting a Little bit from your question, but it was like, you think about like Disney, right? Walt Disney got. Went bankrupt. People said he had no imagination. Glitch after glitch.

Walt Disney, no imagination. Anyway, sorry, Right.

It's crazy. You have the guy from Starbucks, 254 banks reject him, saying, who's going to pay five bucks for coffee? Right? You have over and over and over again, you have these, these people. You're like, you know, Mr. Beast, he has over 100 million subscribers. He put out a thousand videos before he went viral. Many people would stop after ten.

Yeah.

After a hundred.

Yeah.

Five hundred is crazy.

Yeah.

You know, but he, he set his eyes on something and it was cool to watch you watch Amberly watch people with a purpose. Yeah. I'm here for this reason and we're going to make sure this. This happens, no matter what it looks like. Even if we're, you know, doing a cartwheels and no microphones, but obviously there are microphones and no one. I don't think anyone did a car, actually.

I think someone did do a cartwheel. Come to think of. I think it's one of Amberly's mastermind, folks.

Is it really?

Yeah.

That's awesome.

That's great.

Yeah.

This is cool, man. What a principle of like, keep on going, right? And when you're scared to do it, when you're not sure how it's going to be, just go, just hit send. Just freaking go for it. You know, make the call, do the thing, get in the room.

Yeah.

And I'm telling you, that event. How many friends that I've had and how many people, like, we've just been on podcast runs with each other, you know, which is cool. And so what a gift it is to have someone be persevering and resilient. And of course, Amber, you know, messages, resilience is. Is just having that. But I didn't answer your question about. As you can tell, I'm very passionate about life and people and growth and helping people. And, you know, my background is I was like the most insecure person to me, of course, that I could knew back in the day. I was so caught up in fear of. Fear of what people thought about me, fear of failing, fear of. Fear of like, success even, and. And wanting to say something because I didn't want to offend anybody. So I. I created this little cage around myself, you know, and I hated it. Freedom is such a big value to me and I want to feel. I want to free. Feel free on the inside just to Be everything that I was created to be, everything that God has made me to be. But I. Every time I try to move forward, I would feel this, like, pull. Like, no, yeah, like, resistance pulling on my chest. And I was like, man, I don't want to feel this way. I want to feel free. I want to feel confident. I want to feel. I want to feel worthy of love. I want to feel worthy of success. I want to feel worthy of.

And. And so I went on this journey and, you know, someone put a book in front of me, and I got obsessed with human behavior. And at the same time, I was in a boy band back in the day, right? Like, the blonde hair.

I didn't get a chance to see the dance moves. Come on now.

Oh, man. Oh, man. They're out there somewhere. So, um, you know, and it was interesting because I went on this journey of, like, no. Like, I will not. I want to choose my life. I want to live my life. I don't want to live as a puppet, worrying what people think about me. I don't want to live like a puppet, knowing I'm made for more, but I'm living less.

Ooh, yeah.

You know, I don't want to do that. I want to be. I want to live my life. I want to unleash everything that I meant to be. I want to have the relationship, the life, the success, the wealth, the health, everything that I can do that's within my reach and even stretch that. And so. So, yeah, I went on this crazy journey, man, for, like, literally the last 26 years of human behavior, Understanding what are fears? What is the nervous system? I'm a hyper nerd. And I, you know, I can nerd out big time about trauma and performance and the scientific aspect of, like, the nervous system of why fear shows up or what to do and how to do that. But the reality is, when we understand how we operate, we can become the programmer, not the program.

Oh.

You know, and so for me, it's like, no, I'm sorry. I'm done being the program. With all my past belief systems, all the things I know, I made for more.

Yeah.

And I. You better believe I'm going to understand how to understand the next level of fear. What's my next level? What's my next level? Because. New level, new devil.

Yeah.

And when I could learn the principles of breakthrough, the principles of breaking free, the principles of healing, of empowering, of confidence, of reprograming my subconscious mind into the identity, the belief systems, the values, the behaviors, past doesn't have to equal my future unless I choose it to be.

Yeah.

It's my life. And I was done living my life based off of external things. I want to live my life based off of what I know I'm supposed to give the world.

Yeah.

And that's. That's been the most beautiful thing. And ever since I tasted that, like, I taste, I was like, oh, man. I, I, I had to share it with people, started sharing it with people, and I started seeing breakthroughs all over. And it has been my life's mission. Like, I love witnessing people break free and live.

Yeah.

Create more goodness. Because I. I'll end on this little run on. On this, Stephen. I feel with my heart, with every part of my heart that it's time. It's time for the people that want to lead with love, that want to lead with light difference.

Yeah.

We need to make love louder. Light louder. We need to fear less and love more. We need people to step into who they are because we need them. The world needs them. Our kids need them.

Yeah.

Future needs them. But all, like, a lot of the people that are so good are caged with the fear of people that have opinions or caged with this insecurity or what if I fail? But it's time to break, break free and go from the fear to the freedom, the fear to the love. You can embody everything that we were made to be, not only just for us, but for our famil, for our loved ones, for the world. Because the word no one's gonna win when you play small.

Oh, dude, it's so good. I was just thinking, there's so many thoughts going through my head that because I knew this was gonna happen, like, I'm already gonna go, like, 10 different directions at once. Yeah.

Yeah.

All right, so a couple things. So first of all, this essence of. Not.

Of, I guess this essence of fear, and I would say it's. I would say the common denominator in fear has more to do with the fear of living inauthentically. Like, like every. I feel like every fear is coming from that I'm not living an authentic life. So you and I were talking about this before we hopped on air. So what? I. I'm a vulnerable guy. I'll go ahead and share this. Right?

I love it.

Yeah. Unfortunately, my wife and I are getting a divorce now. It's happening immediately in love. If. If anyone has to get divorced, it should happen in this way, meaning love, grace, mercy, no harm, no foul. Like, nobody's. Whatever. And it came that decision didn't come down because of a moral failure. The decision didn't come down because, you know, we didn't love each other. The decision came down to we are not living authentically. My authentic track trajectory is going this direction. Her. Her trajectory is going that direction. And of course, I can already hear my, my, and I love you, by the way. My Bible friends, like, no, no, no, no. Like trying to beat me up already, but like, suck it up, buttercup, because there is. There's still continual love that's present in that moment. And it came down to the authenticity. I've also discovered that not everybody wants to, at least from a desire perspective, wants to have that true level of freedom. Some people are just happy where they're at, like, so. But I also shared. I think that's the same dinner. I think, in fact, it was one of the things of Catalyst. I think I stood up and told everybody there was a movement coming. Yep, there's a movement coming. And I sense it in every fiber of my being. I feel like it's one of the things that God is preparing me for. Preparing you for. Preparing a lot of our friends for that. There's a movement coming where it's not about how much money you make. It's not about how the. All the success you've had. It's about can you legitimately help that person not for your benefit, but for their benefit, you know? And I felt like unstoppable success summit with Amberly was just that. Right? We had world class thought leaders take the stage, but those same world class thought leaders were having conversations in the auditorium, having conversations in the cafe, having conversations in the, in the, in the, like the, the breezeway area. Right. Everybody that took the stage genuinely wanted to make a major impact. Right. And you, my friend, I feel like you were a major.

There might have been. There were lots of sparks. You were the accelerant.

Oh, man.

So what we, we were all doing our best to fire at that different adversity like this. Right?

And then because of your light of love, the way in which you operate and. Right, guys, I'm telling you right now, Henry, Henry's not faking Henry. Henry is Henry. He's Henry. He's Henry at dinner, he's Henry on stage, he's Henry on the podcast, he's just Henry. Right? And it's light love and transparency is like the, at the core of your being. But I, I'm excited to be part of this movement with you.

Right.

I really, I really do think that the other thing I Want to mention as part of some of the things you said is like, there has to those. Those that search find, right? So you said, okay, well, what's missing? What's confusing? Where am I at all this? And you went on that research. Now, you did a lot of research. You were like, neuro linguistics. Like, now, would you recommend that people go that broad, or would you have them start with a singular source?

Man, Great question, great question, and thank you for your kind words. You know, I followed what I needed at the moment for myself, right? Like, what I thought I needed and what I saw working in people. Like, I got curious with a lot of people. I said, who's. Like, I wanted to be confident. Who do I know that's really confident? Can I pick their brain? Because they're doing something. They might not consciously know it, but they're doing something right.

Yeah.

I learned about subconscious. Subconscious mind. And I was like, you know what? Let me go. And I dove into a training. I went all in. I asked a lot of questions, did a lot of research.

And, you know, I went. I even volunteered for. So I'm gonna give you, like, my journey and why it happened the way it did. Like, I would look at, for example, Tony Robbins, and I would say, he's obviously having an impact. He's making a difference.

So I went. I went to his events and then also volunteered for his events. And I was a coach for his Global Youth Leadership Summit. And I was like, let me watch what's going on. And so I had a notebook for what I. Breakthroughs I was having and a notebook for what I liked that they were doing that worked, that was impactful, right? And so throughout my whole life, I was just really curious. And I'll share two things. One is.

Everybody'S fear shows up a little differently, right? So through my. My opportunity and blessing to serve people across the world, I've literally come up with. There was a list of, like, 67 different types of fear that I just saw were common. I would just listen. I was like, oh, that one I've seen in multiple people, right? Whether it's fear of failure, fear of rejection, you know, worried what other people think about you.

You know, envy, shame, you know, relationship depolarization, bullying, racism, division, right?

You know, playing small inauthenticity, like we said, right? There's a reason why we're inauthentic. If we're. We're living that way, that means. That means we feel safer not being who we are. We're afraid to be who we are. Right.

Yeah.

And so, you know, like, fear of actually succeeding. Some people succeed. What does that mean for my family? Like, I remember, for me, I'll just give you one example for me is. I know, I know. I had this conversation my wife the other day. I said, are you ready for what's going to come when my brand tips over?

Which is, like, happening as we speak.

Oh, man, I'm so grateful for what's. What's. What God is doing, what's unfolding. I just want to serve, man. Yeah, I really. I know you're the same way, Stephen. And I told her, are you. Are we ready for it? Do we understand the implications of.

What.

Comes up on social media? You have people that are. Have keyboard confidence, people that may not agree with certain people that might be like, oh, well, Henry's this. Or they might do something, go out. My wife is starting her brand, and that's growing. And I'm like, are we ready for success? Yeah, you know, are you ready for. You know, if it does?

I would call it impact at scale.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And, you know, and there's a story where I heard, you know, Alex Hero was talking to Dean Graziosi, and he's like. He was telling me, Dean's like, dude, I got. I get death threats, people trying to climb my fences. I could do this. He goes, but if that's the cost of making an impact, my wife and I are willing to do that. And, you know, being in a boy band and understanding music and understanding.

Even wanting authentic relationships, like, I'll give you an example. When I first started my podcast, I was asking every. Everybody to be on it. Hey, would you be on my podcast? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Everywhere. And I was like, wow. And these are people. And some of people, like, I've been there with in four. That's cool. Like, I guess that's fine. You know, like, I respect your time.

And then all of a sudden, months later, my podcast hits number one on in training at the time and number four or something in education on Apple.

Yeah.

And all of a sudden, that day, I get 365 text messages. Hey, Henry. Like, do you remember how you doing, buddy?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm just like, whoa. I also need to know who my people are. There's all this, like, fear of success that I used to have. Right. And as I work through it, I'm able to break through it. Fears also show. This is a story on fear that would resonate with a lot of people. I think I used to always hit A capstone in how much money I made. Right. And.

And every time I'd get to a certain point, I would sabotage. Self sabotage is a fear. Right? It's a fear response. Procrastination. And I. I did the inner work and I did the process. Says that I've learned. And I realized that I valued love over money. And I used to have a belief that if I made money, I would lose the relationship with my sister. So what did I do when I was about to make a certain amount of money?

Sabotage that joker.

Nope. New project.

New project. Not gonna ask for that. Not gonna ask to be paid for this. Not gonna ask for what I deserve. And I just kept going under the radar until I worked through it. And Stephen, when I worked through it for the first time, I worked through that fear and realized that that wasn't my nervous system. Didn't have to, like, be afraid of that because it was a subconscious thing. It wasn't a conscious.

Yeah, yeah.

The second I broke through was the first year I broke six figures.

Jeez, man.

It's. And so we don't understand how deep these fears are embedded in us that when we try to move forward in them, it's like, don't come back. And so we feel that. What do you want to call it, resistance or these beliefs that limit us. Right?

Yeah.

But there are true things that we can do to go in. And he. And I think it's important for us to understand how can I address. Lovingly identify my fears. You can't beat yourself up into healing. And then how do I get. Become free and embody everything I was meant to be, bro.

Just for the record, you're dropping a lot of nuggets that you're just flying through, you know, so the whole, like, work through it to break through it, like. Like what you just said, like, I'm telling you, like, everybody that's watching and listening right now, I want you to go back and re. Listen to this particular episode a few times. And you might want to slow. You know, everybody tells you, like, hey, go 2x speed. I'm like, this is one. You probably need to make it where he's like, sound like this, right? No, no. Seriousness. No, I love that so much. In fact, I was. I jotted a couple notes down. You. One of the things you told me at that dinner was this. This massive breakthrough that happened in an environment that it wasn't supposed to happen in, because you did it scared, right? You were. You were about to step on stage and either play for or speak to like 35,000plus or this massive audience. And it's almost like we call him God, call him Holy Spirit. Other people might call him Source or whatever, which is totally cool. We love you regardless.

But that urging gave you a direct. I want you to do this. Talk to me about a little bit about the importance of doing it scared. Because I feel like doing it scared is really what creates that environment that you just talked about with your sister. That breakthrough like you did, you. You had to step out on faith and do it scared. Even if it didn't make conscious or subconscious sense, or subconscious sense, you still did it. So first of all, share that story because I think it's a powerful story of what happened. And two, break it down for me on why it's important to do things there.

Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Great question. And so I, I'm. This is going to be another like deep dive thing, but I think, hey, it's all right.

We're going to slow it down for everybody. Just for fun.

You just do you. Yeah, thanks. It'll resonate. Because this is a story. I'll use a metaphor and then I'll tie it back in. You know, imagine a child, right? And they're ready to jump. You're trying to get them to jump into the water and you go in and you're like, no, just go. And you push them in there and then they fall in and they have this trauma around it. Or you have a child where you can go stand next to them and hold their hand and say, listen, I'm here, I got you. I'm going in with you. And I know you're scared, but I got you. And I know in the past, you know, maybe this is what you've seen or experienced, you've heard these stories, but I'm here with you and I'm going to walk you through it. Fear is like an inner child that's screaming, right? And I'm not a big fan of emotional override where I'm like, just suck it up, Henry, and forget it and just go. That's part of it. Empowering yourself to take action, aligned action, right? And it's being compassionate with the part of me that is afraid, right? It's looking at myself saying, henry, fear is your body trying to keep you safe. So I'm not pissed at myself for having fear. I'm not mad at myself for having fear. Thank you, body for trying to keep me safe. Even though every. You've played out every possible scenario that could go wrong when I'm talking to these 40 plus thousand people. I'm going to go out there, they're going to laugh at me. It's a music festival and I'm speaking to them.

So instead of doing that, I had to lovingly accept myself where I was and not, I can't. You know, when we stash away our emotions and push them down, and push them down, and push them down, they're going to surface. Right. What I wanted to do is give myself a newer emotional experience that's very present.

So when I do it, I could reprogram my nervous system to do that. Granted, whenever you do anything new, you will feel fear. If you don't feel fear, it feels moving in the right direction most of the time.

Yeah, yeah.

Right. Because if you weren't afraid, you'd already be doing it.

Mm.

If you didn't weren't uncomfortable with it, you would already be doing it. So you will experience fear. It's. How do you navigate it? So for me, when I was about to go speak on stage and I was sitting there and, and there's a video of me literally like as someone videoed me. And I said, henry, if I go on default mode, if I just go on autopil pilot, my mind is not made to help me to thrive and to win. My mind's number one directive is to keep me safe. And so what is, if I go on autopilot, is it going to think of all the great things that are going to happen or all the worst things that are going to happen? Worst things, yeah. I sat there and I realized my imagination was running rampant. Like, you're going to go out there, what are you going to say? What are you going to. All the worst case scenario. So I, I had to regulate my emotions. I took a deep breath, I, I caught hold of my thoughts, I felt my body, I said, hey, I know you're afraid and just little boy that I told you about it, you know, this is a nerdy thing, but if you look at groups like ifs or like parts work or internal family systems therapy, a lot of stuff like that in terms of trauma.

A lot of the belief systems we carry happen when we're younger. If you speak up, then people won't like you. If people don't like you, you're going to be alone. If you're alone, then you're going to be miserable. All these thought process. So what I do at that moment, I'm like, hey, Henry. Like. And I, I, I, I control the narrative. I got you. I Got this.

We're here.

I have my support system. I have my people. So I don't just have to do it scared. I do it intentionally scared. I do it with support system. I do it with intention. I do it not overriding and discounting my emotions, because every emotion is a messenger, not a dictator.

Yeah, Right.

And so if I just don't do anything because I'm afraid, then my emotions become my dictator. But here's the beautiful part about fear and about emotion is any emotion can lead you to more freedom. Any emotion can lead you to more healing. But we're afraid of the emotion.

Yeah.

We don't make friends with it.

And it's not about overriding your emotions. It's about mastering your emotions.

Yeah. Yeah. No, I think I. Dude, I love talking to you. I do. So I jotted this down while you were. While you were. While you were sharing, because it reminded. It triggered something in me.

So.

All right. So I just shared to the entire audience that I'm going through a difficult season at the moment. Okay. And it's. It could. God, I mean, it could be a lot more difficult than it is, and it's not, because it's. It's full of love and grace and mercy, which is just a beautiful thing in and of itself. However, I went and took my son. You know, as we had to tell the kids, obviously, unfortunately, the kids are adults. They're biologically. My wife's. Where they're. You know, they're. They're mine. Through, I guess, adoption. Through emotional adoption. Right?

Yeah. Yeah.

So my oldest son, he says, I. He goes, I'd really like to have dinner with you. I'm like, okay, cool. And I. So I drove out to where he was at. We went and had dinner, and then, you know, he was sharing with me his. His thoughts on the whole situation. And, you know, he was. He's actually very. Saying very nice things about both of us. Very proud of us, both for. For, number one, loving each other the way we did love each other and how intentional that was. Loving them the way we love them and how intentional that was. And then. Then he said. So he goes. He goes, but I do want to share something with you. I'm like, okay, all right, share. You know, share. Way. He goes. If there's one. If there's one thing of all, because you said, you know, you're a great provider. We know that you love us. We know that you support us. We know that you're here. If we need to pick up the phone and talk to you, we know all these different things. He said, if there's one thing that you need to take into your future, this is my, this is my 22 year old son, right? Because there's one thing you take into your future is. He says, stephen, you have to work on being present when you're present.

But I was like, ah. And literally in that moment, I was thinking through all of these different, these different Rolodexes where, you know, they're trying to talk to me and I'm trying to, I'm trying to finish my, you know, I'm. I come home, I had a very stressful day because, you know, obviously I'm in multiple businesses currently and, and you know, and I try to do everything with excellence, right? So I get home, I think I'm done for the day. I walk through the door, I try to put my phone on do not disturb, turned upside down or whatever, but you know, my computer goes ding, right? And of course I'm an ADHD person, so I'm like, oh, noise. Let's go see what that was, right? And then, you know, and then it's about something else that deflates, you know, maybe what could have been a good day or whatever. Anyway, long story short is more times than not, my own family tried to connect with me at moments that my connection was broken and it wasn't intentional. So one of the things I was talking to my life coach about, I got a good friend of mine, it's a life coach, he's over in Palm Springs.

About is like, here's my trick. I don't currently know how to break that mechanism because my behavior pattern for the last 25 years is it's all on my shoulders. If it's to be, it's up to me. And I know better. Like, I know better. I know that at any point in time God can like take everything or give me more. Like, it's, it's completely whatever his frequency wants, right? So I instinctively know all these things. But in the moment, I could honestly say, even if I walked through the door today and I had something on my mind, that I would be able to shut it off and engage, you know? And the reason I say that is because you just got to talk about the importance of emotion, right? And emotions, I think, are neutral, right? They're, they can be used. They're like a brick, right? They can build stuff or they can break stuff, Right, right, right. And one of the things that I'm realizing as I've been maturing, as I've been Vibrating at a higher level as I've been stepping hopefully more into. More my authentic nature for my future. And I've kind of been doing all this internal work. Some would call it shadow work, some would call it like. It's a bunch of different terms. It just means you're working on you. Right. But as I was doing all that, I've learned this one thing. And this is. And I know this is long winded, but I wanted to kind of give some background.

I love it.

The one thing that I'm trying to figure out or one thing I've discovered is the. The emotions or the subconscious nature of the emotions that cause us problems tend to continue to resurface until you actually deal with them 100%. Right. So break that down, because that was one thing that I. That I kind of got from your. Even your presentation during the Unstoppable Success Summit is like making people more aware of. Of the things they need to be aware of.

Yep. 100 million. I love that you said that. It sparked a thought. So I'll. I'll answer your last question. I'll share my thought that you inspired.

You know, emotions. We could use our emotions. Our emotions could use us.

Yeah.

But I. This phrase came to me, and it said, you're gonna keep dealing with something until you deal with it and get real with it. It's going to keep coming up. Right. And it's almost our body doing us a favor. Can you resolve this? Can you resolve this? And one of the modalities I studied, they say one of the prime directives of the subconscious mind. One of the main reasons for the subconscious mind, first is to keep you safe. Right. Then it stores all emotions that have been unresolved. And this is the best part. It presents them when they're ready for resolution. So if something comes up to me, I'm like, shoot. My body's ready to resolve this. We don't want to store emotion in our body. It's not healthy. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, whatever.

Yeah.

And.

To be aware of it, most of us only let ourselves.

Hear enough truth about what it is to feel uncomfortable, but not the full truth to become free.

Ow. And. Yes.

You know, and. And. And so it's like, yeah, I know I got to do this. But we don't let ourselves feel it fully. But why not? You know, we're afraid to feel big. Most big feelers, if you hold emotion in, it's because you're really scared if it comes out. What does that mean?

Right.

And the interesting thing with With. With fears and with, you know, I. I say.

Like, these things that you're talking about, for example, wanting. Wanting to stay connected. Right. Like, my phone rings right now. Like, my lights are turning on. I have to turn my phone upside down while we're on this podcast. Because instinctively I'm like, oh, is someone reaching out about this? Oh, is this person? Because I have some big projects and my mind, okay, gotta do this, gotta do this. But I had to tell myself something, Stephen. And I said, you know, fear.

Is.

Almost like faith in the wrong thing. And when you have faith in, you start to manifest.

Say that one more time. I thought that was deep. Do it again.

Yeah. So fear is faith in the wrong thing. And what you have faith in begins to unfold. And I'll give you an example.

I'll share it from a logical, a spiritual, and a nerdy perspective. Okay.

All of which are totally my vibe, by the way.

Yeah, I know that. That's why we talked so long. It was awesome. Imagine walking into a room and you're really scared. You feel like you don't belong in the room. You're really scared of what people think about you.

You.

You assume the worst. There's this whole insecurity that runs your thing, like, oh, shoot, oh, shoot. And there's an energy you give off. So when I come to the room and all of a sudden, imagine people walk in and they all look at me. They all look, they're like, oh, Henry's here. And I'm like, oh, they're wondering why I'm here. Maybe I shouldn't be here, you know? Oh, man. Are they thinking, like, it's. How do I look? I look at my hair, like, who is this guy? Why is he wearing a hat? This is lying on it. Is that, like, is he thinking mine or is that about Jesus? Oh, he believes in Jesus, like, whatever that is. Right. And so what's going to end up happening to me energetically is I'm probably going to lower my energy, shut down, turn inward. Because fear is. Fear makes you turn into self preservation. I'm thinking about myself.

Yeah.

And because I was scared that they didn't think I belonged in that room. Now, do you think when I'm in that state, am I going to have more connection or less connection with those people?

You're absolutely going to have less connection.

Less. And it's going to prove the model that, oh, people don't really want me here because, oh, they didn't really connect with me. Oh, the fact they didn't connect with me. And then it's a cycle. Fear is a negative cycle this way. Whereas if I walked in and I had a belief like I'm, God put me in this room. I'm here to do something. I'm here to serve somebody. Who am I here to serve? I got this ghost. You look at me and instead of being like, oh my gosh, look at me, I'm like, oh man. Or if I'm confident, they must like my wondering what might happen. Let me go share the message. I'm like, hey guys, how's it going? Even if they're a little weird, I, I'm, I'm not in self preservation mode because I'm in a faithful state of abundance. And okay, I'm here for a reason. I'm in this space for a reason. God's got me in this room for a reason. You believe in, right? For a reason. And then I go in and I am who I am and I'm who I'm supposed to be. Sharing love and light. Because it's hard to have fear and love at the same time.

Yeah.

Right. And so if I walked in with that love, you know, if I feared less and loved more, am I going to have more connection? Less connection, more. And so I perpetuate that direction.

Yeah.

So logically, you know, a lot of people are, are afraid to let people in because they've been hurt before. So we let people in just enough, but we're afraid to get hurt. But we also don't want to be alone. And so we also are afraid to be alone. But that fear of letting people in is, you know, it's a cycle. And so, but faith and fear, you don't, I don't know what's happening in the future. They're both imagined futures for the most part.

Yeah. Yeah.

You know.

How do I deliberately be a co. Creator of my life or a creator of my life Intentional? Because I'm telling you, if you go on default here, if you're listening and you're on autopilot every day, you are living in the lower frequency. It takes intention, it takes diligence to move forward. It takes, it takes diligence to raise your frequency. Because autopilot is fear.

For the most part.

For the most part.

Yeah.

Right. Or, or what's the lowest thing that's going to keep you connected?

And, and, and so from, from a spiritual perspective. And I mean, there's all types of people and I'm going to just quote, you know, a scripture in case anybody does. If you don't just take the principle.

My. Our audience is. Is spiritually inclined. So they. They know that light love prevailing. So. Yeah.

And that's. And that's. And that's really it. Like, if you really think about it, like, if we're. Love is the ultimate. No matter what religion you go to, where you go. When they ask Jesus, what's the greatest thing? It's love God. Love others as yourself. We have a problem with people not loving themselves, people not loving others, and not being connected to divine. But why don't we love other people? Is because when we're in fear, it's hard to be preserving yourself and love.

Well, it's also hard to love someone else if you're not. If you don't love yourself 100. You can't even receive it. And I say that because I went through this situation where a lot of times, you know, a lot of. A lot of the guys that I've worked with. Well, no, a lot of the people that I've worked with, in truth, that have had different difficult.

Parental challenges. Right.

Yeah.

It's hard for them to relate to a creator, if you will, that loves them because they've never seen the embodiment of love inside of other people. Therefore, they put their value based on what they think others think of them, rather than having their value based on what they want to become of themselves. And then tied to the Creator.

100 man. 100%. And that's where, like, a lot of the healing work. I'm obsessed over healing traumas, healing stuff because, you know, like, my parents love me the best that they could, but my dad escaped to war two years before I was born. Right.

Yeah.

Part of my understanding of masculinity was tacos being thrown across the room and glass being broken. Right. Like, ouch.

Yeah.

That's like. But when you understand. When I understood that I was so afraid to step into my masculinity for so long because I thought it was destructive, that that kept me from being a safe place for my partner.

Yeah.

Because I was so afraid to step into leadership because the only leadership I knew from a male was. Was like, back and forth. I didn't know. Stable. And I know, and I know my dad was doing the best that he could. He lived a really tough life. And I could have compassion and I could understand that. And back to loving yourself. Love is the healer. And when you study, even in. In like, some of the modalities that I think are the most transformative.

You.

Can'T beat yourself up into healing you can't, you know, reject yourself. To love yourself.

Yeah.

You have to first accept yourself. And I. And, and my main point is, if you really want to heal and you really want to evolve, it takes a deep sense of looking inward and saying, what part of myself don't I like? And how can I learn to love it?

Oh, dude, that's such a good question.

I got. I got spidey tingles, dude.

Yeah. I go off on these tangents and I know. I, I.

No, no, this is. This is why you and I hang, right.

This is, you know, people are getting.

An inside glimpse about, like, some of our brief conversations we had during the event.

Wow.

Gosh.

All right, so let's, let's. All right, so I. You've heard me say before on stage that I believe that principles govern promises.

Yeah.

If they're going to be principles to outweigh the negative that's going to lead us to the promise, what would the principle be? To love ourselves at a nature in which is true and authentic and allows us to step into our future.

You know, I Love that question. Dr. Stephen Porges says there are no such thing as bad behaviors, only adaptive ones. And what it means is everything we do in our lives, every action that we take, we believe is either going to keep us safe or keep us connected. Like, for example, some people feel, you know, maybe they grew up in an environment that they had to preserve everything themselves to survive.

I'll give you a specific example, right. There was a girl that couldn't stop working. Nothing she couldn't stop. Like, she. Everything had to be, quote, unquote, perfect for her. And she couldn't stop going at all, at all, at all, at all. And she came to me. We did this, we did it. We did a process. And she said, henry, no matter what I do, even if I succeed, I never feel like it's enough. I feel like I'm a failure. And she was like a VP at a bank. Incredible mother, all these things. And I'm sitting there like, you know, but it doesn't matter what you do. It's how you feel about what you do. You know, back to the feelings, we did a. We did a process. We went back to the first time she'd felt that way. And this may be, you know, we could dive into processes and stuff. I'm a big nerd about, like, subconscious processes. She went back to the first time she felt that way. And it was her dad when she was younger, grabbed her by the arm and moved her because she failed and said, man, you. You failed me. And so the first thing she did was she said, oh, my gosh, I can't fail or else I'll lose the love of my caretaker and my provider and the safety that I have. Safety and connection. She was going to lose it. Yeah, right. And so her whole life, she lived her life saying, I can't fail, I can't fail. I can't fail. I can't fail. But, Stephen, if I told you, don't think of a purple tree, what did you just think of?

Well, I'm colorblind, so. A blue purple tree.

A blue purple tree. That's awesome. That was awesome. Never had that answer. That was awesome. And, you know, and so her whole life, she's walking around looking for failure. Not to fail. Don't fail, don't fail. Don't you live the whole life of this standard that was really hard for her to reach because it was all. It was never. It was never enough. She was never enough. She did. But just to understand, that happened when she was younger. Her body adapted to it. So if anybody's living in a behavior that's constant, if you keep sabotaging, procrastinating. You know, I work with a guy who procrastinate. You know, he. No matter what, he's like, I just can't 10. I can't finish things. I just. My body, like, I just feel like I keep stopping. And he just was beating himself up over it. I, I asked him this question. We did this process where he realized. Well, he believed that if he did something, he would fail. And if he fails, he's not good enough. He's not good enough. He's going to be alone and doesn't deserve to live because that's what his. That's what he grew up with.

Wow.

So I. I told him, I said, let me ask you a question. If you associate failing with losing connection from the people that you love, you're gonna fight not to fail at all. And even if that means you never start.

Yeah.

You know, so how do you give yourself? What's the principle? It's. You got to give yourself grace to know that everything you're doing now is what your body believes. It's going to keep you safe. Or conn, if it doesn't make sense.

Dude, that's good. That's so good. I was just thinking, one of the programs that my Life and I Life coach and I, I, It's. It's good because I, I've. I've learned to do some more subconscious work, which Is obviously changed my conscious reactions, which has been cool. But one of the ones that came up was when I went to go build my first business.

My father tried to talk me out of it. He told me it was going to be a train wreck. And I realized he had. He had a business that failed and he was trying to save me from pain. And, you know, for that I love him for my destiny ended up working out differently. But, you know, I said this on stage. You know, one of the things used to say is, scoggins don't get ahead. They get by. Which I has. Which I have now proved is a lie. And I didn't choose. I didn't mean to make that rhyme. I just did. But in doing so after that, within like the first three or five years, I started making a little money, started becoming a little more successful. He started seeing that I had a more. A bit more of a surplus. He and other members of my family and friends immediately started coming to me and like, well, family helps family, right? And I didn't realize until my life coach. And this is like, I'm 22, 23 years old when I'm starting this company. Maybe 27 or 8 before I started real making, you know, good money. And now that it's, you know, is what it is now, it's, you know, it's. It's interesting because I'm 47 years old as I stand here and talk to you right now, okay. It wasn't until four months ago that my life coach is like, dude, you're operating on a responsibility program. You think it's your responsibility to protect everybody and save everybody and help everybody, you know, because, like, in a lot of business negotiation stuff like that, the first thing that comes to my mind, my mind is, all right, how's this going to affect my team? Not realizing that, you know, your team may or may not give a crap about the owner or the. The business itself. They're like, there's a lot of work that has to go in to have that kind of culture as bought in. And I started doing something tangibly that has made it easier to let go of the responsibility program. And when we were doing the subconscious work, he's like, what's up? You know, this is. Goes back to neuro linguistics, like, what is a physical response that you can choose to do? A.

A subconscious overcome or a sub like a change? And so now it is. Is if someone tries to tell me it's my responsibility to solve their problem, donate their money or whatever, I literally go, it's not my responsibility.

And I know it sounds cheesy as hell, but it works like a few months of just, it's not my responsibility. And I was able. And that allowed me to start saying no to the people I should say no to. And allow me to start saying yes to the people I should say yes to, because now I have the bandwidth to do so.

Right? Yes.

You know what I'm saying? Like, I feel like there's so much of the subconscious work that's got to be like more to the forefront and which is why I love talking to you. Dude, I told you we. We would be chasing squirrels this entire episode.

I love it. I'm here for it. This is like, yeah, so we did this for hours. And I know we can continue probably for more.

You know what I mean? Absolutely. Well, let me ask you. Let me ask you one final question, and then.

I'll let you go from unstoppable when you figure out what the next show holds for us. But.

Now that you've done the inside work and your heart's desire is to help people do the inside work, to get the outside value, what is the number one thing you want all people to take action on today?

That's a really, really good question.

I would just say.

It'S.

It's a two part one action. It's give yourself grace, love yourself where you are, and love yourself to stay where you are.

Yeah.

Do the work.

Yeah.

You know, love yourself where you are and love yourself not to stay where you are. Do the work. Because I'm telling you, there is hope. Like we said it. Your past doesn't have to equal your future unless you choose it to be right right now. Everybody listening. You literally, Literally. The beautiful gift of life is every day is another chance to get it right. Every day's another chance to pivot. Every chance to pivot this way or that, whatever that is right now. You hear in this episode, if you've stuck out to this point, you're freaking bombed. Because that just shows how much you care. And the demonstration of love that you have for yourself, because it's pouring into yourself through a podcast like, this is a demonstration of self love.

Yeah.

But right now you could be thinking, huh, you know what? I'm gonna go invest in this coaching program. I'm gonna go go to therapy. I'm gonna go do the work. I'm gonna go do this thing, whatever that is for you. Life can shift right now and never be the same in the best possible way because you could build a new relationship with yourself through love. And you could build a new relationship with life by, by, by recognizing that there's more for you. But all it is is that one decision on the other side of that fear that if you just did the work, your whole life would shift.

Yeah, dude. No, it's so good. All right, so I gotta, I got a follow up question because I can't help myself. Yeah, and then we have. And then we'll have to figure out how people can connect with you and learn about a big project you're working on.

All right. Okay. So let's say I've stuck around this entire time. I've realized that I'm vibing, I'm vibrating at our level. I, I'm hungry for the change. I'm hungry for the challenge. I'm. I realize that I'm not where I want to be. I'm beginning to awaken that I, that I could be a lot more than I am now. I have a hunger and a desire to be different. To step into whatever the. My destiny is. Right. I'm willing to overcome the fear. I'm willing to do it. Scared. I'm willing to do. I'm willing to do the work.

How can we help them understand what the first step, like the, the first step of the work. Right. I would say, I would say it's surrender. But you know, but I'm curious to know what you would say. Like, if it's because again, it's like, all right, I got all this amazing information. I'm vibing like I'm hungry, like I'm, I'm in it. Like I feel it, like I'm, I'm here, right? But then we hang up that, we hang up this call and they're like, dude, that was freaking amazing. What do I do?

Yeah, that's a great question. I am so not about just inspiration. Like transformative experiences are the key. I love that. Surrender. Surrender is a really good one. I, to me, the first step of everything is a true, honest, loving self awareness, a compassionate curiosity, as Gabri says.

So like taking, taking inventory without playing guilt.

And yeah. What's, what's working, what's not working in your life. Not only focusing on what's not working, but what's really working. Right? And then to me, finding people that have already done the things that are not working for you to go either learn from them. Who's a master at it? For me, it's building a system, a surround system to help you succeed. What content are you? Are you. What are you looking at what are you doing? Who are you surrounding yourself with? What are you investing your time, energy and money into? Take a step. And, and I, I would, I think it'd be safe to say, first of all, get support. Man, there is such a big thing and even in neuroscience called co regulation, right? Cues of safety with somebody else, where you're with somebody, you're not doing it. So many of us are lone rangers. Bishop TD Jake said if your goal, if your goal can be accomplished by yourself, it's not big enough. Right. And so I really believe wherever we want to go, that's, that's a total different conversation. But a. Get a support system. Be. Take the next simple step. Not. It doesn't have to be a big one. See, get routines going, morning and evening routines. Start doing those things that feed life into you. And then, and then the last one is find someone that understands the nervous system, the mind, the heart, the body, the spirit. How do you heal from the past? How do you master your emotions, how do you reprogram your subconscious mind? Go study those things. Because here's the thing, when you learn how you operate, then you get to become the programmer and remember. And I think above all, sorry, this is it. This is the one. You have to decide to be the decider of your life. You have to choose to choose. No more autopilot.

Yeah.

There's not a day that goes by that you don't decide what you're doing that day and why you're doing it.

Yeah, dude, you know, so good. And by the way, audience, for those who are listening and watching, if you're not sure who to follow to do the very things like go follow these people. Go, you know, go find these people. I know a guy who wears a lion hat that you should totally be following and he's got a program that he launched or he was like let the audience in on during the unstoppable success summit. And we're over time. I don't care. I want you to talk about the program because I want people to engage with you because you are fast becoming not only a good. Well, we're basically beyond the friend stage. We're now brotherhood stage. But not only outside of that between the two of us, but someone I consider a ping pong mentor, someone I can, I can hopefully pour into and also receive from. I learned so much when I work with you and talk to you and, and we go deep. So I want to encourage the audience to follow you on pretty much every methodology possible. But for the time being, go Ahead and talk to us a little bit about one of the programs that you've been. You've been launching.

Yeah, man, I'm in the process of creating because I asked myself the question. I was like, man, you know, to be honest, it's like, I want to create what I've always wanted. You know, I. I want to create. I want people to understand how do you heal from your past, those belief systems, how do you reprogram your subconscious mind? How do you empower yourself in this moment to real emotional mastery and confidence? And so I'm actually building out a program as we speak right now. I'm doing an event. I don't know when this is going to come out. I'm doing an event on May 20, and I think I'm going to be doing an event once a month until I release a. This program, because I just want to serve. So if you go on my page, you know, Henry Amar at Henry Amar, you'll see, you know, anything that I'm. I'm creating, but I just really want to serve. And, Stephen, I know you're the same way, man. I'm really grateful to know you.

So grateful to know you, so grateful to have witnessed your heart behind the scene. Because I got to see you behind the scenes. I got to see you when you were stressed. I got to see you when a lot was going on, and you learn a lot about somebody when they're stressed. You know what I mean? And yet you always wanted to add value. You always wanted to make sure everyone was taken care of. You always wanted to make sure that you were doing the right thing based on your word. And I just wanted to say that publicly to everybody listening that I got a chance to witness you on your podcast. I just want people to know that who you're listening to, I got a chance to witness.

And.

And if you know me, I don't. I don't fluff. I'm not here to fluff someone's. I'm not here to BS anybody, you know, I'm here to. To speak truth in love. And of course, you know, my wife said that it is. She's like, did you just say that? Because I said, trust me, I just won't say anything, you know, but, you know, Stephen, I appreciated watching you. I appreciated your faith, and I appreciated your continual curiosity, you know, at the same time, while you lead. And so that was really, really cool. I just want to commend you publicly on your podcast about that. And, yeah, regarding my stuff, man, I'd love to Serve anybody that, you know, anybody that. That wants it. I'm gonna. My social media is going through a revamp, which I'm really excited about, and just want to add more value, man. It's exciting, you know?

Yeah, dude. And by the way, if you guys want to see him do his keynote speech and stuff that he did at Unstoppable Success Summit, he has the footage, so let's just see where he posted at. Wink, Wink.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right?

I will post that. Thank you.

I got.

I'm redoing my YouTube stuff too, which I'm really excited about, and that'll be one of the first things I put up because that was such a cool event. The footage was amazing, and I just feel really great, that speech, you know, I know we're over on time, but I just want to encourage everybody, too. This is. This might be a good lesson, is the night before, I had a really strong feeling of, like, no, that's not what you're supposed to say. And I had a really interesting experience right before I got on stage. Stephen. I had a few slides up and asked you, not before. Hey, is it okay if I switch it up? Because I kept feeling I needed to change it. And I just put up a few slides and.

Not like I had before. And I was about to go on stage, and my mind was empty. And as you could talk about surrender, you know? And I remember just saying a little prayer. And this is intuition, prayer, spirit, whatever you want to call it, right?

I said, man, I feel like I have nothing to say. To start out with, feeling that I had was. I emptied my. My thoughts out so I could fill myself with God's thoughts or the divine thoughts or whatever's supposed to come. And that was an act of faith, of just stepping out there, you know, wanting to add value for Amberly, for you guys, for trusting me to be on that stage. But there's something really beautiful happens when you surrender, when you listen to that little voice inside of you, and then you act on that little voice inside of you. You just continue that little process day in and day out, and I'm telling you, find yourself in places you never thought you'd be raised.

No, I totally agree. It's. It's the mustard seed approach, right? It's crazy that you. You say that, because I had. For the keynote that I did, I think I had 32 slides. I deleted all but four of them. And everything that I did on stage was completely just like.

It was so good.

This is what people need to. And I Always. I always. One of the things that in my little internal box when I'm praying before I go on and the night before is like, lord, what do they need to hear? Not what do I want to say, but what do they need to hear? And I know that the feedback, because obviously I've been getting the surveys back from Amberly's event, because we obviously serve everybody at the end of the event, figure out what happened. And a lot of the feedback comes down to the people you could. The speakers that got the most.

Applause is not the right word, but the most recognition, I guess, were the speakers that I happen to know for a fact deleted most of their stuff and went out and talked from the heart. I mean, it just. It just. I think it goes to show that there is a movement. It's coming. It's on us. It's happening right now, which is people want real, they want relatable, and they want truth.

Yeah, brother.

You know, and any thought leader that's willing to put themselves in that category is going to be incredibly successful. Not just from an impact category, because I've learned that if you serve well, you're also rewarded equally well. And then it becomes, okay, well, how can I serve more and give more? How can I serve more and give more? Serve, give, serve, give, serve, give. And that's a really fun freaking place to be. Yeah, it is so fun to be in that zone, but you can't get to that zone until you start doing it. Scared. Getting rid of the emotional trauma, like, really working on the subconscious, like, I don't know. Dude, I love you so much. I mean, you're. You are definitely a brother from another mother. And, yeah, audience, I know it's long. I can't help myself. You got to see why I gotta have it. Like, this is. This is. This is like, this is the guy, right?

Thanks for sticking around, everybody.

Yeah, absolutely. So, all right, man. Well, everybody go follow Henry. Enough said. Love you, brother. And we'll see you in the next one. Appreciate it.

Thank you so much.

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