Taking Charge of our Influences

Welcome back, everybody. As you notice, there's a little bit different of an introduction on today's JP Radio show. There's no music, no headbanging just yet. That's because Brian is working on an awesome intro video that actually makes us look pretty good. Thanks, buddy. He does everything he can to make us look pretty good. Well, today's radio show is all about the five influences that every single one of us will face. And I'm here with my friend, Tanya Sharma. Sharma. Did I say it right?

Sharma.

Sharma. I met Tanya on a complete whim. I was out looking at different venues in the area for our upcoming live event and lo and behold, I run into this event coordinator, event planner, this person that is all knowing event world. That was Tarna. So we started talking about, what does JP do?

What are we all about? What is Steven Scoggins all about? And his team, what do they do? So I gave her the very short, maybe, I don't know, two minute version of what went on. And the words out of her mouth was, this sounds like I need to know you. Okay, well, nice to meet you. So we started talking and come to find out my friend Tanya here leads a life that honestly would. It would really, really be hard for a lot of us, even me personally, to do what she's done, make the choices that she's done. But I tell you, she's thriving because of it. So a little bit about her backstory. I won't tell too much because she tells it way better than me because it's your story. She was born in India, moved in several different countries, obviously, and lived in the States for 10 years. Right? Lived in the States for 10 years. But the coolest. Not the coolest, but one of the things that stuck out to me the most was that she was pressured to go into medical school. Right? Her life was kind of planned for her, if you will. You're going to be a doctor, you're going to do this and this and this. She did all that. She became a doctor and then she decided to do something completely different, get into the event space. Now you're probably thinking the same thing I was thinking at the same time. Like, I don't know if the event takes place as much as the doctor does, but she didn't care. She was following something that she was passionate about. She was following something that she really, really enjoyed doing because she knew that she went to school, went to work every day as a doctor, that she would not be happy like she is today. Tanya, that was just a really really brief introduction, but thank you for being here with us today.

Thank you so much. And yes, that is true that I've been to different places and I was born in Libya, actually.

Libya. I'm sorry.

Yes, that's okay. Because it's all so complicated.

You've been a lot of places.

Yes, I've been to a lot of places. And yes, that's true that I'm here right now. And I did my med school and then when I was writing my step one and all of that, I watched a show on tv and I was just so much in like, wow, I can't believe that this is a profession that I just never knew of that, you know, someone could be an event planner. And I just decided that, okay, I'm going to open my business. And this is exactly what I wanted to do all my life.

Yeah.

And I called it a course. It was a struggle, definitely, that, you know, moving from one commitment to another and then, you know, lots of questions from people around me, is it the right decision? And then, yes, having a successful business for last four years and a book and a lot of other businesses that I'm supporting. So it's been great journey.

So you just heard it. She said it herself. It's been a great journey. Well, she gave you the 150,000 for you of the story that I know. But we're going to unpack that story today because, ladies and gentlemen, the reason I invited her out to become a part of our JP team or part of our JP family and talk about the five influences today is because she overcame a lot of those influences and now she's. She's still influenced because we're all influenced, but now she's doing it in a smart way, in a healthy way that's supporting her. So the five influences that we all face are parental, environmental, relational, situational, and the one that I call the sneaky attack subliminal. Now, you said that in your journey you made that decision to move away from the medical career to this newfound. I didn't even know we could do this invent thing career. You said it wasn't easy. I know it wasn't easy, but can you tell the audience a little bit more about that background that. That type of environment that you grew up in and why that decision wasn't easy.

So I'll probably start with first the parental. And I would really like to start all my conversation with positive influence first and then talk about what did not work. So starting from the positive that as I told you that I was Born in Libya and my father, like my parents, are doctors and they were serving there in that country. And he was also like a professor there in the university and teach apart from see patients and all of that.

Oh, wow.

So that was the first positive influence that, you know, my parents made a decision to leave their own comfort zone and go to a different country and serve where it is required since day one. That's a positive influence. And I choose to carry that till today. That okay, if I could be like him.

Yeah.

And, you know, if I could, you know, think so much about people around me and not be biased based on country, based on religion, based on culture, where you are. His sole purpose was just to serve people around him.

I love that.

Get that idea really clear.

Yeah.

No matter where you are, if you see that someone isn't help, you just go and do it.

That's so beautiful.

It just, you know, you never have to limit yourself. I'm going to serve my own country or my own people.

Right.

Or I'm just gonna be within my religion or be within my neighborhood. So he stepped up for something really good, and that's what I carry till day.

It taught you such a good foundational value and core character. I love that. That's so beautiful. We could stop the show right now. That would be enough. Because people, honestly, that is one thing that this world needs, especially the United States, especially during election season. Thank goodness that is over. But you're right. I mean, no matter where you are, you can positively impact someone.

Yes, that is true. And I think that gave me the confidence as well. No matter in which geography or which part of the world I am, if I can make that connect by simple communication with other fellow human being, that's good enough. And not necessarily you have to be, you know, part of their language or culture or religion in order to serve them. So now going to how it affected me the other way. Yes. That now that they have this expectation from me that what they have been doing is definitely a great cause and I just should follow their path. And that's think. Okay if they're thinking that way. But this path of just being a doctor and then serving is kind of that I debated in my head for years and years to come.

And why did you debate it?

Yes, because while I was doing, I think initially right in my high school, I just knew that this is not for me.

Sure.

Because I wanted to definitely help and serve people around me, but probably in a different way, different fashion. Yes. I had just other means in my head going on Like, I would love to work with children, I would love to work with dogs and cats. As I have told you, I have a rescue dog with me. So that's where I was kind of heading rather than actually, you know, carrying out this profession and then serving like this. So initially I was really vocal about it when I had to make a decision whether I wanted to go to a med school or not. But, you know, this was the debate that the end goal is set, same that serving, you know, without any pretense. But the path that I have to reach that goal. Can I just have my own path? Can I just, you know, choose my own version rather than duplicating, you know, someone else's version?

I say yes, but I don't think that's what happened.

Yes, that's. Yes. So that was the initial struggle with me. And it went on to a point that it turned into, you know, societal thoughts and societal attempts. And that further led into lack of confidence and then also attention seeking behavior. Because how it was, why it led to the societal attempts or thoughts was that I was not able to express myself enough at times. You know, we meet people that you are just not able to say no or, you know, push the person or the situation away. And I was in that situation where I couldn't say no. And I just kept it within myself for years and, you know, trying to adjust around it. And one of my, probably the last incidents, you know, I had two things going on in my mind. The first one, I clearly understood that God or the higher power, he wants me here. It's not in my hands.

That was going through your mind?

Yes.

Before or after?

After.

Okay.

After the attempt.

Yeah.

It just, you know, occurred to me that I'm still here. Happened to me. Everything is just fine. So clearly there is someone higher. You know, they're up there just, you know, telling me that, no, there's still plans. Yes, there's something more that you got to do and you figure it out. And then that led to the other question that the higher power there is not telling me what that plan is. What does that mean? That means that I have to leave my own plan because he's not telling me, hey, Tanya, do this. This is for you. I know that you're not required with me as if now, but this is the plan for you. He's not telling me. So who's telling me my plan? I think I need to figure out my own plan. Yeah, that this is my plan. And that's when I started working on my own plan. To figure out what that is.

How old were you? When this new plan. You started working on your new plan, how old were you?

It was just after I finished my med school, and I had some, you know, gap in my life to think, and I think I was old enough, like, early 20s.

Mid 20s.

Yeah, mid-20s.

Okay. So adults. You're an adult at this point. Yeah.

Yes. So the entire high school, the entire med school, I was just going with the flow, like, what everybody expects out of me. You know, these are my family, my neighborhood, my friends. And this is what is expected out of me. And I was just, you know, pushing myself. Pushing myself.

Pushing yourself for someone else, but also pushing your true self aside.

Yes, that is right. And then finally, when it was just so overwhelming for me, I just sat down and just thought through it, because things are clearly not working because I'm still here. I'm not dying. So what am I supposed to do next? I have to figure it out whether I just keep doing what I'm doing as I expected out of me, or I should just at least experiment with what I can do. Otherwise, will I be able to survive? So there the question is, let me experiment. If I fail, I would know that I failed because of me. And what they were saying were right about me. Probably that is the best bet. But if I succeed, whatever my definition of success is.

Yeah.

If I succeed, then I know, oh, I can do this on my own.

Yeah.

And this is exactly what I wanted.

Yeah.

So from there, from these two questions that came in my mind, that God has a plan.

Yep.

He's not telling me the plan. I need to figure my own plan.

Yeah.

And then the next was, okay, what to do next.

Yeah.

And just I started analyzing myself more then.

Yeah.

What other things I can do. If I ever thought in my life that, okay, I would fly a plane, then I can paint, I can write. I started writing when I was in fifth grade and. And what else? Like, I thought to myself that I want to be in a happy place, probably.

Yeah.

And where, you know, people are happy, cheerful, supportive, you know, that's their best day of their life.

Yeah.

And that I think what led, you know, me to the event planning.

Yeah.

That they're, you know, we are kind of part of their. One of the best moments in their life.

True. Especially weddings, right?

Yes.

The best day. Supposed to be the best day. Exactly.

Yes. The happiest moment, you know, in entire lifetime is the wedding, the sweet sixteens or the first birthdays and all of that.

Yeah.

And I was thinking that, yes, this is it, this is for me and this is what I wanted to do. And then I started to, you know, cultivate my own other hobbies into businesses. Because soon I realized, oh, I think.

I'm a businesswoman, I might be good at.

I never knew about this thing like myself, that, yeah, if I can pull off one business and then two and then three and then four, I think I can do more.

Why not? Why not?

Why not?

Exactly.

And it's just, I'm just growing after that. I'm just learning new things. Well, had a book out.

And you did have a book. A successful launch. It was incredible to watch that on Facebook.

Thank you. So just being going in that direction. So I think from parental. I strongly believe that when a child is born, the first influence that you have, whether positive or negative, is through parents. And if that is done in kind of a right direction, it might help a lot of young adults. Because when I started my business and I became more vocal about what my journey is, I met lot of young girls who I feel like are in the similar situation that I was at UNC Greensboro for two years and you know, talking about my business, how it's a success story.

Yeah.

And then in la, I was at a symposium just in June that I talked about. And every single time, you know, there's just one this person, a young person who would just be break down and just say, I wish my family, you know, accepted me more than what it is. I would have done more out of my life. I just don't want, you know, I probably, I wish that I don't meet any such stories because that's what I want.

Right.

You know, that young adult should not feel this way, that they're not accepted. And in part of my journey, I realized that before I started living to other people's expectations, it will be best if I live up to my own expectations.

That boom, this is mic drop moment.

Love that if I can't live what I want, you know, with myself, how can I live perfect or you know, deliver 100% with what others are expecting out of me? It's not possible.

Because little known secret. That's not possible.

Yes.

To be a hundred percent other people's expectations.

I mean, can I be hundred percent of me? I don't think so. I can be because I'm like a pinner. I do so many things. First is like to figure out what I can be best at.

Exactly.

And then probably, you know, talk more exactly what others are expecting.

Here's a little. Here's a little nugget for you, a little piece of fact that you said before you thought right after the incident of taking your own life. And then if I remember correctly from your story, this was your fifth attempt.

I think so. I have numerous, numerous attempts. I've stopped counting it.

You thought you had the question come across. Okay, obviously God is not done with me yet. Second question. What is the purpose of me being here?

Right.

Okay.

I need to find my purpose.

I think so. A couple things.

You will always be seeking that purpose. And then when you level up to the next level, you'll go through some more struggle, some more adversity, some shaping, some molding. It's kind of like a gladiator training. You know, if you throw him into the ring as a bean pole, he's going to get beaten up. But eventually he figures out, I got to lift some weights, I got to do some, well, gladiators, I guess they left rocks back then. I don't know. Something I got to get stronger, got to get bigger, get beefier. I got to get more agile. And eventually he grows into this, what we see as a perfect gladiator. But all the adversity he had to go through to get to that spot. Is it possible that you had to go through those things so you could be prepared to talk to those people at those events?

True. That's honestly a good question. Because you can relate to them. Yes, that is true as well. So I do not have a perfect answer because now when I look back, I feel like two of the incidents that I just talked about to you, you know, when you were chatting, that one was near death experience. And then is this, you know, my own attempts. Why do we have to reach to a position like this?

Why don't we have to get so low? So that's that point. Why do we have to get so far?

Yes.

Realize it.

Why didn't I realize it way before? Probably when I was in high school or when I was, you know, in college. And when I meet others as well, I feel the same, that why do we reach to that darkest, deepest place to have this realization? Why it doesn't occur way before from my.

From my personal experience. It comes from the exact topics that we're talking about right now. Influences. Right. We talk about the five types of influences, whether they're positive or negative. Right. She shared her story about how her parental influences. Well, that was a very strong influence of go to medical school, serve people this fashion. That really wasn't who she was. And it was a Big struggle for her, for all of her life. I mean, you told me earlier that your childhood days, you like to write, but you weren't encouraged to write. You were encouraged to study. You're encouraged to do good in school. So that's an influence, right? That suppression of influence. Same thing goes on the flip side of the coin there. If you have that dark moment and you say that, well, how come we have to go so far into the dark rabbit hole before we realize, gosh, I need some help, I need a different direction. Same thing can be said about the positive influences, even, like, relational. So if you had a positive relational influence at that point, maybe a friend, maybe a mentor, maybe someone that just recognized, okay, something's off with Tanya. I need to talk to Tanya. That's where that shift of direction comes into. Right. And the positive side. So you talked about your parental influence. That can also bleed into the environmental insurance. Right, Insurance influence, your environmental. Let's talk about that for a second. So your environmental influence back then compared to now, because that shift. I kind of view you. This is kind of the way. The best way I described you to my wife Nikki is like, you imagine a parking lot, a black asphalt parking lot. And in there, in that parking lot, there's a crack, and then there comes a plant. Not a weed. It's not a piece of crabgrass. It's a flower that pushed through the environment. The place it was born, place it was grown, pushed through all that to become something different, something new, something exciting.

How did your environmental influence, from your childhood to your shift to now, this plant growing through parking lot, how did that really shape you and into who you are today? Especially the author?

Okay. I think it has a lot to do with. It's sad to say, but where the country you are in. I definitely say it's sad to say because I know that there are different parts of the world. If I put myself, last four years of me in different parts of the world, and I question myself that, would I have been able to open my business so easy?

Yeah.

Would I be able to actually.

Write a book and then publish it?

The answer to it is probably no. Probably. If I look back to my birth country as of today, if I was there, if I was still there, would any of this be possible? Sadly, no.

Probably not.

The answer is no. So I think, you know, the country where you are in those boundaries, I think that itself shapes a lot of things.

Sure.

And then definitely comes the parenting and the school that you go, the college and the professors and the neighborhood that you live in all of those things. Effect eventually. But yes, the borders. Yes, it does. I think my story probably would have been 10 different versions if I was in 10 different countries. If I place myself there.

Yeah.

So definitely. I feel like an environment is like a key thing.

Yeah. I've often thought that sometimes, like, okay, what would Josh be like if I was born in Russia? If I was born in Australia? What would my life be like? And no, I'm not going to do an Australian accent. You're welcome. What would it be like? And honestly, I catch myself thinking that, and I think, you know, well, that's just for fun. I'm where I'm supposed to be because God placed me here, so I need to bloom where I'm planted.

Right. But there's one basic thing. When I was thinking about this influence, I always struggle with one thing, and that could be in any country, any religion, any culture, you know, wherever the humans are existing. It could be anywhere.

Okay.

That's the basic difference between a girl child and a boy.

A girl child and a boy. Okay.

Yes. I have seen that this everywhere. I know that you have a son.

Yes.

So here we go. See, like, when he was born, what would you think? Like, what would you imagine it to be like? Would grow up and probably play football, soccer or basketball or things like that.

Or eat things off the ground.

How many of us would actually think, he's going to be a chef or he's going to be an astronaut. Oh, he's going to be a painter. I'm so sure he's going to be a painter. And then when we have a girl child, certain things are expected, like she should be doing laundry or she should know how to cook. I mean, if a girl child. I mean, if a girl. Young girl in college, if she doesn't know how to cook, there's something wrong with her. And if there is a young male adult in college, he doesn't cook, it's okay.

It's acceptable to bring loads of laundry home to mom.

Exactly.

You're on a point. You're on a good point here.

Yes. I've seen, like, I've observed a lot of such small things. I was at a dry cleaning place and a mom comes in and he gets a big, you know, quilled and comforter and all of that, and she just drops and, oh, my God, my son, he didn't clean it for six months. So I'm like, what if it was a girl?

Yeah.

How many times have I seen a mom coming in and saying, oh, my girl didn't clean it for six months. I'm dropping it off, you know.

Yeah.

On behalf of her. That never happens.

You're right. I think that is a little bit of how people are raised in their environment, because it's universal.

This concept is, like, universal of the same thing.

And ladies are kind of expected to know how to cook, know how to do these things. I was actually in a conversation with my wife earlier, and she was like, yeah, it just comes naturally to your mom to cook and this, that, and the other. So, yeah, you're right. I mean, it is all about the environment that we're raised in. And just because I'm raised, say I was born in Tennessee, you see this and you observe this from people that were raised in different parts of even the US that have the same thing. So the environmental influence, like you said, it's not just the people in your house that you're raised with. It's the neighbors, it's the churches, the schools, the soccer teams. It's those environmental things that can really shape you. Right. So I don't know. I mean, I have met a few key individuals who, like, refused to be like that stereotypical guy, stereotypical woman. And I think that comes from knowing them and their story. I think it just comes from being rebellious. Like, it was so suppressed on them. Like, the young lady I'm thinking about, she was so expected to be the Stepford housewife that when away from the Stepford housewife, environmental influence, she rebelled the other direction. Right. As a way to kind of. Kind of get back. That's a good point. That's a good point. So your. Your environment that you grew up in was a good environment. Your family did great things for other people. They were doctors. Doctors Without Borders, Right?

Yes.

Phenomenal organization with phenomenal people doing great things in the world. Just wish we had a lot more people with that big a heart. But you changed your environment. You moved away.

Why did you move away? Why did you say, pack your bags and off on your own voyage? Why did you do that?

I think a lot of those decisions, if I look back, it was actually made by my parents, but I can probably reflect to the thoughts what most of the immigrants would have and, you know, just combine and sum up their thoughts, because I would probably not be the true representation of it, but what I would say is that just so that the environment in different parts of the world is just so suppressed and, you know, they're not given the right opportunity to bloom or to show their maximum capacity, capabilities or abilities that they have within them.

Yeah.

They just tend to realize that, okay, this is a negative influence for me that exactly what you were talking about. And I can grow more if I am in a different part of the world. And, you know, that's why they have been, you know, traveling to different places and even come here in United States just so to see the change. Live the American dream. Yeah, that's all we dream about. Just live that dream and what that living that dream is.

Yeah.

Actually just being the best of you, what you can be. I think it just comes down to that.

See, that's so beautiful that you would describe it that way.

That really is a beautiful way to think about it. I agree with you 100%. But if you ask someone else, like, what do you think the American dream is? You ask an American what they think the American dream is, you will get a lot of different answers. I'm not going to stereotype all Americans into one thing, but you will get a lot of answers. Some of those could be the American dream is to own my own business, have the freedom to do what I want when I want, be my own boss, have a house on a hill, white picket fence, a dog.

I've heard that.

Which they don't even have white picket fences anymore, which is kind of silly. Just hop right over those things. But that's like the old school way of thinking of the American dream. You just described it differently.

Yes.

You described it the way that we're trying to implement in people through the JP Radio show, through the online stuff, is your American dream lies in here.

Yes. In your heart.

It is your best version of yourself.

Exactly. That's what I truly, truly believe in.

Because if you got the house on the hill, the dog, the white picket fence, the beautiful family, but you're still unhappy, you're still unsatisfied. Like there's a big gaping hole, A dream don't look nice. Pleasant. That's a great way to look at it. And you also mentioned in your story about your situational stuff. So you moved around, you moved to America and your situation obviously changes. Right. You told me this one time and you said that your environment is an influence. Yes. Your situation is an influence. However, they're not the reason you are who you are. You have the power to change that. Right?

Yes, true. So during this last four years, what I realized is I made a thumb rule for myself that I have to surround myself with five positive influences. Being in a form of person, be it a thing, be it music, be it, be it books or whatever. It is because I was constantly, I think for a human, I feel like it's just so easy to get influenced by a negative influence. Unfortunately, it is then a positive. I think the positive takes a lot more time. It's just for an example, like, if you are in a relation, you know, you have life or somebody in a relation, and if the better half just says one odd bad thing, it's just in your mind forever. It takes a lot for the other person to do to turn that into something positive. But still, it might not. Yeah, it, you know, something might trigger and, you know, she would go back right away. Yeah.

Wait, what? Yeah. I don't even remember saying that.

Yes. So I feel like the negative influence in our life are just so easy to come and overpower you and. Whereas the power positive, you need a lot of effort.

It is a lot of effort.

And, you know, to keep it within your life and constantly, you know, get inspired. So I made this conscious decision and effort to make sure that every single day there has to be five things that are constantly inspiring me in some way or the other. Okay, but there's a trick here.

Okay.

So I came up, like, with this scenario, and I thought, I will talk to you about, say, there is a bakery.

Okay, I'm horrible at riddles. Please don't be horrible at it.

No, it's not that.

Okay.

There is a bakery, and you have, like, a cupcake, which is your favorite flavor.

It's cup and it's cake. Yes.

And your favorite flavor maybe vanilla or something that you really, really like.

Okay.

One day, what happens is, they say, we don't make that anymore.

Okay.

What would you do?

What would be the best possible solution your mind can think of?

Right off, Right off the top of my head, if I did not like any other flavor, and that was like my. That was my staple. That was my thing. And now you take my thing away. You take it. You just put a gap in my life. I'm gonna go find somewhere else.

Exactly. That's what we do. So when we are, you know, feeding our body with alternative. So this cupcake is good. So now I'm thinking, what's the best matching flavor that I can have?

Okay.

Okay. And then I look for that. I ask for that. And if it is still not available, probably I'll go to a different store and find it.

Yeah.

What if this bakery is, like, shut down one fine day? I would still do the same. I would probably seek another bakery.

Yeah.

And try to replace it.

Yeah.

There's another situation where I'VE been eating this cupcake for years and years and years now. I feel like I need to move on. I should try different things. Maybe there's something else that is better than this and I'm not, you know, indulging myself into it.

Yeah.

So they're like, so when we can do this to our body and to our taste bud, why cannot we implement the very same simple logic to our mind on daily basis? And we are doing this with food.

Yeah, of course.

You know what we eat on a daily basis? We can't eat the same thing over and over every single day. And then at times, we are just deprived of our favorite foods because of some reason, it's not being made anymore.

Oh, yeah.

There are so many candies that were there when we were child that's not there anymore. Yes. We just replace them. So the same is with positive influence. Like, if in any situation you don't have one, you just choose the next one. Do not create that void in your life so that the negative things can come in. So this is like a daily exercise in my head.

So, okay, you go through this exercise in your head, and you go through these five influential things that bring positivity in your life.

Yes.

It could be very simple versus leaving a gap for negative to fall into.

Yes.

Okay.

And I just see a Wonder Woman T shirt. I'm like, oh, my God, I'm gonna buy this, and I'm gonna wear it every single day. I'm gonna wash it, though.

Okay, good.

I'm gonna wear this every single day probably for a month, till I'm bored. And I just feel happy about myself. And I'm thinking, yay.

Yeah, Wonder Woman.

I mean, it could be very simple things. It doesn't have to be, you know.

But that's something that brought positivity in your life. But you allowed room for that.

Right. But I do feel that there were, like, times that my life where I needed extra help.

Okay.

That could be a therapist. That could be a life coach. That could be a person in your life.

So you didn't go at it alone.

Yeah.

Okay.

I would not take the credit.

Yeah.

I feel. I somehow feel like when a person is talking about himself or herself, it's not truly himself or herself. It's definitely a teamwork.

Yeah.

And it's just a lot of things that, you know, make or break a person.

True.

I would just not take the credit all by myself. I have had positive influences through some people, and I would love to give, you know, some credit.

Yeah.

A lot of Credit to them as well, that I required just a direction. But I see and meet people probably who require much more than that. And it is completely okay to ask for help and, you know, just say, you know, what is needed. And I'm confused. And I'm sure that there are people who would love to help and listen and, you know, point in the right direction as it is required.

Yeah, it's something that we. That we forget about a lot. But everything that happens around us happens to us. The people that we meet, they're all influential. I mean, we're influencing people right now on Facebook. Christina loves everything you're saying, by the way. Like, you're in. You're influencing Christina. She is just blowing it up. Thank you, Christina, for sharing this stuff. You're influencing people right now that you have never met. And because the words you're saying are conversation that's going on, they will then go influence someone else because they've learned something today that they can apply. Like, I learned that my situation is up to me and I can make room for positivity or I can leave that gap there and negativity can come in there. Right. That's probably why it's so easy to get upset when you're in the car and someone cuts you off in traffic or traffic hits up. And now, you know, I 40 for us out here in North Carolina, becomes a parking lot. That's probably why we get so upset, is because in that moment, we're reactive instead of. If I was doing one of those five things I used to have, music was one of them. If I was listening to good, positive music, now I got a chance to put my car in park and have a little jam session, you know, have some fun.

We call it the Car Dance off, which, if you come to our next live event, you're going to love the Car Dance Off. But you're right, we don't give ourselves enough grace or opportunity to be positive. And that's a really good takeaway every single day. Make sure that you are seeking out positive things to fill those gaps so the negative doesn't have room to get in there.

Right.

That's really good. I love that.

And it's just not that you just sit and, you know, somebody would influence you in the way we are feeding our body with food. With good food, even. It takes a. I mean, we have to put the food in our mouth, chew. It goes inside. So it's an effort that we make.

That's a perfect, perfect segue.

Yes. So is the mind. It would just not come on its own. You have to hand pick what do you want, feed it in your brain, and then let the magic happen.

That's a perfect segue into what we call a smoothie of life here at jp. Steven created this analogy, if you will, that is called the smoothie of life. And for everyone that's out there, I hope you enjoy smoothies. If not, go get one. It's amazing. She just had one today, didn't you?

Yes, I did. The strawberry banana.

That was good. So think about making a smoothie, right? You have this blender. It's empty. You can put in there whatever you want. Gummy bears and cookies and cream is kind of what I recommend. But think about like in the aspect of your life, okay? If the blender is your life, you can put in there whatever you want. You can also take out whatever you want before you hit blend, right? So let me ask, let me ask you this. Would you ever experiment and say, hmm, that's a mighty fine piece of dirt. I'm gonna see what that tastes like. Would you put that in your blender? No, no, of course not. So why do we let, why do we put dirt into our life? Or better yet, why do we keep toxic or unhealthy things around us?

That's a question that we have to constantly remind ourselves. Exactly. Like you said, why do we even put that bad stuff into our bodies when we know that we can put good stuff? Right? Here's a different spin on the influences that you can put into your own life. Blender. Do you like blueberries?

Yes, I do.

I do. Okay, if you had to choose over blueberries or strawberries, which one would you choose?

Both.

You'd choose both and make amazing blend and make amazing smoothie. But so little known fact that not all food is compatible with all people.

So maybe you want blueberries in your blender now, but you don't need them later. Does that make sense? So the ingredients that we're talking about is obviously food. And now I'm like extremely hungry. We move from cupcake to the blending things. It's the same sort of concept. And you hit so beautifully with these points here is we get to choose what we put into our smoothie of life. And we know that the taste of that smoothie and the performance of that smoothie, of how it either strengthens our bodies or it doesn't strengthen our bodies, makes us gag or makes us happy, is completely up to whatever ingredients we put in. That's exactly, that's kind of what I See, in your story, when you. When you talked about, like, your smoothie when you were young was made for you.

True.

You know what I'm saying? You were sitting there just watching, like, as. As everything's getting made, and then you just had to drink it. But you didn't like the taste.

And you didn't like the direction it was going, so you decided to change the ingredients inside your smoothie on your own first. Actually, you went to medical school. You finished medical school, which is a hard feat by itself. And then you went.

I don't like that. I don't like that smoothie. Let's try another one. What's this? Definitely going to ruffle some feathers. It's definitely going to turn some things up. So that's a brave move. But then you start putting all these other influences into your own smoothie. And folks, you can change your smoothie at any given time. It's yours. Right? And even our friend Christina here, she talks about some comments on here she's talking about. She basically commenting on your stuff and she's saying, yeah, that's right, that's right, that's right. Christina could change our smoothie right now, just like I can change mine the moment we get off air based on the influences that you've had on me on today's show. So another thing that people can look at.

Sort of a tool that we do here at JP because what you're talking about is essentially the grow methodology. You are gaining perspective as you saw this different life path. I don't want to go to medical school. I don't want to. Okay, I'll go. I really don't want to be a doctor. I've got this next several years ahead of me. I need to make a decision now. Otherwise I'm stuck in this. That sound kind of familiar?

Yes, exactly. That was the turning point where I have to, do I want to continue what I'm doing or do I want to experiment with a new smoothie and just see how it goes? Maybe that's exactly what I wanted all my life.

So you gained a different perspective by that. You sort of changed your perspective. You knew some roadblocks were coming up. You recognize those roadblocks.

I know this from. From your story, but you sort of sat down and factually thought about, what's my next step? What's my next plan? You know, did you organize a plan to become an event planner?

Yes. So I definitely had a plan. So the first thing I started doing was that I need to know myself about better.

Yeah.

In order to make the full of full version of me. Till that point, I was just doing what was told. You know, this is what is expected. I was constantly doing that. So I till the age of probably 23, 24, I just had no idea what am I good at.

Yeah.

And the age of 24, I'm trying to figure out what all things I can do. And then when I looked back, okay, what was the first thing I ever thought of doing in my life, no matter how small it was? Did I ever write a poem? Did I paint anything? Did I, you know, have some hobbies or think of doing something? So yeah, I watched a TV show and I always thought, I want to be in Air Force. Like I want to be a fighter pilot. And I was just, for one year I was just, you know, running around the house thinking that this is all I want to be. The next year I watch like a female who eventually became a governor. So I was like, if she can do it, I can do it too. So in my sixth grade, I'm just all thinking that I want to be that woman. And my parents would be like, oh my God. Every single year she's like a total new version of her. And it just went on and on. And I was like really thinking hard through this because, you know, some people would analyze at times they have come up with a word like fickle minded or commitment issues or, you know, I'm not staying at one place and I'm just jumping around here and there. And then I thought to myself, is it really true that I have. Am I a fickle minded person? Am I, you know, do I have commitment issues? And then I realized, no, that's not my version of me. My version of me is that can learn skills at a very fast pace. I have a good memory. I'm a skilled person.

Yeah.

So when I'm done with one skill, probably writing a book, I'm on to another. I'm learning a piano simultaneously. I'm on to guitar. I am trying to make a movie out of my book. I have four different business sold off. Four onto the next four. That's what I'm doing. And this is what I'm good at because I move fast. I am aggressive with marketing.

Exactly.

Making business plan and networking and everything. So this is my version that I feel like I'm skilled enough to do all those things and not that, you know.

Yeah.

The other versions that I hear about me.

I love this about your story and who you are because it literally just emulates of like the Thing that people really, really want to do the most is what they're good at. They may not even know what they're good at. And we have a tool inside of JP that helps them discover what they're good at, but they just want to do what makes them happy, what they're good at, and move forward and be able to contribute in that way. Not exactly what everybody else kind of thinks of them. So you organized your plan to do something different and to write a book, which you did, and now you're working that plan. The book's called the Wildcat and the Cobra. It's fictional, but I like how you talked about. It's got a lot of you in it and it's got some experience in it, but you wrote it in kind of a fictional way. Planning to be a trilogy.

Yes.

Right. So with about three minutes left in the show, let's talk about the book a little bit. How can people give them a little bit of synopsis and then how can they get it true?

So this book is actually inspired by people around me and my own experience.

Influences.

Yes, exactly. All these five influences. Influencer that we have talked about today is there in that book that in which part of the world you are, how the parenting is, the environment, the relations, how they shape you into a young adult. And once you are that young adult, how you make decisions based on the influences.

Wow.

And then the actual fiction part is where four different characters who shaped up into different people based on their past. When put into a room in a similar situation, they all react differently. They keep reacting as a chain of reaction. It's all different, and it's all based on who they are and who they were growing up. So it completely talks about all of these topics. And it's my own personal experience when I'm traveling around the world and meeting different people. And I've just put that in a book.

Yeah.

That'S the first one.

Yes, that's the first one. More to come.

More to Come. You got two more coming. So how can they get their hands on that first version of Wildcat and Cobra?

It's available on my website. It is there on Amazon. The website is. Www.tanyasherma.com is available for free download for this month.

This month only?

Yes, this month.

So they have, what is it, a few more days? Well, it's about the middle of the.

Month.

And, you know, you can download it and read through it. And I'm sure after this session that we had just here.

Yeah.

It'll be able to relate to all these topics much more and think about it and do some introspection.

Absolutely.

What needs to be changed?

Absolutely. Well, folks, I encourage you go out there and get that book because if she wrapped up inside of COVID to cover just half of what she talked about, this thing is incredible. I know more of her story and how things really shaped out and influenced her. But I really encourage you to get out there to go to www.tanya taa that's two A's N Y A Sharma S A R M A T A A N Y A S a r m a.com and download your free copy of it. I mean, that's super generous. Right now. Just come out of the gate and give that away because it's kind of fun to read a fictional way to understand how powerful your influences are. And these five influences that we talked about today, maybe they're not your, Maybe they're not all in that same order, your top five. But I guarantee that at some point in your life, these things are really shaping out who you are today. My question is really, are you allowing them to continue to shape you or are you going to take control and make your own smoothie and you get in control of that? Tanya, thank you so much for joining us today. It was awesome. You rock, guys. We'll see you guys next week on the German Personals radio show.

Yay.