Stop Playing It Safe! How Embracing Mistakes Can Make You Rich

The best way to learn is to actually make a mistake. You see, one of the biggest things that holds entrepreneurs back now is an unwillingness to suck. That is actually where you learn, right? And you don't got to be great to start. You got to start to be great. So get out there and take action and make it disproportionate. I love what you said, Steven. You're like, I wake up, I do 30 minutes of something that puts me in a beautiful state, mentally, physically, emotionally. And then I get to work, man. Like, dude, that's how you learn. But we're so afraid of judgment, criticism, rejection, abandonment and shame. You know, we're so afraid of it. And like I was talking about before, there's a healthy amount of all that. And that's where the gold is.

Guys. And welcome to one and only Kaylor B. Skull. Man. How you doing?

I'm doing great, brother. Up here in Canada, it's you. You wouldn't believe it. It's actually hot. Hotter than the hinges of hell up here, you know. But we only get it for about a couple of months and then, yeah, I live in literally the hottest place in Canada. It's like the California of Canada.

Out of curiosity, which part of Canada?

So I'm in Kelowna, British Columbia, also known as the Okanagan area. So, you know, about three and a half hour drive from Vancouver inland.

Okay.

It's more of the desert. It's similar to like an Arizona kind of heat. Although Arizona is obviously, you know, a little bit hotter. But man, in those, you know, July, August months, we get, we get up there. We really do. We get to like 110. We use Celsius up here, but you.

Know, well, 110 still sounds pretty strong anyway, but you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, dude. Well, look, man, I'm excited to talk to you, man. I was telling you before we, you kind of started hopping on air. Love your work, man. Absolutely love it. I love, I love the focus on the inner. I. I would call it the inner man. It's the inner person and how that kind of extrapolates to the outer person. Like walk me through a little bit of your own journey. Just super brief so we have time to, you know, get a lot of the wisdom of kind of how you came across a self discovery piece for yourself and life and business and then kind of work through it.

Yeah, man, it's always so hard to give the Cliff Notes, but I'm gonna do my darndest here. I will not go on for too long just so that we can really get into the. The meat and potatoes of my message. But, you know, I was someone who just really struggled for my entire life, mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, and, you know, for the majority of my life. I was there up until I was about 25. And, you know, I think the reasons why I really struggled was I'm a big believer in that your environment and your experiences and your upbringing really formulate your subconscious. And then that's essentially, you know, the narratives and the stories that are going on within. And there's two parts to that. There's the self concept, which is who we believe ourself to be, and then there's, you know, the world concept, which is what are the rule? Like, what are the narratives and the stories and the beliefs I have about how the world works?

Yeah.

So, you know, I developed all these really limiting beliefs and limiting narratives that, you know, just really didn't make me think too highly of myself. And I won't get into why, but, yeah, that's really all you need to know. And then I also had limited beliefs about how the world works around money, around success, around what I could accomplish in this world. So I was extremely insecure and had low confidence. Again, not getting into the details of why, but, you know, there are various reasons I didn't graduate high school, you know, so the. So, okay. Amazing. That's, you know, it's great. I think it's a flex, you know, because obviously you're. You're a successful dude. And I think it's. It's a cool thing to go through the system that we use to measure success, telling us that we were failures. Yep. And to be able to go through that and to be able to recognize those narratives that we attained from that situation and yet still.

You know, shift our thinking into, no, we actually can do really epic in this world. And what really was the catalyst for that was sports. Number one, I was involved in sports that taught me more than anything. That taught me what to truly value. That taught me how to practice how to be selfless, how to work with a team, how to communicate with others, how to fail, how to lose. Right. How that was actually more valuable than the wins. You know, it taught me how to deal with adversity. It taught me how to emotionally regulate. It taught me how to, you know, be a high performer and, like, physically and. And mentally be in the best shape that I can be. It. It most importantly taught me to be allergic to mediocrity and not settle for average and not Settle of being a loser in this world.

Yeah, I love that whole allergic to mediocrity. Love it.

Yeah. So that. So. So the sports was big and then so was guys like Tony Robbins, you know, and it's funny, I don't really like men. Tony Ro. Robbins is an og, right? Like, yeah, he is the energy of.

Our generation for sure.

Exactly. And you know, mad respect to him. I don't really listen to him too much anymore. I mean, although I. I will and I can't wait to interview him because, you know, I know I will one day. But you know, guys like that, you know, the Jim Rohns, the Bob Proctors, you know, I got in. Yeah, exactly. I got into to those, the. The gurus, the OGs. And they made me realize for the first time that I actually hold the key. Sorry, I don't know if we. I apologize if you do you boo. Okay, so I have a bit of a trucker mouth, but they showed me that I hold the fucking keys to my life. And they showed me that I actually just run off this automatic computer like program called my subconscious. And really what it's doing is it's just trying to affirm and validate my internal beliefs in the external world. But I don't have to run off that automatic computer program. I can recognize those limiting stories and narratives within and I can actually, as Viktor Frankl says, your freedom lies between stimulus and response. So I can actually be the observer of those stories and I can actually consciously respond despite those meaning. I cannot wait for confidence to show up. I can actually show up until I'm confident. And that's actually how it works. Right? So. So that's what I did, man. And to just wrap this all up, I just went on a relentless journey of, you know, researching and getting mentored, reading every book, watching every TED Talk, joining courses, getting coaches. And I just went on this relentless journey that was not pretty. It was very scrappy. But I just committed to like, man, I ain't gonna stop until I've achieved an extraordinary life. And you know, look, man, I don't have it all figured out, but I was a learning disability, you know, diagnosed to me, medicated for two years, didn't graduate high school, everyone worried about me. Six failed business illnesses, physical and mental ailments, could barely get out of bed in the morning for a long time, numerous panic attacks every week. That's Kaler 1.0. And now I've gotten to a point because of that journey of just showing up where honestly, it's unimaginable I can't even believe I have to pinch myself. And again, I don't have it all figured out. But, man, I've come a long ways and it's really cool because now I'm unlocking new levels and I'm realizing I'm just getting fucking started.

Yeah, dude, that's awesome. You know, I was just thinking too so much of understanding. I think your subconscious and conscious programming comes down to actually having the capacity to step back and evaluate life as it is and has had and how it had been. You know, for me, I always use the movie theology. Like, you can either be the character in the story or you can be the editor, like, making the cuts and the pieces and like, creating the story, you know, because the editor is the one that's creating the ending from the beginning, you know? So the difference between kind of what you just. What you just described to me and kind of where you are now is really one thing. It's learning, you know, which. Which makes me think about a little bit, like, how often do we truly allow ourselves to learn versus how often we let our ego get in the way to prevent our learning?

Look, man, I was just gonna say. So you said a lot of it involves taking a step back and actually, you know, I would even say, like, having the courage to look at all the internal demons and shortcomings and flaws and limiting beliefs and narratives that you have. And I think that kind of. To your point, I think that we are also wired. Look, our subconscious is completely wired for safety and survival. It just wants to keep you safe and survive. Why? Because most of human history, survival was success, right? The wiring that we run off of, most of the time, it doesn't care about your G wagon or your. I want to make 10k a month on your. Your vision board, right? It doesn't care about that because that's stepping into the unfamiliar. It's something new, and it's not necessary for survival. So I think we're also wired to just be asleep and to just like, turn a blind eye to all those internal, you know, things, because it's just more comfortable that way. So it really is a choice. What you're saying is it's a choice to be able to step back. It's not the easy route, truly. Like, because you want to know what. When you see all those limiting beliefs and all those things that you need to work on rewiring, when you see those, now you have to take responsibility. Now you have a choice. You either do something about those or you Say now I'm actually just going to stay in victim mode. I'm going to continue pointing my finger to the external world and saying, well, my boss is my problem or my parents are my problem, or my upbringing is my problem, or my job, or inflation or gas prices or this government or that government. It's a lot easier to actually just be able to point your finger. So it does take courage.

Yeah, well, there's. I think there's two things. I think there's a. The courage to realize that you are, quote, unquote, the problem. Meaning you, you are the problem and the solution. Right. I think, I think you mentioned Tony earlier. I mean, Tony's a big believer in, you know, how you see yourself is how you see kind of everything. Your relationships, your people, your business, one on so forth. I think the other piece of that too is like getting to the place where you were applying exploration and discovery principles rather than judgment and shame principles. I knew that was a big one for me. Like, it was super easy for me to beat myself up for stupid stuff that I had done. It was really hard for me to give myself grace, to then give myself a foundation to learn from it. And I, you know, you mentioned earlier, I think the. This concept of kind of the person you are now and the person you ultimately can become is really comes down to really one word, and that's learning. Like the things that you learn in phase one always speak to phase two, and phase two will speak to phase three, and so on and so forth. And for me, you know, I didn't graduate high school either. Dyslexic, adhd, you know, super creative. Like, I just got bored. I got bored as F in freaking class. Like, I just, I just hated being there. You know, you put something in my hands. Tacked, kinetic or whatever or vision, like vision oriented. I was, I thrived playing sports. I thrived, you know, so I totally understand that piece. But it seems to me that a lot of folks hold themselves back from really becoming. I think what you refer to as the awakened self or Awakening has more to do with just basically wanting to stay in the Matrix. Because the Matrix is easier. It's easier to follow the programming that's in front of you and behind you and around you and the, the circumference of the friends that you have and all this stuff. What was the. Was there. Maybe I should say, was there. Was there a catalyst that opened your. Yourself up to the awakening? Like, for me, there was a catalyst. I'm just curious.

I want to. I. Okay, I Want to go here because I think this is one of the most important things with the topics we're talking about right now. This is one of the most important and I would say, like, negle topics. So I'm going to come around and answer your. Your question, your latter question. But you did say before you talked about the shame versus the grace. This is so incredibly important. I think that shame G gets a really bad rap, but I think there's nuance to it, and I think this is so incredibly important. So here's what I want to say about that. I believe that with a lot of these negative emotions or feelings or internal pain programs or patterns, I think a lot of them get a bad rap and we just write them off. Absolutely. So shame is one of them. Shame. As soon as we hear that if you're in the personal growth space and you listen to guys like Tony Robbins and all that stuff, often you will hear shame and you'll say, oh, that's bad. We should never have shame. Well, I think there's a healthy amount and a toxic amount of all of these negative patterns and emotions. Shame is there for a reason, right? Like, we feel shame for a reason. If I didn't feel any shame when I was a complete degenerate because I was drinking and eating, you know, poison every day, and, you know, I just fill in the blank, unhealthy coping mechanisms constantly and not showing up for myself, not treating myself like I actually loved myself. If I didn't experience any shame, well, then what would have been the catalyst to actually get me off my ass and do something about it? So the answer to your question is, and this is so counterintuitive to people because again, again, we're. I would actually say, and myself included, we're kind of indoctrinated into thinking like, all shame is bad. I actually think it was the healthy amount of shame that I had. It was listening to David Goggins where he was saying, you can be so much more. He wasn't telling me I'm enough. He wasn't telling me that I should love myself necessarily. He was saying, if you do love yourself, put your money where your mouth is and go out and prove it by showing up for yourself like never before. Now, I do think that this is mostly going to resonate with the masculine. So with men who have the leading dominant masculine energy, not that we don't have feminine sprinkled in. We need to. We need to find that harmony. I think this is going to resonate less with women. Women more so are going to go within and they need more of that grace and that patience and the. Not that they don't need a little shame too. But I think for me, as a honestly man, the catalyst was looking in the mirror and saying, you can be so much better. Like, and guess what? Sports, Sports like consistently being conditioned by my coaches where they would, they would show me love and they would say, hey, I love you. This is why I'm yelling at you right now. This is why I'm pushing you beyond what you even thought was possible is because I love you. This is coming from love. I care about you. But you should not be content with where you're at right now because you can be so much more. That was the catalyst for me.

Dude, it's, it's crazy how similar.

It's crazy how similar a lot of the, the guests and the host are in this, this world, this space.

It almost exclusively follows the hero's journey. Right. So you got phase one. You're, you know, in your words, degenerate. I would say that I was kind of in the same kind of ballpark of my own kind of way. We have a, an awakening moment of sorts of. We go through the hero's journey of fighting some new battles, overcoming limiting beliefs, starting to kind of come to the self sabotage. Self sabotage was huge for me. I started having good stuff happen and I would just, I would throw hand grenades into it left and right.

Me too.

You know, and it makes me, it makes me wonder a little bit, you know, I know so much of your message is awakened and winning. Like to me, there's, there's people that are. That what I would say, they're awakened, meaning they're very self aware, they're very conscientious of what they want to create. But then they don't go and do the work. And then there's people that are doing the work and they're winning in many respects as a result of doing the work, but they're completely still sleepwalking. So how do you merge the gap between both, both systems, if you will, so you can be both awakened and winning at the same time.

Yeah.

So.

And I want to kind of make sure I answer your, your last question as well too, which I think they're very correlated in that you were kind of asking like, what's the catalyst for you to within and like realize that you had to like, know thyself, Right?

Yeah.

Who was it? Like, I don't know. I can't remember. What philosopher said that know thyself is Basically the fundamental principle of all personal growth and development. So the shame. There was a healthy amount of shame I had. Now let's just also I want to acknowledge. Well, what's the toxic amount of shame? Toxic amount of shame is if you are perpetually living in so much shame that it actually prevents you from taking action. Okay.

Yep.

So I just wanted to clarify that now to get to your question. How do you differentiate between awaken and winning? So I believe that there's four stages of awakening. Okay. You could call them phases, stages, levels, whatever you want. The first stage is to be awake to the enemies and the opponents and the lies in the external world. Okay? So we all know if you're quote, unquote awake, we all know what that is. That's the. Depending on your views, whatever, they're going to be in different priority. But it's, it's, it's the current establishment and you know, it's the western pharmaceutical establishment, the western clinical establishment, it's, you know, the government, the school systems, it's the wef. It's Bill Gates, it's George Soros. Like I could go on, right? It's the, it's anything in the external world that is an opponent that is going to get in the way of you achieving ultimate freedom. And, and it's the lies that they sell. We got to be awake to that, right? You got to be aware of what's going on. Because part of my awakening, Stephen, was truly like me recognizing that the life that I'm being sold by most of society and the media and, you know, everything I see in terms of this in school and everything and the life I'm being sold is actually something that's going to make me normal and average, which, and I don't mean to throw shade or I'm not trying to shame or judge people, but unfortunately, if we're spitting facts that makes you fat, sick, tired, weak and broke, okay? So it was to be awake to those are lies and I need to do things differently. And how I saw that was I saw all the people that I saw that were living extraordinary, successful lives, they were living differently. So I'm like, I need to live differently. So that's the first stage of awakening. The second stage of awakening is to be aware of the problem. So first stage of awakening, being aware of the enemy. Second stage of awakening, being aware of the problem, the real problem, the 80 to 90% of the problem, not the 10 to 20% in the external world that we barely control that's being preached.

To us as if it's the 90.

Exactly, exactly right. Most people who are quote unquote awake, they're actually just living in stage one and they think that their problem is inflation and gas prices and the wef. And it's like, yeah, yeah, okay, like it's a problem. But man, what's the real problem? Stage two of awakening. The only thing that can ever get in your way of, of achieving most vastly of your freedom, the most vast part of your freedom is you. And more specifically, I mean that part of you that I actually call the anti you. And that's what we were just talking about, Stephen. It's that part of you that just wants to keep you safe, small and comfortable. It's that automatic program that self sabotages, throws things away and is afraid. You talked about the little boy, I think you said it's that part of you. So that's the second stage of awakening is know thyself, know what are your patterns? Where do you self sabotage? Where are you limiting yourself? That's stage two of awakening. But that's not enough as well. If we know about Bill Gates and the fact that he's buying up all the farmland and that's a problem and the WF and all that stuff. If we know that, then we actually know our internal programs and patterning that are limiting us as well too. Well, that's still not a way you could still be fat, sick, tired, weak and broke. So then stage three of awakening is okay, well what do we do about it? You know, as Alex Hormozi talks about, learning doesn't occur unless behavior changes.

Yep.

So stage three of awakening is what are. It's to be aware and awake of the actions and the behavior that we have to have. So what are the action steps that we actually have to go out and do once we can see the anti you? So that's the third stage of awakening. Okay. Those are the three stages that I really talk about and I really focus on. Like I'm just talking from a coaching perspective. My messaging. The four stage of awakening I think is probably the ultimate and it's just not like my shtick, but I'm going to mention it because I think it's so important. That is the higher intelligence and the higher power awakening. It's to awaken that something within us is connected to something greater than us. And everyone's got different beliefs, right? Some are God fearing, some have faith, some believe in the universe, source energy, spiritual. Like it's just the higher and greater intelligence. Okay, whatever that means for You. I think that's the fourth stage of awakening. So, so that's the process I went through.

Yeah, well, so it's safe to say that as you become, you're going through each of the stages, levels, phases, however you want to call it. But around stage three, you should start noticing noticeable difference in your behavior patterns, thought patterns, tactical action steps you're taking on a regular basis.

Yeah, like you really actually like truly. I went in order with them. Now that's why stages might not be the best name for them. That's why I said levels or phases. Because some people are going to find Jesus first, right? And then they're going to awaken to the lies, then they're going to start taking some action steps, but then they're going to realize the second stage, which is like what's. So it doesn't mean you have to go in that order. Yeah, the, the bottom line is, is that every one of those, let's call them buckets, they all need to be filled in in our lives. Right. And that, that's, you know, I, I think when we take someone through, like for example in our, our program, you know, we just take them through, typically they come to us and they already are awake to stage. So they are aware of the enemies in the external world. They're aware of that there's a greater and higher intelligence that they can surrender and give their glory to. It's those middle two that they're really struggling with. They're not aware of that anti you part of them that slows them down and limits them and they're not taking enough action. Let me give you this one, Stephen. Most people, and I'll even include myself still to this day, even though I'm aware of it, most people are over educated underachievers or over awake underachievers. They know so much more in this information age that we're living in. They know so much because they read, they are on Instagram, they follow the gurus, podcasts, all this stuff. But the disproportionate amount of what they know and the wisdom they have, it's very disproportionate to the action that they take. And what we really try and do, honestly is get people to read less. And this is so like funny and paradoxical that I'm going to say this, but listen to less podcasts. And I have a podcast too, trust me. But we actually get them to listen less, stop learning as much. Because what they need to catch up on is if they were to take as Much action and double down on that. Then all of a sudden it would actually be better to be an under educated overachiever in my opinion.

If anything, dude, I, yeah, 100% agree with you on a, on a variety of different things. So there is definitely an analysis paralysis. In today's world, it's super easy to get content. I remember when I was trying to get my stuff together with the YouTube Didn't Exist podcast didn't exist. To get a, to get to a, an aspirational mentor, somebody that you aspired to be like, you literally had to pay thousands upon dollars that you probably didn't have, travel across the country, go sit in an audience hoping that some piece of wisdom would fall out. And that worked for a lot of folks. I mean I got, I got, I had several live events I went to that were life changing in many respects. You know, then there's this, this, in this new world I had a young man at savant savant in business, new things, hands down. And we started building two different types of organizations or similar organizations over the course of a similar time frame. And my particular organization tend to thrive faster than what he was building. And then so six months goes by, he goes by and he says, I don't understand it. I, we're basically building something very similar. I don't understand why you were further ahead than I am. I said, well, first of all, every entrepreneur thinks they should be further ahead than they actually are. I don't know a single one that doesn't. And I said, second of all, what do you do with your time? And he began to lay out. He said, well, I, I watch this, I read this, I map this out, I mind map this, I do this. I said, okay, cool. He goes, well, what do you do? I said, well, I get up and I consume about 30 minutes of content to feed my mind, my body, my spirit and I get my ass to work. I've built businesses by a lot of trial and error. Like, okay, I'm going to do it the best I know how to do it today. I'm going to take what I learned from that experience and I'm going to do it better tomorrow. And that's allowed me to propel myself to a certain level of.

Call it success. I don't, to me, I air quote success because it's different for everybody under the sun. But in the grand scheme of things, that was the core principle was, is the ability to take action. And we started talking about taking action. He's like, well, I'm not taking I'm like, why aren't you taking action? Because, well, I'm scared I'm gonna make a mistake. I said, dude, I'm expecting to make mistakes, you know? So how have you. Have you seen components like that in your world as well?

Well, that's how you learn, man. Like, what you're saying is so powerful. Look, if someone wanted to learn sales, let's say, right? They're just like, oh, man, I hate my job. And, like, I heard sales is a good skill to use to increase my value in the marketplace. And then, you know, I'll probably, you know, make some money. Well, nowadays, what we're conditioned to do is, okay, I gotta learn sales. So I'm gonna buy all the courses. I'm gonna intake them all. I'm gonna get a coach. I'm gonna go through the programs, I'm gonna sit on group calls, and there's gonna be a guru who teaches me sales, and I'm gonna read all the books, and I'm gonna. And yes, and what would have someone done before all of this, you know, information that we have at our fingertips? They would have went and knocked on doors. They would probably had a mentor. Okay. They probably would have got a mentor or someone that. That would have been the address.

They would have listened to their mentor.

They would have listened to their mentor, and then they would have. But it would have been so disproportionate. It wouldn't have been 80% learning until you're ready to go knock on doors. It would have been, no, like, literally just go knock on doors. Because the best way to learn is to actually make a mistake. You see, one of the biggest things that holds entrepreneurs back now is an unwillingness to suck. Right? That is actually where you learn, Right? And you don't gotta be great to start. You gotta start to be great. So get out there and take action and make it disproportionate. I love what you said, Steven. You're like, I wake up, I do 30 minutes of, you know, something that puts me in a beautiful state. Mentally, physically, emotionally.

Yeah.

And then I get to work, man. Like, dude, that's how you learn. But we're so afraid of judgment, criticism, rejection, abandonment, and shame.

Yeah.

You know, we're so afraid of it. And like I was talking about before, there's a. There's a healthy amount of all that, and that's where the gold is.

Hey, guys. I hope you're enjoying the show. Steven Scoggins here. I've got something that I think is. I'm going to blow your mind. Imagine taking your life and your business to the whole nother level. I'm talking about eight figure level and beyond. You see, you've been working your butt off to build your business where it is now. But what if you could work smarter, free up more time, make more money and impact along the way? How much would that be worth to you? You see, I can prove that basic steps, basic mindset shifts and subtle changes can make the biggest difference. I want to introduce you to the eight figure mindset makeover. It's absolutely free and it's here for you. It's a powerful summary of my top strategies that help propel me from the streets, if you will, to upwards of nine figures in quote unquote success as we like to chase it. This is more than just tips though. It's a complete mindset overhaul with simple hacks that you can apply today to begin working on your unprecedented heights in your own business. I would like the honor to share these types of things with you that turn my dreams into reality so you can experience the same type of joy and freedom that I now get to live out in my own day. In other words, it's time for you to build your own unstoppable enterprise. And if you're really ready to take it to the next level and elevate your life and your business, this is an absolute game changer for you. So if you want to take advantage of this free resource, simply go to the show notes and click the link. Or, or you can go to steven scoggins.com backslash8figure. That's steven scoggins.com Backslash8figure. Until then, much love. God bless. Let's get back to the show. Take care. Yeah, well, and that, and you learn it by practice. You know, I was just thinking too that, you know, there's, there's, there was a, I did a study so I, I used to help, I guess in a lot of ways. So I still do early stage entrepreneurs. Right? So these are people that are 500,000 top line to probably million million five that are trying to figure out a scale, right? So they, they've got an idea, they got a concept, product, service, whatever, and they're, and they had a level of success, meaning it's, they found out their customers want it. Right. And then you got to figure it out the rest. Right. Just because that's so much of my story. Right. So I built a business from the homeless. You know, being homeless in the trash piles of a construction site and then you know, recently sold it. And in the grand scheme of things, as I'm thinking through this, I, I did a study and they said, well, most entrepreneur businesses fall fail because of their under capitalized improper risk management, no management team, so on and so forth. And I got to thinking about that. I was like, none of those things really affected me. I said what affected me was impatience, ignorance and arrogance. And if I could overcome those three.

Subconscious programs, if you will, right. Or even some cases, conscious programming, then I can make something happen. And then I also realized we were talking about this earlier with the, with the matrix piece with, you know, with. I think you put it in Awaken in phase two, where you become aware, almost aware of the machine, right? The, the, the external forces that are selling you a bill, bill of goods that believe it or not, you can choose to accept or not accept, right? The most successful people on the planet that I'm aware of, rarely have they went to college the, the full entire time. Okay? Most of them at some point in time said, hey, look, this system doesn't work. I have an idea that I think it will build a better system and they go out and kill it.

It.

There's no financial literacy training in schools, right? Why we're decades upon decades upon decades upon decades upon decades in. We know that financial literacy is important. We know the vast majority of folks are in debt. They're not living their best life, they're unhealthy, they're in broken relationships. There's the. And I just got to the point I was asking why, right? My father used to. My audience has heard this a thousand times, but I'll share it with you. My father had this thing when he lost his first business. I was probably 15 or 16 years old. I. My dad was in my life around age 12 and up around 11. 12 is when he first came back into my life because he had his own struggles for a while, but I remember he lost his first business. I was probably again 15 or 16 years old. He comes to me, he's got tears in his eyes. He just walks up and he goes, stephen, I don't want you to ever forget. The Skoggins don't get ahead. They get by.

Think about that.

Wow.

How many of us are actually walking around.

With a limiting belief that we chose to believe or a limiting lie that we chose? Dude, it was a decade before I even remembered that. I had heard that when I was a kid and then began to work on the, the reprogramming, if you will, because I, I realized a Long time ago that either you are being programmed or you're programming yourself. You know, and that's one of the reasons I like your work so much, because you obviously anchor in on, hey, you program yourself and you perform. Let's get this going.

Yeah. And like the first off, that's a. A really powerful realization and just exemplifies, like, everything we're talking about. Like, I love how you say, like, we're either, you know, being programmed or we are running the. Or we are. What? What did you say, Steven?

Just, we're programming ourselves. We're. We're choosing who to listen to, what to do, what steps we take, rather than running on that subconscious program that was kind of put in front of us or whatever before.

Yeah. So I. Look, look, I. I would say the important thing to recognize and understand, like, everything changed when I realized that I am wired to validate my internal beliefs in the external world. Like, that's how our subconscious works. It just wants to do what's familiar. Okay. And that's what the ego loves too, because the ego loves to. Which is our self identity. Our ego and our subconscious loves to just confirm its opinion about itself. And if you think about it, why would that. If we're wired for survival, what better way to stay safe and survive than to just continue doing what we've always done that's brought us to safety and survival today? So I don't know if you've heard this, but a lot of people, and I'm more so talking to your audience, where our psychology will choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven. Right? So, like, just know that that unfamiliar heaven is where the gold is. You got to step into that. And, and if you step into it with enough repetition, then you reprogram that subconscious that you have. That's how you rewire and reprogram and recondition your subconscious, is through repetition. That's how you gained those beliefs and that pattern and programming in the first place. So what I would say is, yeah, you're either reprogramming and building that new pattern that is leading you to the unfamiliar heaven that will eventually become familiar if you do it for long enough, or you're running off that old pattern that is just completely and entirely only concerning itself with survival, safety, and being comfortable. And for the first time in history, we live in a world where it's not enough to survive. You know, maybe if you live in North Korea or like, but if you're listening to this podcast, you live in the west, the western world. Like, yeah, Things are messed up, but, my God, we've never had more abundance and opportunities to actually step into that unfamiliar heaven and honestly get whatever we want. And just the last point here, Steven, is like, the biggest thing that I see with entrepreneurs, because we have an academy that helps people build businesses as well, too. And the biggest thing that I see people come into is. Or I guess a trap that they fall into is they are just so afraid to get judged, criticized, abandoned, rejected, and shamed. And by, like, no shame or judgment to them, because I was there as well, too. And look, I still have those internal patterns that come up. What is the difference between people who actually go out and make it and build a business and those who don't? I am able to feel. I was able to feel the fear, be able to see it, observe it, and do it anyways. Okay? Everything in our conditioning, in our society will tell you that it's crazy to cold call and to get on sales calls and to ask for lots of money and to step out and put yourself out there on social media and to knock on doors to. To ask to go get. You know, fail to invest in things and to. To put some money on the line sometimes for a return in the future to. To. To partner with people and have strategic collaborations of partnership. Like, all of these things go against that wiring. And it's those who actually. And you got to be smart, no question. Right. But for those who actually have. By the way, what is that called when you feel the fear and do it anyways? It's called courage. My favorite C word. If you have the courage to do that, then on a long enough time horizon, it's just a matter of time before you're gonna win. In business.

Yeah, they say that. They say the only difference between a winner and someone. Someone who wins and someone who doesn't is the winner never gives up.

Yeah. Persistence.

I have something, like I say, you pivot till it becomes possible. Like, you just. This way, didn't work. Okay, great. You pivot again. Okay. This didn't. Okay. And you'll. You will eventually find your way. It also had me thinking a little about the end and the intensity of tension. I'll give you. This is a relationship example.

So I've been married twice, divorced twice. First person I married, I should never marry to begin with. Friends, family, we just. We were dumb. Okay. Second marriage. I thought I married at the time. My. My one and only soulmate had a great marriage for years on end.

And she ended up developing a bunch of health issues. And I I think my opinion is that she developed some other mental acuity, things that ultimately determine the. The ending of the marriage. And I, I may be wrong, but that's just kind of the. The experience. Meanwhile, I go and meet a wonderful human being and female that I've been now seeing for almost a year.

Relationship, super easy, get along, similar values, stuff's humming along, all this kind of stuff, right? And ultimately you start thinking again. Okay, well, you know, this is. This is amazing. What, you know, what are the. What are the commitment steps and stuff like that. And of course, with two marriages that didn't work out in my favor. Both of them were expensive because of kind of my net worth at the time in both locations. And you're thinking, I don't want to go through that pain again. And then you got to. On the other hand, you've got somebody that hasn't done any wrongdoing, that hasn't done giving you any reason for, you know, to believe that anything be bad at the same time. But the middle marriage was also one that, like, should have worked out but didn't because of illness, basically. So you're like, well, so. And the reason I bring that up is because to go from a limiting belief just to eventually align yourself with a. A partner, if you will, a lifetime partner that, you know, inevitably would work out, you still have to overcome the past two experiences. And for me, I can't speak for everybody, but for me, in that window, there is an intense tension where I am, where I physically physiological, feel.

A certain level of fear and, and sadness and scarcity early on. I'm past that. That window now. I went online and caught up the dark night of the soul, because I figured the dark night of the soul, to me, is that tension. It's the intensity of the tension. It's the. The rebirth, if you will. And it seems like the rebirth is always most painful just before the birth occurs, you know, So I don't know. I hope I phrase this appropriately, but is there a way to kind of like, maybe talk about the intensity of the tension? Have you experienced that? One, and then two. What can we do to help our listeners and our viewers overcome that tension? Because now you overcome the tendency of tension. Now it's beautiful again.

First off, yeah, I want to go back to what you said, pivot until it's possible. I love that. I mean, what a good framework to go off of. And that's really, you know, similar to what Winston Churchill said, where he said, success is going from failure to failure without the loss of enthusiasm. Like that's, that's, I mean man, like is there a goal? And you know, I'll throw out the Alex Hormozy quote that I always love. He says, you know, you build confidence by building a stack of undeniable proof that you are who you say you are. So it's like, you know, outwork your self doubt.

Yeah.

Like, like yes, you have self doubt. Yes, you have that anti you inside of you. It's. Are you really going to listen? And it's the recognition that like Viktor Frankl says, your freedom lies between stimulus and response. So like there's a space when you observe that and in that space lies your ability to respond.

Yeah.

And in your response lies your ability to, to have your growth and your freedom. So it's like, you know, look at the end of the day it's to recognize that that's the wiring that we go off of now to go back to like your marriages and, and you know, I, I actually haven't been married. But if we're speaking about relationships, you know, when I was very young and impressionable and my subconscious was still very much, you know, being wired because it actually, you know, is primarily wired from 0 to 6. That's the time frame in which it gets, you know, wired more than any other time frame. And then from 6 till about 35 and then it's, and then it's essentially set, you know, with minor variances. But.

You know, I dated my first love ever. I did just fell like madly in love from grade nine till college, so four years. You know, our families became very tight. They're still tight to this day actually. And like, like she was my world, my everything. And I was so young and like it was, she was literally not an additive to my life. She was the whole thing. Right. It was that a whole unhealthy type of relationship because I was deeply insecure as well too. And I actually, I actually ended up like pretty much catching them red handed. Like you know, that she was with someone else and man, did that do a number on me.

So I've been there.

Yeah. So like, and then my other relationships, my other two ones were really difficult endings as well too. So I would say that although I'm trying to get away from this word because I think it's kind of all some people in the personal growth space can talk about these days. But essentially what I would consider to have happened to myself and if I can be so bold to say that it happened with you, evidently is it just creates this wound Right within us. Like it's this wound, it's this abandonment wound. It's this, it's this rejection. It's this. Or just failure in a relationship wound.

It's.

It's being in love with someone and then being betrayed or whatever it was. Fill in the blank word and then it's a wound. Now again to go back to what we're, how we're wired, if we. Like, your, your wiring doesn't, your subconscious doesn't know that we're not in actual danger. Like, because it's so highly emotional, it actually treats it as life or death. It thinks, oh my God, you're in trouble. You know, because if something is this negative emotionally, it must be something we got to pay attention to. So this is where self sabotage comes in. Guess what I did after that relationship that I had this really big abandonment wound that got created within my subconscious. Guess what happened after that? Well, I was so effing afraid to be abandoned going forward that what would I do? I would self sabotage. As soon as something would go good. As soon as I would be in love or start to fall in love or go on even a couple dates with someone that was promising, my subconscious, which I run off of 90 to 95% of the time, would go on red alert and say, essentially, you falling in love equals being vulnerable to abandonment and rejection. And the way our subconscious does is it doesn't care about your happiness. The way it thinks is it's like, well, yeah, I may not be happy, so I may as well throw this away, but at least I know what I'm going to get. And what I'm going to get is I know I'm not going to be abandoned. So what I would do is I would actually push these women away even though it was going great. So again, if you're conscious of those patterns and how you self sabotage your wounds, insecurities, if you're conscious of them, then you cannot unconsciously react to them. You can actually choose to consciously respond and you can actually like. And this is how I approach my relationships now, is I'll tell them we'll be on the third date and I'll say like, well, that sounds like a date. I'm a serial dater. I'm just saying, like, if, if I'm on a date or if I'm starting something, starting to go well, and I'm starting to date someone and we're on the third date and I'm getting a little scared and like my subconscious, I can tell, is trying to tell Me to sabotage or push this away or be avoidant and like, you know, because I'm scared, I'll literally tell her, I'll be like, hey, want to know something? Here's what's coming up for me right now. This is the past, this is what. And, and that's just what it takes to be a winner is like, you got to be able to communicate, you got to be able to see your internal patterns, communicate them and, you know, that's how I deal with it now.

Yeah, no, and I think that's, that's such good insight because I feel like most of us, I, it's funny, I, I would say that a lot of, there are a lot of folks who are six year olds, so operating in 50, 60, 70 year old bodies, right. Some of the, some of our clients are some of the wealthiest people in, in a lot of different genres. Many of them are super successful, they're wealthy, they're wise, their family lives are great. And there's others that are just, they've earned all this money and they have all this stuff, but they basically will fill their house up with houses up with people to have events and gatherings just because they don't want to be alone, but yet they won't open themselves up after their own wounds to partner themselves with someone else. You know, to have that kind of, that intimate level of connection. And I see it a lot and I, what makes me think of, it's like.

That'S why I was asking the question earlier about Catalyst, right? Because I, you know, somebody asked me a long time ago, what, you know, you sold your business, you did whatever, you know, what do you want to, what do you, what do you want your legacy to be? And I said, well, I want to be Steve Meyer to as many people as possible. So Steve Meyer was the guy that unlocked me or got me going. You got me thinking differently, right? He unwound that conversation that I have, my father, by asking me a couple of questions. My audience has heard it a thousand times, but the first one was, what is the difference between a rich man and a poor man? And I said, money. He said, no, it's the way they think. And then he said his follow up question was, do you want to learn to think like me or do you want to continue thinking like your father? Which already implied a program or programming of sorts. And it's, it's funny how awakening another human being comes across in different capacities. For me, if I'm in a, a group of people, a lot of times, what will happen Is for some reason I'll feel compelled or called to somebody to talk to somebody. And then you end up having a very beautiful conversation and you know, they're. And they're able to walk away, you know, quote unquote, one level happy, if you want to call it a level. But, you know, but one, one level. One level more aware than they were when they first got there. With the work that you've been doing, and especially this, especially you've been so successful at it, has there been a specific commonality that you've seen amongst a lot of the folks that you work with that have really help identify where most people are struggling in this, this true awakening phase?

Man, that's such a good question.

There's a lot. But I mean if I have to really narrow it down to the commonality.

Dude.

People are truly just afraid. They really are, you know, and, and we all have fears of different things. I think at a high level we could talk about how our fears are very similar. But like, you know, some people are, you know, afraid that they're not smart enough or afraid that they're not, you know, significant enough or afraid that they're not going to be rich enough or they're afraid that, that.

They'Re going to get rejected or they're afraid of being seen or afraid of getting judged or not seen. Yeah, the list goes on. We all kind of, again, based on our environments and our experiences, we just all have different fears.

And I think that again, there's two types of people in this world, Steven. There's people who are aware of that and then there's people who are asleep to that, you know, and I think the majority of people in society are just asleep to that. Therefore, it's just the program they run off of. And all their thoughts, ideas, actions and emotions are just predicated on that, those internal fears. And they're not even consciously waking up to be able to be the observer of that. And again, that goes back to the know thyself. So I think what I love about like, you know, our programs and our communities that we have, you know, we just have people who are willing to awaken to that. Now I'm going to be honest and I like anyone who has a program and is a coach like myself would, would affirm the same that even people who make the decision to work with us, who choose to say, I'm going to go through this program and I'm going to know thyself, I'm going to be aware of that anti you that part of Me, and then I'm going to take the action and the behaviors that are necessary to, to not be controlled by that. Even a lot of those people will at some point give up and fall right back into the same unconscious pattern and programming because it's a familiar hell. Yeah, you know, at least I'm not going to be happy, but at least I know what I'm going to get. Like, just know that that is how we are wired. And I think that that's truly what I would say. And you know, you mentioned, like, it's just the difference between those who get it and those who don't is, is just sheer not giving up. Like, and that's what Steve Jobs said, you know, whether you like him or not, you can't deny that the guy did some epic in this world. And, you know, he said, I'm absolutely convinced, I'm paraphrasing, but something along the lines of, like, I'm absolutely convinced that the entrepreneurs who make it as opposed to those who don't. It just, just comes down to sheer persistence. And I'm telling you right now, if you want to build a business or you have something extraordinary you want to accomplish, and you're listening to this, I'm telling you right now, as cliche or as like, seriously, that's what you're going to tell me. As it sounds, truly, it's. If you are willing to just never give up, like, that is the catalyst. And I'm not perfect, man. I truly, like, there's. I have so many weaknesses and shortcomings and flaws, and my journey has been so scrappy.

I'd be embarrassed if someone saw like my whole journey day by day, because it's been very scrappy. But I'm telling you right now, Steven, like, and for those listening, like, the one thing I do have is I just will not give up, man. Like, I, I will die trying. I, like, truly my mission and, and, and this me being of service and my North Star of building my business and continuing to execute it and grow it. And scale is. And money's a part of that because, you know, I know how to use money now. I know how to use it so that it actually does increase happiness and fulfillment. Right. Anyone who says money doesn't buy happiness just doesn't know how to use it. Yeah, right. It's a tool and it's an amplifier as well, too. So if you already have a good foundation, it's just going to amplify that. But, but men, truly, I just will not give up. And something Tells me that you're right there with me, brother. And that's just the message. It's been my life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guys, look, everybody watching. Listen, right now, once you go visit, visit Kaylor bets.com you can get a better understanding about him as well of his courses and all the different things he's got cooking. Definitely check out his podcast. But in the meantime, I got one final question for you, and I think this is pretty important. What role has empathy played in unlocking yourself and other people?

Oh, man, what a question.

I think that empathy keeps me grounded.

And what I mean by that is, man, if I wasn't an empathetic person.

I have a lot of shortcomings and flaws, but I'm, you know, I'm a good salesman. I, I, I've developed great communication skills. I've learned about human psychology. I know how to influence.

You know, I think charisma is a strength of mine. I think that, you know, content messaging, branding, marketing, and I think all of those things are really powerful tools. And just like any powerful tool, they can be used for incredible good, but they can also be used for incredible bad. And I think that because I have empathy, it makes me utilize those very powerful tools. I'm sure I'm not perfect on this, but vastly and largely for the good of the world as opposed. And I think that's really one of the biggest decisions we have as humans is are we going to use.

The tools we have and the value we can bring, or can we use it for good or bad? I mean, that's ultimately the biggest decision. So I think empathy.

Keeps me grounded and keeps me on the path of making this world a better place as opposed to maybe using some of those skills more so for like a selfish endeavor.

Yeah, dude, that's so good. I just one, just one one final piggyback thought I discovered a long time ago. There's a final, there's a fine line between influence and manipulation.

Yeah.

And it always comes down to intent. Those who choose to manipulate are offering are operating from selfish intent. Those who are choosing to operate in an influential category are often operating from a selfless intent. And for me, it seems like the empathy of just putting yourself in their shoes for a hot minute or seeing yourself through empathetic eyes. And both of those places put us put a certain level of humility. Of all the guests that we've had on the show, we've Obviously we're pushing 250 plus episodes now, which is fantastic. A lot of, a lot of wonderful guests like Yourself, I can count on my hand. And you are one of these people.

Whose honest transparency and authenticity actually truly showcases what it means to be humbly confident and then how to utilize that in a empathetic but yet influential way. So I just want to share that with you because I sincerely enjoy the work that you're doing, and I do encourage the audience to go learn more, follow course whatever they feel compelled to do, because you do care, and I believe you care because you had to, because it was scrappy success. But in the audience needs to understand that scrappy success is still success, you know, so whatever it takes to help you kind of win that day, I think is the big deal.

Oh, man. Yeah. I couldn't appreciate that more. That means a lot to me because, man, you know this. You put your blood, sweat, and tears into what we do, and, man, some days you're just like, does it even matter? Should I just go? You know, there's been so many times on my journey where I'm like, should I just go sell cars or something, man? You know, and, yeah, so it. It means a lot. And look, I'm not perfect by any means, but, yeah, I. I really. It does come down to intention. And, you know, at the end of the day, we're trying to. We're trying to save lives because there's a lot of darkness out there and there's a lot of people really struggling. And as someone who's been through hell and back in his own life, I think that's what gives me empathy, is I know what it's like to be at the bottom and. And, man, it's. Yeah, the money's great, and followers are cool, and we all have egos and stuff. I'm not going to deny that, you know, it's not a part of it, but, man, there is nothing better than truly taking someone from where they're at on their Hell island and being the boat of the bridge that gets them from Hell island to have an island like it's. And just. And just winning, man, there's. There's nothing that. You ever seen the Pursuit of Happiness.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's one of my favorite movies.

That is the only movie that, like, I'm not a crier in movies, but that movie will make me tear up more than any other movie. Why? Because the whole movie, you're watching him go through hell with his son, and then he finally gets the gig at the end, and, man, that just. Man, I could cry just talking about it. So, anyways, thank you, Stephen. This was Absolutely.

Well, I got one more piggyback. Just because we got Pursuit of Happiness, he got. He got the opportunity because he kept putting himself out there.

Yes.

Hopping in the dude's limo with the. With the Rubik's Cube and the whole. Anyway, people, go watch the movie, too. But, Kaylor, man, thank you so much for coming on the show. Dude, we can do this. Chop this up anytime, man.

Yeah. I love it. Thank you.

All right. Take it easy, buddy. See you.

You, too.

I hope you liked that video. And if you did, make sure you check out this next video right here.

One of the cornerstones of being remarkable is a growth mindset. And a growth mindset means you learn new skills, you learn new subjects. You know, you. You. You change, you grow.